We were nowhere near ready to get on the plane and leave Fiji behind, but we had no choice and had to head for LA. We arrived in LA 9 hours before we left Fiji after a 10 hour flight. Confusing. Immigration were about as welcoming to America as the the Grich would be at a Chistmas party. After we finally gave our life story, finger prints and asnwered all their questions we were in and headed for the hotel. Scott & Emma (from Fiji) had a big posh suite all to themselves and kindly said we could crash in their penthouse apartment. OK so it wasn`t a penthouse, but it was actually a self contained flat with lounge, mini kitchen etc. So, 3 nights in LA, what do you do with youselves?

Sunday: Sat around on the sofa laughing at Americans on TV before heading for dinner. We went over to a hotel the other side of the road and gave it a shot in one of their restaurants. We shared 3 starters between the 4 of us, and by the time we`d disposed of them we were almost full and not sure of we had room for the steaks. But you know what it`s like people (except vegetarians), you can`t say no when a big juicy steaks gets popped in front of you. And BIG isn`t really the word. Of course, just like everything we had for starter, it was all covered in cheese, lots of cheese. So we sat and ate and had a beer. Oh hang on... no, I had a beer. Emma wasn`t old enough, Scott & Rachel didn`t have ID. After eating until we were actually feeling sick we strolled back home to laugh and the TV again, awesome.

Monday: The girsl headed off to Manhatten Beach to get hair cuts and do girly thigns like that, so myself and Scott jumped on a tour bus for a nose around. A tour bus that at the end of the tour an American would get off of and tell his hotel doorman that he had a good time, but that it was, and I quote, "a bit touristy". REALLY? You got on a tour bus called VIP tours, went on a city tour, with some toursists, and you thought it was a bit touristy? So anyway, we went to Venice Beach & Muscle Beach first, jupmed off and had a stroll around. I bought the best pair of sunglasses ever, Elton John would approve (they`re not gay, just OTT). We had a walk around and laughed at the freaks who were wondering the streets, including the OAP in the beach gym who was wearing leopard pants and huge gold bracelets to work out. Nice. We found a film set so we strolled over to have a look, both secretly hoping to be discovered and become the next big thing. That didn`t happen. We saw the bulldog that skateboards though, he`s quite famous. We stood next to an old car that had an actor in it waiting to do his scene, and a studio hand next to him keeping us from getting in the way.

Scott: Hey man, what you filming here? Anything decent?

Studio guy: Nah, just a commercial for the internet.

Scott: Cool, anyone big in it?

Studio guy: Nah, just a bunch of nobodies.

Actor in the car: he just looked offended and confused.

Back on the tour bus and off through Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, Sunset Boulevard before parking up in Hollywood outside the Kodak theatre. We had a quick wonder around some gift shops, laughed at some more people wearing strange outfits and took some pictures of the stars in the pavement sidewalk! Next, time for lunch at a farmers market and then we were pretty much done so we headed over to meet the ladies and check out the new hair. After a browse around some shops it was time to go and check out some SUPER-SIZE Burger King. Nobody was particularly hungry, but hey, when in Rome... This meal was huge. Their large is the same size as our large over here, but it`s then outdone by king size, and super size. How many sizes do you need? small, medium, large, king size, super size. Ridiculous. With so much choice, I was expecting a long wait in the line while people try and pick which one they want, but there`s only one size they`re interested in over there... the biggest.

Tuesday: Theme Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark!!! Up nice and early for two reasons today. First reason was to take advantage of the amazing breakfast at the hotel, and the second was to get our bus out to the Universal Studios. The good thing about this one is that was well as having some cool rides and very reasonably priced eateries, the studios are actual working studios. We saw sets from millions of movies & TV shows like War of the Worlds, Desperate Housewives, Waterworld, Bruce Almighty, King Kong bla bla bla. We also went into some special effects studios to see how they actually do stuff, and they make it look so simple, but you just know it`s not! They have all these characters walking around so kids can have pictures taken, and one encounter with a mummy (a bandaged corpse, not a parent) was one encounter too many for Rachel`s mascot fear, and she had a little cry. Oh, there there were the two fake police guys who were walking around being sarcastic to everyone. Obviously I jumped at the opportunity to test them out...

