LHR T5 - 06/09/2008 16:40 - BA035
PEK - 07/09/2008 09:35 - BA035
Beijing - 11/09/2008 21:24 - Sunworld Hotel Beijing
Beijing - 11/09/2008 21:24 - Z19
Xian - 12/09/2008 08:25 - Z19
Xian - 15/09/2008 14:40 - Meihua-Goldentang International Hotel
XIY - 15/09/2008 14:40 - HU7291
CKG - 15/09/2008 15:50 - HU7291
Chongqing - 15/09/2008 15:50 - Victoria
Yichang - 18/09/2008 13:30 - Victoria
Yichang - 18/09/2008 13:30 - Express bus
Wuhan - 18/09/2008 16:30 - Express bus
Wuhan - 19/09/2008 11:40 - Holiday Inn Tian An Hotel
WUH - 19/09/2008 11:40 - 8C8245
SYX - 19/09/2008 14:00 - 8C8245
Sanya - 25/09/2008 08:40 - Resort Golden Palm
SYX - 25/09/2008 08:40 - CZ6711
PEK - 25/09/2008 12:25 - CZ6711
Beijing - 26/09/2008 10:15 - Sunworld Hotel Beijing
PEK T3 - 26/09/2008 10:15 - BA1038
LHR T5 - 26/09/2008 14:05 - BA1038
Quite an organised morning but never enough time. Lost a bit of time at home, traffic a bit sticky on M25 but ok. T5 is impressive and spacious, no queues, everything very automated, looks like we're catching up with all those efficient airports in Asia. Bit of a disaster, hadn`t booked in online and no seats together! Bird at the desk said they may give us an upgrade at the gate, they didn`t but did find 2 seats together.
Flight fine, food pretty good, watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall, really good, Jo enjoyed the Indiana Jones movie.
Fast and smooth arrival at Beijing. Impressive, big modern airport, all done and out in half hour. Met our guide Nancy, she`s really sweet, she will be with us while we`re in Beijing. Checked into hotel, nice, modern and central.
After a little rest and unpack, decided to go out for an explore. Jo didn`t want to look like a tourist so weren`t allowed to carry the map. Looked in some local shops, got some ideas for Olympics themed gifts, no tat of course. Found a Catholic church where they have mass in Mandarin from 6 to 8 every morning. Made our way to main shopping st and centre. Got some presents, Jo got a top I got a tripod. Got hopelessly lost on the way home, shocking cause we didn`t have a detail map, everything is in Chinese and we had been in the country almost half a day. Had to get a cab back!
Little rest, shower and change. Walked round the corner to the shopping centre, aiming for a nice, not too scary, Chinese restaurant, ended up going Japanese. It was all good though. Decided to walk to Tiananmen Sq, bad idea, took nearly an hour and were too tired to look around. Came home and went to bed.
Up at 7:30 ready for our first tour. Wash, dressed and breakfast. Not the biggest or swankiest but enough of everything to be satisfied. Met Nancy at 9:15, got ourselves together and off to Tiananmen Sq. First struck by the size of everything, not just the square but all the buildings, statues and monuments. Nancy says they say the square can hold 1 million Chinese, 2m Japanese and 100k Europeans, Jo added or 100 Americans! Nancy told us if we wanted to know anything about the protests in the Sq, better to ask in the car as there are many secret police in the Sq. Tiananmen Sq continues through the Heavenly Gate, with the giant portrait of Mao.
Started to notice people standing near us when they have their photo taken, which soon moved on to asking us (mainly Jo) to pose with them in their photos! All very bizarre, there will be villages all over China with pictures of Jo on their fridge.
Went through many gates, courtyards and rooms, all called heavenly magnificence of eternal beauty of longevity or something. All the buildings had very beautiful and detailed decoration, looked exactly like the Last Emperor film, or maybe should be the film looked like the real thing. All very interesting, impressive and certainly will be one of our highlights.
Stopped for lunch, all included in our tour. Told Nancy that she and the driver were welcome to join us, but they didn`t, probably are supposed to. Had scrambled egg and tomato clear soup, samosas, beef and spinach, all good.
Quick stop at the water pearl shop, opened an oyster (icky), nice pearl necklaces (I have been known to give them from time to time), sales girl a bit pushy, if you buy 5 you get one free, but we only want 2. Bought 4! Then off to the Temple of Heaven. Walked through the park where all the old people meet to play cards, keepy uppy and sing! Saw the temple, huge iconic blue building, even after the Forbidden City still very impressive detail. I got told off for having a fag in the park, strange for a country where you can smoke almost everywhere.
Back to the room for a nap.
Up and refreshed at 6, showered and out to the Birds Nest stadium on the tube. Went to Dengiwe station, 12 stops to the nearest to the station. Walked miles along the motorway, couldn`t believe this was the route everyone took to see the Olympics. Offered some tickets from touts on the way, got to the gate, could get near the venue without a ticket! Told to go to the south gate but you couldn`t get any closer. Ended up taking pictures over or through the fence. Nancy told us next day there is a closer station on a different line and if you have tickets you can get off right in the station. Offered some tickets on the way back but all after we leave. Slight detour on the way back, got off at the wrong station. Had McD on the way home. Server took one look at us and got the manager, starting to see a trend of people looking at you worried, then getting their token person with 12 words of English! Back to the hotel for bed picnic, watched the Astronauts Wife with Johnny Depp. Put the Canon pictures on the PC then bed.
Up a bit earlier today for our early start. Have a very strange interpretation of French toast for breakfast. Nancy is there to greet us, early as always. Raining quite hard and steady, apparently its usually dry this time of year, this is little consolation as this is the 2nd day of rain out of 3. Off to the Great Wall, stopped at a ceramic factory. We know the tour company is getting kick backs to trot stupid tourists round to buy tat, but there isn’t much of this so we don’t mind. The tour is about 5 mins and we don’t take long to browse, but do find some Christmas decorations, which is great, get some chop sticks and we’re done.
Another hour on, we`re at the Great Wall and it`s stopped raining! Other that a sense of going up hill and way out of town there is little to indicate you`re close to the greatest human construction of all time. Rachael reminds me in her text that we have the Dartford bridge (lol). Up a steep bricked slope, passed the hawking stalls (two dollar, two dollar, reminds me of nights in Hanoi when I was in `Nam), then on to the cable car. Apparently there is a chair lift and luge down at another part of the wall, Nancy doesn`t think I`m serious when I ask if we can go down the luge.
Nancy waves us goodbye as we climb into the wall. We walk along for about 2km, steep in places, very slippery on the smooth wet stones, pretty hairy and heavy going in places. It doesn`t seem real that we`re actually on the Great Wall after seeing so much in films and documentaries. It does look like you expect and you know that this is such a tiny part of the awe inspiring construction. You feel privileged to be here (even if the northern voices remind you you`re far from unique), you understand the height of the wall, learn it`s completely solid with stone, bricks & soil, that the bodies of the forced labour are buried inside and think of what it could be like to build and serve on the wall. I was surprised to see how steep the mountains were on either side, the concept of an army climbing the slope, through the dense forest then confronted with the wall! That`s not to mention the thought of hauling the materials up such a steep mountain. Anyhoo, enough said I can`t do justice to the Great Wall so should stop trying.
A particularly steep section is looming ahead and we`re building ourselves up to what an achievement it will be to get to the top, that we`re fit and we`re up for it. We get to the last watchtower before the steepness only to discover it closed! Looked a bit steep anyhoo. Quick trot (not always on purpose) back to the start, Nancy declares us as heroes then we`re off again. The hawkers line the exit from the cable car and are some of the most persistent I`ve ever come across, one stands directly in front of me and won`t move until I sell her a dummy by looking at her tat, then slipping past on the other side (somewhat reminiscent of Maradona against Terry Butcher). Back to the car, nice little lunch (Nancy joins us today), then two hours of dozing through grinding Beijing traffic.
Back to the room for a quick stop, then off to the shops. Go to the department store for Olympic stuff, get sidetracked, look (in some horror) at the array of ivory, one sculpted tusk selling for Y 3.8m (£300k). Get some T shirts and other gifts. Back down to the Olympics, get a top each and other gifts. Feeling tired and in need of a coffee (my caffeine dependency is suffering) but get sidetracked (again) down "Snake Alley" which serves everything on a stick from chicken to scorpion, starfish, seahorses and beetles, all alive & wriggling (not the chicken!). Finally make it to the plaza for a well earned coffee, treat & rest. Off again in search of a network cable for the in-room internet, trudge through loads of camera stores in the rain to find out there`s one in the desk draw in the room!
Spend the rest of the evening uploading photos and writing my blog!
Up about 7:30, down to breakfast. Hotel seems to be mainly inhabited by craggy old raucous Ozzies, all the men look like Dame Edna and the women like Croc Dundee. One started chatting to Jo in the omelette queue, "so where you from my little jumbuck".
Nancy and Kung (the driver) are their customary 15 mins early and we`re off to the Lama temple, that`s as in Dalai Lama not the woolly South American Llama. A very nice temple with lots of Buda’s, pagodas and monks. Have an interesting conversation about how Tibet is and always has been a province of China. Its quite busy, interesting how many people of all ages and seemingly lifestyles pray at the temples and at all of them. There is so much incense it’s quite intoxicating.
Next is a rickshaw ride around Hutong, I ask Nancy if the old man is up to pulling us hefty Europeans around the streets. Meet Linda our guide ( and contender for smallest shorts in the world) who cycles off with Nancy perched on the back, while ours labours off into the streets. Pretty lumpy and uneventful, another little tour around some streets, not that much to see but learning how the families live is interesting. We come across a mad German who doesn`t speak a word of Mandarin or English & wanted to get to Tiananmen Sq by Rickshaw, Jo does her best to sort him out and he seems grateful, "Vielen Dank" he cries as the rickshaw collapses under the weight of his knockwurst. Have lunch in one of the families homes (not our choice, all part of the tour), bit bizarre sitting in someone`s kitchen but it’s clean and food is good.
Next to the coal hill great views of the Forbidden City and then on to the Beihai Park, very nice pagodas and a giant white pagoda where the monks are buried. Have a little sit and chat by the lake. It`s a glorious day by the way, best we`ve had so far by far. Kung picks us up and short drive back to the hotel.
Hotel brings nap, followed by trip to the supermarket for tomorrows train supplies. Supplies dropped at the hotel, make our way back to Wang Fujing St. Find the Quanjude Peking Duck restaurant. Its massive (three floors) and impressive. Order duck, man come to chop duck, lady show how to make pancake, we eat pancake. Unbelievably good! Have a trip down Snake St, see more scorpions on a stick. Go down hawker tat alley, say "not too bad for hawkers" just as a lady grabs my arm (I`m thinking she wants me to buy something, but who knows), I have to peel her hand off! Inspired by the mad German earlier we speak gibber-German the rest of the way and they steer clear of us.
Pop into the Pacific Coffee on the way home (I have a caramel slice, bad!). We talk east - west politics, but don`t get carted off by the secret police. Back home to TV & bed.
Picture count now 185!
Discovered message board last night. Not eaten any dog Jem but the crickets and scorpions looked very tasty, no Mikey haven’t done a Johnny Knoxville style ringer at the Paralympics, but there is always 2012.
Funny day today, not got anything till the afternoon then going straight to the train. Got up a bit later at 8, breakfast and back to the room for a rest, a potter (not done much pottering this holiday for a change). Got packed, took ages, must get better at this with all our stops. Go out at 12 for a coffee at our favourite (and only) emporium Pacific Coffee. Write postcards and note to Nancy. Back to the hotel to check out. Took spare room key as customary souvenir, manageress demanded it back, sent someone to search our room. Charged us Y40, bit much but would have been embarrassing to "find" it in my case.
Off right on time, off to the White Cloud Temple. It’s about 20 mins away, a lovely peaceful Taoist temple. Amazing 3D mural on the wall inside one of the rooms. Kung picks us up outside as usual. Feels very lazy and indulgent having someone drive you from one sight to the next and another person buying your tickets and showing you round. I see it as helping the Chinese people.
Next stop about 40 mins away is the Fragrant Hill. Beijing is so flat you don’t imagine it’s going to be that high, but the chair lift keeps going and going, must be about 900m. Amazing views of dense forest, temples, castles, a hotel and lots of people walking round the winding paths. View from the top is stunning, Beijing looks so flat and vast in the distance, with a thick smog haze hanging over it. Nice little trip back down.
Writing this on my Blackberry on the train to Xian, just pulled out of the station so will save for now.
Back in Kung`s Buick, he’s found his easy listening CD, just as we’re getting into The Power of Love the CD starts skipping and does so throughout the album. Arrive at the summer palace and it’s beautiful! It’s a hot, sunny day, the breeze off the lake and shaded corridors make it feel quite magical. The lake is surrounded by lush forest, temples and palace, everything shimmers in the sun and reflection off the lake. Interesting history from Nancy, lovely temples and artwork of scenes of the seasons but were on a tight schedule to make the last dragon boat across the lake. The ever faithful Kung is waiting at the other end. He’s now found the radio but soon switch to the skippy CD.
Dinner at a local restaurant, Kung joins us for once, I feel he’s warming to us. All delicious, the diminutive Nancy manages 6 dumplings! Order pineapple crystalist for desert, save some for the train.
Short drive to the train station, tearful goodbye with Kung, think the Y100 I slip him softens the pain. Station is massive, very busy and very pushy. It’s pretty logical and I think we would have made it ok but it’s good to have Nancy takes us all the way to our cabin.
Nancy says goodbye with a handshake, I ask if it’s customary to hug and she leaps into my arms before I finish my sentence, group hug with Jo follows. We have a 4 sleeper compartment to ourselves as we pull out of the station. My thoughts of a) having a cosy compartment to ourselves or b) sharing with a couple of bohemian girl backpackers, replaced with c) a pair of Chinese men competing for the loudest snoring in the world. Not that easy to sleep as I can no longer hear the clickety-clack over the snoring and have to lash ourselves to the bunks as everything in the cabin is drawn into their nostrils. Wake up at 6:30 to catch the views of the countryside as the sun comes up, all very nice but lack of sleep takes the edge off the beauty. An interesting and kinda fun journey, definitely glad we did it, but didn`t see much of the country travelling overnight , not that comfortable (although the train was modern, clean & efficient) propped up in bed and obviously not that easy to sleep.
Arrive in Xian on time at 8:25am.
Thanks Dil, pretty difficult not to take gorgeous pictures with all the things we`ve seen. You know what they say Jerry, once a jackass..., that`s Taoist Boris, you don`t get much culture in Benfleet.
No tour guide waiting for us on the platform and we feel slightly lost, have to make our way out of the station on our own! Find our new guide, Cindy, waiting for us at the main exit. Very busy at the station, apparently it’s the first day of university term and there are 69 universities in Xian. Immediately Xian feels much different to Beijing, older and much more like the real China. I`ve always felt that our trip will get more Chinese as we go through smaller and smaller cities. We find our driver, Mr Lee and we`re off to our hotel. Traffic not as busy as Beijing but madder, there seems to be no rules, everyone going in every direction. Mostly street markets and local shops on the way but still spot the unholy alliance of McD`s, KFC, Pizza Gut and Bigbucks Coffee.
Arrive at our hotel and check in, pretty unassuming, like Sunworld in Beijing. Then up to our floor and room and everything starts to become very posh. Atmospheric lighting and artwork in the corridor of the 7th floor, followed by a great room. Has 2 bathrooms, there`s a kind of indoor balcony with bathtub! Quick shower, bit of an unpack then back down to meet Cindy for our tours.
We`re off to the Big Wild Goose Pagoda. It’s called that because the monks were starving so he turned to the gods for food and all these geese fell out of the sky (handy). It’s one of the few Buddhist temples to survive the cultural revolution, claiming to be book storage rather than a temple, there were hundreds of Buddhist teachings on bamboo books brought back from India. A delightful, peaceful temple. Pop along to the Little Goose Pagoda, not sure if same thing happened but they got less or smaller geese. This one has a gift shop, buy present for one of my daughters (sorry girls, can`t say which one or what). Then on to a jade factory / store, stay about 5 mins, all very nice but not really interested.
Cindy packs us off to lunch at a local restaurant. Do not order wisely, one dish containing chillies & chicken bones and one with dried chillies & beef (at a ratio of 10:1). We`re not sure about Cindy, she told us earlier the Chinese call us big noses, but that`s ok cause the Japanese call us red devils, she continues to call us big noses, we`re not that comfortable with her joke and I think she finally gets it. Also she can`t understand why we didn`t do this or that in Beijing (excuse me love, it’s not as though we were sitting on our arses!) and keeps running down Beijing (we grew quite attached to it in our short stay. Maybe it’s just cause she`s not Nancy.
After lunch we go to the giant tablet museum, impressive ancient lumps of stone with wisdom inscribed, but after the first couple they`re just ancient lumps of stone. On to the city wall, this is really impressive, like old castle walls in England but perfectly intact and covering a much bigger area. Have a look around for a while, then hire cycles to ride along one of the walls, very bumpy but fun. Pick up Cindy and back to the hotel.
Have a little nap, shower dressed and out by 6:30 for our dumpling dinner and show. Taken to speciality restaurant (apparently Xian is to dumplings as Beijing is to roast duck), looks like favourite spot with tour guides judging by how many coaches parked outside. Get a couple of dumpling starter courses, followed by the dumpling main course, they explain "dumplings look like pig are pork, dumplings look like cabbage are cabbage..." I think we`ve got it now but they proceed to explain every time. Ones that look like fish are sharks fin, ones that look like fish do not get eaten. Cindy turns up, we`re running out of time for our show, so all remaining dumplings turn up at once, with hurried explanations. We scoff as many as we can before off to the show. I make clear I ain`t going anywhere until I`ve had a fag! We go to a traditional Tang dynasty cultural show. We get good seats, its surprisingly good, visually stunning (not sure about the Mr pipe blower) but only lasts an hour which is perfect. Back to the hotel to charge everything for our trip tomorrow.
Picture count a slightly crazy 270.
Up at 7, shower dressed and down to breakfast. Posh dining room, we have a lovely space next to the window with oversized arm chairs. They have Coco Pops! Slightly better selection than Sunworld but iHop it certainly aint.
Meet Cindy in the lobby, she’s been reading about the contamination of baby milk in China. Stop about half hour from the city at a factory that makes Terracotta replicas. We see a small one being made, lump of clay put in both sides of a mould, shoved together and baked in an oven, hmm ground breaking, thanks for that. Don’t get me wrong 2,500 years ago and 2m tall is impressive. Anyhoo it’s a massive shop with everything from silk carpets and full size decorative screens made from jade to I "heart" Terracotta Warriors. Buy a small statue of and archer (well you gotta really), not really interested in anything else until I spy they’re making Lavattza coffee and Jo forces me to have one.
Arrive at the site after another 30 mins. I imagine a huge farm with roped off areas leading you down to the pit where you can reach across the rope and touch them. Soon realise that’s monumentally naïve! It’s actually a cross between Disney and the British Museum. Rows of turnstiles at the end of the car park where you hop on a little shuttle bus. They have set up big modern stone entrances to each of the 4 pits, the largest 2 are enormous aircraft hangers!
A bit of history, Emperor Qin was the first to unify China from 247BC, he started building the great wall and created this terracotta army. He made 8,000 warriors & horses which he had buried with him, he also had the 720,000 forced workers buried alive too so they couldn`t tell anyone about his secret tomb. Qin spent 3/4 of the county`s income on his projects which didn`t make him the most popular. A few years after his death the peasants revolted (as they do), broke into the tomb and smashed all the warriors. It is understood he also made a map of China with mercury for the rivers, which his coffin is placed in, but I`m sketchy on that bit. Three farmers discovered the site in 1974.
Pit 1 is stunning, vast, covering a huge area and a mix of completely restored soldiers lined up as intended, those in various stages of restoration, those still in pieces and those waiting to be excavated. As well as being 2m tall, individual faces and uniforms, they`re also painted in bright colours & great detail. Problem is, Qin used vegetable dye which disappears in 3 days after being exposed to the air, so they`re waiting till they have the technology to stop the process. The pit also has all the ramps, walls and wooden entrance in place. Pit 2 is slightly smaller and largely unexcavated, but it does have near perfect examples in glass cases displayed along one side. Pit 3 is smaller with a few sections excavated, but it has the Emperor’s chariot and horses (Cindy keeps calling it his BMW, took us a while to work out what`s she`s on about). Then there are a few more display cases and some stuff about the restoration & other paraphernalia. Buy a book and get it signed by Mr Yung, he`s sitting there smoking a fag, fanning himself like he owns the place (he doesn`t, he just discovered it). I`m having trouble reconciling how rich he is supposed to be. Get the happy bus back to the exit. We then run the gauntlet of endless people flogging models for "1 dollar", markets and a strange Disney like paved area with shops selling the same tat as well as dog skins. Looks like Jem could be right, the Chinese are not a race to waste anything.
Back in our little mini bus, 1/2 hour to a (very) local restaurant. Cindy helps us order then leaves us to it. We get another dish that is smothered in chillies, I don`t think these people eat anything else, their food is hotter than any Indian I`ve had. We also order a nutty little number that comes with buns you scoop stuff into, they`re pretty good. Quite a long drive back to town, Jo has a little nap. We stop in town, time for our last little tours. We`re off to the Great Mosque, but have a pointless stop at "The Folk House", nice little place our guide speaks beautiful English and I tell her so. Walk through the Muslim section of town (makes sense) then arrive at the Great Mosque. Very interesting place, although an historic and still functioning mosque it is completely Chinese in architecture, no minarets, crescent moons or semi-circles. Cindy is growing on us, we`re getting used to the big nose and I`m getting my own back by winding her up, I insisted I saw her smoking a pipe in the folk house. Short walk back to the hotel.
Quick stop upstairs, then out again. Have a walk up to the drum tower corner, find a Starbucks, and wander through the department store. Have a look at watches, can`t work out the prices, Seiko watches selling for Y9k, which is about £850. Nancy and Cindy told us the shops are fixed price, but that`s twice as much as UK, but why and how can they afford it. Never mind. Find a little walking st, have a browse in the shops, get some more 3/4 combats. Still warm in the evening and very busy, feeling a bit pooped so head home.
I have a bit of a tidy of our photos and a general recharge of everything. Jo has the long awaited bath on the balcony. Water very slow and very few bubbles so it doesn`t quite work out as planned.
Photo count a bonkers 335.
Today is mid-autumn festival in China, linked to the new moon of this phase, families travel to be together, give red envelopes of money to children and give, receive & eat moon cakes. Moon cakes are everywhere, made of pretty much anything and come in beautifully presented boxes.
Up early this morning, 6.30, ready for our long trip. Chatted to a Swiss chap at breakfast, charming fellow (as they are) he makes precision instruments (as they do). Meet Cindy in the lobby and we’re off on trip. Some interesting scenery, like a graveyard alongside the motorway but most is just fields and stuff, could be anywhere (apart from there is a panda in every tree).
Arrive in about an hour 45, its hot and humid again in Xian. Cindy goes to buy tickets, Jo and I chat, agree mountain is spectacular but neither really knows what’s in store. We came to Xian to see the Terracotta Warriors but wanted to see a bit more so left it to the tour company. Cindy shows bus ticket, we get on, drive into the park, they check park tickets, another guide gets kicked off cause she has a bus ticket but not a park ticket, the bus only goes to the park! Get off the bus, Cindy goes to buy the cable car tickets (haven’t these people heard of multi-pass). Take pictures of the mountain, looks amazing, high jagged vertical slopes and peaks. There’s a long queue but we get shepherded through to the big nose fast track lane. Cable car to the top, only it’s not the top, we walk up a load of stairs to the north peak.
Hau Shan is one of Taoist 5 sacred mountains, hermits used to live up here for hundreds of years, surviving on herbs & pine needles (apparently). Everyone is selling locks & keys on ribbons. You get the name of your squeeze & you engraved on the lock, attach it & the ribbon to one of the many chains, then throw the key down the mountain, then you stay together forever. I think its sweet, but Jo doesn’t think it’s environmentally friendly.
Cindy tells us to meet her back there in 3 hours. So we set off up winding narrow stairs cut out of the mountain. Gradient ranges from 1:3 to vertical and runs for 2km across and 500 meters up. It’s very tough going but satisfying when we reach to summit 2hrs later. It’s very busy, with people of all ages, from little old men to families with babies. Seems like the Chinese idea of a family day out is a gruelling climb up a mountain! It certainly isn’t the Westerners idea of fun, we’re the only big nose on the mountain. The scenery is worth the climb though, you can see the other four peaks, valleys and the rest of the mountain range in the distance, one again quite breathtaking. Quick pit stop at the top then down is much easier, even have time to stop at some mini peaks and take some more photos. Meet Cindy and we’re back down again. Lunch is good, have stir fry beef, chicken with some bones (I think they do that so you know its chicken) and some stir fry chips and beans. Back in the mini van & back to the hotel.
Have an extended rest in the room, catch up on a few things and watch some Paralympics. Head out about 7:30 for a wander around town. It’s quite busy in the streets near the hotel, restaurants, shops, malls, plazas and walkways. But then we’ve been fed all day, the shops are pretty much the same as Beijing, not that cheap and I really must be protected from buying every Olympics polo shirt Addidas produce. We have a long walk down one of the streets looking for the City Wall but the street is long and wall nowhere to be seen, we give up. Decide to cross at the zebra crossing, but there are no traffic lights and crossings mean pretty much nothing here so we do a real life version of Frogger to negotiate 6 lanes of traffic. Back to the Drum Tower, have a walk around, get pestered by old beggar woman, have coffee & tea in Starbucks, wander around the little art and tat shops, get pestered by old beggar woman. Go to the bank to top up the cash. Back to the room, watch “You Don`t Mess with the Zohan” in bed, utterly stupid but funny in places.
Get up at 8 o/c, not much on this morning. Have breakfast, have a bit of a catch up on work on account of the Lehman`s crisis. Back up to the room, Jo gives a rundown of the amusing descriptions in the hotel guide and the goodies for sale in the room. We’re being picked up at 12 o/c for our flight to Chongqing at 2:40. We`ve done very well for access to communication so far on our trip. Both hotels had free internet access and can get a mobile phone signal pretty much anywhere and have been able to get internet & email on the Blackberry in most places too. I feel that the cruise down the Yangzi may be a little more difficult so will have to see how it goes for a while until we get to Sanya.
Ok on the ship and still going, where was I...
Finished packing, checked out (gave them the key this time), quite a long journey to the airport through some dodgy back streets and unfinished roads. Often what you see in developing countries, a lot of unfinished buildings and roads, but big wide modern motorways. Xian airport is modern and decent size. Cindy gets us checked in, handshake and goodbyes (no hug for Cindy). Some guy tries to push in at the front of the security check (everywhere we go people are pushing in at the most inappropriate places, I know we`re a nation of queuers but this really is silly). Anyhoo through security, coffee and ham sandwich, Jo bought one of those bags of mini dairy milk and they cost £13! and some panda postcards for the kids. Flight delayed about 40 mins but boarded quickly. Read my DP magazine (that`s Digital Photography). Flight about an hour, landed in Chongqing, nice modern airport. Our new guide Fiona meets us and we`re off. About 5 hours until we sail so a little tour of the city and some history from Fiona. Seems a modern affluent city, without being based on tourism. Fiona takes us to a local restaurant, we have the local dish hotpot. You get a big simmering bowl, a hot half with chillies and stuff and a normal half, then they bring loads and loads of raw fish, chicken, meat, noodles and veg. You pop all this in the bowl to cook as you want it. Only this really sweet waitress does it all for us (she say exsqueeze me everytime she fills our bowl).
Short drive to the dock, little cable car down to the ship, only you have to walk through several ships. Get checked in (like a hotel), get a bit unpacked then up to the observation deck. We sail pretty soon and I`m not prepared with my tri-pod, exposure and f stop, but get a few shots off before we leave Chongqing. Have a Kahlua, coffee and tea while listening to our German cruise director Christophe. There are 86 passengers and 110 staff! Upgrades available so we go for the biggest suite on the ship. It has a lounge, double bed (our cabin had 2 singles) a whirlpool bath and best of all a huge sun deck that covers the whole front of the ship! Jo has to drag me in after standing there for ages staring into the mist and gloom at all the magical things out there.
Anyhoo early start in the morning (about 6) for our shore excursion.
Didn’t get a great night’s sleep, new noises and motion, plus a bit excited about being on the Yangtze. Up at 6:30, wander out on deck, shower, dressed and down to breakfast. Go to our allocated table, meet our table buddies, older couple & wife’s brother (with Downs Syndrome) from Tasmania, older couple from Perth (I greet him with ah great mate, where abaaats, Kinross he replies, I don’t recognise it but convince myself I must have, but then he tells me it’s a new town, only about 10 years old) and a younger couple from Surrey, Kim & Michael. Michael is suffering from dodgy guts so we befriend Kim for our shore excursion. We independent travellers are assigned a guide (Jimmy), who leads us ashore, up some steep steps, then onto Disney busses for the 30 sec trip into the village. I should point out that we’re about 40 years younger than 90% of the passengers. Make our way through market of hawkers then over to the chairlift. Nice little chair, trees & landscaped gardens, nice scenery but can’t see anything of the river for fog. Have a pleasant walk around the village and temples, its known as the ghost city and there are lots of temples & statues dedicated to Gods, demons and the underworld. Jimmy is a pleasant chap but could do without stopping every 5 mins for a chat about this stone, that tree or the Chinese 1 child policy (actually the last bit is interesting but not really what we’re here for). Got some great photos to add to our growing collection. Back down the chairlift, through the market where the hawkers have renewed enthusiasm as the tired and injured tourist is much easier prey, but we resist. Back in our mini carts we wait 200 times as long as it would take to walk to the boat, waiting for our elderly Kiwi cousins who had fallen victim to the hawkers, now wearing a green Mao style hat with a bit red star on the front. Back to the ship, cold towels presented to us to wipe the grime of the locals off ourselves.
Lunch is in 30 mins, can’t believe they’re feeding us again but then I suppose we had breakfast at 7:30. Had salad and chatted with our new table buddies. Then it’s time for a presentation from Gary on the Three Gorges and it’s a PowerPoint! I think its ok, got some good tips (we come up to the first gorge at 6:30 tomorrow morning), Jo is less impressed as she sleeps through it (but then she sleeps through presentations at work, especially after lunch). Back to the cabin for a little rest then off to our Mandarin classes, “zao shang hao” – good morning, “ni hao ma” – how are you and handy for the hawkers “wo ba yao” – I don’t want it. Then back to the cabin for a bit of a potter and a rest.
The Yangtze is the third largest river in the world, it is brown & muddy from the silt and covered in mist most of the time. The villages and cities that line the river are grey, humid and also covered in fog for most of the year. Although grey and drab there is a certain stark fascination to them, such a contrast to our lives, something that stirs the imagination of what it must be like to live in this place. Then a realisation that to the largest extent it’s like living anywhere else and we have far more potential to understand what that must be like than the people who do live there to understand what our lives are like.
6:30 go to captain’s reception, don’t see the captain but have a nice glass of fizz and some nibbles. After force feeding us nibbles, Christophe frog marches us off to dinner. Have a nice little dinner and chat with our table buddies until its time for the show. Back up to the Yangtze club where the crew are forced to dress up in decorative clothes and prance around for us. All done in an hour and its back to the cabin, in the jammies bit of TV and bed early for yet another early start to catch the first of the three gorges at 6:30 in the morning.
A bit out of sequence, day 9 is on the PC, I couldn’t figure out how to get it on the Blueberry.
Up at 6 this morning, showered, dressed and onto our private deck ready for sailing through the first of the three gorges. We’re happily snapping away when we’re suddenly aware of everyone else on the ship on the upper desk. The first and reportedly most spectacular is Qutang gorge. The scenery is quite mountainous through the region and the gorge gradually (rather than spectacularly) forms and comes into view. The shore steepens sharply into high peaks and cliffs. My expectation is of vertical cliffs rising out of narrow water. It isn’t quite like that, a mixture of rising waters from the dam, dramatic cinematography and memories exaggerating what I’ve seen. Still it is mightily impressive, peak after peak with each silhouetted behind the other. With the first gorge successfully navigated (phew) we’re off to 7:30 breakfast. Have proper French toast this mooring, I’m concerned the Americans will eat them all so skip my intermediate egg course. Christophe stops at our table to advise us to take a light jacket, I think he said life jacket and say why is the ship sinking, he’s not amused "no a LIGHT jacket", "why do I need a life jacket if they ship’s not sinking", this goes on for a while.
We’re then shipped off to the smaller ferry to explore the lesser gorges. The river is a bit narrower so there is a bit less shore and a bit more cliff rising from the river. The lesser gorges are in a tributary of the Yangtze and the water changes from a dirty yellow / brown to a clear, clean green. I’m wandering around taking photos when one of the crew signals for me to go up to the top deck. That’s strange I think because I’ve only seen them shooing people away, maybe they like me, maybe their navigation runs on Excel and my reputation has spread to the Yangtze. Actually they want me to steer the ship, which I do and it’s easy because they’ve got GPS (but no ladies voice nagging you to turn around when possible). I’m getting quite comfortable, they’re taking pictures of me, this is alright, just as I’m feeling like I can take over the Victoria Queen my time is up and I have to give them a tip so I go off downstairs 7 quid lighter. Chat to some yanks, take some more pictures, scenery is incredible. We see some monkeys, goats and where they used to hang coffins along the sheer cliffs, I don’t see any but apparently they’re still there.
We stop at a little change over place to sampan for a tour of the mini gorges. Even narrower, cliffs not as stark and rocky but impressive none the less. There is a choir in a boat and a man playing pipes in a hut on the mountainside, there is no way you could give them money if you wanted to, apparently the government pays them for the tourist enjoyment. Turn around and back to the ferry. We get on the front, good photo spot, chat to friend Kim. We’re feeling a bit gorged on gorge so go for a bit of a sit down. Both tired, I bobble for a while, Jo gives up and throws the bags across the table and spreads out.
Back to the ship, greeted by the crew who have been working all morning, with welcome back, you must be tired (from sitting in a boat taking photos?). Its feeding time again, nice as usual, usual chat to our table, then back to the deck for Wu Gorge. Another impressive sight, more sheer and rocky than Qutang. Gary does an admiral job of commentary and keeping it interesting for our 8th gorge of the day.
Have a nap on the bed for an hour or so (I set my alarm for 20 mins). Wake up and its time for the Gorge. I think my favourite of the main three. It has the silhouetted mountains, jagged cliffs and peaks, lots of houses & villages and many inlets & tributaries that create interesting perspectives for photos. Millions of homes will be displaced when the dam raises the river level by 40m. The displaced families are given new settlements but have to take their old homes down first! Wu gorge is long and awe inspiring but this is the 9th of the day and you find yourself hoping the next bend will be the end because you are tired and tired of taking photos (over 100 today). It is bad to feel like that, coming all this way, being privileged enough, but it is a lot of gorges, gorgeous as they are.
Another rest, then dinner. We talk about joining in the cabaret (of course we won’t), singing Rolf Harris songs, Aussies said they sang God Save the Queen when GB won gold at the rowing, I launched into Advance Australia Fair (complete with accent of course). Back to room, finish packing and assorted check out jobs then off to catch the end of the cabaret. Have a cheeky Kahlua and coffee while watching Karate painter man, national dress dancing, join in with dancing with our sweetie cabin girl Cindy. Back to room and bed for even earlier start in the morning!
Up at 5.30, our earliest start, thinking the cruise would be a rest after the early starts and busy schedule did turn out that way. Down to breakfast, banana pancakes and waffles today, Americans have gone already so can take my time. Usual breakfast chat with our table folk. Embark on the first part of our journey, 250 steep steps up from the ship. Obviously we manage it quite easily but it’s quite a challenge for some, as I mentioned they’re around 40 years older. Fight our way through the hawkers, "bu ya". Onto the bus for 20 mins, stopped at the ship locks. There are 5 locks that step down the difference in height from one side to the other. See a model of the dam (interesting) then view of the locks, absolutely massive concrete complex. Then off to the main event, the dam. Only you can’t really see much of the 2.3km structure as everything is clouded in mist and it’s raining. I ask the guide why is it straight, rather than curved like most dams, she says its cause it’s so big, not really sure that’s the answer I was after. Not much else to see so we’re back on the bus. Short break from food before lunch is forced on us at 11. We’re all off in different directions at some point today but not sure at what point so tearful goodbyes are saved. See Christophe on our way out with 4 pieces of pudding, I comment on this, he glares as usual. Back to our suite to get our stuff, somehow manage to be last off the ship. Overtake most on the stairs, catch up with Kim near the top where I challenge her with "last one to the top is a homo", I’m weighed down by 2 bags & not really expecting a race but she does and just pips me to the top announcing I’m a homo! 1 & half hour bus to Yichang, Jo says tearful goodbyes to Kim & Michael while I find our new guide "Coffee", don’t ask, he spends 10 mins explaining but I don’t get it. He tells us it is his pleasure to welcome us to his city and wants to show it off to us, which means he wants to trawl us round a shop! Apparently there isn’t a bus until 2.30 so we agree to go to the silk factory and get a couple presents, so that works out ok. See half of our ship being similarly trawled. At the bus station Coffee buys our tickets and sees us through, which is good since Beijing it’s got progressively more difficult to communicate and Yichang bus station looked decidedly Westerner unfriendly. Find our seats and we’re off.
This trip has involved a lot of travel and so far I count plane, car, subway, rickshaw, train, mini bus, bicycle, cruise ship, sampan and now coach. 2 hours into a 4 hour journey and coach is my least favourite! I know this would be luxury to proper travellers, but we’re used to a certain level of comfort. Just had a little rest stop where I got off for a fag as I presumed so did many of the others but the bus just drove off, I could just see Jo`s worried face as it disappeared. It did just go round and park up though. An hour to Wuhan now.
Actually it was closer to 2 hours, got to Wuhan about 7. Jo reminds me that this trip was about seeing some of China and travelling is part of the journey, she’s right it certainly did feel more real being the only Westerners on the bus and we did see a lot of the country side, much more than the train. New guide picks us up at the station and its 10 mins in the bus to the Holiday Inn. Guide asks us if we want to see the sights but don’t fancy getting up at 6 again so agree just airport transfer. Wuhan is a really big city, bright, modern and very Chinese, not one of the unholy alliance in sight. Hotel is really nice too, even has its own coffee shop, which after the coach journey sounds great. Still hot in the evening, too scared and tried to go out so have room service. Watch Charlie’s Angels in bed.
Set the alarm for 8 but we can`t sleep past 7:30, too used to getting up early. Jo awake off and on from 2:30, symptom of so many different beds, sounds and sleep patterns. Up to the revolving restaurant on 27th floor for breakfast. Can`t find the reported French toast but excellent selection otherwise. Buffet in a revolving restaurant is a strange sensation, things that were next to you are half way round the room when you go to get them and your table is not where you expect it when you return. Have a fag after breakfast, in the restaurant! Get the last of our bits together and check out, for the first time on this trip our guide is not there waiting for us, although we`re a little early. Tracy (our guide) turns up soon after complaining of the traffic. Traffic is bad when we get out on the road too, start to worry that we`re not going to make it as only allowed 1 hour 40 before the flight and we`re 10 mins late starting off. Wuhan is a big bustling, very Chinese city, although there are signs of Western influence, more through foreign investment than tourism. Tracy announces we should be there for 11 o/c (flight leaves at 11:40), more than a little concerned now especially as there aren`t too many flights to Sanya. Driver puts his foot down (really puts his foot down, honking a police car as we go past) and we`re there at 10:45. Wuhan airport is modern and efficient, we`re checked in, fagged and through security by 11 o/c (security girl gives me a cheeky smile at my "xie xie" thank you).
Plane boards on time, quickly too, we`re the only big noses on the plane. Guy in front has his seat reclined already, then dangles his arm over so I give him a tap and apologises and brings his seat forward, I utilise me xie xie again. Pretty boring flight, get noodles but its short, getting in 10 mins early. We`re used to it being hot in China, it’s been hot in every city, but now we have blue skies and clean air! The Chinese line up to get their picture taken in front of the run way, they`re so excited at not being engulfed in fog. Peter (yet another guide) picks us up and out to the car. 40 min journey to our hotel in Yalong bay, the nicest part of Sanya (of course).
Hotel is nice and modern, room is nice too with a balcony overlooking the gardens. Get unpacked and into our shorts then go for a walk around the pool, pretty empty except for a Russian couple (Jo says they must be because they look miserable). Sanya as a resort is only 20 years old, popular with Chinese and Russians (everything is in Russian, after English of course). Cross the road to the beach and walk along past the other resorts, but ours is the nicest and quietest. We find a jetty, with a load of people in wetsuits, investigate for a bit of SCUBA, not sure it’s our sort of place, seems to be the sort of place they take novices, strap a tank to their back and throw them in. Walk back to our hotel, have a little swim then get changed for dinner. Go to the Chinese restaurant in the hotel, our first Cantonese food our trip, lemon chicken, noodles and prawn (first seafood too, far too far from the sea up until now). Have a walk around the gardens, the pool is now full!, fine by us we can have it during the day, they can have it at night. Try to buy a lighter from the shop (fail), get a glass of milk (succeed but difficult), ask for an ashtray (eventually get there) and a box of matches (easy).
Back to our room, do some work on our photos, whittle down the gorge pictures from 202 to 79! Watch a bit of TV before night nights.
Raj, I finally uploaded a movie for you, although not happy that my HD masterpiece has been so reduced in quality to fit on the site. Aw thanks Mum & Dad. Thanks Banu, great picture of you on Facebook too! Glad to have you with us John, doesn`t seem to be a lot of optimism in England, perhaps we should stay here and open a bar / dive school.
Up at 7 this morning, dressed in our PE kit and down to the beach for a run. Run along the path parallel to the beach for 6 mins then the path stops. Jo`s not feeling well either, thought she could run off an upset stomach, not successful! Walk Jo back to the hotel, then take off in the other direction. Path doesn`t last long that way either, get shooed out of another hotel`s grounds and I`m back on the street path. It`s ok though, path is even and not much traffic. I base my mid point on 15 mins or the next hotel, which works out to be the Sheraton (where there is a PADI centre). Go up to the desk to make enquiries, I`m told it is for hotel guests only, I tell him I respect that but would like to go anyway. Maybe I should have considered that I`m in my PE kit, run 20 mins, I`ve got a blonde beard since I haven`t shaved for three days, so I`m looking a bit like a surfer (albeit a slightly chubby surfer) so maybe I`ll come back. Start to run back, a taxi driver offers me a lift (tempted) but tell him that would defeat the object, run along a bit more pass a jogging Chinese man dressed in jeans & polo shirt who says "Hello, I`m pleased to see you", I stop to find out why but he keeps on running, guess he`s just please to see me. Last couple hundred metres are tough. Get back, shower, change and breakfast. Buffet is pretty good, fried baguette slices are French toast here (guess there is some logic). Then a monsoon comes and lasts for the rest of the day.
Back to the room while the rain falls and Jo isn`t feeling too well at all. I spend the morning updating pictures, checking emails and stuff. A little later Jo feels up to a walk and a sit downstairs. Although it rains all day it`s still hot. This doesn`t help so we go back to the room, Jo is a poorly bunny! Jo has a sleep, I hang around for a while, then decide its time for a bite of lunch. It`s not the weather for exploring so limited to the hotel, most of the restaurants are serving proper food but I just want a sandwich. They`ve got French bread in the snack bar but I can`t get the girl to understand I don`t just want a lump of bread, so I have a plain roll (which I know is a lump of bread). We`ve felt over pampered at times on this holiday, being used to doing things ourselves, this is a good lesson, could we have got a bus from Yichang to Wuhan when I can`t even get a sandwich. Have a sit and a read and a coffee.
Back up to the room and Jo`s feeling a bit better, so we go for a walk around the grounds, which turns into a walk up the street and then into a little shopping plaza. Find a PADI dive centre, deserted posh shops, a swimwear store where the assistant offers me some white thong trunks, I explain to her that I`m not German (which amuses her, but not sure why) and a little supermarket get supplies then walk back in the rain. I would appear that everything in Yalong Bay is overpriced. Have a little rest / potter in the room.
Go down to the buffet restaurant for dinner, waitress put in 309 in the calculator (dinner is Yuan 309 for two), I type in 80085 which amuses me but confuses the heck out of her. Interesting buffet, it’s not often that fried whole baby squid is the most appetising thing on the menu but it’s pretty good. Have cake again (going to have to run to Hianan City tomorrow!)
As I mentioned the resort is full of Russians, not being one to make generalisations, however I have made two observations 1) They`re all miserable, they don`t even seem to speak to each other 2) The women look like they`ve come from Gucci, the men look like they`ve come from the Gulag.
I take some arty pictures of the grounds and lights at night, which come out pretty good thanks to some DP tips. It was hot at 7:30 this morning and it’s still hot at 10pm, despite a day of rain. Go upstairs for some air conditioned comfort and a Jason Statham movie.
Up at 7 again this morning and out for a run. It starts raining after about 10 mins but it’s all good. Run a bit further today, up to the Marriot. Back to the room, shower, change and down to breakfast, all fine but it’s still raining. Go back to our room for a bit of a plan for the rest of the week. Call Peter about going to Nanwan or Monkey Island as its known, two hours later Peter and driver are at hotel. In the meantime we pop to Bank of China for some cash and get some more info on the PADI centre.
Meet Peter at 1 o/c and we`re off on the 50 min drive to Nanwan, interesting views along the way, crops, rainforest and local towns. Arrive at our stop, the sun has come out and it’s as hot as hell, pretty busy here too. Now they call Sanya the Hawaii of Asia (not sure why it’s not volcanic) presumably why they have adopted the Hawaiian shirt which the Chinese love so much. They get matching shorts & shirts and the couples even dress in identical outfits, they are all here in abundance. Peter decides the queue for the cable car is too long so we get the boat over, which is good. There are about 2,000 Macaque monkeys on the island, of which about 200 have been tamed and live around the complex (which only accounts for a small area overall. Interesting and fun watching the monkeys go about their monkey business, monkeying around and swimming in their own pool (which looks bloody good when its 40C). We`re not so impressed at the line of monkeys tied up holding poles, the monkey show or the concept of buying food so you get swarmed, not sure about the "monkey jail" either. Almost as amusing are the big groups of identically dressed locals going around in regimented groups of 30 with a megaphone guide, the guide points, they all look & laugh then they all move on orderly to the next.
We leave our monkey friends by cable car, great views of the island and the water village. Fishermen (and family) have houses on the water with netted off pools to store their catch until market. Leisurely drive back to the hotel, then a nice long dip in the pool. Get dragged into some Discovery channel, then shower and get dolled up for dinner. Walk down to the Crowne Plaza and find a nice Thai restaurant. Have red and green curry as well as two beers, each! Grab a sorbet and watch the live band in the central hub. It’s marketed as the ultimate nightlight venue in Yalong beach, which is not the biggest claim ever. The band are actually really good, Filipino (usually are around here), can sing all the lyrics (usually they miss out the conjunction words within sentences, like in, and, of) and play pretty well two. Have a chat with the band after their set, seem really chuffed. Walk back to the hotel, still really hot, get on the jammies and beddy byes.
I miss you too Rachie you lovely daughter. Wetsuit picture on the site especially for Dil.
Alarm goes off at 7 o/c but neither of us fancy getting up. Lay there for a while, decide not to go for a run today, disgusted with myself but it doesn`t make me get up. Showered and dressed, feeling more alive, go down to breakfast. Unfair Russian observation number 3, they believe the communist party is going to close the buffet at any moment so have to pile as much watermelon and doughnuts as possible in one go. Jo discovers an English couple who come over for a chat. They`ve come on an Airtours package! Seems like they`ve packed a lot into their trip, they`ve come from Gulin, a few people have been there, all speak highly of it but not sure what`s there, maybe next time. They`re struggling to make sense of everything being in Chinese & Russian, not sure what`s on, but we`ve only done Monkey Island so can`t really help much. Get ourselves together after extended breakfast and head up to the PADI centre at the Crowne Plaza. Chat with the guy, he makes a few phone calls and says "Ok, we go now". We have to explain we`re not ready but will come back shortly (want to explain to him we didn`t presume we could go immediately, but there`s no point with the language, this happens a lot but it`s not worth worrying about). Brisk walk back to the hotel, its burning hot today, humid too, stop at the Bank of China cause need cash for the dive. Get to the centre, who now are ok to take Visa, which we haven`t got with us (see what I mean about explaining things). The guy takes us to the hotel reception, then on to a golf cart, drive 200m to the road ?!? Then get a taxi a couple of Ks down the coast, through a hotel and down to an umbrella on the beach.
They don`t seem the most professional of outfits, after arranging to meet in half an hour (which takes an hour) they guys say they`re off to get the equipment. We imagine they`re going to give us a tank and a hose, but they`ve got PADI written everywhere so what can you do. Eventually come back and we`re off in a little speed boat, it’s not far to the dive site. Dive guy and boat boy don`t speak any English but we share the common language of sharing a fag on the way. It’s a real struggle to get all the gear on in such a tiny boat, especially when I put my leg down the arm sleeve of my wetsuit. All the right gear is here, we get set up and splash in. Jo struggles with her breathing for a while but soon joins dive guy and me at the bottom. My new dive watch is working great, auto starts as soon as I descend and keeps me updated with depth & dive time. We bottom out at about 9m and swim along for a while before we come up to the reef. You imagine reefs to be like the Great Barrier you see on TV, but the water is rarely that clear, especially once you`re around 10m + and there are so many different types of coral. It`s a good dive to get back in the swing, plenty of reef to look at, constant depth, a few fish and lots on anemone. We`re down for about 37mins when my air gets low and we come up (only scheduled to me 30 min dives).
Clamber back into the boat (it is a clamber too). Have a sit and a rest, bit cooler out at sea, easy to forget to cover up but we do cause we`re sensible. Get suited up and back in, Jo finds it much easier this time and we`re on our way. Doesn`t matter that we don`t speak each others language underwater, obvious but interesting. I spot a huge blue starfish, dive guy picks it up and hands it too me, I know I probably shouldn`t but can`t resist. Then I see a chocolate coloured one but don`t go near that, then I see a law enforcement badge that`s become corroded under the water. See this fantastic dragon fish, really big with so many ribbons and fins all over it. This reef undulates a lot and there are a lot of gaps to investigate. I`m struggling to equalise pressure during the last part, my ears are hurting so decide to stay shallow. Get some soft coral stuck in my finger, show to dive guy who just rips it off (feel like a wimp but you hear about bits getting stuck & causing infection). Second dive is 45 mins and we`re done, struggle back on the boat and back to shore. We`re offered a taxi back but Jo says we`ll walk down the beach, it turns into a long walk but it’s a nice walk.
Back in the hotel, we`re hot, sticky, hungry and tired, address that with air con, shower, snacks and nap. Force ourselves up to get ready for dinner. Jo looks especially lovely in her sun tan & little blue dress, she deserves to be taken to the ultimate nightlife venue in Yalong Bay, which is only the Crowne Plaza but we can`t even manage that. Have Cantonese downstairs then back up to the room for PJs and whatever is on the movie channels.
Thanks Jaz glad you`re enjoying my blog, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely meet up when we get back. Why thank you Dil, all for you of course.
Alarm at 7 o/c, feeling much better for a good night sleep but still no interest in getting up and going for a run, all good intentions fading fast. Shower, dressed and down the breakfast which was pleasant but largely uneventful. It’s cloudy, breezy and cooler than the last few days, which is good `cause it’s been hotter than Satan’s underpants around here. Up to the room, get our stuff and down to the pool. Sit around in by the pool listening to music and reading books. Make the school boy / girl error of underestimating the sun on a cloudy day and get a bit burned, a little uncomfortable but not too bad. Have a little swim, shoot some hoops in the pool. I go get the camera and take some arty pictures of the grounds and pool area.
Go back up to the room to put on some after-sun and have a rest in cool. Watch a programme on the Discovery Channel about crazy elephants in Africa that were killing rhinos, cattle and even people. Turns out they had traumatised childhoods which sent them a bit loopy and drove them too it. In one case all the elder males had been taken away, the young bulls had no role models so went off the rails, they were trying it on with lady rhinos, lady rhinos didn`t want to know so they got rough with them, sounds a bit like Romford.
Anyhoo, dressed and off out for a night on the tiles, well maybe a look round the shops and something to eat, it’s been a busy day after all. All the hotels give you little cards with "please take big noses back to their hotel", so we got one of them, one to Sanya City and one to Dadonghai. Cab to Sanya City, have a wander down their "walking st", get some souvenirs and gifts, get a Hawaiian outfit for the Malster family BBQ, Jo refuses to join in even though mine only costs £6. Get a cab to Dadonghai, drops us by Number 1 Market, which we`ve read in the book is an excellent outdoor seafood market and it is indeed. We get 2 Tsing Tao beers, big plate of fried rice & battered prawns all for £4.80, all good stuff too. Have a little walk around their tat, stop in the supermarket then taxi home. Back in the room, have a cup of tea, more after sun and watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on the movie channel.
Sounds pretty dramatic but just an excuse for another lazy day! The hotel issued a warning yesterday to stay in the hotel and not to use the beach or anything but the typhoon changed trajectory, only affecting the top of Hainan. The only effects we experienced were a bit of wind and rain.
Got up at 8, looking a bit windy and rainy, checked the forecast on the excellent Japan Meteorological Agency and confirmed we would be largely unaffected. Down to breakfast, chatted with our new English friends. They took the bus to Sanya City yesterday, game of them, costs about 80p takes about 50 mins and they were the only non locals. Our way was more expensive but got there a bit quicker and just where we wanted. Took a walk along the beach after breakfast, pretty full considering the weather. There was a couple on the beach having their wedding photos taken, not quite what they imagined I`m sure. Nice little walk and then the rains came, just in time to soak us before we got to the hotel.
Not much to report for the rest of the day, marooned in our room watching made for TV movies on the Star channel. Had a coffee & a cake in the lounge downstairs, got packed for tomorrow morning.
Rains stopped so ventured out to our favourite Crowne Plaza for the evening. Went to our favourite Thai restaurant, even had cocktails, although Jo`s was more like a desert and the biggest prawn I ever did see! Lovely little place with comfy booths and a feng shui water feature running through. Went downstairs to the square where our favourite band was playing their usual set of catchy covers. Now I mentioned we had a chat with them last time, well I made the mistake of saying I play a bit so can appreciate how good the lead guitarist was, they said I must jam with them next time, well they remembered. The main guy came over and welcomed us in their break and insistent I jam, thoughts of leaving our beers and running off out to one side I was relieved they returned without a mention. This wasn`t a good sign in fact as they summoned me from the stage and I felt I couldn`t say no! On reaching the stage I explained I really wasn`t that good, maybe they could give me a couple of cords. They listed a load of songs, none of them I knew, I do know some songs but don`t see a Filipino easy listening band doing covers of Radiohead. We settle on Dire Straits Walk of Life and we`re off, starts off sticky with me not doing much but caught up with most of the cords and sequence by the end. Anyhoo, check out the movie and decide for yourself.
We stayed, finished our beers, said a tearful goodbye to the bad and made our way home. Shower to cool off, into jammies and update the blog while watching a film with Sean Connery & Wesley Snipes. Then off to beddy byes, early start (5:30) for our flight to Beijing and our last day in China!
Photo count and insane 610.
Terrible night sleep, uncomfortable sunburn and now ear ache. I really don`t know what to do with my ears doesn`t matter how clean, clear and protected from pool water I still get ear infection. Pretty difficult to go diving without getting your ears wet. Needless to say not the happiest when the alarm went off at 5:30, struggled up, shower and dressed. Down to checkout, tricky as every detail was individually itemised in Chinese and the staff couldn`t explain. Jo was getting pretty frustrated but Peter helped out. Pleasant run to the airport, check-in looked busy but mainly dawdlers (if they`re not pushing in they`re dawdling). Had to pay £20 for excess baggage and that’s not counting the bag we left at Beijing. Through security, lost both my lighters, very officious in sleepy Sanya. Boarded the flight pretty much straight away, gained an extra seat next to Jo which was a little bonus.
Flight pretty uneventful, listened to some music in my good ear, bad ear getting worse. Had some painkillers and had a mini nap. Arrived at Beijing, Jo spots a bashed suitcase with a gaping hole, which turns out to be hers, she imagines all her knickers strewn across the runway! Nancy meets us, no need for a sign, hugs all round. Quick journey back, traffic good, Nancy gives us details of a hospital to go to for my ear. Now my ear is not that bad, could easily get through with painkillers until we get back home, however options will be, casualty, walk in clinic or hospital clinic, all will involve a 4 hour wait to be told to see how it goes, come back in a couple of days or a hunt around for a chemist. So I consider using the Chinese health service a better option. Nancy writes down the name of the local hospital and some instructions in Chinese for us. Get a cab to the hospital, wander around showing people our card until a nice lady in a surgical mask walks us out, round the corner to the International Medical Centre. Pay £20 to see the doctor immediately, she says “ear infected, give you anti-biotics and drops”, pay £4 for my drugs and we’re done, result!
We find our way from the hospital to the walking street, through a swanky office complex which reminds us of good old’ Canary Warf. Go to our favourite Pacific Coffee for a latte & tea, Jo makes them bring out their selection of treats. Have a well earned and appreciated rest, chat about our conversations of China. The communist govt of Beijing has scrapped only allowing cars to travel on alternative days because it was unpopular with the 60% of the people, how different that is to the unpopular wars we are fighting and how little the British people can do about it. Enough of politics, have a right good shop down the Walking St, get 4 cartons of fags (£14 each), lots of gifts for lots of people who may be reading this, very pleased with everything. Mastered the Chinese shopping system of choosing what you want, getting a ticket written by hand, going to the cashier who glues them, staples them & stamps them, then going back to each of the departments to pick up your stuff.
Back to our hotel Jo does some emergency repairs with the sticky tape she blagged from concierge think it might just about hold. I transfer stuff between cases, trying to magic some weight back even though we’ve bought a load more. After that quick stop, we’re out to get some photos of the Birds Nest stadium and Water Cube. Now the Paralympics are over we should be able to get much closer and now know the best stop to get off. Tube is clean and efficient , have a good journey on the 5 & 10 lines, but not allowed on the 8 line that is specifically for the Olympic village (not a good sign), walk up Olympic way but we can’t get any closer than before, 500m area around the stadiums is still fenced off as before. Get a slightly better position but the Birds Nest doesn’t have its lights on so very disappointed, especially as it took up so much of our time. Nancy assured us it would be open (only blot on her copybook), we both assumed it would, in fact it makes no sense the authorities are keeping the area so cut off, there are always crowds trying to get pictures and get close. No new pictures worth uploading, so won’t be significantly adding to the insane total. Tired aching feet struggle back on the tube. Its 10:30 when we get to the hotel, order room services, cup of tea and bed for up at 5:30 again in the morning.
Its felt good to be back in Beijing. There are so many signs written in English, which helps but by no means guarantees the occupant can speak any English, but it helps and the language is much easier than the other cities. We also know how the shops work, know our way around part of the town and can navigate the Underground network. Beijing is an interesting city with lots to see, although the least authentic, it is still challenging enough to the foreigner without being impossible.
Nearly the end of our trip. It has been amazing, learned so much, met many interesting people and seen so many genuine world landmarks in one trip. Ready to come home now, missing my family and tired of travelling.
Thanks Jem & Dil, our most regular bloggers. Didn`t see any fireworks, don`t think it was the right festival, they have National Day coming up which I think is sweets rather than explosives. Sweets a little easier to get through customs too. Thanks for the compliments on the pictures, will publish some more on Photobucket at the weekend and of course family members will be "treated" to the DVD. Hmm good point Dil, I forgot my competition with Feastie to bring back the most disgusting food, plenty to choose from scorpion on a stick to blister packed starfish. Unfortunately the "goodies" were sacrificed for Jemma`s presents and the 6 cartons of fags.
Up at 5:30, shower dressed and the usual obsessive check of the hotel room, even though we only stayed overnight. Nancy was downstairs waiting, as always. Good run to the airport and as we checked in last night we had oodles of time. Check in desk didn`t bat an eye at our excessive baggage, took Jo`s wounded bag to oversized for TLC. Another tearful goodbye with Nancy, had to peel her off Jo so I could get a hug. Turned down the abundance of Western style diners & coffee houses in favour of getting through security and find our gate. Bit of a mistake as there were hundreds of "World Duty Free" style stores but few eateries. Found one that fashioned itself as Pasta & Beer where we got French Toast (well kinda) & juice. Took an age to get food, ate up most of our time. Quick stop to get more fags & Dove treats, almost bought a tea towel but was held up by two African gents who were obsessed with buying the whole store, with 200 items on the counter he commands "now get something for my daughter, she is 10", assistant brings back a child size top, "no, no, must be very large". They swan passed us into first class!
Get settled, take off a little late but all good. Embark on a very successful film marathon, The Happening - saw with Rachael at the cinema but very good, In Burge - good film & hysterical in parts "Bruges is so foooking bad even the midgets have to take horse tranquilisers", The Escapist - clever but a bit confusing, The Orphanage - Spanish (contains spoilers) familiar story of girl leaves orphanage, moves back with her family, son befriends ghosts, mother loses boy, mother turns to ghosts & finds boy, boys is dead, mother kills herself, mother, son & other dead children live happily ever after. Touch down in London on time. Pretty smooth run through, all Brits bemoan that we`re the only country that makes its own people queue, posh git takes too far & makes an arse of himself. Jo`s disabled case turns up no worse than started, others (including ours) are delayed, usual English spirit of moaning and peering under the flap on the belt. Jo, being half Chinese now, goes and chases them up and soon we`re reunited. Bus, car park and M25. Motorway is slow and sticky, takes 2 hours, Jo proves she is only half Chinese by not weaving in between lane, honking the horn constantly. Quick stop at Tesco and were home at last!
Unpack bags, we have a dining table full of presents. Catch up with family & friends on the phone and text. Settle down for a good old fashion English meal from the curry house.
Back at home for a week now, thought I would wrap up with thoughts on the holiday, advice for fellow China travellers and most importantly link to more photos! I often write a diary or some notes to help remember the things we did and people we met during holidays. They usually get tucked away in a cupboard or on the disk somewhere and this seemed a good way of sharing with people as we go. I didn`t really expect anyone to read it, but have been pleased that some have and even seemed to enjoy it. Good way to share some of the photos too now that I rarely get any printed. This GetJealous site was the best I found, nice slick site, pretty simple to use but limited to 40 photos! Went through the whole collection with my parents this afternoon and it really was a bit of a grid (although we had seen them before), selected highlights at http://s278.photobucket.com/albums/kk115/womblesbleed/China/
Thanks to everyone for reading, special thanks to Dilwara, Jemma, Jasmine, Rachie, John, Mum & Dad, Banu, Mick, Jerry, Blydie, Nichola, Miriam, Mikey & Raj for updating the message board.
Overall I think we got the trip about right, we managed to see five major world attractions (Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City, The Great Wall, Terracotta Warriors & Three Gorges) in one trip. Gulin & Kunming were regularly quoted as beautiful places to visit and although I don`t think we could have packed any more in, are on the list for another trip and would be practical instead of Sanya if you weren’t interested in diving or visiting a resort. I usually like to do things ourselves, even in the less Western countries, however China was far more difficult to get around than anywhere else we`ve been. The complete lack of English and the different character set is the main factor. I know unwashed backpackers do make their own way round, it`s certainly possible, but considering time limitations, desire to see everything we could and recognising this was a holiday, we didn`t want to work that hard. Even considering we had a guide, all our travel & accommodation sorted out, we still got a feel for the real China, faced some challenges and made our own way sometimes. So I think it worked out well and of course the guide tells you more about the places you visit. It was certainly better than a full package, couldn’t stand to be in a group waiting for fat Americans all the time and I think it would have been too difficult to do on our own or we would have missed some great stuff. The culture was certainly different, the Chinese are much more direct and of course there`s the pushing in thing which us English just do not like. Interaction was limited due to the language but the locals seemed friendly enough, tried to help when they could and no matter how rare your big nose was we never felt stared at or uncomfortable.
It was great to see these amazing sights, you got a real sense of being there, especially on the Great Wall and through the Three Gorges. Although China opened its boarders in 1979 after Chairman Mao died, it still is the road less travelled, but then you’re still hardly Sir Ranulph Fiennes. Beijing, although the most Western friendly is still far from it, plenty of English in the signs, so when you see “Information” you figure these guys can speak English, they can’t. I felt we were finding our feet when we returned for our overnight stop, we knew some of the streets, how the tube worked and of course my Mandarin had improved! Tiananmen Square and Forbidden City are both very busy, our first sense of just how many people there are in China and of course you’re not short of seeing a big nose or two. The Great Wall was (as the name suggests) great and I always felt it would be a sample, you could only get a true sense if you went on one of these treks. Then you bump into a couple from Rotherham who did the Machu Picchu trail last year and then there’s the villages that sprout up round these attractions selling Chairman Mao record bags and “I climbed the great wall” T shirts. Similar experience with the Terracotta warriors, I mentioned I naively thought it would be a farm and not the huge complex we found. Still an impressive sight and only when you’re there do you really understand the scale and the reasons the government takes it so seriously. The Yangze & The Gorges were great, again I mentioned I was sure it was as impressive as I imagined but then I had built it up and it’s a lot to take in on one day. The cruise being full of loads of old Americans was yet another reminder that no matter how clever you think you are there are other people around doing the same thing. I thought I was breaking new ground in my train from Beijing to Xian idea, then half the train was white and half the cruise ship had gone the same way. Cities like Chongqing, Yichang and Wuhan were interesting, would have like to experience more but then not really sure what we would have done. Sanya was a beautiful tropical resort, not great for diving and a lot of competition with Borneo, Thailand and Bali in the area but good for the end of a China tour.
China Highlights were a real revelation, http://www.chinahighlights.com. Their price was less than half that quoted by the major travel agents over here, was exactly tailored to our itinerary, included driver, personal guide & most meals, we hardly spent anything while we were there, other than presents for our lovely families. The guides were excellent (especially Nancy), always early, knowledgeable, friendly and sorted out everything as per our itinerary. Although we didn’t always ask them to do very much but I can’t tell you how good it feels when you turn up in a small place like Yichang and a little guy called Coffee appears and takes care of everything. Apparently you can bargain on the price with the agent before booking, I found out too ‘cause I bit their arm off at the price. There are a few other agents in China so I would recommend anyone checking out China Travel Service, China International Travel Service or China Youth Travel Service (if you’re young enough) and being pretty cool about the price. Some of the sights we might not have visited, there are only so many temples you can take in, but then some we might have given a miss we really enjoyed.
Anyhoo, that really is all from this holiday. Email me or post a message if anyone would like more details on anything we did or some advice on travelling, even if I don’t know you.
Photos http://s278.photobucket.com/albums/kk115/womblesbleed/China/
China Highlights http://www.chinahighlights.com
Thanks to our weekend of packing, have an easy morning, take Rachael to work, fill up the car and get breakfast from our favourite French patisserie. Leave home about 12:30, quick run on the M25, no roadworks, accidents, rubber-neckers or 25k plastic cones closing 2 lanes for 25 miles. Parked, bus, bags dropped and through security with about 2 hours to spare. Dinner in Giraffe, browse, duty frees (fags and bottle of Kahlua for the hip flask) then off to the gate. Boarding the aircraft we hear the magical words, turn left, ah the upgrade to posh cattle class feels good. No champagne cocktails served by Playboy bunnies, everything is just a little better, fine for BA’s special offer but not the normal price. Flight fine, other than the two screaming kids, damn BA’s special offer. Arrived in Vancouver, transfer to Whistler is fine (still about 2 hours), check in, unpack, order dinner (I have bagel, Jo has meat lovers pizza). Crash on the sofa then drag ourselves into bed at 12:30, 27 hours after getting up.
Get up about 8, down to breakfast, I tell myself I’m going to go easy but still end up having Oatmeal, eggs Benedict, pancakes and fruit, its all so good. Off to get our boots, try four shops without much choice, then find a nice little place with a good range of Salomon, Atomic, Technica etc. Jo and I have a guy each, I get a smart red and white Atomic, Jo gets the top of the range Salomon. We get $50 off each pair and half price rental so we’re making money right! Back to the room for a quick change then straight up to the Roundhouse. After record dumps last year there is much less snow and not nearly as cold, still plenty to go around, the pistes look good but much more greenery. I’m convinced I’m going to be a whelk again, but it all comes back on the first run, feels good and fast. We start with Greens then move on to some Blues, which all goes well other than my over confidence which leads to a couple of falls, add to a couple of times I fall over my own skis while practically standing still.
Get off the slopes about 3:30, get a coffee, Jo’s boots adjusted and some Cat-Tracks for our boots. Back to the hotel, shower change and out early to beat the 7 o/c rush for tables. Go to The Keg, one of our favourites from last time, get all steaked and start falling asleep at the table. Quick pit stop at the supermarket, then back to the room for some TV in bed, even though its only 8:40. Take it in turns to fall asleep while changing channels before settling down.
Today`s fall count - 4
Up early after are ridiculously early night, cereal and juice in our room, get kitted up and off for an early start on the slopes. Start with some nice Greens from the Roundhouse then two tough runs from Little Whistler down Harmony Ridge, I have a couple of falls, Jo is as impeccable as ever. Jo offers me a swig from the hip flask, “its 10 o/c in the morning”, I protest before giving in. Do the first part of the Dave Murray Downhill (a Black) which gives us a real sense of achievement as its at the junction with Bear Cub (Green) and was always our biggest concern in making a wrong turn, didn`t fall! Another couple of runs, then back up to the Roundhouse. Get the Peak2Peak over to Blackcomb for our lesson, turns out to be the last gondola of the day as winds get up to 110kph, the fist time its been closed! It’s near blizzard conditions on Blackcomb! Quick pit stop in The Rendezvous, then hook up with Jean for our lesson. Very glad to be going down with an experienced guide through the white-out. Usual high standard of instructors, he pushes us further, ensuring our knees are bent low, hips facing up the mountain and all the weight on the downhill ski, ensures my uphill ski comes round on its own rather than dragging it round which is my way. Gives Jo and I equal tips so I feel that I’m getting better, even though I fall some more, once trying too hard to do it the right way, once getting wiped out by a boarder, once avoiding ski school and once on the straight putting my goggles on. We say thanks and good bye to Jean as we take the run back to Whistler. Arrive in the village, legs burning and feeling satisfied with ourselves. Quick coffee from Second cup, back to the hotel and down to the Spa to relieve Jo’s seized up leg. See the incredibly fit Ozzie bird in the sauna from last year, this year she has the pleasure of a fat German trying it on. Quick dip in the hot tub, shower, Jo fixes my salopettes and off to dinner. Walk down to the Milestone at the other end of the village, very nice, we have 2 pints of honey beer. Icy walk back to the hotel, coffee from Second Cup and in by 8:40 again, settle down for some unwind time.
Today’s fall count - 6
Up around 7:15, breakfast in our room and watched Aston Villa vs Wigan, don’t know how Villa didn’t score, so many good saves and chances cleared off the line. Pretty early start, up to the Roundhouse. Warm up with some Greens, then up the Harmony chair to Little Whistler. Harmony Ridge is a little tougher with fresh snow but we do well, I have a little fall when I can’t decide where to turn and run out of room, otherwise a decent run. Take Sidewinder, a long fairly flat run through the trees where you try to gather as much speed as possible to avoid having to pole. I get to the Emerald Express but no sign of Jo, wait 10 mins and still no sign but not really an option to go up the slope and against the traffic to look for her. Eventually she turns up with a tale of a skier in front of her bent to adjust her bindings, fell over directly in front of her, Jo hit her, skis came off, flew in the air and down into the powder and into the trees. Took her ages to swim out of the deep snow but other than a bit winded she’s ok. Emerald up to the Roundhouse and Peak 2 Peak over to Blackcomb. Do a quick run down Expressway and Last Resort then up the Catskinner chairlift to The Rendezvous for some chilli before our lesson.Meet Jean, we’re the only two in our Supergroup again today, think Jean worked it that way. We do few runs working on our technique then Jean says we’re going to do something fun, he takes us down a black called Catskinner. It’s really steep and I’m nervous and hesitant but we make it down fine, mostly through good technique. Back up the chairlift a couple of times, and then Jean takes us all the way down with a mixture of Blues and Greens. We say au revoir to Jean, he’s been an excellent instructor. Quick coffee and tea in Second cup then back to our room to sort stuff out and a little relax. Set off for sushi and look round the shops in the evening. Today’s fall count – Rob 3 – Jo 2
Thanks for the snow update at home Jem & Pete, Jo’s a little upset that she’s missed snow at home but as I pointed out there would be plenty willing to exchange places! Up early again, it is becoming a chore to stay asleep long enough, not much to do in Whistler at 5:30. Oh how times will change when the 5:50 alarm for work is as welcome as the latest recession news. Breakfast in room and in the gondola by 9 o/c. There’s been a huge dump overnight, everything is looking beautiful and white. Start with an easy run down Ego Bowl, which is not so easy with all the snow after grooming last night, especially when I take an impromptu trip through a mogul field (these falls don’t count!). Up the Emerald chair and down some Blues, Little Red Run & Franz, pretty tough again with all the fresh powder, Jo wipes me out on the way. Back up again, then down Whisky Jack for lunch at the Chic Pea. We have Moroccan beef stew, now that’s hearty mountain fare. An easy after lunch Green down Lower Whiskey Jack, which you guessed it, is not that easy, then up to the Roundhouse and across to Blackcomb. Start with a beautiful narrow run through the trees along Sunset Boulevard, then back up for some challenging Blues but not before I ski straight into Jo waiting at the top of a run. Down Wishbone and Zig Zag, Pretty tough with a mixture of new powder and ice, legs really burning. Back up for our last run of the day, start with some more easy gladded runs and finish with a really tough run down Lower Gear Jammer, we continue to push harder and faster and with the legs giving out comes the occasional fall. I totally smoke Jo in the race to the village.Sock shopping and Second Cup then back to the hotel. Down to the spa for some outdoor hot tub & Sauna and chat to a Scottish / German couple who stalk us back & forward between the two. Off to the Garibaldi Lift Co to watch the Fire & Ice show, get a seat outside, at the front, under an umbrella (it’s snowing pretty hard). Have a couple of beers, order burgers, guy takes our umbrella away, try to eat food before it gets too soggy. Show is ok, maybe not as good as last year or just not feeling the love in the cold and wet. Do a bit of shopping, food & socks then back to the hotel for some jammies in front of the fire. Today’s fall count – Rob 6 – Jo 1
Thanks for the Florida update Mum & Dad, glad your getting brown while the rest of Britain freezes.
Another heavy dump of snow overnight, town is looking really pretty. Up early, breakfast in the room but got a bit delayed with banter about the snow in London. Busses, trains, airports closed, nobody can get into work, hourly crisis meetings with CS management. Funny, it’s snowed much heavier here but we’ve hardly been delayed in the 5 min walk to the gondola. Take the Village Gondola then straight on the Peak 2 Peak to Blackcomb. Straight into the Blues with Wishbone and Cruiser where I actually see Jo fall! Then almost immediately she wipes out some guy and she’s up 2 falls to 1. Then another easy gladded run through Green Line, few ups and downs then up to The Rendezvous to meet our guide for a free tour of the mountain, it’s a good way to see a few new runs and find out a bit about the mountain, and it’s free. We put ourselves in the level 4-5 slow cruiser, get greeted by a nice elderly lady and it starts to look like we’re in the OAP section. I think, never mind we can slope (getit) off and do our own thing. The runs are all Blue, the powder is deep and they all seem to be much more experienced, our legs are burning, we’re always last and struggling to keep up. 1 o/c comes and they’re off for one last run before back to the meeting point, we have one last run to the Crystal chair for the waffles at the Crystal Lodge, oh they also give good tips on the tour too! We have a massive waffle with strawberries, blueberries, syrup, chocolate chips. I plan a mix of Blues & Greens all the way down to the village. This turns into all deep powder Blues, beautiful, quiet, tree lined Blues, Rock n Roll, Glacier Rd, Short Horn & School Marm. We stop often to avoid our legs exploding but have the occasional fall through tired legs. We overshoot the Village run, end up in Blackcomb and have to get the kiddies lift back up. I smoke Jo again on the village run, but to be fair she’s not interested in a race today. Quick change in the hotel then down through the village to check on our activities and book our table for the evening. Sauna and Hot Tub to ease the aching limbs. Lots more men in the spa this week since the start of Whistler gay pride week, haven’t seen Jimmy who came for it last year (but then so did we). Back to the room for a potter then off to Earls, probably for a steak!
Today`s fall count - Rob 4 - Jo 3
Glad you made it into work Dil, reading the CS crisis minutes seems like you really were the only one.A beautiful addition Craigy, great to see some things never change. The latest sauna video is on YouTube, unfortunately its gay pride week in Whistler so maybe not exactly the toned Ozzie you were hoping for. I have been trying to work in a line about number of inches, I never thought of creating a whole vicar story, but then knowing you, not so sure it isn’t true! More pottering this episode, read on my friend. Up early, breakfast, gondola up to the Roundhouse. Cloudy in town but a beautiful day from one third up the mountain. Packed the cameras, we’re skiing with the backpack today. Peak to Creek is groomed so decide to go for the peak. Talk to a fella on the chair up to the peak who has a house in Miami and one in Whistler, bastard! Get to the peak and its fantastic, magnificent views all around, kick the skis off and spend ages taking photos. Peak to Creek starts easy then gets very steep very quickly, I have a couple of pretty poor falls, yeah its steep but I know what to do, just don’t concentrate and loose all confidence with the tricky new run. Move into Highway 86 which is still a Blue but pretty flat, although very narrow. Coffee stop at the Chic Pea, then back up to the peak. Take Matt’s Traverse this time, lovely scenic run along the ridge, then Burnt Stew Trail and into Harmony Ridge, plenty of photos along the way. Then down and across to Blackcomb. Ride The Expressway to the chair, then up to the Hortsman Lodge at the top for a late lunch. No goulash on the menu so have some other stuff, take some great photos, Jo’s foot is really hurting and the long journey down is daunting. Take Cloud 9 down, a nice mix of scenic runs and challenging ungroomed slopes. Onto Sunset Boulevard, more photos then a nice tough Blue run on Gear Jammer for the run home. Jo videos me, I fall, I later delete from the camera. Get into the village later than usual, back to the hotel for a change of footwear then off to finalise our activity for tomorrow. Potter in the room, transfer the many, many pictures for the day then out to dinner at Milestones. No steak last night so make up for it tonight, couple of honey lagers to wash it down. Village is full of gays, which is fine, Jo spots a big burley pair holding hands, which is fine. It’s practically midnight when we get back at 9:26! Potter, pictures, blog and bed ready for our even earlier start in the morning. Check out more photo’s on Snapfish with the catchy link http://www3.snapfish.co.uk/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=279823584/a=146094383_146094383/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink Today’s fall count – Rob 3
Up at 6:30 for our ice climbing exploration, we’re going to ski over to the site on Blackcomb, get kitted up and hopefully do a couple of climbs. Breakfast in the room then off to the outdoor adventure centre to meet our guide John. Pack our rucksacks, Jo gets the lighter one, me the heavier, John gets everything else. Trek across the village to the Blackcomb gondola, with the ski boots & backpacks on we’re feeling the adventure has started already. Up the gondola, then a couple of lifts, chat to John, turns out he’s an Everest summit guide, was up there last May in fact. Set some fresh tracks down an immaculate Blue, then up the Crystal Chair to the top of Blackcomb. Skied down Ridge Runner (Blue), traversed across the double diamond gladded runs, another mini challenge with different skills to apply and optional tree hugging. Then hiked up Glacier Road and up the bank to the frozen waterfall we’re about to climb. The waterfall is about 20m high with many different types of ice, from crystal clear to creamy white frosty. We get our gear on and John free climbs to the top, setting the top rope for the belay and setting an ice screw to clip in on the way up & down. I’m first, doesn’t look too hard, just kick your crampons in, heals down, ice axes in both hands, keep three points of contact and your away. It’s not that easy right from the outset, finding the right points for your axe, getting the right hold with your feet and the sheer exertion of pushing or pulling your weight in one movement, not to mention trusting your points of contact or the rope. To be honest you forget about the rope, you are just trying as hard as you can to climb on your own momentum, anyway John’s not going to haul you up the ice. I slip and slide, lose my footing and struggle all the way up to half way, I’m starting to get the hang of it but at the same time all my muscles are starting to hurt. I push on past the overhang, which is the most difficult, then up to the top. I have to actually touch the top rope to prove to myself I’ve made it all the way. A bit of a messy repel down but I make it. Jo’s turn next, she’s looking confident, she can climb but having been through the ordeal I’m a little sceptical she’ll make it. She starts of with much more style and speed, obviously learned from me and she’s at half way before you know it. Jo runs out of steam then, her axes are flailing at the ice without making much impact, but she pushes on. You can see and hear as every move is accompanied by a load grunt, John turns to me and says “she a determined one isn’t she”, “you don’t know the half of it mate” is my reply. Jo disappears over the ridge to the summit, I can only tell she’s still going by the constant grunts and swearing, but of course she does it, she reaches the top. A much more graceful repel followed by falling in a heap at the bottom.Quick bit of lunch and a break, my sub sandwich is good, Jo’s sausage roll and snickers are frozen solid. My second climb is up the more vertical, smooth ice, a more challenging climb say John, which is exactly what I wanted to hear! Start better, but my muscles are burning after a couple of meters, this really is harder, the steep incline seems so much easier than the vertical. I’m hanging on to smooth vertical ice and I feel that I can’t go any further, I’m more aware of the rope this time and I feel like I want to give up and let John take my weight, but I don’t. Three times I almost say I can’t do this, let me come down, but I don’t, I push on past the smooth vertical to the steep incline and make it to the top. Jo’s turn again now and she’s practically knawing at the rope to set off. She looks good again but the grunts start after only one meter, she’s not as quick this time but shows no sign of giving up. Jo starts to have a couple of falls from about 10 meters and she’s making hardly any progress, every step up is only a few centimetres but she keeps going until half way when after about 40 mins on the ice face she’s forced to give up. John offers me a third go, I remember how my muscles burned and how often I thought of giving up last time, so decide to go for it. I’m good on this climb, I’m quick, my axes find the right holes first time, my crampons grip, John says it was like “night & day” to my first climb. I get to half way and my crampon falls off, back to the ground for a refit and an offer to give up, I refuse! Start again, all going good, I’m at half way before you know it. Then there’s a tough overhang where the ice is past vertical, its not far to the ice screw I’m aiming for but my forearms give out and my arms slip off the axes and that’s it, down and done for the day. I guess you could say the two half ways make a whole but two & a half climbs are what I’m claiming. Jo, with half my weight and body strength does amazing to get one & a half, one from strength and ability and one from sheer determination! Kit off, back packs & ski boots on and back to Glacier Rd. Ski about another 4kms down the Glacier Rd Blue, then on the village run. John’s pretty quick and sets a challenging pace, which we mostly keep up with, watching where he turns in the distance. Meet at the bottom, we go for a quick change and take our packs back, have a chat to John, get his card for our next trip to Everest!
Coffee and shopping on the way back, hot tub & sauna, chat to our (recently engaged) Scottish / German couple. Head out for a well earned curry!
