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The Wacky Adventures of Levi
No Photos 15th Apr 2006
1 German, 1 Fin, and 1 murderer

Alright, so we travelled from Perth to Adelaide on the train. We crossed the Nullarbor Plain (it's like a desert). Along the way, we met a couple of very cool europeans (a german girl, and a Finish dude). We had a 2 hour stop in a town called Kalgoorlie which is just a dirty dirty gold-mining town full of nothing but dirty gold-miners and fields upon fields of hookers. Even the staff on the train said that the most famous part about Kalgoorlie was the "ladies of the night".

So, Dore, Birgit (german girl), Juhani (Fin dude), and I all went for a drink at one of the small bars there (Sunday night at about 1 am). It was fun, but the real story starts...... with Ross.

When we left the bar, this 45 year old man, missing his top 4 teeth, comes stumbling out of the bar tripping over himself, screaming profanities at passers-by, calling them C**TS like it's going out of style. So I stop the gentleman, and inquire "excuse me, speaking of C**TS, do you know where I can find some god-damn hookers in this town". The next hour would prove to be the most interesting time of my life.

"hell yeah, I can take you to some hookers! Let's go". And with that, Mr. Ross Henry Allen Williams became our Kalgoorlie tour guide. We followed the stumbling bafoon from attraction to attraction. "There's the police station where I have to sign in every day". Apparently our friend Ross had a slight run-in with the authorities. As it turns out, home-made meth-labs are just as frowned upon in Western Australia as they are in Canada. After getting us lost several times, Ross offered to bring us to his place for some beer. Now, we may be young, but we are not stupid. As such, there was no way in hell we were going to pass up a free beer. So, with an enthusiastic skip in our step, we followed our new friend to his house where it seemed we would almost certainly end up ground up in his freezer.

Ross forgot his key, so he had to wait for one of the other gold-miners to wake up and let him in. So we were greeted by a 350 lb. man wearing less clothes than he should have been. We entered his house, which was sort of like a long hallway with "rooms" that looked more like jail cells on each side of the hall. It was the dirtiest, creepiest place I've ever seen, and I wasn't sure I'd live. So we went in and asked where those beers were.

We took some pictures with him, and he told us to "hang on to those pictures... they'll be worth alot of money in a week or so". This.... intrigued me, to say the least. "Why's that Ross?" (at this point, I was thinkin' something along the lines of suicide bomber). But as we drank the delicious beer, Ross regailed us with anecdotes of his life, which shed a little bit of light on his comment. He started out with "I guess I could start with when I killed someone when I was 18". I tried not to laugh, but the situation was just too damn funny not to. It went on from there, "I had a budding motorcycle-racing career, until at 15, my sister told me that she was really my mom, which meant my mom was my grandma...etc. and it shattered my life" After a very creepy 45 minutes or so, we said our tearful goodbyes, and parted ways. As we went out the door, he mumbled something about us saving him from hanging himself that night. So in a way, we've done the community of Kalgoorlie a true service by saving the life of one of their own.

It's impossible to describe how creepy, yet ridiculously funny this entire saga was. We walked back to the train laughing our asses off over what just happened.

We've been googling his name since we left. So far, nothing. But we'll be checking up on our wacky friend fairly often.

Apart from that, Adelaide was cool, and I just got to Auckland (New Zealand) yesterday. Met up with friends from Regina, Nathan Jesse and Crystal Wheeler. Should be a shit-show for the next month. Here we go.

That was you being L-factored.

Next: NEW ZEALAND... and a beard contest
Previous: Bye Bye

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