Studios Actor Police: Hey where you guys from?

Us: England

SAP`s: Oh right, thanks for inventing our language.

Me: You`re welcome, feel free to start using it anytime you like.

SAP`s:              [intentionally left blank, to illustrate their faces]

 After the studios it was then time for the bit I`d been looking forward to for years... time to go and play with some guns. Rachel & Emma decided to stay at the hotel and let myself and Scott head out for `boys & their toys`. When we got back, I realised this was indeed not the case, and Rachel was upset with me because she wanted to come and we`d gone without her. I`m not sure how pleased her mum and dad would have been with me though if she had come, especially if I accidentally shot her or something. Yeah, I think you were best off tucked up safe and sound on the sofa watching you girlie movies. So anyway, we jumped in a cab and it took a few minutes to convince the driver to take us to this place we`d found on the internet. He, like the hotel staff, didn`t realise that you can go into a gun shop that has a range out the back and shoot guns at paper targets. He and everyone else seems to just shoot them off in the street, in gardens, banks, shopping malls etc. Tnen there was the fact that he thought it was in a dodgy part of the City, Inglewood. The guy said he doesn`t even go to some of these places himself because of the gangs, and this guy was black which really makes it hit home about how bad it must be in some `hoods. Right, we`re not at the gun shop and we`ve been told we can shoot anything on the back wall, we just show our ID and we`re in. It`s $20 to rent as many guns as you like, and then $15-$20 for boxes of ammo ($4 for box of shot gun ammo).

Gun shop guy: SO, what gun do you want first?

Me: erm..... I`ll just start off with the shot gun for now.

Gun man: How many cartridges do you want?

Me: four boxes. Is that enough?

Gun man: You can always come and get more.

That, is a conversation I didn`t think I`d ever have in my life. I changed my mind though, and completely out of character I decided to be sensible and just opted for a hand gun to start off with. So in I headed with a Glock 19 (9mm) and a big box of bullets in my little basket. I had to ask them to show me how to load it, and that was the only instruction I got, brilliant. I went in and got myself set up and stood there nervously for a few minutes just trying to get used to the place. Even with ear defenders on, when someone down the other end pops a shot, it`s still stupidly loud, and it makes you jump. Cautiously I loaded my new toy for the first time, taking care not to blow my hand off in the process and then the time came to let rip. I waited for Scott to get inside though before I started shooting, and in he came with his ear defenders round his neck so he felt it even more when I popped a cap. BOOM! haha, it was amazing! But also a bit scary knowing that I had the power to pop my head into the next booth and kill Scott, and he could do the same. He had the same thoughts go through his head as well. It wasn`t long before we were out of ammo so we headed in and decided to change our guns at the same time as re-stocking. We went for a Buretta 9mm this time. Slightly bigger gun, even noisier, but much more difficult to use accurately. We didn`t rate this one so when we`d fired off a whole box of ammo we swapped them for something else. It was at this point where I had my second unexpected conversation of the evening.

Me: Can I swap this for a 44 Magnum if you`ve got one, please?

Gun man: Yep, here you go, and a box of 50 bullets.

Me: thanks, it`s heavy.

Gun man: yeah, nice. Oh, are you going to use the shot gun?

me: erm, we`ll see how we go for time.

Scott and I burst into fits of laughter at the way this guy had just so calmly asked me if I wanted the shot gun. You know when you order a burger and they ask if you want onions, ketchup etc? well, that`s what it was like. We didn`t have time to play with the shot gun in the end, which was disappointing, but the 44 magnum was not! It`s one thing jumping around with a little cap gun as a kid, pretending to be Clint Eastwood, but doing it was a 44 Magnum in your hands in something else. Awesome! We wanted ot go back the next day and take the girls, but the airport was so slow checking us in we didn`t have time to go back. So, that`s it.

Wednesday: We got up the next morning and headed home. Another aweful flight with no mivies, radio or games as all of our TV`s were broken, and loads of fat Americans stoodf up the whole time talking really loudly because they were too fat to stay in their seats so they had to stand up.