Today`s fall count - 1
Up early, usual routine. Take the Blackcomb gondola to have the morning up there and cross over to Whistler in the afternoon. Get the Glacier Express up to, well, the glacier. Have a lovely run down the bowl, then end up on the T bars as not really sure where else to go. Explain to the Liftie it’s our first time, he gives us some tips and we’re on our way. Not the most comfortable or secure feeling but we’re doing ok, then its gets very, very steep leading to the top of the glacier but we’re doing ok. Then about 20m from the top the boarder in front falls off and wipes us out and four others behind us. We’re now stranded at the top of this steep smooth slope, I have one ski near, the other at the bottom and I just don’t know what to do, I know that one move could land me skidding out of control 200m to the bottom. I ask Jo to give me some room, make my move and skid out of control 200m to the bottom. Jo does much better as she has her skis and traverses down to meet me. The boarder is very apologetic but I’m not hurt and although her fault, it was my skis that went into her body. Traverse across the powder to the Blue slopes of Showcase and Crystal Traverse. They’re groomed but steep and I’ve lost all confidence, I’m not fancying another steep uncontrolled slide, but manage ok taking it a few turns at a time. Feeling much better by the time we get to Crystal Creek lodge for a well earned coffee and fag. Some bloke from Yorkshire tries to sell us timeshare by picking us up this evening and giving a short tour of new accommodation, which translates to holding us hostages while force feeding us canapés & bullsh*t, we decline. Take a very nice, fast run down Ridge Runner (Blue), starting to feel more confident. Back up the Solar Coaster and have two consecutive runs down another Blue, Springboard. Its steep but well groomed, tree lined and pretty quiet. We get a lot of practice in on our technique and we’re looking really good and really fast. Back up at Rendezvous, fight our way through the gay event at the Peak 2 Peak and over to Whistler. Down Whiskey Jack to the Chic Pea for lunch, have Moroccan Beef, its great. Jo’s foot is really hurting again, she’s really struggling, she decides to loosen her bindings (oh er) Run down to Emerald Express then some Blues, Little Red Run & Franz Chair. Back up on the last chair for the run home. Mostly Blues down, Orange Peel, Pony Trail, Crabapple and down to the village. My confidence has returned with a vengeance, some would say far exceeding my ability, I’m flying down the pistes, I’m like Franz whats-his-name on acid, every ridge I come to I say stuff it, keep going. As the legend Craig Cowe once said if you don’t fall you’re not pushing yourself, well you can guess the rest. Back in the village, Jo’s foot is better and we’re feeling great after an awesome days skiing. Back to the room for a potter (sorry Craig) then off for some shopping and the Brewhouse for dinner, nice place, food ok. Back to the room for a nightcap and watch Robot Chicken on TV, a great little comedy show with Star Wars characters. Today’s fall count -1
Thanks for the invite Mikey, sounds much better than the daily grind in freezing London, will you come meet us in your pick-up with gun rack. Craig, I’ve learned everything about political correctness from you! Up early, having to start to ration the breakfast to avoid another trip to the shop. Try to sort out an upgrade for the flight home, fail. Up the Whistler gondola to start our day of trying to complete as many Blue runs as possible on our last day. Start with Cougar, it’s a tough start, a mogul field, we navigate it with as little grace as possible. Then we’re down to Ptarmigan which has been closed for racing practice for most of our stay. It’s a nice run, lots of short steep slopes with flat ridges in between. Down Orange Peel & Pony Trail, fly past lots of learners looking like I did last year! Back up to try Jolly Green Giant, a very pleasant tree lined run, quick run and back down Harmony Piste, then back to the peak for a final try on Harmony Ridge where I’ve fallen twice before. It’s a tricky run, lots of narrow pistes, steep slopes and sharp turns. We come to a section where the run seems to disappear over a ridge, there’s lots of boarders and skiers at the top working out their line, Jo just skis past and is down the first slope before you know it, I follow and then we’re on the sharp bend banked with snow, barely a ski width to go down, I try to turn, hit a rock and am over, its beaten me again, remainder of the run goes well. Back up and down to the Chic Pea for lunch. Its such a glorious day they’re barbequing on the patio, we resist the burgers and go for our favourite Moroccan Beef Stew. Quick after lunch run down Old Crow, then back up for the Blackcomb crossing. We take the Expressway to 7th Heaven, running out of time now we take Green Line back down. Over to Wishbone, then onto Honeycomb which was a very tough run, mixture of snow piles, ice and rock but another to tick off. Back up the Excelerator chair, then Wishbone, Cruiser and Mainline for our run home. All good runs, some tough with changing surfaces, I fall on Cruiser going far too fast for the conditions and my ability! Approaching the village the snow has turned to slush from being in the sun all day, race Jo home on our final run home. We sit on the wall feeling very satisfied with our 9 days skiing!Over to return our skis, see the same guy and it really feels like it was only this morning we took them out. Buy boot bags to match our boots and grab a coffee & white hot chocolate from Second Cup and back to the hotel. Book our upgrade for the flight home for £8 more than the special offer I failed to get in the morning. Go to the spa and its Mardi Gras in the hot tub (which is fine), go for the empty sauna option. Jump in the gay hot tub after, they’re all exchanging names and phone numbers (which is fine), I’m not included, maybe I’m not good looking enough, maybe its because I’ve got my arm around Jo talking about girls, beer and football. Anyhoo, mince back to the room for shower and change for dinner. We’re off to The Keg tonight for our final steak, probably do the last of our shopping. Today’s fall count – Rob 2 – Jo 1
Hi everyone. Thanks for the well wishes Kayla, you keep an eye on Howie for me! We will try to occasionally have a break. Not got any plans tomorrow.
Up at 4:30 this morning, good drive through central London, parked and in the terminal by 7:10. Check in was brisk, security a little sticky. Had a wonder around the duty free, browsed as we had time but didn't get anything other than the obligatory fags and chocolate. Decided to go to the fancy Gordon Ramsey Plane Food restaurant, eggs Benedict & pastries. Had a nice relax, read of the papers and feeling a bit dozy, looking forward to the pre-flight nap when we get on the plane. Leave the restaurant, realise we've only got 20 mins and the board says the flight is closing! Run to the shuttle, tap my feet as if its going to make the journey faster, sprint up 2 escalators and to the gate. BA says its fine and no need to rush. Down the elephants trunk and into our start of row, premium cattle seats.
Flight pretty uneventfully, food good (excellent chick pea pasty, think we're going to be enjoying a lot of pulses on this holiday). Entertainment system disappointing as its not on demand and mine doesn't work. We start to watch The International on the laptop, I doze off so Jo turns it off, not realising I cheekily watched it on my own going to NY. Other than that, music, doze, numb bum.
Arrive in New Delhi pretty much on time at 11:15 local time and its 30C! Passport control has an extra pig flu check which is nice. All else is pretty quick and smooth, we're met by our guide Aghay and driver Mr Vikram. About 40 min drive to the hotel, even on the main roads things are a bit hectic, its a cross between a motorway and a dirt track.
Arrive at the Oberoi, its lovely, our room is lovely but have to go outside for a fag! Not much opportunity to explore as its late, more on that tomorrow.
Had a lay in after our late night, up at 8:30, then down to the 360 restaurant for breakfast, lovely little place, bright and modern. Quite a cross section of nationalities, tourists and business types. Ordered Waffles and Masala Dosa, which was a delicious rice pancake with potato filling and lentils. Then a selection of pastries & fruit for afters. Read the local papers, front page in the Delhi Times is that a Bollywood star had promised his wife that he would not kiss on screen, but now feels he must go back on it for the part!
Back up to the room for a rest and a plan. Decide its the zoo for us, so get in a little morris minor taxi and we're off. Taxi was 50rp (70p) and entrance to the zoo is 100rp for two (or £1.40), its 10rp each for locals. Have to check in my rucksack for security (I guess) and there's no smoking in the zoo, doesn't seem the Indians are big smokers! Zoo ok, bit shabby but the animals look happy. See elephants and tigers and stuff, let most of the many deer enclosures pass us by. Meet an English couple on the way out, they've been in India for a month and have another 10 months traveling on their world tour. Have to go collect my bag from the cloak room that makes the Astoria seem like the Wolseley! Eventually collect mine and my new friends bag. New friends are staying in the YWCA, I'm embarrassed to say we're at the Oberoi. Get a taxi back to the hotel, everyone wants us to go on somewhere else or hire them for the next day, but they're not pushy when we say the tours already arranged.
Back at the hotel we have a well earned coffee and Cool Colins (fancy lemonade) then get our PE kit on and down to the gym. 20 min run (339 cals for the log) then some weights and sit ups. Quick shower and change into the swimmies for a dip in the infinity pool. Pool is lovely and so is the garden area for sun loungers. We're chatting in the pool, then all of a sudden I spot something amazing and demand Jo look straight around away, Jo expecting to see some buxom Russian princess is just as surprised as me to see an eagle joing us for a dip. Swim a few laps then a relax in the garden with some music and a book.
Back up to the room, watch some of Englands innings against SA, they have a 24hr cricket channel here, it's great! Shower and into our going out clothes. Ask at the front desk to recommend somewhere, so we're off to Veda. Hotel recommends asking the taxi driver to wait for us so we do. Veda is an amazing restaurant, its like some achingly hip west London club, grand interior, practically pitch black and chill out music coming from the DJ. I have a G&T, Jo a pint of Kingfisher, they bring us a lamp for the menu. Struggle with the menu, bit of a poshy nouveau Indian but we order a mixed starters, biryani, another chicken and selection of pulses. Its all very nice, very nice indeed but we both stop before we feel like we're going to burst! Quite an expensive meal, even by English standards, but very nice all the same. Drivers waiting for us outside, which is just as well for him as we hadn't given him any money yet.
Back at the hotel we have a little explore then up to the room, in jammies and put the cricket on. England made 323/8, Gibbs looking dangerous........but Anderson's got 'im!
Curry count = 2
Great news, England won by 22 runs and are in the semis of the ICC trophy!
Up at 7:3 0and down to breakfast, can't manage any cooked after our din last night. I find my favorite Dr Bircher muesli, followed by assortment of smoked fish, yogurt and pastries. Bump into our agent Abhay on the way back, he tells us they're ready to take us on the tour, Jo points out that since they didn't arrange a time they will have to wait. Doesn't take us long to get ready for the off.
First stop is Humayun's Tomb, a mausoleum dedicated to the ruling Muslim family in the 15th to 17th century (for the history fans out there). We walk around the grounds taking pictures and listening to Mr Singh's history lessons. Grounds are full of teenage girl soldiers, Jo gets chatting to some while I'm crawling on a ledge inside. The girls are keen on getting a picture with Jo until the Sergent major muscles in so Jo gives him a big kiss as he's getting his picture taken, the girls become hysterical with laughter! I crawl out, then follows a sequence of us having our picture taken with each of the girls in the brigade. About 2 hours later we move on! From there we drive to old Delhi and the Red Fort. It's a festival today (Somavati Amavasi I think) and the fort is closed. We weave through the madding traffic to the Jama Masjid (largest mosque in India). Shoes left outside the courtyard is red hot. Lots of Indian tourists want their picture taken with us, Jo is especially popular!
Short stops at the India Gate and Rashtrapati Bhawan (one time home of the Viceroys, now government buildings). Then Mahatma Gandhi's monument, a simple black stone with a flame in beautiful sculptured but simple gardens, seems fitting of the man. Mr Singh speaks with great awe and admiration of the man on every Indian banknote. We stop at a carpet shop, a deal struck by the guide, but we're ok cause found some great presents on similar stops in China. We get a cup of tea and a hard sell, fantastic workmanship and beautiful rugs but we just don't want one and Jo tells him in no uncertain terms. We're not out of the woods yet as we're handed over to the fabrics man, similar story, starting price is too high to bother haggling over something that would be a nice present at a reasonable price. Settle on a table runner after get 1,000 rp off the price. Handed over to the enamel man (man selling enamel jewelery, not a man made of enamel) but we've had enough and tell him goodbye. On to Qutub Minar for our last stop, a magnificent tower structure erected by the Hindu's then transformed into a Islamic monument when the Muslim invaders took over. Wandered around the ruins for a while, Mr Singh is fascinated by an iron column, I don't see it but perhaps I've stopped listening at the end of the day.
Drive back to the hotel on the motorway, see two camels, a horse and two elephants, there's something you don't see on the M25! Coffee and a treat in the hotel cafe, actually when I say coffee I mean papaya & fennel seed smoothie. Back to the room and down to the pool. Cool off, swim a few lengths, speculate on the sexual orientation of two guys sitting by the pool. Relax and doze while drying off. Back to the room for shower and dress for dinner. Decide to just eat in the hotel and its very nice. Stick to the Indian theme, poshy Indian theme at that.
Watch some cricket when we get back to the room, torn between my adopted home and my the country of my hosts. Aus struggle to 24/1 from 8 but pick up to 234/4 before the rains came.
We leave Delhi tomorrow, I don't feel I've got much of a feel for the city. The hotel is in the city but it seems to sprawl greatly from the centre. The main shopping areas have been closed for Sunday or festival and the sights we've gained from the car have been less than inspiring. I'm sure there's some lovely and interesting areas but we just don't have time to investigate.
We leave at 8 o/c tomorrow so time for bed.
Curry count 3
No blogs on the web for a few days, been out of internet access on the road or on safari!
Only changing planes in Mumbai (Bombay) Dil. Finding all the cities in India quite daunting! Catching a bit of Bollywood on the TV, but finding it hard to tear myself away from the multitude of 24hr cricket channels!
I know Kayla, it’s all a bit strange! People take pictures of you while you’re walking along, others come up and ask you to pose with their family. It was the same in China, the guide told us local tourists come to the big cities from the villages and have never seen white people before and want to take pictures back to show off to their friends!
Up at 6 for the long road to Agra. Finish packing, then down to breakfast, just light muesli and croissants. Check out of the excellent Oberoi and we’re on our way. Traffic is utterly mad, rickshaws are 3 wheel motorbike taxis for people who have no regard for their safety, they weave in and out making four lanes out of two. Then there’s the busses, trucks, taxis, anything from two wheels to four legs. Its quite fun at first cheering Mr Vikram as he hoots & honks, pushes & shoves his way through the traffic to make minor inroads into our long journey. We imagine that it will smooth out into wide motorways as we leave the outskirts of Delhi. Well it kinda does a bit, no motorway but the traffic eases, until every junction on the way descends into a madding honking hell.
We stop once for a fag and water break and once at the motorway services. Overpriced tourist tat in the shops so we just avail ourselves of the excellent washroom facilities. We stop again after about 3 ½ hours to visit Sikandra (mausoleum of emperor Akbar) and pick up our guide. Only our guide hasn’t arrived yet so we take ourselves off, I’m quite looking forward to just ignorantly looking round and not getting a history lesson. We buy our ticket and pass through the hugely impressive main gate. There is a gate at each point of the compass, three are well preserved but the fourth is crumbling, wonder why that is. Admire the gardens with the peacocks & gazelles. It is fiercely hot! About to go into the mausoleum and our guide Prageta arrives looking very rushed and hot.
Back in the car and back on our way. Traffic follows similar pattern, except less rickshaws and taxis, more carts, oxen and camels. Finally arrive at the Gateway hotel about 3 o/c. Get showered and little relax before we’re off for our visit to Agra Fort. Fort is really impressive and interesting, Prageta tells us about the history and the design to fight off enemies, crocodile filled moat and gardens full of tigers. Get our first glimpse of the Taj Mahal, looks eerily impressive in the late afternoon mist. Get the big lens out for some serious photos of the Taj. Set it up on the tripod, attract a lot of attention from fellow tourists, people come up to me and say how big and impressive it is, I shrug modestly. Finish our tour as the sun starts to set.
Prageta offers us a tour of some factory, we’re not interested. Back in the hotel, another shower and a rest before dinner. We’re only staying one night so hotel was not top of our list for luxury, however food in the restaurant was really good. Tummy feeling a little tender so stick to the milder but still add to the curry count. Buy Christmas bauble & presents (sorry girls, secret), yet another shopkeeper exclaims “you’re robbin’ me” (can’t do the accent).
Curry count 4
Days keep getting earlier as we’re up at 5:15 for our trip to the Taj Mahal. Cereal bar and wake up watching Fulham vs Arsenal. Downstairs and off with Prageta & Mr Vikram for the short drive to the Taj. It’s about 6:10 when we get there but still pretty busy. Walk up to the gate (which is impressive in itself) and from there see the Taj Mahal through the entrance. One of the great things about Islamic architecture is the symmetry, everything lines up, so many different angles and opportunities to frame the subject. Prageta lines me up on the perfect point to frame the Taj in the entrance, then one step forward for another and so on. American group behind me subtly ahem to hurry me on but balls to them I’ve come a long way for this! Lots of photographs of the Taj, Taj with gardens, Taj reflected in the fountains, Taj through this arch, Taj through that arch, Taj up close and so on! Prageta poses for a Chinese photographer, she gives him her card, I tell her he’s a stalker, he’s gonna have pictures of her stuck on the walls of his bedroom, don’t think she understood.
Finally leave the Taj, have mediocre breakfast, check out and off on the even longer road to Ranthambhore. Turns out we haven’t avoided the factory after all as Prageta sneakily takes us to the marble factory. We’re there about 10 mins, feel a bit sorry for the teenage lads lined up to demonstrate filing little bits of stone to fit into the marble designs. About an hour on we arrive at Fatehpur Sikri (Akbar’s work again!). Lots of palaces for various wives, kinda like a royal smorgasbord of delights. Impressive architecture and fascinating mix of religious images. Back on the road, it’s an interesting but very long drive, mercifully few manic junctions but road deteriorates into a rocky dirt track about 20km from the park. Let’s see what we saw, a bus with people on the roof, brightly decorated tinsel covered lorries (one slows down to a stop when they see Jo taking their photo), assorted animals pulling carts, people pulling carts, people pulling animals, lots of cows in the road (who don’t give a damn), tractors and a few Frankenstein vehicles, a radiator attached to an engine block, steering wheel sticking out, all strapped to a board with wheels.
Eventually arrive at the Pugmark hotel in the middle of the park. We’re not impressed, being in the park it’s not the level of luxury we’ve become accustomed to (originally I thought being in the park was a plus). Although as well as us being wusses the room is roasting hot, air conditioner not working and running alive with insects. We’re set to leave but its late, the Oberoi down the road has tents! and they give us a new, cool, insect free room. Dinner, blog, bed.
Curry count 5 (if you count that I had lentils & rice for dinner)
Yet another early start as we’re up at 5:45 ready for our safari pick up at 6:30. Coffee (instant) and biscuits (well crackers) complimentary from the hotel. We climb into the raised back section of the jeep like Stevo (God rest him) and Terri Irwin. Tear off down the dirt track and onto the park. The drivers have some sort of lottery to determine which route they’re on, we’re on three this morning. Track is rocky and steep but that doesn’t change the style of driving, charging around, overtaking whenever possible. See a lot of deer, a lot of deer! Gazelles, spotted deer, Sambar deer, so plenty of food for the tiger, but no tiger! See a sloth bear though, the guide shouts out baloo, baloo, but he’s just looking for the bear necessities and he’s back in the forest.
Back in the resort and our room is mercifully cool. Have breakfast, porridge, chicken sandwiches and toast. Go back to our room to plan our escape, but the room is much better, it’s going to be a hassle and I figure not having the option to eat vast quantities of delicious food has it’s advantages. Check on the hotels for Jaipur, Jodhpur and Udaipur and are reassured our “roughing it” won’t last past Friday. Dip in the pool, change, lunch (alo gobi adding to the count) and we’re off on our afternoon safari.
We’re the only ones in the jeep, jeep speeds through town, picks up another couple, older guy from Oz (sex tourist) and younger Indian guy (rent boy). Pass through the rest of town, its mad, camels pulling carts, women with bundles of, well, everything on their heads, empty brick shacks for houses and real farm people living in mud huts. Everyone very cheery and wave madly as we go passed. We enter the park from a different entrance, pick up another guide and are off into the wilderness. Drive and guide much better this afternoon, even though it’s scorching hot and terrain near vertical. Some more great deer photos, I dutifully take a picture of everything they point out, even though there’s deer in the park behind our house. It gets quite exciting as they hear warning calls from the animals (that a tiger is approaching) then we tear off towards the sound. The guide gets news that one has been seen near a watering hole and its hold tight and we’re off again! We’re on our way out with 20 mins left before the park closes and our guide gets a tip off and we’re racing back into the park again. All to no avail, no tiger again! Another interesting and mad journey back through town.
Back at the hotel, shower, potter and change for dinner. I’m not feeling the love for dinner, except they have custard and pomegranate, how great, why hasn’t anyone thought of that before! Sit and chat to our new jock friends, they are safari experts. Meet some normal people from the south east, much easier to understand. Turns out they’ve move to Vancouver, we’re very jealous of them being able to pop down to Sqarmish and Whistler for the weekend. I drag Jo back to the room to watch a film.
Curry count 6
Usual 5:45 start, dressed, gear packed and on to the lawn for chai tea and biscuits. Chat with our Scott/English/Canadian friends until the jeeps come. Jock couple have the same route for all three safaris, we’re on route one this morning with Mike & his wife from California. Nice older couple and we chat away up to the gate. I’m guessing their in their late 60s, seem to have travelled everywhere and are still exploring, they’ve been in India for a month. Mike’s ambition is to open a taco stand in Sydney. The usual flock of hawkers descend upon us while we’re waiting for the guide to sort out the paperwork. Mike drives a hard bargain to get three hats for 1,000rp, sounds like a pretty good deal and a good marker for our haggling.
We’re off in the park, see a nice selection of deer again, funny the driver never stops for monkeys, guess they figure they’re about as noteworthy as a stray dog. We seem to be meandering this morning after the excitement of last night. Then there’s a call that there has been a sambar kill in the night, but drats, we’re blocked by a hole in the road and have to wait for a JCB to come and fill it in. And so it arrives, chugging and growling, bleeping while it reverses. Eventually we tear off in search of the tiger with its kill, only no one seems to know where it is, which makes you wonder how they knew there was a kill in the first place! We’re beginning to loose heart when we pull up behind an excited jeep, they see the tiger! The guide frantically points to the undergrowth, big male tiger he shouts in a whisper. We can just about make him out but you can see him pacing, looking around, snarling in defence of his kill. There’s a female as well, we see her wandering up to the kill, apparently there are cubs too but we can’t see them. She lies down in the long grass and he wanders off, both disappearing from view. We had always imagined that when (if) we saw one it would be laying in the water, prowling on the plain or better still we would arrive just as it leapt upon an unsuspecting gazelle by the water hole. Still we saw real tigers in the wild and the fact that they were just prowling in the undergrowth kinda added to the realism. Got some decent photos with the big lens, Jo got some great footage with the video camera.
Back to the hotel, breakfast and bragging to the others about our tiger sighting, we’re the only ones today to see one. Word spreads around the resort and we’re minor celebrities. Pop into the resort shop, greeted by the affable Raj who doesn’t give us the hard sell and give us straight prices on all his goods. Raj’s hats are 100rp (£1.10), which is 1/3 what Mike paid and 10% of the hawkers original asking price. We stock up on gifts. Back to the room for a delightful afternoon nap. Lunch and chat to our friends, then off for our afternoon safari.
We’re in a jeep with our English friends from Vancouver (Chris & Tilly I think) and an American couple. We see a monitor lizard and crocodile as well as the many variations of deer, all alive & well and in no immediate danger of being eaten I’m afraid. Rest of the safari is uneventful and we make our way back to the hotel. The sun is setting and we’re eager to take pictures of the sunset over the rugged terrain. I’m in and out of the jeep so much that when we’re 50m from the gate I say I’ll walk back. I’m taking yet another picture of the sunset when some local farm kids come running up to me, only to be chased away by hotel security with a stick!
Back to the room for a shower, potter and start on packing. Strange collection of fried vegetables being prepared outside, everything from chips to okra & aubergine. Sit with our English friends and new couple from England / US (relatives I think). Chat for ages about travelling, skiing, sports and stuff. American guy recommends Copper Mountain for skiing in Colorado. Our three weeks seems woefully inadequate when talking with fellow travellers, new couple are doing round the world in 6 months, English couple spent 8 weeks through Russia, China, Malaysia and India. Will have to have a word with the boss when we get back.
Pick up some postcards from Raj (6 for 85p) and drag ourselves off to our bed.
Curry count 9 (I’m counting all three meals today)
Leisurely lay in this morning, up at 8o/c. Double porridge for breakfast followed by Indian bread and chickpeas. Chai tea in the garden then its back to our room for a final sweep and checkout. Jo says our goodbyes to our new friends while I take care of business. Mr Vikram is waiting for us with the car loaded and we’re soon off. On reflection I’m glad we didn’t switch hotels, it was good to have a little less luxury, no TV or internet for three days didn’t hurt us (don’t think I wanted to see the cricket anyhoo) and we got to meet some interesting people and exchange travel stories in the more casual atmosphere.
On the road for another fascinating journey. Through the rural areas filled with goats, sheep (lots of sheep on the way to market), pigs, cows (always completely confident that no harm will come to them), camel, ox (one does a great big poo in front of the car), all competing for the same road. Housing ranges from brick shells to straw huts, real traditional farm people in traditional dress, seemingly doing traditional farming. Then there’s the motorcycle sale, service and repairs in the towns. I naively thought this was all a myth and have been genuinely surprised how underdeveloped the parts of India we’ve visited, including Delhi.
Pass a procession about 10k outside Jaipur, ornamental camels, followed by man singing from ice cream van, beautifully dressed women decorated with floral garlands, diminishing into anyone in town who fancies it wandering behind. Takes up one side of the dual carriageway, forcing all traffic to drive down the wrong way. Mr Vikram negotiates round the procession but his route is blocked but some building works, we’re forced to double back and into the procession again, Mr V is not pleased! It’s getting on for four hours when we arrive at Shahpura House hotel in Jaipur. Jaipur looks as intimidating and difficult to get around as any other place we’ve been but the hotel is delightful and we’re greeted by the wonderfully enthusiastic and eccentric Indian manager Eric Williams, he informs us he’s Roman Catholic named after St Eric (apparently). Hotel is similarly charming and eccentric, the door to our room is stained glass with a padlock for the key, traditional wooden bed with silk furnishing that wouldn’t be out of place in a harem (except it’s not inhabited by a bevy of veiled beauties in silk pyjamas, unfortunately). Otherwise hotel is small, traditional but very clean, bright and well maintained. Have coffee and biscuits before retiring to the room for an afternoon relaxing and catching up with the news.
In the evening enjoy a most delightful meal in the rooftop restaurant. Wonderful surroundings, authentic atmosphere, traditional dancing and excellent food. Try Indian Fosters as recommended by some of our fellow travellers, they say its proper Indian and nothing like we get at home. I say it’s like making love in a canoe. Strange puppet man comes on and we go. TV and bed ahhhhh.
Curry count 10
Thanks Heidi, glad you like. Yeah the Taj Mahal is an awe inspiring place, I’m really pleased with the photos, although they can’t convey the true size, precision or perfection of the place. Sure James will treat you to a trip!
Up at a very respectable 7o/c this morning. Modest breakfast buffet, cereal, masala dosa, pancakes & fruit. Coffee on the terrace, meet a confused man looking for Joe Clark, which turns out to be Jo (Joanna Claire = Joe Clark?) and the confused man turns out to be our guide Mr Raul. It’s cool today, low 20s and a bit of drizzle in the air, a remarkable change from the scorchio of the previous week. First up the Palace of the Wind (Hawa Mahal), probably the most iconic image of Jaipur but its just a viewing platform for the wives of the Maharaja, we don’t stop, just a photo from across the road. Next we’re off to the Amber Fort, I comment to Mr Raul that I haven’t seen anyone playing cricket in India, I say it’s a myth the Indians love cricket. As we arrive at the fort there are about 10 games of cricket being played on the dry river bed, I stand corrected. We’re having an elephant ride up to the fort gate, I imagine the beast crouches down as I mount him behind the ears and guide him up the ramp like a Maharaja. Reality is there’s a procession of tourists queuing up the steps to the elephant boarding point where you clamber on its back. You’d think being 10 feet off the ground would deter the hawkers, not to mention the potential to squashed as the 4 tonne beasts meander up the narrow path. But no, they haggle and throw up tat for you to examine all the way up, then there’s the photographers perching on the wall shouting looky here. Its fun none the less and quite grand coming through the gate and into the courtyard where the elephant skilfully manouvers you onto the set down point. Mr Raul tells us how in the old days the courtyard was covered in sand and was used by the army to train on horses, it’s quite easy to imagine. We’re guided through the grounds and the palace by the space invading Mr Raul. All very grand and interesting.
We’re taken to a textile factory next, interesting demonstration of each stage in the carpet making process, we tell him straight away we’re not buying carpet and that’s enough for him. Quick browse of the shop and we’re back on our way.
Mr Raul takes us to the City Palace, which still houses the current Maharaja, although his father was the last king to carry any power. It’s an interesting little palace, beautify ornamental gates, especially the peacock. The museum has the pyjamas of one of the old kings who was 7ft tall and 4ft wide, strangely narrow legs on the PJs though.
Finally we go round the corner to Jantar Mantar, the astrological observatory. Our fellow travellers have raved about this place where 17th century mathmaticians created these instruments to measure time (with an accuracy of 2 sec), months, zodiac signs and their astrological details. Although hugely impressive it’s a bit of let down as nothing works when the sun isn’t shining (admittedly that’s very rare round here).
Mr Raul offers to take us for lunch, we turn him down as he’s rather dull. Ask to stop at an ATM, which there seems to be some trouble finding. Pull up outside one, then Mr Vikram spots a better one across the street, okey dokey I say getting out of the car, NO says Mr V, I drive you.
Back to the hotel loaded up with cash! Have some sandwiches and rest in our room.
Mr Vikram picks us up at 5:30, the tour has booked us a meal and a show but first he’s taking us to some shops to buy souvenirs, not tourist shop, only Indians assures Mr V. We pull up at a textile shop and are shown lots of tops, scarves and saris. I’m not sure how the pricing works so I have a little haggle but the prices are fixed and exceptionally cheap. Get some presents for the girls and for Colleen as I promised. Next stop bangle shop where we get some fine examples and a carved elephant. I ask if they have any turbans, as I’m sure James would delight in walking round Gants Hill in one. Mr V says we shouldn’t buy as there’s a turban museum at the restaurant. We arrive at the “5 star resort” described in the travel agent itinerary, which is strangely in a back st courtyard. Man comes and opens the turban museum, an intriguing 5 minute diversion, never knew there were so many and all had different meanings. Alas, the turban museums is out of stock of turbans, what is the world coming to! We are the only guests at the “5 star dinner and show”. We chat with Mr Vikram, discover that he has a wife, 2 children and Vikram is his first name (I will drop the Mr in future reference).The place has a run down colonial charm and we enjoy our Kingfisher, tiffin style dinner and exotic dancing.
Head back to the hotel about 8:30, for coffee on the roof terrace. We finish our packing (not that we got much out for 2 nights) and settle down to watch Day of the Dead (recent remake with that bird from American Beauty in it).
Curry count 12
Up at 7am again, similar breakfast buffet, coffee on the veranda then get our bits together for the off. It’s peeing with rain in Jaipur today! We’re on the road again, wonder what interesting sights are in store on the next leg of our trip. We’ve seen much more animal life on the roads since we left Delhi, there seem to be cows everywhere in Jaipur. Market traders leave all their scraps for the cows to hoover up at the end of the day. They wander up and down the dual carriageways, side roads, wander across roundabouts, then pretty much sleep where they like. Apparently they always find their way back to their owner in the morning for milking. Beggars seem to have become more prevalent too (not that I’m suggesting a connection). Not too intrusive, a few came up to us while out in Jaipur yesterday and also sometimes when the car pulls up. Happens quite a lot on the next leg, tapping on the window pleading when we stop at a level crossing, I get surrounded when I pop outside for a fag. Everyone says there’s no point giving to one as you will be mobbed and its dubious whether they keep the money, none of them bother the nationals.
Other than that not much of interest. Stop for emergency pee 3 hours in, then again at a charming motel for coffee, ice cream and a lizard close encounter for Jo in the ladies.
Arrive at the Taj Hari Mahal about 3 o/c and we’re back in the opulent luxury we deserve! Hotel is grand, room is beautiful & spacious. Gets holiday rep is polite but useless as always. Pop to the bar for a coffee and snack, I have the excellent club sandwich, Jo has the superb chick tikka parantha. Have a little potter then down to the pool for a swim. Been feeling a bit dopey all day, symptom of passively sitting in the back of the car for 6 hours I guess, swim is great, clears the head and feel more alert and energized. Back to the room to check up on the news, been hearing snips of storms in the south, Jo is worried we’re going to arrive to a flood but Goa should be fine next week.
We’re off to the Marwar Restaurant in the hotel for dinner, then maybe a cheeky Kahlua nightcap.
Curry count 15 (not really any doubt going to have curry this evening)
Usual start, delightful breakfast of museli, waffles and fruit. Rucksack packed and off to reception to meet our guide for the day. My ignorant western brain has forgotten the name of the guide, other than his surname is Singh. Now that’s not going to help you if you come to Rajasthan or the fact he has a moustache as 90% of the adult men in Jodhpur have upper lip furniture. This is a shame as he was by far the best guide we’ve had, excellent English, very knowledgeable and an easy way about him. We learn on the way that cities ending in pur (as in Jodhpur) are Hindu cities, ones ending in bad (as in Hyderabad) are Muslim.
First stop is the Jaswant Thada memorial build by one the Maharaja widows (she probably got people to do it for her). It is a beautifully ornate marble sculptured building on the hills above the city. Mr Singh explains the customs and beliefs of Hinduism, it is fascinating, I now feel I understand so much more about what I’ve seen in documentaries. Take some great photos of the memorial and the surrounding city. From there we move on to the Mehrangarh Fort further up at the highest point. It is a magnificent red sandstone fort, stunning as the buildings seem to rise up directly out of the rock. The inside is just as interesting, as it is one of the best maintained forts and we can go through most of the inner buildings. Stunning views of the beautiful blue painted buildings of the city and the divide between the city wall.
Next we go down to the city and into the markets. Vikram (no Mr) drops us off and Mr Singh takes us through the bustling streets. Jodhpur feels much different to the other cities we’ve visited, more inviting, less intimidating. People are friendly, inquisitive but in no way intrusive. Of course much is the same, scooters, carts, rickshaws (or took-tooks as they call them here) race down the narrow streets sounding their horns. There are people (and cows) everywhere and all the stalls seem to spill out onto the streets. It’s dusty, smelly, noisy, crowded and wonderful. Mr Singh takes us to yet another textile shop, Maharani Art, we humour him but are enchanted by the wonderful and wonderfully camp salesman who is already showing an Aussie couple the range of bedspreads he’s made for DKNY, Hermes, Armani (you name it) he’s got press cutting from every fashion magazine you can think of and a picture Richard Gere buying 108 of them (presumably Richard was looking for the hamster stall). The prices are astonishing (no really). We buy two and a spare scarf and some cushion covers. Quick tour of the rest of the market as I’m on a mission to get to the lassi parlour Mr Singh promised. Through the bamboo market, spice, rice, tea, bangle & plastic washing up bowl markets and we arrive at the crowded, run down lassi mecca. The place is full of locals and we squeeze into a table, a gruff sweaty man is wandering though slamming glasses and throwing plates onto tables. Finally (about 30 secs) mine arrives, a glass of thick white liquid with two table spoons in it. It’s too thick to drink, so I dig out the delicious creamy goodness. It tastes of yoghurt, condensed milk, vanilla, lemon and much more. I’m pretty sure it’s high in everything that’s bad but it’s so good. The gruff man turns into a pussy cat when Jo asks to take his picture and pretty soon we’re all posing arm in arm like long lost lassi brothers. Oh and it sets me back 17rp (22p). Ok enough of the lassi, we’re off to the palace. A lovely modern building (built around 1940) that is part palace, part hotel, part museum. The current king and his family still live in their part, the prince was tragically paralysed after a polo accident. The museum is full of pictures & portraits of the Maharajas from the 15th century to the present day.
Tour done and we’re back to the hotel, where we’re met by our friends from Maharani Art with our stuff and their Visa machine to accept payment. It’s been fiercely hot today, around 40C, so it feels so good to get back in the air conditioned luxury of the hotel. We treat ourselves to coffee and cake, 2 big pieces of fancy cake for £1. Then back to our room for a potter and sort out. Waddle down to the pool, water is great after the heat of the day and swim lengths until we work off the waffles, lassi and cake. Back again to the room for shower and change for dinner. Order lamb off the regional specialities and its fantastic (and I hate lamb). Unfortunately, it’s too spicy for Jo and she goes something like the colour Kayla went after eating two chillies in the Bekash!
Coffee, Kahlua and listen to the organ man in the bar playing movie theme tunes, including that bloody Titanic one! Stumble out of the bar to pack our few bits and settle down for bed.
Curry count 16
Yes Dil, but people stare at you in Canary Warf….because you’re so beautiful. We’re fine with it really and quite used to it after China last year too.
Familiar start of breakfast and coffee. Final pack and sweep of the room before setting off once again. I’m quite sad to be leaving Jodhpur so soon, such an interesting & friendly city and luxurious hotel. I comment on this to the check out bird who suggests we extend our stay another night, the temptress. We must press on and soon we’re back on the road with Vikram. Landscape changes once again from the barren, scrubby land of Jodhpur to greener and hillier. Petrol, fag & toilet stop is the highlight of the first couple of hours.
We have an unscheduled sightseeing stop on the way at the Chaumukha Mandir, a Jain temple (Jain is similar to Buddhism). As this was not on our itinerary we’re under prepared with only the happy snap camera (at least that should limit us to <100 pictures) and Jo’s otherwise lovely bare legs are frowned on by the temple guards. Luckily she’s wearing convert-o-pants so slips the legs out of her case and zips them on. There’s a stream of Indian girls coming out as we enter, one stops us to tell Jo how beautiful she is, think she was pretty please with that. Temple is stunning, well work Jo putting her legs on for. Hundreds of individually and different carved columns through the white marble complex interwoven with trees. The priest offers to show us around (as we are unescorted today) and tell us about the history. Built in 1439, and then hidden from the Mughal invaders, he is the 17th in his family line to serve at the temple. He looks disapprovingly at the bundle of 5 tenners I give him (less than £1 I know, but as we also know he could have 3 lassis with that). Have a most enjoyable tour of the temple, then we’re back on the road again. Vikram navigates through the winding mountain roads up to a little café for our lunch stop. We stick to lemonade as our tummies are feeling delicate today, Vick goes round the back for the (presumably) free driver’s lunch.
Back on the road, 10 minutes in Vicky proclaims its 4 late highway from now on. And it is, 2 lanes each way, only there are trucks coming towards us and the other carriageway isn’t being used. After 1km the highway ends and we’re back on a narrow hill lane and get stuck behind a goat herd, which continues with us as we rejoin the highway. We enter Udaipur and it’s a warren of narrow winding streets, another stressful drive for Vikram. A lot of the restaurants have signs saying they’re showing the Bond film Octopussy continuously, apparently it was set here. We arrive at the palace complex, the old palace has been converted into four different hotels. Ours is delightful and our spacious room has four windows with seating all overlooking the lake. We go and explore the rest of the hotel complex, it is very grand, so much of the original décor, artwork, and furniture still remain. Its looking a little tired in places but exceptionally grand none the less.
Shower and change for dinner in the rooftop restaurant in our section of the hotel. Get some sunset and night pictures of the palace in the middle of the lake. Have western dinner tonight on account of our slightly dodgy guts, again all very nice.
Back to the room for a little sort out, go through the pictures and write this.
Curry count (still) 16
Up at 7am and up to the rooftop restaurant for breakfast. Good breakfast, Bircher muesli and breakfast bread (they even have brioche), Jo has scrambled eggs & ham. Meet Vikram while having a fag and we’re soon in contact with the guide (sorry no idea what his name was) and we’re on our way. First up it’s the 17th century Hindu temple of Jagdish, a fine example in my considerable experience of temples. Our guide gives us a fascinating education on the Hindu gods, their role and the vehicles they rode on, for example Shiva rides a bull and Ganesh rides a mouse. Next up is the City Palace. Worth noting this is all about a 15 min walk through the palace complex we’re staying in but we drive round the city. Palace is good and interesting, good details from our guide. The Maharaja of Udaipur was so important (or considered himself so) that he proclaimed himself a Maharana! Pichola, the main lake in Udaipur and the others in the surrounding area are all man made, from days of yore. From the palace we make our way to the gardens of Saheliyon-Ki-Bari. A lovely peaceful place with fountains and other water works. The guide offers to take us round the markets or for the lake trip, we thank him but happy to do on our own.
Back in the hotel we have a little potter then go for a coffee in the Ganesh coffee shop, excellent coffee, best I’ve had in weeks. Have a little cake too. Then it’s off to the Jagmandir Island, a little island in the middle of lake Pichola. Chat to the gay couple we’re been bumping into since Jodhpur, they seem very nice (no reason why they wouldn’t be), they’re from Chicago (no reason why they wouldn’t be, they’re not all from San Francisco I suppose). The boat does a little tour of the lake before arriving at Jagmandir. Get some spectacular photos on the boat and on the island. The island is delightful, peaceful and cool in the late afternoon with the sun setting and soft breeze coming from the lake. We chivvy up our new friends as they’re sipping white wine blissfully unaware the last boat is at 6 o/c. Chat about travel while we wait and sail back to the mainland. Wander along the promenade back to the hotel.
Back in the room we have a delicious relax, watch a bit of TV, get sucked into a silly film with Mike Myers and Gwyneth Paltrow (Gwyn actually looks quite hot). Drag ourselves away to dinner. Still no addition to the curry count as I feel I may have peaked too soon and am feeling a bit over-curried. Jo has chicken & stuffing and a beer, I have fish & chips and a lassi. Drag ourselves back downstairs, I watch a film called Flawless with Demi Moore & Michael Cane, its pretty good, about a diamond robbery, not a lot of people know that. Jo has long entered the land of nod, I join her.
Curry count 16 (1.23 curries per day)
Photo count 532 (41 photos per day)
Our thoughts exactly Sandy, this has been a fascinating experience, although not benefited from our personal travel agent like China! Hoping to get the curry count up to 1.5 / day by the end!
Apparently Dil, seems a bit odd that a god with an elephant face would ride a mouse but I checked on the net so it must be true?!? Not really fair when Shiva & Vishnu get cool animals!
As we have no travel or activities planned (first time since day 2), get up at a leisurely 7:30. Breakfast of cornflakes, waffles & croissants on the sun terrace upstairs. We get ourselves together, book our meal on Jagmandir island and set off for our adventure alone, in India, with no tour guide or driver! Walk through the City Palace out the other side and into the centre of town. Once through the gates we’re accosted by merchants offering us city tours, took-took rides, textiles and some weed! First stop is an ATM as we need to pay cash for our fancy meal tonight, which is more difficult than you’d think. We wander round for a while, not many hawkers, plenty of pleasant “good morning”s from the locals, really putting us to shame as our Hindi extends only to Shukriyaa (thank you) which we generally only mumble as we’re not sure how it’s pronounced. We get directions to a cash machine from a pleasant chap trying to sell shirts. A fascinating walk through town, feel liberated with no guide / guard, again the sights, sounds and smells are all quite exciting. Jo is so enthralled she fails to see a cow pat the size of a small car. Find the ATM, put the card it, then an agonising 2 minutes go bye as the machine continues to display “ please insert card” and occasionally whirls. Eventually the machine spits the card out and we’re left to think again. Walk down some more, as much for the experience as to find an ATM. Decide to head for the cable car and find one on the way back. Have some trouble explaining cable car to the took-took drivers. Eventually one says something about a rope and a sign like going up and that’s good enough for us, we settle on the 50rp fare and we’re off.
Much more of an eye level view of everything as we weave through town and soon we’re at the Ropeview cable car. Get our tickets and a 5 minute wait at the station. Ride up is good, everything feels safe, get some great views of the lake, city and mountains. Up at the top some more great panoramic views and photos then off to find the temple. Seems the temple is a modern affair, not much to look at so we continue to the old fort / wall thing. Path comes to an end abruptly, there doesn’t seem to be a way into the fort but there is a flag of Pakistan flying. I expect to find an Al-Qaeda training camp round the corner but it turns out to be a strange young man setting up some shrine or something. He uses the three works of English he knows (yes that’s 2 more than the Hindi words I know) so I just try to agree at the right times. I think he’s after a donation so I give him 10rp (which he’s very happy with) and say our goodbyes. Spurred on by his 10rp, our friend offers to show us a shortcut to the fort, sounds good, only it involves climbing up and jumping over walls. He leaps effortless, I follow before I realise all that’s involved and having surveyed what’s in the fort, it’s really not worth it. He’s very sad but we again say our goodbyes, this time I think for good. Have a Pepsi back at the cable car station, seems to be some activity so we make our way to the car, one of the guys says 20 minutes, Jo firmly mentions it’s been 20 minutes, the other guy gets the hint and pretty soon the cable is on the move. Negotiate a discount 40rp ride back to the Palace. I’m offered more drugs as we approach the palace, find out there’s a fine ATM about 50m form the gates. Stop at the excellent Ganesh coffee shop on our way back to the room. Jo still has cow pat on her sandle, she says it's the real india, I say you can leave it outside with the rest of India.
Catch up on news, blog, pictures and charging our vast arrange of electrical gadgets. Watch Spiderman while we avoid the hottest part of the day and rest before our fancy meal on the island. Unfortunately I get a slight stomach cramp which turns into tummy hell and we’re confined to the room for the rest of the evening. Resigned to room service and Indian TV for the evening. Start to feel better by the end of the night.
Curry count a stationary 16
Up around 7:30, funny time this morning, not leaving till midday but that won’t leave much time to do anything on our last morning in Udaipur. Still feeling a bit dicky but still manage some breakfast, not sure if the cause was malaria tablet on empty stomach anyhoo. Up to the terrace for breakfast, order same as yesterday, I complain there is no brioche (what is the world coming to when you can’t get brioche in the middle of India). The staff apologise profusely and say they have sent someone to the bakers immediately (probably flogged him too). I am forced to eat all the brioche when it arrives, it would be rude otherwise. Bump into some fellow travellers (not gypsies) Jo chatted to at the fort in Jodhpur.
Back in our room, Jo packs cause I’m far too ill apparently. Have a laze around watching discovery channel. Soon time for check out, hotel tries to charge the old chap also checking out for our can of fanta. Gets rep escorts us to our car and we’re off for the airport. 30 mins later we’re there at the nice new Maharana Pratap airport, Gets rep annoys Jo as he fusses over the paperwork. Not much at Udaipur airport (not surprisingly), nice lady at Kingfisher checks us in. Get some chocolate and a coffee before getting on the, slightly delayed plane. Over officious security confiscate my lighter and matches! Smart new plane on Kingfisher, TVs in the headrest, unusual for short haul and free lunch to boot, saucy cabin crew too.
Arrive at Mumbai and we’re running short of time, 50 mins to pick up our bags, check in and get on the plane. A rep from Kingfisher trots us along to the terminal for our departure, across the road, car park and runway (ok I made up runway). Have to be terribly un-British and push our way to the front of the security check. All goes fine and we’re not the last on the plane, but then it’s delayed by another 40 mins on the ground. Uneventful flight lands in Goa just before 7. Get our bags and met by 2 guys from our hotel, The Leela. I make one of them go find me a light cause I really need a fag. Jump in their nice new SUV and we’re on our way. Its dark by now of course so don’t get to see that much of the journey but can tell Goa is considerably different from the other places we’ve been. Traffic not as mad, no constant horn blasting, shops look more western and the houses very colonial. However, the most striking difference is there is a Catholic church in every town, a shrine every 200m and all the busses are called something like the Hail Mary Mother of God bus.
Arrive at our hotel and it’s a lovely complex, get checked in and shown around the main area then into our golf buggy for the rest of the tour and to our room. Our room is fantastic and spacious, I suspect it’s a suite as there’s a separate lounge and 2 full bathrooms, only booked a premier room but who’s complaining! We overlook the lagoon and there is an amazing array of sounds, mainly frogs I think. We finally unpack for the first time since we’re been away. Order room service and watch Indiana Jones on TV.
Curry count 16 (back on track tomorrow)
Ok it’s all going to get rather sedentary after the excitement of the last couple of weeks! Awoke from our slumber and sumptuous bed, called for our laundry to be collected and headed off for breakfast. The resort is laid out in acres of lush tropical gardens with no blocks of rooms, everything is at ground level unless you have a first floor suite like us. I’m wearing my Credit Suisse hat (as shown in today’s pictures), I think maybe Jo is getting to like it, no she says you still look like a git, she’s just being more tolerant. Breakfast is delightful, comfortable and well stocked, apart from there’s no pineapple, I offer to ask one of the staff to carve up one of the many on display. We then embark on a conversation about how rude and demanding foreigners are to hotel staff, I suggest it’s to do with their socio-economic group. Jo reminds me I sent the staff down to get Brioche in Udaipur, I say that’s different cause I was apologetic about it. Jo has a masala dosa adding to the curry count at last.
From breakfast we head off for a walk along the beach, lovely firm white sand and relatively calm sea, however there are red flag so no swimming. Back into the resort for a fact finding mission, where are the shops, how does the bike / tennis / golf / archery work, can they find a dive school for us. Head back to the room for some internet research on dive schools, can’t get through to any of them. Head off to the pool, bit of swimming, bit of floating, I swim through to a little out of the way under the waterfall section, and find two men hugging (which, actually, is not that fine). Have a laze on the loungers then take part in a bit of archery. I get a few bulls eyes, but then I’m experienced after having a go only a few weeks ago at the Hainault fair. After a bit of a warm up Jo is powerfully hitting the target, in dramatic contrast to all the other girls who can’t pull the bow back, the arrows drop on the floor and whine their arms / fingers / face hurt after two goes.
Coffee and a 7Up break after all that excitement, more fact finding, following up on Scuba then back to the room for a change into the PE kits for a run. Walk through the resort and down to the beach, head off towards the next resort. Run is tough but good, the sand along the shore line is firm but still more work than hard, flat paths of the park. It’s much more humid here too, which make it harder to breathe. Pass two cricket games on our way, think about asking to join in but must finish the run. Run back is tougher, our marker is the people outside our resort and they don’t seem to be getting any closer. Back at our room, we’re burning up and sweating like pigs, well I’m sweating like a pig, Jo is glowing like one! Cool down, shower then dress for dinner with the laundry which has returned in a little papoose and my pants in muslin bags to protect my dignity.
Off to the Jamavar restaurant in the hotel for dinner.
Curry count 18 (predicted)
Namaste Dil, thank you for that. We’re quite practiced at the hands together greeting, read in the book it was ok, and doesn’t take any pronunciation!
Dinner last night was good in the “fine dinning” experience. I must say that the Indian food at home compares very favourably with our experiences in India. Some subtleties missing back home but our menus are generally the best of the whole subcontinent and as such have a wider range of dishes. I’m also finding most of the dishes we’ve had are rich and creamy, maybe to do with the specialities of the regions we’ve visited or that we’ve just been to fancy places.
Up at 7 ready for our morning exercise regime. Down to the beach, drop our stuff off in the spa and, run the opposite direction from last night. Interesting running first thing, well first thing to us, one of the sights are the fishing boats returning with their catch. Speaking of the catch about half way along there’s an overwhelming smell of fish, not the best when you’re breathing hard. Beach ends about 11 mins into our run so we turn around and run back to the resort. Get some great action shots of Jo running along the beach like a scene from Baywatch (check out the photos) Go in the spa for change into the swimmies, the lovely lady at the Spa welcomes us back with chilled face cloths and fixes us some iced tea, it’s delicious, Kayla would love it. Do 8 lengths (but pool is only 50m) and have a lovely cool off. Back in the spa for a shower, shave and into our civvies. After all this its 9:20 when we get to breakfast, which is lovely and lovely in the air conditioned comfort. I have a message on my mobile from Barracuda dive school and Jo has one at reception from Goa dive. Speak to Barracuda, charming and honest chap tells me visibility is down to 2m, it’s a 2hr drive from our resort and they leave at 8am. Need to ring Goa dive back after 3 o/c.
We set off for our trip into Cavelossim, the nearest town. Taxi drops us off at a nice little shopping mall. We browse the fashion and sportswear, good stuff and cheap but nothing that says India. Browse the nick-knacks, get some Christmas decorations, fridge magnet, beads and some decorative key hooks, all nicely bubble wrapped and all for about £18. Next stop supermarket where we pick up some chocolate, toothpaste, deodorant and 5 packs of the elusive Marlboro lights as I’m down to my last half pack. This little stash sets us back £9. Have a wander down the high st, which is positively modern compared to our experiences so far. They even have a Baskin Robbins, which is the most common western food branch we’ve seen, compared to 2 Macc’y Ds and 1 Pizza Gut. Have an indulgent ice cream break then jump in a taxi home.
Back in the room a sort out and a break. Jo is glued to the Man in the Iron Mask so have to wait for that to finish. Down to the pool for a little swim and another relax. Try several times in vain to get hold of Goa Dive. Off next for a civilised game of tennis. A nice German couple offer to play doubles, we’re not keen to show how crap we are so just wait for them to finish. Start off we either hit the net on the bounce or the back fence on the full. After a while we warm up and we’re having rallies of 20 shots sometimes. Continuing Jo’s athletic prowess she hits a shot that clears the back fence and into the garden centre. By the end it’s dark, humidity has picked up and we’re wringing wet so time to hit the showers. Finally get hold of Goa Dive, there’s no diving from Goa until next week, the late monsoon has put the dive calendar back so it looks like that long weekend in the Red Sea is going to become a priority.
Dressed and out to dinner at the Italian restaurant, The Riverside. Jo leads us on a lap of the resort before discovering its 100m from our room, in the opposite direction. Jo hasn’t noticed under her shawl that her boob has popped out, giving an eyeful to the waiter taking her shawl and placing her napkin. Fortunately she notices before desert is served. I have that long awaited pizza, Jo has pasta and we have a thoroughly enjoyable evening. There is live music from a man and a backing track machine, he doesn’t know all the words to all the songs but has a great range when he does. Unfortunately he doesn’t know the words to Can’t Take my Eyes off You, but he has a good shot and we buy him a drink.
Wander back to the room, into the jammies and some telly before bed.
Curry count 18
Had some Zafrani kheer for dinner thanks Dil, my favourite. You sure know a lot of Hindi for someone from East Pakistan, but as we say মাত্র একটি ভাষা যথেষ্ট নয়।
That would be lovely, think we’ll be tied up first week back but let’s make a date soon. I was thinking most of my favourite restaurants are Bengali actually.
Continue the now usual routine of up at 7 for run along the beach. Tide is further in so we have to run in the soft sand, which is pretty tough, but we’re iron people so we can take it. Got our swimmies on so quick rinse off and into the pool for 60 lengths (well 8 lengths), we really should incorporate a bike ride round the resort to feel like tri-athletes. Showered and changed in the Spa where our favourite girl dotes on us as usual. Breakfast is delightful, have French Toast today and they’ve put jam in it! An enormous woman is piling her plate with chocolate cake then smothering it with honey, then adds cold meats on the side! Have some chickpeas & lentils to add to the count. Feel a bit exhausted after all the activity so have a little rest on the sun loungers by the pool. Quick pit stop in the room to get our bits together for our beach trip.
Down to the beach and we each have a go on the parasailing, check out the movie and photos. Then its time for another little rest, a beer and chat to the barman, he’s from Calcutta, did a degree in Hyderabad in hotel management and now working in the beach bar but hopes to be running the resort one day. The seafood grill is not open for another week, sounds like we should have left another two weeks later, ho hum. Another rest, then a walk along the beach. Shore line is littered with dead fish, I grab a stick cause every bloke needs a stick to poke things with. And poke things I do, lots of blue fish, a squid, crab, a very large barracuda and a stripy sea snake, looks intact but all floppy like his insides have seeped out. I wrap him round my stick and fling onto the beach. Pick up coconuts on the way back, funny they seem to be vibrating, maybe there’s something inside but maybe it’s the stuff fermenting. Anyhoo try my hand at some crow bowling, nearly get a few of the annoying buggers. Have a little swim in the sea, nearer our resort and away from the litter of decaying fish corpses. Water is really clear actually and a decent temperature. Get wrapped up from the beach, rinse and into the pool for a proper swim and cool off. Beach is fun and interesting but you get very hot and very sticky. Quick coffee then its back to the room for a quick change and out again with the camera.
Down on the beach in time for the setting sun. We haven’t seen the greatest sunsets in India, light tends to be very flat with the sun fading into the mist before it hits the horizon. Get some nice shots none the less, over the ocean, beach scenes and silhouetted palm trees. Also grab some shots of the impressive statues in the lobby.
Back in the room for a sort out, shower and dress for dinner. With the seafood grill closed, only the buffet restaurant left to try. Selection of food is good, mainly Indian with some snapper on the side, double rice pudding for afters. However, the restaurant is overrun with noisy, whiney, irritating kids. I was planning to partake of the after dinner coffee selection, but we’re quite keen to get out of there.
Back in the room to transfer the variety of photos and movies before submerging ourselves into the soft bed and even softer Egyptian cotton sheets.
Curry count 20
Wake from our slumber and decide that we’re not going running today, legs ache a bit and bed is so very comfortable, anyhoo we’re on holiday! Waddle down to breakfast about 8:30, cereal, omelette (with lime pickle & lentil doughnuts), pancakes & pastries. Waddle back to the room to get all our bits together, we’re going to pack for the day and use the spa as a base. Guy pulls up in a golf cart as we leave the villa, offers us a lift, we decline as we look down on those who ride around the resort on golf buggies, order them from the room to take them to the pool / beech / dinner / toilet and back home again. It’s a big resort but that’s just lazy! Start with a swim and lay in the sun then it’s time for our golf orientation session. This consists of the “golf pro” giving us a putter each, some pointers and we wiz round the 12 hole practice green. It’s darn hot on the course in the midday sun, we cool down in the poolside bar. Order beer and a mango lassi, barman assumes I’m having the blokes drink and Jo the girly fruit punch, but not so. We’re such a metro-sexual couple or maybe I’m just homosexual (which is fine).
Forced to have another swim and rest in the sun. Toy with the idea of volleyball in the relative cool of late afternoon but settle on golf. It’s a 12 hole par 3 course in the resort. Get our clubs (don’t know what most of them do), spare balls (doesn’t look enough) and tees. I tee off on the 80m odd first hole and it’s a beautiful arching drive that lands very respectively on the green. I start to think its not too late to turn pro, I can see myself beating Tiger in the putt off for the Open! Jo is feeling confident after playing pitch and putt with her sister 10 years ago. Swing and a miss - happens to the best, another miss – funny, another miss – mildly embarrassed, another miss – someone laughing at the bar, starts swinging wildly at the bloody thing. Jo asks me to get her started, I put her on the edge of the green which she one puts for a birdie while I get a par. Its all down hill for both of us after that, I fall short on the next hole and the rough is bloody tough. Following hole the ball goes sailing over. Jo is starting to dig trenches at the tee off and finally gives up the drive when pitching from the edge of the green she puts it into the garden of the Presidential Suite (Bill Clinton once stayed there, but not now I don’t think). Jo is mortified that she’s not Michele Wei (jailbait American golf star). We struggle along the rest of the course until hole 12 when I put a glorious 120m drive on the green for Jo. I decide it’s Happy Gilmore style for me as I take a run up to the ball, it goes low, flat, very hard and a long way from the green. I reckon I got a 32, maybe a 34.
Golf wrapped up we head to the beach for some more sunset photos. Sunset is looking more impressive tonight and we’re determined to get some more great photos by that old fishing boat we run past. Trouble is the boat that didn’t look like it ever moved (just a store for the nets) is now another 1/2 km further up the beach. Times running out so we leg it up there and get some great shots and some of the cows on the beach. Jo, envious of my poking of things along the shore, finds an enormous snake washed up and finds a stick to poke it and pick it up with. After that excitement quick dash to the room to avoid the biting insects and a shower and dress for dinner. Seem to have a longer potter than normal and its 8o/c when we set out. Have a lovely meal of prawn curry, pumpkin in mango curry and cottage cheese stuffed potatoes. Night cap in the bar on the oversized sofas. Back in the room Jo finds a Jason Statham (Danny Frost look-a-like) film on the TV so that’s her set for the rest of the evening.
Curry count 22
Mozzy bite count 67 (Rob 51 + Jo 18)
Up at 7 and back to the morning workout. Check our bags in at the spa and off to the beach for our run. I’m waiting (in vain) for my watch to pick up the GPS (so we’ll know how far we’ve been running) and we’re pounced on by an early morning hawker. I think Jo is getting tired of them cause she snaps “what part of no thank you do you not understand”, he sulks off. Can’t wait any longer as I fear Jo might beat the next hawker to death. The tide is a long way in today and we have to run far up the beach which is very tough. We come across a narrow channel where the sea has come right in, too deep to run through, especially with the prospect of running with wet shoes and socks for the next 20 mins. We use the crap gathered in the channel to step across and we’re back on our way. Run to the next resort, couple of minutes slower today cause of the soft sand. I take a different tact to navigate the channel on the way back which includes a long jump onto the higher sand on the shore, but I dally and get caught by the inrushing wave and my shoes are soaked, Jo fairs a little better. Run to the pool, strip off, shoes in sun and in the pool for a few lengths and cool off. Quick shower and change in the spa and off to breakfast. Usual delicious delights at the buffet, including omelette with chickpea and lentil pancake.
After breakfast back to the room to sort out our bits, check out our flight times and arrangements. Spend a delicious afternoon swimming, handstands & duck-dives in the pool and laying in the warm breeze on the loungers around the pool. Big influx of Russian princesses today, no men, just princesses, guess they’re in the gulag or running guns or drugs or something. Jo tells me that in Turkey all the Russian girls wear thongs, even the young teenagers that puts paid to me showing any interest in the younger princesses arriving today.
Back to the room about 5:30 to confirm our flight details. The wonderful Lavina from concierge discovers our Go flight to Delhi tomorrow has been cancelled! I call Gets travel agent who know nothing of this, then there is a rather fraught 30 mins while I wait for them to call me back and search the net for alternatives. Gets finally call me back and offer me a Spice flight, I tell him I’ve found a Kingfisher at a better time. You may recall that Kingfisher were the nice scheduled airline we flew from Udaipur to Mumbai, Go, Jet & Spice I know now are all budget airlines but at the time of booking I didn’t know any different. Gets whine that they can’t get me on the Kingfisher, I tell them I’ve confirmed they have availability, Gets whine that Kingfisher is more expensive, I tell them they originally quoted me on Kingfisher and didn’t give me a discount when they put me on budget. Gets finally relent and book us on Kingfisher. The lovely Lavina rings the airline and checks us in, big tip for Lavina, especially as she tried so hard to find us some diving.
With the tension over, we’re free to get ready and out to dinner at The Riverside. Have another excellent meal, Jo has traditional prawns & fettuccini followed by crème brule and I have the ever popular Indian dish of sea bass & linguini followed by tiramisu. Delightful walk back gazing at the stars. Sort out our photos, only took three today so that doesn’t take long, which is just as well as I hear the irresistible call of the sumptuous bed and can not resist.
Curry count 23
Up at 7:30 this morning, have a wander round the villa and wait for the BA online check-in to open for our flight home. Disappointed that can’t get two window seats together, only four rows in posh cattle this flight, but get the first rows in the section so not so bad. Wander down to breakfast, both feeling subdued today, realisation dawning that holiday is coming to an end. Pick up our boarding passes from concierge and back to the room. Round up all the bits from the room, get ourselves packed, write note & leave tip for Lavina. Hotel, efficient as always rings to ask when we want our buggy, I say oh in about 8 minutes. We make an exception and travel by buggy with the cases to reception. Complete formalities and on off on the mini bus to the airport. Daylight brings the same impressions as our journey from the airport, churches, shrines and an overall more gentle impression of India. Get ourselves checked in & security checked and settle in the simple yet clean & tidy departure lounge. Have a browse of the snack bar and come up with a Bounty bar which pleases Jo no end. Pleasant and uneventful flight to Delhi on Kingfisher, our favourite domestic Indian airline.
Arrive at Delhi pretty much on time, grab bags and meet the ever so slightly strange Abhay from Gets. As we’re walking across the road, track & parking lot Abhay hands me his phone, another inane conversation with Gets head office. Gets reckon we need to be at the airport 3 hrs before flight time, BA said something similar on the website but they want to pick us up at 4am for an 8:15 flight, will see how long it takes to the hotel. Traffic is horrendous and it takes us an hour, tell Abhay we’ll see him at 4:30. Check into Le Meridian, very stylish, modern, functional and a bit boring.
Now I’ve been on a not very proactive mission to find a Delhi Daredevils cricket shirt and now’s my last chance. We ask at the front desk if there’s a shopping mall where we can get one, he tells us Conaught Place is ½ km away, we get directions and are off on our own. Conaught Place is well documented in the guide book and I imagine it’s a sleek & modern mall with a store guide at the bottom of the escalator which will say sporting goods level 3. We negotiate the lack of footpaths, couple of busy roads and a persistent tuk-tuk driver and we’re on the home straight. Jo delivers her favourite “what part of no thank you do you not understand” to the persistent tuk-tuk man but a passing chap points out that he’s actually right, its quite a long way to Conaught Place and not particularly safe. So we back track to the hotel and arrange for a taxi to take us directly to the Addidas store. This was a good idea cause there is no glitzy mall, just rows and rows of textile, souvenir & other stalls, with the occasional fancy store. Taxi driver takes a couple of turns into a backstreet with…the Addidas store. We ask driver to wait, go in, and ask for the shirt, guy says oh no we only stock them during the IPL season. Ok well that puts paid to that idea, pick up a fancy T shirt so it’s not a completely wasted journey and back to the hotel.
Have dinner in the stylish, functional restaurant, we both have cheeseburger and its simple and great. Upstairs for shower and watch NSW Blues vs Trinidad & Tobago in the T20 Champions League before lights out at 11 o/c.
Curry count 23
Shame that we will miss Diwali today, some fireworks set of last night but couldn’t see much. As with much this trip, not sure how much we could have seen in safety and enjoyed, still maybe next time. Drag ourselves up 4am, dressed and downstairs to meet the already fretting Abhay. Roads are dead quiet, Jo suggests an idea for a film, Day of the Dead in Delhi with zombie cows. Pretty much the only sign of life is a guy riding a bike pulling a huge cart of furniture, puts into perspective our complaining about getting up early to be driven to the airport. Arrive at 5 o/c, greeted at the airport by a pointless chap with a BA sash, meander through the confusion and up to the deserted check in desk, that takes about 5 minutes. So three hours to kill in the airport. Have our packed breakfast and horrible 30rp coffee from the kiosk. Try to go outside for a fag but am told “it is not allowed” by the army guy, he has a gun so don’t argue (too hard). Through security checks, all smooth an unfussy. Have a peruse of the duty free, not tempted by the $10Taj plates, $9 Toblerone or $20 Kahlua but pick up 4 cartons of $16 Marlboro Lights. They have a Ritazza coffee which I enjoy in the fagging hut while chatting to charming fellow from Nepal, will look him up when we take our trip. While away the remaining time, then jump on our flight and get settled.
A very comfortable and pleasant flight in World Traveller + (aka posh cattle), we’ve got first row and no one behind us so full recline, ahhh. Watch The Taking of Pelham 123 (excellent, although don’t think ending was as good as the original), Land of the Lost (drivel but Anna Friel hot) and The Dark Knight (superb). Food very disappointing, almost as bad as American Airlines business class.
Arrive in good time, smoothly off the plane, through passport and our cases are waiting for us. I think that’s four or five times from T5, BA/A really seem to have got it right now. Quick stop in M&S, copy of The Times and the largest coffee they do in Costa. On the road for a quick and trouble free run home on the M25.
It’s been an amazing journey round India, or as much of India we could conceivably manage in three weeks. We were so surprised by the lack of development, the number of animals on the road, cows everywhere in particular and the level of poverty, conversely how widely English is spoken. The sights and sounds everywhere were incredible but so much of it felt impenetrable. Sure we wanted to see everything and experience the real India but with certain levels of comfort. To immerse ourselves in the real India and experience more would have taken a certain compromise and most importantly more time. We saw five cities across a large area in less than two weeks, we could only have achieved that by going directly to the destination and having an organised tour. Otherwise it would have taken us three or four times longer if we had travelled under our own steam, gone into town and worked it out for ourselves.
The people were wonderful and interesting too. Around Delhi and the main tourist areas I guess the locals associate tourists with opportunities to sell and beg. Once into the small areas like Jodhpur and Udaipur there was just a sense of friendliness, they saw you were different and just wanted to say hello (in English) and find out about your country, I was often asked to show (not give) English money.
As with China, you realise these wonderful places develop into tourist attractions and all the traps that go with it. The rows of stalls leading up to the Great Wall, the theme park feel of the Terracotta Warriors. Similarly the number of people at the Taj Mahal (at 6am), the line of elephants at the fort in Jaipur, the lines of jeeps in Ranthambhore.
There are certain things I would have done differently with hindsight, with the experience of travelling. Maybe a little less road, although that was one of the real experiences and I suppose touch and go with an hour each side transfer to the airport, an hour waiting and an hour in the air. I think the hotels were just about right, the opportunity to meet travellers at The Pugmark, the wonderful Shahpura House in Jaipur and Fateh Prakash at the palace in Udaipur. That mixed with the beautiful & stylish top rank hotels, The Oberoi in Delhi, the Taj in Jodhpur and the Leela Kempinski in Goa. I think the balance and order of the itinerary was about right, maybe a day less in Udaipur, maybe a bit longer in Delhi at the end but definitely right to relax at the end, was just about done with sightseeing & travelling by then.
Final curry count 23 (until this Friday when normal service will resume)
Final photo count 596
Final mozzy bite count 88
After three days of frantic visiting, working and packing its 11:30pm on Monday and we’re feeling completely exhausted and ratty. I break down and tell Jo I’ve upgraded us to business class (for 1/8th the normal price) and that keeps us both going for a while. Tues morning is full of last minute jobs and another rearrange of the cases. Other than a mess at the A406 interchange the trip to Heathrow is pretty smooth. Car parked and checked in at terminal 5 we proceed through the fast track, not that it makes much difference as it’s pretty quiet. Do our shopping, news essentials, bottle of Kahlua for the hip flask and no fags (I’m planning to give up...maybe). Retire to the BA lounge for some lunch. After filling our bags with free snacks I ask the lovely girl on reception when we should leave for the gate, she says about now but don’t worry there’s a lounge at the gate (well that’s a relief as wouldn’t want to sit with the ordinary people).
Flight is delayed so enjoy more lounge facilities. Now having got used to never turning right we’re now asked to go up the stairs (one of the reasons I told Jo in advance was I could imagine her arguing with the cabin crew that we can not possibly be going up the stairs). Force Jo to take the window seat I had pre-booked her and settle in the opulent luxury of club world. Three course lobster dinner with Kir Royale and champagne, very nice. Settle down to watch District 9, action film where the Saffas oppress aliens in shanty towns. Quite a good film despite the painfully obvious parallels with aparthied. Feeling quite tired so we recline for some shut eye. Looks like Jo has lapsed into a coma, I, despite 2 G&Ts, four glasses of champagne and a flat bed, can not get to sleep, I am destined to never sleep on a plane. Bit of reading, music and PSP and we arrive in Vancouver. Very smooth transition from plane to meeting our driver. He’s lovely and we chat for half the way and I sleep for the other half, unlike planes I have no trouble sleeping in the car (ask Jo every morning on the way to work). Check in, unpack, shower, jammies and room service in front of Robot Chicken (a bizarre but incredibly funny sketch show with action figures, probably have to see it). Settle down for beddy byes.
Smoke count 2 (in Canada)
We struggle to sleep through the night, waking up every hour, eventually give in and get up at 7 o/c. Have nutritional breakfast in the hotel then head out for supplies. Everything is looking comfortably familiar, remembering all the shops and restaurants, then our first major disappointment of the trip (& only 10 hrs in). Second Cup, our favourite coffee shop ever, has gone! No more skinny vanilla bean lattes & white hot chocolate, no more live music when we come off the slopes. We wander round the supermarket still in shock! Get our skis (I have to take Jo’s poles back cause they don’t match her outfit), lift passes and ski school booked. Track down shouty Frank from our first lessons in case we want to have more. Get a coffee from the far inferior Lift Coffee and back to our room. Find my holiday blog from 2007 which we read while we wait for our afternoon ski pass.
Up in the gondola, have a bit of email banter with Flory & Howler. Start off with some easy runs down Upper & Lower Whiskey Jack, back up the Emerald Chair then some more challenging blues down Ridge Run and GS. Jo’s got boot trouble and she’s in agony, we have a pit stop at the Round House where she sorts things out. Test out the new settings along Pony Trail and she’s feeling much better. Back up the Big Red Express and I take advantage of Jo’s improvement by pushing us down a series of Blues, Headwall, Little Red Run & Franz. The chairs are closed by now so we push on down Expressway (green), Crab Apple, Northern Lights and Lower Fantastic (all blues). Different conditions all over the mountain this afternoon, near blizzard conditions up top, perfect clear runs in the middle and slush puppy near the village. A good afternoon to start, once Jo sorted out her boot problems!
Back in the room for a rest and change for the spa. Sauna (chat to Aussie guy), outdoor hot tub (annoying American girls) then dry off again in the sauna. Back to the room for a shower, could have passed out on the sofa but in an amazing display of determination make it out to dinner. Very quiet in the village, make our way to The Keg where there is no wait for the first time since we went there three years ago. Steak and a beer is great, just what the Dr ordered (well maybe not but its great all the same). Stop at the supermarket where we buy 250,000 coffee filters as that’s the smallest size they do. Back in the room, into the jammies and watch some TV in front of the fire.
Smoke count 5
Fall count Rob 1 - Jo 1
Stats from when GPS started working, about 1/2 the aftenoon runs
Distance 11.04km
Ave Speed 15.8km/h
Decent 1,197m
Another difficult night, manage to stay in bed till 7 o/c. Delightful breakfast in the room of cinnamon toast crunch and fruit toast, washed down with a refreshing glass of orange, raspberry & cranberry juice. Get packed and dressed then off to the ski lifts. Decide to do Blackcomb this morning, take the Excalibur gondola where we chat to a couple from Bristol, then the Excelerator express & Jersey Cream chairs. Have a great run down Jersey Cream (blue) which is so good we do it again. Take the Expressway to 7th Heaven, have some fine blue runs down Hugh’s Heaven & Panorama. Weather is great on Blackcomb today and we’re feeling really good, skiing fast from top to bottom. Quick couple of runs to get to the Rendezvous Lodge for the Peak to Peak. A very serendipitous trip as we jump on the glass bottomed gondola, our first time! Great views from down below. Jump into the Roundhouse where we have coffee and nibbles, want to keep ourselves lean and hungry for our lesson and the undoubtably huge meal we’ll have tonight.
Have to wait a while for Jenny from Sweden to arrive for our lesson but we have her to ourselves which is always good. Find her a bit annoying at first, going over basic techniques (after all I’ve been skiing twice so I know it all) but I guess we need the practice. She grows on us as we try new techniques and more challenging terrain. We do Orange Peel & Tokem (blues), Dave Murray & Bear Paw (blacks) amongst others, practice skiing all the way down on one ski (tough) and pole plants (fun). Jo has one spectacular fall, I only manage a couple of slips, including a very slow one in the slush. By the end we’ve warmed to Jenny and feel like we’ve learned a lot!
Trudge back to the room and struggle out of our gear before having a well deserved coffee in front of Family Guy. Drag ourselves down to the spa where we have the hot tub and sauna to ourselves. Jo’s feeling a little more loose, I’m rather stiff. Pushing ourselves to the limit of human endurance we get dressed for dinner. We head out for Milestones but in the second disappointment of the holiday we find that it’s become some third rate south London pub impersonation called Elephant & Castle. Menu doesn’t look good so head for the ever reliable Earls. After a short wait get settled in our booth, order two pints of honey lager and two dirty burgers. Chat about our day, what we’ve learned and where we’re going to ski tomorrow. Then our dinner arrives and we don’t say a word as we devour one pound of recently deceased cow between us. When finished we slump in the booth, the lovely Brooke enquires if we’re full, we grunt in reply then settle up and stagger back to our room. Get in at the ungodly hour of 8:45, get changed into our jammies and watch Futurama in bed.
Smoke count 5
Fall count Rob 0 Jo 1
Stats - GPS for most of the day but stopped about ½ way through the lesson
Distance 51.47km
Ave Speed 10.5km/h
Decent 4,787m
Another difficult night, manage to drag it out till 7. Breakfast in the room while watching an interesting documentary on BBC World. A guard from Guantanamo Bay contacted two of his former inmates, British Muslims allegedly sold to the Americans by the Afghan police. It was very surprising to hear a guard come out so against the concept and treatment of prisoners there and very impressive that the former inmates were happy to meet him & held no resentment towards him.
Anyhoo, on the Whistler gondola and straight up to the peak. It’s a glorious day, sun is shining, blue sky and unusual for the peak hardly any wind. Have a quick run down the very steep Saddle then straight back up for some pictures from the peak. Run down the equally steep Upper Peak to Creak and onto Highway 86. A quick run down Whiskey Jack for lunch at the Chic Pea. We have our favourite Moroccan beef stew. Few more runs and back up to Little Whistler for a tricky run down Harmony Ridge. Later on attack Franz Meadows (mogul Black) and Wild Card (steep Black that’s part of the Olympic women’s downhill). On the Big Red chair Jo is frantically attacking the back pack to get at the hip flask, English guy on the chair helps and finally the two of them get in. Offer the chap a sip from the flask to say thanks, which he gratefully accepts, then is horrified by the Man Utd crest on the front as he’s a Liverpool fan. I tell his there’s no going back once he’s sipped from the flask of glory.
Few more runs then it’s time to plan our route down. I smoke Jo down the top section of Dave Murray (Olympic Super G) then turn onto the next section, it’s horrible and gravelly but Jo flies down well ahead of me. I have an embarrassing fall on a road section while I’m practicing skiing on one ski. I stop on the last section of Crabapple wait for Jo who is paying for her earlier enthusiasm with burning thighs. We make it to the bottom tired but unscathed. Back in the room and straight down for some sauna and hot tub action!
After two nights of pub grub (albeit superior pub grub) we head for Sushi Village (1hr wait) then some Italian (2hr wait) so settle on The Brew House for, you guessed it, pub grub & beer. Jo finds some pasta on the menu to go with her Liftie Lager, I have fish & chips, both very nice. Write our postcards and chat about the day. Seems a long walk back to the hotel.
Back home settle down to a Kahlua and Aliens on TV.
Smoke count 6
Fall count Rob 1 Jo 0, although Jo did hit a tree
No stats today as didn’t charge my watch long enough last night
Better night, easily make it to 7 o/c. Get up and usual breakfast in the room, boring debate on BBC World, have to put up with inane American news. Busy at the lift station, glad we’ve plumped for Blackcomb. Up to the Rendezvous and across 7th Ave and up to the Horstman Hut. Come down a tricky Cloud 9 to 7th Heaven Express where the queues are horrific, probably like they are in Europe every week. While having a rummage in my jacket I don't realise I start to slide forward and end up skiing between the legs of the girl in front. We end up in quite a tangle, she's quite pretty but honest it was a complete accident! Head for the other side off Blackcomb peak to avoid the queues, nasty narrow start to the Blue Line then I opt for a black (The Bite) while Jo takes the rest of the run. Back up Glacier Express and more runs before stopping at the Crystal Hut to share an oversized waffle with literally everything on it, fruit, syrup, chocolate chunks, pork pie you name it! Satisfied we have another run up and down before attacking the near vertical Heavenly Basin (black) and I drag Jo back down The Bite. Over to the Rendezvous and gaining in confidence we tackle Catskinner (black), Cruiser and Cruiser Bumps (mogul Black) tough, Jo has a very nasty fall, ending up on her back like a beetle with her skis trapped beneath the enormous waffle! Back up for the same runs again, Jo sensibly chooses the bumps bypass, I take them on again faring slightly better than last time. Get a few more runs in before its time to plan our route down.
Take on Catskinner again and win, then missed the Blue runs into the village. I spot a shortcut to get us back on track, a cheeky Black called Freefall, what could go wrong with a name like that. Jo chooses the bypass again. After the first 10m I realise that I’m not quite ready for 200m of near vertical moguls. I know what I’m supposed to do but I can’t make my body do it quickly enough! Slipping, sliding and falling over I redeem myself slightly by completing the last 50m pretty comfortably. Final run into the village is really ugly with heaps of wet slush, just what you want after driving yourself all day!
Park our skis at the valet where I send Jo up to the room while I get us a couple of well earned mochas from BigBucks. Decide it’s going to be too busy in the spa so watch Manhunter in front of the fire. Off for curry tonight!
Smoke count 5
Fall count Rob 3 Jo 1
Black count Rob 8 Jo 5
Stats – forgot to turn GPS back on for a while after lunch
About 10km less than Thurs with nearly the same decent indicating how much more vertical we did today!
Distance 40.92km
Ave Speed 9.6km/h
Decent 4,727m
More relaxed breakfast in the room today as we’re not skiing. Get sucked into some comedy about Amish, must have been made in the 80s judging from Tim Allen’s suits and Kirsty Ally’s not a moose. Dressed and round to the zip trek pick up, after a short wait we’re on our way and on our own. Meet Dan from Wales and Vicky from New Zealand who take us through our paces and off to the first run. Different gear from the last time we zipped in Canada, you kinda sit down in the harness and zip side by side. It’s a pretty comfortable first two zips, not too fast to start us off. Then we’re confronted by Godzilla, a behemoth of a zip, very long and very steep at the beginning. Jo finds it a bit too fast so she makes herself big to slow down a tad, then folds into a ball to catch me up. Both hit the brake with an almighty whack! Last run is pretty fast too. A really fun morning, guides were great and we were very lucky to have it to ourselves. Check out the video on the My Movies tab.
Back in the village we celebrate with a coffee & hot chocolate. Then we hit the shops, you’d think that it would be hard to find more stuff after being here twice before, not so. Get some great stuff for the kids in the ever reliable Roots, not such a great offering from the North Face or Salomon shops. Jo is torn between a Kjus & Spyder mid layer, will have to work on her. Back in the hotel for a hot tub & spa before it gets too busy. Have a look at the photos and the video of us zipping.
Dressed and out to dinner in good time to get to the Sushi Village. Its Fire & Ice night (been there, done that) so a little quieter in the restaurants. We get seated at the sushi bar, have some rolls and favourites from home like tempura, gyoza & yakatori. Get back to our room at 7:30 and settle down to watch a bit of Mythbusters and then Law Abiding Citizen in bed, excellent film, I wanted Gerard Butler to get away with it.
Smoke count 5
Fall count zero!
Stats
Distance zipped & trekked 4.44km
Top zip speed 125km/h
Thanks Aga, not been taking our usual thousands of photos but will try and do better. Will include some extra ones of our zip trekking! Yes mum & dad we are having fun and we are careful, well mostly!
Usual start to the morning, although toasted waffles instead of toast as a special treat. It’s been snowing steadily from about 5 o/c last night, village is looking pretty but it’s taken its toll on the availability of runs. We get to mid-station and see the full extent of the closures, peak is closed, Symphony bowl is closed, and virtually every black run is closed! Snow is heavy further up the mountain and the wind is blowing a gale. We have a comfortable run down Ego Bowl and Jolly Green Giant to test out the powder. Some good bits in the soft stuff but generally pretty heavy going, wind is biting too so we pull up our hoods and muzzles! Couple more runs down looking for Ptarmigan (part of the Olympic runs) but don’t find it. Over the other side of mid-station and have a crack at Franz’s Meadows, we hit that three times today as it’s the only black on Whistler that’s running, get a little better at it each time! Run down to the Chic Pea for our favourite Moroccan beef stew, but calamity, it’s closed! Back up to the Roundhouse for lunch where we have chilli and chocolate. Off for the afternoon runs, combinations of greens and blues (with the occasional Franz as I said). It’s pretty tough going with the fresh pow (as they say) and the driving wind & snow. Mountain empties pretty early as the fair weather skiers slope off to the hot tub. We prepare for our final run down at three, Jo feeling pretty knackered so we agree to meet at the bottom. Jo follows the greens all the way down in her own time, I pretty much take the same route as nothing else is open. I get a shock at the The Big Red chair, says no ski out, download only! Buggered if I’m going to do that, the chair is still running, I guess to allow for that so I go back up to mid-station (Jo came to the same place and just asked, they meant no ski out to Creekside!). I head way over down Marmot, Lower Ratfink to avoid the no ski out area, then down Crabapple and into the village where Jo is waiting anxiously for me.
Back in the room for a well earned coffee, but the machine is broken, they replace it, it still doesn’t work, now I’m starting to get desperate! Being deprived for caffine & nicotine is too much to bear, I make them bring me a coffee up while I wait. Eventually drag ourselves away from Family Guy on TV to head out to dinner. Go to a nice little Italian, nice to have a grown up meal not served to us by a 19 year old Australian called Brandy. Food is excellent but seems like the only the thing the guy on the next table can focus on is Jo’s chest. Drag Jo’s heaving bosom back to the hotel for some TV in bed.
Smoke count 5
Fall count Rob 1 Jo 0
Black count 3 each, the only one open, three times!
