8th Jul 2012
Huacachina: A lado de la piscina con un poco demora y GERONI-MAÑANA
This morning when I woke up, I felt like I was on the edge of the high dive but could not take the plunge. My plans were to take the bus to Lima this afternoon. Lima is my last city and stop before returning home. Yes, of course I was moving slowly do to my night with the players and pisco puro. But why was I filled with such apprehension?
While I am excited to return to my home and my inner circle, it is time for change. Generally, I welcome new things/experiences with open arms. Why do I have my arms crossed and a pout on my face. Yes, my five year old self still wants to play. However, my adult knows it is time to try to act like one even though it is adult-life in my terms.
A few weeks back, some of my Salkantay buddies were talking about bungee jumping. Justin had been twice. He talked about the first time compared to the second. It is the pause at the bridge before the jump. The fear. “I am willingly throwing myself off a bridge?” Then afterward, feeling the rush of being alive. A survivor. The first jump is hard. The second is too, but easier. While I have not been bungee jumping, yet (it is a bit further down on the bucket list), I have thrown myself off of high cliffs and in the split second into the “GEROMINO!!” I ask myself, “What the ‘EF are you doing?”
When the PASt and I willingly gave up our posh DC jobs and life to wander SE Asia and India was one significant “GEROMINO” moment in my life. The planning process for us felt like Leonardo di Caprio et al in “The Beach” when they stood at the top of the waterfall wondering if they should take the plunge. Him and I reassured each other. “Yes! Let’s take the plunge!” With each step of getting Visas & Vaccinations, selling all of our “precious” possessions, telling our friends & family our plans and quitting our lucrative jobs. We referred to “the plunge” each step of our journey when we felt a moment of hesitation. The unknown, was no longer scary and we welcomed it. Eventually, I became strong enough to take another large jump after one last lassi in India and venture off into my sola viaje.
Last week, my mom shared with me the first draft of the book she wrote for her church using the Footprints in the Sand poem as the theme. It was her story about her path in life. For once, I was able to hear her story. It was eye-opening to see my mom in a new light. SHe shared her joys, her struggles, her revelations and her challenges (Fuck! ME! Dammit Eric for being the easy one!). Of course, true to the theme of the poem, she noted the times in her life that God had carried her and set her down exactly where she was supposed to be in life.
Mom’s book got me thinking about my journey. I took a look back at my high hopes, disappointments, setbacks, challenges and successes. If I had a time-machine, I would not return to any point and change a single thing. My life has worked out perfectly. If it weren’t for some of those setbacks, I would not be the person I am today or sitting here in South America.
One setback was not making Varsity Cheerleading at the end of my Sophomore year in high school. Being the dramatic teenager, I bawled my eyes out thinking it was the end of the world. Little did I know it was my key to it. That summer at camp, having seniority and being wicked awesome, I was able to try out for the “All Star” team. I made it and was selected to cheer in the New Year’s Day Parade in London. My parents were excited for me but told me I could not go because they couldn’t afford it. Whatever! I AM GOING! I worked my ass off at my part-time job saving every penny and sent out letters to all the local businesses in my small town for donations. Checks came pouring in. I got my first passport and trip out of The States. That trip opened my eyes and made me want to see more. Had I made Varsity that year, I would not have received the incurable bite from the travel bug leading me to happily skip off with my severance and passport eventually bringing me to this lovely oasis.
I have learned to not give a shit it the bar was raised high. Bring it on! I just practiced my jumps or found a freaking ladder. When naysayers say, “You can’t/won’t do ___.” I say, “Yeah? Go ‘ef yourself. Watch me! Thanks for the dare/challenge!” For me, an unexplored life is not worth living. If my first attempt doesn’t work, it is not a failure, I just need a new strategy. Give it another go!
Yes, getting told by Uncle P my services were no longer needed was a blow to my ego. However, it wasn’t hard this time for me to take the money and to take the plunge into Latin and South America. This was my second jump! Also, returning home is not a big deal. I have been funemployed in SF before. This time I have a whole squad of cheerleaders to cheer me on at each hurdle.
So why was I anxious again? I had a plan. Like running a marathon, all I have to do is the first step followed by the next and just keep going (well of course once you get to mile 20, that is a bitch but then you just take another step).
Worries? Um, STOP IT. Breathe.
Problems? Any obstacles I can handle. I just need to remember some of the lessons I have learned along the road. There is always another bus, mode of transit (even if it is by freaking foot 7K through the desert) or route to take. There is always someone willing to lend a hand if you keep your eyes opened. Everything always works out in the end.
So, another day in Huacachina, not a bad thing. Heading to Lima tomorrow. Sweet, I get to see my friend Katherine. Fly home Wednesday. Even sweeter. I get to see and speak to all of the people I love and who love me. My journey does not end Lima. It continues. Whatever comes across my path, I will be able to face it. BRING IT ON. Time to jump. GERONIMO!! Er, Mañana. Today, I am still procrastinating!
Like my mom, I have always related to the “Footprints” poem. Perhaps through her influence. One of my theme song’s is “The Journey” by Fat-Boy Slim. It always seems to play “randomly” on my iPod like it did today as I pondered life by the pool:
“....Travelin' East and West, on every known highway,
South to North carryin' that torch until I'm old and grey.
Well in the mean time inbetween I'm pushin' through this,
I said in the main time inbetween I'm on my duty.
Sometimes I get beat up, sometimes I'm the beater,
Sometimes man my feet hurt from walkin' so long,
Sometimes I'm defeated, sometimes I get cheated,
Sometimes I just need it, 'cause sometimes I'm wrong,
So the question's repeated, why even try?
When there's rocks in the road, pot-holes in the lawn,
The victory's sweeter when obstacles either,
Are side-stepped or crushed on the way to the door,
So I go on my own, have faith in the road,
I can share that control cause I'm never alone.
I hear the creator speak to me through wispers,
On winds the voices of friends and of foes,
I listen to omens, the things that he shows me,
Shows that he knows me and helps me along,
And follow him closely, where he goes mostly,
Guidin' my path on this map 'till I'm gone”
|8th Jul 2012 Huacachina|
|8th Jul 2012 Hotel Curasi|
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