last night, went out for a brillaint meal at calistoga...came home, went online for a short while, and was shaken to the core...why?

 fireworks!

 blasting off at a venue near here, which i belive is called the castle, it was the end of the tattoo! fuck me dead, how one forgets!  the festival is on...already!

so as your annual correspondent of all thing theatrical, i feel i have to let you know the 'terrific' laugh a minute' 'alternative' and just 'sheer brilliant' shows you could go and see if your hangover wasnt that bad, and you had at least £200 a day to spend on shite!

1. still life.

sue maclaine performs a one-woman show about the life of henrietta moraes, fast-living muse to freud, bacon and hambling, among others. the twist? she does it in the nude, in the setting of a life-drawing class. pick up a charcoal and settle in!

pretentious...you bet!

2. comedian dies in the middle of a joke.

a bold interactive piece from rising star ross sutherland that re-creates the last two mintues of stand-up delivered by 'joey pops pooley' before he was tragically murdered on stage. you could find yourself playing the bar man, the heckler, even joe himself!

tragic...you bet!

3. back to school.

relive the best days of your life with this site-specific show that casts the audience as school pupils at the fictional saint dumbiedykes. the brainchild of actress clementine wade and playwright ranjit bolt, the show will shepherd audiences through dissection classes, school dinners and assemblies. and on friday and saturday (as a real treat) the venue will transform into a school disco!

pathetic..you bet!

4. allotment.

dont miss this scotsman fringe first 2011 winner, returning to the fringe for one week only!  join edinburgh company 'nutshell' for a cuppa, a home-made scone and a moving tale of sibling rivalry played out in the earth of a real allotment. performed outside whatever the weather - come prepared!

wet...you bet!

5. endure. a run woman show.

endure presents one runners marathon as a metaphor for lifes losses and triumphs. follow along outdoors on a journey through edinburgh parkland thats at once immersive, gorgeous, raw, poetic, hillarious and honest.

endure..you bet a misdenomer. you will be leaving after the first 5 minutesand going to the pub!

6. nothing is really difficult.

a life sized wooden box, a show about nothing. three men full of self-mockery and vicarious shame. male poetry for men and women.

you bet its not vicarious..its just vacuous! i walk past this 'venue' every morning..it a huge wooden box!

7. piff the magic dragon in jurrasic bark.

its 2012, the year of the dragon, and piff's back! see the worlds first million dollar chahuahua cheat death on a nightly basis as he is laminated live on stage, escapes a flaming straight-jacket and is fired from a the cannon of certain death! book early to avoid disappointment!

disappointment...you bet! piff poof paff!

8. more tape, by the boy with tape on his face.

im certain you remember this class act from last years totally hilarious edinburgh festival blog entry. mime with noise, stand-up with no talking. drama with no acting. all done by a man with tape over his mouth!  what does he do...the blurb says the less you know the more you will enjoy...

you bet christain grey, or any other sexual deviant would say the same to his victim!

9. summerhall.

edinburgh universitiy's former veterinarian school is fast becoming one of the most vibrant venues on the fringe. highlights of a packed visual arts programme include ian hamilton finlay's take on the french revolution, rankin's collaboration with pam hogg, and 'only women women only' - an exhibiton of work by female artists for female visitors only. if you buy 5 tickets to shows at the venue, you gain access to a secret exhibition in a locked room, featuring the work of a 'well-known contemporary british artist'.

i wont be going to any of these things...you bet!