Stats
Distance 58.98km
Ave Speed 16.5km/h
Decent 4,776m
Usual start to the day, cereal, toast and BBC World. Off to Blackcomb today so up the gondola and chair to Glacier Creek. Its Australia Day today and all the Lifties are dressed in flags and other paraphernalia, well the Aussies anyhoo. Loads of others on the Mountain too, Jo couldn’t resist getting a photo of a particularly colourful bunch. Have a few runs down Zig Zag taking video and photos. Posted some in the My Movies section of the blog. Up the Glacier Express and down the Crystal Traverse and Ridge Runner, I find some pow to plough through on the way, back up for some challenging runs before lunch. Head for Overbite, a nasty mogully black, top is very vertical and very lumpy, I’m not so sure. Jo points to the sign 10m away, seems I peaked too early. The real Overbite is not much better, it’s very long, very lumpy and very steep. Jo employs the slip-slide technique, I use the fall every third turn technique. Ski a little further and come across Straight Shot, I say pah looks gay, Jo says not for me and skis round. It’s pretty much as tough as the last but I fair better, other than hitting an icy mogul! Lunch in Glacier Creek is good. Jo plans to video me coming down a mogul black to show me how mad I am but realise that she’s gotta come down Overbite too to get me on either blacks we did before lunch. Decide that there will be plenty of opportunities to film me doing something stupid.
Head over to the Peak to Peak and up Whistler peak which is clouded in mist but surprisingly still. Take the Upper Peak to Creek and Highway 86 to the Big Red chair. I take a bit of off-piste on the way, Jo follows me and ploughs into a rock face, she wasn’t going very fast though! Plan our run down, I take my favourite Franz’s Meadows, Jo takes Little Red Run. Our challenges are limited by the number of black runs closed for the Olympics (we were lucky to do Dave Murray when we did) so stick to Pony Trail and the Crabapple, pretty much the standard run in.
Back in the village and back in the room for a nice cup of tea and stupid American sitcoms on the TV. Get ourselves dressed and pop to the shops, end up walking to the upper village which is an adventure. Get the North Face and Spyder mid layers we’re after and boot liners for Jo’s poor feet, then head for dinner at Earls. Disaster number 3 of the holiday, the keg of Albino Rhino has run dry! Honey beer, once the staple of holidaying in Whistler has all but disappeared! I admit in the scheme of things these are not major disasters! Jo is worried what effect the enormous selection of root vegetables will have on her. Stuffed, we stubble home at 9:30, practically midnight!
Smoke count 5
Fall count Rob 1 Jo 1, I’m not counting the moguls cause didn’t lose a ski!
Black count Rob 3 Jo 1
No stats today, something strange happened to my watch
Late night last night as I attempt to do the annual pay review from 8k miles and 8hrs time difference. Get to bed at 2:30, up again at 7, feeling a little tired, breakfast slower and out a little later. Straight up to the peak where we have our photo taken against the dramatic backdrop of the mountain range. We’re going to do the Peak to Creak today, it’s one of the longest and most popular runs in North America, trouble is we’ve always found someone who’s just done it and hated it. With the fresh snow and the last day the Creekside gondola is running we decide it’s now or never (well next year). The peak is cold and windy as we head off down the Upper Peak to Creek, slope is steep with big sections of ice as the wind whips the snow off. You hear immediately its ice and feel as your ski grates across and you figure it’s never going to hold. The upper safely negotiated I find a small detour through the pow before moving on to the undulating mid and lower section. It really is a good long (11km) run and definitely benefitted from the snow of the last few days.
Back up in the gondola and off to the long and fast GS run. Up Harmony to Little Whistler and down Harmony Ridge until we find a cheeky black called Low Roll, a nice powder bowl after a nasty drop from the ridge. Pick up GS again then find Chunky’s Choice a steep carved up black. With those negotiated we’re ready to reward ourselves with lunch at the Chic Pea. Yet another disaster (again, not of biblical proportions), Chic Pea closed and no Moroccan beef stew! Round to Franz’s chair but that’s closed too. Although they say 90% of the mountain is open a lot of the popular challenging runs are closed while double black bowls and wide greens are open. Must mean we’re now skiing Olympic standard! Eventually make it to the Roundhouse where we have curry (disappointing) and a little rest before the afternoon exertions.
Back up Harmony Ridge, pick up a gladed black called Kaleidoscope, really tricky undulating through the trees, do about half before skiing out onto the piste. Next challenge is Boomer Bowl, Jo’s feet are burning so she leaves me to it. It’s a nice powder bowl, like Jenny says good to practice on different conditions and the deep pow certainly makes me pick up my uphill ski. Miss the bowl ski out so face the Gun Barrels, a pair of blacks, near vertical, mogul, cliffs and a ski width between the trees (double diamond in my book). It’s very tough, very tough to keep to my principals of turning on every mogul rather than slip-sliding down. It goes on forever and I’m knackered. Jo’s waiting for me at the lift and has had enough, but the lift has 5 mins left so up I go again. Do the same run down from Harmony, including the Bowl and Gun Barrels, surprisingly it hasn’t got any easier in the last 20 mins so I struggle down again. My legs burning I find a little ski out 20m from the bottom, it’s a narrow run through the trees, gather quite a bit of speed but figure it’s ok cause I can see the piste at the end. Only there’s a jump at the end, I fly, my skis hit the piste, I leave my skis behind and fly to the other side! Jo and the lifties have been cheering me on from when I was a speck on the hill, lifties are politely complimentary on my “style”. Pictures of the hill, rocks and looking up the Gun Barrels on the site. Jo’s feet are still burning and it’s a long run down to the village at 3:20.
Back in the room for a cup of tea, rest and a nice hot bath. Head out to The Keg for a steak dinner and a pint of beer. Back in the room for a very short watch of TV in bed before falling asleep.
Smoke count 4
Fall count Rob 1 Jo 0, I’m still not counting rolling over on moguls
Black count Rob 7 Jo 3
Stats
Distance 35.25 km
Ave Speed 20.1km/h
Top Speed 68.5km/h
Decent 5,394m
Up at 6:30 this morning to get up to the Roundhouse for Fresh Tracks, breakfast and a first run at the mountain. Waddle over to the square, get our tickets and into a gondola for two. Breakfast of eggs, sausage and pancakes (not on the same plate, we’re not Americans). Get out about an hour before the ordinary skiers, take a run down Fish Eye and my favourite Franz’s Meadows. Jo films me down Franz’s run where I clock up 64km/h. Over to GS where I film Jo going for her Olympics trials down the steep run into Harmony chair. Up on Harmony, across Burnt Stew Trail and across to Jeff’s Ode to Joy for the Symphony Amphitheatre. We find that Symphony is a previously undiscovered gem, its relatively quiet, nicely groomed and gorgeous tree lined runs. Up to the top and another run down Jeff with a little off piste action, then up again to do Adagio, one of the runs of the day. Jo sits the next one out as I take on Staccato & Glissando Glades, plus some extra off piste in & out of the trees. Have a little run around the trees where the danger signs point out the open creek, stay the right side of the wire though, unlike the soaking wet boarder that turns up at the lift, “oh dear you’re a bit wet, what do you want me to do about it”, says the less than sympathetic Liftie before taking him into the hut and presumably finds him something in lost property.
Take Sidewinder over to the Roundhouse for a coffee & chocolate break. Jo’s feet are killing her, she can’t go on so heads back down, leaving me to my own recognisance. Ski over GS to Harmony where the cloud has really closed in. A very tricky run down Burnt Stew, the visibility is near zero and the light completely flat. Negotiate back round to Symphony, visibility is even worse at the top, steep too but the lower part is still great. Have three runs down, including the glades and a little off piste through the trees. Aim for a bit of extra off piste but back off when confronted with a cliff! Back down to Midstation where the weather is better but the cloud has started to move in. Head off GS with the intention of trying Ratfink (black), have to traverse across the pow which is hard work, obviously no one has done it today so with the cloud closing in decide it’s not worth the effort or the risk. Another run down Franz then back up to Midstation for the final run of the holiday. Attempt again to find Raven & Ptarmigan (part of the Olympic runs) but fail again, do Enchanted Forest instead. Emerald chair is still running so decide there’s time for one more run, GPS watch has given up at 78km complaining of low battery. With no challenges left on the lower mountain aim to do the blues down to the village as fast as possible. Take Jolly Green Giant, thighs starting to burn, then onto Crabapple, knees starting to ache (think that’s a good thing, I’m bending my knees) and then into the village. Jo is waiting for me with my normal boots, take skis back to the rental place then round to BigBucks for a coffee and treat.
Back in the room for a relax in front of the fire. Dinner at The Keg again tonight, another steak and Jo finds our favourite honey lager on the menu. Feel stuffed, leave, waddle back across the square and Jo is in her jammies with 30 seconds of being back in the room. Get checked in for tomorrow and join Jo in the PJs for some TV in bed.
Smoke count 5
Fall count Rob 2 Jo 0
Black count Rob 2 Jo 0
Stats
Distance 78.26 km
Ave Speed 14.5km/h
Top Speed 64.4km/h
Decent 7,404m
More relaxed start today as no ski and we’re going home, boo. Down to the restaurant for breakfast where we’re moderately reserved. Waitress says “so thats one exceptional and one exhilarating”, what? “one hot one cold breakfast” err yeah. Back to the room to get packed, all goes smoothly, not feeling over packed. Go down to the spa for a last hot tub & sauna, nearly have the place to ourselves while the others are out skiing, boo. Back up stairs for a freshen up and relax from the exertions of the spa. Pop down to do a last trawl of the shops, balance out the presents and make final decisions on things we’ve admired. Go into the new sports shop that’s replaced the Nike store, get some top combats and a running top, Jo agonises for hours, eventually decides on a vest. Go to the supermarket for some treats for the office, toy with getting some Lucky Charms & Fruit Loops for the kids but we just don’t have enough room for two huge boxes of cereal! Get a couple of more tops for the kids, I get a spare one I like them so much. Have a look in the kids store for Peanut, get a couple of other bits, have to drag Jo out kicking and screaming. Get a call from BA while we’re out, our flights delayed by an hour but it’s too late to change our transfer.
Back in the hotel and just enough time to change my pants and pack all the extra goodies. Don the driver who brought us to Whistler has returned to take us back, lovely guy as I said. Nice drive to the airport, Don is full of interesting facts until I challenge him by asking the elevation of the Black Tusk, he doesn’t know but promises to find out for next time (I look up on the internet, it’s 1,710m). Cover our options at the bag drop but still have to wait while a family try to find 18 seats together in business and a guy tries to get away with two big suitcases as his allowance. Anyhoo that done and through the fast track at security, others look indignant as we “jump” the queue but security holds them back. Jo is dead set on having something in Milestones as she missed it so much in Whistler. Eventually make it to the lounge, I wander off to fix myself a G&T and within seconds some guy starts chatting up Jo, apparently he thought he knew her from catering college, not a bad line to give him credit. Climb on the plane. Pretty much take off on time, albeit an hour late. Watch Dorian Gray, very dark and gothic, I like it, Jo not so sure. Have Arctic Char for dinner (don’t know what an Arctic Char is but it’s nice), Jo has pasta. Recline after dinner for some shut eye, Jo lapses back into the coma she was in on the way out, I toss constantly, end up a bit stiff. Kama dictates that I’m wide awake for my breakfast of bacon roll and pastries while Jo murmurs something that might sound like she doesn’t want any. Watch The Inbetweeners over breakfast.
Landed safely (obviously) and smooth through passport and on to baggage. I go for a quick wee, but ours are the first five bags off the carousel and Jo has to struggle them off. Coffee in hands we jump on the car park bus just in time. Jo is amused by the bunch of lads trying to track down the flight attendant that apparently took a fancy to one of them, I just figure why didn’t you just ask her on the plane you fag. Anyhoo, car loaded and off round the M25 for the final leg, traffic really good, no hold ups, although a bit slow round the 57 miles of roadworks.
Get home, Jo is straight out to Tesco before I go out for James’s birthday bash.
Another great holiday in Whistler, we’re already talking about booking for next year.
Stats
Whistler to Vancouver 123km
Vancouver to Heathrow 7,580km
Heathrow to Hornchurch 98km
16.5 hrs
Ave speed 473km/h
Day 1 - Monday 4 Oct
Up around 7, popped over to see Rachael and the kids then off to le Moulin, the ever so cosmopolitan French patisserie in Hornchurch high St. Been meaning to get the side light fixed in the car as it's been nagging and moaning ever since it went a week ago, decided there just wasn't any more time so it's going to have to feel sorry for itself in the carpark. Back home for some last jobs then settled down to the History channel, watched who grassed up Ann Frank.
Quick chat to Carole & John on the drive (they keep an eye on things while we're away, we are lucky), then off for the run round the M25. Despite roadworks every couple of miles it's a good run. Parked up and on to terminal 3, checked in, get offered an earlier flight but since we have a 2 hour stopover in Madrid not worth it. last couple of fags outside then through the fast track and on to the lounge. Feeling pretty starving so tuck in to the chicken korma, well Jo has korma and goulash! Sufficiently fed we venture back out for a browse, carton of fags (only 1), chocolate and GQ later we've had enough of the outside and seek out the tranquility of the lounge again. Settle down with a G&T (must be more reserved than flight to Singapore where the plane was spinning on take off). Feeling a little tired but I think the optimal time for sleeping will be the Madrid to Lima leg (12 hours & departs midnight). Decide that a few cappuccinos and packets of biscuits are in order. Time passes quickly in the the lounge and it's nearly time to head off to the gate.
Leave the sanctuary of the lounge and join the queue at the gate, we're 25 minutes late already and can't see us making that slot. Finally make it on board, there is something satisfying about being in seat 1A, even if it's short haul mini-business. Taxi so long I swear we're on the M4, then queue for take off, in the air an hour late. A pain for only a 2 hour flight but also makes it tight for our connection. Dinner is served, we've gone for the Hake as Jo says fish in batter must come with chips. How wrong she was, it comes with a salad and is surrounded by a long cucumber strip. Now Jo has a cucumber aversion ever since she walked in on her parents when she was young, so I suggest I take her fish and she has the lamb. Didn't quite work out that way, the stewardess takes out an identical plate and pops a lamb roll on it. Oh hum, I grab the cucumber before all those painful memories come flooding back. It's all ok though.
Pilot slams the plane into Madrid an hour late, but just over an hour to make our connection. I find a little fagging booth, the continentals can be civilised sometimes. Heathrow's smoking area is in Slough! Have to get a train but making adequate time, then get to passport control who insist on seeing our boarding pass. I show her our "pre-boarding pass" which is not good enough, so we can't go through. So you can't print online, can't get from Iberia in London and can't get through without one. Find an information desk who calls LAN, who put the phone down on her. An agonizing 20 minutes later some Doris from LAN turns up with our boarding passes and we run the last 5km to the gate. On board and things are looking up, spacious modern cabin with lovely touches of teak (veneer) and of course flat bed seats. We're served a glass of champagne as we pretend we're not gasping for air. Staff are much more friendly and we take off on time.
Have yet another dinner, ravioli this time, and a very tasty almond tart for me puddin. Not the greatest selection of films, we settle on Ironman 2, first hour is fine then struggle to stay awake. I force myself to set my watch to Peru time before packing down. Bed pretty comfortable and get about 6 hours sleep, until 3am Peru time. A very nice continental breakfast follows shortly and we listen to Dave Berry's podcast. I attempt to learn Spanish while Jo watches Prince of Persia. I have a break from Spanish (having learned the words for Catholicism & absorbent) and play Angry Birds. Jo's film is half way through when we start our descent, touch down gently in Lima, gather up our LAN Bvlgari bags and wander off the plane. All very smooth through customs and baggage where we're met by Bob, our Audley Travel rep. Bob is nice and friendly, takes us to the domestic check in, via outside for a fag, ushers us through the queues straight to the check-in desk. Girl at the counter is either flirting with me or Bob, she is lovely all the same. Bob takes us to departures and explains how to pay the tax, we say a fond farewell to Bob then follow his instructions to the letter. Tax paid we're out and have a browse of the excellent shops, even get some stuff, then off to Starbucks for a coffee and the Ginger biscuits we pilfered from the lounge at Heathrow. I have a last fag then we take a leasurely stroll back through departures and have a little sit by the gate. One handy part of this waiting around is plenty of time to keep the blog up to date.
Squeeze onto the flight to Cusco, annoying cow in front wants to fully recline here seat before we've even left the stand. We take off and quickly into the mist that has been around Lima all morning. Jo joins me for some Spanish lessons, then all of a sudden the cloud is gone to reveal spectacular scenery. Rugged barren mountains with snow capped peaks. Approach to Cusco is quite something as we pass the runway then bank steeply round a mountain before straightening up over the town, smooth landing though. Quickly off and through, tiny airport, you can see the baggage handlers outside loading the cases. Humberto meets us outside and whisks us to the Casa Cartagena and the end of our travels (for a bit).
At the Casa Cartagena, we're checked in by Humberto's daughter while we drink coca tea and chat to the waiter about snow boarding in Switzerland. Humberto jr shows us to our suite across the courtyard and it is lovely, open plan, clean & modern yet traditional. Have a mini unpack (don't think we'll properly unpack the whole trip), sample the chocolates, then have a delicious shower. Little rest on the bed in the jammes while watching the last bit of Rush Hour (the first one, before Chris Tucker got fat). Have a little look outside before setting off and it's started to rain, which turns to hail, then thunder and a down pour, it was so sunny when we arrived.
The rain finally gives way to a cool but sunny late afternoon, we set off for a mini explore of the town. Walk through Plaza de Armas with it's magnificent cathedral and along the narrow cobbled streets. Cusco looks a little tired round the edges, the same can be said for some of the locals, but the town, as well as the people, has a relaxed charm. There are surprises around every corner, the sight of rolling hills behind the city, that turn from bleached grey to green & lush as the sun begins to set or the giant statue of Christ on the hill top, or indeed a charming patisserie like Bondiet. Jo has 4 beef empinadas (I think), I go for some spinach & egg number and a coffee with coca leaf, double the fun. We continue our explore around town, find a very tired looking Paddington Bear wandering around, comment on how he's a character from an English childrens story and not really Peruvian. Notice how very clean Cusco is and even though there are street sellers, they're polite & not insistent. Walk up to Plaza Regocijo, which has some government building with the state flag flying, and Lonley Planet was quite right, it does look like a gay pride rainbow flag (which is fine), you can see from the picture. Hang around Plaza de Armas, plan some pictures, lots of people watching, talk to to a Man Utd fan, pick up a large lady....that fell on the steep, slippery cobbles. Make our way back to the hotel where we greeted with more coca tea.
Another rest then forced up by our evening cocktails & canapes delivered by another charming waiter with impeccable English. He tells us there is no buffet breakfast as there is only us and one other couple, so he will take our order. He rattles off a list of menu choices, I say yes please that all sounds fine thank you. Get out again for dinner about 7:30, it's now pretty cold. Go to the restaurant Humberto recommended, Cicciolina. Jo has chicken, I have Alpaca (what, they're domesticated livestock here, it's not as though I had guinea pig, yet). Feeling rather tired we leave the restaurant at 9 and back to the hotel. Another surprise in the courtyard (as well as the gaint orb) is that you can see the statue of Christ and it's illuminated. Into the jammies and pack down in bed for the first time since 7am Monday morning, it's 10pm here or 5am Wednesday morning in London.
We both manage quite a good night sleep considering it's our first night in the new timezone, the only way to avoid jet lag. Wash and shave (my first for 3 days), then dressed for our breakfast in the courtyard. Delicious omelette, big basket of pastries and fruit (Jo even tries some papaya). It's still very cold on our shady side of the courtyard. I read The Times online, interesting article about Jérôme Kerviel, the Soc Gen rougue trader ordered to pay Eur 5bn in costs and how he's become something of a anti-establishment hero in France. We seem to be coping pretty well with the altitude (3,200m), I've had a bit of headache, not too bad though, no tummy troubles and my sniffles have gone. We're trying to consume as much coca as possible, my Inca coffee, coca tea, chewing the leaves from the tea (not sure you're supposed to do that). Get our bits ready and meet Soloy, our guide for the day.
Set off through the winding streets to our first stop of the day, Tambo Machay. A quaint little ruins with a stream running through it. Spot a lady in traditional dress with her lama, not sure if she's a farmer passing or makes a living wandering round with her Andean camel collecting sols from tourists. Then on to Kenko, an larger site with a labyrinths of sacrifice alters. The site is surrounded by eucalyptus trees, but no kolas (I asked), apparently they were imported for building the railroad. Next we're off to Sacsayhuman (pronounced sexy woman as Soloy kept reminding us). This is the biggest and most impressive site, three levels of stone walls, the bottom zig-zagging with a wide, flat plain in the middle. Soloy points out the intricacy of the construction as there is no mortar between the stones, they are all perfectly aligned or interlocked. We climb to the top (going up any stairs gets you out of breath, we're at 3,800m now). Great views over the town from the top, sprawling orange buildings, interspersed with plazas and surrounded by steep mountains, often with Viva Peru carved in the side!
We go back into the city now to visit the Sun Temple, a great example of the Spanish conquerers building on top of original Inca foundations. Soloy is an excellent guide and very knowledgable about all the sites we visit. Being from Andean decent (rather than Spanish), she is also very critical of the actions of the conquers, probably quite right too. Next we visit the magnificent cathedral in Plaza de Armas, which is actually three cathedrals in one as the Spanish kept extending in their ambition to bring Christianity to the natives. Each part is adorned with decoration, paintings, sculptures and idols, all with lavish use of gold and silver leaf. Soloy points out the changes as we progress through each part, with more of the Andean culture being introduced into traditional Catholic images. Native American images carved into the choir pews, snakes woven into robes and a guinea pig served at the Last Supper. There is a very famous statue of Christ in the cathedral, where Cusco suffered a series of devastating earthquakes in the 17th century, when the statue was paraded through the town the earthquakes stopped. The satue was so worshipped, with candles placed all around that the figure of Christ turned black. While I'm educating you, did you know that the term Inca refers to the kings and actually it's the Andean people we generally refer to as Incas.
Our tour (and your lesson) over we bid a fond farewell to Soloy and wander off to find our favourite coffee shop, Bondiet. We enjoy 2 cups of Inca coffee, a bottle of Sprite, selection of savouries & 2 slices of pie for £4 (try getting that in Bigbucks). We wander back through town, stopping at a couple of outdoor shops, full of the same North Face & Merrils stuff you see at home, all for the same extortionate prices! So we take our weather proof, Gortex cladded butts out of there and walk off in our all-terrain Hedgehog boots. Find some reasonably priced postcards and t-shirts on our way back. Take an alternative route back, up some steps (out of breath) watch over a game of football in the local school then find our hotel. Sit in the courtyard drinking / chewing some coca tea, reviewing the photos and writing the blog.
Little rest in the room, 6 o/c soon comes round and time for our pre-trek talk. We go out into the courtyard to find the guide and others from our trek waiting for us, Jo says it's a bit embarrassing that everyone has come to our hotel and and we're the last to arrive, I say why, that's every meeting I ever go to. Carlos (who's not our guide) gives us a rough idea about how things work and bonus, we're being picked up at 6:30, not 4:30 as I thought. Meet Bob, Kate and Tony who, I think, will be the only others in our group. Kate says she's a vegetarian, I say I only eat Alpaca, Carlos eventually realises it's a joke. Back to our room where we are brought our customary cocktails and canapés. Shower and dress for dinner.
Tonight we head for a little Peruvian place recommended by Soloy called Chicha. It's a short walk down to Plaza Regocijo and upstairs to the restaurant, which is full so wevsit at the bar, still nice all the same. I go wild and have a ceveza, Jo goes for agua mineral con gas, start with empinedas (Jo's new favourite) and humitas, followed by stuffed peppers for me and half a pig in soup for Jo. Feeling rather stuffed we huff and puff back to the hotel.
Distance travelled 11,192km
Max altitude 3,800m
Another reasonable sleep, awake proper just before the alarm. Shower and dressed, then wander out to the courtyard for breakfast. We've ordered pancakes today and they are mighty fine. We've got an extra helping of cold meats, even though we're not German, but no jam (disgraceful as we had specifically ordered it last night). I have some cold meats with my savoury pastries, then ask for some jam for my sweet ones, the waiter takes the plate of meats away and asks if we want some cheese with our ham. Then ensued a little comedy sketch of us saying jam, Jam, JAM and the waiter saying ham, Ham, HAM! Eventually get our jam and breakfast can continue.
We have no plans today so spend a fair bit of the morning pottering around the room. Eventually plan our walkabout and are off. Outside the hotel is a lama trafic jam in the narrow street, get a few pictures (posted on the blog) but miss the best one when a taxi pulls up at our hotel and a lama tries to get in. Wander off chuckling down to the local market, which is big, full of locals and quite intimidating, we venture in none the less. It's in a big warehouse with rows and rows of tightly packed stalls, mainly textiles, fruit, flowers, meat and milkshakes. There's loads of stalls all crammed with locals eating / drinking big glasses full of fruit, evaporated milk, syrup & fruit on top. I keep asking Jo if she thinks it would be safe, I know it's not a great idea but keep hoping she will come up with a reason why it would be ok. Now we're planning to find a market the lonely planet describes as all your souvenirs under one roof, but can't help looking in the stalls. Come across a lovely old lady with a stall full of the stuff we like (can't say what, that would give away the presents). Agre a price, don't bother haggling it's all cheap and she is lovely.
Walk up to Avenida Sol where we saw lots of big banks and shopping arcades. We need plenty of sol for our trek what with incidentals, tips and showers on the last day. Pop into a nice looking BBVA bank, use the efficient cash machines, but they only dispense 100 sol notes, not ideal for giving to stalls along the Inca trail. Pop into a little coffee shop (betraying our favourite Bondiet) but it does have comfy outdoor sofas. Then off to find the arcade from the guide book, but it's closed, so back down to the local market. Go straight to our favourite old lady stall, she knocks a bit off for bulk purchase, sure we could have got 20 sol off but hardly worth it for £5 and she was lovely (probably not that poor judging from the amount of gold on her teeth). She babbles away to us something we imagine is "you are a lovely generous couple who will live a long and happy life", but I suppose could have been "ha ha you could have got 20 sols cheaper".
We walk back to the hotel via the camping stores we saw yesterday for the last supplies it wasn't practical to bring. Go into the first likely looking shop, pick out the things we want, ask how much they are, I add it up in my head, take off 30%, decide that's what I'm happy with, knock a bit off for bargaining, then she trumps me by offering me that price all in. I'm stumped so ask for another 10 sol off but she's not budging and I'm certainly not bothered for £2. Final stop is the market for water and extra snackage, which we achieve after much debate about cake bars vs chocolate bars vs cereal bars. Trot back to the hotel for our afternoon fix of coca tea.
Back in the room we've got some sorting out to do, pack our cases to leave at the hotel, kitbags to give to the porters and backpacks for us. Much debate and faffing follows as I attempt to charge everything and Jo tries to decide how many re-sealable bags to take. Think we get it about right in the end. Jo goes for a bath and I play Angry Birds.
Get dressed for dinner then our 6 o/c cocktails and canapés arrive, very nice too. I fancy something simple tonight like a burger so we head off to one of the pubs around Plaza de Armas. First a few errands, try to change the hundreds at a foreign exchange kiosk, no problemo he says, pop to the cash machine, get 2 lots of 30 then it says no way pedro you've had 2 lots out already, ho hum. We take some picturs in the square, of the fountain, the cathedral & the statue of Christ atop the hill. Jo gets some hippy backpacker pants, for round the campsite she says, but I know it's a slippery slope to growing her hair in rats tails, dropping out for a year on daddy's money and spouting rubbish to people like, hemp is so good for the environment or I never normally do this with guys I've just met. Anyhoo I try to keep her in check by taking her to the "highest Irish pub in the world". 2 cevezas and 2 steak baguettes later and we head for home, only for a slight detour as our cash machine saga continues. With that finally sorted we're back to Casa Catagena for the last of the packing and ready for night nights.
Get up at 5am, showered, dressed and ready for our breakfast to be delivered, which it promptly is. Pancakes, pastries and fruit, just the start for a days trekking. Little bit of confusion around the pickup, we're ready early but the guide is late but at least he called. Hand our cases to the hotel, our kitbags to the porter and lash our backpacks to ourselves. About an hours drive through the Sacred Valley for the final supply stop, then another 30 mins to the trail. Get set up, watch the porters cramming everything into the sacks they will be putting on their backs. Settle the formalities, checking passports & permits, even get our passport stamped.
We set off across a bridge over fast flowing water below and up the trail. About 5 mins in I glance over my shoulder to see a spectacular snow covered peak through the clouds and between the valleys. Great photo but have to jog to catch up with the rest, then I point out the view and everyone wants one. Pretty uneventful first day on the trail, it's challenging in parts but with a lot of flat and down hill too (you think these Inca chaps would have built a few more bridges). There is one particular path that is tough, long steep climb and with the altitude you can feel every muscle crying out for oxygen. Trail is busy but maybe not as much as I thought. We see a few different groups, overtaking each other seeing same faces at rest stops. Theres a lot of other traffic too, porters constantly passing you with small houses on their backs. I know it's often said how amazing these guys are, but it's true, running passed you with 10 times the weight on their backs as you puff and wheeze up the same path, then setting up camp and cooking you dinner! There also lots of ponies, mules & asses carrying supplies up the trail. There are quite a few villages too, usually selling water and snacks to the less prepared traveller, not much tat though. It starts to rain, little at first during one of scheduled stops, Jo puts her poncho on, I laugh, the heavens open and struggle to get mine out and on while being soaked. Stop for lunch and it's still pouring, but we're ok in the tent the porters have set up for us.
Lunch is good and the weather brightens up, so we switch to covert-o-shorts for the afternoon hike. We make good time and are in the campsite well ahead of schedule, about 3 o/c. Have an unpack, Jo makes the tent a little home from home. Have a little rest, have afternoon tea (made by the porters of course), crackers and jam. Sit and chat a while, but it's getting cold so make our excuses to go back to the tent to wrap up and another little rest befor dinner. Just having 5 mins of shut eye when the dinner bell rings and we dutifully follow to the mess tent. Porters serve us hot towels and a three course dinner, I'm beginning to think that my request to have my slippers warmed, toasted brioche and a cafetiere of coffee was not that unreasonable. Little chat after dinner, then make ourselves scarce so the porters can pack up and get maybe an hours sleep before starting all over again.
I negotiate the stream, lama poo and vegetation as I make my way for a pee with the aid of my head torch. Then it's clean the toothy pegs and into the tent for a blog and pack down for the night at the incredibly late 8:45.
Not a great night sleep, woke up at 1am, wide awake and all bunged up, incredibly hot, wiggle socks off and toss relentlessly. Porters greet us with knock on the tent door and calls of coca tea at 5:30. Sort our stuff out, sponge bath against the wall and off for breakfast. Porter hands us hot towels (obviously) and we settle down for sugar puffs with yoghurt, omelette and bread & jam. Give the porters a bag of coca leaves. Get started for our trek about 6:45.
First part is consistently uphill but relatively gentle, I'm forging ahead of the pack, spurred on by the Kendle mint cake. Decide to stop after about an hour and wait a fair while for the others to catch up. We have a little break at a campsite, take on more snacks, Elevens bar this time. Set off again and again I'm making good time, spurred on by coca leaves and trying to stay ahead of the old Peruvian woman who is hot on my heels. See a lot of familiar faces today as we stop where we see others and they stop when they see us, or giving encouragement as we overtake each other. There's much more of a togetherness feel than the first day, everyone has experienced a nights camping, we've all set off around the same time and we all know that today is the tough day. Stop by a mini-campsite, chat to a couple of girls and take their picture, Jo says "what part of Australia are you from", I wince, they say "I'm from Canada and she's from New Zealand". Jo tries to recover by asking what part and saying she has family from there. I distance myself from Jo's comments, Jo tries to alienate me as well by claiming I was brought up in Cairns, I'm horrified "that's in Queensland where all the loonies come from". See Canadian / Kiwi many more times after that fo-pa.
Today is very tough, as I said, about 8km, 1,200m up and 600m down. Again, these Inca chaps may have been very good at building ruins but perhaps a few tunnels wouldn't have gone a miss. Bob is finding it especially tough. Spend more time chatting with Tony & Katie as we all get a bit more comfortable and find some common ground, other than work and the trail. Adventure programmes seems to be a particular favourite with all of us, Bear Grills, Man vs Wild, Everest Beyond the Limit. Doing outdoor stuff too but I must admit they do much more than us, proper camping in the woods rather than weekends away in posh hotels in Dorest with day trips to the countryside.
The last 500m is really tough with the push for the summit, I greatfully exchange forging ahead for just surviving. Jo and I are doing this section together, stoping every 50m for a breather. There's a group of people at the top we've been chatting to on the way, all plus Tony & Katie shout encouragement as we go for the final push. We eventually make it and with a sense of great relief and achievement. It's been great weather for the trek all day, clear and mild in the forest but it's colder on the top. Peer over the other side and it could be a different country, very cold, wet & blowing a gale, but that is where we're going next. Wrap up for the next stage, a long downhill descent through the cloud. Definitely easier as not out of puff every 5 mins but still difficult stepping down steep steps for the next 2km. The constant jarring of footfalls in quite draining and I have the mother of all headaches coming on. Finally make it to camp, the porters applaud us in without a hint of irony. Tiny rest and some Nuerofen and over to lunch. I'm halfway through my soup and I can't go on, I say my apologies and back to the tent for some shut eye until the tablets kick in.
I wake to hear Jo cursing outside as her hair mouse has exploded in her kitbag. I feel much more human and help Jo sort things out before we join the others for afternoon tea. Today we have popcorn, jeepers I say, they've hauled a popcorn maker up here. Plenty more chatting about outdoor shows and life over Milo & popcorn. Tony & Katie leave and Bob joins us, more chit chat before we realise we're probably holding up the porters from preparing dinner, so back to the tent for 40 winks (Bob doesn't join us). Back down again for hot towels and three course meal. Finish up, then it's pee, fag & teeth clean by head torch. I write the blog and Jo is now fast asleep, will get myself comfy and maybe listen to "I'm sorry I haven't a clue".
Trekked today 8km
Distance trekked 15km
Time on the trail 39 hrs
Max altitude 4,200m
Current altitude 3,800
Distance travelled 11,192km
Arise at 5am for our coca, wash and pack for the day ahead. Hot towels before breakfast, which today consists of toast and a corn cereal drink, which I combine with Milo & coffee. Surprisingly good, I've put my headache of yesterday down to insufficient caffene. It's raining this morning, but just eases off for the set off.
Today we're heading through the 2nd & 3rd passes (the first being the killer from yesterday). Mostly uphill first thing, but mainly more gentle than yesterday but still a few huge step sections. Drizzle is pretty relentless so it's time to don the ponchos as we ascend to the top of the 2nd pass. Feels good to be at the top, knowing that with the monster 4,200m yesterday and at 3,900m done, we're not going to have to climb as high again. Having said that I feel the urge to clamber up to the rocky peak, but that's just 'high' spirits. It's all (well mostly) downhill from here and as we start the rain eases to give great views of the valleys below. We must have about 50 pictures of cloud covered mountains and we take 50 more on the way down. Get a great view of some Inca ruins on the opposite side of the pass but in the time it takes to get my camera out the clouds roll in to obscure them completely. The cloud doesn't move for the whole day.
We wind down the narow pass, with the mountain on one side and steep gullies the other, occasionally I stand on an outcrop and somehow feel more adventurous than the other 500 people on the trail today. We stop at some Inca ruins (those guys really knew their ruins). An interesting spot, David explains how it was probably used as a shrine for the people following the ancient trail. David also points out how the mountain displays the features of a woman, hence the name "Dead womans pass", I can't see it and accuse him of poking fun at the tourists. The pass winds down further into the cloud forest and the rain becomes even more relentless (if something can be more relentless). At first it adds to the atmosphere, feeling more wild and remote, aided also by no stalls and strangely less traffic. Jo & I trek most of this section together, which is nice as we chat about this and that and what it must have been like in Inca times. Its all quite stunning winding along the path, through the jungle with steep sides and seemingly endless drops as the mist obscures any sense of ground. Eventually we stop for lunch and we're glad as the rain has become yet more relentless and there is a limit to how much ancient history can make up for being cold and wet.
The ever smiling porters greet us, take our packs and show us to the mess tent. I demand the Milo & when it arrives it's looking disturbingly close to empty, I am now regretting telling the others of it's chocolatey malted goodness, I should have left them to believe it was another strange concoction from my homeland. We sit there huddled around our hot plastic mugs until the others arrive just as wet and misserable. Our spirits rise with the delicious hot lunch of soup and some Peruvian root vegatable, looks like they came in a packet but good all the same. Our spirits fall again at the prospect of going out in the rain that, incredibly, has become more relentless. We all set off together and stay together the whole way down. Throughout the trek we've walked at different paces, sometimes it's good to push yourself, sometimes you rush ahead to take a picture, sometimes you're just knackered! We trek on for many kms, down steps, through caves, across bridges, all with the mountain on one side and the mist on the other. The scenery is stunning (may be more stunning if you could see over the edge) and there is a real sense of achievement and togetherness. There is also a strong sense of wishing the rain would become less relentless.
All of a sudden it does, with about an hour to go to camp, we even have a rainbow (which greatly amuses the group behind us ("I'd do it all again just to see that", sure you would love). As we close on camp, Jo and I have to break ranks as the desire for the loo takes over. There's talk of a flushing toilet in the lodge at camp, I think of Ewan McGreggors soliloquy in Trainspotting. You dream of gleaming white porcelain and gold plated taps but when you need to go anything with a bowel & a door will do. Well the lodge has half of that and it will have to do. Meet the others coming down the path and we all go to camp together.
Have our afternoon tea then quick rinse and change before heading up to the bar. Now Jo has changed into her hippy backpacker pants and fits right in. I have to keep my eye on her as she edges towards the gap students while I collect the ceveza. I just reel her in before she starts spouting "ya this has become too comercial, I only came here because I rully care about Miyan culture and I'm planning to volunteer as soon as daddy's cheque clears." We finish our beer in the mess tent with the others where we sort out the very complex tipping arrangement and exchange email addresses. Dinner is soup (of course), pasta with red wine and banana flambé for afters. Jo actually eats the banana! She still won't eat peas though. We exchange stories with our American friends on the differences in our language, I find poking fun at New Yorkers hits some common ground.
I escort Jo up to the lodge toilet in case that hippy spirit overtakes her again. Then it's stumble back down the path and into our sleeping bags while the rain relentlessly falls on our tent.
Trekked today 12km
Distance trekked 27km
Time on the trail 63 hrs
Max altitude 4,200m
Current altitude 3,700
Distance travelled 11,192km
Last night David gave us the option of setting off around 4 to trek to the Sun Gate for sunrise, we declined and hearing the relentless rain beating down before our alarm call, it seems like a good idea. Usual 5 o/c coca tea alarm call, then wash and dress ready for the day ahead. Peer out of the tent and it's still raining so make a dash for the breakfast tent. All the other parties seem to have set off pre-dawn for the rush for the main event, it feels kinda weird being the only ones in camp. Special breakfast this morning, porridge & pancakes! I've gotta hand it to the porters yet again, every breakfast, every lunch & every dinner has been different. After breakfast we have the highly emotional giving of the tips ceremony. I've been entrusted with the head porter, Tony the chef (on account of his appreciation of the cooking) and Bob (hearafter known as Roberto) the rest of the porters. It all goes well and all the porters seem genuinely pleased, we do the football thing where we all go down the line shaking hands. They're all happy smiley guys, it would be easy to be cynical and the assume they think we're fat lazy tourists, but you genuinely feel they are happy & friendly towards us. Anyhoo, the pleasantries over we have the serious business of getting to Machu Picchu to takle.
We all set off together, trekking along the undulating path towards the Sun Gate. The path snakes round the mountain, similar to the end of yesterday. There's mist all around, especially in the valley and still feels deep isnide the jungle. We carry on for about 2 hours before we get to a steep set of steps David calls the gringo killer. We carry on a bit further, I can see some ruins ahead & say to Jo this must be the Sun Gate, which it duly is. Now I've read about the trail, looked at the map, followed David's updates but we're standing in the ruins and all of a sudden I turn to Jo and say oh my gosh there it is. The awe inspiring site of Machu Picchu is laid out in front of us, slightly further down the valley, nestled between two peaks. The rest join us, there are some congratulations and lots of pictures as it sinks in that we have finally made it. The weather is good now and the views are spectacular. We're even vindicated that we didn't join the herd of 4am hikers, queueing up in the rain to get a picture or worse still not knowing Machu Picchu was down below as much of the time the valley has been engulfed in mist. The site is vast, much bigger than I imagined, it is a sprawling ancient city, you can make out much of the layout from our high vantage point.
We carry on along the path taking in the changing views of Machu Picchu and the surrounding mountains. We pass daytrippers and sneer at their gleeming white trainers as we trudge past weary and smelly. The number of tourists (we're not tourists, we're explorers) grows as we near the site. We arrive at the terracing at the edge of the site and we're finally on top of Machu Picchu and we really have without any doubt finally made it. Roberto gets quite emotional and gives us all a hug. I think we all recognise how tough its been for Roberto at times during the trek, which along with his easy going charm has made a place in all of our hearts (obviously this was already so for Katy & Tony). We wander through the outskirts of the site, then back in for David's official tour. We learn about the functions of the buildings and how the city was set up, agricultural, storage, astronomy & temples. As we progress through the many parts shoot many more photos of the site and the surrounding mountains which seem to change with the weather and where you are, I guess that's what made it such a special place to these Inca chaps. It's a wonderful place and a fascinating tour from David but, regrettably we're all feeling rather tired and looking forward to a nice sit down. The relatively minor stairs in the site should be nothing compared to the mountains we've climbed but they seem so tough now and we're all pleased when David says tour over, time for lunch.
We sit down in the restuarant, at a proper table with proper chairs and a proper hot buffet! The food is good and Tony tries most of it, he gets moaned at in German by the old bag on the table behind us, Jo translates and we all laugh as she slopes off to sit on her own. We sit and chat before Jo and I decide we're going to head down, leaving our comrades behind to explore more of the site. They're not leaving till 6 o/c, which seems like a long time and we feel guilty for heading off to our hotel. We say our farewells with genuine fondness as we have really enjoyed sharing this special experience with our new American friends. A word on David who has been a legend throughout, always calm & friendly but always in control. He paced each day just right, started at the right time, gave us enough rest and pushed us on when we needed to.
We board the bus down to Aguas Calientes and enjoy our rest and the last views of the mountain, for today anyhow. Soon enough we pull into town and jump off at the first stop. We walk along the railroad tracks (as instructed by David) past the hostels & bars. We're beginning to think David's given us a bum steer when we find the Inkaterra Cafe at the end of town. Eventually find reception and our shown to our room, which is delightful, spacious and rustic. Best of all it has a real log fire, which we plan to fully enjoy this evening. But first a delicious hot shower and feel clean for the first time in 4 days. Little relax and at snooze after our shower, which turns into a bit of a nap and pretty soon it's early evening and feeling like time to light the fire. Almost like magic turn down man arrives and Jo sets him to lighting the fire. Suitably warmed we dress for dinner, which is included in the rate so we don't have to justify not leaving the hotel on this cold & wet night.
Head down to the restuarant where we enjoy an even more delicious 3 course dinner than we have been used to on the trail. Actually its a bit posh and fancy, but by golly we did enjoy it, you cant beat a great peice of South American beef. Enjoy our coffee in the lounge where we read an interesting post on the message board from Jon who's runing a post card project for street kids in Ecuador, will definitely contact tomorrow to see how it works. Lounge is delightful, traditional, impecibly decorated with nooks & alcoves everywhere each with their own fireplace. We upload photos and and diaries to the blog before enjoying more real fire action back in our room. Finally it is time for bed.
Trekked today 5km
Distance trekked 32km
Time on the trail 73 hrs
Max altitude 4,200m
Current altitude 2,400
Distance travelled 11,192km
Thanks Aga, hope it brings back happy memories of your whirlwind world trip. Becky, the lama steaks are in the post.
Thanks also Nicola & Rach for the Facebook posts, glad you're enjoying the photos.
Interesting post from Jon, will get the details so we can support what sounds like a great project.
Not a great night sleep, I seem to have developed a head cold, must be something to do with being wet for 4 days. Still we've got a long lay in until 7:30. Shower, dress and down to breakfast, order some eggs and help ourselves to the buffet. Have a lovely relaxing breakfast, checking the blog & mail. Back to the room for a leisurely pack of the kitbag and our stuff for our outing today. Leave one bag to collect later and one for the hotel to take to the station, then off to conquer Machu Picchu again.
Walk down the street and through the market to find the bus stop, there's one waiting and we're soon off. Once at the top we check in, then go get our passport stamped, right next to the one where we started the trail. Have a little look around the outskirts of the city then find our way to Cera Machu Picchu. We could have gone for Wyanha Picchu but would have needed to get up at 5am (again) to queue up for a 7am ticket and reportedly the whole path is like the infamous gringo killer from the last day of the trail. Anyhoo, the Lonley Planet recomends this trail. We start through the top of the site then branch off for the Sun Gate (where we came in yesterday) and back up into the jungle paths. Have a little rest by the check point where Joanna Lumley (well could have been), comes past and says "I say, is this the way to the Inca Bridge", no you want down there on your left love, another 12 people go past with the same question, just not as frightfully polite. We continue to trek up, it's getting tougher and we're wondering why we're putting ourselves through this again. There are some great views of Machu Picchu and the surrounding mountains, it's a much clearer day today. See lots of funnelweb spider webs, no spiders though sadly. We continue up, Jo says she doesn't think we have time to make it to the top and coming from someone who believes time is elastic, she's probably right. I, however, see this as a challenge and push on harder with fewer stops! At least it is sweating this cold out of me! Its 1o/c, the time we agreed we'll need to turn around and we're in sight of the top. We bump into a Scandawegian couple who say it's 30 mins to the top, so I reluctantly agree to turn around. Make good time on the way down, check the GPS watch which says we climbed 400m, so more than a little cool down from the trail! It's also a great opportunity to see the site again when we're not completely knackered. I remember when we came through the Sun Gate and saw Machu Picchu for the first time, we were almost underwhelmed as somewhere along the way it seemed to become more about completing the trek than arriving at Machu Picchu.
Back at the site we have a little look in the Machu Picchu gift shop, which is run by the Sanctuary Lodge and it's all a bit naff and overpriced, a bit like the lodge I've heard. So grab a Sprite and the bus back down. Pop along to the hotel to pick up our bag and they offer us a shower, which we gleefully accept and it is truly fine. Just enough time to whizz through the market on our way to the station where we are incredibly disciplined and grab a couple of "I conquered the trail" T shirts and through to pick up our bag and onto the platform. The very efficient Peru Rail get us all checked into our seats and we're off pretty much exactly on time. Sit in a little foursome with an elderly American couple, get chatting, they're in the big group who were staying at our hotel. They are part of the Jewish American World Service, a charitable foundation that supports worthy causes in developing countries. They've just been to one of their projects in Bolivia and tacked on a trip to Machu Picchu, bless them. They remind me a bit of my parents (if my parents were American & Jewish), Mrs fussing over mozzy bites, Mr saying "I'm fine, I'm tougher than a mosquito". Anyhoo, interesting train ride alot of scenery to take in through the glass ceiling, which we make the most of while we enjoy the excellent Peru Rail dinner. Soon it's dark and Jo has a doze while I blog & listen to music.
The ever efficient Peru Rail then puts on some sort of cultural dance with a chap in fancy costume, followed by a fashion show, starring the steward & stewardess of our carriage. You don't get that on the C2C to Southend! The ever efficient but rather slow Peru Rail finally pulls into the station at about 8o/c. The ever reliable Pepe is waiting for us and takes us the short journey to the hotel. The staff at the Casa Cartagena welcome us back with open arms and show us to our new room. Different layout and decor but with the same sense of boutique style. Turn on the TV to the news of the Chilean miners rescue. Order room service and uncover the source of the ham / jam confusion, they have toasted cheese & jam or chicken, egg, cheese & jam club sandwiches:). Thankfully they come up with ham, we scoff them while watching the first miner come up. Somehow manage to get the cases packed then catch up on emails and off to beddy byes.
Trekked today 2,470m to 2,877m
Current altitude 3,600
Distance travelled 11,192km
Thanks for your message Jem, still trying to wrestle Alan from the old Andean woman who was walking him in the woods. You might want to consult my friend Adam Flory who is putting together a turtle extravaganza in the Galapagos.
Back to the 5am start, shower, dressed and ready for breakfast. There were 8 miners released since we've been asleep. Our favourite waiter brings us juice, coffee & pastries, he tries to talk us into having eggs or pancakes but we resist as we're probably going to eat about 10 times on route. Breakfast is delightful as always at the Casa Cartegna. Discover the reason the cases miraculasly closed was because hadn't packed the wash bag, have to make a crucial last minute decision, the big lens is coming out and going in my hand luggage. Count up the last of the soles and see who's getting what in tips. Chap comes to collect our cases and we soon follow to check out once we've seen the 9th miner get out. Pepe and Humbeto arrive soon after to take us to the airport, after a quick swoop back to the hotel to collect Jo's credit card.
Once at the airport, say fond farewell to Pepe, he has been a fine driver in the tricky narrow streets of Cusco, mewnwhile Humberto, with boarding passes already printed through to Quito, takes us through to check in. Bid Humberto a fond farewell and we're off to pay our departure tax then off to the gate. pretty uneventful flight to Lima as we both try and get a little shut eye on route to make up for the early start. Land at Lima and as there's no connection route we come all the way out which seems funny with no luggage. Quick fag outside then off to pay our international departure tax, which we learned from our last trip through Lima is best to get out of the way rather than leave till flight time. Stop in the pharmacy for some potentially hazardous strength cold & flu remedy, then off to our favourite Peruvian tourist shop for a present for Oliver. Use the very last of our soles in starbucks where we send email, reply to fb posts and surf the web. Jo is enjoying herself so much, I have to drag her to the gate, she quite likes looking at my facebook & posting messages but has no intention of getting one herself. All pretty smooth through security, laugh at the foreigners all trying to go through the scanner at the same time. Jo tries desperately to get rid of the water bottle we bought for the trek but the security staff insist on emptying and returning to her. Wander to the gate, on the plane & get settled comfy. Watch Quito's Liga football team swan past with their Gazza-esque coach through to the back of the bus (quite right too they lost 4-2), have a little laugh when the munter opposite who thinks he has the row to himself until he sees a huge, loud South American guy dump his bag down. Unfortunately he's in the wrong seat, but was good to see the look on the guys face. The flight improves still further when the captain announces himself as Andrew Fife, something very reassuring about an English pilot. Have a delicious beef & motzerella salad and enjoy the rest of the flight to Quito.
Approach to Quito is interesting, the city is nestled between the Andeas and spraws forever along the valley. Safely landed thanks to Andrew and we're the first ones through customs. Very officious woman with guns on her lapel services our passport then hands them back anouncing bienvenido to Ecuador. Through to baggage reclaim and we can see the little men taking trolleys of cases from the plane, Jo spots ours and soon we're together again and on our way. Once outside we're greeted by the paparazzi waiting to snap the humiliated Liga stars, while we're met with a sign showing Fredric & Malster, I guess that's us. Guide is a funny girl, can't remember her name, we'll call her Doris. Doris escorts us to our waiting car and we're soon on our way. Pretty uninspiring journey from the airport, a lot of car repair shops & concrete buildings but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Arrive at our hotel, Hilton Colon in Avenue Amazonas. Feel a bit out of place in the grand marble of the lobby after the casual boutique hotels we've become used to. Room is functional if a little bland & tired, but will be fine for the day & a half we'll be here. Put vast amounts of washing in as have virtually no clean clothes left, have a little rest while watching Jools Holland's Hootenany from 2002.
Wander out on the street to get a feel for the place before deciding what we're going to do this evening. Have a little look in a tired shopping mall, with a 24 hour coffee shop / bar outside. Across the road is a beautiful church, so go have a look at that for a bit. Stroll down the rest of the avenue, lots of pound shop, I think we're staying in the Dagenham Heathway of Quito (exception The Heathway doesn't have a 16th century church). Although we do find a rather nice tourist shop with arts & crafts & stuff. I try to convince Jo that a Panama hat suits me, she's not convinced. Back to the hotel to shower & change ready for dinner.
As regular readers of the blog will know our evenings out on holiday singularily consist of the two of us and a nice, if not fancy, restaurant. So tonight we head for Uncle Ho's, a backpacker bar in the lively end of town we found out from a guy that posted a message on our site. Grab a cab outside the hotel and it certainly is in the lively end of town as the driver takes us the long way round, more incompetence than anything. Recognise Jon from his site and sit at the bar with a couple of beers and listen to the live music they have going on. The place has a real backpacker feel and even with Jo's new pants is definitely not the place we would normally go, but it feels kinda cool so we hang around. Talk with Jon about travelling, the original Galapagos postcard tradition and the one he is promoting to get postcards to street kids in Ecuador. Food is good too, so is the local moonshine Jon treats us to (gives us a whiff of the neat stuff and it smells like paint stripper). Wish Jon all the best and make our way home. Find a taxi within 30 secs, seems a nice chap, couple of local hotties start chatting to him while I finish my fag, think they may be coming with us for a moment but alas no.
Back safely the in hotel after our $2 taxi ride, feel very proud of ourselves for doing something different. It doesn't last though as the norm takes over and we're in our jammies with clean teeth within 10 mins of getting in.
Details of Galapagos postcard and the scheme in Ecuador Jon is promoting can be found at...
http://savvyroundtheworld.wordpress.com
Current altitude 2,400m
Number or flights 5
Distance travelled 12,836km
All miners released
No firm plans today so have a long lie in until 7:30. The Hilton reckons it has the best breakfast buffet in Quito, so we're looking forward to it. It's no Singapore Fullerton but its pretty good, we're moderately restrained though. Next task is to collect sufficient cash for our time in the Galapagos (unlikely to be many ATMs out here). We saw a few likely candidates last night so head in up the street, first try Producto Bank, no luck, next Banco del Bank (yes Banco del Bank), funnily enough no, then Banco Pacifico yes! so we stash our cash and hot foot it back to the hotel. It's ok cause there are armed guards outside the bank, as there is outside the fruity place, a pump action shotgun no less (looks like it's seen plenty of action too).
Cash in the safe we're off for the city tour Jo has mapped out from the Lonley Planet. Get a cab to Plaza Grande, our driver Marco attempts to give us a tour along the way despite not being able to speak any English. Walk up the street past shoe shops (with armed guard), past cake shop (another armed guard). Beautiful colonial buildings in the plaza, the Presidential Palace and statue commemorating independence. Walk along the widing streets to La Compania de Jesus, a Jesuit church and quite simply the most stunning place of worship I have ever seen. Every cm of the walls and ceilings are covered in gold with the most intricate carving & lavish decoration. No prizes for guessing where the Inca gold went then. Wander up to Plaza & Monastery of San Francisco where Jo valiantly chases pigeons across the square to make my picture more dramatic. From there we walk through plazas and cobbled streets, past delightful colonial buildings to Cafe del Teatro where Jo allows me a little coffly waffly break, while helping herself to empinadas (her new favourite snack).
Now we're off to Baillica del Vote Nacional, another beautiful church but in a completely different style to the grand Jesuit church. A very gothic church, but instead of the usual gargoyles it is decorated with iguanas, turtles, pumas & boobies (the feathered variety). Inside is also classic European stone carvings and the most stunning stained glass windows, look like they must have been restored quite recently. There a national flags draped around the pillars, which is quite unusual. Now as we have read this is part church, part obstacle course. We climb the steps to the roof of the chapel, then walk along the wooden planks that run the length of the church. Then it's a steep ladder climb to rooftop where we watch the President's guard training from our high vantage point. I then opt to climb a further two steep latters into a tower, which tragically is covered in graffiti but has stunning views of the city. We climb down (carefully) and back across the plank bridge and find more steps leading to a cafe / bar, a staircase to the clock tower and ladders up to the bell tower, where I find a couple of school kids making out, they aren't the slightest bothered as I get yet more photos of the city. Walk back to the hotel past the justice courts (where el Presidente was attacked by the police a couple of weeks ago), see lots of troops outside and speeding past in their jeeps with soldiers manning machine guns. Finish our walk through the lovely city parks.
Back in the hotel we treat ourselves to a coffee break, Jo has strudel, I try a peach Melba which I didn't realise would look quite so gay. Upstairs we have a crash on the bed and watch some telly. We watch Crank - High Voltage, in Spanish but it doesn't make a lot less sense than in English. Then Waz (a horror film), again in Spanish, while we pack and get ready for dinner. This slows us somewhat, but we make it out none the less.
We're back to the Plaza Grande for a meal in a traditional Ecuadorian resturant. Find Cafe del Fraile, which is a charming little place inside a courtyard opposite the palace. Have a couple of beers, Jo's favourite empinadas then Jo consumes a breaded side of beef (while I have a salad). Quick trip back to the hotel for a bit of telly then bed, ready for yet another early start.
Current altitude 2,400m
Number or flights 5
Distance travelled 12,836km
Rise at 4:30, early even by this holiday standards. Quick shower and dressed, final pack of the cases then down to breakfast. A very reserved buffet this morning recognising the time and the amount of snacks we will undoubtably receive. I quickly pop outside as I realise I haven't picked up a GPS fix on Quito. Guide is soon at the hotel to pick us up and we're on our way pretty much on 6. Journey seems short to the airport, I guess far less traffic. Same uninspiring journey but we now know that Quito has riches in it's colonian past. Never got to explore the new town and a day & a bit is nothing to judge a city, but we enjoyed our time here. Felt much more Latin American than Cusco, I think because it's more Spanish than Andean, it's a proper city in it's own right as apposed to a tourist destination. We saw a couple of KFCs but other than that no chains whatsoever.
At the airport we need to have our luggage & hand luggage scanned and check in for our flight. Not much of a chore when the travel agent has three people doing everything for you, so we just stand around and watch it all happen. Our guide sees us through to security check and bids us a fond farewell. Have a bit of a sit waiting for our flight so we connect to the wi-fi and catch up on news & stuff. Trot to the plane, find our seats, get settled & soon we're off. Guy in front can't sit still, bit anoying, so is the rather longer stop in Guyaquil but we're finally on our way to the Galapagos. I introduce Jo to "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue"' (previously introduced to me by Adam Flory), we listen to two episodes & chuckle all the way. First sight of Galapagos is the flat barren land of Baltra, the only airport in the archipelago. It's a complete faff at the airport, show your documents to some guy (he shoves them back in the wrong order), someone else stamps your passport, next person takes your money ($100 I say, I want my own penguin for that, he laughs), next person checks your bag again for anything organic (I have an Apple I say, he laughs too). Then you're hearded into a pen while the luggage is unloaded, released in batches to claim, before checking against your luggage tags (I had the bags, Jo had the tags but we were separated by the pen). Anyhoo, finally got all sorted, found our guide & our group, in the bus and on our way.
Short journey to a little jetty with optional sea lion, hearded onto dinghies and finally on our boat, The Journey 1 or Anahi, depending on what you read. We gather and are assigned our cabins, we have one of two suites on the upper deck with an older Aussie couple. Have lunch, sit with a German couple (Robert & Miriam, the only others below 50), Charles & Sarah from HK and Aussies Tony & Jill. Get my stuff unpacked, Jo's not feeling good as we set sail (it's rather choppy) so sits out on deck. Pretty soon we arrive at our first excersion Plaza Islet in the island of Santa Cruz. Dinghies to shore we arrive at a sea lion colony. So part of the whole Galapagos experience is that it's such a protected area that the animals have no reason to fear people so act completely naturally while you're around. The sea lions bask, play, bark, fight & hump, all in their natural habitat, all just a few metres, or in some cases centimetres away. There's loads of crabs on the rocks and as we progress from the shore we discover the islands running alive with iguanas. Again these critters wander around like you're not there so it's great to observe them naturally, you just gotta watch out you don't step on them. We walk around the rocky island (always on the trail, always between the posts), jagged cliffs, plants, lots of sea lions & iguanas, a finch & a booby. Its pretty cold at sea & on the island, very windy too. The weather turns from mild & sunshine to dark, colder & raining so its a good job its time to dinghy us back.
Once back aboard we sort out the rest of the stuff, shower, change & ready for debrief on tomorrows activities, followed by meet the crew & dinner. Our guide Fabien is a funny little chap, quite serious but with a camp charm, a bit like Anton from Eurotrash. Chat at dinner & after dinner drinks, they all seem nice & pleasant. We set sail during drinks and it's a lot more choppy as the boat pitches & rolls. Jo asks to go back to the cabin which looks like its been ransacked, everything has been thrown around. I slump on the sofa & declare at least this isnt going anywhere...as the sofa and me are hurled across the room. Jo's not feeling any better, in fact she's turned an alarming shade of green, all she can say is what would her dad say with her being a sailors daughter. Things take a turn for the worse and Jo heads for the bathroom and hurls. She's feeling slightly better as she slumps in the bed & falls asleep. I'm remarkably unaffected as I blog, play Angry Birds and listen to some bloke in another cabin be violently sick. I'm tired though so decide to call it a night and pack down.
Current altitude sea level
Number or flights 6
Distance travelled 14,170km
Arrise at 6:30 to calls of "hola, hola you're breakfast is a ready." Quick shower & dressed then down for breakfast, which is excellent, cereal, eggs, meat & cheese and pancakes, with Aunt Jemima. Next we're loaded in the dinghies for a shore excersion to San Cristobal, one of the larger inhabited islands. Quick jaunt round the bay to get pictures of sea lions lounging on boats then into the dock in town. We're herded on a bus for a short drive to the nature trail. Much of the trail focuses on the island's flora, but we're much more fauna kinda people, nice none the less. See a few lava lizards which are quite interesting, if not as exciting as the big fat iguanas. Bit of a hike round the trail and an ascent up to the lookout point, but let's face it nothing for experienced explores and at sea level we don't break a sweat.
Get great views of the bay from the lookout point, more sea lions playing in the sea and pelicans & frigates swooping for lunch. Next stop is the Darwin Exhibition Centre where we learn lots about the history of the islands, Darwin's trips and early attempts to colonise the islands (many seemed to fail because they we're killed by the criminals they employed from nearby Gyuaquail prison). Short bus ride back into town where we're released on our own recognisance, feels a bit like a school trip. Wander along the shops to see if anything justifies stretching our cases still further, we limit ourselves to a vest for Jo and little something for my old mum, some nice stuff but generally overpriced and often emblazened with "I love boobies". Stop for a half way decent coffe and a mooch in the shop attached, find some nice coasters for Howler's lodge but while I think they're $4 a set they're $4 each, I tell the woman they're not worth 10c, Jo tells me off as she probably made them. Ho hum the search continues and we jump back in our dinghies for the trip back.
Have lunch as soon as we get back, which again is good. We have a little gap before the next activity so Jo convinces me to have a siesta with her. Pretty soon it's, "hola, hola snorkelling is ready". Get our swimmies, birthday mask & snorkel and camera gear together, assemble at the back of the boat for flippers & wetsuits (we didn't expect to wear wetsuits but the water is bloody cold). We're soon at our site and the water is bloody cold, my wetsuit is far too big and let's all the water in, which is a bit of a shock. Jo & I both struggle to transition back to snorkel from Scuba (you can't breath underwater!). We do see a schoal of fish, a great big turtle, sea lions and a sting ray (I resisted seeking revenge for Stevo). I can't get a decent picture with my fancy new underwater camera housing so am a bit p***ed off.
Back on the boat for a shower and quick change for this afternoons excursion, we're off to Sea Lion Islet in Isla Lobos. It's not called sea lion island for nothing (actually I think it's a nickname), it's running alive with the cuddly little buggers. Even more so than our trip yesterday, the sea lions are everywhere, going about their business, we just walk through. I've been to wildlife parks where you're in the same area as the animals but this is something different, you're in their natural habitat and they don't take any notice, I guess thats what make the islands unique and why this can only be achieved but adopting these strict rules over a long period of time. Anyhoo, the sea lions are great, barking at each other, playing, little cute ones bumbling along. We also see some marine iguanas, nesting frigates and a blue footed booby sitting on her chick. Great photos with the big lens, could be an all time photo count!
Back on the boat we're greeted with juice & nibbles with dip. Get changed and watch the sunset from the bow of the boat, Charles takes a nice picture of us. Quick change and down to dinner, which is really good, beef & cheesy potato gratin, yum. Fabian delivers his Powerpoint presentation on tomorrows activities, all interesting but I think he's a little disappointed to see so many tired faces & so few questions, I try to cheer him up by telling his how good it was. Have a little chat to Tony & Jill on the upper deck, before heading back to the cabin, where Jo lapses into a coma while I potter with little jobs.
Modes of transport 8 (car, plane, mini-van, feet, train, bus, dinghy, catamaran)
Number or flights 6
Distance travelled 14,170k
Usual 6:30 hola, hola wakes us from our slumber. Shower, dress and down to breakfast, which is tasty & satisfying as usual. This holiday may have been very active but thoughts that I may come back trimmer are put paid by the constant feeding throughout. We're soon loaded into our dinghies and shipped off to Gardener Bay in Espanola Island, a beautiful little spot full of sea lions. It may sound like all we've seen is sea lions (and we have seen lots of them), but it never ceases to amaze you as you wander through their groups and see what the chubby little aquatic mamals get up to. Walk down the beach for some more crab & iguana action, then a bit of island leisure time. There's an option to go swimming off the beach but it's bloody cold so everyone sits and basks amongst our furry friends.
Back on board for a little break before deciding what morning activity to take up. After much debate about how bloody cold the water was yesterday, Jo & I decide to go for snorkelling again. Due to the water being bloody cold the snorkle group has shrunk to Robert, Miriam, Charles & ourselves. Jump off the dinghy and shhhhh.... its bloody cold! Swim around the rocks, see plenty of fish then a sea lion swims right underneath me, then back to have another look. Try to get a picture but he's quick, was a great experrience though. See some more rays and big shoals of fish, lots of turtle sightings where we frantically flipper from one spot to another, not much luck though. The water isn't too bad in the end & we're the last two back in the dinghy. Get some good photos this time (adjusted the exposure to allow for the extra light reflected underwater). Back on board there's just enough time to get showered before our Equadorian lunch extravaganza on the upper deck. Exchange stories with Tony & Jill over lunch then it's time to have a little rest before our afternoon activities.
We're off to Punta Suarez in Espanola Island this afternoon, so it's back in the dinghies. Fabien said to us yesterday we must wear tennis shoes tomorrow, I said "are we playing tennis then", he's called them trekking shoes since which is a great shame because it was so amusing hearing him say "for tomorrows tour you weel neeed teniiiiis shoes" all the time. Anyhoo, it's a dry landing with rocky walk so weeee ave our teniiiiis shoes on. More sea lions on the beach, never have too many sea lion pictures so squeeze a few off before moving to the iguana orgy. The scally little prehistoric fellas are everywhere, in the sea, on rocks, in big piles by the path. Very interesting, I like them, they're very photogenic, they look mean & agressive but they're as tame as a little puppy. We set off on our island tour and soon we've found a baby albatros. Anywhere else in the world you would swear the guide has run on ahead and planted the albatross chick, but that's just what you see in the Galapagos (or Galapagous as Fabien would say). Now albatros chicks are huge, they look twice the size of the adults as they're all furry, cute too, in a goofy way. We continue walking to the cliffs on the far side of the island where we see albatross taking off, landing and generally flying around as birds do. Have a little stop there then back along the cliffs, see a big blow hole and lots of courting boobies and nesting albatross. Then down & along the rocky shore & back to the dinghies.
Back on board we're allowed a short break before dinner, which is good and chat with our new Germanic-Aussie friends. Then follows Fabien's briefing on activities for tomorrow, which is actually more of a lecture on the geological history of Galapapous. Which actually turns into a lecture on geology in general, the composition of the earths crust, tectonic plates etc. Bless Fabien for trying but we didn't sign up for this and people are falling asleep all over the place and he's not pleased. With the lecture finally over we're allowed to go back to our cabins. Jo is unconscious within minutes (as she was during the lecture), I have a little potter & play but soon enough I can't keep my eyes open so it's lights off at 10 o/c.
Varieties of finches spotted - 4
Hola, hola goes the call of the early morning Fabien so we freshen ourselves and get down to breakfast. Usual selection of museli, eggs, meat & cheese (not all on the same plate of course). Short break and it's dinghy time and we're off to Floreana Island. Wet landing & a walk along the beach before making our way to an inland salt water lake which is expansive and interesting with the crusty salt outerlayer. We hike further inland until we reach the other side of the island. Have a paddle in the sea looking for stingrays, Fabien does an amusingly camp act pretending he's been stung. We then have a bit of a bit of a paddle, I'm thinking these morning excursions are artificially long as there's not much going on. I suppose they need to tidy up after us but I paid good money and want to constantly see new wildlife. Pretty soon Fabien rounds us up and we're off again, we stop by a little look out point where Fabien gives us another lecture, this time about the mysteries of people who have tried to settle in the Galapagos.
Short rest before we're off again snorkelling, so into the swimmies, chose an ill fitting wetsuit and we're off. Start off by a rocky outcrop called Devils Crown, Fabien is concerned about the current so sticks it in neutral for a minute and says eet ees ok. We jump in 30 seconds apart but end up 100m apart, Jo's trying to swim to the others, I'm trying to swim to her but after a couple of minutes realise we're not going anywhere so drift round the other side. The ever vigilant Robert has spotted an octopus but we can't see it, see lots of fish though and is pretty good. Back in the dinghy and off to the other site nearer the shore. Have a bit of a swim before the ever vigilant Robert spots turtles. Have a great time swimming along with the great sea reptile, get some terrific photos too. All too soon we need to be back the boat for a quick shower before lunch.
We're allowed a short break before settingshort to Post Office Bay back at Floreana Island. I mentioned this tradition after I was contacted by Jon about the street kid project, basically you leave a post card for someone you know to be delivered by someone you don't know (or hobo roulette as Adam rebranded it) or leave the card for someone you do know to pick up later. We all take piles and search through, all call out Germany, Australia, England, all reply "where a bouts?. Jill & Tony and the Germans take one, sadly nothing for us. Leave our cards for New York, Sydney and for project DCR in Ecuador. Next make our way over to the football game going on but I'm not allowed to join in, think they're afraid my silky English skills will show up their South American route one style. Have a little watch then set off snorkelling. Entereing from the beach presents new difficulties as we struggle to get our flippers on, keep our goggles from getting sandy and not fall over. Finally get ourselves together and waddle in like demented penguins until the water is deep enough to flop down. Swim out to the rocks, navigating our way through shallow sections and stumble across another couple of giant sea turtles. We bob in the current with our new reptilian friend and watch as he effortlessly glides through the water. Eventually he swims off and we make our way back to the shore. Pretty soon Fabien emerges victorious from the football and herds us back to the boat.
A sense of relaxation sweeps over the boat as we will be sailing for the next few hours so no deadlines, not for the passengers anyway. Cocktails are enjoyed on the poop deck and lots of general sunning of one's self. Jo and I also take the opportunity of getting the packing done as we know we'll be good for nothing after dinner. That done we enjoy more sun and the some squabbling frigate birds before we're called for an interview (actually everyone is), tempted to make fun and come up with silly answers but can't help being very complimentary about the whole experience, and quite right too. We return to our cabin to find the ever lovely Lizzie has left us a delightful bottle of Chilean red (I think she arranged it rather than boarding the boat James Bond style). Jo and I treat ourselves to a little aperitif, couple of G&Ts and a Pina Colada, maybe a mistake as it's soon time for Fabien's lecture. Fabien lectures us on giant tortoises tonight, there's a nasty moment when he presses back on his Powerpoint and we see how many slides he's got, thankfully he doesn't use them all. Next follows the emotional tipping ceremony with pictures of us hugging the crew, thankfully the ever lovely Lizzie's advice comes in handy when we agree with fellow passengers the "suggested" tip is ridiculas. Dinner shortly, which we enjoy on the poop deck sitting with Tony & Jill and then joined by Robert & Mirriam to share the bottle of wine sent by the ever lovely Lizzie. Sit and chat about random topics like In Bruges and German comediens, Jo is tempted into her Michael Macintyre impression.
It's late now (by Galapagos standards) and following the wine we decide to call it a night and go night nights.
Fabien Dictionairy
Anton - Fabien's nickname on account of his likeness to the camp presenter of Eurotrash
Galapogoose - Fabien's pronounciation of Galapagos
Teniiiiis shoes - sturdy footware
Watchout! - there's something to see, not you're about to fall off a cliff
Hake - height, as in this tree grows to 10m in hake
Lips - leaves, as in watchout the lips on that bush
Varieties of finches spotted - 6
No chance of a lay in as we try to pack as much a possible in the short time before our 10:50 flight back to the mainland. Cases closed & downstairs we join our friends for a brief breakfast before going ashore where we're herded on a bus to another Charles Darwin Centre (he's quite big here). A short walk to the tortoise carals where we get in with some giant 100+ year old giants, then off to meet lonesome George who we spot behind a bush. Look at some cute baby tortoises before our short trip is over and it's time to be herded through the gift shop & back to the bus. It didn't feel right this morning seeing the tortoises in pens after being part of the wildlife throughout the rest of the trip. It has been an amazing tour and will never forget being so close to the animals we saw, I guess I was just hoping to see more, like giant tortoises in the wild and it was swiming with sea turtles that made the difference. Having said all that you chose your trip and should know what to expect.
We're just back on the bus as Fabien casually mentions the fog in Quito and delayed flights. Quite a long journey to the airport but find time for a 5 minute stop at a sink hole (a 100m hole that collapsed after an earthquake). Off the bus, onto a ferry, then back onto another bus on the other side at Baltra and the short trip to the airport. All checked in and Galapagos stamp in the passport say a fond farewell to Fabien with an unexpected hug (well unexpected for him). Fabien then mentions that maybe the flight is delayed by an hour or so. I know I’ve made fun of Fabien’s lectures, his accent, he’s a little too serious at times but he has been a great guide. He is very knowledgeable about all the flora & fauna we’ve seen, ensured we’ve had a full schedule, kept us organised and pretty much on time throughout. We have a wander round the ridiculously priced tat stalls ($30 for a paperback book) but do splash out $8 on some official looking badges. Coffee stop next where we're joined by Robert & Mirriam and later by Tony & Jill. We chat and eat to while away the hours, sounds like Tony has some fascinating stories about his parents escaping the Nazis during the war. Anyhoo, eventually our plane arrives 4 hours late and we gladly board. Uneventful flight while I listen to music and Jo reads Bear. Land in Guayaquil where everyone gets off including our friends continuing on to Quito, their travel frustrations continue. Kiss for Jill & Mirriam and hugs for Tony & Robert (again whether they like it or not) and of course bid them a fond farewell.
A tour rep meets us outside customs with the Hilton driver, we make him check with LAN that we will get boarding passes all the way to London, they assure us we will. Short(ish) trip to the hotel and up to our room, which is a very modern and big room, much nicer than Quito, shame we're only going to be here for 1 hr 45 mins. We had plans for an explore, maybe a swim, maybe a nap in the original 6 hours we were due to spend here, ho hum. Have a coffee and lie on the bed then it's time for a shower and back down again. Have to convince the desk we have a car booked but we're soon on our way and the journey is much quicker as the one way system works in our favour. Get checked in (all the way to Heathrow), pay airport tax and through passport & security. Have a look round the overpriced duty free, still manage to justify getting some stuff. We're on our way to the serenity of the lounge when a busty girl in a mini skirt tries to sell us chocolate, she sulks (saucily) when we decline, I try to flirt, Jo hits me and we continue. Not best usual selection of drinks & food in the lounge, for some reason I pay $7 for a G&T, but they do have comfy sofas. We settle to watch The Teminator with our snacks & drinks before I have a final fag in the integrated smoking lounge (civilised these Latin Ameicans) while I update the blog. Soon we're called so we dash for the flight, which is actually 2mins away. We start queueing in the elephant’s trunk so I go check, because we can't possibly queue. Turns out we were being called for a random security bag check and I'm ushered to the cargo bay to queue up with my case to be searched by narcotics officers. I'm standing for ages getting more and more frustrated as the officers turf out everyones bags, cut open the various bags of sugar, flour, cereals they have for some reason stuffed in their baggage, they even sniff & taste it like they do in the movies. I'm standing there thinking, well I hardly saw our cases since they left the boat. I start thinking about Midnight Express and how Ecuador would not be high on my list to spend time in prison. I have also worked out it's Jo's case so maybe I can get her to take the rap. Finally it is my turn, I'm seething but figure its best to have my passport ready & locks off the cases, act pleasant to get it done as soon as possible (that and I've worked out my escape route across the runway). He's fairly pleasant as he sifts through Jo's underwear and personal battery appliances but doesn't find the kilo of cocaine I've hidden in the bags of Galapagos coffee. Ordeal over and jog back to the plane through another 15 pointless checks and finally I'm seated with a glass of champagne.
We're soon up in the air and served an excellent steak dinner with more champagne. We're a bit out of sorts with all the faff, it's getting quite late too, we plan to watch a film but Jo dozes off while I update the blog. Realise there's no point waking Jo so decide to pack down myself. Have an excellent night sleep in the excellent LAN flat beds as I am awakened from my slumber at the unheard of time of 8:05 with the offer of breakfast (I assume that's what the stewardess was offering me). Omlette and croissants later we chat and read the blog until the excellent staff ask us to turn off at the last minute before landing. The staff thank us for chosing LAN (as they do), not sure what other choice we had but we have been very pleased with the airline, excellent unfussy staff, good food, nice cabins and very comfortable seats / beds. Entertainment system maybe not the best but with the array of audio / visual entertainment on the iPad I hardly noticed.
Varieties of finches spotted - 8
Thanks Banu, Jo was sorry to have missed you but hopes to pop round to see you over the next week or so (if you’ll have her)
We land in Madrid and trot off the plane, through the various security checks in the 10km hike to Euro terminals, pretty painless as there is no one around. We begin to think there was some sort of security threat in our week of news black-out. Immigration is empty but I decide we must use the automated checks, which doesn’t work for me so we have to go to the desk anyway. Eventually reach terminal H, check the board to find out we have a 2 hour delay on top of the 3 hour stop over, now departing at 9:21pm. Toy with the idea of heading into Madrid but considering the journey we’ve had we’re bound to get delayed somewhere, anyhoo would probably spend more time travelling than seeing anything. Decide to have a mooch round the shops as there’s plenty in the lovely modern Madrid terminal, but we’re not really in the mood so after a brief browse of some electronic store we head for the lounge. Find a VIP lounge but it’s for ordinary people to pay but the helpful attendant directs us to the Iberia lounge. Nice guy on the Iberia desk offers words of sympathy of our delay as he directs us through to the excellent lounge where we get settled on comfy chairs overlooking the hub-ub of the terminal. I make an extensive selection from the excellent array of food on offer and, of course, fix myself a G&T. Jo by contrast is very reserved, just a glass of olives and lemonade. Struggle with the “free” Wi-Fi for a while before settling to update the blog and play Angry Birds. I’m just considering charging the iPad (except I’ve only got a US style charger) when Jo checks the board and our flight has moved back to on time, so we have about 10 mins until the gate opens. We drink up and jog off.
There’s a queue at the gate as the board changes from boarding to last call without any sign of moving as the scheduled time of departure comes and goes. Eventually we set off, well until half way down the elephant’s trunk where we’re back in another queue. Finally get seated and take off an hour later than originally planned but an hour earlier than the previous delay. Nice comfortable flight, similar meal to our Iberia flight out, Jo realises the offending cucumber ring is actually courgette which is apparently ok. We listen to the final episode of “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue” and an XFM podcast with Ardal O'Hanlon, where Jo dozes off. Soon we see the familiar lights of London and we’re landing at Heathrow. Quick off, chilly in the elephant’s trunk and whizz through security and we’re at the baggage carousel in about 10 minutes and 30 seconds later our cases come out! We’re off to the bus stop and soon in the car park. No handy Terminal 5 valet parking so we have to hunt for the car, which duly moans at us because we still haven’t changed the headlight. Smooth run round the M25, quick stop at the South Mimms services (shouldn’t have bothered Starbucks was closed) and home at midnight.
Another truly memorable adventure holiday, so many special sights, events and people along the way. The journey there and back was a bit of a marathon, but with virtually no direct flights to South America you can’t really odds that. We were really impressed with LAN, as I said excellent unfussy staff and nice modern cabins. Not so impressed with Iberia but maybe that was just unlucky with the busy London – Madrid route. Inca trail was a great experience, a real challenge and a real sense of achievement in completing. My first experience of camping, confirming I do prefer 5 star hotels to a nylon 2 man tent. Also confirming how truly legendary the porters are. Machu Picchu was awe inspiring, a vast site where you really get a sense of how special a place it is and the events that once took place there. Galapagos again was more than I imagined, maybe I was expecting to see more varieties of animals but was more than compensated by how we could just mingle with the ones we did see (apart from poor Lonesome George & his friends, penned in corals). Plenty of birds too but sorry Mr Charles Darwin, the finches are just not that photogenic. While most of the time was spent on classic tours we enjoyed our first taste of South America. Cusco more Andean (& understandably more tourist) but Quito definitely had the Latin feel. The quality of the organisation from the ever fragrant Lizzie really took any hint of bother out of the whole tour. I usually take care of all the arrangements and was surprised how much I enjoyed being picked up by the guide with all boarding passes already printed. Finally, the friends we made along the way was a real highlight. Generally because we’re independent travellers we never connect with anyone. However, meeting Roberto, Katie & Tony on the Inca trail and Tony & Jill / Robert & Miriam on The Anahi was a great addition and hope to keep in contact for many trips to come.
As always good to be home where we can see our families and do our own thing.
A lot of photos to get through, as always, so I will trim them down and update with new improved ones on the various sites when I get chance. So check back if you can or review when the next instalment comes round.
Number or flights - 9
Distance travelled - 25,633 km
Modes of transport - 8 (car, plane, mini-van, feet, train, bus, dinghy, catamaran, ferry)
Distance trekked - 32km
Time on the trail - 73 hrs
Max altitude - 4,200m
Varieties of finches spotted - 8
Not sure you'll get much sympathy with it being 30C in Sydney Becky but it is lovely to be back in Whistler & at the Westin.
Yes Dave, yet more M&Ms will be coming home with me.
Thank you Danny, I like the Allan Wicker gentleman traveller comparison.
Up at 7:30 for what should be a pretty relaxing preparation to our holiday. Breakfast and quick watch of the cricket, turn off when we're 127/8, still at least we won the Ashes. The rest of the morning disappeared swapping things from one case to another (our new Snow + Rock bag was working out very well with boots, helmets & related gear until it weighed in at 25kg), our first trip to Whistler with our new skis. Few other jobs & usual OCD checking everything. Set off at 12:50, quick run to terminal 5 valet parking (didn't fancy wrestling the skis on the bus). Quick check in at the ever efficient T5, dropped our skis off with a chap who promised he'd "get rid of them for us", presume he meant he would lovingly take them to the plane personally. Jog through security, whizz round the duty free then off to the lounge where we have excellent curry, followed by a G&T and Jo hogging the iPad. Soon it's time to head off to the gate, Jo's a little antsy as she thinks we wont have time to enjoy our champagne. We get settled in our seats & do enjoy our champagne before taking off pretty much on time.
Have a G&T and play on the iPad now I've wrestled it off Jo before dinner. Dinner is excellent, complimented nicely with the Kir Royal (a bit gay perhaps, which is fine). After dinner we settle down to watch a film from the extensive BA library, after much debate settle on The Expendibles, which turns out to be utter, utter drivel! No story, dumb dialogue, terrible acting, we struggle to stay awake through the steaming turd of a film. Pack down after the film as there's only 4 hours to go, which means they'll be bringing us round more food in about 10 mins. Manage to get some rest & a little shut eye before afternoon tea is served, cucumber sandwiches, scones & tea, very English, very nice. Then before you know it we've touched down at Vancouver. All very smooth through various checks, cases out quick, little wait for the skis before we're met by our driver chap. Usual pleasant run through the city, then a little snooze during the long dark bit. Arrive at The Westin around 9 where we're whisked up to our room. We're in the East tower this time, not sure if we like it more or less, all still lovely though. Unpack, order room service and settle down for the night.
Ok Aga you and Becky can escape the heat of Sydney and come stay with us in Whistler
Sorry Ad, didn't realise Expendibles was such a favourite, must be cause you're all action. Maybe I'll watch Ghost on the way home.
