Amanda in...
23rd Sep 2006Stupid White Woman Tour: Buy your T-shirts early So…Delhi. I arrive in Delhi…I have had 13 hours of sleep in 5 days. I get off the plane, have a chat with a lovely couple from Ottawa, then I get to the immigration desk. The immigration officer informs me that I am a “beautiful, young sexy girl” and that Canada is a “sexy” country. So I’m in India. Next time I’m feeling like crap about myself I’m gonna remember that the official stance of the Government of India, is that I am hot. ;) What a welcome…definitely in India. (It’s a good thing this happened too because to be perfectly honest I was so exhausted that if I had accidentally arrived in another country, I’m not sure I would have noticed) I’m sure that my baggage is lost and while I try to “find my feet” (thank you Dale), so as not to panic, I start talking to this Scottish guy, who looked like Quasimodo. This is not said to be rude in anyway. He just happened to be a hunchback, a fifty year old in a 20 somethings body and I can’t think of a better way to describe him. He was a total sweetheart and loveable the way that Disney’s Quasimodo is. It was the first time he’s ever left Scotland and he came to India. I thought I was nuts. Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to share a cab but as we were leaving the airport he told me that his hotel had sent him a cab. Sure enough, there was one waiting and he offered me a ride. I figured since I could totally take him in a fight it would be fine. It was pretty much the same price as taking a prepaid by myself anyway. So, we get to Main Bazaar (which is like Delhi’s Khao San Road…only dirtier) and he won’t take any money for the ride. Free trip for me = fabulousness. So now I’m wandering down Main Bazaar and I’m looking for the guest house that Adrianne recommended and I can’t find it to save my life. Of course, I have my Lonely Planet guide out (fucking Lonely Planet and their goddamn maps) so it’s a dead giveaway that I’m new. So, this young guy comes up to me and starts talking to me and he seems perfectly harmless. He goes to college in Delhi, wants to “practice his English,” doesn’t want any money. Tells me that there is a tourist office right up the road where I can get a free map. I figure, “what the hell…it’s on my way to the guest house…that I can’t find” so I go with him. He takes me to the “official government tourist office” which I can tell just by looking at it isn’t the official office. Anyway, I go in (all the while thinking “you are a stupid white woman…you should get a shirt that says stupid white woman on the front and back…and maybe misspell woman”) and tell them I want a map and the guy tells me to “sit down…he’ll explain to me all about the hotels etc.” I say, “I don’t want to sit down I want a free map.” He says, “sit”. I say, “No.” He says “I will explain.” I say “Map.” He says, “your guest house is full.” I say “MAP.” He sees that obviously I am (despite my metaphorical T-shirt) not a complete idiot. I get my free map (which is totally the crappy map from Lonely Planet blown up) and walk out. Now, my new friend seems confused. He asks if they helped me with my hotel. I say “I don’t need help, just the map.” He says it was nice to meet me and takes off. Now, I’m walking back to Main Bazaar and another “helpful” young man wants to practice his English. Wouldn’t you know it, he has practically the same script as the other guy? Imagine that. He walks with me back to Main Bazaar, which I fine, cause the street is super crowded and I feel safe. He gives me all kinds of “tips” about where not to go to and how to say things in Hindi. (As a side note, I ran into him again on my second day in Delhi right outside my hotel and he walked with me down the street. He actually is completely harmless (so far), hasn’t tried to get me to go anywhere, or buy anything. I’ve told him all about my boyfriend, still he just walks with me down the street). I’d rather not run into him again, just to be on the safe side, but he was harmless enough. So finally I make it to my guest house, (Thanks for the recommendation Adrianne) feeling like a total idiot for believing the first guy (even though I was walking down crowded streets and wasn’t in any physical danger), check into my room. I run into this guy a couple of times, who happens to be in the room next to me, and say hi. He informs me that “he’s totally not stalking me, he’s looking for his friend.” I started talking to him about where he’s from (Ireland), he finds out I just got to Delhi and declares that he “totally has to give me all the gossip.” He’s fabulous. His name’s Declan and he and I sat and chatted for an hour and a half and then he took me on a tour of Main Bazaar and then to eat. He’s totally in love with me now because he saw I had Entertainment Weekly magazines with me, they apparently don’t have them in Ireland, and he loves them. (Thanks again Jordan for the magazines, btw) I give him my magazines and he tells me that when Bri and I come to Dublin he will skip school for the day (he goes to Trinity College Dublin – Samuel Beckett went there!) and give us a tour. He was grand. So sad that he and his friend Bill left that afternoon. Around 4 pm I start to get really bad vertigo from exhaustion. The room is not moving at the same speed or in the same direction as I was. I write a terribly incoherent e-mail to let numerous people at home know that I have not died and then crash around 5.
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