Woke up a few times but not a bad night sleep, although felt vey strange having no windows in the bedroom. Dragged ourselves up around 7:30, watched a bit of resort TV while getting ready, then down to breakfast. We limit ourselves to three (fairly) reserved courses and discuss switching rooms. We agree that although the bigger lounge is nice we're not liking the box bedroom, I think it goes back to my childhood when my parents kept me in a room with no windows (when I say room, of course I mean the box they kept me in). Reception was fine with switching us, showed us another room the same layout we're used to and we're much happier, as they say in Yorkshire, change is not good. We pack up our room, leave our cases for transfer and head off to get our lift tickets & to the supermarket. Walk down to the big IGA at the bottom of the village, get usual breakfast supplies, I choose & grind my coffee (always a highlight of Whistler). Load up bags which get very heavy on the journey back and break but manage to keep it together. Our cases are waiting patiently for us when we arrive at our new room, we quickly unpack again and feel much happier with a bedroom with windows (and TV for watching in bed!). Only time for a little rest before our afternoon lift ticket start, unlike last year when we watched Dirty Dancing 2 to kill time (hmm maybe Ad's right about my film tastes).
Head off, pick up our skis, have a chat to guys from Perth & Kendal at the ski valet and one from Brisbane in the cable car (usual shortage of Canadians here). Get off at the Roundhouse and set off for some blue runs (Little Red Run & Franz) to warm up, Jo's not feeling confident (which is unusual) so we stick to blues for a while, Whiskey Jack, Ptarmigan and up Big Red Express (or The Holmes Express as it will now be known). Jo's feeling much more confident so we tackle some blacks down Dave Murray & Bear Paw, very fast runs, as usual I'm faster & more confident than I should be with my ability. After a few more runs we head up Harmony for the run down to the village along Harmony Ridge were I aim for a spectacular sliding stop but hit some powder and achieve a spectacular face plant. Anyhoo, smooth fast run down to the village, drop our skis off then coffee & cookie, Jo watches rubbish while I blog before getting ready for dinner.
Manage to peel ourselves off the sofa for a shower & dress for dinner. Head out to The Keg, have beer & steak and everything is as it should be. Pop into the supermarket to get some duct tape to fix my helmet headphones (nothing you can't do with duct tape, just ask The Mythbusters). Browse a couple of shops, chat to a guy about how polite skiers are in Canada & how rude they are in Europe. Get home, fix headphones go to bed.
Photo count - erm 2
Fall count - Rob 2 (1 over a jump, 1 face plant)
Another rather restless night but at least we had a window to know that it was the middle of the night (as well the clock). Dragged it out till 7:30, when we got up, had breakfast of oatmeal & cranberries (it's a super food you know) and some toast. Get ourselves together and head out to the Blackcomb gondola. Pistes really quiet, runs still perfectly groomed and hardly a soul in sight. Chat to a mountain guide who advises us to head over to 7th heaven which is bathed in sunshine. So we head off to the Solar Coaster, the Pistes look so good we have to have a run down before heading off. Great fast run down Cruiser, I head off the Black Magic, a nasty black mogul. Things go well at the top, horibly wrong in the middle, then ok at the end. Head up to 7th Heaven and it is indeed lovely. We take a selection of the excellent Blues mixed with some off piste rough stuff for the rest of the morning. It's a glorious day, sun is shining, sky is blue and we have a lovely morning skiing. Head over to the Rendezvous for lunch ready for our lesson. Get a coffee & tea and have our cereal bar, which Jo shares with a Whiskey Jack.
Assemble at the lesson point, meet up with instructor Andre and older Kiwi fellow who will be joining us for our lesson. Do a couple of runs down then head for the Blackcomb glacier, via a lift, T bar & trek up hill. Run down the bowl while Andre drills into us, take slow round turns, keep your hands up, uphill shoulder down, drag your poles in the snow, downhill hand by tour knee, uphill hand out in front. I'm hoping he's going to let us into the secrets of doing moguls but I guess his point is that the right technique will get you through anything. Ski along about 100km of road back to the Solar Coaster. A few more runs down piste, off piste & easy moguls with more telling off from Andre, who makes everything look ridiculasly easy. Soon it's time to say goodbye to Andre & kiwi Quinten. We head off down for another couple of runs, practicing our technique. Fast run down Stoker, some icy mogul blacks (Sorcerer), actually more sucessfully, then back up for the last run of the day. Down in the village we book our fresh tracks for tomorrow, drop our skis off & up to the room. Little rest & change then down to the spa. Adopt the tried & tested sauna, hot tub, sauna resigme. Back in the room, shower and treat ourselves to Milo & cookies while watching tripe on TV.
After subjecting ourselves to Everyone Loves Raymond & King of Queens we've lapsed into a stupor and decide we just can't manage the trauma of going out tonight. Order pizza, eat pizza while watching even more tripe (Two & a Half Men to be precise). Pop into bed to watch staggeringly more tripe (haven't found Robot Chicken yet). Pack down about 9:30 but Jo's been asleep pretty much since we got in bed.
Fall count Rob 2 (Black moguls & cut up by boarder)
Thank you Rachael, have you seen Expendibles, are you with me or Ad? Very proud of you, have you been supervising this week?
Well Tom Mix (whoever you are) as we're not professional skiers, it is actually a holiday. Oh it would be great though to ski all the time & get paid for it.
Up at 6 (holiday huh), orange juice, wash, dressed and out early to fresh tracks. Jump in the cable car and into the Roundhouse for breakfast. Bell goes to signal the mountain is open but we still have one course to go, it's all good so we stay a little while. Set off for Goat's Gully but don't find it, back up set off for Jimmy's Joker, don't find it, back up, find Jimmy's Joker and it's a great groomed fast black. Up to the peak, take a few photos but after 4 years there is a limit to how many peak photos we need, even pass up the iconic Inuit statue. Head off along Burnt Stew trail and over to Symphony where we spend most of the day. Lots of gladed runs, off piste rough stuff & through the trees, some powder too but not too fresh. Finally tear ourselves away from Symphony, I take the black off the top (Piccolo Face), it's virtical & the light is flat, Jo is waving frantically, I figure she's just being friendly but turns out she was trying to warn me about the rocks. Anyhoo, manage to get down without getting into trouble, although I am in trouble with Jo. Ski down to The Chic Pea for a coffee & chocolate break and a chance for Jo to get chatted up by a fat American guy. Run down Bear Paw (one of our favourite blacks), then time for one more before we set off for the village run. I choose Seppo's, a bit of a rough black. It gets rougher the further we go until it's impossible to tell if we're on piste or not. Jo's finding it really tough at the end of the day, I say we can make this our ski out, bloody right she says and I'm heading off to the piste over there. Ski down to the village, I offer to carry Jo's skis to make up for dragging down Seppo's, which I do for about 10m until we see our friend from Kendal at the Westin ski valet.
Back in the room we have some Milo & cookies while watching Family Guy, the one where Stewie gets Brian to eat his poop out of his diaper. Bit more poop on TV while I blog and we rest before working up the energy to go out to dinner.Tonight we're having Mongolian grill, which we enjoy very much, washed down with a couple of honey lagers. Shops are closed on the way back, must be something to do with it being so quiet. It is really quiet too, Pistes are really empty (which is great), not much going on in the village either even with Whistler pride week there are very few gays in the village. Grab some ice cream on the way home and enjoy in front of IRT Deadliest Roads in bed before night nights.
Smoke count 3
Fall count Rob 2 (couple of silly falls in the pow)
Struggle to make it through till the alarm, might have to go to bed a bit later. Delicious oatmeal breakfast with resort TV, no rush to get out today as it's pouring with rain in the village. Judging by how lush & green British Columbia is I'm guessing it rains quite a lot but we've never seen it before. Venture out about 9:30, head up the Blackcomb gondola, it rains the whole way up and still raining when we switch to the Excellorator chair, it rains most of the way up. We're figuring we're gonna have to get pretty high before we're out of the cloud. Head across 7th Avenue, then take Angel Dust, a black mogul made all the more narly with the fresh snow, we make it down to the chair without too much trouble. Weather starts to clear as we go up 7th Heaven Express, but when we get to the top it's blowing a gale, snowing, a complete white out. Along the ridge littered with bumps from snow drift and down Hughes Heaven without being able to see the glove in front of your face let alone the piste markers, clears up as we get back to 7th Ave and down to the lift. Being gluttons for punishment we head back up and do it all again except we take Angel Dust again to the lift, then on to The Rendezvous. Visibility is better here but still a mixture of snow & rain. We run down Springboard (blue) twice & I take the mogul blacks Scorcerer & Freefall (the latter vey appropriately named). Back up to the Peak to Peak, we have the gondola to ourselves as all the fair weather skiers have given up for the day. On Whistler mountain we head down to our favourite, The Chic Pea for a well earned lunch. Once inside we strip off our soaking kit (within reason), Jo is wet through to her base layer, my Schoffel kit is fairing better with the torrential rain & wind. Warm ourselves up with our all time favourite Moroccan Beef Stew & naan. Figure we might as well get a few more runs in as we have to put our wet kit back on again. After attacking fresh powder & vertical moguls all day with some style, I ski 10m from the Chick Pea and fall over, must be the stew weighing me down. Take the blues Old Crow & Ptarmigan down to the Garbanzo lift, I suggest Seppo's again as we pass over on the chair, Jo's not impressed. Down Orange Peel & Bear Paw then back up for the run home down Dave Murray (a great black run), into Tokem, Crabapple and the village run home.
Drop our skis off at the valet, up to the room to dry everything in front of the fire and down to the sauna. After admiring the incredibly toned bird in the sauna we head up for a shower & into the jammies. Watch the news for a bit before heading out to the shops before dinner. Pop into Eco Tours to book our night zip trek for Saturday, served by a guy from Cardiff. Look in a few of our favourite shops but don't see anything we fancy, guess there is a limit to how much outdoor clothing we need. Sushi Village is the lucky restaurant tonight, we sit up at the bar, couple of Asahis, tempura, gyoza, yakatori & some sushi. Again we're feeling some what stuffed but it was so good (only left the fish eggs). Wander back across the square, get a pair of socks each from O-Canada in the hotel lobby. Finally upstairs at 9 o/c and time for some TV in bed.
Fall count - Rob 1 (stew related)
smoke count - 3
Better night after falling asleep while watching Resident Evil Extinction (it's all the bloody adverts). Cinnamon Toast for breakfast this morning while listening to Dave Berry's podcast. Checking the weather forecast it's rain, rain and more rain. Having finally managed to dry all our kit and yesterday's experience where everything below mid mountain was rain & everything above was a white out, we decide to use today as our day off rather than tomorrow. Pop round to the zip trek people who happily change our booking to today and off for a look round the shops. Go round our usual favourites, North Face shop & admire the $1,000 Everest summit suit, few funny t shirts, Jo says I should get one that says "Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation", get some great gifts for the kids. Go into Luleman to get some more of their excellent track pants, girl asks me if I've tried on any of their pants before, I say I'm in your pants right now, goes right over her head. Otherwise we're falling short of the usual high standard of gifts. Duck into BigBucks for a little latte and over to the supermarket to top up on supplies. Drop the supplies off at the hotel & off for a pub lunch, Jo has goulash, I have a halibut burger. Little rest in the room & a watch of Kung Fu Panda on the iPad before it's time to head out again.
Meet up & get kitted up for our night zip trek. Short bus ride up to the first zip where I volunteer to go first, Jo follows soon after. It's a bit tame but they get progressively longer & faster, added to by my desire to do all of them upside down & spinning round. Jo is a little more apprehensive at stepping out into the blackness but she takes it all in her stride as usual. Chat to some of the other zippers, one is a firefighter, Jo comments (to me) that he doesn't really have the physique for it, I have to tell her that it's just in the calendars they look like that. Anyhoo, a fun evening and the guys were really good. Back in town, drop our stuff off then out to dinner. Decide on Brandys, the bar underneath The Keg. We have a couple of Canadians & tuck into some bar food while watching the Vancouver Turtlenecks vs Chicago Bearfanciers. Head back through the village, seems a bit busier, must be the run up to the weekend. Back in our room & we're in the PJs before you know it. Watch An Idiot Aboard before heading for nighty nights.
Up at the usual 7 o/c, usual delicious oatmeal & toast breakfast. Get our butts in gear and out to the lifts. Busier today as the weekend skiers come up from Vancouver & surrounding area, we have to queue up for the gondola and don't have it to ourselves. Have an amusing conversation with our cabin mates as I try to think of a new fruit to call the Big Apple in email to Adam, settle on Big Pommegranite with help on the spelling. We're in cloud as we reach& travel up the Excellorator chair. Horrible run down to the Glacier Express, lots of hard ice. Up to the Blackcomb glacier & the weather is clearer & visibility much better, so we spend the rest of the morning up there. Take the Crystal Traverse with some off piste adventures followed by the blacks, Dakine, The Bite, Straight Shot & Heavenly Basin, all very icy & not a great deal of fun, still the off piste was good. Head off to refuel at The Crystal Hut with coffee / tea, Elevenses bar & Mars / Twix then we're ready to tackle the afternoon. 7th Heaven is the destination so traverse over to the Express and the weather is gorgeous up there. Run down Panorama, well the off piste alongside where the pow is pow not ice. Venture on to Everglades & Sunburn, kinda semi-piste blacks which we complete with some aplomb before struggling down the terribly icy Angel Dust & back to the Express. Take a couple of runs around Cloud 9, mainly off piste, find some nice gladed powder runs. It's gone 3 on our last run so it's time to pick our way down, along 7th Ave to the Rendezvous, down Springboard, Mainline & the village run home, I can't face any more icy blacks at the end of the day.
Short jog back to our room where we strip off & relax in front of the TV, watch some Family Guy then one of our favourite Canadian programmes, Mantracker. Shower, dressed and out for a Saturday night curry. Have a excellent din with spinach chicken palak, chan & dal. Wander back through the busy village, Jo treats me to a new green mid layer from Saloman, bless her. Watch Blade 2 in bed & then sleepy byes.
Fall count Rob 1 (in the pow), Jo 2 (1 in the pow, 1 standing still)
Smoke count 3
Thanks Alex for the encouragement & advice, I will adopt the tree hugging position from now on.
Nice sitting on the fence Rachael so not to upset Adam or me, glad you like the pictures
Arrise at 7:30, oatmeal breakfast with the dulcit tones of Dave Berry, while the snow falls outside our window. Wash, stretch & haul ourselves out to the lift, we're going up Whistler today. Annoying Aussie & northern family in the gondola, Aussie asks if they're from London, I'm appauled, that anyone could think this bunch of icky thump were from London. Up at mid station & it's snowing harder. Take a trip through the fresh powder on Franz's Meadows (black), then onto Upper Franz & round to the Holmes Express. Next it's Banna Peel onto the powder moguls of Wild Card, then around to the same run again onto Jimmy's Joker. Down to the Garbanzo where we tackle Raven then up to deal with Bear Paw before lunch. It's been snowing all morning, there's lots of powder adding another dimension to the blacks but also making the greens flat & lumpy, all in all pretty tough on the legs. We figure we'rve earned our Morrocan beef stew at the Chic Pea. Back up to The Roundhouse and it's snowing hard & blowing a gale. Decide it's too late & too windy to head for the peak so whizz down GS & over to Harmony. Up to Harmony & it's a complete white out, glad we didn't go to the peak. Pick our way down the traverse and onto Harmony Ridge, it's a pow-tastic run down once we're out of the wind. Get to the chair & Jo's legs are burning so she sends me back up Harmony before it shuts. Weather hasn't improved but it's not too bad on the ridge, so I decide to tackle Boomer Bowl & my nemisis from last season, Gun Barrels. It's just as tough as I remember, vertical moguls 2 ski lengths wide. Jo has de ja vu watching me from the Harmony hut, I fair much better but it is bloody tough. Run along Sidewinder then up the Emerald Express for the last run of the day. Quieter on the mountain this afternoon, partly due to the weather, partly cause I guess the septics have gone off to watch the Fruit Bowl which is on this evening. Take one of our favourite powder blacks, Dranz's Meadows, then on to Crabapple for the run home. Bored with the relative ease of the blues I decide to take the jumps on the side of the piste, end up falling on my head (it hurts). Back in the village, relatively unharmed, quick pitstop in our room then out to change Jo's top, get our fresh tracks for tomorrow & a coffee / hot chocolate.
Have a rest with our hot drinks while watching some awful programme called Fear Factor where they make couples do horrible things for money. Showered & dressed ready for our evening in the Bavarian Schnitzel house. I wear my Bavarian neckerchief we got in Munchen but in vain as there are no Gemans in there, good schnitzel though & good weissbier too. I order a litre & it's huge (over 1l acually), Jo says I dont have to finish it, I say I might as well wear a dress (which would be fine). Wander back through the village, pop into a shop to get my "Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation" t shirt and the shop is full of Germans, have a nice little chat then head on home. Relax in front of Mythbusters, I hope Jo doesn't have ideas cause I am so full of schnitzel & weissbier! Cup of tea then it's sleepy time.
Fall count Rob 2 (1 skiing backwards, 1 over jumps, on my head)
Stats
Distance covered 58km
Descended 3,789m
Ave speed 12.8km/h
Max speed 60km/h
Up at 6 for fresh tracks but we're a bit sluggish out of the traps today and there's a bit of a queue for the gondola. Have a little debate & decide we're not going to get our moneys worth so grab some breakfast and get back for when the lift starts proper. Find a little bakery & consume a light crepe breakfast then back to the gondola for 8:30 and early on the mountain. Start with some runs on Franz's Meadows, Upper Franz & over to Ptarmigan. Head for the peak as Peak to Creak is one of the runs of the day but the queue is humungous (or average for Europe). Decide to do the whole Dave Murrary all the way to Creekside. It's good & steep at the beginning, mogully in the middle and icy on the lower section. I imagine I'm Bodie Miller as I hit a top speed of 77km/h, it's a little scary. Quick waz in Creekside then back up. Head back over to the Peak Chair and the queue is much better. Good run down the Upper Peak to Creek, gets lumpy & a bit icy on the middle rollers and an icy run in. It's a great long run, about 7km (although I got some different readings on the GPS) and is an absolute leg killer. Pop into Dusty for some lunch, I try a root beer, it's disgusting so I share Jo's lemonade, treat ourselves to Warrior burgers, they are good.
Back up to the peak where we do the top section together then Jo heads down Highway 86 while I tackle the Peak to Creek again. Try to find the blacks off the lower section, don't but it's challenging enough. Back up to the peak again, where we do The Saddle, then down through Franz & back up the Holmes express for the last run of the day. We take Whiskey Jack, Upper Dave Murray, Tokem, Crabable, Northern Lights & into the village. Drop our skis at the valet, grab a coffee & back to our room for a flump in front of the TV. Watch Wipeout & Dr Who before shower and decide where to waddle for dinner. Check out Earls but they have an unacceptable 30 min wait so opt for The Mongolian Grill. Going for a lighter dinner after burger lunch but still somehow manage to collect 500 grams of food. Nice meal but the waiter was a useless dufus (Jo's words). Glance in the Helly Hansen store on the way back, don't get anything. It's practically midnight when we get home at 9pm. A bit of telly in bed before it's time to pack down for the night.
Fall count Rob 0 - Jo 0
Smoke count - 2
Stats
Dave Murray - 4km (distance), 77.2km/h (top speed), 15.8km/h (average speed)
Peak to Creek - 5.5km, 69.1km/h, 14.2km/h
Home Run - 12,km 79.7Km/h, 12.6km/h
Up at 6 again today, but today we are not sluggish, we get out to the gondola just as it's opening and up to The Roundhouse in time for a beautiful sunrise. Half way through breakfast they ring the bell to signal the mountain is open but we are not to be hurried. Finish up, get ourselves kitted against the cold (it's going to be -14C on the peak today). Take a couple of runs down the blues to get the legs warmed up until Symphony opens. Head over to Harmony as soon as it opens, good fast run down GS, clock a top speed of 78km/h. Up Harmony again, I decide to tackle the leg sapping Boomer Bowl & treacherous Gun Barrels. Back to the top of Harmony just as Symphony finally opens. Spend the rest of the glorious morning skiing bowls, off-piste and through the trees, truly a skiers delight. Take one run down piste so Jo can film me, go good & fast and showing lots of style, turn to smile at the camera just as I come up to a steep roller and crash out in the middle of the piste & under the lift line (mysteriously the footage goes missing).
Head over to the Harmony Hut for a cup of tea & chocolate, it's very small & very full so ski down to our favourite The Chic Pea. Suitably warmed up & refuelled we head out for the afternoon. Up to the peak and down The Saddle, back up for the last peak lift of the day & down Upper Peak to Creek, grab a little off-piste on the way. Down to the Holmes Express for the last mid mountain lift of the day and prepare for the run home, just as the sun is setting. Take Whiskey Jack, Orange Peel then the excellent & steep blacks Dave Murray & Bear Paw, followed by a good fast run into the village. Quick stretch in the room before warming up in the spa. Jo gets chatting with the incredibly toned bird in the sauna, no menage a trois but do establish she is the incredibly toned Aussie bird from previous years (sorry Craig, still no photo). Back to the room for some Milo and watch of Jackass before venturing out for dinner. Do a little shopping on the way to The Brewhouse where we settle with a couple of Liffty Lagers. I mention that Emily our waitress smells nice, Jo reacts like I slept with her (don't quite understand this). She says she smells like fish as Emily returns with two cod & chips. Stroll back through the village, walk through the O Canada shop in the hotel for a short cut, pretend to be interested in stuff as usual. Jo is in the Jammies & in bed before I've even brushed my teeth. More than likely we'll both fall asleep with the TV still on.
Rob fall 1, smoke 2
Lack of other stats as didn't charge my GPS watch properly
Struggle out of bed at 7:30, oatmeal & the last of the cranberries & syrup. A little later our this morning but still get to the gondola at a respectable 9:30, heading up Blackcomb today. Take the relatively easy blue Cruiser to warm up, then the long & fast blue Springboard, I really must watch out for the drops at the end of the runs as nearly come a cropper a couple of times. Jo talks us into taking a grotesquely icy mogul black Sorcerer down to the lift. Back up & take the fast, steep black Catskinner, I'm not quite warmed up & only manage 74km/h. Along Expressway where Jo has a nasty fall looking over the edge at one the gladed runs, I have to clamber down to get her skis off before we're on our way. Round to 7th Heaven where we spend most of the rest of the day. Jo has a nasty fall on Cloud Nine, somehow managing to lose both skis & land on her front. Run down mainly on piste as Jo gets her legs back. From then on we snub the piste to pick our way through powder, tree runs & mogul fields. I keep insisting on taking Angel Dust into the lift even though it's filled with giant man eating moguls. Stop at the Hortsman Hut for a bowl of goulash, which is so hot I nearly cry.
Fairly easy run down after lunch to avoid being sick. Split up on the final run down as Jo fancies the piste while I want to charge down the off- piste mogul fields as fast & hard as possible. Meet Jo at the lift, which is still running (even though it's 3:15) but Jo fancies a wee, so I head up for one final challenge. Make a fairly passable attempt at Angel Dust. Ski round to the Solar Coaster, which again is running well passed closing, call Jo from my helmut (the Bluetooth attachment Jo bought me that also works with my Walkman). Meet Jo at the Redezvous (how fitting), it's so late the piste bashers have started so we plan our route down. Take on Catskinner again, I choose the gladed black So Sweet, Jo takes the piste. I recommend the black Gearjammer, Jo reluctantly agrees. It is a vertical monster of sheet ice, I attack with gusto, leaping into turns jamming my edge into the ice, feeling all macho, Jo, I think, finds it a pain in the ass at the end of the day. Into the relative ease of the blue runs in, down Stoker, I'm going a bit fast & fly over the end of the run, I can feel myself going down for a heavy fall but just manage to bring my skis round in time & carry on. Make it to the village at 4:30, it's practically deserted, we must be one of the last down. Up to the room for a rest a watch of rubbish on TV.
Fall count Rob 0 - Jo 4 (1 on the flat, 1 on the piste, 2 in the trees)
Wake up about 7:30, bit of a laze before breakfast, no ski on our last day as the mean Westin won't extend our room past 2 o/c, even though our hall is empty. Wander down to breakfast where I enjoy the works, including eggs benedict (I'm having withdrawal), the waiter foolishly tries to take Jo's tea away. Up to the room & get most of the packing done, pretty efficient even if we say so ourselves. Head out for our shopping for all the things we've been scouting for all week. Get an excellent collection in the tourist shop, maple cookies for work from the supermarket, then onto Saloman & the hotel shops. Send Jo up to pack the goodies while I double back for a couple of lattes from Starbucks. Enjoy our coffee with the last of the chocolate chip cookies while watching Mantracker. Get our bags collected & check out, where we hear that Tom Jones is coming in today. Settle down in the lounge for an hour until our driver is due to collect us, Jo is like a meerkat every time someone comes through the door. Bill duly arrives on time at 3:15 & we're soon on our way. Enjoy the spectacular scenery on the Sea to Sky highway while Jo catches flies. Check in at the airport where we have our ski bag thoroughly searched, which anoys Jo after all her careful packing. Straight through to the lounge where the usual serenity is spoiled by a huge group of older Americans (could be Canadians) whooping every 10 seconds. Anyhoo enjoy the sandwiches & gin until it's time to mosey over the the adjacent gate.
Before too long it's time to climb on board our 747 and relative calm is restored. Take off pretty much on time, decide to start our film choice asap to avoid falling asleep. We go for 127 Hours, an excellent film, without question the self amputation scene is pretty grim but not too long, the rest full of clever immagery and you really identify with the character. Dinner is pretty good, lemon curd tart is not Jo's favourite but it think it's pretty darn good. Takes me a while to get off, then as usual I'm sound asleep when breakfast comes round. More than adequately fed, get freshened up & ready for landing. Passport control is frustrating, two people checking passports & two more checking that the automatic readers are working properly. Apart from that all very smooth, our cases are the first 4 off & no separate ski area. Grab our car from the valet and we're on our way round the sticky Friday afternoon M25 traffic.
Another wonderful trip to Whistler, mostly quiet on the piste & in the village and all very comforting & efficient knowing exactly how everything works. Our skiing continues to progress and enjoyed a lot more off piste & free skiing than ever before. Same again next year me thinks.
As the next day or so will centre around planes & airport lounges, I'll indulge myself with a little wedding talk. We enjoyed two glorious days of sunshine & celebrations. I have been saying for the past 9 months that it was this honeymoon I was looking forward to & the wedding was a necessary step. I must admit that despite or my brovado & complaining, I really enjoyed it. Jo was absolutely stunning both days, as we're my girls, all three especially on Saturaday, great to have James with us on Friday too. Everything went without hitch, perfectly organised by Jo, her mum, Jemma, Heidi & others. As cliched as it sounds, it was truly special to see so many of our friends & family there too, I think my mum & Mascall have a thing going. The band were fantastic and I so enjoyed dancing to Muse's interpretation of Can't Take My Eyes off You with Jo, The Subways Rock & Roll Queen with Kayla and The You & Me Song by The Wannadies with Rachael. Anyhoo, enough of my wedding indulgence!
Picked up at 8:30 by our driver & former Idi Armin soldier. Amazingly quick & scenic trip though London. Got to Heathrow T3 in plenty of time, last few fags, check-in & through security. Quick pop round the shops for last minute chocolate & accessories, then on to the lounge where we have our first disappointment of the trip, we're refused access to the BA lounge, even with my silver card! Guess we've always flown BA or their partners. Have to settle for cheese & biscuits in the generic lounge. Gate is 2 mins away (nice change from the usual 2 hours), short wait then we're onboard & upstairs.
Get settled, very nice on Thai & we're soon on our way. Flight path takes us over western & eastern Europe, Himalayas & south east Asia, skies are clear, should be some great scenery if I can stay awake. Thai airlines force us to endure 4 courses & 4 glasses of champagne before our desert, coffee & Kahlua turns up, fortunately we get our 3rd hot towel to recover. Settle down to Transformers - Dark of the Moon. Lots of action, new girl is hot, hot, hot but with the risk of upsetting Holmes again, it's drivel. Realise that although the scenery may be spectacular, it's night so time for beddy byes. Its warm & not that late in England but we both manage some sleep. With an hour 45 to landing, breakfast is served, we both go for the traditional Thai sausage & egg followed by croissant. Jo watches Gordon Ramsey, I watch some pretentious Canadians backpacking round Bangladesh. The guy infront reminds me of John Candy, not just cause he's a fat American but because he constantly plays with his seat, the whole journey. Unfortunately he doesn't end up with his face pressed up against the seat in front (although that was Steve Martin).
Land safely in Bangkok, short walk & find our bearings before the second disaster of the trip, there's no Marlboro in the duty free and Thai fags have horrible pictures on them (Jo points out thats kinda the point). Soon we're in the sanctuary of the Royal Silk lounge for our 3 hour stopover.
That's fine Rach, just try to clean up the sick after you this time.
A rather pleasant 3 hours or so whiled away in the lounge at Bangkok, blog site maintenance, Facebook & zombie killing. We resist the sizeable buffet right until the end when we give in to a muffin. Jump aboard flight to Kathmandu, all very nice. Watch Bad Teacher, one hot Cameron Diaz scene otherwise utterly forgettable. Thai limit us to only 4 courses for lunch, still manage 2 glasses of champagne, not bad for 11 o/c in the morning. Rest of the flight is pretty uneventful, until we get our first sight of the Himalayas. Make a real effort to be ahead of the pack as we arrive at Kathmandu and it pays dividends as the queue grows & grows behind us at the visa on entry desk. Funny little trio with the obvious head man in the middle on a noticeably higher chair. Bags are waiting for us and so is Nuru just outside the terminal. He is a truly splendid chap, with his Man Utd cap. It's hot, dusty & busy at the airport, all manner of people wanting to push an edge of my trolly. Hot, dusty & mad journey to the hotel, then all of a sudden it's cool, quiet & relaxed, we've arrived at our hotel. After check in Nuru takes us up to our room to check we haven't come trekking in high heels, thongs & T shirt. Struggle to make it up in the lift that refuses to go to the 3rd floor or even leave the current floor. A full 10 mins later someone points out we're on the 3rd floor! Our kit meets with Nuru's approval, although he's not sure why I want more than 1 pair of trousers for a 19 day trek.
30 hours into our journey, we head out for an explore of the town. Find a lovely little square (well circle actually), with The Stupa temple in the middle. A bit touristy, but not full of tourists. Shop around for the best rate for my USD, negotiate further for my substantial purchase. Get 39,000 Nepalese Rupee,which is about 15cm thick. Although exactly the same as the dollars, I feel strangly self conscious with this enormous bulge in my trousers. Buy some postcards, look around some temples then back to the hotel for a swim. It's cooled significantly since we went out so Jo balks as I jump in, it is rather bracing! I swim a few laps before Jo floats the eminently more sensible idea of a mocha. Upstairs for a shower & dress for dinner.
Head out about 6:20, it's dark already not that surprising really. Still a few people about, back streets a bit grimy but everywhere smells of jasmine & marigolds. Go for Nepalese set dinner at a rooftop restaurant, all very nice for about £15. Expensive by local standards I'm sure but altogether reasonable. It's quiet & dim on our way back, security guard doesn't want to let us in the back gate but we talk him round. Organise a few things with the front desk then up to the room for last sort out before our early start. Then crash in bed for the first time since 7am Monday morning!
Thanks Nic, you'll be sorry you said that when we lure you round with the promise of a curry only to confront you with 10,000 photos.
Fell asleep watching Harry Brown last night & didn't wake up till the alarm goes off at 5. We are efficient mammals & get all our stuff together at reception by 5:45. Nuru finds us while we're checking out and we're soon off to the airport. Much quieter on the roads at 6am but still people setting up their stalls & taking deliveries. Airport is old fashioned & chaotic, Nuru wizzes round organising things while we sit & watch. There doesn't appear to be a lounge & I can't see first class written on my boarding pass, I assume one of the stewardess will take care of on board. Half hour later we're called for our flight, all 10 of us, jump on the bus & whizzed round to the planes. Ours doesn't seem to be here, Jo suggests it's so small you can't see it. Wait for a while, then a tiny plane lands with our airline logo, sure enough its us. Nuru tips us off the left is is best, so I throw a couple of backpackers into the propeller & grab the seats. Just as we're taxiing the flight attendant comes down the aisle with towels & sweets, I'm well impressed, hot towels on a flight like this. They're not, it's cotton wool to put in your ears. Weather is clear as we take off, which is a relief as we should get some great views & the flights into Lukla generally only crash in bad weather. Indeed great views of the Himalayan rang & the approach just clears the mountains & steeply decends into Lukla. Quick jog across the runway, Nuru sorts things out that will forever remain a mystery to us, then we're off for a cup of tea at the local Everst Lodge.
Refreshed, we are finally off on our trek. Trail is busy with tourists, Sherpas & yaks, but we feel good to be on our way. It's dusty & rocky, some rocks formed into steps, some just rocks, but you have to watch every step so you don't twist your ankle or step in a huge mound of yak poo. I've got 1,000 rupees that Jo steps in a large one before we get to base camp. There's a lot of up & down as we wind over ridges & drop down crossing the river snaking through the valleys. The river is glacial melt & is a wonderful ice blue / green colour. We stop for lunch in Phakding around 12, this was going to be our final destination for the day but Nuru says we're such great trekkers we're pushing on to Monju (well he didn't actually say we're great trekkers but I'm sure he thought it). We have rice, dal & vegatables, seeing how meat is transported from the valleys I think we're going to be vegatarian on the trail. Nuru spoons these herbs out of a tin into his noodles. Intrigued I start reading the ingredients, Jo points out the tin is recycled from a sweet tin from Blackpool. I spoon some into my dal, it's nice, so I spoon a bit more in, my lips & tongue start to fizz, I decide to stop eating.
More trekking after lunch, we're like a couple of little yaks. Short rest stop after a couple of hours, I decide it's time for a treat, so ask Jo for a Chery Ripe. Jo suggests we offer one to Nuru, "are you mad" I reply, he can have a Dairy Milk, which she does & one for the porter (who is very grateful). We arrive into the metropolis of Monju around 3:15. Nuru gets us checked in at The Mini Tibet lodge. We seem to have a very superior room, with an en suite shower & toilet, it's kinda all in together but it's an en suite none the less. Jo has a strip wash in cold water at the sink while I doze. Pop down for a coffee & text the girls (still have mobile access, no internet though). Can't put off having a wash any longer as its getting really cold & the light is fading. Decide to try the shower & it's hot! Pretty good as the village doesn't seem to have proper electricity. Bloody cold once I turn it off though. Dressed in pretty much everything we have, head back down to the dining room, which is now nicely warmed with a stove fuelled by dried yak dung. Dinner arrives shortly, I've got Sherpa stew soup (I tell Nuru I can't find any Sherpa in my stew, don't think he gets it but laughs anyway, bless him). Jo has mushroom soup & spaghetti, I finish off with macaroni cheese. Give our water bottles to Nuru how fills with boiled water, we work out we can use them as hot water bottles tonight too. Order breakfast for the morning & a glass of milk for our bedtime Milo (that Jo brought from home, & I originally brought from Singapore). Nearly 7 o/c, that's pretty much us done for the evening.
If Oli is a very good little monkey I will ask Nima, our Sherpa, to carry a yak back for him.
Yes Jem, this is a rather restrictive diet for Jo, but she eats everything thats put in front of her that isn't green (or orange)!
Pretty much sleep straight through from 7:30 till 5am when my phone blasts out Death by Diamonds & Pearls. Trouble is we don't need to be up until 6am so I frantically hunt through my sleeping bag to turn it off. Soon back off until the official alarm goes off at 6. Get dressed, our bags & back packs packed, & down for breakfast by 6:45. Breakfast is good, Jo has porridge, I have French toast (which is actually eggy bread, but all good). Quick coffee & we're on our way by 7:30. Start off undulating like yesterday, over ridges & down to cross the river. About 4 river crossings, each one a steel cable suspension bridge with bolted metal plates, sways quite a bit but feels safe enough. I expected the terrain to be barren & rocky but so far it's been lush forests, rather like British Columbia. We start to see snow covered peaks with startling regularity, including our first sight of Everest! We meet a guy who's just summitted Everest & on his way down, he seems very normal & modest, we congratulate him. After the first hour it changes to constant uphill, it's tougher & slower but to be expected, can't get from 2,800m to 5,600 at base camp without going up. Never the less we're glad we pushed on yesterday for a shorter hike today & we arrive at Namche Bazzar around 12:15.
Have a bit of a debate with Nuru that we're at the right hotel, then when we don't have a room with a bathroom, as advertised on the hotel board. Nuru comes through in the end as we get the best room in the hotel, decent bathroom, lights & our own power plugs (for charging stuff). It's worth noting that I paid extra for better accommodation. We get settled & have pizza for lunch before having yet another hot shower, as a matter of fact it's so hot I have to turn the hot down & the cold up. Head out to explore the village, which is full of outdoor equipment stores, selling everything from hiking boots, coats & gloves to I've been to BC Tshirts. I get some thicker gloves, an inflatable pillow each & toilet roll, a real treat. Wander round a bit further and stumble upon The Everest Bakery, which claims to do Lavazza coffee, we go in. Have a couple of lattes & a couple of pastries, it's good & fresh, you can see the master baker playing with his sticky dough in the corner. Despite the coffee we're starting to flag so head back to our suite for a little nap. I throw both duvets on the bed & we snuggle down for an hour.
Drag ourselves up around 5:30 & pop up to the dining room for dinner. I go for Momo (dumplings), Jo has dall bhat. Chat to a girl from San Francisco while we wait for dinner, she seems to be on her own. Sounds like she's been travelling for a while, through Cambodia, Thailand & a month in Nepal. Dinner is good & chat to Nuru after. He's been a porter & guide since 1974, done loads of peaks above 8k metres, including within 250m of Everest summit. He tells us a story of taking an American & Russian to a summit, the Russian died & Nuru lost all his toes. You would never guess from the way he trotts along. It's 8:30 when we head back to our room, fuelled somewhat by the hour nap earlier. Have a bit of a final blog & a read before turning in for the night.
Thank you Rachael, glad you're following, hope you're enjoying. Yes there is a lot of eating, but then maybe that's just the highlights, walking & eating.
Rise this morning around mid-day, 7am. I have an enormous thick pancake (with jam), Jo has porridge (she may turn into a bear). More relaxing all round start to the day as we saunter from breakfast to get our bits together, we're taking a short walk up the hill with Nuru. Takes us about 20 mins & we get great views of Everest, Lhotse, Nuptse & Ama Dablam. Take a tour of the national park museum, has some interesting reads & exhibits but decide we've had enough & start to wander out. Nuru catches us, asks if we've been to the upstairs section, yes we lie, Nuru knows all & sends us back. From here we wander down to the Sherpa museum, see our first long haired yaks of the region, actually did you know that yaks are male & naks are female. We get shown around the traditional Sherpa home, very interesting & exhibition of famous Sherpas, also very interesting. Have a bt of a rest & attempted shower, doesn't go as well as yesterday, I manage a luke warm dribble, none left for Jo. Jo washes some pants meaning we only have to wear each pair for 3 days rather than 4.
Head out in the town for a bit of a mooch & some lunch. Outdoor gear literally everywhere, most of it decent, some new. You could litterally arrive with just some basic gear to get you to Namche, buy it all here & sell it back again on your way back. Pop to our favourite bakery for lunch, Jo has rossti with an egg, I have veggie burger, all good. Head up to the highest point above the village, harder than it looks as you can see the path from the village but can't make it out amidst the winding streets. Eventually find our way & rewarded with spectacular views of the town & the valley below. Feeling satisfied with our afternoons work, we trott down to a traditional Nepalese store & buy Mars, Kit-kat & smokes before heading to the traditional Nepalese Illy coffee shop, they even do traditional Nepalese English breakfast tea. Sit on the veranda & watch the yaks go by.
Back in the hotel for a bit of a read & a bit more of a rest. Have a browse & upload of the photos, then head up to the warmth of the dining room in preparation of another gourmet meal. Finish with hot chocolate & we're done. Back to the room to sort out our stuff for prompt start in the morning & an early night.
Alarm goes off at 6am, followed by the now customary Band of Skulls failsafe alarm. We're up, changed, bags packed & at breakfast just before 7. Porridge for 2 today, just need Goldielocks. Set off at 7:30, tough start as we climb the steep steps out of Namche Bazaar before our legs have started working properly. Then it turns into a pretty steady uphill slope, path is pretty good. Path gets a little more rocky & a little more narrow as we go, some of them quite a scramble. We also start to encounter more steep steps, which is kinda good as we know we have to gain altitude to get to our destination. The real highlight, however, is how close the mountains are beginning to feel, Everest & Ama Dablam in particular, getting really close up pictures of the latter peak with the zoom lense. We're also just at the top of the tree line, sparse trees downhill give way to brush land uphill.
Stop at Mongla for lunch around 11. I'm not feeling hungry at all, I'm worried it could be the first sign of Accute Mountain Sickness (AMS) as we're now around 4,000m. I'm not being dramatic, just worried that it could mean I (we) don't make it to Base Camp. Force myself to order a hash brown with egg as I envisage something small. An enourmous potato & vegatable cake turns up with an egg on top, it's good & I demolish it, guess there was nothing to worry about after all.
After lunch we start a sharp & rocky decent, which is bad cause it means more up later. It's still quite challenging though as the ground is uneven & big gaps between rocks. We negotiate it all like the little yaks (& naks) we are. Things change to the more customary uphill pretty soon after, which although tougher it feels like your going in the right direction. The mountains disappear as the afternoon cloud rolls in, however the scenery is just as dramatic as there are waterfalls streaming from just about every rockface, cascading from one to the next. Some are quite close to the path & we can see the ice forming around the edges. We see a little Musk Deer at one our afternoon rest stops, manage to squeeze off a couple of shots at the timid little fella. We see less traffic on the trail today after leaving the hub of Namche, some people only go that far, those going on go in all directions, also less yak traffic coming in with supplies. Demographic of travellers has changed too. Up to Namche I estimated more Americans, then English & Australian, followed by European. Now I'd say, mostly English, followed by Australian then European & American. Perhaps a skewed sample or perhaps something to do with the English association to doing mad things, along with our antipodean cousins. Anyhoo, arrive at Dole just before 3pm, having trekked 20km & gaining 600m in height.
Accommodation is pretty basic at the Alpine Cottages, twin bunks, no en suite & drop toilet (which I am forced to negotiate later). It's also fricking freezing up here. Change into my thermals plus trousers & top, hop into my sleeping bag & still shivering! Have a bit of a rest before dinner, Nuru calls us early cause the dining room is filling up. We see why, it's actually pretty warm in there! Have our dinner of soup & macaroni cheese (which is actually pasta twists but we won't quibble in the circumstances). Have a bit of a chat with Nuru & a bit of a read before snuggling down around 8.
Days without meat 4
Days without a shower 2
Days in same pants 2
Days in same clothes 4
I don't know how cold it got last night, all I know is when I popped outside for a fag there was a brass monkey crying his eyes out! Shorter day trekking today so we're allowed to lie in until it gets a bit warmer. Get up, dressed & bags packed then off to breakfast. Go to the teeth cleaning station next to the water butt & there's something very special about cleaning your teeth next to an open latrine. Filled up with apple porridge & couple cups of coffee we head off into the sunrise. Start down & cross the river before heading up over the ridge, not too steep, just good steady uphill climb. Get caught up in a yak jam for much of the way (& I don't mean a sweet sticky preserve made from yaks). The path widens into three lanes & we try to overtake, just as a slow moving yak moves out into the fast lane, with no indication. Who would have thought the highlands of Nepal would have so much in common with the M25. Have a little coffee & chocolate break a couple of hours in, as is now customary I hand a dairy milk to our porter Nima. I do hope he like them, otherwise he's thinking yet another thing from this fat westerner I've got to carry. Chat to an Irish / Kiwi couple, also on their honeymoon, only their wedding was last Christmas. Anyhoo, back on the trail carry on the steady ascent, pausing only for photos. The clouds are rolling in quite early today making some spectacular mountain pictures.
Arrive at Machermo around 11:30 & check in to the charming boutique hotel of Tashi Dele, which advertises heated dining room on its extensive list of amenities, I'm guessing that's a yak dung fuelled stove heated dining room. We move into our charming twin room & unpack. It's only when you move you realise how much you've accumulated. Pop to the heated dining room for lunch, go for the hash brown with cheese & egg for Jo & me respectively. Not as good as the gastronomic delights offered in Mongla yesterday but a fine offering. Have a little read in the dining room before I convince Jo it's time for a lie down. I cover myself with 17 layers but still cold. After a while we can hear the customary footstep / coughing combination that means Nuru is coming to get us. Apparently there's a talk on in the Medical Centre about AMS, I politely decline in the hope I will eventually get warm, Jo on the other hand is keen so off she goes. I spend my time productively reading about warm countries, eating Violet Crumble & listening to my tunes. Jo comes back all excited, apparently the incessant weeing she's been doing is not due to kidney or bladder trouble but her body adjusting to the altitude by thinning her blood.
At 4,400m, this is the highest we've ever been, 200m higher than the ainca trail. It's 4 o/c & Jo talks me into going to the heated dining room for a coffee & chocolate, sit in there until dinner. While we while away the time we witness the ancient Sherpa stove lighting ceremony of soaking a piece of yak dung in petrol, throwing it in the stove before pouring more petrol on the flames. Share my Friday night & Saturday morning movements with Jo for her wedding memories book. Dinner arrives consisting of fried potatoes & Momo, followed by the excellent apple pie. Chat with Nuru about plans for tomorrow, I suggest a trip to the shopping mall or the cinema, he suggests Tesco, maybe he's getting my strange sense of humour at last. Pop outside for a smoke, look up to see a million billion stars in the sky. Jo goes for her 74th wee of the day, pops the boiled water into our sleeping bags (boiled water for tomorrow makes excellent hot water bottles the night before). Continue to read in the heated dining room until we're the last westerners in there. Head out with the camera to try to capture the night sky, took a few attempts in the freezing cold but pleased with the results. Back to the room to tuck myself in for the night.
Days without meat 5
Days without a shower 3
Days in same pants 3
Days in same clothes 5
Rest day today so leisurely stroll to breakfast, order porridge & chapatti with peanut butter. Tell Nuru I fancy attempting the high ridge behind our camp, he says "ok", as he does. Get changed into our trekking gear, Jo says its time to move into the shell pants & roll neck jumpers, we agree might as well coordinate with a change of pants & socks. Head off up the steep snow covered incline, about an hour to reach the ridge. Walk along the ridge for about another 40 mins to reach the edge of the summit climb. Views are magnificent all around, snow covered slopes leading into the valley behind us, tall peaks picture framed within the clouds & vast panoramas in front of us. I take a picture of Jo in her hen night yeti hat, then ask her to stand up for another picture, she tuts, I tell her to turn around she sees the stunning backdrop & says fair enough. After about half hour of soaking up the views we decide to head down.
Quick change out of our boots & off to the dining hall for lunch. Order tuna melt, it's good. Chat to a couple of Swiss girls from Bern. Usual shared experiences of trekking & other aspects of outdoor life that attracts such people to attempt such mad adventures. All agree we have forgotten what it's like to be warm. Another aspect of demographics is the surprising male / female split. I was expecting maybe 1% women, generally of the butch variety, but no! It's probably 60 / 40 male / female & quite a few girls travelling together (without a butch man to protect them). Anyhoo, chat about skiing & punctuality of Swiss trains until its time for the lecture at the medical centre. All trott over following Nuru as we inevitably do. Really interesting talk by Anna from Reading, who's volunteering for 3 months. Did you know that at 4,000m there is about 2/3 of the oxygen at sea level. Some scouce girl asks a stupid question, there's always one where ever you go. We have our blood oxygen measured, should be around 98% - 100% at sea level, we're both 86%, which is perfectly normal as you acclimatise. I buy a Tshirt & badges (realise we have no idea where our Galapagos badges are).
Get back to the dining room & it's heaving, the lodge is bursting at the seams! My nationality study is standing up pretty well, English, Aussies & Europeans. Surprisingly we have seen a few French on the trek, I presume they will carry on a bit further before shrugging their shoulders, lighting up a Cigton & giving up. Dinner ordered & our place secured we can not risk moving before eating. Dinner of hash browns, followed by apple pie & custard, we're the envy of the Canadian / Aussie girls we've been chatting to. They've just returned from Gokyo Ri, where we're headed next, they give us a much welcome boost from the cold & discomfort by telling us how amazing it is. Sit in the crowded dining room for as long as we can, chatting, reading & dozing waiting for the iPad to charge & getting as warm as possible. Nuru hands the Steve Jobs classic to me 84% charged, that will do. Pop outside for a smoke & chat to some fellow Brit smokers about the affect altitude has on cigarettes. Back in the room for a bit of a pack & the now familiar routine of getting into sleeping gear as quickly & efficiently as possible. A bit of reading before it's nighty night time.
Days without meat 6
Days without a shower 4
Days in same pants 1
Days in same clothes 1
Up at 6 this morning, dressed, packed & over to breakfast, porridge for 2 again today. Hit the trail just after 7, there's rumours abound that Gokyo has a room shortage so all the guides are keen to get there asafp. We go down & across the river towards the medical centre but bear right up the hill. Quite a steep climb for first thing in the morning before the legs are working properly. The rest of the way is a gentle & steady uphill climb along a path of sorts, we make good time in the race for rooms. Meet an Aussie girl, Amy, on the way, she's trekking completely on her own, her boyfriend got sick & went down, I presume with the guide & porter. Lots of rapids today on the river we call the Umberto after the river on the Inca Trail, really should find out what it's called. We've started off in our warm gear thinking that's it for walking in shirtsleeves, but no, about an hour in we've stripped off, very warm hiking in the sun. We come over a ridge & get our first sight of the lakes. It's quite a spiritual looking place with cairns everywhere, must be a couple of hundred, the lake is pretty still but just enough breeze to prevent the perfect mountains reflected in the lake picture. Still squeeze off a few along the way. Up along & over the next ridge is another lake, just as perfectly clear & green as the last. Scramble over some rocks at the shore to get the right photo looking down the lake.
Arrive at Gokyo around 11:30, not the longest or hardest treck but we've gained another 300m & we're ascending Gokyo Ri in the morning. Get checked into the Cho Oyu View lodge. Nuru shows us our room, lovely view of the lake, we say ok, but he's back 5 mins later saying he's found a better room, this one has 2 windows with views of the lake. Get settled & pop up to the dining room for lunch, tuna melt again, its good. Have a little sit & enjoy the warm sunshine & views of the lake. Go down to the lake shore for some overly ambitious photos of the lake as there is a whisp of cloud floating across the far side. Pretty soon the cloud engulfs the whole lake & it's time to call it a day. We heard another couple asking about blankets, they're told no since the lodge is so full, soon after getting back from the lake the charming hostess turns up with blankets, guess the others don't have Nuru looking after them. Ask the hotelier about the possibility of a shower, she say shower cold, so I follow her to the kitchen for a bowl of hot water just as Nuru magically appears to carry it for me. I have visions of Nuru bursting in on Jo in her skimpies with the water, of course that's madness Jo is wrapped up till the very last second. We enjoy a wonderful full wash of all our bits with soap & flannel. Feeling refreshed, clean & a little cold we have a lie down for a bit.
The accommodation is just as basic as the other lodges we've stayed at, especially since Namche. However, we feel more positive with the change from harsh scrubland to stunning lake views, we're much happier at Gokyo.
Pretty soon it's 4o/c & time to go up for ginger tea & Violet Crumble. Heard today the temperature in the room was -4.5C at around 5pm. I'm ashamed to say the English group have put a reserved sign up on their table & the scouse doris has turned up in curlers. Order dinner & spend the rest of the time reading & blogging while we wait for chef to prepare. There are a number of tents pitched in the village for the more foolhardy trekkers, we watch in amusement as a yak saunters up to one of the tents & dumps the contents of his bowls. A respectable time later our dinner of Rara soup & egg fried rice arrives. We gobble that down & sit with our flask of ginger tea before turning in early for our 4am start in the morning.
Days without meat 7
Days without a shower 5
Days in same pants 1
Days in same clothes 2
Days without a proper toilet 4
Alarm goes off at 3am, I remind Jo we agreed to a 3:30 alarm for our 4 o/c start, alarm reset we snuggle back down. 3:15 Nuru knocks at the door, says weather is too bad to go up, try again at 6. Get knock just before 6, it's Nuru again, weather still bad, try again at 7. He's back shortly saying we're a go, so a quick breakfast & we're on our way. Across the little causeway of rocks bridging the shallow river feeding into the lake. Quickly into a steep ascent that continues all the way to the top. There isn't a path to speak of, just rocks & sandy scrubland. It's tough going, about a 1:2 gradient, can only imagine what it would be like in the dark. We make regular stops as the exhertion & altitude take its toll. Despite how bitterly cold it was in the village last night (there was ice on the inside of the windows, heard it got down to -10C in the rooms), I'm starting to get hot, so take a couple of layers off & eventually my down jacket. Talk to the English couple we met yesterday & a group of friendly Ruskies (a rare breed), they did start at 4am, they say it was amazing once they got above the clouds at half way. It always looks like it's just after the next ridge, but alas as is so often the way with mountains, so many false ridges before you reach the top. Finally we can see a large collection of cairns & prayer flags signalling the real summit. It is still a pretty vertical climb to get there, but get there we do & feel elated reaching nearly 5,500m. That's 700m vertical, so approx 1.4km in total (each way, of course).
It's pretty crowded initially but we beat our way through the people & interconnecting prayer flags to find a great spot. Get some amazing photos of Everest, Lhotse, Nuptse, Ama Dablam & many other peaks Nuru rattles off that I can't remember. We also get a view of the Tibettan peaks, it's only 8km to the border. Completely astonishing views of the glacial chanel full of lateral & terminal moraine. I line up the perfect picture of Jo & me with Everest in the background but frustratingly every time we ask someone to take it they zoom in on us & miss the Himalayan colossus. Hang around for about an hour before starting the long trek down. Similar to the way up, no matter how far we go down the village doesn't look any closer. Meet a completely mad French chap who practically jogged up, stayed for about 20 mins & is jogging back down again, looked at least 50, said he had to get back to his girlfriend, she's probably 25. Anyhoo, not surprisingly we do eventually reach camp.
Quick change & hang out our stuff for a well needed air after umteen days in the same clothes & head for the diner. We need 1.5 tuna melts each today, which we demolish, along with a Twix. Get a bowl of hot water from the kitchen & have another strip wash, delayed slightly by the flannel being frozen. Gather our clothes in from the handy wall behind us & settle down for a well deserved afternoon nap. Suitably refreshed we head back up to the dining area for some ginger tea & gather round the stove. Dinner of Rara soup & pizza is filling. We play guess the story behind the trekkers, particularly good ones are my background to the Russian Oligach & Jo's new earth mother. Around 8 we head back to our room for cleaning teeth standing on the wall overlooking the lake, would be quite romantic if it wasn't bloody freezing. Get packed in our little cocoons for the night.
Days without meat 8
Days without a shower 6
Days in same pants 2
Days in same clothes 3
Days without a proper toilet 5
Thanks Pete, does that mean you all want a yak now!?!
We certainly are making the most of every moment thanks Banu, look forward to seeing you too.
Me too Brett, hope you caught the latest pant washing episode, I'm hoping to get to a 2 day pant routine
It takes a special person, such as yourself Adam to smoke cigars & drink moonshine with porters.
The yak dung filled rooms are almost as special as the communal latrines. Now then, now then, now then, we will fight them on the mountains, we will fight them on the glacier, we will never, eeeeergl, surender. That is truly sad news.
No rush this morning as have quite a short trek to Tragnag, so Nuru advises us to have a lie in & walk when it's warmer. Trouble is we've been in bed since 8pm, the beds are not that comfortable (to say the least) & everyone has been trooping past since about 6. Drag ourselves up about 7 & stretch our aches away. Get packed for the off & up to breakfast, just us & new earth mother with her failed novelist / drop out lecturer partner with us in the dining room. Jo has porridge as is her staple, I have French toast, it's no Gramercy Park French toast, but it's good French toast. Final clean up & pack, then we're off.
A short ascent over the ridge behind the village & we're in the glacier. It's pretty hairy going down, again no real path, just where successive trekkers have worn a ridge. It's narrow though, a sheer drop down & icy in places, but we negotiate without falling to our deaths. It really is quite the most incredible place I have ever been. There are tonnes of boulders, rocks & sand floating on top of the glacier, some of it moraine, most where the glacier has receded about 50m in the last 20 years & the surrounding rock has fallen away. There are holes in the rock, about 100m in diameter exposing the glacier, a thick wall of ice, sometimes with ice pools. Nuru throws a large rock down 100m to the frozen pool, the rock splits in 2. We see several of these as we cross the glacier, along with the erie sound of the glacier grinding underneath. Then all of a sudden we find a clear, clean, fresh pool, I spend an enjoyable 10 mins skipping stones across. Not many people can say they've skipped stones in the middle of a glacier. An equally tricky ascent on the opposite side & we're out. Short trek along the scrub land to the village of Tragnag.
As we approach we catch sight of the Chola Pass Resort, it has WiFi, double glazed dining room, solar heated showers, we decided this is the place for us & wait with baited breath as Nuru negotiates, thankfully in Sherpa (or Nepalese). Soon Nuru calls us to our room & we skip up the stairs, we have a toilet between 2 rooms (albeit a drop toilet), blankets & hooks for hanging things, it's amazing what simple luxuries get you excited after 9 days on the trail. Get unpacked & head for the double glazed dining room where we enjoy noodle soup & omlette, I get a Coke too. Arrange internet & Twix from the hotelier, upload the blogs & pictures (using the Internet not the Twix). Arrange for a shower, it may only be a basket shower but we're so excited after 6 days with only a wet wipe or flannel wash. Quick change in our room & off to shower together, this will be the most time we've been naked in the same room since we we're married. The water is a bit of a drizzle but it's hot & good, Jo even washes her hair (there's no understanding girls). Get dried off & changed then on to the dining room for a cuppa. Get chatting to an English guy, Jon, working in Nepal & around the world as a mountain guide. He gives us his details for when we want to take on Killamanjaro. He tells us we've done quite a bit of exploring, for amateurs we add. By the time dinner arrives we've stripped right off such is the cosiness of the dining room. This is quite simply the most lovely lodge we've stayed in since leaving Kathmandu.
Days without meat 9
Days without a shower 0
Days in same pants 1
Days in same clothes 4
Days without a proper toilet 6
Up at 4am for our big trek through the Cho La Pass. Get packed, changed, teeth cleaned & over to breakfast. Jo has you know what, I have French toast, it's not The Smith French toast, it's not even Cho Oyu View lodge French toast, but it's good. We set off around 5:30, just as dawn is breaking & the villagers are taking down the Yeti protection from the night before (they are nocturnal creatures). Steady uphill ascent, following the river & a very slow moving party of Germans. Get very cold following their sedate pace so it's a relief when an overtaking lane opens up & we take it. Make good pace, even though it gets quite steep near the top. The view opens up to take in the mountains & valley bellow. It's blowing a gale & freezing, I squeeze off a few shots but the camera refuses to continue, it wants to go back to the warmth of Jo's hat in the rucksack. Rock is quite loose under foot but we make good progress to the valley bellow & along the flat marshland. Great sights of partially frozen rivers & completely frozen waterfalls, it's a good job the SLR doesn't want to work, I could have spent a good 20 mins on those. As we're striding along the valley floor I hear a familiar cry, "I'm a long way from Liverpoooooooooooooool", I give her a Mersey kiss to make her feel at home. A tricky ascent follows scrambling over bolders but make it safely to the next ridge. But it's here the fun really starts, a 700m climb over loose sand, shingle, rock & ice, parts are 1:2 gradient, others are near vertical. I can't work out why the base isn't littered with bodies, somehow we don't add to my imaginary body count & make it to the top. Again it's freezing & windy, but again the views are spectacular! To our right is an enourmous snowy peak, directly below us a glacial wall with frozen lake & in front of us a vast snow field.
Negotiate the tricky descent onto the frozen lake & up onto the snow field. Continue through the snow for a couple of km, with views of another glacier coming down the valley above & a glacial wall to the left of us. The snow field ends abruptly with another rocky descent into the valley below. The next few km are pretty steady going through marshland & we make good pace. Finally arrive after 7hrs trekking at the boutique residence of Green Valley lodge, it is the polar opposite of the delightful Chola Pass Resort. Anyhoo, finish off our packed lunch of Tibettan bread, stale cheese & boiled egg, have a quick cuppa in the dining room then an afternoon nap (we were up at 4 you know).
Feeling somewhat refreshed if still a little cold, head for the dining room. Just us & the slow moving German troupe. Sit & chat a while, have the same debate with Nuru yet again about having paid for superior lodges but not being allocated them (this time at our next stop at Loboche). I do kinda feel sorry for him as I'm not sure if he has been told by the agent in England. Anyhoo, agree to leave a bit earlier in the morning & survey the available residences. Feed ourselves with the odd, not particularly nice but satisfying combination of Rara soup, veg omlette & baked Mars bar.
Pop outside for a fag & can hear the far off howls of the Yeti, we're deep in their territory now. Not much other entertainment so decide to turn in for the night for a bit of a read befor nighty night time.
Days without meat 10
Days without a shower 1
Days in same pants 2
Days in same clothes 5
Days without a proper toilet 7
Up at 7, quick pack & ablutions, then over to breakfast. The much maligned Green Valley Lodge serves me up beans on toast this morning, with an egg, Jo has porridge. The morning light has given way to the clouds of yesterday afternoon & exposed that we're on a small plataeu surrounded by imposing mountains, quite a sight. We set off & make good pace down & across the marshland until we come to a bridge crossing a free flowing river. When I say bridge, I mean 2 logs about half the width of my boot, but it's only a 20m span & we both manage with relative ease. In fact I go a little way back for Jo to get a photo of how brave I am, I tell her to make it look like I'm in the middle, she can't & I'm not brave enough to walk backwards to the middle. See some climbers sumitting Loboche peak, looks really impressive, Nuru says he's done 18 times. I say, was that all with fixed rope, yes he says, we go up, fix the ice screws, fix the ropes for the climbers, then come down, that's Sherpas for you. Catch sight of another impossibly clear green lake as we hit the top of a ridge, get some great shots of the mountain reflection & the valley ahead. Have a little rest stop, the 4 of us have eaten all the chocolate (apart from the Violet Crumble but that's not for sharing), so we have the mango strips I have been saving since I came back from Singapore. These, the apple Jo had in porridge a couple of times & the cherry & coconut in Cherry Ripe are the only fruit we've had on the trek. All in all it's a pretty good trek today, the path is good, weather is pretty warm in the sun & we're feeling good. There are of course some loose edges & sheer drops but no problem as long as you're carefull (& as we know that is my middle name).
Make it to Loboche about 12:30, our nagging paid off as check in to the excellent Mother Earth Hotel. We have a nice big room, almost 6m^2. Quick change & down to the dining room, which is lovely plywood panelling. We have tuna melt (which I tell the proprietor is the best in Nepal), & I have a Coke (a fat Coke & proud of it). Organise a shower & spend the next half hour preparing for it, water is hot but not much of it so the rest of us freezes, then the next hour warming up again but at least I can reset the shower clock (clean pants too Brett).
Come back to the dining room for a warm up around the yak dung stove. I'm forced to take the iPad out to a shack where the generator is for a charge, I'm not happy leaving him out there but it has to be done. Spend some time talking about future holiday plans, Amazon Basin, Killimanjaro, Antarctica, Sri Lanka, 3 peaks in Nepal & 6 around the world above 6,000m (Jo's a little taken aback at the last one). Chat about other bits & bobs, like have I got a cold, until a huge plate of macaroni cheese turns up, our pudding too. Make a valliant effort at the pasta, then hot chocolate before draining the last of the ginger tea. Clean our teeth indoors for the first time in over a week, then it's time to turn in before our big day tomorrow, assault on Base Camp!
Days without meat 11
Days without a shower 0
Days in same pants 1
Days in same clothes 6
Days without a proper toilet 8
Up at 4:20, packed, teeth cleaned (indoors!) & down to breakfast for 5. Jo predictably has porridge but what porridge it is! My toast is decent enough but I'll definitely be having porridge when we come back. Set off before 6, just as it's getting light & the Yeti are scurrying to the hills. A good steady trek, decent path, more uphill than not but all good. See the cloud enveloping Loboche behind us & creeping up the valley, makes for yet more epic pictures of island peaks in the clouds. The sun finally starts to come out & as we reach the top of the ridge we start to get some spectacular & up close views of Luptse. We're hopefull that the sun will burn off the cloud in time for us reaching base camp. All of a sudden we see the encampment of Gorak Shep, we arrive at The Yeti Lodge (it remains to be seen if it's a lodge run by Yetis) just after 8. Quick cuppa & sort out of bits to leave behind & we're off again just before 9.
Pretty uninspiring start as the route resembles a disused quarry more than a path to the Holy Grail. It looks just like a giant hand has tossed bolders all around, the cloud & frozen shallow lake add to the ambience. We make good progress bolder hoping & are soon on a ridge, following the glacier to our right. This leads us pretty much all the way with the glacier becoming more dramatic as we go, ice pools & seracs forming to add the sort of dramatic perspective we encountered on the way to Tragnag. We trek across the glacier to reach the point of base camp, marked with prayer flags & a hand written inscription on a bolder. We expected as much (or as little), it is the point where climbers gather in the Spring & Autum summit attempts. This is when the place takes on a more recognisable appearance with 200 tents pitched, but it's definitely the place, with the rock, the start of the Kumbu ice fall & Nuru has been here often enough with his own summit attempts. Anyhoo, we get our props out, top hat for me, tiara with vail for Jo & our Just Married banner. We pose in front of the BC rock & Everest in the background. It's great fun & a great sense of achievement after planning for so long. To top it all the sun has burned off all the cloud so we have great views & great pictures. I leave my top hat on, Jo says I look rather eccentric, well I am English after all. We cary on to the start of the Kumbu ice fall, its quite something as snow & ice tumbles from the valley in front of Everest & is carried along on the glacier. We see some falls, huge plumes of snow & a deafening crash. There is no path at all, just scrambling along the rocks until we are opposite the valley spewing the ice onto the glacier & can see where the real explorers start the climb to ABC. The view along the Kumbu ice fall is just as spectacular, row after row of jagged peaks as far as the eye can see. We've walked as far along the ice fall as it is to BC, so quite a long walk back. When we arrive, what do you suppose we hear, more ice falls, the grind of the glacier, the mating call of the Yeti, no that bloody scoucer again! Mind you, she may be an annoying, overly primped scouce princess but you've gotta hand it to her, she made it to Base Camp. Along with the rest of her party of course, who are all posing in front of the BC sign in kitten ears, really, some people have to cheapen the moment. We retrace our steps back to Gorak Shep, I continue to get compliments on my top hat, one exchange with an English chap, "cracking top hat", "nice beard" I retort, " touché", I do love it when you get a touché into an exchange.
Arrive at The Yeti Lodge about 3, somewhat knackered & I think for only the 2nd time my feet ache (testimony to the Scarpa boots & Superfeet). Nuru magics some ginger tea & popcorn which we devour in a semi concious state. Then drag ourselves off to our compact abode for 40 winks before dinner. Too soon dinner time arrives & I've just got warm, Jo throws me over her shoulder & carries me into the dining room sleeping bag & all. We manage an edible dinner of Rara soup & pizza before clean of the toothy pegs & off to beddy byes.
Days without meat 12
Days without a shower 1
Days in same pants 2
Days in same clothes 7
Days without a proper toilet 9
Wake up just before 4 to the sound of the wind howling round the huts, sounds like it's either going to take off or collapse around us. Check with Nuru if we're still on, sure wind is no problem he replies. Get ourselves together & steel ourselves for what waits outside. What waits outside is -5C, -20C with the wind chill & winds gusting to 100 km/h. It's pitch black & we dutifully follow Nuru up the path, one foot in front of the other, heads down trying to ignore the cold & wind. After about an hour we start to get the first glimpse of light, the mountains silohetted all around us. There is an enormous black rock directly in front of us, at first I think it's Everest but it can't be that close. Further & further we trudge, battling to get to the top of Kala Pattar for sunrise, but it's just like Gokyo Ri, there's always one more ridge. Eventually make it to the top where a stone platform has been errected & is covered in prayer flags. Get some great shots of the mountain in front of me, then get my bearings from the Kumbu ice fall to the path to Everest. It is difficult to get a clear view of the iconic mountain as it nestles between it's neighbours Nuptse & Luptse. This is our first close view, Everest is dark & foreboding, much more so than it's more attractive partners, covered in ridges as if scarred from the attempts to conquer it. Get some great shots across the mountain ranges & as the sun begins to rise & reflect their peaks. Finally there is a glimmer of light between Everest & Luptse, highlighting the snow blowing from the peaks. Satisfied with our mornings work we make our way back down, still freezing, still blowing a gale & again a parallel with Gokyo Ri, it takes ages to get back to camp.
Back in the Yeti Lodge (still no sign of Yeti staff or guests), we have porridge & talk to the many less hardy adventurers who either didn't go out or turned round & came back. Get packed, hand our bags to Nima & skip off to the charming Mother Earth Lodge at Loboche. What we remembered to be all up hill on our way from Loboche seems to still be mainly uphill on the way back, must be the movement of the glacier. We arrive just before lunch, have a delicious sit on the wall in the sun & an even more delicious mango strips all round (no Craig that isn't an exotic Nepalese dancer). Grab a couple of the best tuna melts in Nepal which sparks up a brief conversation with a couple of Californian backbackers, I say brief because their vocabulary stretched to Sweet & Awesome. I order a Bounty & tell Jo if she wants a bit she better order her own. Sufficiently satisfied we go up stairs for a wet wipe wash & change of pants before having a well earned rest.
Drag ourselves out of the warm & comfort of our cocoon bags & make our way to the yak dung fuelled dinette. I spot a photo opportunity that has the moon & a mountain in the one shot, I can't resist (although note I impressively still have 200 shots left on my first 8 Gigawiggle card). Sit in the yak dung warmth & chill.
Days without meat 13
Days without a shower 2
Days in same pants 1
Days in same clothes 8
Days without a proper toilet 10
Arise at 7, pack & tuck into the excellent Mother Earth porridge before setting off on our trek to Pangboche. Steady start trekking through the valley, the sun is shining & we're feeling good. Get some good shots of the mountains surrounding the valley & the snow blowing off the top of Everest. Tricky river crossing, seems easy enough skiping across the rocks but the last couple are icy, nearly resulting in a dip. Not that it's particularly dangerous, just being soaking wet in sub zero temperates would not be ideal. Along the path we come across a couple of memorials, one for those who died in the Kumbu ice fall, aparently every spring when the ice fall melts they recover the remains of those who died & create stone memorials at this place (not sure if their remains are here too). The other is for famous Sherpa climbers who have met their fate on the surrounding mountains, one in particular reached the summit of Everest 10 times, twice in a week & spent 21 hours on the top without oxygen. As we decend for the first time in a long time, we notice changes in the landscape & start to encounter villages again (for the last 10 days or so there has been nothing between our lodging stops). We stop in Feriche for lunch at the charming Himalayan Lodge, there has been one in pretty much every village, with differing degrees of charmingness, but this one is charming. Jo calls it the Lodge of Rock on account of the Aerosmith style soft rock they play over lunch. They even have a delightful terrace where people sun bath in their sleeping bags.
Set off again from Feriche for a similar afternoons trekking with good paths & gentle undulations. We notice further changes due to the decreasing elevation, an eagle follows us for a while, no sign of Yetis for hours & we see trees again (we've gone below the tree line as Bear Grylls would say). We are now just below 4,000m for the first time in 10 days, 5 days above 5,000m. After a few more hours trekking we arrive at our destination, The Everest Summit Lodge in Pangboche. This is the creme de menth of lodges, we swap our muddy boots for flip flops at the door, greeted with hot towels & in our room we have proper beds with sheets & blankets, the bathroom (yes it has a bathroom), has the shower separated from the toilet (a western toilet that flushes!). We shower, change into our lounge clothes & lounge a while. It's been a long days trek but we scarcely feel worthy of such luxury.
Around 5 we pop up to the sun terrace for views of Everest & Ama Dablam, get a great shot of the later just as the full moon rises. Due to the chaos at Lukla (which I hear from Rachael has made the UK news), we are the only ones staying at this luxury abode. I won't tempt fate (not that I believe in fate, but why take chances), we have been very lucky to avoid the problems so far. Accomodation at Lukla has been bursting at the seams, lodges & trails are empty up & down the route, but will soon be heaving as the flights & treks catch up. Anyhoo, like I say we have the lodge to ourselves & we're shepparded into dinner, a romantic candle lit dinner for Jo & me... & Nuru. Dinner is lovely & the candle light brings out the rosiness in Nuru's cheeks.
After Dinner we relax in the snug for a little read before an indoor teeth clean & getting into a proper bed.
Days without meat 14
Days without a shower 0
Days in same pants 2
Days in same clothes 9
Days without a proper toilet 0
Thanks Duke, fortunately it hasn't, the bad weather has been in the lowlands while we've been in the highlands
Thanks for your post Kalsang & Susie, I did pass on your love, he is always talking of coming to York to see you. Nuru has been like a mother & father to us, right now if he told us we could climb Everest & be back in time for tea we would gladly follow him.
Thank you M&D M, hopefully you will read the hardships in the blogs uploaded today safe in the knowledge we are now sipping lattes in the civilisation of Namche Bazaar. It really does make you appreciate the simple things as well as the luxuries. You should have seen how excited we were in Loboche when we had a set of coat hooks each! Of course we miss you too, got something for dad today (nothing for mum unfortunately).
Interesting to see how the world sees us great unwashed in Nepal Greg. Funny how the summit expeditions have been delayed when it's the off season, I've been to Base Camp & there's no bugger there. Actually it is quite normal for the guides to sleep in the dinning room & if the porters get to sleep inside they're bloody lucky.
Right then, wake from our slumber around 7, peel back the sheets & blankets (sheets & blankets!). Pack & down to another romantic meal with Jo & Nuru, porridge, toast & wonderful apple pancake. Ok after sundown there's no running water & the toilet doesn't flush but compared to the last 10 days, we're in the Shangri La. It is rather warm this morning so I've got on the Everest Tshirt Jo got me a year ago, gave it to me when we got back from BC but never thought it would be warm enough to wear. Slip our slippers off in the courtyard & pop on our boots the staff have put in the sun to warm. Set off for a very long hard trek to Namche, but we're on the homeward leg. Start off at a good pace along a good path, although we're dropping altitude again, we're soon on a long steady uphill leg for about 2km. It's tough & as we encounter time & again at the end of such a difficult section there is something wonderful. We arrive at the monastry at Tengboche. Go inside an insence filled room where monks in heavy cloaks are chanting hypnotically. We stand for an age in the corner transfixed by the mystical aura in the room. Outside get some wonderful shots of the impossibly white Stupas with impossibly majestic mountains in the backround.
Finally start some down after Tengboche, which is still tricky as you have to constantly watch your footing. Stop for lunch about 12, Nuru as always charms the pants off the hostess. Need a little bathroom break after lunch, I would go in the woods but as we're in the middle of town have to use the outdoor shack. Which is actually just a hole in the floor that you can see runs straight into the river below (think of this next time your tempted to drink from a crystal clear stream). Off we go again, pretty soon we're caught in a yak jam, very dusty! Considering we're dropping 500m there is an awful lot of uphill today. However, unlike the weak westerners that came to Nepal having to stop every 5 mins on the way up, we are now finely tuned Himalayan machines that take it all in our stride (maybe with a bit of panting). The weather is great, we're feeling good but this is a long trek & we're glad when we enter Namche Bazaar. Get checked in, no sign of Nima, so go off round the shops just as we are. Namche is full of market stalls so we're just after trinkets & Everest memorabilia, like summit hats, trek Tshirts, that sort of thing. Stop for a little coffee & cake in our favourite bakery & head back to the hotel.
Nuru has found Nima so we get changed & sort our bits out before going up the the warm dining room for a light dinner & use of the internet. Get chatting to some trekkers on the way up, its funny now being the ones giving advice when only a few weeks earlier we were sitting in the same dining room listening to tips. Speak to a Geordie couple who are watching what they take because they're not using porters....why? He'll probably walk up Kala Patthar with no top on. Head down our last night in sleeping bags.
Days without meat 15
Days without a shower 1
Days in same pants 3
Days in same clothes 1
Days without a proper toilet 0
Not a great night sleep, feeling grotty with my cold & too hot in the temperate climes of Namche. Up at 6, breakfast at 7 & on the trail by 7:30. It's going to be a long trek today. It's rocky & undulating as we again cross the river many times, start to remember some of the landmarks from the way up. A lot of traffic today as the bottleneck in Lukla starts to be released onto the trek. We tick off major points, like Monju, where we stayed the first night & Phakding, where we were originally scheduled to stop for the night. Start to think we'll be in Lukla by lunchtime, sadly not. Stop for lunch, same place as the way up (Nuru's got to keep his favourites happy). Have our usual tuna melt lunch, some backpacker kids at our lunch stop, Jo says don't they talk a load of rubbish, makes you feel old but she's right.
Set off again in the hope Lukla is round the corner, start to get some signs it's not far away. Hear some planes coming in, see one, we both stare intently at the plane trying to work out which side of the valley it's coming into, thankfully it's our side, not the next. We get stuck in a yak jam just as we're approaching Lukla, it's tantalisingly close! Eventually hit the outskirts, then it's quite a trek through town. See the Starbucks, aim for a late afternoon stop but by the time we reach the Everest Summit Lodge decide it's far to far to go back (sure it's not the last one we will see). Get checked in to the opulent luxury, boots off, slippers on. Give Nima his tip & collection of warm clothes we've been saving for him. It's difficult to tell with the culture & language difficulties but I think he's chuffed. Have a last picture with Nuru & Nima, our trekking team. Then off to our room for shower & hop into bed to warm up, get this, we've got electric blankets! Chat a while then its time to go into the snug before dinner. Chat to possibly the most charming German I've ever met (apart from Robert Kuhne of course). Dinner is delightful again, as are Nuru's eyes as they sparkle in the candlelight.
Pretty soon it's time to get ourselves off into our heated beds, via cleaning teeth indoors, in a bathroom! We're off on the first flight out of Lukla tomorrow so breakfast is at 5:30.
Days without meat 16
Days without a shower 0
Days in same pants 1
Days in same clothes 2
Days without a proper toilet 0
Up at 4:30, pack & round to breakfast around 5:10. Nuru is, as always, waiting for us. We have a lovely Everest Sumit Lodge breakfast, then wait around. Wait around some more, a little confused because we understood we needed to be ready to go at 6 & now it's 6:30, but I'm sure Nuru, as always, has everything under control. Nima is here too, looking all suave, bet he got a bit from Mrs Nima last night. All of a sudden things spring into life, Nuru's got his call that the plane is on it's way from Kathmandu. Get our boots on & walk the 3 mins to the airport, quick run through security then onto the runway & on board. Plane taxis round to it's takeoff point, revs with the handbrake on then we're off down the runway, getting airborne 5m from the end of the runway / edge of the cliff. Interesting flight as one would imagine, then touchdown into Kathmandu. Bus takes us & bags on a trolley over to what's called baggage reclaim, again as you may expect involves the people getting off the bus & the bags given to them off the trolley. We're on our way to the Hyatt at 7:39, almost exactly an hour from leaving the Everest lodge in Lukla.
Arrive at the Hyatt, I guess around 6 hours before the usual check in time, give them some story about being early but can they sort us out as we've been trekking for 16 days, bet they haven't heard that before. The chap says we'll have to wait, I steel myself for negotiating down from 4 hours when he says, 30 mins. We sit on the terrace for 20 mins before he come along with our key. Sort out the last bit of business with Nuru, pay for the sleeping bags & down jackets (worth every penny) in NRP, then give Nuru his tip in sterling (I don't have that much in NRP left). He's happy though (as well he might but we have trusted him with our lives the last few weeks). I guess he must be happy 'cause he offered to take us to the airport tomorrow. Sort out the laundry so we can have pants, then go down to the beauty salon for a shave. It is my first professional shave & it's great, great to get that the beard off (I was thinking Sean Connery in The Rock but Rachael & my mother called me Father Christmas!). He gives me the full works, eybrow trim, sideburn style & full back & arm massage, all for £4. Back up to the room for us both to complete the cleansing. I reckon I've lost a few kgs with the cold, altitude, exhertion & lack of food, but I see Jo's tummy for the first time in 2 weeks, I've seen more flab on a washboard!
Head down to the restuarant to do something about that. Order Everest & Gurka beers (tell Joanna Lumley the proceeds go to supporting retired Gurkas), Jo has a wrap & I have a burger. It's all good. The beers go straight to our heads, so Jo has a little nap as we sit outside after lunch before getting her nails done. I opt for a swim, it's cold! Have a latte by the pool then head to the room. Lay in bed & watch Charlie's Angels, it's kitsch but great. Jo comments on how lazy we've been today, I point out we did start today at 4:30, in a different city. The staff bring us a Congratulations cake for being on honeymoon, not sure how much we'll get to eat.
Pop down to the hotel restaurant, have a G&T (Tanqueray of course) & a very nice India meal. Waiter spills raita down Jo's leg, she's not happy. Head upstairs to watch this TV device we've heard of while on the trail.
Wake around 7 with a strange sense of relaxation, we have no mountain to climb, no lodge to get to & strangest of all Nuru is not waiting for us (not yet anyway). I have another funny moment when I get dressed, I don't have to wear the same clothes as yesterday. Still in shock at being in civilisation (now I know how Tom Hanks felt when he was rescued in Castaway), we stumble down to breakfast. Have a chat to our new German friend from Lukla, no surprise to see him in the Hyatt. Jo is very restrained at the buffet, me less so, a very relaxing & pleasant breakfast all round though. Back up to the room for a last pack & little watch of the news. Downstairs to check out & a rejuvenated Nuru is waiting for us as usual, this time with decorative scarfs. Nuru oversees forcefeeding our cases into the boot of the taxi & we're off on the short trip through the bustling city centre to the airport.
Predictable hullaballo at the airport, Nuru apears with a trolley & cuts us a path to the door. It's passengers only so a heartfelt hug & peck with Nuru as we say goodbye for sadly the last time. It will be nice to be in charge of our own destiny but we will miss Nuru organising us, moreover we will miss his easy going charm that all the ladies on the trail like so much. Get our luggage scanned, find the Royal Silk check in, say goodbye to the bags & upstairs to the shops. Get some fags & other last minute bits, including a tasteful decoration for Howler's lonely lodge, before heading to the lounge. Nice comfortable area, decent food (excellent satay), free WiFi but only Beefeater gin! Have a graze & browse before it's time to amble to the gate. Security checked, no idea which gate so follow the herd until we see a chappy holding a Royal Silk sign & magically we appear by the plane. Final search before getting on to the calm of the cabin. Greeted with champagne as one would expect, have to wait a while before takeoff as the flights to Lukla are given priority after the cloudy start to the day.
Safely in the sky we settle down to watching Super Eight, a great little film about kids in small town America & aliens, a kinda Goonies for the 21st century. Have a G&T before dinner (again not Tanqueray but acceptable), dinner is predictably tasty. Not long to touch down after the film, Jo enjoys an Attenborough documentary through her eyelids. Nice modern terminal, actually realise we've been here before. Smooth through security, 5 min wait for bags & shortly we're in the hands of our driver from The Lebua. Manage to squeeze in a fag, although I've been without a light since Lukla, manage to cadge one from a security guard. Pleasant drive to the hotel in the extremely comfortable Merc, no sign of the flooding, apart from rows of cars parked on the motorway, we guess it's people leaving their cars on high ground. Soon enough we're at The Lebula & checked in. The girl whispers something in the lift about our floor being fully booked so they've upgraded us. The suite is massive, makes sense about the upgrade cause I don't remember ordering a kitchen, which has our honeymoon cake in the fridge. The bathroom is bigger than most of the rooms we had on the trail! Take a gander from the balcony, the view of Bangkok is stunning.
Kayla emails me a picture of the cinnamon buns she's made, look twice & realise they're our plates & our kitchen, hope she leaves some behind, they look good. Have a little sit while we decide what to do with the rest of the evening. I take a shoehorn to get Jo off the chaise lounge, decide we're going to check out the pool. It's hot & sticky even late in the evening, a far cry from Gorak Shep! Unfortunately I've got my Kathmandu / Bangkok time wrong & we have to settle for drinks & a mettza plate round the pool. I have a martini & a cucumber G&T, Jo has a mojito then lapses into a coma. I decide to leave her by the pool until my morning swim.
Meat yes
Shower a couple
Clean pants...erm yep
Change of clothes yep
Toilet definitely there, even a hose for your bum
Now call me cynical but I have a theory, every Western man with a Thai girl is a successful sex tourist, any unaccompanied man is a prospective sex tourist. Anyhoo, drag ourselves out of the luxurious bed around 7:30, I'm determined to go for a swim, Jo's not up to it. Down to breakfast around 8. Typical buffet style, bit on the fancy side but we like it. We start with the cereal course, then things take a turn for the worse, well Jo's tummy takes a turn for the worse. She dashes to the toilet then up to the room, stomach cramps, feeling faint, not good at all. After seeing Jo is ok, I continue with breakfast, eggs, pancakes, pastries, all the major food groups. Back upstairs & Jo is not looking at all well. Not sure what it is, she's been very carefull not to overdo the meat or rich food after the plain (barely edible) food on the trail. We think it could be the ice in her mojito last night. I hang around for a while hoping she'll be well enough to come out. Around 11:30, it's clear the poor thing needs to stay in bed. Jo encourages me to go out & as this is our only day in Bangkok I figure I might as well.
Get my bits together & head for the Grand Palace, I hope to get a river taxi but they're not running on account of the flood. Grab a taxi from the hotel with their words of caution ringing in my ears. It's about 40 mins to the palace, taxi is THB 65 (~£1.20), the smallest I've got is THB 500, so we call it 100. There's an awful lot of milling around, I try to look disinterested while I suss things out. Chap approaches me sayings I should get a took-took tour, he negotiates a fee of THB 20 (40p), sounds too cheap but so was the taxi, I've got time to kill so go for it. Of course I could end up in a back street wih my throat cut & robbed. First stop is the Wat Intharawhan, mainly a giant Buddha, so far so good, there are other tourists here, seems quite normal, interesting stuff, good photos. Chat to some Thai guy while I wait for my driver, he asks how much I paid, he reckons the took took is going to take me to shops so he can get petrol vouchers. Makes sense but again I'm in no hurry. We stop at a tourist shop, don't mind hearing what he has to offer while we're in Kao Lak, I tell him diving & he's not interested so I go. Next stop the Government House, again lots of ornate buildings, good photographs. Next stop a tailors, go in tell them I'm not interested, leave, took-took takes me to another tailor, same outcome. Seems coming straight out doesn't get him his voucher. I've seen some good sights & had a tour of the city to boot but I'm not going to sit in a tailors for ages to get him his voucher so tell him no more shops, back to the palace. He says THB 500, I laugh in his face, he say THB 300, I say I'll walk, he say THB 100, I say ok (I was going to give him that anyway).
Back at the palace I find the gate & get accosted by someone telling me I can't get in with shorts on, like an idiot I believe him & buy some pantaloons for THB 50. I then read the sign that says excessively short shorts are not to be worn & they give you trousers free of charge. Oh well, I quite like these pantaloons. Grand Palace is wonderfully ornate, giant fearsome statues, gold domes, decorative eaves. Spend about an hour & a half in there getting great photos. About 4 o/c decide I've had enough & hail a cab, haggle over price (about 2 quid), stop in Starbucks on the way back then up to check on poorly Jo. She's watching The Last Samuri & looking very peaky. Pop out to get her some plain food from the 7/11 across the street, they have lobster, seaweed & sushi flavour crisps, not sure that constitutes plain. Find some decent alternatives, back up to feed poorly Jo & show her the pictures.
Jo is adamant she's coming out to dinner, we get dressed, go down to the resturant, she nearly faints, take her back up again. Make sure she's ok before going out looking like a sex tourist for the 2nd time today. Dinner is good, so are the G&Ts. My trusty iPad is my companion, I use it in a manner that doesn't look like I'm trying to find sex tourism places in Bangkok. Get bored waiting to be propositioned so go back up to check on poorly Jo.
Thanks Jem, I didn't mean to cause too much alarm with poorly Jo's porrliness. My mum said she should see a Dr too but really she is much better now, must have been a 24 hr thing. Ironic that after all the weeks in the trail with no washing, poor sanitation & dodgy food that Jo gets ill in a big modern city. Still it's not worth thinking what it would have been like to be ill in one of the lodges high up on the trail. No ladyboys unfortunately, had to make do with a couple of Thai girls.
Tell Olli aunty JoJo sends her love back
Rise around 7, poorly Jo is looking a little less poorly. Shower, shave & down to breakfast. Jo limits herself to some dry cereal but manages to stay the course, I limit myself to less sweet sickly toppings, but manage 3 courses. Back up to the room to pack, we've managed to get stuff out of all 3 cases even though we've barely been here 2 nights. Have a watch of the news & it's soon time for check out & car. I confirm the destination, as I consider good practice, trouble is I've no Idea how to pronounce Suvarnabhumi airport, I think he knows where he's going anyway. Driver is a bit aggressive on the motorway hanging on the bumper of a pick up in front but otherwise a smooth transfer & we're at the airport in about half an hour. Smooth check in & up to departures. Quick whizz round the shops then find the lounge, there doesn't seem to be any booze in there at all! Have a coffee & a sit before checking with the desk that it's time to amble to the gate. Gate looks very empty, slightly concerned for about 30 seconds but all fine, straight down the elephants trunk & into our seats.
Get off pretty much on time. Lunch for once on Thai is not much cop, I only pick at it, Jo stares at it then feels ill (it isn't that bad). I watch some music videos & kill some zombies (someone's gotta). Land at Phukett, quick run through, little wait for bags but we're soon on our way & met by the nice chappy from The Sarojin. It's about an hour & a half up to Kao Lak, countryside is very lush, pass through a few towns, not much else of interest. I have a browse of the activities, Jo has a nice sleep & is much brighter when we arrive. We're greeted by the wonderfully camp Dawid & then taken to our "pool residence" by Pat. We have a little garden, plunge pool & pagoda outside. Inside it's very nice & open plan, bathroom dominates one end with a very indoor - outdoor feel (if you see what I mean). Get unpacked at last! Go for a little explore of the grounds, nice big pool, then on to the beach for a walk. They've clearly had a storm earlier today & it's still overcast & cool, seems very quite in our resort & others along the beach, could be everyone is out on activities or hiding from the storm. The sea, however, is delightfully warm, like a really big salty bathtub. See a couple having their wedding photos taken on the beach, looks very lonely & a not very inspiring day, they look very happy though. Back in our room, have a potter, watch Total Wipeout & get ready for dinner.
Plump for the resturant by the pool as that seems to have the widest variety, Jo actually says she's hungry! Excellent meal, salmon & linguini for Jo, and beef carpaccio & ahi tuna for me. There are a few people in the resturant, so we're not alone here after all. It rains while we're in dinner but clears up for our short walk back, still very cool. Jo spots the incredible reflection of the palm trees & the moon in one of the water features, get some great shots. Back in the room for a little rest before bed time.
Oh I must mention that I put the footage of the takeoff from Lukla on the Movie page of the blog. It's well worth a look, really do only get airbourne a fraction before the edge of the cliff.
Alarm goes off at 7:30 but we don't drag ourselves up until 8. Decide I'm going for a run on the beach, Jo's much better but not up to a run. We walk down to the beach, Jo sits on a lounger & waves me off. Warm this morning, sun is quite strong for first thing, good firm sand for running, bit of an obstacle course further down, guide ropes from fishing boats, sand gives way to a rocky shelf. Turn round after 15 mins & head back, across the rock & between the guide lines, slip on the rock, fall heavily, take the skin off my elbow & knee, carry on back to our beach. Jo says what the heck happened to you!? The chaps in the beach hut are also a little concerned, I reply "Ay, a scratch, a scratch, go villain, fetch a surgeon. Call for me tomorrow & you will find me a grave man", possibly wasted on the Thai beach boys. Trot back to our room & jump straight into our plunge pool, I allow it's cooling waters to engulf me. Shower, dress & off to breakfast, big lizard sits across our path, about a metre long, quite a cute critter. Breakfast is a kinda a la carte mix & match, not sure how we're going to play it, we normally like a graze. Pastries, cereal, eggs Benedict (hollondaise source is a little bland), followed by more pastries, I think we've got the measure of it. Wander back through the little shop by reception, nice trinkets we would never buy but good selection of CDs & DVDs to borrow. Have a little sit outside our room for a while.
Get ourselves together for the afternoon scuba class by the pool. Explain to the Belgian Doris from Sea Bees we're PADI qualified but wanted a refresher. She obliges & it all comes back to us. We sign ourselves up to 2 dives in The Similian Islands on Thurs & a couple of wreck dives on Saturday. Another fella is trying it out, Jo tries to talk his wife into it, Jo's quite insistent, I think the poor girl is gong to cry. Chat a while to Cato the diver then off to see Dan the activities man to fill the rest of our time. Settle on a trip tomorrow that incorporates, trekking, waterfall & sea kayaking. Spurred on we take out the sea kayak for a little spin. As always we constantly work against each other & zigzag along the coast. I want to weave our way through the off shore rocks, Jo doesn't so we battle until we beach ourselves. Get ourselves off the rocks & zigzag our way back to our hotel.
We sit outside again chatting & checking on fb, Jo actually uses it herself. It's early evening & getting dark, the mozzies are biting us to buggery so go indoors where it's safe. Get ourselves washed & glamed up for dinner. Wander down to the beach side resturant, quite busy, they put us on the sand (with table & chairs mind). It's pretty dark so they give us these little torches on a bendy stick, would have been better with our head torches from the trail. I attach mine to my ear, it makes an excellent guide for my starter. Jo has a whole fish, I have an Andaman prawn curry with a sickly sweet banana pudding for afters. Jo goes to the loo, spots a delightful shell to add to her collection, turns out this one is occupied as it scurries off. Meanwhile I'm down on the beach trying to photograph crabs. Try & capture the magic of the lighting, the night sky & the water around the resort on the way back, don't manage to do it justice. Get changed into the jammies, Jo reads some of her book A Thousand Splendid Suns before its lights out & time for night nights.
Up early to get breakfast value before our excursion today. Very satisfying breakfast inclusive of French Toast (better than Nepal, not as good as New York). Wander over to reception for our pickup, we have a day trip to the Rachapapa Dam today, just the 2 of us as is the way at The Sarojin. Have to wait 5 mins, get given cool refreshing towels, get in the car, more towels. It's about 90 mins to the dam, interesting drive, lots of lush scenery & local villages. Arrive & transfer to our long boat, more towels. The area is a vast lake created for the hydro-electric power plant, the whole valley was flooded, towns, temples & all. We pull up in a little bay with little apartments in a row along the water. We're shown to ours, which is a lovely modern room with a double bed. We're told we can relax, relax we've been sitting down for 2 hours, or we can take a boat out, that's better. Shun the sea kayak after last nights debacle in favour of a sea cycle, we reckon we'll be better off in one of those. Trouble is our rudder doesn't work, Lam comes over with a new one, much better. We paddle off down the bay & round a few coves. Find a nice spot for a swim, Jo watches me for a while to see if I get eaten, I don't so eventually she jumps in. The water is surprisingly warm, but refreshing, very little bouyancy as it's fresh water. Have a nice swim, feel all remote next to the lush tropical islands with no one around. Soon it's time to head back for lunch.
There are a few more people in the bay now, including some Ruskies, the girls display the usual conservatism you expect from Russians on holiday. Quick dry off in our little villa & over to the floating resturant for more cool towels. We have, amongst other things, a big ugly fried fish, he is delicious. Have the rest our beer while dangling our feet in the lake. Just time for a last swim before we're back in our long boat. We're taken for a tour of the dramatic landscape created by the dam. I guess what used to be high ground, mountains & cliffs now rise up magnificently out of the deep water. It's known as little Guilin, we didn't make it to Guilin when we were in China but it does remind us of the Yatgze river & obvious similarities with the flooding. Get some great shots before heading back. Back in the car we're given yet more refreshing towels (where do they all come from) & we're off home. I'm sure the scenery is just as lush & dramatic as the way up but we miss most of it due to our napping. Back in the resort we check on our on / off diving trip tomorrow, it's on. Pop to the hotel next door which has a mini-mart to get some snackage.
There's live entrainment & an Asian buffet on tonight, we watch them get set up then pop inside to get ready. We've caught the sun a bit today so decide to go out in our jammies (perfectly acceptable inThailand), just as we're getting them on a huge thunderstorm passes over the resort, putting a damper on all the preparations. The staff hastily transfer everything to the beach resturant so we head down there. Decent music, better than the signing as is often the way, apart from a little Thai guy who's got great rhythm. Food is good as we munch our way round Japan, India, China & Thailand. Good night out, nice to have something a bit more lively than the usual hotel dinners. It's hot & sticky tonight, lightning flashes light up the sky all evening but no more rain. Back in our room to get some rest before scuba tomorrow.
Up around 7, wash up & pack for our Scuba day. Up to reception & Sea Bees (hereafter known as CBeebies) promptly pick us up, nice van too. About 30 mins to the harbour where we hop on the boat. Seems to be mostly German run & German divers, but we're put in the hands on Wendy, a craggy Australian bird. All our gear is laid out in a little box with our names on it, all very efficient as one would expect from the Germans. Our other dives have been on small boats but this is a proper dive boat, mainly full of more experienced divers with their own kit & enormous dive computers. Wendy gives us the run down on our kit, makes us put it together, it's been a while but we get the hang of it, just as well as it's our air supply. That job done we're off to breakfast, it's not a patch on The Sarojin but it's decent enough. Pop up to the upper deck for the rest of the trip to the dive site.
Wendy & her novices are dropped off after the rest where we spend some time reacquainting ourselves with the basics, mask clearing, regulator recovery, shared breathing, that sort of thing. Not a great site as most of the coral is still damaged from the Boxing day tsumami that wrecked Khao Lak 6 years ago, but its fine for practice. Have a bit of a swim & explore of some more scenic reef after our lessons. Before too long I'm down to 60 Bar & it's time to prepare for surfacing. Wendy lets off this bouy thing to mark where we're comming up. Safely back aboard the CBeebies boat, rinse of our gear, prepare the next tank for this afternoon's dive then its time for lunch which is ok & we take it on the upper deck. Wendy gives us some feedback & pointers, I find her a little patronising & over protective but I guess its best to be safe.
Soon enough we're back in the water for our 2nd dive. Much more interesting this time, lots of live reef, tropical fish all around. Some interesting bolders to swim between, gives a different perspective. We're doing much better & more confident, current is quite strong though which makes things a bit more challenging. Again the 40 mins are up all too quickly & it's time to surface. Have a good clean out when we get there, you wouldn't believe what came out of my nose. We're first out & back on the boat, make use of the space & clean water, also get first dibs on the afternoon tea. Sit upper deck, chat to Wendy, she tells us her life story, sounds pretty interesting & quite tough too, they'll probably make a film of it one day (probably a TV film rather than box office). Enjoy a beer & chat to Cato, who came to our hotel on Tuesday, she hasn't had it as tough but then she's much younger. Nearly back in the harbour & we're summoned to the captain's debrief, which he does in English for the 4 non German speakers in board, the Germans, typically, understand perfectly. Pretty soon we're back in our van & whisked back to The Sarojn.
Trot to our room where the staff have turned our bed into a scene from a Disney film. There are shells, reeds, leaves & an assortment of towels made into crabs, seals, fish & the piece de resistance Jo's hen night yeti fishing from a boat. We unpack our stuff & have a lovely shower, great to feel clean & cool after sitting on the boat in our saltiness. It's been a long day & we feel a bit pooped, I tentatively suggest room service, pleased when Jo thinks it's a great idea. Sit in our lounge with steak baguette & ravioli while we watch some drivel on TV. Shortly after dinner Jo lapses into a coma.
Leisurely rise from our slumber as really don't have much planned today. After our ablusions, dress & wander to breakfast. We have a very nice breakfast & so does the big lizard in the tree by our table, he chows down on 2 frogs, the first he swallows live, the 2nd he kinda drags across the floor repeatably to kill it first. The guy at the table next to us is a complete wose as he jumps on his chair when he sees it. After the exhaustion of breakfast we retire to our pagoda where we sit & have a read. Jo's got her book, I read an article in the Times about celebrity over 60s giving up their £200 winter fuel allowance (actually they're suggesting any pensioner with an income >£100,000 should give it up).
Eventually I drag Jo off the lounger & over to reception to pick up our bikes for our ride to the waterfall nearby. Bikes are good, proper mountain bikes, 24 gears, front & rear suspension, think I might ride it down the waterfall. Head off up our access road, few kms down the main road, turn right by the sign for the waterfall then it's a few more kms before the road comes to an end by some little huts, I guess we've made it. Hop across the steam & up the hill a bit & there we have a quite dramatic waterfall, not the biggest we've seen but big bolders with water crashing down & a pool at the bottom. It's pretty deserted so waste no time stripping off & climbing in, rather gingerly as it's quite chilly. Water is clear but rocks are slippery so make slow progress to the deeper pool at the edge of the falls. It's good & refreshing, something quite romantic about standing under a waterfall. Another chap joins us & offers to take our picture. Turns out he's a heating engineer from High Wycombe just moved to Thailand to be with his wife, Jo asks if she's learning English, might as well called him a sex tourist, which he undoubtably is. Pleasant enough chap though. All of a sudden we're overwhelmed by a big group of school children having their afternoon play. They're everywhere, climbing the rocks, dive bombing in, back flipping from the sides. Doesn't seem like the teacher has an accident book or anything. Climb out & sit a while drying off watching the little urchins run & jump around. Quick change & we're back on our bikes. It was slightly uphill on the way here so excellently this means mostly downhill on the way back. Unfortunately miss our turning so go a couple of kms past hotel & have to double back.
It's a hot day & of course being English we do all this at mid day, but we're not too sweaty on our return, still figure we've earned another lay in the pagoda. Pretty soon feeling rather warm so we slip into our own little pool, which is also kinda romantic, but mostly delightfully cool. Have to have another lay down after all that excitement before its time to get washed & dressed for cocktails on the beach. Chat with Jon & Helen (who we were talking scuba with the other day) & then joined by James & George (presuming Georgia but they are rather posh). The latter are management consultants with Deloitte & PWC respectively, I say I prefer Accenture because they send us lots of pretty girls. Have a good chat & is quite fun as everything is so couples orientated there's not many opportunities for social intercourse. In fact the consultants have been here 5 days & this is the first time we've seen them! Anyhoo, cocktails over we go for dinner on the beach where we trawl the seabed of all seafood. Candle lit beach dinner, also very romantic, hang on, anyone would think we're on honeymoon, best we get back to throwing ourselves in the sea again tomorrow.
Have a stroll along the beach, right this romance is getting out of hand, before heading back to our villa for a bit of a read before lights out.
Rise at 7, very efficient wash up & pack up means we have time for a cheeky Sarojin breakfast before our dive pickup. It is delicious, especially my favourite coconut danish & Jo's favourite banana bread. Collect our bits & over to reception for the prompt CBeebies pickup. Mini bus is nice again & we're the first, pop into The Marriott to get a portly German, 2 further stops then we're at the docks. Pass the camp sea police in thier incredibly tight uniforms. Find the CBeebies über grubenfeuer, quick g'day to Wendy & then handed over to Peter, our dive master for the day & taken through to The Runaway, our boat for the day. Peter is a younger easy going Hungarian, The Runaway is a much smaller boat than The Stingray as it's a shorter trip to the Boonsung Wreck. Peter gets us to set up our stuff like the pros we are. The we're up to the sun deck for breckie, cheese & salami rolls, very nice, trouble is they also have cucumber so Jo won't touch hers. Peter gives us a rundown of the dive as well as more signals than you can poke a semaphore at. We like it in a smaller boat, being closer to the water, great views over the sea. We like Peter too, fewer lectures (more hand signals though).
Pretty soon its time to dive in, we follow the line down as it's a wreck, actually helps equalising. Really interesting site, the wreck has come apart & covers quite an area on the bottom. It is, as our German friend put it, a fish soup. We swim around the wreck, Peter points out interesting fish, in particular Lion & Scorpion fish, & a really good Moray Eel hiding & chomping away at anything that passed by. There is one side of the ship covered in clam like shells with big zigzag jaws. All too soon I've gobbled my air, only 30 mins so quite frustrating. Peter extends as long as possible but I'm well in the red by the time we surface. Back on board we change our tanks for this afternoons dive. Back up on deck, little chat to a Duch chap who lived in Stoke & it's time for lunch of schnitzel & potato salad. Lunch & dive interval over we're back in the water. I follow Peter's lunchtime advice of not thinking too much about my breathing & minimise movement to conserve air. If there were lots of fish this morning then it's positively swimming with them this afternoon. Get some great shots of more Lion fish, Moray Ells & the like. Getting some great views of the inside of the ship, teaming with life. We swim up over part of the hull into a huge schoal, box fish right in from of our masks. I've posted some pictures & movies which don't tell the full story of how incredible it was to be in the middle of so much sea life. My air is so much better, I almost match Jo's consumption (& she's 2/3rds my size), so our dive is a good 50 mins.
Back on board get all our gear cleaned up & put away, then up on deck, go through & sign log books with Peter. Spend the rest of the time sitting together looking out to sea feeling good after such a great dive. Back in dock, then the van where we chat to yet another German friend about Weihnachtsmarkt, then pretty soon back at our hotel.
Get showered & changed, then down to the beach with the camera for sunset, only there isn't one (well obviously the sun sets but it's not dramatic). Back to the room & Rich has posted some of our wedding photos on his site, it's really slow on the iPad but we have to go through the highlights. Finally start to get ourselves ready, turn down appears, Jo hides in the bathroom in her underwear, trouble is it's completely open plan & they want to go through tidying everything, Jo takes it in her stride, as do the turn down couple. Eventually make it to dinner with the bottle of sparkling wine they gave us when we arrived. Dinner is excellent as always, Jo orders the Andaman sea on her plate, which duly arrives & she duly consumes.
Unsurprisingly Jo loses consciousness within seconds of walking through the front door. I try in vain to clear the water in my ear, I fear I'll have to get it sorted out professionally tomorrow.
Really lazy feel to this morning as it's that funny day of a holiday where you're coming home but much later in the day. Do you make use of your last day & pack more in or just relax. Easy to run out of time using your last day, easy to get bored doing nothing, especially with further gaps of not doing much ahead. We take the high risk strategy of doing nothing all day. To counter this we delay getting up till 8 & breakfast till 8:30, then in a master stroke we use up more time by having a second round of pastries. Back in the room we're really getting the hang of this by managing to do pretty much nothing till about 1 o/c. We extended our checkout further to 4 & brought our transfer forward to 6, thereby wiping an hour & a half off our doing nothing time, pure genius. Back at our pad we go for the final swim of our holiday & play Marco Polo (Jo reluctantly joins in for 1 & 1/2 goes). Then follows the drying off time & eating cashew segment important in any holiday fill time. Eventually Jo calls for our cases to be collected, I'm still dragging my heels (which is an essential part of the process). Jo says the staff have gathered at our gate, either they're here to say goodbye or they've decided a whole team is needed to clean up after us. By the time I drag myself together the heavens open & everyone scuttles off again. Our room given up we take refuge in the gift shop / library where we go through our wedding pictures Rich has just put online. It's now 5:15, 45 mins to pickup, hmmm, ah yes, I decide I'm hungry so go for a sandwich in the resturant. Timed perfectly we're done with just enough time to amble to reception & get in our car. Well done us, managed to fill a whole day without actually doing anything.
Everything looks different in the dark (as it tends to), all our other trips through town have been in the day. Looks a bit less tired in the town, restaurants look more inviting with their fairy lights on, big brightly lit tailors look smart, even the tourist tat shops look nicer. Not much else to report, good safe drive from the driver who looks barely old enough to drive. Into the airport, through bag screening, bit of a faff working out if we're domestic or international (flying to Bangkok then onto Heathrow). We're international, get boarding passes & bags checked all the way home. Queue for passport control, we haven't filled in our departure form, sent to the back of the queue, very annoying. Have a look round the tourist tat & it is real tat but manage to get a couple of bits, plus some dried mango & durian fruits for the folks back home. Find the lounge, no gin, again! Jo does the online Tesco shop, I send the girls up the high st. Soon onboard for the 1 hour flight to Bangkok, not much to report other than a delightful custard slice.
Arrive at Bangkok for the 4th time on this trip, we're herded along the CIQ route for passengers in transit (no idea what it stands for). They gave us a CIQ sticker in Phuket to put on our shirts, I'm too cool for that so didn't, now the girl at the CIQ gate won't let me through (aparently a sticker out ranks a boarding pass & passport in Bangkok airport), I find my sticker & we're allowed to move on. Next horror is the queue for security, & there's no fast track, moves quite quickly though & we're soon through the full body scanners. I drop Jo in the lounge to continue her online Sainsbury order while I get a G&T & go for a smoke. Get back & Jo is still shopping, have to drag her to the gate (which is only 2 mins away), still shopping. Gate says Final Call, but they're not actually boarding, but we soon are & sitting comfortably upstairs with our champagne, Jo dinally has to give uo the online order. Captain mumbles something about not being able to take off 'cause we'll get to Heathrow before 6, but the flight was scheduled to get in at 6:20, Jo suggests it may be something to do with the end of BST, which is a sensible possibility, just wouldn't have thought the clocks changing would have come as a surprise to an international airline. Never mind it's only 20 mins & I take the opportunity of asking Kayla whether we should watch Captain America or The Green Lantern, she says Captain America & soon we're up in the air. A G&T & start of the film later, dinner is served, we go for the prawn gratin, which is very good. I continue with the champagne, Jo's glass is surprisingly empty for long periods, surely she can't have gone off the bubbly. Rest of dinner is good, including the tripple chocolate pudding. Not that impressed with the film (sorry Kayla's), I guess it's in the comic book style so you should just go with the story & accept the flimsy plot but it just didn't work. Jo doesn't really stay awake till the end, I persevere before reclining to night night position. Jo seems to get some decent sleep, she's very still anyway, I get some but toss continuously.
Safely landed at Heathrow at 6 on the dot, there's a problem with the door or something so we're all sent back to our seats. Shortly allowed off, see a family with a police officer at the end of the trunk, wonder if that was the real holdup. Usual Heathrow marathon to passport control, where as usual queue for EU passports, none for foreigners, complete opposite to every other country. But its only 5 mins & we're at baggage, where ours are pretty much the first 3 off & we're on our way. Met by nice man from Addison Lee, where Jo makes use the WiFi to finish the Sainsburys order at last. Nice run through town, funny to see the ice rink outside The Natural History Museum & Christmas decorations all around (there were none when we left). Home by 8:15 & time to pop up to Le Moulin for breakfast.
Stats (last year in brackets)
Number or flights - 6 (9)
Distance travelled - 19,998 km (25,633 km)
Modes of transport - 7 - car, plane, mini-van, feet, long boat, catamaran, boat (8)
Distance trekked - 141 km (32 km)
Time on the trail - 16 days (73 hrs)
Max altitude - 5,550 m (4,200 m)
Holiday started with a lovely treat from my girls. Rachael & Michaela took us out for a surprise trip to London. Coffee & a treat in the warf, ride on the London Eye, walk along the South Bank (Kayla & me taking loads of pictures with our respective fancy cameras), then lunch in Pizza Express.
Nice relaxed start to the day today with Eggs Benedict, Waitrose Bear Claw & Classic FM on the iPad, followed by Mythbusters on the sofa. Last of the jobs done & just enough time for a mini rest before setting off about 12:30. Decided to go through London, pretty good run, little sticky in the middle as expected but made good time. Quick check in (boot bag a little heavy but we're only using half our luggage allowance) & fast track through security. Get a bit of duty free shopping, usual Kahlua, smokes, Molton Brown, then off to the lounge. Excellent chicken korma and refreshing gin & tonic. Have an update of fb, game of Words With Friends with Adam, Malary, Jen & my sister, then a game of Catchprase with Jo, it's a little annoying you can't pass on the ones that are impossible to guess. Soon it's time to amble to the gate, get seated & receive our glass of champagne. Captain tells us we're all aboard with 9 mins to spare, what efficient mammals we all are. Flirt with the sort in the next row, Jo not impressed but then she talks incessantly & I want to strangle her, Jo is put at ease. In the air shortly after & time for another G&T.
Dinner is served, we both have duck terrine to start, I have the smoked salmon salad for mains (ain't I good), Jo has the beef with parmesan crust (also very good, I had it on the way to NY couple weeks ago). Champagne flows like wine. Jo watches Puss in Boots & Downton Abbey, I watch Drive. I expect it to be some dumb Hollywood action caper, but turns out to be a smouldering, atmospheric indie flick, kinda odd but ok. Settle down for a little rest after. I toss quite lot while I'm laying down but not too much sleep. Decide to watch American Werewolf in London, a classic but criminally they cut the Jenny Aggiter naked shower scene. Shortly afternoon tea arrives, travelling does mess you up, afternoon tea at 2am. Its good though as I help Jo out with hers.
Excellent smooth landing, just as take off was. We're slightly early & make it to baggage reclaim 14 mins after touch down. Have an excrutiating wait for our cases, they seem to come up in 3s, with long gaps in between. Fortunately our skis arive on the oversize belt just as we get there. Through the rest of the terminal and Bill is dutifully waiting there, just as he was last year. Pretty uneventful but smooth & quick run up to the resort, about 1hr 50mins I reckon. Safely checked in at the East tower we decide to pop to the supermarket to get our supplies for the week. All our favourites are still in the village, no reappearance of The Second Cup (not yet anyhoo). Stocked up we wander back, unpack, shower & time for a bowl of cereal before bed.
Not a bad night sleep all in all, got off ok, woke up quite a lot but pretty much through to the alarm at 7 o/c. Decide that we should have breakfast in the hotel today so get our base layers on & wander down. Really don't know why people come down to breakfast all kitted out, it can't be comfortable & must be so hot. Anyhoo, oatmeal starters, wonderfull Eggs Benedict, little scrambled egg & salmon & a pancake finale. All small portions, honest. Waddle back up to the room, get our clobber on, have a faff with the Bluetooth connection between my helmet & Blackberry. It plays fine, switches between phone & music but I can't get it to stop / start from the helmet buttons. Shame cause I just bought a 16 giggawiggle card for my Bberry. Helmet problems aside, pretty efficient get go & we're off to the lift. No queue, jump pretty much straight in a gondola with ski instructor & her 3 students, all about 4. Funny, sweet little critters.
Up at the Roundhouse, feeling a little rusty. Set off, obviously a little rusty, have a little fall. Head down Pony Trail, Banna Peel, Bear Cub & into the Holmes Express (Big Red). The cloud is pretty thick at mid levels so we decide to head over to Symphony, via Harmony & the blue GS. Cloud is really thick at the top of Symphony, have another little fall when coliding with a guy, neither of us saw each other until it was too late. Continue to have anoying falls until the cloud clears. Lower section is better, I some how manange to find some vertical off piste moguls. Jo is impressed at my ability to hunt them out (or maybe she was being sarcastic). Have several good runs down, Jeff's Ode to Joy, Adagio, Staccato Glades & quite a lot of off piste through the trees. Decide its time for a coffee break so head over to the Chic Pea for a hot drink, chocolate bar & a little rest. Its getting late, after 2, so plan just a few more runs before heading down. Head for the black run Bear Paw but the cloud is so thick decide it's not a good idea. Next run we head for Jimmy Joker, its a mogul black & they are big skiier eating moguls, do pretty well all things considered. Plan our run down, head for the nice green Pony Trail, I figure we've got to stay high but it's all looking pretty off piste, Jo thinks I'm doing it on purpose but really I'm not. I wait at a junciton for ages for Jo to arrive, I ask if she's been for a cup of tea. Apparently not, she came to a steep section, got spun round by a mogul, went down backwards, lost a ski & bumped half way down on her ass. She's ok so head down Dave Murray, Tokem & the run home along Crabapple, Lower Fantastic & into the village.
Back in the room for a tiny rest before heading to the spa. Outdoor hot tub is packed, indoor bubble maker is broken & it's looking a little scuzzy. Pop into the sauna, where the fit young Swedish bird is very popular with various sauna inhabitants (sorry Craig, forgot to take the camera to the sauna again). Fight off Swedish bird to get back to the room, shower & rest in front of Mythbusters before this evenings exhersions.
Feeling rather tired stagger out to The Keg. It's raining out tonight, manage to walk most of the way under cover. The Keg is as delightful as ever, two beers & two steak / seafood combos later we're ready for bed. Stagger back to the room, via drug store for the shaving gel I forgot. By 8:50 we're in the jammies watching King of Queens in bed.
Fall count Rob 6, Jo 3
Smokes 5
Beers 2
Saw about 5 mins of King of Queens, so we'll never find out why Doug was lying to Carrie, more importanly we'll never find out what a hot girl like Carrie is doing with an elephant like Doug. Combination of time zone adjustment & going to sleep before 9 o/c means wake up quite a lot in the night. Gets to 6 o/c & the sheets are a mess from all my tossing. Decide to get up at 6:30 to get breakfast prepared before Jo wakes up, but out she pops 5 mins later, turns out she couldn't sleep either, although funnily she wasn't tossing in bed (Keith, let me know when this joke gets tired). Have an ecclectic mix of maple outmeal with Aunt Jemima on top, raisin muffin (English), juice & coffee. Watch a bit of resort TV, until it's on the 3rd loop & we want to kill the overly excitable presenters.
Get to the lift at 9:15 (not sure where those 2 3/4 hours went since getting up), we're going up Blackcomb today. It's very cloudy lower mid mountain. Up Jersey Cream & it's a lot brighter so have a few runs down there. Got my helemt cam on today so film some runs until I fall in the pow & it doesn't work again (the bump just knocked the charge out, it was fine when we got back). Next we head up Glacier Express & take a mixture of off piste & blue runs. Final run before lunch is down Blue Line (I take a detour on the black Dakine), then we both take the black The Bite down to the Glacier Creek Lodge. I'm starving so have a tasty chicken burger, Jo satisfies herself on a 6 month out of date Whisper (its all hard & stiff, not sure what satisfaction she can get from that). Coffee & Tea, both have a wee & we're off again. Up and across to 7th Heaven, I take the black mogul Sunburn down to the chair, Jo's not having any of it. It's windy & bleak at the top but it soon clears within 100m. Take several runs down, alternating between the excellent sweeping blues of Clound 9 & Panorama and the off piste / black run Everglades (actually I'm not sure if we ever took the run). Jo decides she's had enough & is going to save her legs for the run down so she sends me up for one last go of silly buggers on my own. I must say I do a good job of the off piste bumps, not that there's anyone to vouch for that. Jo's going to film me coming down Sunburn for the last time but the memory card is full, which is just as well cause my legs are ready to give out.
I promise we can take the piste on the way down, Jo plots a long green with a few blues into the village. I agree that's a good plan, but....we could take a shorter green, the black Catskinner, then some blues. Jo rolls her eyes & agrees. Turns out Jo may have a point as the usually fast, beautifully groomed Catskinner is a mogul minefield. Back on the greens for the run home, except....I spot a cheeky black on the way. It only looks a short one, not too steep,
Jo says she'll meet me at the bottom. Two problems with that plan, the road at the bottom is not a run, it's just a track so Gear Jammer runs for a long way, gets steeper & is a pow paradise (maybe not a paradise at the end of a long day). We speak on the phone & agree to meet in the village. Jo takes the excrutiating long green, I take the blue Lower Gear Jammer. I turn left at the Tube Park, go past a petrol pump, sense I may have taken a wrong turn. Meet a chap from Long Island, Chris, who's hiking up the hill. We decide that this is definitely the wrong route, I assure Chris that all we have to do is cut across the Tube Park & we're golden, Chris is not so sure (can't really blame him coming from someone who's stupid enough to ski passed a petrol pump without thinking somethings wrong). I am true to my word, we cut across the car park & find the run down by the Park. We part company like two men who's faced the nightmare of being lost in the wilderness in the depth of winter & come out alive. Find Jo a triffle paniky in the village. Hike back to the room, quick change of footwear & back out for 2 skinny vanilla lattes (Jo had been promising herself that all the way down). Coffee finished we're down in the spa for a delightful outdoor hot tub then into the sauna. No fit Swedes today but 2 fat Turks (I got some pictures of them for you Craig). Back up to the room ready for our nocturnal excursions.
Our nocturnal excursions extend to walking almost the whole length of the village to The Brew House, it's tough but we make it. Enjoy a few beers & some fush & chups (as our Kiwi cousins would say). It's all good but we leave most of the batter & nearly all the chups. They play Fake Plastic Trees. Wander back to the hotel, Jo takes us on a shortcut, which after 10 mins brings us back to the same spot, proving she is indeed now a Thomas. Back in the hotel we're in the jammies & into bed with Family Guy by 8:30. Upload the helmet cam footage but the iPad won't play it so we'll have to wait until we get home to see if it's any good.
Falls Rob 3 Jo 1
Smokes 4
Beers 5 (accumulative)
Saw about 5 mins of Family Guy, so will never find out what a hot girl like Louis is doing with an elephant like Peter. Wake up a few times, gets to 6:30 & I just can't toss any more (Keith said keep going), so get up & make breakfast. Drag Jo out of bed by her hair & feed her oatmeal & muffin. Try in vain to get some news on the iPad, not helped that every time my backs turned Jo's playing Bejeweled on it. Manage to get some resort news, 14cm of snow fell in the last 24 hours!
Head up Blackcomb again today, usual gloomy, cloudy mid mountain, clears a bit by the time we get to Jersey Cream, better still when we get to the top. It's very quiet today & the pow is soft & fuffy. Have a great run down Jim Wishbone & into Zig Zag, it's fast & although there's lots of snow the skis run nicely through the powder. Up Excellerator & run down Honeycomb to the Solar Coaster. From there we attempt a trilogy of gladed black runs. First up is Where's Joe (fitting), Jo is tentative at first, it's pretty steep with lots of moguls, I assure her it will be fine & for some reason she believes me. This time I'm right, we have a fantastic run down, weaving through the trees, carving through the pow and on the occasion we fall over, snow is soft & accomadating. There's no holding Jo back as we tick off the rest of the runs, Raptors Ride, Watch Out & Yard Sale. Some steeper & gnarlier but we manage them all with some style (watch the video & judge for yourself).
Head over to the Glacier Creek Lodge where we have a slice of pizza & share a Milo bar. What started as a usual gloomy day has turned into blue skies & sunshine and with perfect snow it's one of our best ski days ever. We're reconsidering our plan of finishing earlier, to avoid being completely knackered & unable to walk (due to being knackered Jo has no other reason for walking funny). We head back up to the Rendezvous & take the lumpy Catskinner into yet another gladed run, So Sweet & into Slingshot. Back up & down Catskinner, then into Back Magic, what it lacks in trees it more than makes up for in steepness & giant icy moguls, a different proposition from the fluffy ones of the morning. Jo's legs are starting to burn so takes the very wise decision to head down. I equally make the wise decission of going with her, otherwise I'd probably end up in Banf.
Back in the hotel we relax with a Kahlua or two & watch our favourite Man Tracker & other rubbish before dinner. Read on fb Tubs celebrating a point for the gooners, which reminded me to check on tonights results, we won & City scum lost, back level on points. Dinner tonight is the Bavarian Schnitzel House. Have a bit of a wander to find it but find it we do. After struggling with a litre of weissbeer last year I vowed not to attempt again, so I order a litre of weissbeer. I have schnitzel, Jo has pork with stuffing, all good. Wander back to the room, in bed & watched 3 mins of Everyone Loves Raymond. I can't remember the name of the doris wife but she's not too hot for Raymond.
Fall count Rob 3 - Jo 3
Smoke count 4
Beer count 8 (aggregate)
Thanks Jem, is that an accumulation of snow for 1 snowman per household or 1 for the whole country? JoJo sends wet kisses back, she can not go passed any store without saying Ooo, I could get that for Oliver (although what a 2 year old would do with a Girls of Whistler calendar I don't know).
A little light tossing before rising this morning. Breakfast of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, raisin muffin, juice & coffee. Watch rubbish news & a new show about a shop that sells all sorts of oddities, giant crab claws, mummies hand & some doris that comes in selling nail clippings. It really was as weird as it sounds. Banale TV drives us out a little earlier this morning, we're going up Whistler. Ride the gondola up to The Roundhouse & have a practice run down Little Red Run. Next run down Ptarmigan, well groomed, fast piste with lots of rollers. I show off skiing backwards into the lift but miss judge the gutter at the side of the chair & fall in the ditch, takes me ages to get out, thankfully there's only about 2 people in the queue. Realise on the lift I've lost the helmet cam in my fall, nothing we can do but stay on the chair & run down. I take the super fast black Raven & make it back to the chair in record time & retrieve the camera. Next up we take the mens Olympic downhill, the Upper & Lower Dave Murray. Good & quick at the top, a mogul field in the middle (you can go round but we felt it was cheating), then into thick cloud in the lower section. Back up the Creekside gondola & up to the peak. Take the Upper Peak to Creek, it's good & fast, then along Highway 86 back to the Holmes express. Up to the peak again & down the very steep & fast Saddle, then into the pow at Franz's Meadows. Gentle run down the green Whiskey Jack to the Chic Pea for lunch.
We have our all time Whistler favourite lunch, Moroccan Beef Stew (with naan bread). Chic Pea plays Radiohead hits all through lunch. After lunch we do the top of Dave Murray into the Bear Paw. The latter is a great steep, winding black with lots of rollers to get some air. Check out the gladed black Unsanctioned on the way, Jo quotes three reasons for not attempting 1) it's outside the ski boundary 2) it's seriously full of trees 3) the massive ski at your own risk warning sign. Not detered we head down Raven & check out another gladed run Club 21, which we take on. It's gnarlier & less skied than the ones we enjoyed on Blackcomb yesterday, Jo doesn't enjoy it one bit. I stick with it to the very end & get channeled into a narrow track hurtling me towards the piste, with no room to slow I have an idea to grab on to a tree, as I approach at speed I think better of it & pull out at the last second. I'm still flying along go over a jump & land safely on the piste, more luck than judgement. Down at the lift, tell Jo my story laughing my head off, she just gives me a stern look. Run down Dave Murray again & into Tokum, there's a gladed run off the side but don't even consider mentioning it. Jo lets me loose to do one last run on my own before heading down. I choose Dave Murray & Bear Paw, it's good & fast. Take the same run down with Jo, then into Crabapple & Northern Lights for the run into the village.
Safely into the village, we grab a coffee from BigBucks & back to the hotel. Catch up on news from home & watch Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, then Jo watches some reality bride horror programme, all have big jugs, but drag myself away for a shower before dinner. Head to Earls but they have a 40 min wait, put our name down but head round the corner to Brandy's where we have a couple of beers and share a burger & chicken strips while watching the hockey. Tonight the Vancouver Mooseheads were playing the Detroit Chicken Wings, the Chicken Wings won 4-3, boo. Stop at the supermarket to top up supplies & for Jo to get something to leash my camera. Back in the hotel Jo does indeed use equipment for purposes it was never intended & fashions a sturdy leash. Realise it's nearly 10 so rush to bed before we turn into pumpkins.
Fall count Rob 1 Jo 1
Smoke count 4
Beer count 11
Up & out early this morning as we're doing Fresh Tracks, which is early access to the mountain with breakfast thrown in. Get to the Roundhouse about 7:50, get juice & our savoury course and coffee & French Toast / waffle course. Get out just after the bell goes & set off down Whiskey Jack to the Garbanzo Express. Have a few more runs, taking in Raven, Enchanted Forest & Ptarmigan until Harmony opens. Ski over to the lift down the fast GS, then up & along Harmony Ridge. Up again, along the ridge then into the Boomer Bowl. Bit tricky making the first turn in the deep pow on such a steep slope but we negotiate it, then along to my nemisis from many previous encounters, Gun Barrells. They're a pair of narrow, tree filled steep moguls. In previous years they've been super icy, but this year there's much more pow to make the turns more forgiving. We takle together & other than Jo's little fall we emerge unscathed. Back up & head over to Symphony where we take a run down the piste & a couple through the trees. Jo sits a run out & I go a little off piste (well quite a lot off piste).
Time for a little break so we head across & down to the Chic Pea, where we strip off & sit in the sun. It's a glorious warm, sunny day. I take a little excursion to the black run Seppo's, well it's more off than piste. Jo & I attempted last year & she vowed never to return. I cope pretty well. Then for the rest of the afternoon we alternate between the super fast, super steep blacks of Raven & Ptarmigan (the women's olympic downhill) and Dave Murray into Bear Paw. I smoke just about everyone on the mountain as I clock a top speed of 95.8 km/h. Speaking of smoking on the mountain, we clock a couple of smoking hot topless boarder babes going down on Dave Murray. Well they have bras on, but still, & they just happen to be going down Bear Paw so we ski down together. Jo wants to get a picture of us all together, but they just don't stay still long enough. Just as well really, it's still a bit chilly for that & they could have had my eye out. Back up for one last run down Raven & Ptarmigan then into Crabapple for the run home.
Back in the hotel for a cup of tea & catch up on whats happening in the world. Get a lovely email from Oliver, seems that he's missing aunty JoJo. Off to the Tandori Grill tonight, well it is Friday night & Friday night is curry night, just a shame Rachael & Kayla can't join us. We have chickens Palak & tikka masala with lentils washed down with some Kingfishers. It's a cold walk from the other end of the village. We see & hear the avalanche blasting on the mountain this evening. Back in the room just after 9pm & in bed with Bear Grylls.
Fall count Rob 2 (both on piste, both fast) Jo 1
Smoke count 4 (predicted)
Beer count 13 (predicted aggregate)
Stats (until GPS packed up about 1:30pm)
Distance - 51 km
Top speed - 95.8 km/h
Drag ourselves up at 7:30 for our leasurely day off. We've done all of the active adventures in Whistler, some two or three times, so we really can't think of anything worthwhile doing, other than relaxing. Quick wash & freshen up, then amble down to breakfast. I start with Fruit Loops before moving on to Eggs Benedict, pancakes & pastries, Jo is a little more reserved. Back up to the room for another rest before heading out to the shops. Not unlike the activities we've already got most things worth getting & so have the kids for that matter. Manage to find a couple of tops for us and an assortment of gifts for an assortment of kids. Grab a little coffeelie wafflie on the way back, when we have another little rest. Next it's down to the spa to enjoy some sauna & hot tub before the hoards come off the slopes, it's pretty empty so good call.
It's winter pride week next week (which is fine) and we notice more manly couples around the place. Now maybe it's a bit like Bangkok, where although it is perfectly fine for men to holiday together, especially a more active destination, but during gay pride week one can't help noticing different couples. It really is fine either way, just interesting to note demographics. After the spa we really are in need of a rest, so we flop on the bed & put a film on. The best on offer is GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra, a truly, truly awful film, but fine for background nonesence.
Gets to 6:30 so we really must drag ourselves up & out. Tonight we're heading for Dusty's in Creekside, get a cab outside the hotel & we're there in a jiffy. Grab ourselves a couple of beers & watch the hockey, tonight the Edmonton Budgie Smugglers are out for Canadian revenge against the Detroit Chicken Wings. Not a big menu but an excellent sounding Champ burger, which we both go for (terrible really as we can't justify based on a physically demanding day). The burgers are good though & Edmonton are 3-1 up. Order another couple of beers as the band comes on, a two piece, singer / rhythm guitar & lead guitar. The Chicken Wings equalise at 3-3. An ecclectic mix from the band as they play their own songs along with covers from Greenday's Time of Your Life to Buddy Holly, they're pretty good though. Meanwhile the Budgie Smugglers win on penalties. Half time in the set it's 10 o/c so we call time on Dusty's & get a cab back to the hotel. An all round fun evening, one we'll add to our list of nights out in future.
Back home & just enough time to upload the blog & catch some programme on Discovery before packing down way passed our bed time.
Fall count Rob 0 - Jo 0
Smoke count 4 (1 before Dusty's)
Beer count 16
Back to the usual routine after our laziness yesterday, up at 7, breakfast & in the lift up Blackcomb by 9 o/c. Take a run down the blue Ross's Gold then over to 7th Heaven to the delightful open spaces & the best of the weather. Take the run of the day Hughes Heaven, it's good, groomed & fast at the top but really icy at the bottom. Back up the lift aiming for an off piste but it's a horror minefield of jagged ice as hard as concrete, so even I ski out & back onto the piste. Decide 7th Heaven is not the run of the day for us so head back to mid mountain. Take a run down Springboard & it's much nicer, well groomed & fast. Catskinner is next, it was soft & lumpy last week but now it's groomed, steep & fast, I clock my top speed of 103 km/h in the 2nd of the 3 runs we take. We use the Catskinner chair, which is old & rather slow but with great views of the kids doing jumps in the terrain park next door. Take a little short cut through the gladed run So Sweet, its rutted & hard, not at all pleasent.
Head over to the Glacier Creek Lodge for our lunch stop, our favourite place on Blackcomb. Share a slice of pizza & a treat each then we're refueld & ready to go for the afternoon. Tick off the mid mountain runs on the backside as it's in pretty good condition & we haven't done these yet this trip. Rock n Roll first, then along Ridge Runner where I take the gladed black Arthur's Choice, it's a little hard but better than most being more shaded from the sun over the last couple of days. Every tree has yellow patches around it, either animals or animal boarders, either way a good reason not to fall going round the trees. We take a couple of runs down White Light & Trapline before getting the last Crystal Chair up for the run down. This time I take the bottom of Straight Shot, not surprisingly it's hard & icy. Down Zig Zag, into Shorthorn, round the tube park & into the village.
Drop our skis at the valet & over to guest services to book our lesson. Trouble is they reckon our lesson tickets have already been issued at the hotel. Quick change in the hotel & check with the concierge who sorts out the mistake for us & we're all booked in for tomorrow afternoon. Take our skis over to the tuning centre to get them sharpened up for the harder conditions. Grab a coffee on the way back & watch Wedding Crashers until it's time for dinner. Out at Sushi Village tonight, it's very popular so this is the best time to walk in & get a table, while the Americans are watching the fruit bowl & the tourists are watching the Fire & Ice show. Get seated at the sushi bar as we like, have tempura, chicken yakatori, seafood goysa, soft shell crab rolls & tuna sushi. All excellent, I say arigato to the sushi chef (I learned that from Kill Bill). Get chatting to an older Ozzie couple outside the chocolate shop, hear their tales of travelling around North America, very pleasant, from Melbourne I reckon. Back in the room where Jo grabs herself a Kahlua to watch probably the weirdest Family Guy ever in bed.
Fall count Rob 0 Jo 0
Smoke count 3
Beer count 19
Stats (until GPS packed up about 2:00pm)
Distance - 58 km
Top speed - 103 km/h
Usual get up around 7, breakfast & BBC World News. Update on the big freeze across Eastern Europe from the BBC & the big freeze in Sidcup from Jo's mum. Get out in good time, over to the Carlton lodge to pick up our lesson ticket & our freshly tuned skis. Bit of a queue at the Whistler gondola but it moves quite quickly. Take a run down the Upper Dave Murray, it's good & groomed so carry on to the Lower Dave Murray. Back up in the Creekside gondola & Holmes express, then all the way back down again. Up again & down the length of the Dave Murray once more, put in a time of 5m 19.64s. Up to the Roundhouse & just enough time to go down Fish Eye & Lower Franz before our pre-lesson coffee stop. Our first trip to the Roundhouse, it's big & it's packed, find a bench, this is why we stick to the smaller, quieter establishments. Refueld with a hot drink & a treat, ready for our lesson.
Head up to the meeting point & give a run down to the chap on what we're looking for, basically a bit of a refresh of our technique & more confidence in the rough stuff. The instructors quiz the other trainees looking for groups (up to 4) to go together. A chap turns up & says he does blues & occaisonally blacks, an instructor suggest he goes with us, no I say, we only ski blacks! With the welk put to one side we're on our own with our instructor John. John doesn't pull any punches as he takes us off piste on a short cut to Harmony. I mention this to him at the lift, he says we're just warming up. Off the top we head along Harmony Ridge to a bowl by the name of Low Roll. Although we have skied some bowls they're not our favourite, but we feel more confident with John. He gives some technical work & we do quite well. A few more bumps on the way down, I make a complete mess on one of them. Back up Harmony & some more work on our technique off the back, not sure where, we just go where ever John tells us. On the next lift, John gives us little of his background, he's originally from Twickenham, left England in the 70s with 350 quid in his pocket & spent the next decade travelling the world. Nepal, South East Asia, Australasia, all over land or working on fishing boats. Jo is intrigued & presses him further. He tells us about living in fishing villages on islands in the South Pacific, getting married (to a much younger woman) & going back there when his kids were little. Back to the skiing, John takes us into some bowls off the peak & down the double diamond black Cockalorum. We ski well down such a steep pitch with bumps, linking our turns & completing with some aplomb. Ski down to the Holmes express & say a fond farewell to John. He was an excellent instructor, he really developed our technique & judged it exactly right, taking us places to challenge & develop our ability. It was great to see Jo looking so confident, he ranks up there with shouty Frank & Matt the jock. We really feel this has opened up more of the mountain for us to explore with confidence. Our lesson over, we have a little time before the lifts shut. Take a run down the the icy moguls of Wild Card, linking our turns all the way down & looking good. Back up for one last run of the day, fast down Upper Dave Murray, into Tokum & the run home.
Back in the village, hand our skis to the valet & grab a mocha from the Lifty Coffee place. Back in the room for a rest & watch Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares. Next up on the TV is a truly awful programme about women who can't control their spending, I leave Jo to it & have a shower. I come back to find Jo a-gasped at the horror of it all. Jo finds Total Wipeout Canada when she gets out. Eventually I drag her off the sofa for dinner at Earls, hope we make it this time. There's a little wait for a table so we make ourselves home at the bar. We are teased by our favourite Albino Rhino but the barrel has run dry. Jo has a Kokanee, I have a Hoegarden while we warch Crashed Ice on the big screen (kinda cross between ice hocky & ski cross). Get settled in our booth & order, the waitress mistakenly tries to deliver the 8kgs of meat to me but Jo claims the giant bovine ribcage with half a chicken on the side. Food is very tasty, Jo barely h to use her knife on her ribs, my chicken & brie is good too. We settle up at 8:55, rush to get back to our hotel but it's no use, we turn into oversized orange vegatables on the way. Back in our room, in our jammies & in bed ro see the final of Crashed Ice.
Fall count Rob 1 Jo 1
Smoke count 3
Beer count 22
Dave Murray record - 5'19:64"
Actually Allan & Chand, I haven't included all my trips going back before the days of the blog. You may notice my homeland is missing also. I have been to Tunisia so have taken in North Africa, but we're planning to trek Killimanjaro this year so will take in Africa proper. Allan, I'll speak to you & your sisters about our family holiday.
As a treat, Jo makes breakfast this morning, not as good as mine obviously, I mean making instant oatmeal in the microwave is a skilled job. Watch some BBC World, then a wonderfully awful programme called Canada's Greatest Know-it-all. Get out by 9 & up Whistler for the last time. As a warm up go for the full Dave Murray. I've got my GPS watch ready, helmet cam a go & we're off. I do my best Graham Bell impression, "down through the compression", "onto the flat, gotta let the skis run", "over the jump, winding the windows down", only to realise the camera packed up about 5 secs in. GPS didn't pick up a satellite either, gadgets eh. Speaking of gadgets, saw an advert for this integrated GPS goggles that show piste map, speed, jump distance, outstanding Swap trades (may have made up the last one). Gotta get me one of those. Next we head up to the peak for some bowl action. Start with Glacier Bowl, Surprise, then back up for the double diamond Cockalorum. Back up to the peak & do them all over again. We're looking pretty good after our lesson yesterday, Jo's confidence has rocketed.
Down to the Chic Pea for lunch, Moroccan Beef Stew, our favourite. It's sunny & warm in the hut. Quick run down Dave then up for some more bowls off Harmony, via the steep mogul field Chunky's Choice. Take on Low Roll, Back Bowl & Boomer Bowl. Back up Harmony & do it all again. Jo has become a complete bowl junky. Next up we attempt the bowl off the top of Harmony, Little Whistler. This is altogether a different proposition, what looked steep but inviting from the lift is full of moguls the size of Volkswagens. All that said we do well. Back up in the lift, we see a guy fall the whole length of Little Whistler, he looses his skis & poles at the top & bounces down on his ass, looked painful. We go along Harmony Ridge (on our skis not our asses), find some bumps on the way, along Sidewinder then catch the last Emerald chair up for the run home. Good fast run down Dave Murray & Token, then into Crabapple & into the village.
Hand our skis to the valet, grab a coffee from the handy but slow Lift Coffee place. Have a sit on the sofa & watch our favourite Ink Master programme & book a box at the Royal Opera House. Head out to the Garibaldi Lift Company, grab a burger, a few Bear Paw honey lagers & watch the hockey (as us Canadians love to do). Tonight the Vancouver Mooseheads beat the Nashville Creditors 4-3 in a shoot out . Got to love these American sports that just don't do draws. Such is the efficiency of a bar meal we have time to pop to the supermarket for some milk & holiday cookies & still be in bed before 9. Catch the end of Futurama, into Family Guy & if by some miracle I stay awake, Robot Chicken.
Posted some footage of our new found bowl love, so check out the movie section & see what you think.
Fall count Rob 0 Jo 2
Smoke count 4
Beer count 25
Back to normal as I wait on Jo like a Princess, serving her Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Watch some BBC news, then some weeler dealer programme on Discovery. Get out in good time & up Blackcomb, gondola & 3 lifts all the way to 7th Heaven. It's really cloudy & flat light on the peak so our plans of skiing the bowls go on the back burner. Still manage to sneak in a black on the way down, Dakine. I'm standing on the edge ready to go, Jo is not so sure. I ski the top section fine then slip & slide half way down, I just can't get my ski to grip again. Jo on the other hand skis it beautifully. Take a run down another black, The Bite on the way back down to the Jersey Cream where the weather is brightening up. Getting on the chair the mad (but rather cute) lifty girl spots my helmet cam & does a little dance, I don't have the heart to tell her it's not on. We have three runs on the double diamond Jersey Cream Bowl, all with great confidence, including the most difficult pitch straight off the lift. In stark contrast to the relatively tame Dakine, Jo just skis straight out into the bowl while I take a look first. Jo's confidence bubbling over we head back to the peak to look for the bowls again. We eventually find Secret Bowl but it's roped off with a sign "risk of life, not recomended for skiing or riding". I'm still keen, Jo returns to her more reserved self. The more respectable blacks Dakine & Staircase are taken in on the way to lunch.
Lunch today is at our Blackcomb favourite Glacier Creek, where we have pizza & share a Milo bar. Catch up on news from home over lunch, reported on Reuters, Indian MPs sacked for watching porn in parliament. Sounds a bit harsh, it must get boring sometimes. It's started snowing while we're in for lunch, light at first but getting a lot harder. With the Blackcomb bowls out of the question we head over to Whistler on the Peak to Peak. Our first peak to peak of the trip, contrary to previous years it's virtually deserted, there's 2 other people in the gondola with us. Over on Whistler it's still snowing so the Peak & Harmony are, devastatingly, out of the question. Decide to do the full Dave Murrary for the last time. Finally my helmet cam decides to work & I give a full Graham Bell comentary (difficult to pick up over the wind noise though). It's quick but The run is much lumpier now so my earlier record will stand for at least a year. Back up & do Franz Meadows & Lower Franz, followed by Upper Dave Murray & Bear Paw. The snow is really heavy now, Jo takes a picture of me looking like a snowman on the ski lift. Next up we take the black Ravan & Ptarmigan. Even with visibility down to 5 metres I'm still flying down Ptarmigan, I see a wall of snow build up, I take evasive action & litterally fly over the roller. Don't think I even touched the next slope, just landed at the bottom. Just time for one last lift and our favourite run in, Dave Murrary, Tokem, Crabapple & into the village.
Hand our skis to the valet & straight back to the hotel for a cheeky spa. I'm changing out of my socks & comment they're a trifle wiffy after another day on the mountain, Jo thinking I'm exagerating, grabs them off me, takes a deep breath & nearly chokes, I'm not exagerating. Share the hot tub with our new gay friends, then have the sauna to ourselves. Sufficiently cooked we're back up for a shower & time for some rubbish on TV before it's Keg time. Get a text from Jemma, she reckons she's going to get 9 inches at the weekend, should be a lot of fun! Speaking of stuffed, the Keg lives up to it's usual standard. We order 2 steak / seafood combos & some Molson Canadians & can barely get our coats back on. It's dangerously close to pumpkin time but we stop to laugh at some Germans slipping on the ice on the bridge that we nearly went ass over tit on the way out. Just miss our 9 o/c curfew but are in bed with Ice Road Truckers soon after.
Fall count Rob 2 Jo 0
Smoke count 3
Beer count 25
Dave Murray - 5'42:19"
Distance - 57km
Max speed - 100 km/h
Ave speed - 14.2 km/h
Metres descended - 6,625
Arise at 7am, little watch of the news in our jammies then down to breakfast. Jo has a reasonable sized breakfast, I have virtually everything, including their excellent Eggs Benedict & the wonderful blueberry pancakes. Check with reception on check out & it's a stonewall 11 o/c, they're full to the rafters. So we're upstairs to do our packing & there will be some 5 hours to kill after. Pretty efficient, pretty soon realise we're taking home more than we brought so our rucksack is going to have to become another case. Get done with about 30 mins to spare, so a little sit in front of the TV. Get our bags picked up & off out to do the last of the shopping (without considering too much where it's going to go). Get some good stuff, t-shirts, hats, cuddly mooses & back to the hotel. Print our boarding passes at the business centre. We plan to go through our wedding photos to get them down to the requisit 90 or so from 120 we whittled it down to at new year. Jo sensibly checks the rate before swiping our card, it's 59c p minute! We reckon it will take at least an hour so $36 + tax minimum, what a rip off. Jo waivers for a minute but we agree we can't justify, so retire to the sofas, unplug a lamp to keep the iPad on charge while we play Bejewelled (ha, we're getting free electricity from the Westin).
Decide to head over to the Garribaldi Lift Co for some lunch, not that we're hungry just to break up the wait. Have a couple of Bear Paw honey lagers, tuna rolls & callimari, all really good. Back to the hotel to relax with a game or two before it's time to leave. Head down about 3:45 for our 4 o/c pick up & Bill is dutifully waiting for us. The staff load up his truck & we're soon on our way. A tearfull little journey out of the Whistler city limits & look out on the scenery as we go. The wonderful views on the Sea to Sky highway are not so wonderful today as it's very drab & gloomy. Have a little day dream as I always do about what it would be like to live in one of the little villages along the coast & what we'd have to do to get one of the beautiful houses right on the bay. Traffic gets a little sticky as we come into Vancouver but nothing much & we're at the airport just over 2 hours from leaving Whistler.
Smooth check in, drop skis, much nicer man this year with one of those cloths that you wipe over things & tells all. Strange collection of freaks at security but it's quick & efficient. Spot a giant aquarium so stand & stare a while. Spend 8 of our last $10 on the way to the lounge on peanut butter M&Ms. Into the lounge we're spotted by the lounge matron (recognise her from last year as she told some fella he couldn't have any more to drink). Lounge matron moves on some bloke taking up a whole seating section on his own & we're settled. Help myself to a G&T and some snacks, Jo has a big bag of her favourite pretzels. Have a sit, surf & slurp until it's time to mozey to the plane.
Get settled with a glass of champagne, captain anounces once again all the efficient mamals are on board well before take off. Flight attendant winds Jo up as he constantly catches her playing Bejeweled. Bit of a taxi but we're soon in the air. Another G&T before dinner, Tanqueray this time. Dinner is excellent, lobster & hallibut (Jo has pasta, also good), all washed down with several glasses of champagne. Jo watches some more Dowton Abbey, I choose In Time from the section of second rate films on offer. Interesting & unusual story line, set in the future where your life expectancy is the currency. A little weak I think but maybe unfair as I fell asleep pretty early on & didn't really wake up again. Got a bit of sleep after the film before we're woken up at lunchtime for breakfast. It's not bad, fruit & croissant, turn down the bacon roll. Have a freshen up before landing. Bit of circling before we finally break through the cloud & see the snow covered South East (Jo gets very excited).
Touch down & off the plane, have to get the train to arrivals which is a bit of a pain as loose the benefit of getting off first. No matter, not much of a queue at customs (as opposed to the usual 250,000 at the EU desk). Short hop to baggage & ours are about the first 4 off. Handy, skis come out on the the same carousel at terminal 5. Over to valet parking, pick up the keys, Jo gets us coffees while I load the car. Our car's parked next to matching Rolls Royces, one with the plate BULLION. We're soon on our way & round the M25 without delay. Home to our snowy garden & the prospect of skiing on the country park this weekend.
Cumulative stats
Fall count Rob 18 Jo 12
Max speed - 103 km/h
Max metres descended - 6,625
Dave Murrary record - 5'19"64
Smoke count 38 (3.2 / day)
Beer count 27
G&T count 6 (triples & doubles count as 1)
Champagne count 6
Up at 5:30, quick cereal bar, wash & off to pick up Rachael & the kids. Rach is just about ready when we get there, soon off & good run round to North Terminal at Gatwick. Valet parking is a bit of a faff but we get there in the end. Short hop to the terminal where we head for the club check-in, as is my right as a silver card holder. Lovely lady at the desk, makes jokes with the kids & sees us to the fast track. Delicious dedicated premium security check area, no riff raff to be seen then head to the lounge. I'm a bit dubious about them letting us all in but no problem & we're soon bagging a nice corner of sofas to make our home for an hour or so. Callum & I head for the breakfast selection, he takes a rather generous selection of pastries (that boy's got the hang of the lounge already!). The girls go up, then I have a couple more passes, including a slice of toast & a gin & tonic (it may be 8:50 in London but at least one of the destinations is past mid-day).
Soon the boarding call goes up, Callum is a bit nervous that we're going to miss our flight so heads off at pace. We're soon on board, settled & shortly after, take off. I convince Jo to watch Scary Movie 2, I've forgotted how truly terrible it is, or maybe I've moved on since I last saw it. Jo has a nap, I have a game & soon we're landing in Malaga. All very efficient at the airport (now there's a phrase not normally associated with the Spanish) & we're soon heading for the car hire with Georgia riding high on top of the cases. Bit of a wait at Avis but we soon have the keys, a Sat Nav & 2 booster cushions. Load up, set up the GPS, have a frustrating few minutes wondering why the BMW is beeping at me & yelling at me in Spanish (well I guess it's in Spanish because we're in Spain but why is it yelling at me!). Eventually we're on our way, feel rather unnerved about driving on the wrong side of the road, but once on the motorway feel much more at ease. Roads very quiet & hardly slow at all other than 2 tolls & a stop for emergency snackage at the petrol station.
A little stressful finding our apartment building as the Sat Nav couldn't find our exact destination but Jo gets directions from the concierge at the nearby Kempinski. Another mini faff finding how to get into the complex & again when our key won't open the door to the stairs. Jo runs back & forth to reception & finally we're in. Quick unpack & rummage of the snackage then we're down to the pool. I must say Jo & Rachael look slim & lovely in the kinis, they could be sisters (well actualy they could really). The kids are eager to get in the pool but put off that it's a trifle cold (not that cold, kids these days) & they can't reach the bottom (pah I was swimming with sharks at their age). We have a lovely hour or so, Rach & Jo try very hard to teach the kids to swim, I just goof off with them. With the granny fingers settling in we decide to jump out.
Shower & a relax before heading out to dinner, nothing more adventurous than the on complex restaurant, but it has been a long day & it is rather good. Kids have hot dogs & the grown ups have a variety of seafood after the excellent callamari & beef carpaccio starters. Live music from some over tanned middle aged English woman (we must be on the Costa del Sol), actually she does do a very acceptable range of easy listening covers. All very tired after the trip & we head back at 10pm. Rach puts the munchers to bed & follows soon after. I write the blog while listening to a continious stream of guffors coming from Jo as she reads her "Diplomatic Baggage" book. Soon it's time for beddy byes for us too.
Up at 7am, sneak around the apartment while the children slumber & head down to the beach for our run. Run along the path for 50m before it runs out so out onto the beach. It's tough going across the sand but down on the shore it isn't too bad. About 12 mins up the shore it starts to get very rocky so turn around & run home. Back through the grounds, up, shower, cereal bar & a sit with the kids. Read a bit of The Times, small ray of Euro light in the Greek election. Head off for suppies from Carfor, the Spanish Tesco. Wander round for what seems like an eternity but manage to get most of the stuff we want. Quite a lot of English around, Georgia gives the game away for us as she sings God Save the Queen as we're going round. Queue for the checkout which has the worlds shortest conveyer belt & an operator who's mission seems to be to scan as fast as possible, we through a few curve balls with dodgy bar codes & we manage to keep up with her. We're grateful not to have a massive pile up when she's done. Litte coffee & sweet / savory croissant stop in the car park & it's time to head home. Jo takes the helm for the first time & does a passable attempt at wrong-side-of-the-road driving (for a girl).
After a mini-break we head down to the beach. Quite a long walk along the shore we ran this morning, through rocks & stones until we head back to what we reckon in the best stretch on our beach, a 5m strip of mainly sand near the shore, sandwiched between rocks. Callum, Georgia & I stand in the nipple deep water (theirs, not mine) balanced on rocks, not the most thrilling adventure but they seem to enjoy it. Rach decides to join us, as it's getting a bit deep she decides to take her top off to stop it getting wet, so she throws it back to the shore but misses by some distance as it washes back towards us. It's ok though because it would have got it soaked when she fell over on her way back in. Spend some time on the shore making sand castles & burrying each other in sand.
Enoy a spot of lunch back at the apartment (I have yesterdays left over BA meal) before heading back down to the pool, minus Jo who has volunteered to stay behind & do a bit of cleaning. We have a nice play & Callum comes on well with the float we got him at the supermarket this morning. Jo arrives after cleaning the apartment & entertaining Juan & Carlos who've come to do some work around the place. Jo practices her mask cleaning in preparation for tomorrows dive while Rachael & I race up & down the pool with a child each on our shoulders. We realise its gone 6 so time time to head back up to clean up for dinner.
Quick coffee & shower before I fire up the barbie. A fine fare it is too, burgers, chorizo & chicken skewers, accompanied by salady acomplements. The girls have wine, I enjoy a traditional Spanish wheat beer from Germany. Kids watch Matilda after dinner while the adults potter before Rach puts the kids to bed & I fall asleep watching Spain v Croatia. Wake up in the highlights & we all decide its time for bed.
Up at 7:30 & start preparing breakfast. Have a little potter while I wait for everyone to be up, lay the table, brew the tea, get things warming. With everyone settled on the terrace I serve a buffet of delight, eggs, smoked salmon & cheese for the grown ups and a selection of croissants & madeleines for the kids (& our second course). Clear away & a quick wash up before it's time for the dive pickup. Pretty uninteresting motorway journey most of the way until we near the boarder with Gibraltar. We pass through a grotty town where aparently one of the staff is from so there is much hilarity as they poke fun at his crappy village (actually it is, there's a massive sewrage plant that wafts through the place). The other three guys on the trip are all English / Spanish, they jabber away like locals, then switch to English speaking in London accents. Seem a nice bunch of lads. Funny little boarder crossing, the guard just seems content with matching the number of passports to heads he can see in the van. Across the runway (yes runway) & we're into Gibraltar, or Gib as everyone round here seems to call it. It's like going back home & back in time, narrow winding streets, union jacks & Gib flags everywhere. We pull up at a little car park which is to be our dive site today.
It's a concrete playground with pools, football goals & a little bay. We will be entering the little bay today, the first time I've used this method of entry for a while, it looks rather rocky so will need to wear some extra protection when entering for the first time, it could be rather tight & wouldn't want anything to snag on the way in. Simply Dive look a professional outfit with top quality gear, good fitting wetsuits, booties, new tanks & BCDs. We've got an extra 5mm shortie to put on over our 5mm wetsuit, the water is only about 16C. The Anglo-Spanish lads go off with the head guy Simon, I think they're on instructor training, we go with our guide Robert, along with an assistant instructor & another experienced diver we picked up in Gib. The shore entry is indeed a tad tricky, clamber over the rocks in your heavy suit, bob up & down as you try to get your flippers on & clear your mask. Paddle out to our decending point & decend, except I don't, a combination of the bouyancy of all the wetsuits & not thinking. The assistant hauls me down but pulls me down too quick & I don't have time to equalise my ears so have to pull myself up a bit. After that we're swimming along to the first wreck, see an octopus on the way just sitting in the middle of the sand with all his arms crossed. Water a bit murky with the wash from the strong currents in the bay but good enough to see 10m in front of you clearly. Robert finds an another octopus under the wreck & tempts him out, he wraps a few tentacles around his arm & is clearly pulling quite hard as Robert has to push back against the boat to get out of his grip. Swim through many a shoal on our way to the next wreck which is also interesting, covered in coral, plants & loads of sea cucumbers. The boats has lots of turrents & funnels going down inside, fasinating to look through with all the life that's taken over the sunken vessel. Robert has another interesting find on the sea bed, a rare example of underwater life, I believe it's a Ford Escort, circa 1984, it has provided a home for a funky little crab, which I guess is further up the food chain than some pikey's front garden. Soon enough it's time to head back, short decompression stop at about 6m, it's hard to keep off the surface so close & with a bit of a tide bobbing you around. The clamber back to shore is equally tricky, fins off, stumble over the rocks with the heavy gear, then trudge up the slope to the van.
Have about an hour stop to take on some fluid & the diving staple of muffins. Chat to Dave, the guy we picked up in Gib, he's an inspector for Monarch, get's to travel round Europe quite a bit which sounds cool, but has to travel on Monarch. Time to get our gear back on & hobble back down to the bay & bumble the rest of our gear on in the shallows. We've got a bouy with a rope to decent this time, much easier & able to go at my own pace, equalising my ears. Swim up to our third wreck of the day, all very nice covered in barnacles & teaming with all sorts of aquatic life. Onto the fourth & biggest wreck, we swim around then over, it's quite a tricky ascent, have to watch your bouyancy closely. Robert spots another octopus, this time he teases some ink out of the cute little cephalopod, I manage to grab a photo (posted on the blog if want to see). Then we get chance to swim through the boat, down into the hold, through a corridor & out the other side (photo of me doing that too). Jo & I get into a bit of a tangle coming down off the wreck, her air hose gets caught under my regulator, it's an anxious few seconds but I manage to unclip it & we're free. The swim back is a real struggle agains the current, it's real heavy going. Little rest on the rope for our safety stop then hauling our amphibious asses back up to base.
Dry off & change, quick drink while we wait for the rest of chaps to finish then it's time to hop back on the bus & say goodbye to this charming little British outpost. Spot several large bush fires on the way home, big areas of on the hillside are ablaze with plumes of black smoke pouring into the sky. We see three helicopters dumping water on the flames. We're soon past it but must look out for any news. Jo passes out shortly after & I wake her as we're pulling into our Dominion Beach complex. Say our fond farewells to our new friends & head back to the apartment via the pool. The kids are swimming & behaving very well, even Rachael. Callum has been swimming on his own, without the aid of his float. We declined their kind offer of joining them in favour of feasting on snackage & washing the sticky salt water off us (Jo recalls many a day coming back from a day out with 7 blokes, all sticky & salty). Showered & in the jammies we call the kids up. I let Callum shower in our en suite with the Molton Brown good stuff, he rushes back telling Rachael to smell him. With everyone suitably clean we whack some pizzas in the over, which takes so long were forced to eat one of the children. Pizza devoured we put the remaining children to bed then settle to watch the agony of England's Euro Championship game. Well not so much watch as sleep through the first half, although the glimpses I did see were not that inspiring. Cup of tea for the second half & Rooney scores! I think we're pretty comfortable for the rest of the match, so are Rachael & Jo as they have lapsed into their respective water induced comas. 1-0 win, groups winners & onto a quarter final against Italy, for the girls though it is time for me to pack them off to bed while I blog & potter until turning in myself.
Wake at 7:30, decide it's not a good idea to get up yet & snooze till 8:30, practically mid day. The children are already up but there's not so much as a croissant or pot of coffee on offer! Russel up cereal, croissants & madeleines which we all enjoy on the terrace. It's the zoo for us today so get our little butts in gear & out, it's going to be scorchio today, 31C. All loaded in the car & off we go, 5 min later we're at the zoo. Bit of a faff with the car park machine but once in it's pretty empty, but while we're queuing for tickets two busses full of school children turn up. See the cheetah, meerkats, asorted primates, go pet the goats, get stalked by a peacock (Jo thinks he's trying to impres her), see a turkey with the biggest waddle ever & some flamigos. Stop at the gift shop, Rach does well as the kids pick out a toy for €1 each, Jo gets something for Oliver & we both get a picture of all of us. It's getting hot now so decide to head home.
Drop the kids off at the apartment while Jo & I head off to the supermarket. Discover that we can connect i products to the Beamer through a handy little USB connection, which saves us from the incesent disco on Spanish radio. Have a very efficient shop, discover loads of things we couldn't find on Monday when it was mad busy. Unfortunately there isn't a pharmacy in the store so head into Estapona. Find an underground car park with a very tight entry indeed, then find a chemist, have to ask for ear clearer, which they have, excellent. Next stop fags €45 for a carton, very good, bag some postcards too. Have a walk along the promenade on the way back, nice little area, nice beach too. Lots of restaurants & cafes, the later tempts us in where the local proprietor tells us to sit down mate, someone will be over in a minute. Sit we do & enjoy the warm afternoon from the shade while scoffing a toasty & quaffing a beer. Back home, quick unpack, slaver of sun screen & down to join the family by the pool. Jo & Rach soak up some rays in the loungers while I jump in wih the munchers. They both show off their swimming, we spash & play, they seem to like Shaun the friendly shark better than the hungry shark :). 6 o/c the grown ups call us in & we all dutifully get out, dried & upstairs for our shower. Suitably cleansed, I fire up the barbie for another al fresco dining extravaganza.
After dinner, Rach settles the munchers down & falls asleep in the process. Jo & I enojy some quiet time before it's time for us all to have our bed time cup of tea.
Alarm goes off at 7, we snooze till about 7:15 & haul our asses out for a run. My ears have been getting progressively worse since diving & the're both pretty well completely bunged now, maybe a run will clear them. Rach & the munchers are just up as we're sneaking out, down to the back gate & head off to the right of the hotel today. The path last a little longer, about 100m, then onto the beach, which runs out after about 1km. Turn around & run back past the hotel for a while then back again. Quick shower then it's time to prepare another smorgesboard of delight for breakfast. Scramble the eggs, smoke the salmon, cheese the cheese, warm the pastries. All served under yet another cloudless sky on the terrace. The brioche we got yesterday is amazing!
After breakfast decide that there's nothing else for it, I have to see a doctor about my ears. So far I've seen Drs in Fuerteventura, America, Borneo, Beijing & Singapore with my ears so about time I add Spain to the list. Manage to find a nice English one in Peurto Banus so decide to combine it with a look round the marina. Get an apointment for 12 so head off straight away, have a chance to suss it out & maybe time for a wander before. Bit of a drama finding it with multiple round abouts, on-off the motorway, TomTom has stoped speaking to us (must be the woman's voice I selected) but somehow Jo manages to stumble upon it. It's 11:30, too much trouble to come back so I pack the family off & brave it on my own. Fill in a form, play Survival Run on the iPad while I wait, just when I've got a good run going I get called 10 mins later. Chat to the doc, he's a pleasant chap, tell him my ears have gone bad since my diving trip to Gib, oh, he says, I used to hunt octopus there, used to grab em with a hook & eat them (I presume he doesn't mean there & then). Right ear flushed, all good, left ear done, still feeling a bit muffled but better when he dries it. Job done bang before 12 o/c! Ring Rach & they've just got parked but Jo agrees to come back for me. Back in town we find the kids eating icecream on the sea wall, so we join them. Have a walk along thte marina, gaze enviously at the cars & boats like 99.9% of the people there do (the other 0.1% own the cars & boats). Walk through the market & we're all feeling rather pooped & hot so I suggest we head for the shopping mall, in the hope there will be a Starbucks / Prett / Costa in there, no luck but find a nice little local coffee shop (I have a lassi, yes an Indina style lassi). Refreshed the girls tackle the enourmous Zara while I play with the kids (the who can go the longest without talking is a good game).
Back home I realise my left ear is still not right, maybe there's still some gunk in there, try some treatments but doesn't help, decide it's probably infected. Head down to the pool, determined to keep my head out of the water for once. Kids swim well, Callum even masters floating on his back. We play the shark game again, this time Georgia decides I'm to be called Loren, much to the amusement of Rach & Jo. Upstairs I shower the muchers, then Jo, then me (Rachael would be just wrong), then it's time to head out to dinner in Estepona. Head down to their rather less impressive marina, choose a restaurant that seems to offer a good kids menu & decent grown up food. It's all pretty good, the kids like their food & are exceptionally well behaved throughout. I order a G&T which the waiter brings a small fish bowl & half fills with Bombay Saphire, after which I'm also very well behaved. We play 21 truth or dare (just like we did with my kids when they were younger), disturbingly I discover that Jo first snogged a boy when she was 10 & Rachael can't count the number of boys she's kissed.
Dinner devoured we head home & all three children are in bed before I've got my jammies on. Head out to the terrace with a cup of tea, write the blog while Jo reads the K2 book she has hardly put down since she picked it up.
Alarm goes off at 7:30, up at 8 o/c. Prepare breakfast of cereal & pastries, kids won't touch their Wheatabix & it's not because they're 6 months out of date as they don't even taste them. Brioche is excellent, so are the new madeleines. Get ourselves washed & dressed for our day out in Benalmadina. Head off, SatNav programmed, tunes on the iPad & the sun shining (as always). Miss the exit & get taken a frustratingly slow route through town, then confusion as Benalmadina has an aquarium & a sea life park. Settle on the Selwo sea life park over the fish museum.
Wander in about 11:30, half hour to the dolphin show. It's hot hot hot out today (forecast 38C) so head to the cool of the penguin house. It's a rather tired Antarctic sea bird enclosure but it is cool. Not much activity either, they seem to be playing a game of musical statues but no one has told them the music has stopped. Say a fond farewell to the frozen birds & take our seats at the dolphin display. Sea lions are up first, the cuddly mamals go through their routine of balancing balls & waving flippers, all very nice. Out comes the main event, the dolphins. Keen as ever to show off their acrobatic skills they go through the full repertoire, jumping in the air, twirling, flipper waving & thrusting their trainers through the water. All in all a good show, apart from the pumping sound track, further reinforcing the impression the Spanish economic crisis is due to their terrible taste in music. Quick lap of the rest of the park before the obligatory stop in the gift shop & pick up the souvenier photos (which are pretty good actually). Pop down to get the car & whack the air condition on, good job too as it's hotter than the sun in their. Kids loaded we head back to our little home in Estapona.
All file in & hang out for a bit before it's time for some more pool action. My ears are definitely wrong so do my best to keep them dry. Kids swim well & we have more relaxed play, hungry shark & dry ears don't mix. Leave the kids in the pool to call the doctor to see if he will issue a prescription as he went home at 3:30. Dr tells me to go to a pharmacy & he will tell them what to dispense over the phone, pretty happy with that so get ourselves dry & drive to the nearest chemist. Have a chat with the senioritas who seem to understand what we're proposing, get the quack on the phone & we're done. Stop at Laguna Beach Resort just up form our apartment on the way home for a little coffee. It seems to be some up market beach club for those that haven't sunk all their savings into the failed construction industry, do get a half decent latte though.
Back in the apartment, shower & pop my drops in while Jo fixes pizza. All sit out on the terrace for yet another excrutiatingly lovely evening. Kids eat all their pizza, even the crusts, such good mamals. After dinner we play hide & seek, after a couple of goes Rachael gets jealous & wants to join in. I try to put the munchers down after to give Rach a rest but they're having none of it. Defeated a settle down with the second half of the Germany - Greece game. The Greekos equalise early in the period but just like the Euro the Germans flex their Teutonic mussels & run out 4-2 winners. I'm dozing by the end of the game so decide to blog in bed before turning in.
It's a struggle to drag ourselves up this morning but eventually we do as the hour strikes 8. Scramble some eggs & make the most of the left over salmon & sausages. Georgia gamely has a tin of sausages & spaghetti. More delicious brioche & madeleines to finish off as the grown ups chat over tea & coffee. Get ourselves slavered up & head down to the pool about 11. Splish & splash for a while, Jo invents a new game called hungry lobster, but is most offended when the kids mistake her for a hungry crab! Hop out about 1 o/c & have a sit in the sun to dry off, then Jo & I take the muchers upstairs for some lunch, leave Rach by the pool to go even browner! Make the kids frankfurter in a slice of bread & call them hot dogs, they seem happy enough with that. Take Rach a cheese & ham sandwich, ice coffee & watermellon down to the pool where she is crisping nicely. Eventually Rach comes out of the sun as she & Jo pack while the kids & I play hide & seek. Unfortunately we're banned from the bedrooms so that makes hiding difficult but we do well, the kids are becoming hiding champions.
All packed we're all off for our last dip in the pool. More horseplay resulting at one point in me losing my shorts but despite such highlights we must be displined & get out just after 4 o/c. Little dry off & I take the muchers up for a Molton Brown shower while the ladies wring out the last of the sun. All dressed up we head to Peurto Banus for a last blow out in town. Wander round the market looking for the last of the holiday presents, get some good stuff at decent prices. Down to the front for a little walk amongst the boat fanciers, fancy something more fancy for dinner after a week of child friendly food. We are tempted in to a nice little Italian by a nice looking Italian. Scallops for starters are amazing, so are Rach & Jo's Sea Bream & my Fruit de Mare. Callum & Georgia polish off all their spaghetti along with a bowl of chips too. Impressively the place has Hendricks for my G&T but I have to correct them as they serve with lemon instead of cucumber. All in all a delightful meal & we're off along the front to walk it off. Rach treats us to an ice cream after a couple of laps & we pull up a wall to watch the world go by. It's busier along the marina now as we watch the beautiful people, the not so beautiful, the wannabes, the pretenders, the hopeless & the couldn't care less go passed, along with the rich Arabs cruising in their Bentleys.
Back in our apartment to catch the end of the Spain - France game, the last of the packing & a cup of tea before bed.
Usual stupid busy last day at work seeping into a manic morning. Took Rachael to work, dropped stuff in the charity shop, grabbed a few bits & a quick pit stop in le Moulin. Best laid plans of relaxing morning disappear into lots of last minute jobs, had the oldies round to show them how the alarm works & what's happening with the window fitting. Soon enough it's 1:30 & past time to go. Head off round the North Circular (afraid of Friday afternoon M25 traffic), it's cold & grim, just what you like when you're off on holiday. All in all a rather frustrating journey with traffic, wrong turns & Sat Nav taking us the longest possible way to the car park. After valet parking, business travel or flying from City, the long stay is a bit of a shock. Smooth check in at T5 when we eventually get here, but my melodramatic trauma is not over as my bag is thoroughly searched by security & I'm stripped of matches. After a quick stop in Duty Free we finally arrive in the lounge & start to relax.
A trifle disappointed there's no curry on offer but have a nice little chilli beef, Jo get's in the North African mood with a chicken tajine. A couple of G&Ts later it's time to hop on the shuttle to C gates just as boarding is announced. Shuffle through the fast track & take our seats. Champagne & The Times are delivered soon after. Jo catches up on attractive blondes / camels exchange rate while we wait for take off. No sooner are we in the air than my hand that was moments earlier clutching a class of champagne is filled with another gin & tonic. Decide to watch Men in Black 3 pretty much straight away so to take it all in on the short hop to Cairo. We enjoy excellent mezza starters followed by lamb & beef for Jo & me respectively, all washed down with kir royale. Watch the rest of MIB3 which although not as engaging as the original is entertaining enough. With dinner & film over we each take our separate distractions until it is time for landing.
Smooth landing & through to the terminal where we're met by Mahmood who sees us through all the visa & passport formalities in about 5 minutes flat. Cases are waiting for us & momentarily we're in the car & scuttling though the Cairo traffic. Traffic not bad at all, but it is 12:30 am & Mahmood warns us that it's mad, mad, mad during the day. Few sights taken in & we're soon at the Oberi in Giza. Golf buggie shuttles us to our pyramid view room where we can just make out the silhouette in the night sky. Mini unpack of the bear necessities, shower & time for bed.
Up 7 after only 4 hours sleep, feeling rather tired but we're really looking forward to the museum & obviously can't miss breakfast. Head off to walk to the main hotel but picked up en route by a chap in a golf buggy, he's very pleased we're English & not American. Breakfast is good, usual selection of cerealage, eggage, sausage & cakeage, we partake in all. Sit & chat until Mahmood our rep & Mahmood our guide arive (to be known as Mahmood ^2).
Head off through the rather busier, but not madding, traffic to the Egyptian Museum. Mahmood provides lots of information on the way, including far too many Arabic phrases for our poor Western brains to remember. Soon enough we arrive at the French architectured building, little wander around the grounds, lecture on Upper & Lower Egypt and the Old, Middle & New Kingdoms. Fascinating background on how Tutankhamun was a relatively modest king, living only till 18, but the only tomb to survive the grave robbers intact. Eventually discovered by the great British Egyptologist Howard Carter. Most of the Old Kingdom kings were robbed during the Middle period when the rulers had less power over the nation. So we start on the 1st floor with the most impressive & iconic artefacts, including Tutankhamun's burial mask. Mahmood is wonderful in his knowledge & brilliant in his enthusiastic delivery, keeping us enthralled throughout. He keeps us on our toes too with little tests along the way, like "is this a statue of a living king?" - "no because he has a curved beard", "how old are these children?" - "less than 13 because they have a finger on their chin", "what sort of wall is this?" - "a false wall because the king is eating a baguette!". We pay an extra £20 to go see the mummies, quite pricey but there are a lot of mummies. All facinating, if a little macabre. The lengths they went to to keep their bodies intact & now 5,000 years later they're gawped at by a bunch of tourists. After the splendours of the New Kingdom we head downstairs to the stone statues & sarcophagi of the Old Kingdom. Mahmood teaches us more, like kings were always given perfect images with no physical blemishes, except in the Middle Kingdom where slight imperfections were displayed. Commoners were always depicted in their actual likeness. With the Old Kingdom conquered & your history lesson over we head back to the hotel.
Traffic a little busier still on the way home but make good time. Say our farewells until tomorrow & wait in the bar for the other Mahmood to arrive. I have a Turkish coffee, Jo has a frappe but then realises it is, of course, made with ice so orders a tea. We both live dangerously & try the ice blended temptation. Mahmood the rep arrives, gives us a run down of the itinerary & takes our money. We then head back to the room for a quick change into the swimmies & off to the pool. Have a very refreshing dip & a few laps, Jo comments that it's the longest length she's had in a while. Sit in the warm shade to dry off then it's up to the room for a shower & a rest on the bed.
Head out to dinner just after 7 o/c, going to Caviar as recommended by Mahmood, which is just a little ways along from the hotel. Make it to the resturant, surviving a dicy road crossing, only to find out they don't take Visa. Have a look at the menu & decide we don't fancy it much either, though do like the look of the Cairo resturant downstairs & the outdoor hubbly bubbly pipe place next door. Back to the hotel & up to the Indian resturant, which is fan-bloody-tastic! Melt in the mouth lamb, channa, dall & biryani, all washed down with a couple of Sakaras. We're pretty stuffed but I can't resist a milky cardamom afters. Waddle back to the hotel & settle down to Mr & Mrs Smith on Fox Movies. I watch Taken while Jo slumbers before it's my night night time too.
Up at 7 again but feeling much better after early night last night. Wash, dressed & down to breakfast where we avail ourselves of the buffet then some French Toast. Mahmood ^2 are waiting for us downstairs in the lounge & we're soon off with Mahmood to the Coptic area of Cairo. First up is the Hanging Church, which is a little disappointing, you don't really get the sense of it supported by a pillar beneath, more a church with a basement. Still interesting to see a Greek Orthodox church, especially during mass. Jo shares "the peace" with some of the congregation. Next up we visit a church built on the site where Jesus & Mary stayed when they fleed to Egypt during the slaughter of the innocents. Interesting again but couldn't go down into the site underneath the church. Finally we visit a Synagogue, one of the few still open in Egypt.
The Christian area conquered we head for the Citedel & the Alabaster Mosque inside. The Citedel is an imposing fortress on high ground looming over the main city. The mosque is as a fine example as we have seen, very impressive. Very open too, we're allowed to wander around everywhere, get some great pictures, both inside & out. A local girl asks Jo if her boyfriend can have his picture taken with her, he's obviously very happy with this arrangement & makes himself at home, I wonder for a while if he's going to give her back. Mahmood as always is a mine of information, teaching us the history of Mohamad Ali (the founder of modern Egypt, not the Parkinson's afflicted boxer) & the 5 pillars of Islam. We reward him by playing the "hide the guide's shoes" game, turns out though that we're by no means the first tourists to play that trick on him.
We're off to the souk next for a spot of shopping. Mahmood takes us to the top of the market, gives us some last minute tips & agrees a time for when we will meet him back at the coffee shop. Either he's worried about us getting lost in there or how much hubbly bubby time he has. We're immediately pounced on with the usual banter from the stall holders, although we do like the line that one delivers, "I don't know what you're looking for but my shop has it". Eventually give in to one & go in for a look round the statues. We choose a few gods & a Cleopatra for Mallery, then starts the haggling. I break Mahmood's rule of offering 1/3 of the price as the starting price is huge, I offer 20%. The usual lines come out, you're robbing me, I've got 10 kids to feed, I am only a poor man, I use them all. Eventually settle on 1/3 of the starting price but Jo still thinks we paid £10 too much. Having bought quite a lot already we run the gauntlet of another 200 stalls without spending a drachmar, untl we're tempted into a bangle store. The guy asks for £10, I offer £3, Jo this time thinks he's pretty straight & he doesn't budge much. I think we could have got them from Accessorize for £3 but I'm not bothered. Make it through the rest of the souk with our wallets intact. Meet up with Mahmood in the coffee shop where we catch him hubby bubblying, so I demand one of my own. He swaps his hard tobacco for a scented apple flavour for my delicate Western lungs. I have to draw quite hard at first but it's quite nice, feel right at home in the souk with my pipe & Turkish coffee. Meanwhile a pregnant cat makes herself at home on Jo's lap, I think Jo sees it as a substitute for her recently pregnant sister. Make our way back to the car where Jo falls asleep in the grinding traffic.
Back at the hotel, straight to the room for a quick change & down to the pool. A nice refreshing dip followed by Jo getting a few hard lengths. Sit & have a dry, I write the blog & Jo is outted for reading 50 Shades by a woman on the other side of the pool. It's 5:45 & starting to get dusk so we head back to the room for a shower & rest before venturing out to dinner. Wander down to The Taste of Cairo where we had a look in last night. Service was slow, most of the menu was off the menu & was more a taste of American chain than Cairo, but the food was ok. Amusing farce as we try to pay by Visa, none of the staff know how to use the machine so hand it to us to work out. Jo thinks we manage to process a refund but I'm not sure it's even connected, pay cash in the end, it was only about 20 quid. Quick stop in the On The Run petrol shop for some train snackage before back to the hotel.
Pack the few things we've got out, Jo rings Jemma, I finish the days blog (hope to upload en mass tomorrow, due to the extortionate Internet charges in the hotel). Pack down ready for another Egyptian adventure tomorrow.
Hubbly bubbly pipes smoked - 1
Up at 7 again, need to finish the packing before breakfast, get everything it it's right place for our tour today, freshen up back at the hotel & our train tonight. Eventually get down to breakfast where I order eggs Benedict & French Toast. A trifle late meeting Mahmood ^2 but we're soon on our way to the pyramids. We're very excited after spending two days in the shadow of the Great Pyramid & it's just a short drive up the hill. As we go through the entrance Mahmood gives us more advice about dealing with the hawkers, but we're no novices, we've dealt with hawkers & beggars all over the world. Considering all this Jo is a tad surprised to turn round after 30 seconds to find me dressed head to toe as Laurence of Arabia. Actually it's just a head dress but even so I still can't work out how it happened, only gave him the shrapnel in my pocket, about 50p. To be fair these guys are really persistent, usually a stern but polite no thank you in the local language does it, but "la sukran" only spurs them on.
Anyhoo enough of that, the main event is the enourmous ancient triangular structures before us. The Great Pyramid is immediately before us, the largest, awe inspiring of the 110 in all of Egypt. We've bought an extra ticket for an explore inside so clamber up a few stones & along to the entrance. The ticket collector chappy is very taken with Jo calling her Habibi, Habibi (my darling, my darling, I'm not too bothered, looks like he's been there since it first opened). Short walk throught the rocky corridor, which after being on so many rides & theme park "experiences" could have been in Chessington, not helped by the sight of sweaty tourists returning the same way. We crouch through narrow corridors & climb stairs hunched over until we come to the main staircase that leads up through the pyramid to the burrial chamber. We are at last feeling this is something pretty special & as we enter the chamber, which is completely empty, save for a stone sarcophagus, you really do get a sence your inside this giant, iconic ancient wonder. Anyhoo, with no treasure to plunder from the tomb we head out the way we came, with me sliding down the banister. Jo coaxes me into climbing the pyramid so she can get a photo, but I get told off by one of guards. A few more snaps & we meet the ever reliable Mahmood waiting for us at the base.
Next we're off to the top of the hill where you can get the panaromic views with all three pyramids together. I've saved my top hat for this event & it does cause quite a stir with the locals as I parade around the desert like a mad English gentleman (which of course I am). Of course, I still have my Laurence of Arabia head dress on. I pose for pictures in my hat, Mahmood poses for pictures in my hat, the local bedouin pose in my hat. Then when I show that it collapses flat & pops open it's like showing fire to cavemen (either that or they're humouring the mad English tourist). Next it's a camel ride for Jo & me, into the heart of the desert, well as far into the desert you can get in 20 minutes. Get some more great pictures of the pyramids, us on the camels, us pretending to hold / push / pick up the pyramids. Best of all you get pictures that make it seem they're in the middle of the desert & not on the outskits of Giza city. My camel is rather gamely & we have a gallop back to the camel park, Jo's is rather more stubborn & won't go where it's told. What is it they say about links between animals & their humans.
Right, moving on, next we're at the third pyramid. Interesting again, because they all have a different story & when you put it all together it adds a lot of context to the whole pyramid thing. But I will save that for when we get to Sakara. More great pictures of the 2nd & 3rd pyramids & we're off to the Sphinx. It's another short drive, we do feel rather lazy being driven from point to point but it would be impractical to walk. The Sphinx is big, but not like the pyramids, smaller than I imagined & the impression I've gained from films & books. It's impressive though, more ornate than the pyramids & makes for some great photos together. Mahmood tells us that it was built because there was a big ugly mound of limestone next to the king's pyramid so he said build me some half lion, half human thingy.
Next we're off to Sakara, one of the oldest sites in Egypt. Here we see some small crumbled pyramids & the stepped pyramid. So this is the history lesson, we think the aliens must have created the pyramids because no ancient civilisation could have built something so huge & technically difficult to create. However, the key is in these early ones, many have crumbled, some are stepped, some the angles are out. These ancient Egyptian chappies perfected them over centuries. Of course it could still have been aliens.
We travel back to our hotel in Giza & the traffic is every bit as bad as we've been promised, it seems to take forever, but eventually we do make it back. We bid a fond farewell to Mahmood, who we have grown to really like & trust over our short adventure together. As you know Mahmood was getting a hug from me come what may, but he invites me with open arms. Head down to the pool for a cool off & use of the facilities. Lovely refreshing dip after being out in the hot sandy desert all day. Jo takes a few lengths before hopping out for a good stuffing (of lunch of course). Sit in the warm late afternoon sun to dry off before showering & getting ready for the off. Sit in the bar a while with our £7 for 30 mins internet, I blog & Jo awes at the pictures of our new baby nephew Eliot. The ever reliable Wahid arrives to pick us up promptly at 6:30, where Jo continues her argument with Beresfords estate agents, who are proving to be most useless. Wahid on the other hand sniffs out a lovely Barclays for me before delivering us safely to the train station, where the rep Mahmood is waiting for us. Mahmood waits for us on the platform & gets us settled in our carridge for our trip to Aswan.
Dinner is not bad at all, bit of rice & fish with chocolate cake for afters. I'm assured there's smoking in the club car, which I assume is some colonial bar filled with kahki clad Michael Palin types sipping gin & tonic. It is not, it is 6 cars up, has no alcohol & the air quality of a house fire. I have no intention of staying so get a quick one in before dashing back. Safe in our little cubby hole we change into the jammies & watch Iron Man in bed before it's time for me to climb into the top bunk for nighty night time.
Ancient wonders - 4 (3 pyramids & a sphinx)
Thanks Olie & Elie, to be honest mummy bores us too sometime but she's not all bad really, once you get to know her :).
Not a bad night sleep at all, woke up a few times but not for very long, apart from the early moring stop at Luxor. Our first sight of The Nile as we travel along side it for much of the morning. Breakfast is served in our cabin, nice fare, croissant, danish & coffee, no toasted brioche though, they must think we're animals. Dressed & a handy 5 minute warning from the conductor so we're ready to jump off as we pull in. Kaled is wating for us on the platform & we're soon whisked off to our waiting car. Short hop to the ferry where we're taken to Elephantine Island in the middle of The Nile to our next lovely hotel. Kaled gives us a run down of our itinerary, short tour this afternoon to Philae Temple & our trip to Abu Simbel tomorrow. We need to arrive at Abu Simbel at 7 o/c, not too bad maybe fit in a quick breakfast, but it's a 3 hour drive, ok so that's 4 o/c, but we need to get the ferry back to the mainland & meet the police convoy, ok so that's up around 2:30 then. Not so much an early start, more of middle of the night, but ho hum.
After check in decide to have a bit of chillax & update of things we need to update. Our chillax turns into a bit of a doze but I manage to drag ourselves up as my tummy is rumbling. Decide to pack for the off & grab some lunch at the pool bar. Sit by the inviting pool while the temprature is hotter than Mercury in summer. Enjoy some excellent kofta in pita with humas dip & fries on the side. Get chatting to one of the waiters, they all love Manchester United & the Premier League. This one supports Liverpool & was pleased with his side's home win against the might of Norwich City. Suitably fed we head down to the jetty where our water taxi awaits to take us across the Nile, where our driver & guide, Mahmood III, are waiting for us. It's a relatively short drive to Philae, where we get another ferry to the island with the temple. The temple was moved in the 80's after the high dam had flooded the original site, so Unesco moved the whole structure brick by brick, as of course, was Abu Simbel. It's an interesting sight, quiet too, but hotter than Lucifer's Y fronts! Mahmood III tells us about the history of the place, originally built in the Pharonic times, then claimed by the Greeks, then the Romans who added their own structures to the place. The Christians hid from persecution by the Roman's in these temples, defacing many of the carvings of false idols on the walls. Mahmood III is nice enough & although he lacks the enthusiasim of Mahmood II is interesting all the same. Tour over we're left to take photos on our own for as long as we can bare in the hot sun, call it a day when the water in our bottle starts to boil. Join Mahmood III in the cafe where we have water, Sprite & a glass of freshly squeezed mango.
Quiet jaunt back on the ferry & back in the car on the way home. Mahmood III offers to take us to a local coffee house, which I would normally jump at but all we can think about is getting back to the hotel & into the pool. Just as we dock back on Elephantine Island, Jo notices a sandstorm in the distance whipping through town. All of a sudden the wind picks up & by the time we're in our room the wind is howling & the rain lashing against the window. Looks like pool is off. Power flickers a few times but otherwise we come out unscathed, which I report to Kaled the rep as he calls to check up on us. With no pool action we go for the next best thing, shower & in the jammies before dinner.
Eventually make it up to the bar for a cheeky gin & tonic, update of the blog & catch up on events back home. Aparently not much going on back home, assume the windows have gone in ok as haven't heard anything to the contrary. Head up to the tower resturant with views of the Aswan metropolis. The food is truly excellent, beautifully presented, amazing considering we're on a small island at the bottom of the Nile. We wash down our haute cuisine with a couple of local beers, which will no doubt result in Jo lapsing into a coma as soon as we get to our room (anyway, I find she puts up less of a fight when she's asleep).
Modes of transport - 5 (plane, car, camel, train & boat).
Up at 2:30, yes 2:30 am, as in middle of the night. Quick brush up & close of the cases, downstairs for check out, on the ferry & over to the mainland to meet Mahmood III & our driver for our trip to Abu Simbel. We gather with the other cars, coaches & mini vans to form the convoy the police will escort all the way through the desert to Abu Simbel. Get off as scheduled at 4am, 1 hr 30 mins from getting up so long enough to get proper awake but still silly early & a long boring journey ahead. Jo & I have a row each of the mini van so settle down pretty much straight away in the hope we'll get to sleep before we get any more awake. It's difficult at first with turns & speed bumps around town, I have my doubts I will get any sleep but zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Not what you would call comfortable or proper sleep but we get some rest, we both have an issue with freezing feet from the air conditioning, funny considering it gets up to 58C outside. Wake up with about 15 mins to go & tuck into our excellent breakfast packs from our hotel, only manage one roll each but plenty of snackage for later.
Out of the van, quick stretch & trott down to the wonder before the hords descend upon it. Mahmood III takes us on a shortcut over the rise & there it is, the wonder in all it's wonder. It is, yet again, an awe inspiring sight, four 120m statues carved out of the rock on the face of the hill. Of course it's been moved 60m because of the dam but reading in the Lonley Planet it has been painstakingly recreated from the original. Take loads of photos, hopefully the pictures on the blog give an idea of the magnificence because I'm struggling to do justice to the work of Ramises II. Mahmood III gives us the history then we're allowed to go off & explore on our own, through inside the temple with its sculptured columns, intricate decoration & side rooms. The phallically adorned god of fertility is a hit with all the tourists. Next we head to the temple of the wife of Ramises II, only one of two temples erected for women, the other being the pharaoh queen Hatshepsut. This is somewhat smaller but in the same style & similarly astounding. Ramises may have built it for his wife but there is still a generous number of statues devoted to himself. It's hotter than Hadese with the central heating on full so we take a break by the beautiful lake before meeting up with Mahmood III in the coffee shop. Grab a couple of iced coffees for £5, I complain to the server, "this isn't Starbucks Juan", but we pay up all the same.
Run the gauntlet of hawkers on the way back to the van, they're not a patch on the ones in Cairo though as I only come out with an I heart Abu Simbel T shirt, a crook of Ramises & a six pack of Nile lager. Settled in the van we have some pastries from our packed breakfast, settle down & mostly doze on the way back, other than when we drive through another ferocious storm. Stop at the High Dam just outside Aswan, impressive structure, was the largest in the world but not as visually impressive as others we've seen. The great expanse of Lake Naseer spreads the water out rather than building up a high side. Back to Aswan & checked into our cruise ship, walk through the ones moored closed to the shore, just like on The Yangtze & how Michael Palin did it, kinda fun. Get unpacked in our cabin, then some lunch & a sit upstairs on the roof deck. Back to our cabin, which is lovely & roomy, get properly settled as we lie on the bed & don't really move until it's time for our sunset felucca cruise. Our sailboat is captained by a craggy old sea dog with no teeth & dressed in white linen pyjamas, just how you want your felucca captain to be. We have a delightfully peaceful hour or so sailing up & down the Nile around Elephantine & Kitchener islands.
Back on board The Crown Jewel we head for our cabin for a freshen up & watch a bit of My Girl, unfortunately the bit where Mckauley Culkin dies from bee stings, very sad. Down to dinner, which again is all very nice (gonna have to be careful with all the food on offer). Then it's upstairs for a sit in the open air roof bar for a gin & tonic and update of everything. Jo says she's going to look at the boat going passed, but that was 30 mins ago, I hope she hasn't fallen overboard. Panic over, my barkeep Mustafer says she's down at the stern watching seamen. Time now to head back to our bunks ready for our earlish start of 6 o/c.
Wonders visited 5
Up at the relatively respectable time of 6am, quick freshen up, pack for our trip & down to breakfast. Assume our usual table, order beverage & off to survey the buffet of delight. Not altogether surprisingly we go for the tried & tested cereal, egg & pastries combo. Cereal ok, not much to go wrong there, I survey the excellent egg man expertly making omelettes with all the trimmings, unfortunately we get crack an egg in the pan man. Good array of croissants & pastries, not warm though & no sign of brioche, how does a developing country expect to progress if they can't provide warmed French baked goods. Mahmood III, who was most insistent we meet him at 7:30, is not disappointed & we're off to yet another wonder, the temple of Kom Ombo, dedicated to Sobek (the crocodile god) & Horus (the god of the horizon). I'm keen to get some photos to make it appear we have discovered the temple & not turned up with the masses of similarly overfed Western tourists. Unfortunately Mahmood III refuses to start his lecture until we are gathered & stops when I wonder off, may have to have a word with him (but then how will I be able to empart my primary school Egyptology on you). Tis an interesting temple, built over 300 years during the time of Greek / Roman rule. Unlike the Pharonic times, the kings built these temples & statues devoted to Egyptian gods to satisfy the people rather than because of their beliefs. What is especially interesting is that the temple was flooded by the Nile each year so the lower part is blacken by the river silt & the upper part still has the original colours of the paintings. Mahmood III allows us a few minutes to get our pictures in, unfortunately the tourist hordes have invaded the temple by this time but get some good shots nonetheless. Just enough time to pop into the crocodile museum before we set sail again (the Romans used to mummify the crocodiles you know).
Back on board Mahmood III jokes with us not to sleep all morning, he's got a cheek that boy, just because we napped in the van after getting up at 2:30! Anyhoo, we have no intention of sleeping, we're straight up on the upper deck for more photos of the wonder of Kom Ombo. Spend the morning cruising the Nile & getting some great shots of life on the bank that seems to have changed little in 1,000s of years. Even fetch the gargantuine lense (always liked that word, so rarely get to use it a sentence), Jo says it has created lense envy amongst the rest of the tourists. Pop back to the cabin for a quick repack for our afternoon trip then down to lunch.
We're eager to get in & out early for our trip (beat the hordes) but we're not the only ones with that idea as we wait with the group of 50 Japanese tourists for the restaurant to open. Lunch is good but light & we're prompt meeting Mahmood for our early get away, second problem with our plan, we haven't docked yet. Once docked we're off, with 50 Japanese, but get ahead as Mahmood's task of organising a pony & trap for us is far easier than his Oriental caraling counterpart. Buggy ride is strange to say the least & we're far from comfortable having our large Western noses hauled around this impoverised town by a rather lean horse with a driver too fond of the whip. Anyhoo......arive at yet another wonder, the temple of Horus in Edfu. Meet Mohamed, a stallholder with his own business card, I refuse his "gift" of a scarf but say I'll come see him on the way out. Mahmood III takes us to one side for our lecture but I just must take some pictures of the wonder before we're invaded yet again. Narrowly miss a mad Aussie girl doing cartwheels infront of the wonder, that would have been a good shot, we try to encourage Mahmood III to give it a go but he declines & so does his tip :). I've gotta be honest, I didn't really follow today's lesson, basically it goes something along the lines of, Egyptian / Roman kings built this temple for the story of Horus avenging the slaying of his uncle, I think. It's very well preserved because it was burried in sand for hundreds of years, apparently the Christians were hiding out here & when the Romans found them they burried it to discourage others from using it. Similar to the temple of Philae, the Christians chipped out many of the decorations. Maybe I was paying attention after all. Many interesting rooms, all with different stories to tell, amazing lighting effects through the temple too with many pillars & decorated walls to frame. Horus's wonder done, we meet Mahmood III in the coffee shop where I treat myself to a Turkish while Jo entertains the local pussy. Unfortunately for Mohamed the shopkeeper this was the slowest coffee on our trip, the boat is sailing in 15 mins & we've only got pony power to get us back. Mohamed is not pleased, he's been waiting for me for an hour, not sure what he was planning to do, maybe that was the hour he wasn't going to spend sitting in the shade smoking cigarettes & chatting with his mate. The irony being that we actually did want to get some tat for presents (sorry when I say tat, I obviously mean expensive gifts for our family & friends). Manage to negotiate the rest of the hawkers & those waiting for us back at the boat without spending a sheckle, even the chap who has taken a picture of us in our buggy & had it framed while we were away.
Back on the boat, we have a wash & freshen up before heading up to the poop deck for afternoon tea, blog update & transfer photos, made heavier by the excrutiatingly beautiful sunset on the banks of the Nile. Quick nip back to the cabin to freshen up before dinner & then caught up in the hullabaloo on deck. We gather with the others at the bow as we approach a narrow passageway which we assume is the lock, but just then Mahmood appears to tell us it's actually a bridge crossing. What is more to the point is 2 kids in a tiny row boat hawking & throwing garments up to the tourists leaning over the bow. It's a tricky manoeuvre as there is absolutely no clearance either side, we're quite worried they're going to get trapped & crushed. They don't & with the drama over the masses go down to dinner, we on the other hand have spied the real lock in the distance so stay a while & watch the mighty cruise ship line up. It is indeed tricky to fit such a large appendage into a small slot, seamen spill out as soon as it enters. Soon there will be liquid gushing everywhere as the event reaches its climax. Alas we can not stay for long enough for the whole length to slide in. 50 Shades of the Nile later, dinner is calling & it is a fine Egyptian fare as we dine on falafel, kofta & couscous. Little diversion as we drop off at our room, we find the chappy who made our towel into a crocodile is admiring the rowing boat he's made for this evening. We show him the sea life scene created for our honeymoon bedroom, he's in awe of this bale of crustation, but spurred on he makes us a scorpion & another crocodile. We all admire his handy work & I slip him a couple of quid, not that he was expecting it as had to follow him down the corridor.
Up to the bar & the party is in full swing. We order a G&T & tea whilst observing the international acts of lunacy taking place on the dance floor. I am roped into the conga on the second time round, sandwiched between old German & old Japanese ladies, much to Jo's amusement. Seems to be a theme, whoever wins the tombola has to start a dance, mercifully we don't. We do, however, join in the Macarena & one of those awful medley tracks, I even do a solo. We take our leave for a last glimpse of Nile moonlight before bed. Early start tomorrow, 3:45 for our hot air balloon ride.
Wonders visited 7
We're up at 3:45 this morning, as is the way on our "holidays" we have a lot to pack in today, starting with a early morning hot air balloon ride. The rush is somewhat exasserbated by the change to an earlier flight tomorrow, meaning we need to fit all the wonders of Luxor into 1 day. Anyhoo, quick brush up & down to the lobby for a cup of coffee & nibble on the leftovers from our Aswan breakfast box. Chappy from the balloon company picks us up, short hop to the ferry, join our new international friends & the ballon captain, resplendent with military epulettes. Cross the nile, into another van & we're at the dusty strip full of balloons. We watch with our new friends with growing anticipation as more & more of them are readied, flames dramatically shooting into the billowing inflatables. Soon it's our balloon gorging it's self on hot air & rising up, people are getting excited & a little nervous. Time to jump in, there's around 20 of us in total, captain goes through the safety & landing briefing, while the heat is intense as he gives it a few bursts to keep it inflated while he sorts out his paper work. Trouble is the paperwork seems to be taking a lot of sorting out, every other balloon has gone up, there's frantic phonecalls in Arabic, but not a word to us. Finally he turns the burners off, I ask him what's going on, he just says "we not go up". According to the balloon rep, the officials only checked our paperwork but they didn't have everything so were not allowed to fly. He goes off to try & find another balloon, some can come back tomorrow, we can not so will miss our trip. After 40 mins we're told "we not go up" & all trudge back to the van. We drive 20 metres, another chat & we're told "we go up!". So we all jump out & they get their thing in the air in record time, this time with a jolly fat captain, who really is rather funny. Going up is really cool (or hot, depends where you stand), virtually no sensation of ascending. We have a pleasant flight, but unlike the others that seem to sail close to the wonders & end up far away, ours is rather short, lands 100m away & if it wasn't for gigantor lense there would be no sign of the wonders. So dissapointed overall but better than nothing & there's always an element of risk with these things.
Escape the hullabaloo of landing & whisked off to meet Mahmood III at the Colossi of Memnon. Impressively large seated statues, looking rather ancient & fearsome in their rocky awesomeness. They are part of a much larger temple site currently under excavation, but they're about all there is to see. Next we hot foot it over to the Valley of the Kings where it is hotter than the surface of the sun. There's no photo's allowed so I'll describe the best I can this incredible landscape. It is like being in a gigantic limestone quarry, a series of paths wind their way to the various tombs that have been discovered so far, all in the shadow of the vast mountainside they have been carved out of. Our ticket allows us to see 3 of the 64 tombs they have discovered (we joke with Mahmood III that if we didn't have a guide we would attempt to get round all of them). We see Ramises III, IV & IX; Mahmood III has chosen tombs that offer different aspects but is limited somewhat to the tombs open at the time. Immediately we realise these are very different from the temples & pyramids we have visited thus far. Although the symbols are the same, the tombs are white plaster walls, adorned with colourful pictures & hieroglyphs. Of course they are done in different styles, being New Kingdom rather than Old Kingdom, but also being hidden away from the sun & away from the floods of the Nile has helped preserve them. We move on from the valley of wonder before we melt into the ground like so many tourists before us.
We're off to Hatshepsut's temple next, an immense stepped 3 story structure again built into (& out of) the mountainside. It looks from the air like a government building, very angular with large open arches (that look like windows from afar). It's so hot here Mahmood III gives us the history from the shade of the cafe before sending us off into the scorching sun. Quick summary, Hatshepsut was the wife of Ramesis who passed the crown to her step son, she put him in prison & became the first woman pharoah, he escaped, killed her & took the throne, an air of a Greek tragedy. There isn't much on the ground level, up the sloping steps to the 1st floor with its open courtyards & decorated archways. Finally to the top level lined with statues & through to the burial chamber where you can just see the sarcophagus through the roped off area. The temple guards (generally old chaps dressed in pyjamas) call the unsuspecting tourists over to let them in to roped off areas in return for a tip. A strange affair as the guards are the one encouraging you to go out of bounds but I guess it kind of works in a way of keeping most people out without paying for a proper guard. The whole temple has the feel of an old hollywood epic of open air courts & sweeping staircases where you can imagine pharoanic nobility swanning around. Scortched from the sun we seek out Mahamood III in the shade of the cafe where we have a nice chat about Egyptian / English food & culture. After a slow start we are quite warming to Mahmood III & I hope he is to us.
The last stop on our morning excursions is the Valley of the Queens, where the pharoah's children & wives are entombed. It is similar but smaller than the King's valley, just more of a white limestone gully. We see 3 tombs, all the sons of Ramesis, fair chance really as his first 13 sons died while he was on the throne. Again relatively well preserved white plaster walls still with much of the bright colours on display, but as Mahmood III said, the artists were given more licence to improvise as opposed to the strict code applied to offical pharoanic art work. We head back to the boat for a well earned break & freshen up from our long & largerly sweltering morning. We chat more to Mahmood III about travelling, he tells me how lucky I am to have a wife that would travel with me in the cold & harsh conditions of Nepal, Mrs Mahmood III certainly would not.
It is only a short break, we have an hour to gobble some lunch, shower & meet Mahmood III in the lobby for our afternoon excursions to the East Bank. It's a short trip to the magnificent temple of Karnak. Successive kings from pharonic to Greek / Roman times added to this temple of wonder. I feel I may have peaked too early as I'm struggling for supervatives to adequately describe this massive site, rows of ram statues line the entrance where 2 giant pharoahs stand guard over the inner hall containing a maze of symetrically aligned collumns followed by two 100m obelisques & onto the burial chamber, all aligned perfectly enabling a clear view from begining to end. Side courtyards, each filled with rows of statues follow the main thoroughfare & then round to the internal lake the size of 3 olympic swimming pools. Phew. Finally, with the wonder meter practically off the scale, we arrive at Luxor Temple. Although not as big as Karnak it is similarly themed with giant statues guarding giant halls filled with giant colums. The really interesting part of this temple is that they only discovered it after they built a mosque on the site, which still remains suspended above the temple. If that was not wonder enough, the back of the temple had been converted into a Christian church, the Egyptian decorated walls had been plastered & adorned with Michaelangelo-esque Italian renaissance artwork, which has crumbled in places to once again display the original decore.
You can see Luxor Temple from our boat so it's a quick jaunt back. 14 hours & 6 wonders after setting off at 4 o/c this morning we're home, for tonight anyway, we even managed to fit in some hard haggling for presents. We say our fond farewell to Mahmood III, our newest friend in Egypt. Little rest in the room, another shower & dress for dinner. All the crew are in their formal dress for the last dinner of the cruise, a little corny I know but I guess all part of the charm of cruising. Not much else to report, dinner, G&T on the poop deck, pack what little we got out & pack down for beddy byes, ready for yet anther early start.
Wonder meter 13
Modes of transport 9 (plane, car, train, van, boat, felucca, horse, ferry, balloon)
Up at 4:30 this morning, starting to yearn for our workday 6am starts. Quick flick round the room & down to the lobby for coffee & cake. Ahmed arrives bright & early and we're soon off to Luxor airport, which is only about 15 mins away. Feeling quite pleased at all we've packed in to the first week & quite looking forward to being in one place & on our own timetable. Jog in with our cases & up to the counter where Ahmed takes care of the formalities of getting us & our luggage checked through Cairo & on to Sharm el Sheik. Ahmed is taking rather a long time about checking us in & we're getting a little concerned. Eventually he turns & says there is some problem, he looks concerned, then dissapears around behind the counters into the offices. We are left to wait & get a coffee from the Riatzza emporium. Half hour later it's 6:30 & 30 mins to flight time Ahmed appears & we're not on the flight, apparently we can fly to Cairo but can't get on the connecting flight to Sharm. Obviously a hassle but should be ok to get there today, I just want to get outside for a smoke. Ah, says Ahmed, "I take you for Turkish coffee & shisha, we drink & smoke & get you on the next flight". I tell him we don't want a fuss, I just want a smoke but before we know it we're back in Luxor in a side street coffee & shisha house. Jo joins me in a Turkish coffee (her conversion to the dark side of coffee is complete), Ahmed offers me the sisha hubby bubbly pipe but at 7 o/c in the morning it's a bit early for me. Head office have got wind of the Thomas missed flight incident so instruct Ahmed to take us to a 5 star hotel for breakfast, they're good, how do they know how much I love a buffet breakfast. We're taken to Senosta St George hotel, seated with yet another lovely Nile view & enjoy a delightful but reserved breakfast until Ahmed appears with flights confirmed ready to take us back to the airport.
Smooth check in this time & through to departures where I blog in the delightful smoking lounge. Soon on the plane, soon off to Cairo & pretty soon landing. It's a tight connection but we make it through just as they start to board then it's just a short hop to Sharm & our journey is complete. Off & through to domestic baggage where we wait patiently, recognising that our bags may not be the first off for a change. We wait & wait & pretty soon there are no other people left & no other bags on the carousel. Both guess the same thing, our bags didn't make the tight transfer. Ho hum, find our rep, fill in a form, I try to insist they check where our bags are but it just isn't happening. Transfer to our hotel, the Grand Rotana, is smooth & quick, formalities dealt with, we're settled comfy in our room, minus our cases. Have a little settle then over to the pool bar for some lunchage & people watching. A little explore after lunch, nice low rise sprawling complex. Find the dive centre & have a really good chat with the manager chappy who gives us lots of options & advice for Jo on freshening up her skills. Head back to the room & time to chase up our rep, John. He opens by asking me if I've been in contact with lost luggage, actually John were you supposed to be doing that, best you get on to it. Basically the next few hours comprised of chasing up John, escalating to our main rep Mahmood & calling Egypt Air lost luggage. I'm told all sorts, it's in Cairo, it's in Luxor, it's on the next flight, then the next flight, hopefully it will be here soon. Trouble is no one knows where it is or seems to understand we need to find the case to make sure it is sent & not just hope it turns up soon.
Start to realise all the basic things we don't have (on top of all our camera gear & clothes), my phone is low, we've no underwear or anything to clean our teeth. I guess for most of the day we've still been expecting our cases to turn up. Eventually settle on room service, curry & a couple of beers while watching a Robert de Niro film. Walk off our din by visiting reception to plead for a toothbrush & shaving kit, they happily oblige & send down one of each for both of us. Settle back down & in the jammies...of no we don't have any. Clean teeth then watch Red Planet until we fall asleep.
Egyptian centres visited - 7 (Cairo, Giza, Aswan, Abu Simbel, Edfu, Luxor, Sharm el Sheik)
Cases in our possession - 0
Get up at....wait for it...8:15 this morning, the sun is shining, it's practically midday. Clean teeth & shave with the emergency kits we begged last night, not the best razor, I come out of the bathroom looking like an extra from a slasher movie. Up through the pool & the series of escalators that run through the hotel to get the concierge on the missing cases case, then on to breakfast. The buffet is resplendent, by far the most extensive we've had so far. It is all good, but we remain moderately restrained. Pop outside to the pool bar to finish my cofee & use the Wi-Fi we purchased yesterday, 2 hour card for about £10! Don't have to worry about disconecting to conserve the minutes as it drops the connection every 2 mins, as warned by the chap that sold it to us but bloody frustrating all the same. Manage to get a little routine going that means I get all the backdated blogs uploaded. Up to reception to wait for John who said he would be meeting us at 10am, I think, can never pin down John to much. We give up & head back down to the room to call him but Jo perks up like a startled meerkat at the activity on the front door. We dash over to the front desk & sure enough a red suitcase is being wheeled through the door. We wait excitedly for the other to arrive, but it doesn't. There is much activity with two reps from Egypt air, concierge & the long absent John, who presumably has heard the cases are on the way so is brave enough to call. Similar converation about where is our other case, maybe Luxor, maybe Cairo, should be coming today. We're not sure to be more concerned that only one case has arrived or encouraged that if they've found one, they will find the other. Anyhoo determined that the case saga is not going to dominate our holiday we return to our room with 50% less suitcases than we lleft one with, but 50% more than we had at breakfast.
The good news, for me at least, is that we have my case & without being selfish it does contain all the expensive camera gear. Quick unpack & down to the Camel dive club we went to yesterday that we remember had some nice swimwear, certainly better than the fake Burberry on offer in the hotel shops. Jo pickS out a very fetching, very tiny & very expensive French outfit. I figure it's the least I can do to buy two tiny pieces of material when I have a whole case of clothes. Back to the room for a quick change & up to the pool. Jump straight in, this pool is so wonderful I may have to add it to the wonder count. It has at least seven bridges, three islands & is so vast you can't see the other side. Well I can't see the other side, Jo can't see this side as her contact lenses are in her case. I am her seeing eye person, we play Marco Polo if I venture more than two metres from her. The pool is also completely empty so I lead Jo round the whole pool (but thinking about it I needn't have bothered, we could have gone round one of the islands a couple of times). We also dance & sing along with the Grease classic, You're the One that I want (oh oh oh, honey) in the middle of the pool, but it's ok cause I tell Jo that it's night & there's no one around. They've also got a water polo net, I challenge Jo to a game but they don't have one of those paralympic balls with a bell in it. Ready to hop out but I spot the water flume, I'm tempted to tell Jo it's an upstairs jacuzzi but think better of it. I myself have several goes, it's great fun. Grab ourselves a coffee at the pool bar then it's back to the room for a shower & ready for our trip into town.
We're on the 4pm bus to Nama Bay, the main town in Sharm, which is only about ten mins away. Interesting passing the hotels on one side & the vastness of the Sinai desert on the other. Then we start to come into town & things get decidedly tacky, bars, tourist tat & beachwear shops line the streets. There is of course the obligitory Hard Rock Cafe, complete with vacuous tourists having their picture taken outside. It's kinda interesting walking around getting a feel for the place, there seem to be some good places amongst all the kitch. We find just such a place just back from the beach, it has very comfortable outdoor seating, free Wi-Fi & Man Utd vs Newcastle on the big screen. We settle down with a few drinks, watch us comfortably win 3-0 & have a far more efficient surf than the hotel. That done we hit the shops to tied Jo over for the hopefully short time she has to wait until she is reunited with her belongings. She's not feeling terribly inspired & she is not a girl that has much patience for shopping so settles on just a T shirt & shorts, which of course we have to haggle for. Find our way back to this nice looking Lebanese place, Fairuz, where we enjoy some fine mezza starters & delicately spiced chicken & lamb. We're overlooking the Fairuz cafe below, which is filled with hubbly bubbly smoking masses watching the Barca - Real match with great excitement. this place is in stark contrast to most of the places which are largely, if not completely, empty. Things are a little more lively as we set out after dinner, it's pumping out on the street. The place has the feel of Southend, only warmer & with less class. I get offered weed, skunk & coke in the space of 20m, maybe it's the hat. One last stop before heading home, the supermarket for some snackage & toilettries which we pick up in the local Carrefor. Finally we're ready for the cab, but of course that involves more haggling which involves the kerb crawling as the price drops, I said it was like Southend.
Back in the safety of our hotel, we check if there is any case update before heading back to the room. Maybe tomorrow Jo's case will arrive, inshal Allah.
Jo's days in same pants - 2
Cases in our possession - 1
Slackers Juan? I take it you missed the first week of trekking round the wonders!
Up at 7:30 this morning, brush up & shave with the excellent five blade razor Jo talked me into getting last night for 75p & the matching shave gel for 50p. I emerge from the bathroom with Jo still snuggled up, there is a momentary stand off, will I get back in, will she get up, eventually Jo relents & rises like a phoenix from the sheets. Up to breakfast, which is utterly delightful. I try in vain to get the internet to work long enough to download part fo The Times, just the front page of a proper newspaper would be enough! Next, you guessed it, up to reception to check on the case status, no news but we rope yet another person to badgering Egypt Air. Also get reception to hunt around for some contact lenses so at least if Jo's case doesn't turn up she can still dive.
Back to the room for a change into the swimmies & down to the beach. Well it's not really a beach, the coast ends in rock & the sea begins in coral. They're done it really well though with lounger areas right up to the edge & a pontoon out passed the coral. I rent some flippers from our friends at Camel dive, trouble is I don't have the 350 Egyptian pounds for the security deposit so I give him all the money I have, about 230 pounds. I then leave Jo to relax with her book while I go explore the underwater world. Flipper socks I got for my birthday are great, really comfy flipper feet. Swim up & down the reef, it really is an underwater wonder. The 1m shallow reef stretches out for about 50m from the coast, then drops vertically for about 5m, then sharply down another 10m. The fish swim & peck along the shallow water, through all the nooks & crannies of the reef. This continues as I follow the reef along the coast line, shoals of brightly coloured fish swim below me, while braver bigger fish swim right up to me. Gaps in the surface of the reef refracts light into chanels in the coral wall showing yet more fish exploring inside. Bright blue clams, embeded in the coral, add even more colour to this underwater paradise. Satisfied with my first trip I head back for a dry off in the sun before returning with the underwater camera. The same fish extravaganza second time round, this time I float on the edge of the reef getting some great shots.
Dried off again we head back to the room for an escape from the midday heat. After showering off the Red Sea I join Josephine in some lunchtime snackage of Pringles, cake & marshmallow biscuits. Jo has chosen some Gibson blah on TV where he's some Scottish / American / South African colonial. Mercifully we're allowed to return outside before the anti-Semitic Ozzie buffon defeats the English single handed. Back in the pool I lead the sight impaired around a few laps of an island before heading down the flume. We discuss trips while drying off in the fading Egyptian sun. Bus trip to Cairo, probably not, shopping in a souk, no thanks, quad bikes at a circuit, nah, overnight trek to the top of Mt Siani, now that sounds like our sort of outing. Only if Jo's case arrives in time though otherwise she'll be doing it in thongs & shorts. Speaking of Jo's case, time to check on Egypt Air & see if reception have had any joy with her prescription. Concierge tell us John was in an hour ago getting the documents for going in to see Egypt Air at the airport. Jo speaks to the Dr, he says he's bringing a few days worth of lenses to the hotel this evening, which he duly does & promises to return with a full supply tomorrow. We pop to the pharmacy for some nail clippers, I ask what he's got for ear problems (just in case), so the pharamcist tries to sell me viagra, handy to know it's available over the counter but really not sure it's going to help my ear. Meanwhile back in the room Mahmood calls to say Egypt Air have located the missing case & he will be going to the airport in the morning to ensure it's put on the first available flight.
Head out to dinner at the Palms resturant on the waterfront & about 10m from our room. Have wonderful mezza starters (that probably would have been enough for dinner), Jo has salmon & I have scallops wrapped in something, not sure what, but nice. Up to the Sky Bar for a liquor coffee nightcap.
Jo's days in same pants - 3
Underwater wonders - incalculable
Arrise at the respectable time of 7:30, quick freshen up, Jo takes ages to choose what to wear from her extensive wardrobe, then it's up to breakfast. Breakfast is excellent as always but Jo is feeling a bit dicky so heads back to the room while I head out onto the patio to blog. I tinker with the Wi-Fi settings on the iPad like I know what I'm doing but to no avail it still drops every 2 mins. I manage to get the blog on line & the front page of The Times, George Osborne refuses to budge on austerity & Borris goes to Birmingham, don't know why I bothered.
Pick Jo up from the room & down to the dive centre to book our trips then some more snorkelling. Jo may be a bit dicky but she's not about to miss the fish fantasia I described yesterday now she has some lenses. It does not dissapoint & we are bobbing around the reef for about an hour. There's an amusing OCD fish hanging around the ropes from one of the pontoons, he frantically swims & pecks at anyone who comes into his territory, I get a nip myself while I'm holding the rope. Back on dry land for a dry off until its time to get out of the midday heat, Jo heads back to the room while I go for a cheeky milkshake at the bar while playing Plague inc (the objective being to infect & ultimately wipe out humanity). Back in the room we have some snackage while watching Michael Palin complete the North
African section of his Sahara expedition.
Rested, we head out for some afternoon sub aquatic action, well I do, Jo is content with a lay in the shade. More marine mischief ensues where I continue to do battle with my obsessive parrot fish friend. I actually want to descend on the rope to practice equalising my ears but the little loon is having none of it. Defeated, I head back but not before I spot a rather fearsome looking barracuda, he's about a metre long with razor sharp teeth. Unfortunately I've filled the memory card so I frantically delete photos underwater while trying not to get too close but end up missing what could have been a great shot. Quick dry off in the late afternoon sun before heading back. I've got a voicemail in the room from Mahmood, he's asking if I can describe the contents of Jo's case, this can only be considered a set back, especially after hearing that Egypt Air had "found" the case yesterday. Speak with Mahmood, he's in Cairo airport looking for it personally, we thank him, wish him well & send him a photo of my matching case.
Phone rings again, this time it's the Dr with Jo's supply of contact lenses. They're exactly right, same brand, right prescription & eye size. We ask how much, Dr starts saying, we don't stock them out here, they've come all the way from Cairo, then says 150 pounds. Well that's fine 150 Egyptian pounds is about £15, which is what they are back home. Err no, that's 150 pounds sterling, riiiiiiiiight.......we don't feel we can send them back, I try to haggle with him, he laughs, I go to the room to get my cash card. Should be able to claim on the holiday insurance, hope that's all we're claiming for. Back to the room & the phone rings again, this time it's Mohamed form head office letting me know they're searching every airport in Egypt. He offers to send someone to take Jo shopping, kind offer but there really is nothing around here she would want (no offence).
Shower & dress for dinner, Jo's gone a lovely colour thanks to no suntan lotion & good coverage on account of the size of her new bikini. We head for the Italian for something not too spicy for Joanna. It's all good, then up to the Sky bar for a nightcap & an ogle of the belly dancer. Then it's time for the bed. Maybe Jo's case will arrive while we're out diving, inshal Allah.
Jo's days in same pants - 4
Likelihood of case coming tomorrow - 40% (down from yesterday)
Apparently Jem has a missing luggage update, someone in Cairo wearing a pink thong with an extreme case of camel toe.
Up at the slightly earlier 7 this morning, Jo feeling much better & ready to dive today. Get our gear packed & up to breakfast, which is of course delightful but Jo is sensibly reserved, I am my usual self however. Out to the patio for blog upload but the internet is not working at all now, definitely a mark down this otherwise excellent hotel. I don't even feel like an ignorant Westener expecting all the comforts of home, we had cheap, reliable internet in China, India & South America. Even had better connection half way up Mt Everest! Over to reception for our Camel dive pick up, which arrives promptly, quick pick up next door & we're off to HQ in Nama Bay. Gather in reception & since Jo & I have already filled in the forms we get kitted out with our dive gear. I leave Jo with the rest of the refreshers, telling her to behave much to the amusement of her fellow students. I'm then off on my own in town, which at 9:50 has a decidedly sleepy feel, in stark contrast to leaving here Sunday night. I am accosted within 2 mins by a chap who wants me to visit his family shop & accept the Egyptian hospitality, I decline & move onto the beach front in the hope of finding a coffee shop that is open & has Wi-Fi. I stumble across the Viva Beach place we watched Man Utd in the other night, handy cause I already have the Wi-Fi account on the iPad, doesn't bloody work though. Anyhoo have a pleasant espresso & Sprite while I watch Nama Bay go by. My apologies Viva Beach, it seems it's GetJealous site that's down as I fb, send emails & read The Times (glad I turned down yesterday's Telegraph & Mirror from the street vendor). No good news of course, more austerity & seems the late, not so great, Jimmy Savile was a serial sex abuser. Meanwhile the street vendor comes back to haggle over the Telegraph, you can not get The Times in Sharm he says, I beg to differ my good man.
I return to Camel dive just as a wetsuit clad Joanna has finished her refresher in the pool. Sounds like she was top of the class, well that's what I heard anyway. Time for a quick change into my SCUBA things then the rather strange trot through town, on with the weights & BCD then the even stranger slalom through sunbathers & into the sea. Once we're waist deep it's time to get the mask & flippers on, much easier than the rocky entry in Gib earlier this year. We sink ourselves to the bottom of the still waist deep water & flipper out along the gently sloping bottom into deeper seas. We have a rather pleasant swim down to 14m, a few coral formations with abundant fish friends, a few man made structures too, a pyramid, a dolphin & a globe. The globe has a very impressive collection of lion fish, fanning out their fins. Good practise dive with lots of opportunity to regulate depth & buoyancy. 45 mins or so later we've gone back up the slope to the beach, good challenge to keep below the surface in only 2m of water. Eventually we surface, de-flipper & head back through the throngs. Really makes us realise how nice our resort is, with all it's separate sunning & swimming areas & not surrounded by overweight lobsters (not that we have people like that at our resort). All in all a nice little dive, really proud of Jo for facing up to her setbacks in Gib & to a certain extent Thailand, manning up to doing the pool refresher & getting back on the PADI wagon. We chat with our excellent dive master Marek & get him to sign our log books with dive 13. Quick whizz round the Camel dive shop & Jo doubles her daytime wardrobe, then it's time for our lift home.
Back in the resort, feeling peckish as usual after diving, we head for our favourite Palm resturant overlooking the reef. We share a burger & a beer while watching the gorgeous views & the endless day trip boats going passed. Pop up to reception to check on case update & collect our contact lense receipt that comes with a free ear perscription. After all that excitement we've earned a break in the room for a little lay & watch the second half of The Last Samurai that we fell asleep in last night (well I did, Jo fell asleep half way through the film before). Feeling a little groggy we drag ourselves together to get washed & dressed for our night out in Naama Bay. I've treated Jo to getting her only set of clothes washed, which arrives promptly as we're getting ready. Get reception to order a cab & arrange a pickup later, which is definitely a better than haggling for a ride in a mobile death trap, especially after seeing the state of the wrecked cab on the way out this morning.
Dropped off in town we have a little mozy through a shopping mall & end up outside the Fairuz cafe, the younger brother of the Lebanese restuarant we went to Sunday night. Have a very pleasant G&T, Sprite, use of the Wi-Fi and watch of the world go by. It is a little quiet for people watching, but Jo makes up for it by spying over the shoulder of one of the Middle Eastern guys next to us, he seems to have a topless picture of a man, taken by himself in the mirror & now he's framing it on his phone. Anyhoo, up to Fairuz restuarant where we order a medley of mezza, all delicious, apart from the selectin of pickled root vegatables I ordered. We round off with a couple of Turkish coffees before heading back to the cab rank. Walk back down the same strip as Sunday with pumping sisha bars, one that would suit RB Dave, offering smoking, drinking & bingo. Fend off the taxi hawkers confident in the knowledge that our executive Hyundi saloon will be arriving shortly, which he duly does & we have a much more pleasant ride home.
Back in the arms of the Grand Rotana, we settle down to watch Beyond Rangoon on Dubai One, our favourite Middle Eastern movie chanel. Mahmood left a message to say there's no news on Jo's case.
Jo's days in same pants - 5 (she's washing it)
Likelihood of case coming tomorrow - 20% (we're starting to talk of it as the ex-case)
Up at 7 o/c again ready for another days diving. Get ourselves packed & up to breakfast. As I said, it's such a delightful buffet but I feel it's time for a change, trouble is I don't know what I fancy, oh how I long for the days of plain cereal. I decide to have a little sour cream on my pancakes, it's nice & a little different, without going mad. No internet again today so no chance to upload yesterday's blog. Up at reception, it's over run with Camel dive people, we find ours & soon we're off with two others from our hotel. Bus is pretty much full, Jo has a chat with the group on the back seat during the short run into Naama Bay. Once at the dive centre there's plenty of milling around but little sign of action, someone gives them a nudge & we're soon wandering through town to the dock. Docks are awash with dive boats & divers, another street vendor tries to sell me The Mirror from two days ago, I tell him "do I look working class?!". I's all a bit confusing but we're soon on our boat & after more milling we're off into the bay. Mirriam, the pretty little dive guide, gives us our morning briefing. Jo & I are keen to train for the Nitrox certification as we've heard it allows you to dive longer, dive more in a shorter period of time & leaves you less tired, all related to less residual nitrogen in your bloodstream. We sign up & it's all pretty easy, quick run down from Francesco, swap the tanks & we're ready to dive Nitrox.
Long dive briefing from Francesco, Italian, almost certainly mad, but seems to be in charge. He goes on a bit & seems to be quite a big group for one dive master, but eventually we're into our BCDs & at the back of the boat ready to jump into the Red Sea. More milling at the buoy waiting for everyone to get their large asses into the sea, there are a couple of enormous blokes, must be carrying in excess of 15 kgs. Quick buoyancy check then time to head to the bottom, one bloke sinks like a stone, one can't get down & one woman doesn't want to go down. Queue more milling, this time at the bottom of the sea. Eventually Francesco returns to the bottom of the sea, minus one diver, well three divers actually as the French couple have wondered off. Eventually we're off with our group of misfits over to the coral garden we go. It is, I have to say a rather frustrating dive, on top of all the faffing Francesco is so laid back he's practically stationary in the water & one of the fatties just ploughs through, up, down, side to side whenever he see something or gets into trouble. There's some nice coral & pretty fish, nothing noteworthy though. Another faff when we ascend, melee on the rope but eventually we surface.
Back on the boat we change our gear over, have a spot of lunch then watch a PADI video on Nitrox diving for our certification. Funny Russian princess on the boat, either swanning around in her thong bikini (she was hot), or eating her English boyfriend (I swear she had his head in her mouth at one point). She must be still waiting for her passport. Anyhoo, time to check our Nitrox levels, calculate our maximum depth & off for for a drift dive this time. We're with Francesco again but in a slightly smaller group, without the pushy French but still with the pushy fattie. We swim along the bay with the coral wall on one side & the big blue on the other. The coral really is spectacular, so many colours & different formations. We find a giant conga eel resting in a hole, shoals of bright blue fish, even some tuna out in the blue, no sharks, whale or otherwise, no rays, moray or alternatives. Overall, stunning marine flora, lacking in fish fauna & some annoying human encounters. Camera battery packed up too, again a frustration.
Back on the boat again, disassemble & stow our gear. Jo & I chat about possible dives tomorrow, agree we'll do either the blue hole at Da'hab or the wreck of Thistlethorn, otherwise we won't dive. It's a short trip back to the dock where we file off, back through town & back to Camel. Sort out our log books with Francesco who unfortunately confirms neither of our dives are available. We do have to take a PADI study book & be back tomorrow for our test though, which is fine cause we can combine with our replacement present shopping. Soon it's time of jump on our bus back to the Grand Rotana. Jo 's new friends are staying in the Coral Beach Rotana next door, they say it's rubbish, which is a shame for them cause ours is so nice.
Walk through reception, have a joke with our friendly concierge that maybe our case has arrived & he is hiding it (he's not). Back to our room where Jo, not for the first time, washes off the sticky saltiness she's covered in. I meanwhile take a message from Mahmood, apparently there's been case developments & we need to get to the airport tonight. We meet some fella in reception who hands me his phone, I speak to a Lady Egypt rep who says they have found a case that might be ours & we need to go down to identify the body. Yet another faff in the airport while the right person turns up, we go through he same ritual yet again, you left Luxor to Cairo then Sharm, one case has been found, blah blah blah. Now Mahmood told me I need to get angry with them to make them do something, trouble is we've kinda resigned ourselves to it. I do my best though, I'm asked "can you tell me what's in the case?" - "have you found our case" - "no" - "well look for our case then we'll check what's inside" - "but we have many lost cases" - "well, if you lose 100 cases per day, how many of them will be red. Just look for red ones & we'll go from there". The latest spleen venting is aimed at Mohamed Ahmed, who actually seems like a nice chap who means well, but that doesn't get Jo her case back. Mohamed Ahmed promises to look into it personally & ring me in two hours to let me know (he doesn't). We head back with the anonymous driver, I'm feeling a little wound up now as really feel it is sitting in some unclaimed case pile in Cairo, we just can't get anyone to look for it!
Back in the hotel once more, we head down to the Silk Road restaurant, a taste of the Orient from the Middle to the Far East. Unwind with a G&T and feel better after starting in Indonesia, over to India for mains then finishing with a Calypso coffee (maybe a little detour to the caribbean on the way). Jo falls into a coma at the table, so much for the Nitrox (& my scintillating conversations). Better get goldie locks into bed before she turns into a pumpkin.
Modes of transport 12 (plane, car, camel, train, van, boat, felucca, horse, ferry, balloon, flippers, dive boat)
Jo's days in same pants - 6
Jo's days without a bra - 6
Likelihood of case coming tomorrow - 10% (Mohamed Ahmed looking like the latest to promise much & deliver little)
7:30 alarm today & to be honest we didn't really get up until 8 o/c. Wander up to breakfast, usual buffet banquet to steel ourselves for the rigours of life in a holiday resort. Sit on the patio for the blog upload, the internet is working for once, while Jo studies the Nitrox diving manual like the swot she is. Down to the room & more dallying, I even turn away the make up room guy cause we're bouncing on the bed. Eventually make it down to the reef, go into the Camel dive place to rent Jo a mask, see a new guy in there but he knows all about us & won't hear of taking a penny for the mask rental. Jump into the crystal clear waters & spend a most enjoyable hour or so watching the fish go by, only come out cause Jo can feel her head burning in the near mid day sun. It is like swimming in a real life aquarium, all our favourites are there, play with OCD fish for a while, see huge grouper swimming into a cavern under the reef. Once out we have a dry in the sun & now it's my turn to cram for exam later, but like the cool kids I have my music playing & really only look at the pictures.
It's lunch time & the hottest so time to get out of the sun, but first I must film myself going down the water flume, Jo gets some pictures of my splash down too. Over to the Palm for a little iced coffee treat before returning to the cool of our room to fill in our Nitrox review while munching on snackage & watching Bear Grylls in Patagonia. Just time for a quick shower before getting a cab into town to meet Francesco to (hopefully) complete our certification. We find the little Italian loon & get straight into our review. We've done well on our course work but now face the intimidating 25 multi-guess exam. We complete independently but only differ on one question, we're feeling confident that the rest are right, but who will get the extra mark. Actually we both get the same two questions wrong & of course Jo gets the extra mark. I'm going to challenge the answer with PADI & try to get the scores reversed, but for now JT has the bragging rights. In any case, we've both passed & can add Nitrox Certified to our PADI Open Water qualification we got 5 years ago, we'll be dive masters in no time. It may not be the most complex exam either of us have taken but there are some technical details you need to know & it is important because, for example, a PO2 of more than 1.4 can cause fatal oxygen toxicity. Before heading out we have a look round the Camel club hotel, see what the rooms are like as we're tempted to return for a long weekend diving, it would be handy for the dives but it would mean living in Blackpool with a tan. With relief we pop into Vanilla next door where we have a gorgeous coffee ice cream milkshake.
Head out into the market to replace the presents that have been lost with Jo's case, such is our level of resignment. Find a nice little place that has most of the stuff we want, helpfull chap, not too pushy. I tell him we've already bought this so we know how much, but he charges us only slightly more than the LE 250 we paid last time & we've got an extra camel. It would be rude not to bid him so knock him down a bit & a deal is struck. Next we're off to the beach front as we fancy fish tonight, stumble into our now familiar Viva Beach, which is rather good & has excellent Wi-Fi. They find us a nice table on the beach front (this is the same beach we walk through for our shore dive, they just clear all the loungers & lay some rugs & tables on the sand). We have a delightfully romantic fish supper looking over the bay & with the planes coming in overhead. Plus we upload some blog pictures & email Mahmood II & III their photos. Bid our fond farewells to our beach friends, next I'm in the market for a Turkish coffee pot, they're always beautifully ornamental where ever we've been served. No luck though, doesn't seem it's the sort of tat tourists go for, do get myself a working shish-a pipe, I can see my mother & me puffing in the garden in the summer. Jo's remembered some more present recipients so quickly pop back to friend in the first shop, where I do my best Mike Brewer impersonation (probably wasted on him). I turn the tables on a local by going up to him & complimenting his pocket handkerchief, he seems genuinely pleased, especially coming from the home of sartorial elegance. Just time for another coffee milkshake, which is like coffee & desert rolled into one, before heading back for our pickup. It's a bit of a rush, cause the taxis can't wait, but that certainly shakes off the hawkers as they can't keep up.
Back in our hotel we search in vain for the England vs San Marino match. Have a channel surf in the jammies, that's me of course, Jo's mum reckons her's are on a stall in Cairo.
Jo's days in same pants & no bra - 7
PADI qualifications - 3
Likelihood of case coming tomorrow - 20% (I'm taking it up as we're going to look for ourselves in Cairo tomorrow)
Up at 7 this morning as we actually have a bit to do before our flight & not 100% sure of check out time or when our pick up is, having a local travel agent makes you a bit lazy about such things. Jo starts my packing while I'm getting washed up, as she has none of her own to do. As Magnus Magnusen would say, I've started so I'll finish & we're all packed before breakfast. Go up & make the most of the buffet of plenty before popping outside to upload the blog & check on the news, in 2 min intervals of course. Seems there was some more trouble in Tahir Sq last night, the public aren't happy with the lack of progress of the new president or the Islamic focus of the Brotherhood. I have heard a few times that government services have declined since the revolution, I presume including looking for lost cases by the state run airline. Sort out the last of our business at the Camel dive shop where we give our feedback, pick up our licences & settle our bill. Have a chat with the manager about trips direct from our hotel, there seem to be some good options, tilting the balance towards coming back to the Grand Rotana for a prospective dive weekend.
Back in the room we realise we've got over an hour to kill before our 11:30 pick up, such is our mammalian efficiency. Jo wants to get the last of the sun so we head out to the hammocks overlooking the sea. Jo climbs into hers very carefully & ladylike, I jump on & swing wildly for 10 mins. After a delightful hour in the sun we head back to the room for a quick shower & freshen up before our flight. I ring for someone to pick up our case (emphasising the singular), efficient check out, give our details to the concierge in case our case arrives at the hotel at some point in the future. He insists on another futile call to Egypt Air lost & found. Quick hop to the airport where we're met by someone from Egypt Air to give us our compensation. I need our boarding passes for the claim, which are in the case, toy with telling them to forget it but we can give it as a tip, might as well. Go through the formalities, check the form doesn't say we waive all rights to ever getting our case back & take our LE 200. I have a little sarcastic joke with the Egypt Air guy, asking him not to lose my case, he laughs nervously. Check in for our flight to Cairo, the check in guy automatically prints 2 luggage tags, he looks inquisitively, I tell him he has our other case. He tells us we should file a lost luggage report, good idea, but he's only trying to help. Get ourselves settled by the gate, I look for the smoking area before realising it's everywhere. Settle with a blog, coffee & a smoke (the patches to help me cut down are also in Jo's case). No flight call, we just able through the rather relaxed security & it is indeed time to board our flight. Onboard & soon in the air we amuse ourselves with a couple of episodes of Inbetweeners, we're cringing with laughter as Simon is standing outside caravan club with his trousers round his ankles, just as the stewardess asks us to put our trays away.
Landed & disembarking we strain to see our last remaining case come out of the plane, we don't. Into the baggage hall which is next to lost luggage. Jo watches for case 1 as I start the process for case 2. Jo is successful in keeping the case we have, I am informed there is a case that has been identified as potentially Jo's in Terminal 1 (yes that old one again). We trot outside, are met by the ever reliable Mahmood & off we go to the missing luggage capital of Egypt, possibly the world. Mahmood leads us down to the office where will fill in more forms, describe the case, the contents, the tags, yet again. I'm sent to look for the case myself while Jo lists out the contents on the Egypt Air form, she sensibly had already made note of everything so was just a case of transferring across. I'm led out by some non-descript guy in a polo shirt who has my passport, wait while he gets authorisation & finally led to the bowels of the airport where lost cases go to die. It is a vast room lined with packing shelves, which are in turn lines with cases. It's like The Matrix only instead of pods, there are cases, rows of cases as far as the eye can see. I'm led to the October section but insist on going through every row, shelf by shelf, case by case. I touch each one to ensure I've checked, sometimes I think I see it but really nothing looks remotely similar. Finally I leave the hot, smelly dungeon of despair, meet Mahmood & deliver the bad news to Jo (who had a look of complete lack of expectancy when I returned). Complete the paperwork, yet another Egypt Air chap tells me he will personally look everywhere & not rest until it is returned (or until the passengers leave & they put Middle Eastenders on the TV). Mahmood suggests we file a report with the tourist police for our insurance claim, seems like a good idea so we seek them out. Mahmood finds the desk, official puts his paper down, lights a cigarette & tells him he can't possibly do it now, come back at 10am tomorrow, Mahmood points out we will be flying then, official suggests we come back to Egypt to pick it up. We've been in the airport for 3 hours now & I can't bear to go through another charade so we're off. Unfortunately we're off during Cairo rush hour so it takes us an agonising hour to get over to our hotel on the Nile, The Fairmont.
Once we arrive & check in we find a gorgeous room waiting for us. Giant bed with the softest Egyptian cotton, surrounded by polished teak & marble bathroom with rainmaker wet room. Just a shame we only have a few hours to enjoy it in & no time for the views or the rest of the hotel. Pop down to the Californian grill where we unashamedly enjoy a burger each, in the restaurant on our own. Back up to our room, feeling very tired even though it's only 9 o/c, shower, watch Men Who Stare at Goats before Jo is out for the count. Better get finished myself as we're up at 4:45 tomorrow.
Jo's days in same pants & no bra - 8
Likelihood of case coming tomorrow - 3%
Alarm goes off at 4:45, think we were both only half asleep waiting for it to go off. Up & wash up, I even have a shave as I'm feeling surprisingly awake for such an un-Godly hour, especially as the days of silly early tours are well behind us. Dressed, I put a pair of shoes on for the first time in 2 weeks & Jo puts her first new thing on for a week, the dive Tshirt we got from Camel. Downstairs for checkout where of course Mahmood is waiting for us & we're soon in the car & being whisked through the now empty streets of Cairo. Mahmood points out that there is no trouble in Tahir Sq now. Arrive at the airport in about a third of the time for the opposite direction last night. Mahmood thinks we've never been to an airport before as he handles everything for us. He does, however, make the schoolboy error of joining the ordinary check in queue, no no my dear boy over here. Finally Mahmood has to leave us with a handshake for Jo & a compulsory hug from me. Quick wizz round the duty free, get some fags, coffee & molasses sisha, some baklava & the most attractive camel I ever did see. Up to the lounge, which has a feel of a gentlemen's club but I'll be dammed if I can find the gin. Consumed the pastries forced on us at the Fairmont, washed down with Nescafe instant coffee, mmm. Read a brilliantly written & horrifying account of the battle for Aleppo in the Sunday Times.
Soon enough we're on board & ushered upstairs with a glass of champagne in hand, although a little flat. Take off is, if anything, a few minutes ahead of schedule & momentarily we're getting our final look at the sprawling city of Cairo. Breakfast is served & although BA have yet to introduce the buffet system, it is all good & plentiful. After polishing off Jo's muesli as well as my own, accepting an extra pastry & tucking into my smoked salmon, I'm really not sure I have room for my steak & eggs course! Jo, bless her, has nodded off between courses, I toy with all manner of "amusing" tricks to play on her, hide her steak in her pocket & claim she's eaten it or draw a burka on her, but somehow manage to resist. Breakfast over, time for a film, I've chosen Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, Jo thinks it's a bit gay, we shall see. It is a bit gay, but quirky, funny & touching too, Jo blubs like a girl while the disinfectant must have irritated my eyes. I recover with T20 highlights before it's time to turn off then switch to my own T5 world championship Stick Cricket. Landing is so smooth I hardly notice while beating Oz on my way to the final against India.
Quick through passport & collect our remaining case & off to collect the car from valet parking. Rather worryingly they can't find our keys, now losing a case is unfortunate, losing a whole car could be seen as disastrous! Spurred on by my case investigation in Cairo I go off hunting for in the car park but called back by Jo. Mystery solved, our form has the wrong name one it, can't believe we took it back & carried it round for 2 weeks without noticing. Anyhoo, minor distraction, we're soon on a clear M25 heading home.
Overall, yet another amazing trip. I felt somewhat this was a lesser adventure than previous years as it's relatively close to home & well travelled. However, it contained all the key parts to the trips we love so much, visiting iconic sites, packing in as much as possible, using as many forms of transport as possible. No matter how many times we've seen the pyramids, Luxor & the like, nothing prepares you for the sheer scale of these monuments or the sense of history you feel being there. Similarly, diving in the Red Sea is as much of a must do as the Great Pyramid. Interesting to visit Egypt at this transition time, there seems to be a sense of frustration while the country & the government establishes itself following the turmoil of the revolution & the euphoria that immediately followed. Of course we have experienced first hand some of the lethargy that dogs state agencies. Although Cairo is a bit rough round the edges, we saw no grinding poverty & actually little evidence of any extremes of rich or poor. The absolute highlight for me was the pyramids & for Jo it was Abu Simbel, both iconic & magnificent. We'll miss the fantastic weather, the easy going way of the average Egyptian but we'll be glad to know how much things cost & not have to go through some pantomime every time we want a bottle of water. We would definitely recommend travelling to Egypt, especially now while it's relatively quiet, it's safe & for the most part well organised. Our local travel agent Lady Egypt were excellent, all the reps looked after us, especially Mahmood with his tireless chasing of Egypt Air & both our guides were friendly, reliable & very knowledgable about the sites & history.
But for now, back to reality.
Hubbly bubbly pipes smoked - 1
Litres of humus consumed - 10
Wonders visited 15 (4 x Pyramids, Sphinx, Philae Temple, Abu Simbel, Kom Ombo, Temple of Horus, Colossi of Memnon, Valley of the Kings, Hatshepsut's Temple, Valley of the Queens, Temple of Karnak, Luxor Temple) & The Red Sea
Egyptian centres visited - 7 (Cairo, Giza, Aswan, Abu Simbel, Edfu, Luxor, Sharm el Sheikh)
Modes of transport 12 (plane, car, camel, train, van, boat, felucca, horse, ferry, balloon, flippers, dive boat)
Jo's days in same pants & no bra - 8
PADI qualifications - 3
Likelihood of case coming ever - 1E-10 %
After talking about little else for the last 2 weeks our departure date is on us in a flash, with no time in the last few days to feel remotely excited. Wednesday night, Kayla comes round for a farewell curry, but no Rachael as she has swapped looking after 2 children for looking after a sick boyfriend (when I say sick I mean ill rather than he's been making inappropriate suggestions to my daughter). Anyhoo, log off work 1am, back on at 7am this morning, work through till 11, Rach pops in to say hi on her way to visit her sick mother (when I say sick...). Then just enough time for a quick wrap up & freshen up before the Malsters arrive. I'm expecting them about 10 for our 12:30 getaway but Jo's parents get here respectively at 12 & soon we're off in their mini-bus to Heathrow.
Pretty good run round the M25 in Tony's safe hands & soon we're at terminal 5. The truck valet parked we head to check in, drop the skis through fast track & off to the lounge. Horror at the lounge, the misserable dorris will only let one extra in. I can not believe it, all 5 of us went in the lounge on one silver card in the summer, but old trout draws is not having any of it. So with everyone feeling rather awkward we go our separate ways. I reluctantly pour myself a G&T and we both tuck into the bitter tasting korma (actually the korma is very good). Leave the lounge for a spot of shopping, the new CK Beauty perfume, Molton Brown, fags & on to the booze. Tempted by a guy who forces several shots at us but we stick to our favourite Kahlua. Now it's time to meet up with the folks & get the train to the B gates, where we again split up as Jo & I head for the lounge. Two more G&Ts and extensive lounge pilfering later we're off to board the flight. Hand the pilfered goods as consolation & soon we're champagned up on board the upper deck.
Several anoying delays on the ground but at least they start the in flight entertainment immediately. We fancy quite a few things on the list & start with the recently-at-the-cinema End of Watch. It is a great film, funny, entertaining, powerful and builds to a stunning cresendo after drawing you into the main characters. We're kept going with a steady supply of Kir Royal and Gin for Jo and me respectively until a rather late dinner arrives. Dinner is all good though, crayfish, beef & lashings of champagne. Once the chocolate cheesecake is put away we're finally done. Decide after the emotion of End of Watch we're better off with something purile, so go for Hotel Transylvania, but it is just too purile so off it goes. I surf a bit, maybe time for some shut eye, but I'm not feeling that great. Now anyone keeping count of the booze I've consumed so far will probably have seen that coming, wish I had. Have to keep myself alert until I feel it's safe to pack down for a little recovery rest. Meanwhile, Jo has formed a relationship with the steward who she describes as the most delightful flight attendant she's ever had. I suggest we fix him up with the chef at le Moulin.
Land in Vancouver, soon off & round to a rather frustratingly long wait at the baggage carousel. Once out we're met by Brooke himself for the drive to Whistler. It's rainy & mild as we drive through downtown Vancouver, then over past Stanley Park when Brooke points out that strange smell entering the car is from a startled skunk. It's pretty unpleasant but I'm happy to have experienced skunk smell (until it dawns on me that Brooke may have dropped one & blamed it on the skunk). The car falls silent as we leave the city & onto the dark sea to sky highway. Rain turns to snow as we approach Squarmish, then heavier in Whistler which is looking very pretty. Checked into the Pan Pacific (fancied a change from the Westin), awkward moment as I suggest we don't have adjoining rooms (as the sound of whips & chains may keep us up all night) but they're full. No biggy though. Quick trot to the grocery store with Jenny & Tony ohing & ahing at the pretty snow covered village. Stocked up & quick plan for the morning & it's time to retire to our respective rooms. Then it's unpack, shower, cup of tea & beddy byes.
Smoke count - 1 (Canada)
Thanks for all the well wishes people, nice to know that the blog still generates some interest after all these years. Thankfully Jem, no hangover this morning, can't quite work out when it should have come, but it didn't.
Thanks Pete, glad you enojy & yes you really should get out more. Must be your turn to blog next!
Not a good night sleep at all, manage to hang out till 6:30 when I get up to watch the resort TV & read The Times thanks to the free Wi-Fi at the Pan Pacific. Wake JT up around 7 & time for some more resort TV & Classic FM on TuneIn Radio thanks to the free Wi-Fi. Wash & dress, knock for the Malsters then down to breakfast. Now I had't really sussed out the hotel eating options on their website, talks a lot about the Dubliner Irish pub. Turns out that is the breakfast establishment & although I have an excellent eggs benedict served by a husky waitress in a saucy kilt, its not a patch on the plethora of delights offered by the Westin. Chat about skiing, the EU & women soliders serving on the front line, then it's time for us to head up & get into our gear.
Jump into our gear, which is feeling rather roomy thanks to our pre-ski diet, Jo even has to grab a belt to keep her pants up. Collect the seniors & take them round to the Carlton Lodge where they'll be picking up their ski stuff, then it's finally time for us to head up the gondola. Pleasant chat in the cabin with our newest Canadian & German friends, helps the long ride go quicker. Finally we arrive, tighten everyting up then we're off down Whiskey Jack for our first run of the season. Feels good & we're looking good as we continue through to the Upper Olympic to check out where the Malsters will be skiing this afternoon. Back up & for the second run of the winter we take the epic Dave Murray top to bottom, much more challenging but all good. Next up we head for the Peak, run down the Saddle, Franz Meadows & all the way down to the village. There we head for Starbucks for a coffee & a treat while we wait for T&J to be ready for the afternoon session.
Jump off the gondola at the first stop to escort the parents over to the Olympic learning zone. All jump on the magic carpet, our first time too. Quick run down together before leaving the Whistler novices to play while we head off to find more challenging conditions. Miss the lift & end up running all the way down to Village again, so another long gondola up again. Take Dave Murray into Bear Paw, which is steep, lumpy & firmly in the clouds, it's very tough on the legs on the first day but we do pretty well. Find the Malsters in the learning zone where Jo sends me up for another tough run while she's talks her parents into taking the lift up to the daunting Upper Olympic. Less cloud this time but another tough fast run. Back round to the Learner zone where the magic carpet lifty encourages me to jump on the magic carpet. He's a bit taken aback that someone doing the learner zone is so out of breath, I tell him I'm not one of these people sonny! Eventually find the full compliment of Malsters & coax Tony onto the lift, where he takes the Upper Olympic all in his stride. Pack mum & dad onto the download then Jo offers to race me down. She gets a good headstart as I'm rolling around in the snow with laughter. I head back to the room, have a cup of tea, then head back out to greet Jo fininishing her run in. The Pan Pacific has silly ski lockers with an absurd combination lock like you see on safes in 50s crime shows, not impressed compared to handing your skis to the English / Aussie / Kiwi at the Westin ski valet. All pop out quickly again to pick up our lesson tickets for tomorow, then JT & I sneak up to the GLC for a cheeky Bear Paw honey larger before it's back to the hotel for some hot tub action down at the spa. Suitably warmed up & relaxed we flump in the room until it's time for dinner.
All head out to The Keg as is our first night tradition, but to our horror there's a 45 min wait. Head down the other end of the village to another of our favourites The Brewhouse. It's another 45 minutes wait there too but there's seats at the bar so we grab some lifties & chat until our table is ready. Once seated we consume 4 fish & chips, I eye a sticky toffee pudding on another table but can't face it after another huge Whistler dinner. All suitably fed we head back the longish, chilly walk back to the hotel. Within seconds we've stripped off & in bed watching the Fantastic Four, well Jo watches it through her eyelids. Pretty soon I turn in too.
Smoke count 3
Fall table
Rob - 2
Jenny - 0
Joanna - 0
Tony - 0
(The Malsters just aren't trying hard enough!)
After packing down around 10:30, sleep soundly until 1:30, then awake off & on before finally get off about 5 o/c, until alarm goes off at 7am. Jiggle JT then set about making our Whistler staple breakfast of oatmeal & toast while we watch the purile resort TV & listen to Classic FM. For some reason we don't manage to get out until 9am, decided the Whistler gondola is too busy so head up Blackcombe. Ski down to the Crystal Hut where Jo decides she needs a comfort break, so suggests I go up for a warm up run. I'm off on the Jersey Cream Express thinking double diamond vs Jo's advice of a warm up run. On the lift I see the double diamond black Jersey Cream Bowl, it doesn't look too bad so my minds made up. Once at the top of the bowl it does look rather daunting but run down all the same & it's fine. Good & fast down the rest of the runs in to the Crystal Hut where JT is waiting for me. We head up together & spend the rest of the morning taking four runs down different pitches onJersey Cream Bowl. The last run cutting through the trees to find the mogul black Blowdown. Soon it's time to head across the Peak to Peak & quick break in the Roundhouse before our lesson. It's a zoo in there but manage to squeeze on a table somewhere. Jo only wants a cup of tea but when I return with a roast beef sandwich she devours half of it.
Head up to our lesson & place ourselves firmly in the top level 6 group. There's such a mass of instructors we figure we're bound to get one to ourselves but end up with Erestine (or something) joining our max 4 team. We're not sure of Erestine, she sounds a bit of a welk but what can you do. We head up to the peak & take a run down, actually Erestine looks pretty good, she's fast & stylish down the Upper Peak to Creak, maybe we've under estimated her. Chatting on the lift back up, Erestine is a self employed Stock Options Trader, living in Whistler all winter, skiing in the day & trading European hours. Sounds like she's got it made. Back up to the peak & Jeff (our instructor) takes us down Whistler Bowl, finally something challenging. Turns out we were right, take Erestine off a nice groomed run she is a complete welk. She whines & grizzles all the way as Jeff is forced to slip slide us down & across out of the steepest pitch. Trouble is with the low cloud Jeff has now taken us into a steep rocky outcrop, which is so difficult Jeff himself takes a tumble. This doesn't help Erestine the whiny welk as she screams & yelps until, that is, she sees the rocks where she sits on her ass, cries like a baby & yells she's going to die here. It's bloody difficult to navigate through all the rocks but none of us die and whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Erestine obviously hasn't heard this saying as she skies out & goes home. Jeff then takes his remaining students through challenging, but not life-threatening terrain. Not a bad lesson all in all, we do brush up our technique but no step change like our lesson with John last year. Jo suggests we go back to the peak for a cofidence building last run of the day, top to bottom. Trouble is a morning of double diamonds & an afternoon of steep off piste has taken it's toll & pretty soon it seems a long way down for Jo as her legs are burning with 2km to get home, but we make it & without further incidents.
Once in, we have a quick change & head out for a quick stock up & a fancy Starbucks coffee. Bump into the Malster seniors on the way home, they've chosen to sample local favourite (but vomit inducing) chips covered in cheese, covered in gravy. Seems mum & dad similarly had mixed feelings of their lessons, did well but were held back by welks in their group. Lets hope they have a better experience tomorrow & get them skiing down to the village. Quick rest back in the room before heading down to the spa, where Jo broils herself in the hot tub, I have a quick go in the steam room but it's not particularly plesant.
Head out to Dusty's for a Saturday night of beers, burgers & live music. Tonight they have the local favourite FOMO, which aparently are a Grateful Dead tribute band. Now I don't know much about these guys, but think they're more soft rock than death metal but time will tell. We order a pitcher of Kokanee Gold & 2 warrior burgers and settle with the ice hockey on TV. Tonight the Edmunton Budgie Smugglers are playing the Calgary Fudgepackers. Our beers & burgers arrive which are all good, we consume while watching with intriuge the assortment of hairy rocker types setting up the stage. With all the burgers & most of the beer consumed, what looks like the band finally arrives on stage, mumble through one song, then put down their instruments & return to their beer & loyal fan base. We call for the check & a cab. On our way out we realise they are actually charging $10 cover charge for this lot, and people are paying it!
Back in the room for a cup of tea & fall asleep on the sofa before stumbling into bed.
Fall table
Joanna - 4 (4)
Rob - 2 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
Jenny - 1(0)
Tony - 0
(How long can Tony keep it up)
Smoke count - 2
Beer aggregate - 8 pints
Manage to make it through to 6:30, JT gets up soon after & staggers out like Bambi's first steps. Breakfast of oatmeal & toast on the sofa while listening to XFM. Make it out just before 9am, the GoPro getting its first outing today. Chap spots my GoPro in the lift & comments he must bring his out, his friend asks him what he uses it for, porn mainly he replies, then gives Jo a cheeky nudge, Jo replies that's ok, that's what we use it for. Up on Blackcomb today where we work our way along the gladed blacks off Expressway. Raptors Ride is first, goes well, next up is Where's Joe. I ski the first pitch & turn to wait for Jo as a group of show offs fly down. One falls at the top, his mate whizzes past shouting "best skier on the mountain bro", then promptly skis straight into a tree, oh the irony. Meanwhile Jo & I ski the rest of the run, a little slower but with style & all our limbs in tact. Run back round to the the Solar Coaster & complete the set with Watch Out & Yard Sale before lunch.
Arrive at the Glacier Creek Lodge around 11:30, hoping we will be just the right side of peak time. Alas it is a seething mass of helmet's, goggles, coats, backpacks, skiers & boarders. Manage to grab a couple of slices of pizza & squeeze on the end of a table. Coffee & tea served with the chocolate bars from our rucksack for afters. I'm trying the peanut butter KitKat for the first time, Jo has a jumbo KitKat chunky. Jo struggles with the frozen monster, she can't remember the last time she had something that big & that hard in her mouth. Lunch over we head outside to the ski racks, I take a knee in the deep snow at the side, Jo is so busy laughing at me she also takes a tumble, gets half up & falls over again, the stuff is like quicksand. Decide to continue our gladed adventures along the backside of Blackcomb. Take the very long & challenging Arthurs's Choice where Jo takes a tree related fall, then the not so long but very steep In The Spirit. Both good runs well skied, there are couple more gladed runs in this section but the trouble is it's a long run along Glacier Road back to the lift. Take a run down the lift line then back up Excelerator Express, accompanied by the most anoying skier on the mountain bro. She's American, obviously, everything is "awesome", "and he was like...and I was like, whoa", "like duh, are you retarded", she didn't shut up the whole way, until I threw her off that is. Anyhoo back up to the Rendezvous to continue our tree hugging adventures with Bark Sandwich. You'll notice the planners obvioulsy like to create a sense of drama when naming the runs, Bark Sandwich & Yard Sale are two of my favourites. Neither of us eat any bark though, however back at the top I did wipe out after failing to see the 1 metre drop. Leave Jo for a comfort break I take a lightning fast run down Catskinner, followed by the agonisingly slow lift back up, entertained though as it overlooks the terrain park. With Jo suitably comforted we plan our run home, down Springboard, into the fog & then pretty much any run that said Whistler Village we could make out of the signs.
Back in the hotel for a quick change, plan our evening with the Malsters then off for a coffee. Try to get a reservation in Earls & The Keg but fail on both fronts, ho hum. Back to the room for a quick shower before picking up the seniors to take them to the Fire & Ice show. A good show, one of our early Whistler favourites but not something we've bothered with recently. Get very cold waiting for the ramps to get set up, the skiers & boarders practiced before the ring of fire is finally lit. We watch a few of the jumps before heading off to beat the crowds for dinner. Still a 45 min wait at The Keg so we head into Brandy's for a couple of honey beers served a delightful girl with a couple of fine assets. She even comments how nice Jo smells, Jo somehow knows exactly what I'm thinking. We devour a plate of nachos while watching the Vancouver Bear Rimmers loose to some team with the initials SJ. Hear all about the beginers lessons, they both have 1-2-1 lessons & both get on very well. Jenny has been up on the Olympic chair & Tony has been up to the Roundhouse, skied down Whiskey Jack too (a quite challenging green, especially for the Whistler mountain novice). With our table ready it's time to head upstairs for more beer & more food. All have steak, Jo & Jenny have the all time Keg favouite Steak Oscar, while I try the new addition with pecan & it works. Tony's gone for the Teriyaki. With us all stuffed & the ladies falling asleep at the table we head back to the Pan Pacific.
I attempt to write the blog but fall asleep on the sofa, no option but to turn in.
Fall table
Joanna - 5 (1)
Rob - 4 (2)
Jenny - 2 (1)
Instructor 1 (0)
Tony - 0
(I'm gonna take Tony out tomorrow)
Smoke count - 1
Beer aggregate - 13 pints (Thomas only)
Make it through till 5am, can't get back to sleep, hanging on for 6:30 but have the presence of mind to turn the alarm on, good job too as I doze off until the buzzer. Drag myself up & do the breakfast while Jo watches the story of Philip & Mertle, the founders of Whistler. Pop some Beethoven on while we chomp our breakfast. Jo pops next door to have a video call with Jem & Oliver while I finish yesterday's blog & get myself ready. Finally get out just before 10 o/c & bump into the Malsters in the silly ski locker room so all go up the Whistler gondola together, well to mid-station anyway where we say our fond farewells.
JT & I head over to the peak chair where we present our gift of a duck to join the famous peak chair duck disco. Lifty is suitably pleased & we jump on the next chair. Very quiet on the peak chair, must be something to do with it blowing a gale & thick cloud. We're planning to do the Peak to Creak today, but the peak has near zero visibility & the lower section is ungroomed, this could be a bit of an adventure. Take it slow & steady off the peak, sticking together so we know if one of us disappears off the side of the mountain. Good controlled skiing through the thick cloud & it does eventually clear somewhat. I pick up the pace with visibility now almost 3 metres, then spot a piste marker I'm going to stop & wait for Jo. Decide I'm going to run into the pow just off the piste for a spectacular hockey stop. Well it certainly is spectacular as my skis hit the pow, I pop out, fly head first & land 3 metres away. As usual I'm unhurt & as usual these days my falls are less to do with my inability to cope with tough conditions, more my inability to think when conditions are less tough. Anyhoo, dust myself off & cary on, we're looking for the gladed blacks off the Lower Peak to Creek. We find a barrier that says, ski area closed, be aware of logs, creeks, heavy machinery & be prepared to walk around obstacles. I'm keen apart from the walking part so we give it a miss & carry on. The rest of the run is in thick cloud, lumpy but not lumpy moguls to make it challenging, all just rather anoying. I promise Jo we can have a coffee in Dusty's when we're done. Good to my word we pop into a surprisingly busy Dusty's coffee bar & enjoy a couple of lattes & energy bars. It's 12 o/c when we leave & technically we've only done one run (albeit an 11km run).
Head up the Creekside gondola & the Holmes (Big Red) Express up to the Roundhouse. Run down Dave Murray & Bear Paw then off onto the gladed black, Unsanctioned. It is a rather beastly run, full of pow, snow covered fallen trees, steep sides & jumps. Jo has a couple of tree related incidents but generally skis with great tactics, my tactics are ski as straight as possible & hope I don't break my neck. Back up & similar run into another glade, In Deep, a shorter run but still pretty tough, we both ski well. Back up to The Chic Pea for our first visit of the trip. I discover they serve hot sandwiches in naan bread, I recomend the turkey one with spinach side salad. Plan to meet up with the beginners after lunch, can't find them on the Olympic, either they too have headed into the tree lined runs or they've had enough for the day. Turns out they've skied non stop since this morning (unlike the two stop Thomases) & were on their way down when we looked for them. Back up from the learner zone, we head down Raven then into two more gladed runs, Club 21 & Side Order, both with added creek hazards. The former has a precarious snow bridge over the water, the latter requires a jump over the open stream at the end. With just about every gladed run on both moutains conquered we head back up for our run home. We take Raven into the super fast women's Olympic downhill Ptarmigan, then the familiar run into the village.
Drop our skis into the silly lockers then up to the room for a coffee & chocolate stop. Our neighbours invite us in with the promise of apricot brandy & carrot cake. Chat about our respective days, update of the fall count & plans for tomorrow. After our stop, it's getting late to head to the spa so back to the room for a freshen & dress for dinner. After much debate, decide that a pizza in front of the TV would be most refreshing so decide not to head out after all. Well except that I have to head out to collect supplies for our evening in, pizza, ice cream & beer all from separate shops (surprising since by the sounds of it, Canadians would mix those three together & call it a national dish). Back in the room we settle with our delights while watching the Vancouver Bear Rimmers beat the LA Mass Debaters. Not much else to report from our quiet night in so we'll call it a day.
Fall table
Joanna - 8 (3)
Rob - 6 (2)
Jenny - 2 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
Tony - 1 (1)
(Finally Tony breaks his duck)
Smoke count - 1
Beer aggregate - 14 pints (Thomas only)
Meander through the night until 6:30, when I know I have to get up to make Jo's breakfast before she arrises from her slumber demanding feeding. Watch of the Vancouver news & read of The Times over breakfast, terrible story about a couple knocked off their tandem & killed in a police chase in the West Country. Suitably fed & caught up on the news we head to the Whistler gondola about 9am.
Up at the Roundhouse we try out the runs we're intending taking our pupils this afternoon. Jo heads down Ego Bowl while I'm trying out the blue that runs parallel, the Jolly Green Giant. It's been a while since I deliberately took a blue & it's a bit steeper than I remember, I'm sure Tony will be fine though. Now I get a bit side tracked from the simple blue & start running through the trees & end up in a mogul run. I'm pretty sure there's another route for Tony & me to take later. Meet JT at the lift & we're back up & head over to Harmony. Jo takes the super fast GS, while I take the mogully Chunky's Choice, certainly was chunky. Jo suggests we have a semi-piste adventure before heading over to Symphony. We take Little Whistler from the chair then pretty much make our own route. Make it over to Symphony & straight into the trees, as is the way on Symphony. Have a couple of other good runs, bit of moguls off the top, few dedicated gladed runs but mostly just picking our own route through the trees. There's some hairy moments with branches coming up through the snow & hanging low across your run, but mainly its just all good fun.
Around 12:30 head back to Midstation via Harmony & find the Malsters waiting for us at the Roundhouse at 12:55. Find a table much easier than our weekend experiences & the four of us get settled. The extended Malsters all have goulash, I go for the fish after backing out of the very long burger queue. Trade the warm of the Roundhouse for the thrill of the mountain as we take our respective protégés back onto the piste. Jo takes Jenny off to the green Ego Bowl while Tony & I head off to the blues. I wait until we're on top of the Jolly Green Giant before mentioning that this is a pretty seriously steep pitch. Tony takes it pretty much in his stride & although he could be more polished, manages comfortablly. We hear from the girls that they've gone straight down to the Olympic so we head up the Emerald Chair & plot our route back down to meet them. We take Whiskey Jack this time, a pretty steep green all the way to the top of the Olympic zone. Now these days I'd probably take about two turns down the whole run but it's a good work out for Tony & me, practicing the correct technique & remembering when a tricky green would ocupy most of my morning. Meet up with the ladies & time to say a fond farewell to the seniors as they head down to the village. Just enough time for JT & me to get in a couple of more runs. Start with Dave Murray into Bear Paw, the latter super quick & low visibility. Then run home down the blacks until we're into the village approach. I'm flying down Raven when I catch an edge, battle to bring the skis round but it's no good a totally gay fall on piste. Throw myself into Ptarmigan to make up & it's all good. Jo is analysing which run will be best for her parents when they make it down.
Back in the room for a quick change then out again for a quick whizz round the shops & get a coffee. Look in a few then head over to the Westin, another shock the O-Canda shop has closed! Manage to find a nice T Shirt in the Helly shop for me & a fine Salamon mid layer for Jo in the Whistler-Blackcomb shop. Back in the room for a quick freshen up before heading out to dinner, tonight's lucky venue is Sushi Village. We have a few Asahis & a fine selection of tempura, skewers, dumplings, chef's selection of sushi & amazing soft shell crab. Sushi conqued we head back back home to fall asleep in front of the TV.
Fall table
Joanna - 9 (1)
Rob - 7 (1)
Jenny - 2 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
Tony - 1 (0)
Smoke count - 1
Beer aggregate - 17 pints (Thomas only)
Good to see you're still with us Dr Dwomoh, wouldn't be a blog without you. Yeah our thoughts are with their family too.
Up at the usual 7am this morning, toy with the idea of fresh tracks but neither of us are feeling particularly energentic first thing & the web cams from the top are not looking too promising. We do however, feel the need for a change of breakfast scenery, even though we sent the Malsters for some more maple syrup last night. We decide on Blacks for breakfast as it's next door, which is just ok. I catch up on news from home with The Times & Jo reads her Everest book.
Back in the room & in a flash we're at the Blackcomb gondola. Have an amusing ride up with a couple of Aussie guys, one of them complaining that his gear smells, Jo tells him he should wash more regularly. He's a bit taken aback but his mate thinks it's hysterical. Head up to 7th Heaven via the icy mogul field on Sunburn. 7th Heaven is bathed in sunshine, it really is a beautiful day up top. We take the run of the day, Cloud 9 followed by Xhiggy's Meadows, Hugh's Heaven & some off piste fun before taking a rest stop in the Horstman's Hut. Get chatting with a guy from Perth about the old country.
We have one more run down in the sunshine of 7th Heaven then back for a run down the other side. Pretty much pick our own route, I take the challenging black of Dakine, then along Crystal Traverse until we get to another narly black Overbite. Now this run is in two sections & in previous years we've wimped out of the most difficult top section, not this year though & we both get down in some style. We arrive at the Jersey Cream lift & Jo's headache she's been battling with all day has finally got the better of her & she decides to head home at 1:45. Fair play to her though with all the tough runs we've done today. We ride up Jersey Cream together then a tearful goodbye, Jo promises to take it easy on the run & I promise to be careful. I watch Jo until she gets to the Rendezvous then search out anything that says experts only, danger, cliff, suicidal or not recomended for the sane. Start with the relatively easy double diamond Jersey Cream Bowl, then pick the off piste route under the lift (which is rather steeper than it looks from the lift). Up the Glacier Express & pick a route through the ridges & rocks until I find The Bite, a rather unplesant narrow icy run, then down to the lift. Back up & runs down Jersey Cream Bowl & Blowdown then into the Glacier Creek Lodge for a coffee & choc stop and to check up on Josephine & news from home.
Satisfied that Jo is safely back in the hotel, I plan the least safe route to continue my adventures. I decide that it's high time to try out the Blackcomb Glacier, a selection of double diamond bowls, the hardest on both mountains & approached by a vertical ice climb called Spanky's Ladder. I approach this with some trepedation, take my skis off on the narrow ledge with a vertical drop, then gingerly climb the "ladder". I know the experts do it all the time, but for a first timer like me it's not at all pleasant, they're decent foot holds but there in ice & with skis in one hand, poles in the other & near vertical, I'm not feeling confident. Eventually reach the top with legs of jelly & that's before I've even looked at how vertical the bowls are the other side. There's nothing else for it, I climb into my skis & peer over the ridge, it is vertical but no more vertical that I've done before (actually I'm not sure what more than vertical is). I push off from the ridge & I have to say that I made a bloody good job of it all (well there was no one else there to say it). No other option than to ski text book turns, anything short of perfection could end in certain death (ok, maybe I'm getting carried away now). I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself, then realise that there are cliff signs in pretty much every direction (now I know I said I was looking for cliffs but now it doesn't seem so funny). Fortunately a Yeti points me in the right direction & I pick my way through the cliffs. Finally safe & onto the Glacier Road, which is agonisingly long & flat. Back at the lifts, just enough time for a couple more death defying runs before planning my route home. The run down comprises of the super fast Catskinner, gladed So Sweet & the mogul black Gear Jammer, legs have given out now & I've still got to face the stupid bloody ski lockers.
There's still time to make a snowman, 3 snow angels, a batch of yellow snow, a snow cone, do something unspeakable in the snow & do the last run in without skis (all for Olly's benefit).
Back in the room & JT is feeling better :). She greets me with "what the hell have you been doing" as I strip off, bright red and dripping with sweat. I tell her I've been up Spanky's Ladder, good job she knows what that means. Shower is good, so is the relax in the jammies while watching Family Guy.
Invite the Malsters out to Earls tonight, yet another of our all time Whistler favourites. Settle in our booth & order 4 Albino Rhinos. Tony comments on how attractive & scantily clad the waitresses are, something I had not noticed in all our years in Whistler or remotely influenced my choice of restaurant. I recount my death defying feats while the seniors tell us about their tour of the two mountains, they even got to ride in the glass bottomed Peak to Peak (took us about 2 years to get one). Anyhoo, with the first beer sank we order our food. Tony has gone for the cattle fore quarters, while the girls have chosen the half cow & whole chicken combo, I have a lean chicken breast & vegatables. Not surprisingly the otters don't have room to sample the delights of Earls Sticky Toffee Pudding, but I do.
The bill done & all feeling rather pooped, I glance at my watch & anounce it's 8:15. This can't be construed as late even by our ski holiday standards. Doesn't stop us heading home & getting straight into the jammies (I can't vouch for the Malsters). I demand that Jo finds me some more Wheeler Dealers to watch in bed before falling asleep half way through.
Fall table
Joanna - 10 (1)
Rob - 8 (1)
Jenny - 2 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
Tony - 1 (0)
Smoke count - 0
Beer aggregate - 20 pints (Thomas only)
Alarm goes off at 7 o/c, shortly followed by Jo's foot in the small of my back kicking me out to make breakfast. Back to the usual routine of oatmeal & toast, accompanied by news from The Times & music from Vivaldi. Kick ourselves up from the sofa, jump into our togs & get out on the mountain. The web cams are not looking too inspiring & it's raining in the village but we are forever hopeful. Fingers McGraw works her magic on the silly ski locker, then we head up Blackcomb & a quick run down Ross' Gold which starts well but ends in the fog. Back up & shelter from the inclement weather in our favourite gladed runs of Raptors Ride & Yard Sale. Both good runs but straight back into the cloud along Expressway & into the lift. Decide to try our luck over the back side where Jo heads down Ridge Runner while I tackle the double diamond gladed Outer Limits. Both inevitably lead into thick cloud along Glacier Road. Head for the Glacier Creek lodge to shelter from the inevitable dampness of the cloud. Warm up with a coffee before trying our luck over on Whistler moutain via the Peak to Peak.
Similar story on Whistler, dense cloud & blowing a gale up top, fairly fair mid mountain & a pea souper down below. Have a decent run down Dave Murray then head for Goat's Gully to tick another run off our list. It's steep, narrow & lumpy, which is all fine but the zero visibility is a bit of a challenge. One more blind run down Bear Paw then we feel the need for more shelter & a pick me up so it's time for the Chic Pea. Soon we're much happier seated in the cosiness of the lodge with a steaming bowl of Moroccan Beef Stew in front of us. Suitably warmed inside & out and we decide to check on the learners on the Olympic. I've got high hopes of taking Tony back up the Emerald Chair for another crack at the Blues but the cloud is so thick, I don't fancy the run down let alone a relative Whistler novice. We find the twosome on the magic carpet & talk them into a run into the village. Jo partners Jenny while Tony & I forge ahead. I give Tony the choice of the green or blue down, he manfully chooses the harder route & we make good time even though the snow is thick & sludgy. Apart from a minor misshap in the wet stuff Tony makes a good fist of the run in & we have time to pop our skis into the silly locker & be back to greet the girls. Soon enough they apear at the top of the final pitch & everyone is reunited. The Malsters are very chuffed with their achievement & now they know the way I'm sure there will be no holding them back.
Jo & I head out for supplies & a Starbucks while the seniors head out for a celebratory beer. Back in the room we devour the last of the biscuits with our coffees & watch Family Guy while we have a good old veg out on the sofa. Through a feat of super-human determination we make it off the sofa & to the Upper Village. We've heard one of our favourites Milestones is back in Whister so we're making the trek. Enjoy some honey lagers, steak & pasta, even a desert sampler before braving the 10 minute walk back. We discus what animals our family members would be on the way. Back in the room, in the jammies, in the bed, with the TV on within 10 minutes. No sign of Edd & Mike so don't fancy our chances of staying awake for more than 5 minutes.
Fall table
Joanna - 10 (0)
Rob - 9 (1)
Tony - 4 (3)
Jenny - 3 (1)
Instructor 1 (0)
Smoke count - 1
Beer aggregate - 23 pints (Thomas only)
Sleep through to 6:45 so snuggle down for a final 15 minutes until the alarm goes off. Only it doesn't & as the time passes 7 o/c Jo becomes impatient & hoofs me out to make her breakfast. Have a juice & sit while we scope out the conditions today, as the weather was so bad yesterday we're considering taking the day off (& that would mean Westin breakfast!). Anyhoo, the forecast is possitive & we can start to see the sun (something we didn't see all day yesterday). So I get cracking with the breakfast & make good time to the gondola considering our rather sluggish start. Queue for Whistler is really light too & we're soon on our way up.
It's glorious mid mountain so we head over to Harmony which is bathed in sunshine. I set the tone for the morning by starting a little high so pick our way off piste through the trees, not sure if we ever found a run again but make it to the Harmony Chair. Jo suggests the near vertical bowl off the lift, Little Whistler for our next run, then just pick our route under the lift. We spend the rest of the morning moving along the ridge, taking the black bowls & pretty much any route we like back to the lift. Most is pretty regulation tough stuff with some hairy bits thrown in, like when I choose the side of a rock face because the bowl just isn't steep enough. We acomplish all this with a great deal of style & we're feeling rightfully proud. Then we're taken back down to earth when we ski up to the double diamond Harmony Horseshoes. The entrance is a 20 metre gap in the cliff with a 5 metre overhanging drop, the only way in is to jump over the lip & turn just before hitting the rock face & plumetting to your death. We decide not to take this on (not yet anyhoo). Ho hum, back to the single diamonds & the run down to the lift, where Jo manages a spectacular fall, hitting an icy mogul, losing both skis & bouncing down face first over the next two. She's winded but the tough little bugger climbs back into her skis & takes on the rest of the mogul field, treating the nearby piste with distain.
Back up Harmony, across Pikka's Traverse then down to the Chic Pea for lunch, our favourite Moroccan Beef Stew, with added cheese & sour cream today. Suitably satisfied we head out to try the green Pony Trail run down, to see if it's suitable for the Malsters (well that & we're so full of stew a lumpy black may see it strewn across the snow). Back up & take the beautifully race groomed Little Red Run then into the black of Jimmy's Joker (Jo called it gay from the lift). Jo checks out Bear Cub, the other green from the Chic Pea, while I take a quick detour down Dave Murray. It's getting late now & although the weather is still good, it's markedly colder & our legs are feeling this morning's exersions so plot our run down. We head for the lightning quicks, however we're too low for Raven & Ptarmigan is closed for racing. End up on the Olympics side so do a quick ski by to see if the learners were on the learner slope & could be coaxed down. No sign of them so complete the run into the village.
Quick change into our cossies, grab a couple of beers then down to the hot tub. It's heaving in both tubs but we squeeze into the small one. It is rather intimate & when a big fat hairy American climbs in it's all I can do to stop Jo combing his back hair with her toungue like a cat. I leave Jo to frolic in the tub while I head into the steam room to clear my head cold. When I get back Jo & the hairy American are wearing each others swimming costumes but I think nothing of it & climb back in. Pretty soon the lobsters are done & it's time to head upstairs for a shower & a flump in front of the TV before dinner time.
Tonight we're heading for the Bavarian Schnitzel House. It's a fair walk down to the other end of the village but well worth it as we tuck into enourmous plates of meat washed down with litres of Weissbier. We exchange stories of our respective days, including hearing that Jenny has been nicknamed Yoyo by the magic carpet lifties as she goes up & down so much. Tony has been on his own adventureskiing down to the village & exploring the surrounding runs. Completely stuffed we stumble back to the Pan Pacific & stumble into our respective rooms. Jo finds The Matrix Reloaded but we both know we'll fall asleep long before the end.
Fall table
Joanna - 11 (1)
Rob - 11 (2)
Tony - 4 (3)
Jenny - 3 (1)
Instructor 1 (0)
Smoke count - 0
Beer aggregate - 25 pints (Thomas only)
A very fair observation Mikey, other than the fall, smoke & beer count there has been a lack of mountain based statistics. As if we're psychically linked there is a new Dave Murray record in the metrics below.
Alarm goes off at 6:30 & just as Jo is raising her boot she realises that I'm not making breakfast today, the mountain is. Well actually the Roundhouse is as we're indulging in Fresh Tracks today, a combination of buffet breakfast & first go on the groomed runs before the weekend hoards arrive. We're a little behind the hard core but we're in the gondola at a respectale 7:30, bag some photos of the sunrise on the way & are soon tucking into our first course. Second course of French Toast & syrup polished off we head out to the fresh corduroy. Have a smooth, welk free first run down Whiskey Jack on our way to the Dave Murray. The legendary run is groomed top to bottom, but crossed by the race in the lower section (not sure where). I start from GMC gate, like the latest GB Olympic hero. I get my GPS watch running (for Mikey), switch on my GoPro & I'm off. It's fast down the first section as I get a decent amount of air on the top rollers before flattening out, then dropping down through the middle, round past mid station then drop into the gut-wrenchingly quick lower section. I'm just short of my all time speed record but fast enough to reinforce my respect for down hill racers. Jo appears (reasonably) soon after with a grin from ear to ear, finding making perfect turns on the lovely groomed slopes in the glorious early morning sunsine an absolute delight. What is not delightful (or anticipated) is the humungous queues for the Creekside gondola. Ho hum, it was worth it.
Head back up & over to Harmony for a run along the ridge, then down the face of Little Whistler, onto Pikka's Traverse & over to the Peak Chair. Jo tries in vain to get a picture of our duck sitting proudly in the disco. We pick our route from the chair, snubbing the diamond black of Whistler Bowl for the double diamond of Cockalorum. We were not expecting the cornice at the entrance to the bowl but it's not a double diamond for nothing. I stare for a while then jump in, execute a turn & wait for Jo's manouver. Jo's not liking it but jumps over nonetheless (her balls are so big she can hardly ski). We both ski the steeps well then out onto Franz & down to the chair. Just enough time to ski down to the village before the private lesson Jo has treated me to this afternoon.
Quick coffee in the Liftie Coffee Co then off to find Phillippe my instructor while Jo goes up to give the seniors some coaching. Phillippe is originally French but has lived in Whistler for the last 30 years, so knows his way around. I give him the run down on what I'm after from the lesson & we head up Blackcomb where the action is (as Phillippe puts it). We ski some of the bowls & off piste while Phillippe assess me, he points out some obvious flaws that have been with me since the begining (not bringing my hands forward, twisting my upper body too much) but he also gives me some tips to improve it. Mainly he focuses on the strategy of skiing steeps, keeping low, transfering weight, how much pressure you can get on the downhill ski & how quickly. We head up the Hortsman T-Bars then over to the rocky outcrop fenced off with "Expert Only" signs all around. Phillippe anounces this is False Face, the hardest run on the mountain & we're going down. It certainly is daunting, a vertical, narrow path through the rocks that makes yesterday's Harmony horseshoes look like the Learner Zone. Another ski instructor goes past with his group of teenagers, Phillippe says they can go first, the younger instructor just looks terrified & shakes his head. "Theees eees why wee must keep low", says Phillippe, "start low, stay low through the turn, if you stand up you're dead". I'm staring down this monster as Phillippe is talking, psyching myself up, thinking how I will make the first two turns & survive. Then Phillippe turns & says "we not go down there" & skis to the much more acceptable Secret Bowl. We ski impecably down this pitch (well Phillippe does but he's an instructor). We continue along with a mixture of exercises & practical application and pretty soon it's time to make our way down with me skiing like an instructor as we enter the home run. I bid Phillippe a fond farewell & check on what the Malsters have been up to.
Jo runs in about 10 minutes later then we're up for a quick change & off for a coffee & exchange stories of our teacher / pupil afternoons. Jo took Tony on a tour of the mountain, up to the Chic Pea, down Papoose, Pony Trail, Bear Cub & into Expressway. Then meet up with Jenny before Jo takes the lift up for the final run home, pretty uneventful as all the hard stuff was closed for racing. Back in the room with our coffees we curl up with a Discovery Chanel programme trekking Killimanjaro ready for our next adventure, then stay for Whale Sharks & Paul Merton in Ibiza before dragging ourselves into the shower & dress for dinner (that is if I can tear Jo away from The Lorax).
Saturday night curry at the Royal Taste of India as we break away from our Whistler regular The Tandori Grill. The new place just shades it but either way it's a long chilly walk from the end of the village. Back in the room to watch some War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise (that is he's in the film not in our hotel room). Chances of staying awake till the end, hmmm unlikely even if Tom was here with us.
Dave Murray record:
Time - 6'15"
4.66km
1,028 vertical descent
92.7 km/h top speed
Record - 5'19:64"
Fall table
Joanna - 13 (2)
Rob - 11 (0)
Tony - 5 (1)
Jenny - 3 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
Check out video of The Malsters on the My Movies tab
Smoke count - 0
Beer aggregate - 28 pints (Thomas only)
Ok, ok, Rachael I'll make a snowman, gosh this readership is hard to please. Jo, The Malsters & me send our love back.
Yes mum & dad we are looking after Edna & Paul, we've taken them out & watched them ski. Glad you're having a good time too.
Surprise surprise, we actually made it through to the end of War of the Worlds, especially amazing since there are adverts every 5 minutes. I think the late night of 10:30 helped us sleep through till the alarm, a quick snuggle then breakfast. Try NME radio this morning, quite a good mix but the free internet doesn't keep a good connection & it skips through Radiohead's No Surprises. Drag ourselves out & bump into the seniors on the way down. Drop pops off at the ski school & share a gondola with Yoyo as far as mid station where we say our fond farewell. Out at the roundhouse & plan a little excursion to get some top hat footage. After taking the wedding hat to Everest Base Camp we've decided to have a photo of me wearing it in exotic locations. Even though we lost the original in the case after the pyramid photo we managed to get an exact replica. Anyhoo, get some good footage of me skiing down Whiskey Jack wearing it, even got a "nice top hat sir" from the ski school girl. (check out the excentricities on the My Movies tab) We're planning on a photo shoot at the peak but it looks ever so grim up there. I teach Jo my new skiing by numbers technique which she likes & tries out down the Dave Murray. Next we decide to head over to Harmony, after a good run down on the piste we get the lift up top, which is quite grim but clears on the way down & we can see a ray of sunlight over Symphony so head for there. Nice run down Jeff's Ode to Joy then back up the Symphony chair. The wind picks up & it's not exactly snowing, more like being whipped with ice crystals. The visibility is one chair at the top & it's a complete white out when we jump off the lift. Decide this isn't for us so pick our way down & eventually find the Burnt Stew Trail back to the Roundhouse. Have a couple of good runs down Dave Murray with our new stylish style before stopping at the Chic Pea for some Moroccan beef stew & a break from the icy winds & snow.
Decide over lunch that with more & more of the mountain giving way to the thick cloud, gale force winds & icy snowfall, we're going to give the peak one more crack then head down. Have yet another run down Dave then back up the Holmes Express. The view of the peak is grimmer than grim so settle for a top hat shot in front of the Olympic rings. It's 2:30 by now so not a completely unrespectable time to be heading down, especially in these grim conditions. Take a high line from the Roundhouse which calls for some off piste moguls to get down to Pony Trail then it's the ever reliable Dave Murray, into the icy Bear Paw & down to the village. Have a cup of coffee back in the room & write postcards home before heading out for a spot of present shopping. Schlep down to the other end of the village to the North Face store, didn't really see anything but admired the Everest summit suits like we do every year. Similarly window shop through the rest of the stores, eventually get a buff for Jo (not really a present & it was in the Saloman shop downstairs). Shower & freshen up back in the room then settle down with Dodgeball until Jo kicks me out to get our table for dinner.
Rock up to Sushi Village to put our name down, then plan to shop while we wait & the Malsters arrive. However, the double witching of Fire & Ice and Souper Bowl has left the raw fish emporium rather empty & we're shown straight to our table. Quick call to the family, order a barrel of Asahi & study the menu. The sushi virgins arrive & we order a selection of cooked delicacies & nigiri sushi. This all goes down very well as we hear of Tony's lesson, he's been on the blacks of Raven & Dave Murray and into the moguls too. I comment that Jo would have killed me if I'd taken him onto a black, she completely agrees. Order a second round of blackened cod & maki sushi as the Malsters are lapping up the Japanese delights. Continue with tales of ski holidays new & old before it's time for us to head home. I command Jo to find Dodgeball, Wheeler Dealers or a Tom Cruise film, or better still Mike Brewer buying a car from a disfunctional garage run by Vince Vaughn & selling it to a car dealer with an autistic brother played by Tom Cruise. Jo fails so we fall asleep watching rubbish.
Fall table
Joanna - 13 (0)
Rob - 11 (0)
Tony - 5 (1)
Jenny - 3 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
A fall free day (unless Jeff fell over)
Smoke count - 0
Days without a smoke - 3 (Holmes, better book the table at the Tale)
Beer aggregate - 32 pints (Thomas only)
Yes Jem aren't the seniors looking good. Got some bad news for you though, nan & pops aren't coming home, they've decided to bum around the ski resort for a few months. Dad's going to be a liftie & mum's working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.
In a remarkable turn of regularity we're up at 7 o/c & have breakfast on the sofa with music on the iPad & resort TV on mute. Head out to the Blackcomb gondola in the drizzle, no queue as usual so we're soon in & on our way up. Snowing as we change to the Excelerator Express but it's a light pleasant snow. Make our way up to the glacier but visibility is really poor so pick our way down & along to the Crystal Hut. Not fancying any of the blacks without a warm up we run down White Light, which is actually pretty tough for a blue. Back at the chairs we opt for the Jersey Cream & take the bowl into Blowdown. Jo's feeling a little un-warmed up so sends me up to do the same again. Have another crack at the glacier before lunch, visibility is a little better so we head up the T-bars. Ski along the ridge, stop to have a look at Couloir Extreme, leave in horror, drop into the top of Secret Bowl then pick our way down in the fog to what I think was Secret Chute. Jo sends me down first to see if it's a cliff, then follows when I tell her it's safe (ish). I take a run down Dakine while Jo takes the piste, then we meet up at the top of the steep black The Bite. Jo says she doesn't fancy it, I point out it's a very long road round to the Crystal Hut & then another long road back round to the Glacier Lodge. Jo huffs, stomps off into The Bite & skis off (actually some of the best fast skiing I've seen her do). I'm a bit wary of overtaking her so hold off until we get to the Lodge. Once inside, warmed up & fed Jo returns to normal as we "check in" & check out Rachael's photos of her ski trip to Scotland.
After lunch head over to mid-mountain & run down Springboard, which is great at the top but thick, thick fog at the bottom. Decide to return to the Jersey Cream side via some off piste runs, then stumble on the slalom race centre which is open to any of the public willing to give it a try. I've already skied passed it so head down & up again to give it a try. We line up side by side, Jo in the red gate, me in the blue gate & we're off. I take an early lead which I hold till the bottom, the gates are not as close as they look but it's quite difficult with the runs quite rutted at the end of the day. I hold off Joanna winning by 4 seconds. It's a lot of fun so head straight back up for another go, alas it's closing as we get back. The chap says it's much better first thing so we vow to return tomorrow morning with rainbow race suits. It's getting late by now so we head back up for a run down the glacier. Pick our own route from the top of the chair then I take Dakine once more, while Jo heads over to the piste to film me. Everything was going so well, I'm flying down, bouncing off the moguls, shredding pow, then disaster I over cook one of the turns & crash out right in front of Jo. Nothing else for it but to take the last glacier lift up & try again. Don't think I'm flying down quite as fast but stay on my skis this time. Haven't decided which one to post yet but one will be on the My Movies tab. Take the last Jersey Cream lift of the day over to mid mountain then plan our route down, Catskinner into Slingshot & Lower Gear Jammer home.
Back in the room for a stretch & change of clothes before heading back out to the shops. Pick up a few presents, bump into the seniors staggering out of Rick's Bar & Grill, then down to Starbucks for our mochas. Retun home & Jo pops next door to deliver some PG tips & check on their day. No falls for Tony but apparently Jenny had a spectacular wipe out in the learner zone as a less competent learner ploughed into her. Shame after such an impecible first visit to the mountain. Jo returns & we watch the footage of today's adventures.
Head out this evening to the Urban Grill which looks cool & trendy on the resort TV advert. Unfortunately in real life it's, bright, empty & rather sad, so we give it a swerve. Instead head back to Brandy's where we enjoy several honey lagers & a couple of burger while watching the Vancouver Bear Rimmers play the Edmunton Doggers. It was 2-2 in overtime when we left. Back in the hotel we endeavour to stay awake until the start of Wheeler Dealers.
Fall table
Joanna - 13 (0)
Rob - 13 (2)
Tony - 5 (0)
Jenny - 4 (1)
Instructor 1 (0)
All to play for between the Thomas' on the last day
Slalom Timing (especially for Mikey)
Rob 31:21 seconds
Jo 35:14 seconds
Smoke count - 0
Days without a smoke - 4
Beer aggregate - 35 pints (Thomas only)
Right Olly you're on, you're coming skiing with us next time. You can bring nan & pops too, they can start you on the greens, then auntie JoJo & me can take you down the double diamonds. Just don't bring those welks mum & dad.
Sorry to let you down Mikey, couple of factors, a) we've focused on the off piste this year so not as many runs or high speeds, b) I just don't stand still long enough for the GPS watch to pick up the satelites. We do have some more slalom competition times though.
Ok, you know the drill by now, get up, breakfast blah blah blah. Get out in good time & head up the Blackcomb gondola. Have a warm up run down Jersey Ceam Bowl with pow up to the waist, then a lumpy run down Jersey Cream to the lift. Back up & head over to the slalom race centre via a little off piste run named Tree Fall according to the experts guide I picked up in town. Actually we have four runs down the slalom course, shaving time off each run, Jo narrows the gap & holds the women's record for the course today. I win our personal battle by just over a second though. We're on a two stop strategy today so head for the Glacier Creek Lodge, as it's only a quick stop we head for the downstairs express zone. As we enter we're asked if we're here for pride week, I guess it must be the rainbow race suit I've been wearing for the slalom race. The girl points out the pride week event signs (I guess this was her way of politely pointing out straights are not welcome). Jo goes for the coffees while I chat up the Polish girl on the waffle counter (not that I've got anything to prove as I was thrown out of the gay event).
Suitably refreshed we head over to Raptors ride for a fun powder run through the trees. Ride the lift up & over to 7th Heaven. It's blowing an absolute gale at the top & visibility is so low you can't even see your goggles. Jo runs down on piste, I take the direct route out of the storm as most of the rocks have a nice covering of snow (not enough to be soft, just enough to stop you seeing them). We take three runs down the off piste fun making the most of the fresh pow. I'm having a whale of a time, which I think is giving Jo the hump as she's struggling with the heavy fresh snow. I fly down a pow-tastic run, fly across the fresh snow, turn in the deep stuff & fall flat on my face. Jo skis over & I'm pretty sure she's thinking "serves you right you show off git". Jo sends me up for the forth run on my own. I go even more off piste this time & my thighs are starting to burn, but then as I'm cruising along along Expressway I spy some more off piste through the trees. Not the best move as it's really tough & no way out, I do manage to take a breather before flying down the chute & into the lift queue where's Jo's waiting for me. Try to disguise my wheezing on the lift back up when Jo mercifully suggests our second stop at the Horstman's Hut. Jo devours an apple poof (must be a winter pride special) & we have a delightful warm up.
Head back out into the storm for one final run, it's bloody tough but this is our last afternoon so we've gotta make the most of it. Shoot down Sunset Boulevard & up the Solar Coaster for the run home. Fly down Catskinner, over shoot Slingshot & end up on the powder mogul field of Black Magic. Jo skis round on the green but I just have to ski it (even if I don't ski it very well). We meet up & head down the blue Main Line & into the slushy run into the village. Kick our skis off for the last time (for this holiday) & deposit them in the silly ski locker for the last time (ever). Quick change in the room then head out for the last of the present shopping & a couple of mochas.
Dress for dinner, we're heading out to Earls tonight, breaking The Keg tradition. Albino Rhinos all round, Jo has her usual cow & chicken combo, the rest of us are rather more reserved. Chat about the wonderful times we've had together & individually. There is obviously no doubt that Jo & I will be back next year, but also a distinct possibility the Malsters will return. Tony & I find room for sticky toffee pudding, Tony has also found a place in the waitress's heart as she flirts outrageously with him throughout dinner. However, the tab is all he picks up & we're soon skipping back to the Pan Pacific. Finish the last of the packing before turning in for our last night in Whistler.
Fall table
Rob - 16 (3)
Joanna - 14 (1)
Tony - 5 (0)
Jenny - 4 (0)
Instructor 1 (0)
So, much tighter then previous years but Rob takes the fall trophy for the 6th year running. Although if you take out the falls on the runs Jo didn't take then she would have taken the title. Maybe I should take Dr D's advice then we can have a falls per sq km trophy...maybe.
Slalom Timing
Rob 24:05 seconds
Jo 25:90 seconds
(Jo shaves a full 10 seconds off yesterday's time)
Smoke count - 0
Days without a smoke - 5
Beer aggregate - 39 pints (Thomas only)
Up at 7am, breakfast of oatmeal, cinamon toast watch of resort TV...or that's what you were expecting me to say...Actually we get dressed & head over to the Westin for a final resort blow out. It's mainly as we remember it, get seated & both sign up for the works. Start reserved with a spot of cereal, move onto the eggs, salmon, bacon & sausage course. While up at the hot buffet we spot the most amazing blueberry pancakes the chef has just made, we tell her they look amazing, she says they are amazing & should be as this is the most expensive breakfast in Whistler. We order some and they are more amazing than you could possibly imagine. We don't even have room for the pastry course. Back to the hotel for the last of the packing & an hour to rest before the drive to Vancouver. We find a programme called Polar Storm, so put it on expecting some documentary about a team of Antarctic explorers battling a polar storm, it turns out to be an abortion of a made for TV film about magnetic storms. The (obviously) American hero decides to save the earth by detonating a 100 mega ton bomb in the Southern Hermisphere, presumably as there's nothing down there. Anyhoo Brooke's dad arrives & saves us from the undoubtably hideously twee ending.
We're all loaded up in the SUV & heading along the Sea to Sky highway for our overnight stop in Vancouver. Brooke's dad is a facinating chap, we hear all about his travels to Mt Killimanjaro, China, South America & many others. He also educates us on just about everything worth knowing about the surounding area. We arrive at L'Hermitage after about 1:30, a charming boutique hotel with a delightfully camp French manager who sees to our every whim. We relax with a coffee & Jenny's buttered cinamon bread she's brought up from Whistler. It's raining, as it seems to a lot in Vancouver, so we decide to head to the Vancouver Art Gallery. We look around the rather interesting water colours of British Columbia by Emily Carr & Charles John Collins then move on to the stunning first nation style carving, being completed in situ in the museum. Moving on to the Ian Wallace retrospective, demostrating his method of juxtaposition between photography & monochrome painting. It is, however easy to mistake it for a rather self indulgent attempt at high brow nonsence. Anyhoo, a productive use of a couple of hours out of the rain, Jenny even finds some stuff in the sale in the gift shop.
Back in the hotel & settle into our respective resplendent rooms. Here we spend a most enjoyable couple of hours relaxing before dinner. As it is still piddling down we decide the elegent L'Hermitage restaurant is for us this evening. They serve me a fine Hendricks & tonic (although I have to ask for the cucumber, do they think I'm an animal?), then we select the chef's sampling menu, being adventurous types & we are rewarded with 5 delicious courses. Suitably satisfied & caught up on tales of our recent adventures we retire to up stairs, which in our case at least, involves watching our all time Canadian favourite Robot Chicken.
Smoke count - 0
Days without a smoke - 6
Beer aggregate - 40 pints (Thomas only)
Once again up at 7am, once again a different routine. This morning we head for breakfast in the quaint & charming lounge of the charming & quaint L ‘Hermitage hotel. We avail ourselves of the buffet, including the wonderfully delicious smoked salmon. I update everyone with news from The Times & find the sea foam video clip for the Malsters. Jo has decided that we're all heading out to Gas Town this morning, an older part of Vancouver known for its architecture. We get wrapped up for the chilly, but by no means freezing, weather. It's only 5 blocks or so form our hotel so we're there in no time. We spot a fine looking tourist shop with moose & bear dressed as Mounties at the door, we have our photo taken with said moose & bear, then head straight in like the tourists we undoubtedly are. It is actually a very nice tourist tat shop & we're persuaded to get more presents. Unfortunately not the full Vancouver Bear Rimmers outfit, complete with stick, skates & helmet I've picked out for James Malster or the life sized cuddly moose I suggest for Olly. Anyhoo continue our amble though the charming streets now realising that virtually every store is selling tourist tat, although generally lower grade tat (ie cheaper) than we bought. Jo leads us next into an intriguing first nation carving shop where the obsessive owner confiscates our rucksacks. This is an amazing shop in stark contrast to the tat around us, it is full of genuine hand carved wooden statues, masks, totem poles & similar works of aboriginal art. Many are huge, reaching the top of the 2 story shop floor. Not only are they magnificent, they are extortionately expensive so we leave with a children's book & toy, oh & our rucksacks reclaimed. From here we make our way down to the water front for the wonderful views of the bay with all the activity, giant bay gulls & the picturesque mountains on the other side. Walk back through the ocean liner-esque Pan Pacific hotel where Jenny & Tony stayed before their cruise in the summer.
It gets to 11:30 so time to herd the otters back to L ‘Hermitage for our 12 o/c check out. Our timing is spot on, wrap up the last of the loose ends, stow our luggage & head out to the Vancouver Aquarium. It's a short cab ride to the fish museum in Stanley Park. First up it's an exploration of the waters in the surrounding bays & islets, had no idea there was such rich marine life in the cold pacific waters. Watch the Pacific White Sided dolphin show, ah at the otters, explore the tropical seas, back out for the Beluga whale show before finishing off with Amazon life in & out of the water. Head outside to call a cab & the park is bathed in glorious sunshine.
Jo & I have a quick pitstop to refresh my nicorette patches & Starbucks coffee / treat (there are two Starbucks on every block, must be something to do with being a couple of hours away from Seattle). Find the seniors in the lounge where we sit, sip & play before getting changed ready for the pick up. Brooke's dad arrives promptly as always & more interesting chats in the half hour transfer, he even brings his album from his Killi trek. Quick check in, security fast track, sweep of the duty free then we're all off to the lounge as it should be. We avail ourselves of the amenities before the whole lounge leaves for the flight to Heathrow.
We all set off, then are sent down our respective trunks. Once on board the saucy Geordie flight attendant provides us with champagne & sauce. I'm doing so well Jo gives me her blessing to nail her during the flight. We're shortly up, up & away & following further flirting my champagne has been replaced with Gin. My Northern beauty appears shortly after with another bottle of Tanqueray, especially for me (this is going to be easier than I thought). Joanna & I settle into the new Total Recall film with Colin Farell replacing Arnie and Kate Bekinsale looking hotter than Sharon Stone in the original (& Ms Stone was smoking in the original). It tries hard with a strong Blade Runner influence but it's a bit of a let down to be honest. The basic premise is the same but they have reworked a lot of the details, some are clever but most inconsequential as you already know what's going to happen. Film & the excellent dinner finished we both flatten our beds & settle down for some shut eye. The next thing I know it's 50 mins to landing & breakfast is coming round, I may have missed my shot. The Tyneside temptress appears at my side, she says nods in Jo's direction "do ya think she'll want any", "no", I say "just me please", realising that it may not too late while Jo continues to slumber. It is very satisfying indeed, I even get an extra croissant!
Bumpy landing at Heathrow, so bumpy the crew apologies. Then we're told there will be stairs leading down to the bus to take us to the terminal. Jo & l speculate what 3rd world country we've arrived in but thankfully sense prevails & we're supplied with an elephant's trunk. All pretty smooth & quick from there on in, border checks, luggage in hand & off to find Tony's coach at the valet parking. A pretty smooth run home, other than an accident around at the half way point & Tony delivers us home safely. There is a tearful goodbye as we allow the Malsters to get off & complete their journey.
Another wonderful trip, skied more terrain & more challenging terrain than ever before. Skiing still improving but with trips to Harmony Horseshoes & False Face see how much further there is to go. Great to see the Malsters seizing the moment, both progressing & really enjoying their skiing. We really enjoyed having them with us & being able to share the wonder of Whistler. I wouldn’t rule out seeing them in a ski blog in the near future!
Mikey Dwomoh Overall Statistics (2012 in brackets)
Max speed – 92.7 km/h (103 km/h)
Max metres descended – 1,028 (6,625)
Dave Murray record – 6’15”00 (5'19"64)
Slalom
Rob - 24:05” (N/A)
Jo - 25:90” (N/A)
Fall Table
Rob - 16 (18)
Joanna - 14 (12)
Tony - 5 (DNQ)
Jenny - 4 (DNQ)
Booze & Fags
Smokes – 10 (38)
Beers – 40 (27)
G&Ts - 9 (6)
Champagne - 10 (6)
Work this morning before heading out at lunchtime but first things first we're off to the local cafe for a cooked breakfast, especially welcome after the three day fast. Anyhoo work blah for a few hours then guitar practice (Nirvana's In Bloom) until its time to go.
Set off at 1 o/c for our mountaineering adventures in the wilds of North Wales. It's pouring with rain (well it is bank holiday weekend), the Sat Nav says we'll be there at 5:30 but I've got a bad feeling about this. Sure enough 20 miles into our 270 mile journey, the traffic grinds to a hault & doesn't really get going for the remaining 250 miles. Not an awful lot of highlights either other than the Ms Sat Nav constantly recalculating the journey & our excited faces as we glance expectedly at the display in the hope that for once the time has gone down, it never does. Interesting little diversion off the M1 passed the exotic dancing club just outside Luton, other than that crawling in queues on M roads & queuing for roundabouts on A roads. The one saviour is the I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue CD that Mr Malster lent us. Did you know a Cursory was a place where children learn to swear or Sanctity was a five breasted Frenchman or Jocular was the name for a Scottish vampire.
Anyhoo, just about make it to Plas y Brenin with our sanity in tact, quick check in to our twin room (Jo breathes a sigh of relief), then off to the local bistro for a spot of local grub. Excellent Welsh beef is served in slab & minced form, much to our delight, washed down with a couple of pints of the local ale. Can you believe they have brioche bread & butter pudding & sticky toffee pudding for desert, I'm genuinely torn but JT goes toffee & I know I'll never forgive myself if I don't join her. I'm amazed at this little gem of an eatery, I thought this expidition would involve eking out meals from tuna sandwiches, mo mo & Sherpa stew, what with Wales & Nepal being similarly developed. I suggest that Capel Curig is the Namche Bazaar of Wales, but Jo points out Namche has a helipad so we agree it is far more developed. Perhaps we'll call it the Manchermo of Wales.
Set off for the short trip back to the centre for quick unpack, wash up & into our bunks for nighty night times.
Alarm goes off at 7 o/c & JT saunters over from the other side of the room for an early morning cuddle. No time for lolly gagging around this morning, get up, washed & dressed in time to pop outside to check out the views for the first time. The torrential rain of yesterday has given way to brilliant sunshine, still waters & stunning early morning views. I leave Jo chatting to a fellow scout leader & scramble over the rocks for some glorious lake snaps. I squelch back to meet Jo & off to breakfast. I have shreded wheat for the first time in a decade, followed by a passable cooked but get blank looks when I ask where the pastries are warming.
Breakfast conquered we head round to the lecture room for a short safety briefing & introduction to our guide for the next two days. We've been allocated Matt, who takes us off into the sunshine to get aquatinted. We have quick chat with Matt, he give us some tips on books for climbing the Alps, The 4,000 Peaks of the Alps, The Mont Blanc Masif & Alpine Mountaineering by Bruce Goodlad. The pleasantries over we head out onto the lawn for some rope work. Matt hands me a rope & tells me to tie a knot. I ask if a bow will do, Matt laughs, then it dawns on him this welk has absolutely no idea how to tie knots. So I learn to tie a figure of 8, over hand knot, clove hitch (at least my shoelaces will never come undone again). Anyhoo, we spend the first part tieing knots, fastening our harness & feeding through rope. You might think it would be tedious but actually it was kinda interesting & of course essential if you don't want to fall to your death in the Alps.
Next follows some crevasse rescue on the crevasse strewn lawn. There is a heck of lot to learn, but the lawn is a dangerous place, glaciers even more so, so it may well be this saves our life one day. First Jo needs rescuing so I set the anchor, tie on my French Prussic, then my Clemheim which I slide down to my damsel in distress. I come up with a handy guide to remembering, the Prussic, being French can retreat along the rope, the Clemheim being German only advances. Anyhoo, I hook up this complex pulley system & Jo is safely back on solid ground. Jo returns the favour by saving my life a couple more times before lunch.
Lunch is of the packed variety we snaffled at breakfast this morning. It's such a warm & gloriously sunny day we sit on the veranda & chat about outdoor things while munching our sandwiches.
After a quick pitstop we're out to put our training to the test on the local mountains. It's a quick drive, quick trot & we're at the base looking up the near vertical rock face we're about to ascend. I say near vertical as its clearly not vertical so not too daunting, that is until we start our climb. It's pretty tricky, lots to remember as we each have jobs, belaying, retrieving anchor points from the rock face while pushing on up the increasingly serious climb. Funny how much more important a foothold is at 100m up as oppose to ground level. Quick rest at the halfway point before belaying Matt on the second pitch. We dutifully follow soon after & other than Jo's grunts reminiscent of our ice climb we make a pretty good fist of it. We carry on scrambling, climbing & a bit of rope work before summiting the peak. Views are spectacular as the day remains glorious. We make our way back down the path (I suppose we could have gone up the path & not bothered with all the climbing malarkey).
Back to the centre & time to have a go on the climbing wall, via the stores for a pair of rock shoes for me (Jo has brought her own!). Jo's first on the wall, a vertical climb with a selection of hand & foot holds, colour coded according to difficulty. Jo makes to the top before repelling down & then it's my turn & I make a pretty good fist of it for my first time. We have another couple of ascents each, I have another go only using the purple holds, Jo can use the purple, black & blue holds as these match her knees at the end of the day on the rock. I have a final go of silly bugger free climbing in the advanced section of the wall before dropping on the mats with a thump.
Back in the room for a quick shower as Jo smells faintly of sheep & we don't want her exciting the locals. Dinner is all good & another sticky toffee pudding for afters, along with Dame Nelly Pavlova for Jo. Then follows Matt's lecture on Alpinism, covering his various assaults in France & his latest expedition to Patigonia. Matt's lecture & Q&A session over, we buy him a beer, force him to go through our honeymoon photos (the Everest ones, not the specialist newly wed ones). Quick catch up on the Germanic champions league final before night cap & ready for bed.
Alarm wakes us at 7 again but this time I shun John Terry for Joanna's affections (thanks for the tip Howler). Feeling a little stiff this morning, and not just because my my room mate is more attractive than a Chelsea centre back but we stretch & that seems to get us going. Quick wash up then down to breakfast for some more Shreded Wheat & cooked but again I struggle to find the brioche & almond croissants. Soon it's time to hop along to Stores to pick up more sturdy footwear for our climb today. We're handed Scarpa Mantras, just like the ones we treked to Everest in & are frustratingly languishing in our loft. Meet Matt & off for our adventure.
Short drive to the already fairly busy parking area, then head off into the wilds. Its another absolutely glorious day, clear skies, brilliant sunshine & warm temperatures. I'm sure this is all pretty grim when the weather turns so we're going to make the most of this rarified heat wave. Trott along the path, by the side of the lake, then climb up to higher ground. The scenery really is stunning in every direction, dramatic & wild but green & pleasant at the same time. We're followed up the steep path by a couple of tourists thinking we could be good unofficial guides, that is until they see us climbing into our harness & tieing up to our ropes & they head back down. We're off for a scramble first up, not too tricky but tricky enough to be glad you're attached to someone. After about 45 mins we reach the top & it opens out into a big grassy field, or rather a crevasse infested glacier as we practice for the Alpine, skipping across streams as we go. Next we come to a quite formidable rock face, giant slabs of granite jutting up from the hillside, so up we go. To be fair it's mostly a scramble, albeit a steep, high scramble. The climb ebbs & flows in difficulty & precariousness until we make it to the next grassy area where we enjoy a nice little walk before the final climb. This is a craggy escarpment with shards of sharp rock along a narrow ridge. We make a quite passable attempt at it & although none of us fell to our death, it was pretty hairy at times. Loose shingle, disappearing footholds & exposed ridges to climb prove quite a challenge to novices as ourselves. Matt on the other hand makes everything look ridiculasly easy as his telescopic legs bound over sections that we're about to tremble over. However, we all make it to the peak in one piece, well three pieces actually
As we settle down to our packed lunch Matt breaks the news to us that this isn't actually the summit of this mini mountain, it's an hours trek along the ridge. Thing is we can trek to the summit but we'll have to head straight down, whereas if we head down now we can do some more crevasse rescue & abseiling, we opt for the latter. About half way down Matt sets us up with our pretend Alpine rescue, this time we're tucked down the bank to add to the realism. Fortunately Matt leaves it at that rather than breaking limbs & administering frostbite. We take it in turns to rescue each other, I'm down the back so long I begin to think that Jo & Matt have eloped but we both make it out alive, eventually. Next up its time for a spot of abseiling where Jo "I've done everything" Malster jumps at the chance to be first up & off our little 50m cliff. Both safely down it's time for a spot of afternoon tea & final chance to chat to our affable guide. Matt asks if there's anything we haven't covered, I suggest a spot of hang gliding wouldn't go amiss as I gaze towards the not inconsiderable trek back to the car. Alas no so we hike down the last couple of kms, which actually goes in no time as we chat along the way.
Short drive back to base, stuff dropped back at stores & bid a fond farewell to Matt over a cuppa. A fine guide, confident, knowledgable, supportive but always pushing us on. We exchange details & I'm sure we'll book more trips with our charming guide from Norwich. Just time for a mini freshen up in our room, pack of our final bits then check out with the ever cheerful staff. Head out onto the winding roads back toward England. Rather slow for most of the single lane journey but picks up as the roads widen nearer the smoke of Shrewsbury. We arrive at the Mytton & Mermaid in about an hour & a half and soon we're checked in to this quirky, quaint little riverside abode. Our modest suite seems luxurious after the dorm at Plasy & we enjoy a delightful shower & relax before dinner.
Dinner is pleasant, not a great menu but tasty & they serve Hendricks. Enjoy ginger pudding as a change to the sticky toffee variety as we retire to the drawing room for coffee & a read. I write up the blog & am somewhat surprised to see Jo reading Vanity Fair but since she long since lapsed into a coma what she has in front of her is rather inconsequential. Finally upload the blog & can allow JT the luxury of heading upstairs to bed, it has been another awfully long day.
Yes exactly Mikey but not exactly imminent. Our next trip to Kilimanjaro is little more than a trek (albeit a 6,000 m trek) but our goal to reach the world's highest peaks will take some technical skills. Plus if we can climb the odd Alp in the meantime so much the better.
Up at 7 o/c, feeling rather tired & more than a little stiff. Had to get up in the middle of the night to open a window it was so warm. The week leading up to this weekend was so cold, wet & bleak, all we thought to pack was warm waterproof clothing & what we really needed was to slip, slop, slap (as we used to say in WA). Anyhoo, stretching relieves the stiffness somewhat but we really know we've been up a mountain.
Breakfast at the Mytton & Mermaid is a quiet & relaxed affair in their quaint country style dining room. Kippers are on the menu, then soon they're on our table. They're not Loch Fyne kippers but they're good kippers (which is just as well as we'll be kipper burping the rest of the day no doubt). Waddle back to the room to plan our next move. Plans to take in a mini adventure at nearby historic park called The Follies are put on hold due to the threat of another horrendous journey, chores to do when we get in & frankly we're feeling knackered.
So not much else to add, traffic was fine on the way home & we're in pretty much on time with the Sat Nav prediction (unlike the extra 3 1/2 hours on the way up). Got in, washed the sheep out of Jo's clothes, hung another Everest photo in the office & pretty much got on with chores as expected.
Anyhoo, Plas Y Brenin is a wonderful place, great facilities, great gear, really friendly staff & excellent guides. Loads to do from mountaineering courses, kayaking, climbing waterfalls, all sorts. Some will say the UK doesn't warrant a mountaineering centre but you can use the same skills 500m up as 2,000m up in the Alps. It is a long way from London though & they don't speak English.
The girls & their respective Scotts popped round last night for a last supper send off of pizza & ice cream. Gave them the run down of the workings of the house, but really they know it as well us, Kayla certainly knows the kitchen better than me! A delightful evening was had by all. Last few jobs & last minute packing done, it's time to hit the hay.
Up at 5am, breakfast & final, final last minute jobs then we're on the road just before 7. M25 is painfull just about the whole way round & we don't pull into the valet parking bay until 8:45. Get checked in, through security & settled in the lounge, via the obligitory horse-lamp picture (which Kayla rightfully spotted in the BA advert) . A fine array of bacon rolls & a mountain of pastries await us. AA "flagship" lounge at Kenedy take note! Catch up on well wishes from work & home (thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement and Danny for your concern, you've always been like the big brother I never had!). Soon we're off to B gates & soon on the plane. Finally call my long suffering parents, who insist we take things easy, I promise to do my best while the cabin attendant hands me another glass of champagne. Pretty soon we're up, up & away, served with a G&T & Kir Royale for the lady (the sun is over the yard arm somewhere in the world). Get chatting with my neighbour, he's an interesting chap, as well as a fellow gin afficienado, he's a financial advisor on a 6 week tour of east Africa. We chat as we vie for the attention of the pretty young attendant & her endless supply of Tanqueray, we even double team her at one point. He gives us some tips on Zanzibar & his opinion on making our unconnected flight to Kilimanjaro from Nairobi.
Settle with a film, Welcome to the Punch (as recomended by Rachael) while lunch is served. We have an excellent smoked salmon starter, lamb stew & lemon tart afters. Film is good, gritty, well script & acted, Jo seems most excited with it being shot in the Wharf. We both struggle to stay awake & have to rewind sections as the copious amounts of alcohol kick in. After dinner I have a little doze while Jo watches Lady & the Tramp (guess it reminds her of us). Time for a second film, Olympus Has Fallen, good fun, all action, the "God bless America" count is almost as high as the body count. I round things off with a Wheeler Dealers as Jo strains to see her Disney film all the way to the end.
Land 20 mins early in Nairobi, which is handy as we're tight on connection. My new friend remarks that this, coupled with the relaxed approach since the fire wiped out arrivals all bodes well for us. He reckons they'll probably just hand us the case out the back of the plane. Find the BA transfer chap who whisks us off to check in while remarking our cases don't have a hope of making the flight as they're going to the opposite side of the airport. Quick job through security where Jo has to reach back into the scanner for our phones that never come out, no one bats an eye. Safely checked in at the gate we continue to probe everyone we can find about the process for getting our case back. Soon on board & other than an elderly American woman complaining about an unattended case we're soon on board & settle for our 40 min flight to Kilimanjaro airport.
Visa bought, passport stamped, fingerprints checked (12 times), lost luggage form filled then we're greeted by Elvis & loaded into his Landcruiser. It's 40km to the Weru Weru lodge & although very dark we stare out of the window the whole way. Soon arive at the charming lodge where the charming man on the desk greets us with a warm karibu. Jon is soon down looking bleary eyed & shows us to our room. Quick pop back to reception for toothbrushes, shower & finally time for bed. Here's hoping Africa doesn't swallow up 3 cases in 12 months
Wake up around 7, little laze in bed before putting on the same clothes from yesterday & wandering down to breakfast. Plan to meet the rest of the crew but realise we've no idea what any of them look like. Find Jon who directs us to the girls who've been smoking for the last hour or so to prepare for the climb. Prevail ourselves of the very respectable buffet while chatting to our very friendly companions from the West Country. Eventually Ben & Justin join us, who being the youngest of the expedition had a lay in.Next is a kit check by Jon, he seems pretty happy with everyone's gear, apart from the sheer quantity the ladies have imported from Bristol. Our kit check is of course theoretical. The now familiar routine of watching expectantly for news of the case continues until about 10:30 with a flurry of calls to any number I can get hold of. We all head into town, drop the otters off for shopping while we head to the office to make yet more phone calls. Try as I might I can neither get through on any Kenyan numbers or find anyone at BA that can deal with baggage issues outside the UK. That is until I find Oliver at the executive club who makes it his personal ambition to track them down, and track them down he does. He can't confirm what flight it's coming on, so although a lot more confident we're not out of the woods yet.With nothing more to do now we head into Moshi for lunch. Burgers, cokes & macchiato (we're not animals) consumed, while chatting with our fellow trekkers. Ben from Stoke is our expedition photographer & Justin another of the West country contingent. Both put us to shame with their charity work, we're just going up Kili for our own selfish satisfaction. Next stop is the kit hire shop where we pick up some waterproof pants, therma-rests, down jackets & water bottles. I pick a rather fetching space suit for summit day. Final stop is the local chemist for toothpaste & deoderant (that we somehow leave behind somewhere). Round everyone up in the bus then it's back to the lodge.Quick rest & shower in our room before heading down to Jon's lecture round the pool. In summary, drink, rest & tell him any of unpleasantness no matter how unpleasant. 7 o/c comes round & no sign of the case, ring BA & no good news or confirmation from Nairobi. He gives me the number for Nairobi again but I tell him yet again that the number doesn't connect. Our moods take another major turn downwards. Dinner is all good though, soup, steak & a rather strange desert that fashions itself as ebony & ivory. Chat with Jon about our Everest treks & he reminds us (& himself) of the very attractive girl he somehow found himself with at Labouche.This is a very different crisis than our lost luggage in Egypt, whilst anoying & jepodised our diving, this is rather more disasterous as we're due to start climbing the highest mountain in Africa with just the clothes we travelled in. We are very lucky though in that eveyone on the trip has rallied round us & ready to donate their spare gear. Between our new friends, Jon's supplies & a last minute trip into Moshi in the morning we'll be ready to trek. Extra stuff arrives all evening, along with magazines, insect repellent & stacks of snacks from the girls. Jon pops in with a head torch & to promote Katy Perry, I'm not convinced, even after he shows me a picture of her in a lion bikini!We do have one last gasp hope of going to the airport after the last flight in to check for ourselves. I am posting this now as am likely to be far too crest fallen when we return late tonight, presumably with our last hope dashed. I'll end here while we're basking in the warm of our team mates.
Not surprisingly we left the airport empty handed last night. Ho hum, we're resigned to it. Alarm goes off at 6, we're soon up, down to breakfast & off into the town for our final kit replacements. First stop is the supermarket, kind of a African Carifor. Raymond accompanies us & become our personal shopper, hunting round for the various supplies. Next it's back to Gladys's to rent a handful of essentials that we were not able to borrow from our friends. Final stop for some pants, Jo also find a Tanzania football shirt (for a bargain 15k shillings). Find Noel standing on the street sipping a take away latte, would have been nice if he'd got me one. Anyhoo heading back to the hotel, a mere 1 hr from arriving in Moshi town. Back at the hotel & a quick pack of everything & downstairs where the otters are waiting patiently for us.
Finally we're on our way to start our climb of Kilimanjaro. Everyone does a final recap of what they have, Selina clarifies that she doesn't share food "(in a West Country accent) torch mye food...feeel mye forrrk". I point out that she's donated 10kgof snacks to us, she's concerned that this trip may affect her in ways never intended. As we're driving along, finally heading for the trek, all the drama behind us, Noel hangs up his call, turns to us & says "your cases have arrived at Kilimanjaro airport". The whole bus erupts into applause & I threaten to kiss Noel on the mouth! We complete the rest of the short journey in very high spirits indeed.
Park up at Machame gate & hang around a while, while the officials sort out official stuff, like checking permits & ensuring the porters aren't carrying too much weight. Jon sign's us in to the register with our occupations being BA baggage reps, funny guy. Amuse ourselves watching the monkeys terrorise the Chinese tourists. Finally, finally we are able to start on our assault of Kilimanjaro. Polae polae say the guides, telling us to slow down as they're worried the fat Westerners will puff themselves out 20 mins into the 7 day trek.
The day provides a good long hike, through mostly solid paths & almost exclusively uphill. We all do well, rotating though the group chatting to various team members, guides & porters. Ben seems to have an affiliation with the guides, teaching each other little songs & dances. Lunch stop on fallen logs follows about 2 hours into the trek. We've got a lovely packed lunch of fried chicken & toasted honey sandwiches, along with assorted snacks. Jo wolf whistles one of the porters as he's changing his trousers, then turns to me & says "only kidding....but he does have great legs".
The afternoon follows a similar vien, walking & chatting, chatting & walking. We're in pretty thick rainforest, you can tell from the gradient we're gaining a lot of height but you get little sense of perspective without being able to see down into the valley. The last run into camp is a bit of a slog, we were late starting & faff over formalities at the gate mean its getting dusk as we find our site.
It's a first come basis so JT & I grab a fine looking central tent away from the latrine. Catch our first view of Kilimanjaro peaking through the clouds. Get washed & changed out of our trekking gear & into some hand me downs before joining the team members that have thus far made it to the mess tent. Chat about our day as we shovel popcorn & drink Milo. A little while later Katherine & Sarah bound into camp, a little later than others (it was dark), but every bit as possitive as when we set out. Dinner is served soon after, a fine pumpkin soup starters & equally fine spaghetti bolognaise is served. We are nicely settled, fed & warmed up when a guest arrives at the tent flap.......it is no other than.....our Snow & Rock case with all our lovely gear in. More cheering ensues & pretty soon we're left to it in the mess tent, separating donated, borrowed, hired & our kit. Finally get ourselves sorted, just well as the guys were getting pretty antsy to clear up the tent.
Back in our tent with our own underwear, thermals & sleeping bag liner. We had resigned ourselves to the borrowed kit & were all set to summit looking like Oliver Twists, but it is nice to be back in our own gear with our own stuff again. We pack down & are scerenaded by the wildlife sounds around us.
Hang on, let's do the Dumb & Dumber ending...
A limo driver in Nairobi saw us get on the plane without our cases so drove all the way across Kenya & Tanzania in a van dressed up as a giraffe. Trouble is they didn't know my name & so were looking for two people called Tripp and Snow & Rock. After spending a couple of days in Moshi they saw my photo on a lost bag news report so drove up to Machame Camp.
Distance trekked - 5.5km
Altitude gain - 1,200m
Time on trail - 12 hours
(Time on trail read time without toilet, wash, TV etc etc
Woken with a knock on the tent & 2 steaming cups of tea on our doorstep. Quick wash & dress in the tent, select our own gear for the first time since we left home on Thursday morning. Bags packed & over to the mess tent for breakfast. Today we had chocolate porridge followed by frankfurters, bread & eggs. Get our stuff & our asses together & hit the trail. Reminisent of leaving Namche Bazar, it's a long steep run up straight from breakfast. We're still in the jungle as we start off, quite chilly & getting warmer as we go.
We wind through the steep jungle canopy, constantly stepping aside to make way for the porters as they race past to make the next camp for us pampered tourists. It dusty too on the trail, very dusty, I pull my buff up to reduce the amount of grit I'm breathing in, most adopt the classic bandit style at some point during the day. It continues to get warmer & the jungle canopy starts to give way to a more scrubby vegatation. There's a couple of good photo opportunities of the striking, iconic African landscape. At a well earned rest stop Charles (our lead guide) tells us we just have to make the top of the next peak for an even more well earned lunch stop. Duly we make it to the top & good to his word we're allowed to break out our lunch boxes. Lunch is as good as yesterday as it is the same as yesterday, I manage to negotiate swapping an extra chicken piece with Seline for my boiled egg. A group (flock, murder, whatever) of Ravens are hovering around some scraps so I toss a bit in their direction.
Charles calls time & we all set off again (our group have taken to calling him Charlie, as in "Charlie bit my finger"). It's steep again after lunch, rockier now, almost scrambling over sections. It's a tough little spell of 90 mins or so, then it flattens out & we're told it's a meager 20 mins to camp, so we set off with renewed gusto. 20 mins later we duly arrive in camp, where all teams are spread out on the plateu, ours is mercifully the closest. Wash the thick dust off our disgusting sweaty white limbs, quick change of clothes & we start to feel human again. Off to the mess tent now for some popcorn, ginger buscuits & ginger tea. Have a chat to Justin about his travels to Italy (whatever), Japan (facinating) & other places before we decide it's time to let the guys clear up the tent ready to fix us yet another hot meal. Get the last bits of our kit ready & have a little rest in the tent. Jo sets off to find Sarah, who's hopefully closing in on camp. In the meantime she finds the singing / dancing porters & join in with their show. Jon gives me a knock & invites me over to where the singining is in full swing, quite an impressive show that draws crowds from all over the campsite. Pretty soon Sarah appears & the party flows out to meet her, making an emotional (& probably embarassing) celebration.
With the party over, the porters & guides turn their attention to serving our dinner, which again is all good. Courget soup, followed by chicken & rice, with fresh mango for afters. Jon gives his after dinner pep talk & pretty soon everyone is ready to go to sleep (not that there's any connection). Bump into Jon on the way back from registering our team, true to his word he registered my occupation as porn star. Have a chat about the old days in Nepal before calling it a night.
Distance trekked - 5.5km
Altitude gain - 820m
Time on trail - 36 hours
Really bad night sleep, if there was any sleep, too cold, snuffly & in need of a wee. Dealt with the first two but really couldn't be bothered getting out for to the bushes. Just to add to the night's fun, tea call is at 5:30 this morning, but we cheerfully answer the call, what else can you do considering the guys been up even earlier to make your cuppa. Pop out for that long overdue wee then back for quick wash up & dress for the day ahead. Breakfast is served in the mess tent, plain porridge, sausage, egg & something that's fashioned as French Toast (but it sure didn't come from The Smith on 3rd Ave). It's all good as usual though. Jon is busy chasing us out to start the trail, but the crew have other ideas as it's introduction time. Bryson does a fine speech, making everyone's job sound very important, which of course they are for us. All finished off with a chorus of "Ogie, Ogie, Ogie".
Much to Jon's relief we finally get on the trail. It's a gentle winding upwards from camp, very rocky, no vegatation other than the odd bit of scrub. The trail levels out & widens out, revealing the most dramatic views so far. The summit looms over us, imposing & achievable in equal measures. Jon takes the lead & introduces the name game, much fun is had by all but not fun enough to explain it, you kinda had to be there. Pretty soon we're heading up to the Lava Towers for our first hot lunch, which is yet again all good. So good in fact that we're all complaining we can't do up the waist straps on our day sacks. Handily it's all down hill after lunch, which we negotiate successfully. Then its pretty much a flat traverse all the way to camp. Only highlights being chanting to other groups as the pass our rest stop & Justin's revelations in the bedroom game (again you had to be there).
Roll into camp, quick wash & change into camp clothes (that being clothes to wear round camp, not that I'm wearing a dress...although that would be fine). Into the mess tent for afternoon tea, parade of the photos & plug my phone into the my latest gadget, the PowerMonkey. Ben bribes me with tales of missing his girlfriend for a 20% charge in his iPhone. We fill the time between afternoon tea & dinner with little jobs & soon enough another smiling face appears with a cheerful "Mambo" and a plate of steaming beef stew & spaghetti.
The mess tent thins out as we chat about adventures. Jo gets a text from her dad, concerned about the troubles in Nairobi, we can't work out if he means our luggage soap opera or something more serious. Jo texts back but reception dies. Still no sign of Sarah, although reports are that she's closing in on camp. This is where Jon proves his worth, Sarah has three guides with her & is holding a vigil until she returns, then bringing her tea & tucking her in & reading her a bedtime story when she rolls in at 9:30.
Distance trekked - 10km
Altitude gain - 790m
Time on trail - 60 hours
Turns out an Islamic terorist cell has kidnapped & killed hostages in the Westgate shopping centre in Nairobi, I check they don't mean Westfield in Stratford. Ho hum, let's finish this challenge before getting on to the airlines again. Meanwhile back in camp, Sarah is up & feeling incredibly possitive after her 14 hour marathon yesterday.
Tea call is a respectable 6 o/c & we have our routine pretty well sorted, I've even got time to pop to the mess tent before breakfast to suss out my PowerMonkey. Porridge is of the chocolate variety, followed by the frankfurter, egg & pancake, a gastronomic delight rolled together dipped in ketchup. Jon's getting antsy again, hurrying us out to the trail. Thing is for the normally well spoken Jon mixing with this West Country lot, his Bristol accent is coming to the for, "roight everyone, larts be aving yer". Selina tells him, not until I've had my tea & fag, I believe the Sir Edmund Hillary said exactly the same.
Eventually Selina does finish her fag & we set off for the Branco Wall. It's a different sort of challenge today, a 200m scramble, which is a lot of fun & everyone does a fine job. We pass a group of northerner en route & need to call on Ben's interpretation skills, aparently "by eck, icky thump, eccles cake", means "at least at Alton Towers you can get a fast pass". We continue our assault on the wall, stopping occasionally for drinks & snacks. At one such stop Justin call upon the mountain if anyone wants any Kendal Mint Cake & the mountain replies the Kendal Mint Cake was all good. I think Charles has taken a shine to Mel as he's given to calling her mamma Simba & insisting on holding her hand. We do indeed reach the top in one piece, similar to other adventures, it's tricky & a little dangerous but the ground is not littered with bodies as envy one has to be careful. Anyhoo, once at the top there's plenty of standing / jumping in air shot on the edge of the abys. Jon muscles in on my shot but it's fine, we make a handsome couple.
With all photos done, we set off again, this time undulating trail, dusty & loose under foot. After about an hour camp comes into view, unfortunately there's a 100m decent & 100m ascent in between. Quick stop to avoid using the porta loo then head down & up. Camp unfortunately is engulfed in cloud when we arrive but then our spirtits are buoyed soon as we step in the mess tent, chicken & chips for lunch!
After lunch Jo lends me his local data sim so I can upload & update everyone on the goings on with the luggage saga & the excitement of the trail. Justin distracts Jon by thrashing him at cards while I rape his data limit. Blog, fb & photos uploaded we head back to the tent for a freshen up before dinner. The campsite is completely engulphed in clouds & very cold.
Dinner is sereved in the mess tent, cucumber soup & bean stew, hmm think it will be windy inside & outside of the tent tonight. Jon's lecture & overview of summit day done & everyone is pretty much done so off to beddy byes for the campers.
Distance trekked - 5.5km
Altitude gain - 200m
Time on trail - 84 hours
Bed tea is practically mid-day at 6:30, usual chat with the tea chap through the tent flap, "how many spoons of milk?", "one please"; "how many spoons of sugar", "0 please". Then it's out of the bed clothes & into the hiking clothes that we've conveniently laid out the night before. Pop out of the tent, managing the tricky manoeuvre of getting one boot on, standing up out of the tent & squeezing the other boot on. Leave Jo to roll up the bags & finish the packing, she likes that, says it's part of her home making. I join Selina for an early morning smoke & take in of the views. Tent packed we wander to the mess tent for more breakfast delights. This morning we have chocolate porridge, frankfurters & omelette, it's all good & I have seconds.
With relatively limited cajouling Jon gets us on the trail. It's not a bad trek today, relatively short & not too steep, so we've really nothing to complain about. Bit of uphill from camp then round & down some rocks, then opens out onto a vast plain. We're so far above the tree line now nothing grows at all, not even the smallest shrub. It's quite a spectacular scenery in a desolate, alien sort of way, formed by either lava or glacial flow, I'll get back to you on that one. With such a clear & obvious route I decide to stride out & stretch my legs. Stop half way up the ridge as the clouds are closing in & don't want to loose my comrades, so find a nice ledge to park myself on, watch other hikers go by & get some snaps of my team as they approach & climb. Safely met up with the otters we ascend the final climb, through various camp sites to ours, strategically placed at the highest point to reduce the amout we need to trek tonight, every little bit helps! Sarah has made the very brave decission to not attempt the summit. She has worked hard in some of the most challenging conditions, trekking much longer than the rest of us to achieve her goal & to support the charity that means so much to her. However, given all that has gone before it just isn't possible for Sarah to summit & get back to camp.
Such is our mammalian trekking efficiency we're done by lunchtime. Quick unpack, Jo once again makes it a tent from home, the huts in Barafu huts refers to the rangers. Lunch is served in the mess tent, soup (of some description) & potato stew. Spend some time uploading photos after lunch, running down both the iPad battery & the PowerMonkey cell. Not much chance of sun this afternoon so Jon accompanies me to the ranger hut & helps negotiate a reasonable charge for the charge. Get our summit clothes ready & generally have a potter (or a faff as Jon puts it) before early dinner. Some great views over the ridge across the plain we trekked today & up to the peak of Kilimanjaro. That is in between great swathes of clouds that engulf the camp & surrounding areas. It's cold up here too.
Dinner is served around 5:30, a classic summit combination of soup & stew, cucumber & chicken respectively. Not much point hanging around the mess tent with a precious few hours left to get some rest. Everyone is feeling a mixture of excitement & trepidation
Distance trekked - 3.5km
Altitude gain - 640m
Time on trail - 108 hours
We both managed to get some sleep before our wake up call at 11:15. We get into kit, Icebreaker base layer, two pairs of socks, mid layer (Tanzania football shirt for me), fleece, wind proof jacket & down jacket. Head into the mess tent where porridge, ginger biscuits await, I mix myself Ernest Shackelton's favourite, 2 spoons
Milo, 2 spoons coffee, 1 spoon milk powder. Everyone (even Selina) is a little more subdued as the task ahead looms large. Watch the other trekkers funnel through camp, find our spot & we, Ben, Justin, Selina, Jo & me are off. Katherine & Mel set off an hour earlier.
Midnight to 1am - feeling a little sluggish starting off, maybe not enough rest, maybe too many ginger biscuits. Watch the trail of head torches snake up the mountain peak. Firm soil gives way to rock, which we're required to clamber over, a tad tricky in the dark.
1am to 2am - the normally sedentary Karim is setting a decent pace this morning, making some daring overtaking manoeuvres, weaving in & out of teams. Selina is struggling already, it's a relatively mild & she's suffocating in her layers. She drops back to sort out her layers with Jon.
2am to 3am - Karim's strategy see us clear all other teams that left around the same time, so it's dark all around us, can't see the lights below because of the slope, difficult to know above which are torches & which are stars. We passed Mel & Katherine and Selina has rejoined us.
3am to 4 am - have our second pit stop of the night, again a short one as getting cold is not going to help us. Justin is struggling with an altitude related stomatch so drops back. We've broken into 3 or 4 sub teams, Jon jogs between teams giving support, checking we're ok & dishing out Haribo sweets.
4am to 5am - still pushing on, the second of the "darkest hours" between 3 & 5 is proving tougher than the first. Karim says we'll be at Stellar Point by 5:30, Jon thinks that's a tad ambitious. Justin has rejoined the lead group, Selina has dropped back. Ben & I are the only ones still with our packs. It has started to snow.
5am to 6am - this is tough, the soil is loose so you slip back every one step in 5, it's the coldest point of the night, it's still snowing & it's steep. Jo starts to struggle with the pace, Charles take her by the hand & guides her upwards. Jon's words to "dig deep" ring in my ears, indeed I must. Doing so realises the first of our objectives, we arrive at Stellar Point just ahead of Karim's prediction. The guides are great at this point, we get half a cup of tea & 2 minutes rest, then driven on.
6am to 7am - we continue along the crater towards Uhuru Peak. It's still snowing, misty too even though the sun is begining to rise making it difficult to see the undoubtedly spectacular scenery around us. The sun finally breaks through as we get first sight of the sign & the people gathered around the peak. At 6:22 we finally make it, instantly exhaustion gives way to exhuberation, I hug Ben, Justin, then Charles before turning back to see a lone forlorne figure in the crowds, almost broken staring up the sign. I stride towards her ingnoring the wellwishers & backslappers to embrace her & simply say congratulations, we did it.
We fight for our rightful position on the podium, Ben unfurles a Union Jack from his ruck sack, a top hat appears from mine. Ben & I hold the corners of the flag Jo & Justin crouch underneath, we start a rousing chorus of Enge-rland, Enger-land, Enger-land. Time for more intimate pictures for each of us, followed by a collection of top hat & other tom foolery pictures.
7am to 8am - as if by a miracle the snow has finally given way to the sun to create a spectacular scenery of brilliant sunbursts & pure white frosty ground. We can now clearly see the glacier 100m from the trail, a gigantic wall of ice that goes on for as far as the eye can see (but not nearly as far as it used to). On the other side another spectacular scene of the snow filled crater & the sun rising over a sea of clouds. We set off downwars trying to take as much in & as many pictures as we can. We pass Selina, who could only be 45 mins behind us, we wish each other well & continue on our respective paths of making it to the peak & down from the peak.
8am to 10am - we continue the long & arduous journey down from the peak. Anyone thinking this is the easy bit is mistaken, the same loose, winding & slippery conditions prevail, it is a long hard but necessary slog. Arrive in camp around 9:40, take some tablets, strip off & into our bags for a couple of hours rest.
Crawl out about 12 o/c, find Selina, exchange congratulations, news of progress & of course a fag. Katherine made it to Stellar Point then had to turn around due to bad weather, Mel pushed on & made it to the peak despite Bryson's directions to his guides to bring her down at Stellar. Chat to Michael (the camp manager (he runs the campsite not he runs around in dresses (which would be fine))) & to Bryson, seems like the girls are still a way away, trouble is we're supposed to be packing up & bugging out to the lower Millenium camp this afternoon. Relay the updates to the otters through their respective tents.
Finally Katherine is down from Stellar Point, a quick lunch is arranged then Jon makes the call to move on. Fortunately, we're already packed so have a comfy rest propped up against our bags in our tents. Unfortunately it's been snowing / hailing / raining for the last few hours. Soon we're off for the 2 hour trek down to Millenium camp, Sarah is already there, Mel will be heading straight down when she finishes her peak trek. We're all in reasonably high spirits, despite the exhaustion, bouyed by our achievements.
The barren rocky high altitude desert slowly gives way to vegatation until finally we arrive in our tree filled camp. Everything is a bit damp but we make the best of it, Jo makes our tent from home again & we catch some shut eye before dinner. Arise & make our way to the mess tent about 7, pass Mel on the way out, having just finished her 20 hour marathon trek to the peak & then straight on to Millenium camp. I comment to her fellow Bristolians they make their women tough down there, bloody stubborn comes the reply, bases on my limited sample both are true.
Think everyone's pretty keen to get to bed after dinner & surprise surprise, it's another early start in the morning. Clean our teeth over the view of Moshi town then into our little cocoons for nighty nights.
Distance trekked - 10km
Altitude gain - 1,215m
Time on trail - 132 hours
Wake up call at 5:30, I hear one of the girls giving in their tea order & am disappointed when don't get offered, but there's no bed tea this morning, we have to go to the tent & make it ourselves. Breakfast is porridge followed by eggy bread which is all good, Jo even shares her extra helping with me.
We all get ourselves together with minimal faff which pleases Jon, he says we can go down as fast as we want but as we can't leave until everyone is down there seem limited benefit. Set a good pace anyhoo, have a chat with Charles, I ask him if he has a family, he says one girl of 6, I ask if he wants more, he says he would like three children but "pole, pole" (slowly, slowly), in the same ways he's said throughout the trip. Chat with Raymond, for a while, he was a porter for three years, then went back to college & is now a qualified mountain & safari guide. Great to know that these guys that work so hard have a chance for a better life. Raymond is also a Man Utd supporter, I knew there was a reason I liked that boy.
Justin, Raymond & I break away from the girls & make good pace to the bottom. Finally after 7 days we see the gate & is a very welcome sight. Grab a few celebratory Cokes & share them around while we wait for the otters to arrive. Once all assembled once more we hop on the bus & are whisked to the Glacier bar for lunch.
Lunch is good & of the buffet variety, thankfully no soup or stew, washed down with a couple of Kilimanjaro beers. Jon compliments me on my now not insubstantial beard, he (unprompted) likens me to Sean Connery, I've always liked that boy. Jo is not so sure, saying if Jon likes it so much then he can kiss me, maybe a shave when we get to Zanzibar then. Next up we're splitting our kit into 30 piles of donated gear, everything from walking poles, thermal gloves, to Mars bars & Women's Own. The guides, porters & assorted crew have now assembled, we have group photographs, then a very well organised tipping ceremony. Jo gives Charles his tip & we're very pleased to see him pick up the pile that contains my shirt & Jo's poles. All the girls similarly have an affinity to specific guides that have helped them over the course of the week. Ben has an affiliation with everyone but specifically the cook, who did brilliantly getting us the right food we needed for the trek, making it (mostly) tasty, & getting it carted half way round Tanzania. I give an extra few schillings to the little chap that lugged our case with the BA heavy warning tag half way up the mountain. All the crew are genuinely grateful for our gifts of money & gear, makes you feel you've given something back without being patronising. Another impeccably balanced event by Jon.
While not wanting to detract from the saying goodbye to our friends that have supported us so ably for the past week, we're all rather keen to get to the Weru Weru lodge & finally get clean. With the cases (including the first sight of our red case) loaded on the bus we finally head to our home for the night. It's a short trip to the Weru Weru lodge & it is truly a paradise after a week on the trail. We're soon divied up with our rooms & get settled, Jon pops in soon after to check our room is ok or in the hope to catch Jo (or me) in her under crackers. She is not but the room is indeed to our liking. If you've ever wondered if it's possible to get granny fingers in the shower like you get from being in the bath too long, it is. Jo is insistent that she needs to take everything that has been in contact with the trail before scrubbing herself into a stuper. Meanwhile I charge anything I can get my hands on & generally bask in the lovely surroundings.
Soon enough it is 7 o/c & time for our celebration dinner. We meet the otters in the delightful lounge area where they're sipping beers & Cokes. Everyone is looking so gosh darn clean & very pleased with themselves about it. We chat about our shared experiences on the trail. Jon continues to be taken with my beard, I can imagine myself wandering around galleries stroking it thoughtfully, I can perhaps put up with my mothers jibes but what about Jo, hmm maybe I'll just shave my top lip. Bryson joins us & dinner is served to save more beard debate. Dinner is just ok, a notch up from the trail but not really up to the quality of our surroundings.
Jon asks me at dinner what my was the highlight of the trip, I say (with all sincerity), apart from summitting, the warmth of our team in that within 2 hours of meeting them they rallied round & gave us everything from clothes, to medicines & snacks. I attempt to repeat that sentiment to everyone when we retire to the lounge, I hope it came across ok. Jon hands out the certificates and has a special message to everyone. Sarah gets a special certificate to mark the extraordinary effort she made to get to high camp. We all celebrate one last time with a bottle of bubbly, another nice touch from Jon. With (almost) everyone ready to collapse in bed we bid a fond farewell to everyone as we will be heading off before anyone else gets up in the morning. Jon, Ben, Bryson & Noel head out to the Glacier Bar, which we're reliably informed is a lot more lively in the evening. The rest of us hug & head to bed.
Distance trekked - 20km
Altitude lost - 1,990m
Time on trail - 148 hours
Up at 3am, yes 3am, we must be gluttons for punishment, but the rewards should outweigh the hardships. Quick clean up & gather the last of our things & out the door by 3:20. Jon had shown me his alarms last night where he was planning to get up 4 times to see everyone off. I'm assuming that after a night at the Glacier Bar I'll just drop him a text to let him know, but as we leave there he is standing outside his door. I ask how long he's been in, he says about a minute. Last hugs & fond farewells to our expedition leader friend & off to be reunited with Elvis in reception. About 45 mins to the airport then a quick thank you very much to our driver & into departures. Strange pre check-in security check & up to the desk. First point, do they have our booking, yes - good, & on to Zanzibar, yes - great, can they check our luggage through, hmmmm will have to check...yes - fantastic. Climb on board our turbo prop & a pleasant 40 min flight to Nairobi, where there are signs of redevelopment of the beligured airport.
So next set of challenges, is there a transfer area, yes - amazing, do they have our booking & can we find someone to issue a boarding pass, yes - stupendous. We're told to take a seat outside the gate as it's full for the flight before ours. We watch & amble to the gate when the proceeding flight is called, then realise we're up too. Chat to the flight attendant who had been on our flight from Kili, Jo points out it's probably the same plane & they might as well have left us & our luggage on board. Soon we're up up & away for the final leg which should take just over an hour. The lady behind us is snoring so loud we think we're still on the trail. JT catches some flies too. I've been busying myself with catching up on three action packed days of blog. Soon enough we touch down in Zanzibar & as we're at the back of the bus we're first off. Yellow fever certificates checked again, we head for the Comonweath Countries counter but as its empty we're ushered to the foreigner counter. Next tricky bit, do we need another visa as our passports we're stamped as exiting Tanzania, no - astounding, & we're allowed through to our final & most challenging challenge, baggage reclaim. You can see out to the runway passed the wooden benches that serve as luggage carousel in this part of the world. Nothing on the first trolley, I comment to JT there isn't a hope in hell that our cases our here. Second trolley is half empty, then all of a sudden a red case is wheeled through, is it ours? it surely is - astonishing. Last bag off the trolley is a large black one with white writing, is it the Snow & Rock bag? yes - hallelujah praise the Lord it's a miracle. I attempt to leave with my claimed booty but not so fast sonny, all luggage has to be X-rayed under the zealous Zanzibarian security regime, oh hang on it's stopped working, you can go. Meet our driver & we're soon off through the none too inspiring local area towards our resort on the north east side of the island.
Arrive at Diamond Dreams & are directed to the delightful airy lounge where formalities are taken care of. As it's only 11 o/c our room isn't ready so Hussain takes us down to the open air cafe. Hussain is a lovely man & a Man Utd supporter. Now this is not uncommon abroad as many will point out but Hussain is a genuine one, bemoaning David Moyes selection for the derby, why didn't he play Kagua & showing indifference to Fellainie's performance. He probably gets to Old Trafford only slightly less frequently to me. Anyhoo, we partake in many lattes due to the all inclusive nature of the resort, until a chap appears to escort us to our room about 1 o/c.
Our room is indeed delightful, with views of the shallow turquoise waters & a bed that's about twice the size of our tent in Kili. I'm sure we won't be any more comfortable than on the mountain though, we can just turn the air conditioning up & put our smelly thermals on. After a potter (or faff), off to check out the resort. Have a spot of buffet lunch & get the run down on tonight's entertainment, aparently there's a Michael Jackson impersonator, but we're warned he's not the real Michael Jackson as he's dead. Look for the dive centre, closed, buy some overpriced sunglasses (mine somehow missed the packing & we have no cash so needs must). Wander out into the crystal clear shallow waters, that although inviting are not particularly cooling when after 200m it's still ankle deep. Jo's terrified of what's lurking in the miryad of holes in the sand & squeals every 10 seconds. I offer to carry her back but that terrifies her more. Quick swim in the pool & gawk at the sights of the over-fed, over-pampered, over-tanned Europeans that inhabit this resort. There's a aerobics class going on, a very excitable Italian instructor shouts at her students that range from very fit, very brown Oligarch mistresses to pastey wives of Rotheram lottery winners. There's also a thumping disco beat so amusing as it all is we call it a day.
Back to the room for a shower & that long awaited shave. I tempt Jo with an assortment of git beards but she's not keen on any of them. We decide to head for the only paying restaurant as we would like to actualy choose what we want for the first time this trip. We shun the Arabian night themed buffet for the Blue Vanilla seafood restaurant, which turns out to be completely empty at 8:30, so it's back to sample the Middle Easten delights. Avail ourselves of said delights, I go for the local gin & would certainly go for the local belly dancers. (Craig may I recommend a replacement for your disappointing Sherpa, they seem very flexible).
Dinner & entertainment over we head back to our tent, er I mean room for some well earned kip.
Distance travelled - 811 km
Average alitude - 5,791m
Number of cases lost - 0
Thanks very much Jem & Pete for your excellent (& frequent) Dumb & Dumber references to our lost luggage, a much better D&D ending than mine. A fine point Craig, those Birley bad boys are indeed huge...hang on, we should open a salt beef station at Kili base camp. Apologies for the useless Sherpa, they're usually such reliable creatures. I trust the Tanzanian belly dancer will be more of a hit, she can take care of all those unpleasant jobs that Laura has lost interest in.
Can I just clarify with you all though, at 5,895m & the largest free standing MOUNTAIN in the world, Kilimanjaro is not a hill!
Arrise from our slumber at the disgraceful time of 7:30 & waddle our asses down to breakfast at the shameful time of 8:40! The breakfast buffet is indeed fine, however we can't quite adjust after our week in the mountain. I go for porridge but find it a bit thick so take a teaspoon of oats & a litre of hot water, shun the toast for dry bread, next stop omlette man who gives me a strange look when I ask him to just cut me a triangle out of the fine egg patte he has made. Back at the table, confusion still reigns as the staff offer me milk in liquid form, what's that all about? Research what there is to do in Zanzibar over breakfast & serendipitiously we have an appointment with tour man at 10 o/c. We've already pretty much decided that although an interesting history in the slave trade & subsequent abolishion, there isn't much to see in Zanzibar, no big animals (other than tourists), not really interested in the spice tour so settle for the efficiency of a guided tour of the history of Stone Town. Chap in the office comments he's learning German so Jo proceeds to have a 10 minute conversation with him, something about "kommen in mein zimmer, mien heir is kaput in das sack". I'm sure he was grateful for her help. He returns the favour by directing us to the PADI dive centre next door, which is our next stop. Run the gauntlet of the market stalls betwen hotels & make our way to the centre, where we're greeted by a quite inept rep who doesn't seem to know anything other than they have dives at Mnemba Atol every day, which is what we're after & good enough for us so we sign up for a dive tomorrow.
Quick pit stop back in our room then off to the garden pool, a quieter & more secluded option than the main pool inhabited this morning by pool aerobics, where the trainer runs along the side & the tourists bob along in the water like performing seals eagerly awaiting their next fish. The garden pool is indeed delightful & we have it to ourselves. Have delicious swim in the cool (but not cold) water & a toasty dry off in the hot African sun. I indulge myself in the self serve coffee & update blog & photos while Joanna browns nicely on the lounger. Having shunned lunch we are justified in heading over to afternoon tea man for a couple of pancake & latte combos. We're so far resisting the all inclusive habit of eating constantly, just about.
Time to head back to the room for a little freshen up, potter & out to dinner. Tonight's lucky restaurant is the Italian, where we are allowed to pick from a menu! We go for the ecclectic aquatic combination of Fruit de Mare risotto & catch of the day, snapper today. Retire to the coffee lounge for a couple of generic cream liqueurs to round off a rather lazy & indulgent day.
Yes Jem, all the other mountains are supported by scaffolding. They're also part of mountain ranges, whereas Kilimanjaro stands alone.
Up at 6:30 this morning for our dive pickup at 7:15. Get our bits together & wander down to the gate (apparently they're not allowed to come into the resort). Wait patiently for half an hour, watching all sorts of taxis & mini buses go by, then eventually a covered pickup arrives & two men beckon us to get in. Now what was it I read in the Lonely Planet about getting in trucks in foreign countries, oh yeah it's fine so we jump in (allegedly their bus broke down). Pick up a few other fortunate tourists along the way to the dive centre. We're greeted at the centre by a delightful French girl with stunning blue eyes. Next we're split into our teams & alas the girl with the eyes is not ours. We're in a team of four with another English couple, so that's all fine. All divers & snorkelers are now herded onto a bus for the lumpy, bumpy ride to the boat. This is not an uncommon faff with diving but it does give us the chance to see the Zanzibar big 5 ie goat, chicken, duck, cow & ox. Next we're herded onto a speedboat, that looks far too small for the 15 or so of us, but squeeze in we do for the short ride before we're loaded on to the dow for the 20 min trip to Mnemba.
Once at the dive spot the junior divers head off for snorkelling, then one team heads off with the dive master with the eyes & the four of us with our master. It's not particularly hot but as usual it's very restricting & a little unpleasant on deck with your flippers, BCG & mask on. Soon enough we're given the order to dive, dive, dive, not before I get my GoPro ready to film my rear entry (off the boat backwards that is). First dive in a year & it's all feeling a bit awkward, bobbing around in the water breathing through your regulator. I find equalising difficult too, so descend slower than the rest. Once in the zone I'm fine though, swimming along the coral reef snapping away with the camera on my wrist (thanks Rach, great present). The GoPro works well, point your hand at what you want to capture, screen is clear, easy to read underwater & easy to change modes, you can even pick up the confirmation beep. Good first dive, lots of beautiful coral & tropical fish, baraccuda, trigger fish, lion fish, that sort of thing. After sampling the aquatic wonders of Wattebomi we head for our safety stop & onwards to the surface.
Back on board, we have a smorgesboard of delights, coconut, banana, cookies & doughnuts while chatting to our new English friends. Geoff is a writer for a gambling website, he says sometimes he wakes up & thinks he's sold his soul to the devil, we agree with him.
Surface interval over we're hurling ourselves backwards off the boat again. This time everything is feeling much easier & familiar, equalise efficiently all the way to the bottom of Groupers Rock. Along the rock we see a medley of marine life, including giant blue starfish & a small ray. Next we come across a large moray eel, peeping out hungrily from under it's rock, I swim up as close as I dare to get some good footage. We see a couple of white tipped reef sharks, a lot bigger than the wide angled GoPro makes them appear (they were more the size of Great Whites, well maybe). Then the real highlight of the dives, up close & personal with a Hawksbill turtle. He's resting on top of the coral, grazing on the algae, I swim right over him & bob alongside for ages before he gracefully swims into the blue. A memorable 45 min dive over, it's safety stop & surface. Climb aboard the dow, short wait for the otters, then back to shore, trading the tedious & uncomfortable bus journey for a much more enjoyable longer boat ride. Back in the dive centre we leave with our log books signed but alas without Frenchies phone number. Finally a quick truck ride back to our hotels (have they still not fixed the bus?).
Back in the resort, I immediately download the GoPro footage to the iPad while we shower, then it's down to grab the last knockings of lunch as we're so hungry we could eat the ass end off a wilderbeast! Browse the photos over pizza, then it's straight into afternoon tea. Our hunger finally slaked, our next urge is one for a nap, so it's up to our room, into the jammies & grap 40 (actually more like 80) winks.
Finnally haul our butts off the bed, dress & head down to dinner, where we plump for the African tonight. It's not great to be honest, rather hot too so it's a relief to head out to the cool evening & our favourite coffee house where we have a browse of the web & a write of the blog. Strangely enough we have no trouble getting off to sleep about 3 hours after our nap.
Time spent underwater - 80 mins
Ave depth - 18.3m
Awake from our slumber today at 7 o/c, quick wash & brush up then down to breakfast for the 7:30 opening. Read The Times while we take in three courses before heading to reception for our Stone Town pick up. About an hours drive to the capital, which I while away by reading the what to do in Dar es Salam guide in the seat back pocket. We're not heading there but for anyone that is, there isn't much to do in the Tanzanian capital.
Our driver tells us that the city is split in two, Zanzibar Town on one side Stone Town on the other. We meet our guide for Stone side, never to find out if there is anything worth note on the other side. Our guide Wilfred who tells us Stone Town is a UNESCO world heritage site, so another to tick off the list. First on our list is the Anglican church, founded by missionaries when the righteous British arrived to drive out the evil slave traders & bring freedom to the people of East Africa (well kind of & to ruin the French trade in the process). Tis an interesting but rather unassuming church, founded on the site of the slave market. On that theme we're shown the monument to the slaves & taken to see a sample of the cells where the slaves were held between auctions. Regular readers of the blog will be well versed on a history lesson (as well as geology lessons for Jemma). While more familiar with the West African slave trade to North & South America and the West Indies, the Middle East was prominent in the East African trade. Having converted much of the coastal towns to Islam, the traders entered the African interior to enslave non-believers, often the tribal chiefs would sell captured people from rival tribes. They were then transported to the slave markets in Zanzibar to be sold to work on local plantations, domestic servants in Oman or further afield to French colonies. David Livingstone in search of the source of the Nile came to Zanzibar & was so appauled by the treatment of the slaves he urged the British government to end the vile trade, which they duly did. With Brittain's checkered colonian past, it is uplifting to see a man such as Livingstone held in such high esteme in this part of the world.
Anyhoo, we must proceed with the tour. Next up is the fish & meat market, for looking not buying, tempted as I am to take home a recenty deceased octopus. It's pretty loud & smelly in there but we're soon out into the spice market & then the winding backstreets of the town. This is where a guide makes things so much easier & more efficient. The maze of narrow winding streets is not somewhere we would have ventured on our own & would have little chance of finding our way out if we did. There's not an awful lot to note, bar the facinating doors that Wilfred points out to us at every opportunity, I take a photo of each one to keep him happy. Quick squiz at the Catholic church, of which Wilfred is a memeber, being one of the 5% of Christians on the island (oops sorry lesson over), then to a cash machine & on to the fancy shops. We manage to get most of our souveniers in here, over priced compared to the market yes, but very efficient & none of this "a sheckle, you're robbing me" business. The only thing we can't get is Kilimanjaro t shirts that are a must to prove our conquest but had no time to pick any up on the mainland. See Freddie Mercury's house, very nice, I'm sure you all know the story so will not lecture any more. Next up is the beach to see the dows in the harbour, then to the crumbling old Portugese fort, then the house of wonders (the first house in Africa to have electricity, but not any more, much like our resort half of the time). Finally we're taken to the palace where we're given a tour by their guide, it was a rather whirlwind tour & apart from the princess running off with a German, most of it passed me by.
Say a fond farewell to Wilfred while slipping him a few schillings, then our ride home arrives, which is only remarkable by how little of it was spend awake. Back in the room for a quick change into our swimmies & down to the pool. Swim, dry off, read then it's afternoon tea time, Nutella pancakes are the order of the day along with many lattes. Jo admits that after decades of resisting, she is completely hooked on the stuff. Pop up to reception to post our postcards, then back to the room to freshen up before dinner, tonight it's beach barbque time.
Down by the pool the over fed & under dressed are gathered for the BBQ extravaganza. As we're a little later we're seated directly in front of the band, which suits us as they really are rather good. The BBQ on the other had is a tad disappointing, while the grilled tuna & chicken are all good, who ever heard of a barbie without burgers & sangas?, not sure about the BBQ pasta either. No matter we make the best of it with unlimited wine & beer while getting down with the band. Desert course brings red velvet cake, it may not be NY's Magnolia red velvet but it's pretty bloody good. The band seeks audience participation for standing in a row & dancing in sequence. Now African or otherwise, line dancing is one of the two things I won't do so retire to the coffee lounge (via the red velvet stand). Sip a couple of lattes while listening to the band from safe distance. And that is that till the morning when the troughs are refilled & us tourists trott again out of our pens.
Retire to our room for teeth brush & dream of never having to go back to work.
At first I wondered what Pete had been smoking with his mini-me post, but on another look at the into the blue photo, I can see his point. I always cary a mini-Jo when diving in case the life size one gets eaten by a shark, I can then just attach the mini one to my cylinder & viola a full sized JT.
Alarm goes off at 7:30 & we laze around for while like the mosquito net is an inpenetrable field that stops us getting out of bed. Eventually we break the force field & drag our lazy trotters down to the breakfast trough at 8:30. Usual buffet of splendor but we are starting to wonder how long we can stand this indulgence, hmmm at least one more day I think. Retire from the buffet to the cafe where we indulge (yes more indulgence) in a couple of lattes. Read the paper for a bit, America grinding to a halt due to another congress empass, chemical weapons inspections in Syria, that sort of thing. Upload the blog & check on emails, I've had a friend request from our fellow mountaineer Selina. Right, time for some jobs to ensure we don't spend the rest of the week in the malaise. Ring Scuba-Do (great name), rival to the diving outfit we went with on Monday, located on the North Western tip of the island. They promote all manner of trips round the north coast & Tumbatu Island, so I ask where they're going tomorrow, he says they haven't worked that out yet. I persevere though & negotiate a very civilised pick up at 8:30 tomorrow. He rings back about 10 mins later & confirms dives for Shamzi & Kichafi Reef, we're pretty pleased with all that & we're good to go.
Off to brave the little market between the hotels next. Flurry of excitement as we arrive as it looks like we're the first customers of the day, usual hawking but not too bad as we insist we're going to have a look round. Find a collection of Masi warriors sitting around, who are also very pleased to see us. We're escorted round by Melua, who has taken over from Raymond as our personal shopper. Melua has excellent English, tells us he's picked it up from tourists over the last 2 years, I'm impressed, cynical Jo thinks he must have been to college, where would have picked up the word circumcission from tourists, she does have a point. Anyhoo, back to shopping we settle in one of the bigger stalls where we pick up the last of our stuff. Asking price is about £50, I tell him I could get them for half that in Romford, he seems to agree & we settle on 1/3 of the price. Pick up some little pieces from Melua's stall with the change I've got in my pocket (ha little did they know I've got money in 3 other pockets!).
On the way back wander round to the water sports centre (which I hope relates to the sea rather than activities for the German guests), there's sailing but despite Jo's seafaring ancestry she isn't keen, so settle on a sea kyak. Just got to pop upstairs to change into our swimmies, get back & he's gone to lunch, ho hum will just have to lie on the beach for a bit then. Eventually he returns & we're soon off into the considerably deeper but still impossibly turquoise waters. We're told not to go passed the breakers in the distance, I see this as a challenge so head out like Papilion escaping from French Gyana on a kayak fashioned out of palm trees & duct tape. It's actually pretty hard work, generally paddling against JT & the tide which is sweeping across the beach. About 1km out to sea, the coast is a dot & we're closing in on the breakers. Jo says it's a bit 'pooky' & doesn't want to go any further (actually she was saying that for about 20 mins to be fair). Sit & drift for a bit (which Jo still finds 'pooky') before turning round & heading in. A little easier heading back towards shore but still have to adjust for the drift away from the hotel. Soon enough we're washed onto the shore by the last of the waves, Jo staggers out of the boat & collapses on the sand, says she knows what Tom Hanks felt like in Cast Away (only she calls him Tom Cruise).
We feel justified in afternoon tea after our harrowing adventure, Jo is a winner with her chicken dinner, I stick with the sticky pancakes. Our mountain climbing compadres are tracking me down one by one as have friend requests from Sarah & Justin. Quick laze in what's left of the afternoon sun before finally returning to the room to wash out the raveges of the sea.
Tonight's lucky establishment is the Golden Bridge (or Golden Arches as Jo insists on calling it). Have a mooch through to see what's on offer, decide to give it a go but the hostess insists she much check the availability, I look passed her quizzically at the one othe couple in the restaurant, horrah they can squeeze us in. We decide not to go for the optional extra of crab, just as well as we see chef beating them to death in his wok. Other than that the rather tough lamb tandoor it's all good & beautifully presented. Escape post desert for a coffee in the outdoor lounge & the delightfully mild evening.
Retire to our room earlier this evening as we're planning to watch the champions league football on the sofa. Tragedy, they're showing the wrong Manchester club! Oh well at least Bayern beat them 3-1, while Utd ground out a draw at Shakhtar Donetsk.
We're up at 7 this morning & a pretty efficient wash & dress sees us down to breakfast for opening time. Reasonably reserved museli & pastries, then back to the room for a final dump (of gear), grab bag then off to reception for our pickup. Scuba Do are waiting just outside the gate for us & are allowed into our compound as we declare our arrival. Luxury taxi for two, in stark contrast to our pick up from Dive Zanzibar. It's a fair distance to their dive centre but the roads are pretty decent & another bit of sightseeing as we watch the locals go about their daily business. Arrive at our sister hotel & plenty of opportunity to compare as we walk through the grounds to the centre. Once there we get our log books checked, kitted out in our gear & meet our dive master & fellow diver. Our trio is made by an affable older American veteran of 400 dives & not the skinny Italian in the white budgie smugglers.
Pretty soon our boat arrives & we're off in the little inflatable for the short trip to our first dive site Shamzi. Chat to our new American friend on the way, he has also just summitted Kili, took him a couple of hours longer than us but well done Gary & missus Gary. Another rear entry as we make for the bottom. There's a pretty strong tide & visibility is not nearly as good as Mnemba. See a couple of lion fish, trigger fish & an octopus. Gary is like a second dive master feretting around all the nooks & crannies in search of marine wildlife, seems to have all the right signs for them too, not that we would know as most of them pass us by (as usual) at the briefing. About 40 min bottom time, 3 min safety stop then it's back to join our air breathing cousins on the surface. The trepedation of hauling ourselves straight into the boat is relieved with the lowering of the ladder.
Back on board we chat to Gary about his safari, then we're speeding off to our next dive site for an efficient use of the no dive stop. We're heading out to the Northern tip of the island & it's great fun speeding along bouncing off the waves, Jo squeals like...well like a girl. The water is still impossibly turquoise & clear even 15 km out to sea. Pretty much jump straight in as we stop & straight to the bottom of Coral Gardens. A little clearer here but still a bit of a current, more bobbing than against you though. Coral here is wonderous, rich varieties & vivid purple, the current washes through the anenemies like wind through the trees. See more lion fish, a scorpion fish, leef fish & a turtle, this time just swimming away into the blue. About 45 mins this time on the bottom, then up & back aboard. It's a short & fun trip back to the centre, where it's out of the sticky wet gear (not the first time Jo's come back wet & sticky after being out with 4 blokes). Quick rinse under the beach shower, or hose pipe as it's known in these parts. Sort out the formalities in the office & book another dive for Saturday. Then as we wander back through the grounds I'm concerned this resort is better than ours, but Jo says she much prefers ours.
Little snooze in the taxi home then decide I need to add another country that has looked at my ears & ask at reception if they know of a doctor. As luck would have it there's one here right now so we see him right now. Quick look in the lugs, gives me some drops, relieves me of a fairly substantial amount of cash & then we're good to go. To be fair my ear is feeling better by the time we get to our room. Download the GoPro footage so we can peruse over afternoon tea, which is well earned & our next stop. Scoff some of the fine offerings, then Jo retires to the last of the sun while I catch up on the world outside. Mel is the latest of the Kili gang to track me down on FB. Us all done we head to the room for a shower, flomp in the jammies for a bit, watch Spurs in the Europa league before heading out to another poolside shindig.
It's a kinda left over barbecue from the other night, supplemented by the buffet. Eclectic but it works & we have three small courses & a couple of Tusker Lights. African music & dance is tonight's entertainment. The dancers are in traditional dress of toppless grass skirts...for the men...and white t shirts & polka dot skirts for the ladies (which is actually just as well). It's a quite enjoyable show while we finish our desert but wisely retire to the coffee lounge before the inevitable audience participation begins. Enjoy yet more lattes & a cheeky ambigious cream liquiour before heading up the hills to bed.
Lay in until 7:30 this morning before trotting down to breakfast. There's rain in the air so being English we take the brolly, just as well as it's a downpour by the time we get to the restaurant. Find a strategically placed table on the edge of the courtyard & trough down on breakfast. The rain fluctuates between constant drizzle & torrents as the less strategic guests scramble for more substantial cover. Still raining as we move from restaurant to cafe where we snare one of the last remaining tables under cover. Catch up on news from The Times, sinking of a migrant ship off the coast of Italy resulting in more than one hundred deaths and news from home via FB & email, Jem has finally tired of writing in the third person via Elliot. Meanwhile Jo has finished her book "The Key", seems like only the other day she started it, girl needs to pace herself. With the rain still unabated, we discuss plans for the day. Next stop is attempt to get decent internet so we can do our charitable giving. The rain finally eases so we plan for a walk out on the beach at low tide. High tide is about neck deep, low tide is almost completely dry & stretches for about 2 km until the breakers on the reef. Alas by this time the tide has started to come in.
As the cloud gives way to the mid day sunshine, we decide that a game of tennis is a capital idea, as I said, being English & therefore completely mad. Collect our gear then it's Raffa Nadal vs Maria Sharapova (we settle on that after I refer to Jo as Martina Navratilova & she responds by calling me Andy Murray). A fairly decent game for the first time either of us have played since the Goa Open in 2009. As the pace of my serve rises along with the prevailing tempature, Jo resorts to tactics of stripping off, resulting in frantic stroking on my side of the court. Meanwhile the match reaches fever pitch with Jo peppering the local gardens (impressive as there's a 5m high fence around the court). Call it a day after an hour & a half, return our kit & pick up some towels for a well earned cool off in the pool.
Dry off in the warm afternoon sun, read more of the paper, I might actually finish The Times today. Jo is by now well into her third book of the tour, "Nothing to Envy; Real lives in North Korea". She regularly interjects with snippets of the truly appalling history of three generations of the IL dynasty. Spot of afternoon tea (papya pancake today), sit by the pool as afternoon turns to early evening, then head upstairs before we turn into a couple of lattes.
Quick freshen before heading out to the traditional Masi market & dance, but first what could be more fitting to an evening of African culture than dinner in the Italian. We have an excellent view of the authentic market from our table, recognise the Masi from the market the other day, resplendent in their traditional Masi white jelly shoes. See our friend Melua giving his sales pitch to uninterested tourists while enjoying a couple of pizzas & beers. Head down to the coffee lounge for a safe vantage point to view preceedings. We sneak down the front once the show is in full swing, get a few pictures of the jumping dance then chat with our friend Melua on the way back (he's too cool to jump). Back in the comfort of our lounge to enjoy a final coffee & liquor before jumping up to bed.
Up once more at the familiar time of 7 o/c & into the familar routine of quick brush up & down to breakfast. Relatively restrained trough this morning, just museli & croissants. Being Saturday though I gorge myself on The Times, downloading the paper & 2 supplements. Quick browse of the paper, then it's on to the critics section to find out what's going on in civilisation. New hard hitting James McAvoy film "Filth", Japanese art exhibition at the British Museum (which we'll team up with their El Dorado display) & of course Australia at the RA. Anyhoo, enough of that we've got a taxi to catch.
Wander to reception & picked up by our friendly chap from Scuba Do for the 30 min ride to the centre. Once there we trott through the grounds, grab our stuff from the stores & pretty much straight on the boat. We're joined today by a couple of Saffa girls, 2 Germanic singles & our divemaster Chris. Short hop to Hunga Reef for our first dive & flop off the back of the boat. Have an intermitable wait at the bottom as the Saffas struggle to get down & the guy just stays on the surface. Eventually the girls join us, never really find out what happened to German guy, maybe he was eaten by a shark. There's a strong current down here & for some reason we're swimming against it, visibility not great either (compared to what we're used to). Have a good dive though, lots of reef fish, some more notable than others. See a pair of enormous bat fish, big & long but quite flat. After about 45 mins we're on the surface & climbing aboard our inflatable.
Head back to base for an unscheduled pickup, the sea life is joining us on the boat rather than the other way round as 3 gigantic sea lions flop onboard...oh sorry it's 3 fat, hairy Germans, but an easy mistake to make. Speed off again to our next dive site, Mwana wa Mwana, off the northern tip of Tambatu Island. It's loads of fun again bouncing off the choppy sea, even more so weighed down by the chubby snorklers. After about 20 mins we're there & taking a backdoor entry. Soon down on the bottom of this shallow reef, about 14m. Current not as strong & we spend a most enjoyable 1 hour bottom time frollicing around the reef. Lots of colourful coral, hard & soft and shoals upon shoals of fish like great clouds engulfing you. Then the highlight of the 2 dives, a really big octopus! Chris directs us to where he's hiding, snuggled up & camoflaged against the rock, then all of a sudden he changes colour, lurches forward, unfurles his legs, forages around for a bit before scuttling back to his nook, changing colour once again to blend in perfectly with his surroundings. Always loved these sephlapod chaps. As the reef is so shallow we have a further forage ourselves during our safety stop, then it's onto the surface & haul ourselves onto the boat like a pair of tuna. The captain casts the net to sweep up the sunburnt Krauts, bobbing aound in the water like great orange bouys. Speed back to the home of the landlubbers & trott on these strange leg contraptions these airbreathers use. Quick hose off, change & fill in our log books before it's time to say a fond farewell to our friends at Scuba Do for the last time.
Pleasant ride back to our resort where we're greeted with cold scented towels & mango cocktails to help us recover from our ordeal. We were only gone half a day but the staff must have missed us. I eagerly set up the GoPro to transfer the octopus video then it's down to afternoon tea man. Sample his fine delights & sit round the pool admiring my handheld handywork. Jo catches a nap while I catch up on the latest from friends new & old with our renewed WiFi account (you gotta think you've hung around a resort too long when your weeks WiFi runs out). Head up to the room for a further relax & tart ourselves up for our night at the Blue Vanilla seafood restaurant to see if we can eat everything we've seen today.
Pleasant walk to the seafood paradise, mild & a little breezy. Order our favourite Tusker Light, but as usual the tightly rationed brew is all gone so plump for the Serengeti. It's rather empty & with no background music the place is lacking in atmosphere, Jo says could really do with some Ibiza chill out music. I summon just the thing out of my magic iPad & soon we're swaying along with the sea breeze. Both order tiger prawns & lobster, as the stand out dishes from a good menu. Get a call from my handsome flying instructor during dinner, funny thing is he calls on Jo's phone & is surprised when I answer. Unfortunately he's got to cancel my lesson when I get back, little dissapointing as Jo just had something come up unexpectedly at the same time, something about humping my flying instructor, sure it's all fine though. Just about finish the last of these fine pair of crustations before turning down desert in favour of the cool outdoor cafe.
Up at 7:30 as is our ritual for our days off (ha, I have the cheek to call it a day off), then down to breakfast about 8 o/c. Usual trough at the various stations, I must say their museli mix is frightfully good. Download The Sunday Times & various suppliments, read about how the latest teenage sensation Januzaj gives Utd a long awaited win at the Stadium of Light. Retire to the lounge for an after breakfast latte before noticing the tide has gone out. Quick trott to the room to grab the camera & sandals for an explore of the shore. Get down to the beach to see the security guards drawing a line in the sand where the hawkers shall not pass. However we must pass to access the beach & when we do the hawkers pounce, one introduces himself as Butch Cassidy, I point out he was a theif but I don't think that's going to change his patter somehow. We can see people all the way out to the reef so we start picking our way through, avoiding as best we can the deeper waters, the irchins & the incesent hawkers, offering us trinkets, tours & safe passage through the tretcherous waters, as well as a number sea creatures plucked from their little homes & thrust under our noses (irchins, sponges & crabs are among the unfortunate beasts). Make it about 2/3 of the way to the reef, about as far as we kayaked the other day, then the rain comes & sweeps across us as we attempt to beat a retreat to the shore. Manage to get a couple of snaps of one of the dows becalmed on the beach & unclaimed by a hawker.
Back in the wet & windswept resort we head to reclaim our stuff, naively left on a sunlounger while we froliced on the beach, but our stuff is nowhere to be seen. Hang around the overcrowded cafe looking for clues, when a French lady tells us that they'e been taken to reception, proving that although uncultured & less intelligent, foreigners can be useful at times. Up at reception they've got my stuff but not Jo's (well it has been over a week since we lost anything), quick change out of our wet clothes in the room then back down to check at the towel room. Towel lady tries to claim my A&F thongs so Jo challenges her to the Cinderella test, she fails & they are returned to their rightful owner. Settled back in the safety of the cafe with all our belongings & enjoy yet more lattes while the last of the rain falls.
Jo throws down the gauntlet for the next sporting adventure, a game of pool. Grab the balls & sticks from towel woman & head for the games room. Tis an interesting challenge, neither being particularly skilled at playing pool on a full sized snooker table, complete with bumps & slopes. Reminds me of my pool table in the garage back home in Oz, except this one didn't have orange bags for pockets. A close fought couple of frames with Jo using all her guile of bending over / leaning over the table. With pool exhausted we retire to the cafe for astonishingly more lattes & catch up on the world. Mel has sent me her diary of the Kili trek, a really good read & insight into her 20 hour marathon summit & decent. Amusing story about a woman splashing her face from the toilet bowl in Addis Adaba. Try to upload one of my wide angle shore scapes to Instragram & make it look arty like the posers do, doesn't work out. Jo enjoys a sit in the late afternoon sun while reading yet another book on her Kindle.
Back up to the room for a freshen up & catch most of the Morgan Freeman kidnap thriller we saw part of the other day, it's a bit lame but a delightful distraction while laying in the cool of the room. Dinner tonight is the Italian again, order two Tusker Lights again, they're all gone again. Order lasagne, it's cold, send it back, eventually returns once the solar powered microwave has done its trick. It's pretty good to be fair though, as is their interpretation of tiramisu. Retire once more to the cool poolside cafe where we enjoy lattes & cream liquiours while watching the acrobatic show from a distance. Finally it's bedtime that draws an action packed day to an end.
Laze for a delightful 10 mins after the alarm goes off, then into the routine for the last time ofwash, brush up & down to breakfast. Hmm what to have for the last breakfast, museli & pancakes wins by a short nose from the other fine offerings. Wander to our cafe for the last after breakfast lattes. Check in for our BA flights, then up to reception to print them off. Bit of a faff there as I send them to four different email addresses before the chap emerges with our beloved boarding passes. Ask the delightful receptionist when we need to check out, she says we can stay in our room until our transfer at 4 o/c, free of charge. This is a great result as it means we can pretty much have a full day in the resort without having to worry about anything. Good work from Diamond Dreams, very pragmatic & flexible in contrast to most other hotels that point blank refuse even when they're far from full (yes I mean you The Westin in Whistler). Speaking of full, the resort has had several big groups arrive by coach, all with their passports confiscated & some dreadful tour rep taking care of them.
Back to the room where it takes us about 20 mins to pack, the it's down to the pool for a coffee followed by a swim. It's hot & sunny today so possibly the best swim of the holiday as the waters swallow us & cool us down. Quick dry in the sun then it's off to find out what lunch offerings we've missed all week. There's Indian, grilled fish man & best of all sushi village, not just for their fine raw fish offerings but for the most stunning Tanzanian waitress. People keep speaking German to me (I'm guessing because the sun has bleached my hair even lighter, even though I'm wearing a team GB shirt), which I have no problem with other than I can't undstand what they're saying. We chat to some German fellow sushi diners who are either amazed or offended we offer them tuss as a farewell. Back to the cafe for another latte while Jo soaks up the last of the African rays.
Back to the room for for the last time for a refreshing shower, final pack away of bits & bobs then watch a Greenland documentary on Al Jazira until its pick up time. Mjaja accompanies us to the airport, giving us a guided tour along the way (as well as views on Man Utd team selection, get him & Hussain together, you'd never shut them up). Arrive at the airport, bit of a hiccup as the driver can't open the tailgate. He tries to get 2 rows of seats down to drag the cases through but a passing fella gives it an extra tug & she opens. Unfortunately so is the red case with a busted zip. Pre airport check, followed by luggage & people scan before wrapping the case in celophane & queue for the desk. Precision Air check in chap checks our bags all the way to Heathrow, now why couldn't BA do that at T5?!? We were expecting to pick them up & check them in again at Nairobi, this will be a whole lot easier (until we're staring at an empty baggage carousel at Heathrow). Next stop is departure tax, which we weren't expecting (there was no tax leaving Kili airport) & is astronomical at $45 each or in our case all the money we have in all currencies, which seemed about £10 short. Quick buzz round the duty free & pick up some last minute stuff & while away some time before the flight. Soon enough on board the rather efficient Precion Air & soon away. Too dark to hope for any last sight of Kili so read the inflight magazine, little tea, double helpings for me as it contains cucumber.
Touch down in Nairobi, up the stairs to international transfers. It's all rather chaotic, but not as bad as I'd feared after the fire, we're not in tents anyway. Wander down the single corridor seeing what's available, get a call for BA passengers to report to the gate, which we're adjacent so comply. Me - "Why did you call us"; Check in guy - "come through";-"but the flights not for 3 hours";-"we have refreshments & WiFi";-"Erm ok, but where's the lounge";-"burnt down";-"ok, smoking area";-"burnt down too, it was next to the lounge";-"righty ho, through here is it". We then go through one set of people & bag scanners, followed by exactly the same people & body scanners, they're both manned, quite bizzare. Now I gather BA have split the gate in 2, one crowded sided for the riff raff, the other for us with snack boxes, all else seems pretty much the same. Ho hum, sit & potter for a couple of ours then.
Watch the BA crew sail past, some talent in there worthy of my charm (or what I perceive as charm). Then we're called a full hour & a half before take off & Jo doesn't want to waste another minute as she races down the trunk towards the Union Jack carpet & the sound of Rule Britannia emminating from the cabin. Get settled in our seats & watch the great unwashed trundle passed. A couple of backpacker guys go by looking for their seats, Jo comments, "really, does this look like where you normally sit?". Finally have a glass of champagne, for the first time since we were celebrating Kili at the Weru Weru lodge. We have an all male cabin troupe, oh well the charm worked in that sushi restaurant in NY.
Take off pretty much on time & decide to get straight into a film to allow beddy time after dinner. After much debate we plump for Now You See Me, as I remember great fun trailer but not good reviews, we risk it though. Have my first decent G&T since the flight out, but the incompetent steward runs out of Tanqueray after one round (guess the gluttons drank it all on the way out, people like my friend & me). Dinner is good, salmon starters, beef mains & a bit of a non descript pudding. Meanwhile the film is kinda fun in places as long as you don't spend even a nano second thinking about it, but tis a silly film & so twee at the end a bit of sick comes up in my mouth. With that done we recline, pull up the blanky & try to get some sleep. We both lay for a bit, not sure what time we packed down but must have got some shut eye amidst a fair bit of tossing. Breakfast is served, why do BA give you your croissant before your bacon roll? It's all quite good though & I enjoy while watching the 10th anniversary special of Mythbusters, their 3rd attempt at the JATO rocket car. Jo watches Ratatouille. FO comes over the PA to inform us 20 mins to landing so the over officious cabin queens are putting everything up & away, we both crane round to see our video screens to catch the end of our respective entertainment.
Touch down 10 mins early at 6:10 but it takes the stair master 10 mins to fire her up & drive over to the plane (yes that's stairs & yes we are in London, not some regional African airport). File on to the bus for a journey so long I begin to think we've landed at Gatwick. Off the bus & onto Border Control where there is no (yes no) queue, then onto the trepadation of baggage reclaim. I'm just saying there's no hope our bags will arrive when I can already see the Snow & Rock bag. Bit of a wait for the red case until we realise it's lost it's clingfilm (will have to wait till we get home to see what else we've lost). Right, all very smooth so out we got & separate as Jo gets the coffees & I get the car. Jo meets me in the valet office & we're off on the M25 by 7 o/c. M25 is astonishingly clear & we're round to the A13 by 8 o/c where we run into the rush hour traffic (that we will be part of tomorrow), just before our turn off & home by 8:20.
So yet another adventure comes to an end & what an adventure it was. How would I sum it up...The lost case dominated our early days but we found out what great people we were trekking with as a result. Am I glad it happened then, no. Great trek, so pleased we went with Jon after our chance meeting in Nepal. Leading expeditions is not his job, it's his life, he does it brilliantly & seemingly effortlessly. The first 4 days are just a bit of a walk, long & tough in places with basic camping but a fairly easy trek. Summit day is propper hard though, long, tough & exhausting but a fantastic feeling when reaching the top & great views. Definitely better doing it with a small group for the banter & commeradery. Zanzibar was brilliant, a real idyllic island paradise with crystal clear waters. Not much else to do other than diving & relaxing, which is exactly what we did, but the diving was world class.
Getting around was a bit of a faff, back & forward through Nairobi, everyone else on the trek had similar multiple connections to the UK. This makes it a bit more stressful & there's no question things work differently in Africa, but everything worked, I found Precision Air very efficient & in hindsight the bag crisis was more to do with not checking it though in London. We found the African people warm & friendly, difficult to get a real sense as most were providing a service in one form or another but from the honesty & friendship of the guides & porters seemed very genuine.
So if your thinking of climbing Kilimanjaro then do it, definitely do it. If you can, do it with JCG Expeditions www.jcgexpeditions.co.uk
https://www.facebook.com/pages/JCG-Expeditions/344014572293722?fref=ts
Should you go to Zanzibar, if you like great diving & / or relaxing with lovely weather in beautiful surroundings then stay on the North or North East coast. It suited us as an add on to Kili & is only one connection away from Heathrow. Will we do all 7 summits, I don't know, there are some long & very expensive expeditions. Will we do more of the 7 summits, abso-bloody-lutely!
Feeling rather dusty this morning after the 18 hour day at work yesterday & the 8 cups of coffee to keep me going. What happened to the days you went out for a drink the night before going on holiday? No matter, it's what pays for the trips to Whistler. Get out at 9 & head to le Moulin for breakfast, chat to le Madame about President Hollande's, shall we say, indiscretions. Next stop my oldies to wish my old mum well before her operation this afternoon. They're in good spirits which makes us feel better in abandoning them, promise my dad that Jo's mum (Edna) will be round with food parcels. Head home to sort out JT's voicemail, write a few last mails, wrap James' presents & the final collect of things.
Set off at 1 o/c, half hour behind schedule but make good time round the M25 & pull up to valet parking at 2:10. All smooth check in & security, head for shopping next. Bit of a sunglass browse, grab some perfume & Kahlua then head for the sanctity of the lounge. Bit of a mixed bag at the lounge, no hot food but red velvet cake. Settle with some sandwiches & a G&T while "checking us in". About to transfer the obligitory hourse lamp photo when I realise I haven't packed my iPad photo transfer kit. Nothing else for it, finish our snacks & leave the sanctity of the lounge for Dixons, where we also pick up a padlock & a set of speakers. Dash back to the lounge for a coffee & red velvet cake (it was worth it). Heading off to the gents, I hear a lost Blackberry announcement, don't think I've lost mine but immediately check my pockets (as you do) & sure enough it's not there. Find JT, double check it's not around & head to the desk. They do have a Blackberry that looks like mine, but they are cautious at handing it over unverified. Jo says there's a picture of her on the home screen, trouble is its a bikini shot & her face isn't clear, Jo offers to strip off to confirm the body but they're convinced by now. Dash off all the way to C gates, where there is no lounge but our boarding passes get us free booze at Starbucks ?!? No need for that we're straight on the plane, upstairs & champagned up. We're in the seats next to the flight deck & as I'm peering in Jo casually (but cleverly) mentions I'm interested as a trainee pilot, so I'm invited to join the pre flight checks & have a chat. Really nice guys on deck, have a great chat about flight training, where you can land a 747 & doors flying open in Cessnas. Meanwhile Mark, the senior FO, is showing Jo the flight crew bedrooms. I'm really chuffed to be on the flight deck & even getting to sit in the captain seat & pose for photos. I waste no time in telling Michaela's Scott who is very jealous. Eventually JT returns, don't know what took her so long, sure it's all fine though. Get settled & take off is smooth (well I guess they felt the pressure with an extra pilot on board).
Once in the air we settle on watching The Worlds End through dinner, accompanied by many Kia Royales & several G&Ts. Not a classic Pegg / Frost combination but good fun all the same (hang on wouldn't Nick Frost be a more fitting film star simmilie for Danny than Jason Statham!). Dinner meanwhile is all good, excellent crayfish salad to start, Jo feels the beef was a little too well done (the girl like her meat fresh), the chocholate cheesecake with caramel sauce was absolutely amazing. Jo & I decide to go our separate ways, movie wise, at this point. Jo plumps for The Butler, I go for Rush, which is a spectacular film. The true story line is wonderfully exciting, brilliantly acted & stunning cinematography. Of course I knew about Niki Lauder's horrific burns sustained in his accident at Nurenburg but had no idea he returned to racing 41 days later in the same season. All down hill movie wise fom there, watch the first half of Kick Ass 2 (pretentious Time movie critic was right, it's silly & lacks any of the intrigue of the first), then The Conjuring (far too slow & disjointed). Top Gear saves my sanity for 30 mins while afternoon tea is served, no scones though, what is BA coming to.
Smooth landing in Vancouver by my new buddy Chris, through to a bit of a queue before arriving at the farce of baggage reclaim, which unfortunately is becoming a regular occurrence at our favourite Canadian destination. Pick up mail from my dad while we're waiting, sounds like mum's operation went well & the tough old bird is doing well. Finally our skis come out & we're on our way chatting about which one of Brooke's family will be there to meet us. It is family friend Bill this time & we're soon in his truck, winding our way though the familiar sights of the city before entering the dark winding roads towards our skiing Mecca.
Bill delivers us safely & the staff welcome us with open arms. Short pit stop in the room & out to get supplies. It's cold out but hardly a trace of snow in the village. Down in the grocery store we know exactly what we want & as we go there more often than our local shop we know exactly where everything is. Back in the room for a very efficient unpack, followed by some cereal & toast while Jo finds us some Resident Evil for bedtime viewing.
G&Ts - 3
Champagne - 4
Smokes - 2
Actually Jem, Oliver is with us, he flirted with the stewardess on the flight out, skied black runs today & bought Elliot a new Polar Paul today. Whoever that child is on your doorstep, you should probably call his mother.
Thanks to the strict no nap routine on the flight we pretty much sleep through to 7 o/c. Get straight up, clean teeth, shave & ready to head down to one of the holiday favourites, the first day Westin breakfast. It's not the cheapest by any stretch but by golly it is good. We have 4 fairly reserved courses, all tasty, full but not overstuffed. Back up to the room where we get stretched & ready. Jo skips across skiers plaza to the lifts, thanks to her new Scarpa hike & ski boots. There's a bit of a queue at Whistler but we're soon in the gondola. Get chatting to an instructor, originally from Iran & we have a fine discussion on the changing powers in his old country, from the puppet president installed by the British & Americans to the currrent Ayatollah supported political leader. Anyhoo, out at the Roundhouse which is warm & bathed in brilliant sunshine. Ready for the first run of the year & the first in our new boots, have a good old adjust of everything then we're ready for the off.
First run of the season is down Ego Bowl to the Emerald Chair, up again for more of the same, except we peel off down the mogul blue Cogar Trails. There's a sign at the top of the run to watch out for hazards, presumably the piste is littered with older women hitting on younger men. After the first three runs my feet are really hurting, terrible after the first run, a little better after loosening my bindings but still a bit painful. I put this down to the Intuition liners which are molded to your feet, everyone says they're the best so probably just need to break them in. Back up & off the other side where we crusie down until picking up Jimmy's Joker, the run chosen as the first black of the trip, it's hard, lumpy & icy, not going to win run of the day. Up the Holmes (Big Red) Express, then run down the Legendary Dave Murray where we get chatting to a big family of Aussies, the whole lot wiped out by one of the daughters, they're looking for The Chic Pea, as it's our favourite hut on the mountain we give them detailed directions. Next into the icy Tokem then up the Garbanzo for a great run down the super fast Raven.
Quick stop in the Raven's Nest for a coffee & a treat before planning our next adventures, it's up to the peak for us. Jo decides that since we're a few hours into our first trip for a year, it would be gay (which is fine) to take either of the blues of the peak so takes us into Whistler Bowl straight off the back of the chair. It's not too bad to be fair, bit of a slide from the entrance then its good fun turning in the steep pow. Now I appreciate many have the impression of JT as a bit of a plan ahead, safety first stickler, but put her in the snow & she becomes a ski junky. I'm half way down & Jo's a dot in the distance. I'm cursing her because a) my legs are killing me b) she's skied passed the runs that bring you back to the piste so c) we're committed to this all the way down (see a)). Decide I can't be a whelk so charge through the pow to catch her up. Jo compliments my off piste style, then 50m on I fall on my face. We plow down through Doom & Gloom and into Grande Finale, it's actually a pretty good set of runs in good conditions but heavy & as I said my legs are killing me, so a few more falls ensue. Back at the Holmes, Jo asks if I'm up to a final run, of course, I'm not gay (but of course it would be fine if I was). Take another fine run down Raven, then into our familar home run into Crabapple (which has several jumps added), Northern Lights & down to the village. Slower than normal but make it in one piece.
Really fancy a beer but have got to get out of these boots, so settle for a Starbucks back in our room. Strip off to my baselayers, all sweaty & my foot really red. Jo strips down to her pants & parades in front of the boarders coming down the steps outside. Summon up the energy to head to the spa which is infested with screaming children. We find sanctity in the sauna until we're loosened up & nicely steamed.
Quick change in the room & head out for a quick stop in the pharmacy for some nicorette patches (left mine at home somehow) & see if they have any First Defence nasal spray. They don't have such a thing in Canada but the Pharmacist looks it up to find something with the same active ingredient but apprenetly there is nothing in it, just a gel to trap the gunk. Still think it works for me through, just don't know why now. Over to the Keg as is our first night tradition, delightfully pretty English girl gives us a 15-30 min wait which we use effectively getting me some cooler gloves & browsing socks to satisfy the requests from all maner of children. Back in the Keg & we're straight up to our booth & straight into the honey beers, which are sunk almost immediately. Doesn't take long for dinner to be chosen, ordered or delivered. Jo has a very bloody sirloin, I have a delicate Filet & since I spurn the various potato products I have room for a mini brownie desert. Jo has passed out in the booth while I finish my desert & my coffee. This is not unusual for Jo to fall asleep over dinner (or actually any woman that goes out with me), but this time she is proper unconcious.
I carry Jo back to the Westin where she gets undressed & into bed without actually waking up. I attempt to write the blog in bed but after the first paragrah, I keep waking up to find I've written "pooooooooooohhheeeeaaaaaddddd" or "buuuuuutterbum". Nothing else for it, lights out at 9:30.
Fall count
Rob 4
Jo 4
It was 3-1 to Jo before she took me down Whistler Bowl
Beer aggregate - 3
Smoke count - 3
Despite going to sleep at 9:30 last night, manage to sleep through till 6:30 & a little snuggle before the 7am alarm when JT hoofs me out to make her breakfast. A delightful oatmeal, toast, juice & coffee is served while we listed to Classic FM, thanks to the 5 day free WiFi I blagged from reception. No Resort TV this season, don't really know why, the station is there but no ones home. Although the presenters were rather annoying, it did occasionally have something useful to say. Funny having Classic FM telling you its 4 in the afternoon when it's 8 in the morning. Take time out of our routine to complete the blog before we fall too far behind & I get complaints from Jemma.
Get out to the gondola at 9:30, bit of a queue but it moves quickly. Chat to some guys in the lift, everyones talking about the lack of snow this year. The guys are saying that it hasn't been this bad since 2005, which was the year before we started coming, which shows how lucky we've been. Head straight for the peak, get a few snaps of the glorious sunshine before shooting down the lightning fast Saddle & back in the peak queue. Feet are better than yesterday, thanks possibly to stuffing socks in my boots last night, but still hurting. Regardless, we head back for the Whistler Bowl & over to Shale Slope. Somehow I'm skiing well, making lots of turns in the tough stuff, but my feet are killing me now. Jo, having read the instructions for my boots, comes up with the idea of taking my foot bed out. Sounds like a great idea but we have to ski down to the Holmes, which nearly kills me, but doesn't & hey whatever doesn't kill you. It's 12 o/c when we get back to the Roundhouse, which is a zoo so more skiing to get to the (hopefully) quieter Chic Pea. I take my boots off, my foot beds out & JT returns with a cinibun to cheer me up. Chat to some old codgers over lunch, bless them.
Time to head out & see if this has made a difference. I suggest the Dave Murray, Jo sensibly thinks Ego Bowl is a better first run. It is definitely feeling better, not like my feet are being crushed, which is always nice. Quite a queue at the Emerald chair but we're soon back up to the Roundhouse & heading over to Harmony. Wizz round & down the super fast GS, still feeling better, then into the new Harmony 6 seater express which copes very well with the rather busy (but not manic) queues at the lift. Head for Harmony Ridge off the top, although I take us further & further off piste until we end up in Boomer Bowl, a tough but good run down this steep pow pitch. I attempt to guide us away from the steep gnarly Gun Barrells, JT says she can see the piste from the other side so heads over to find it. Only there's a cliff in between so it's down Gun Barrells after all. Back up Harmony where Jo gets tangled up with a bloke coming off the chair & they all end up in a heap, I escape unscathed. Down Pikka's Traverse, then pick an off piste route to Back Bowl & back to the Emerald via the long road, Sidewinder. Back up to the Roundhouse to plot the route home of Dave Murrary, into Tokem, Crabapple & the run to the village.
Legs burning, feet aching but much better than yesterday. Head over to Starbucks, Jo orders a white chocolate moccha & gets told off for bringing her poles into the coffee emporium. I make fun of the guy telling her off & he feels rather awkward. Jog back to the room to flomp on the sofa & scoff some chocolate horded from Christmas. Decide a spa will loosen up the aching limbs so head down to the child infested area & duck straight into the sauna. 15 mins of steaming later Jo says she's had enough, just as three beefcakes wander in. 10 mins later there's still no sign of JT exiting, even though she's now wetter than an otters pocket. Back in the room, Jo finally returns, bright red, dripping with salty fluids & exhausted (sure it's all fine though). Try in vain to find out who's playing at Dusty's tonight, but the Whistler favourites, The Hair Farmers are in the GLC so decide that's our venue for this evening.
Rock up at the GLC Round 7:15, expecting it to be spilling out onto the patio, with the BC legends The Hair Farmers playing. The place is only half full, when it's usually pretty lively at any time, especially a Saturday night. The waiter explains there's something going on with the kids this weekend, being Dr Martain Luther King holiday weekend. On the plus side, plenty of tables so we settle with a couple of honey beers, a ginormous plate of nachos & the hockey on 25 screens around the bar. Tonight the Vancouver Bear Rimmers play the Calgary Cunning Stunts. So with the Rimmers down 2-1, nachos demolished, 2 GLC burger & 5 pints of honey larger downed & the clock ticking past 9:30 we decide the Hair boys have missed their chance. We've waited longer for A list Indie artists at major venues like The Forum in Kentish Town!
Stuffed & a little tipsy in the cold night air we stumble back to the hotel. Jo's in bed before you can say Here's Johnny as I attempt to write the blog. Woke up this morning to find "redrum...redruM...REDRUM" written in the blog, sure it's not sign of demonic possession though.
Fall count
Rob 6 (2)
Jo 6 (2)
Beer aggregate - 8
Smoke count - 2
Sleep through till 7 o/c when Jo demands feeding again, not sure what she's done with the 10kgs of food she devoured at GLC last night. Anyhoop, oatmeal & toast is served while listening to our Sunday morning staple of Classic FM, sadly no Aled Jones or LLB. Speak to my mum, who is out of hospital & although still sounds croaky from the anestetic is in good spirits, good luck to my dad to get her to stay still for 6 weeks! Jo suggests getting my boots looked at on the way out but I say I'll see how it goes again. Fortunately sensibility comes to me while I brush my teeth so we just get our civies on & down to the boot fitting centre downstairs. Downstairs directs us to the better equiped fitting service over in the Salomon shop. An impressively mostachioed man gets me up on the bench & starts work. Doesn't take him long to work out that my feet are too wide for these boots. My Scarpa Maestrale are one of only two boots capable of trekking for 12 hours & then turning to ski (I tried the others on too) so not exactly much of an option for the wider footed gent. Our hirstute friend can, however, sort me out with some custom boot widening. He's rather less accomadating with Jo's flirtatious moustache compliments, but once he spies my Red Bull F1 jacket we struggle to get him focused back on the boots for relaying technical details of the RB7 dominance this season. He also explains the reason for the marauding youths in the village is that as well as being MLK day in the US, the drinking age in Canada is 19 (rather than 21 in the US) so hordes of them decend over the boarder to drink, party & generally go crazy. All this we understand, but there must be a lot cheaper places to do it in than Whistler!
Head to the shops while moustache man remodels my boots, first stop is the Lulimen store to try again to replace my favourite pair of trousers lost in the ill-fated 2011 Holmes cricket match. The fit, flirty girl does all she can to find the right pair for me, even daring me to try on the womens pants, "I'm always trying to get into women's pants" I say, she playfully punches me in the arm (it's kinda hard & I turn away so she doesn't see me cry). Jo sends me out after this to check on my boots while she orders them in. Try on boots, still not wide enough, but facial hair man has more tricks up his sleave than Adrian Newey. We're off again for a quick pitstop at the hotel, report our grievences to the chubby girl at concierge, useless, repeat to the front desk that our diswasher was filthy & we now can't make head nor tail of the TV (there are 74 chanels, no guide to what's on & adverts every 5 mins), sympathetic but what can she do. So I casually ask for our free 5 day WiFi code & she gives us a code for the rest of our stay, result. Next stop is a spot of lunch & a visit to Whistler Alpine Guides to get the run down on what back country tours they offer. Pretty good chat to the Doris there & on to the more serious outdoor shops down the end of the village. Sparse selection of crampons but get directed to another store on the way back, who unfortunately don't know one end of an ice axe from another, oh well at least we have our friends at Snow & Rock.
Back at the Salomon shop, upper lip furniture boy has sorted my boots out a treat. Also mention to him I think my boots are too far forward, resulting in burning my legs out. He points out there are two modes on the boots & I must have had them in downhill racer mode all day...for two days. Boots & a new pair of socks done we head out again. Back into Lulimen for some girls pants, this time for Jo. Pants secured, I'm zipping up my pocket when it breaks & within seconds the never ending supply of cute, bubbly girls are swarming round my open zipper. The increadibly cute blonde girl from Reading suggests I get out of my pants there & then, I pause for a second thinking this is too good to be true before realising I should change into a pair from the shop while she attends to what's going on in my pants. Trouser incident over we head back to the hotel where I take a cold shower & watch Airplane Repo on the iPad & have a nice cup of tea.
Time for dinner then, nothing too grubby as we've done no exercise today, other than walk up & down the village 5 times. It's Sushi Village then, via a quick glance at the Fire & Ice show and another stop in the Salomon shop to pick up the wonderfully soft mittens JT has been coveting and a chat to the chap at Extreme Canadian. Recount bringing the Whistler novices & sushi virgins here last winter. Sushi is all good, tempura, nigiru & soft shell crab are delicious. Speaking of delicious, Lulimen Reading girl is in the next booth, must be stalking me! Anyhoo, sushi slain & blonde rebuffed we head back to the Westin without a hope of finding anything on TV.
So far Jo has talked my way in to the pilot's seat, rescued my feet by telling me to take my foot bed out & talked me into getting my boots professionally adjusted. Even if she did sleep with the three jocks from the sauna, she would still be in credit.
Fall count
Rob 6 (0)
Jo 6 (0)
Beer aggregate - 11
Smoke count - 2
Sleep through again till just before the alarm at 7, I go in for a snuggle, Jo says where's my breakfast, I get up. Have a bit of XFM as it's a weekday & the toast is switched for muffins. Watch the 6 mins headline summary from Sky News, pretty good feature but nothing really happened yesterday, oh apart from there's a probe that the ESA is planning to land on a comet, P49 or something. Jo rings home to find out how her old dad got on with his test, gets the run down from Edna, then a call back from her dad to fill in the finer details. Washed up, dressed & ready to resume battle with my feet & my boots.
Jog across the plaza to the Blackcomb gondola for, after 4 days, our first trip on the other side. First run down Ross' Gold boots are feeling immediately better. Another run down Springbaord, it's hard, super fast & I get air on every roller on the way down, well that is until I lose a ski, keep going on one until I get air again & it all goes horribly wrong, but I do manage to pick up most of my stuff as I fly past it. Must have been a sight for the lift line though. Back to the lift ourselves & time for a pit stop at the Rendezvous for boot adjustments. Despite moustache man's best endeavours, my foot bed has to come out. Back out for another run down Springboard, maybe I should focus on my technique while my boots bed in rather than flying down as fast as possible out of control (now there's a novel idea). Feeling better & getting more controlled we have a couple of runs down the lightning fast black, Catskinner, always a good run with great views of the top terrain park on the way back up.
Time to head over to 7th Heaven, which is bathed in sunshine, warm, verging on hot! Take several glorious runs down Panorama, Hugh's Heaven & Cloud Nine. It's all I can do to peal JT off the piste & into the hut for a tea break. Have a delicious apple struddle while I negotiate F1 tickets with Rach & Jeff. Time to head off the back & try our hand on the other side. I threaten Jo with False Face, the infamous, narrow, rocky double diamond my instructor was going to take me down last year (goodness knows what it would be like with half the snow now). Anyhoo, pick our way off piste & onto Blue Line & into a decidedly rocky Dakine (well I take it, Jo has more sense). This really is seriously rocky, so pick my way at the top, get a bit of a run going in the middle, then steady through more rocks at the bottom. We're begining to appreciate that with the snow base half the 6 metre average, there's gonna be a heck of a lot more trees & bolders coming through. Make our way along Crystal Road to the new express chair, then it's up for another & back mid mountain to plot our route home. Start with another run down Catskinner, Upper Gear Jammer, lower section is closed due to lack of snow, so after a quick check with the Solar Coaster liftie we head down Green Line, pretty much the only run available to Whistler village. So down past the tube park & through the heavy artificial snow & into the village.
Drop our skis at the valet & wander over to Starbucks, where I have to leave JT outside before she causes more pole palarva with the barista. Back in the room to enjoy our coffee before heading down to the spa to ease our over worked muscles. Trouble is the hot tubs are rammed with kids & the sauna is rammed with fatties. Have a little sit but there's no sign of movement so back up for a nice shower with no fatties or screaming children (well apart from Jo screaming no, no, not that again!). Have the most delightful relax on the bed, in the jammies, watching Airplane Repo, if it wasn't so chilly in the room, may well have dozed off till morning.
Tonight's lucky establishment is Earls, renowned for their ribs & hot waitresses (well so Tony tells me). Hostess is indeed as fit as a butchers dog, unfortunately she has the face of one too. Order a pitcher of Albino Rhino, I go for the chicken breast, Jo has that as a side to her side of beef. I make a play for Jo's coleslaw, she growls (in a Bristol accent) "torch mye fooood, feel mye foorke!". I tell her I'm going for the vegatables not the meat, this calms her but she keeps a close watch on me. Thanks to my reserved mains I can indulge in their excellent sticky toffee pudding, which is indeed excellent. I teach the leggy waitress to make a macchiato, both are all good.
Wander back through the calm of the village, with the drunken hordes of kids that were spilling out of the Longhorn & other such bars have gone back to school (or whatever 19 year olds do in the US). Back in the room, Jo finds a weather report that says we're going to have snow tomorrow, we both decide that's the forecast we're going to believe. Blog finished & details for F1 sent to Rach, sleep soon to follow.
Fall count
Rob 8 (2)
Jo 6 (0)
Beer aggregate - 15
Smoke count - 3
Dr Dwohmo Speed Stats
Distance - 74.33 km
Top speed - 69 km/h
Just getting warmed up
Alarm goes off at 7am as usual, I turn away pretending I haven't heard it, this just gives JT the opportunity to place her foot in the small of my back & hoof me out of bed. I soon whip (emphasise the H) up a feast of oatmeal & muffins. Check on news from home & the world via the media of Sky News summary, The Times, email, Facebook & text. More going on in the family world than news world.
Get out to the Whistler gondola in good time, bit of a queue but that's mainly the lack of snaking & narrow lines. Get chatting to a chap from Guilford in the gondola, who's dressed as a pirate, a skiing pirate at that. Once at the roundhouse we have a couple of warm up runs down the Dave Murray. I decide that the ankle support I've put on to, well, support my ankle, is affecting my dodgy foot. So quick pitstop in the roundhouse for a coffe & reconfigure of foot supports then its back out on the mountain. Up the Peak chair then down the perennially steep & narrow Saddle before heading back up for some bowl adventures. The entrance to Whistler Bowl has, not surprisingly, got rather more gnarly over the last couple of days, more rocks & deeper, steeper grooves in the ice. We negotiate this all successfully, along with the man eating moguls at the top. Make our way slowly through the steep moguls & over towards Shale Slope but take a higher line so end up just picking our way though the rocks & make our own route down past the resoviour & back to the chair. Up for some more bowl, more confident this time, that is until I hear a familiar cry out as I turn to see JT hurtling towards me down the steep slope. It's quite a spectacular fall but as usual she's not phased, dusts herself down & carries on. Make our way into the bowl of Shale Slope, where I'm skiing with great skill, Jo compliments me on my neat, sharp turns all the way down, until you guessed it, I take a spectacular tumble myself. Pick myself up, empty the snow that has inhabited all my orifices & carry on. We head down past the peak chair, into Fish Eye, Franz & along to the Holmes Express. On the way back up we spot a bra & panties in the trees, there's something you don't see every day. Take the run down to the Chic Pea for a well earned spot of lunch. Sandwich & salad for me, soup for the lady. The mountain is decidedly not busy, with the yanks back home, the lack of snow putting off the locals from visiting, it seems mainly us long haul tourists that are inhabiting the wide open spaces. Catch up on news from home, Kayla says the heating is busted but on the plus side Scott has booked tickets for Silverstone.
Head down Dave Murray, back up the Holmes to get a closer look at the undies, which do look remarkably like a Victoria Secrets set that Jo has (or had). Back down Dave, into Tokem & up the Garbanzo. Head down the steep ungroomed Raven & into the Ptarmigan race zone. The top of Ptarmigan is a monster, plans to shoot straight down evaporate soon after pushing off as I chicken out & put in a couple of turns, then into the still groomed corduroy of lower Ptarmigan. Back up to do it all again as part of our run home, Jo gives the hard steep Ptarmigan a miss, then we meet up in the lower sections. Follow the familiar run home down Crabapple, I give some kid playing silly buggers a wide berth, only for him to ski straight into me as we cross into Northern Lights. It's not a bad fall by any stretch & my first thought is the kid ok (he didnt even fall), then it will mean I'm one ahead in the fall count rather than being level. But then I feel my knee, it was a an awkward fall & I've twisted the same knee I did getting out of my plane. The kid is old enough to know better, but what can you do. Anyhoo, make it down to the village without calling for the St Bernard & even make it round for coffee.
Back inthe room take the precaution of elevating my knee & packing it with ice. It's rather stiff when I get up so put some ibuprofen gell & knee support on after my shower. Decide it's high time we went to Brandy's for some beer & hockey. Enjoy some lighter bites while watching the Vancouver Bear Rimmers beat the Edmonton Budgie Smugglers 2-0 (well that was the score with 5 mins left). I try to sneak out while JT is asleep but she rouses just in time & we hobble back to the room together.
Fall count
Rob 10 (2)
Jo 9 (3)
Beer aggregate - 18
Smoke count - 2
Mikey Dwomoh Official Stats
Distance - 56.91 km
Top speed - 98.3 km/h
Ave speed - 13 km/h
Descended - 6,336m
Alarm goes off at 7 o/c ready for the possibility of skiing, but due to my restless & rather painful night I already know that that's not happening. As I am somewhat incapacitaded & JT is unwilling to make breakfast we decide to console ourselves in the delights of the Westin. Breakfast is of course delightful & leisurely as I catch up on world news. The amazing blueberry pancakes do cheer me up somewhat, until that is I see everyone piling out towards the piste. Get ourselves together & head to the Whistler Medical Centre to see what the quack has to say about (or aboot as they say in Canada) my knee. Dr gives my knee a good fondle before anouncing I've torn my medial ligament & my ski season is over. She sends me off to the physio to have my brace & crutches fitted. I toy with the idea of keeping this news to myself & tell Jo we can head up this afternoon, but think better of it. Head up to Peak Performance Physiotherapy (seems wasted on me) where I'm given an appointment for 1 o/c.
Have a bit of a browse & shop before my appointment, I'm a bit numb & could do with something to keep my mind off the news. Soon enough my appointment comes round & I head in to see Meg. Meg is the second woman today to handle my bits, she does so with great skill anouncing that I've only got a 25% tear, my groin muscles having absorbed part of the impact (my overdeveloped groin muscle due to hold my enormous package Meg may have said...in an alternative universe). I could, possibly be back skiing with a brace by the end of the weekend. She also swaps out the brace in favour of some well placed tape. Bit of a roller coaster ride of a day so far, from maybe a day or so off skis, to 6 weeks to next week (possibly). Don't quite skip out of there but at least my chin isn't scraping on the floor.
Get a bit more shopping in with presents to buy & time to kill. Head up to the Salomon shop to cheer myself up with a pair of their Mt Elbrus boots (they were meant to be). Next stop is the ticket office to see if we can trade in the next few days of lift tickets. Fortunately you can as apparently I'm not the first person to pick up an injury skiing.
Back to the room for a bit of a rest of the knee after a fair bit of walking this afternoon. Find Dragon's Den Canadia, which will do fine while I get my leg over (the poof that is, I mean foot stool, what's the matter with you). Do my exercises, then head down to the gym for some light bike training as prescribed by Meg, trouble is all bikes are occupied & the spa is still full of screaming kids so no intention of waiting around. Back up to the room for more leg exercises before heading out to dinner.
Short walk to GLC, but quite a lot of stairs. Really quiet tonight, no hockey on but a cool ski video with chill out music, so we're pretty chilled. Kirsty comes up to serve us, I show her my leg & she brings us beer. Good din of fish for me & pasta for Jo, chocolate pudding to share & a saucy Monte Christo coffee for moi. Jo writes postcards while I finish the blog & we head home before the 9 o/c curfew.
Fall count
Rob 10 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 21
Smoke count - 2
Mikey Dwomoh Official Stats
Distance - down to Gap & back
Top speed - a stumble on the ice
Ave speed - general limp
Descended - to the bottom of the stairs at the GLC
With skiing a distant memory, have a long lie in until 7:30. JT offers to make breakfast this morning, trouble is she has no idea where the kitchen is. I give her some directions & she copes quite well with the complexities of fixing instant oatmeal, toasting muffins & pouring juice in a glass. Peruse of the news without the use of that old fashion television device.
Head down to the gym about 9:30 for my prescribed cycle session, Jo joins me for moral support & to keep her fitness up for the prospect of more skiing. Keep it steady, just aiming to improve mobility, must not get carried away. 20 mins done, head back to the room to give my knee some rest, that is my strategy, targetted exercise & rest. Supermarket is next, need some more breakfast supplies, can't justify daily Westin breakfast while we languish in the hotel. Grab a coffee & muffin in Starbucks on the way back for a change of scenery.
Back in the room for another little rest, then down to the gym for our second session on the bikes. Return to the room for more rest where Jo finds a real estate programme in Hawaii, wonderful views but we're not fans of their houses, we won't be moving there any time soon. Down to the gym again for our third & final cycle. My knee is aching a bit now but these sessions have really improved the mobility. Sit & more rest where Jo uncovers King of Queens, a little tired but good work with this indecypherable television device.
Thanks to the increased mobility we decide to spread our wings & head out of town for the 10 min walk to the Upper Village & one of our old time favourites of Milestones. Order our favourite honey lager & watch the Vancouver Bear Rimmers vs the Nashville Knob Jockeys. Chow down on a couple of steak & shrimp combos. Jo enlightens me on her latest book, Nelson Mandella's Long Walk to Freedom, truly fascinating. Banter with Tubs on Facebook & flirt with saucy waitress before its time for the long walk back to the Westin.
Back home to blog in bed. Not the most exciting blog, not the most exciting day, but as I said the strategy is exercise & rest to get back on the mountain.
Fall count
Rob 10 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 24
Smoke count - 2
Mikey Dwomoh Official Stats
Distance - to the Upper Village & back
Top speed - 8 km/h on the bike
Ave speed - stationairy on the sofa
Descended - to the gym on the 2nd floor
Thanks everyone for all the well wishes & concern for my ambitious recovery routine. I appreciate there may be some precedence for this but as Jack White would say, Steady as she goes.
Up at 7:30 & now JT has discovered the kitchen there's no holding her back as she throws together a delicious cream cheese & smoked salmon bagel. Wonderful salmon too, jumping straight out of a local river, into the smoke house & onto my bagel. Catch up on news through all manner of digital media, then it's down to the gym for the first of the knee workouts. Usual steady track session, with my heart rate peaking as a fit young thing in a tiny yellow bikini appears dripping wet at the door of the gym. Otherwise uneventful first session.
Back up to the room for a quick change & out to the shops. Jo's still searching for the red check shirt to go with her new Lulumen leggings that seems oh so trendy out here this season, no luck though. Do pick up another sock present in McCoos (or McGoos as Jo calls it, much to the amusement of the Brit serving us). Finally a stop at the Helly Hansen shop in the hotel. I pick up a t shirt supporting Prince Harry's Walking Wounded trip to the South Pole (not being much of a Royalist but I do think he's supporting a great cause). I also fancy one of their red baselayers, which turns out to be the US Ski Team but what the heck, I'm always being mistaken for Ted Ligerty. Jo grabs herself a t shirt too, but is much more excited by the ptarmigan that appears at the doorway, so much so she & the girl from Watford chase it down the street.
Back in our little enclave I put the knee back up & catch the 3rd set of the Raffa vs Roger Ausie semi final, turns out to be the final set as Spain's Mr Nice Guy wins relatively easily. Soon enough it's time to hit the gym again, turn up the resistance a little to hopefully keep the knee recovering without pushing too far. Grab my little gym buddy & head out to lunch. Satisfied with a coffee & a toastie, off to the other Helly shop where Jo's been tipped off there's a checked shirt. Shirt too big but there is a purple hoodie with her name on it. Quick rest in the room before our 3rd & final gym session. A little more resistance again but still keeping it steady folks.
Back up again for our final rest stop of the day. Watch some of Canada's Dragon's Den, which is rather entertaining. Afternoon tea time, with Tim Tams (it is Australia Day tomorrow) & some Bailey's Iced Coffee, only it's coffee creamer, too sweet & sickly to drink alone but it's fine in coffee, which is exactly what we do while drifting into Vancouver's Dream Homes & one of my all time favourites, Blazing Saddles (how about some more beans Mr Tagget, no boys I think youve had enough). Anyhoop, with snitzengluben on our minds we head to the Bavarian Schnitzel House at the end of the village. It's quite a long walk & being a little off the beaten track we always have a debate as to exactly where it is, but we do indeed find where it used to be, ho hum, we did wonder how long it would last. So it's round the corner to another of the Whistler favourites, The Brewhouse. We have our favourite fush & chups, washed down with a couple of liftie lagers. Now I've said no more deserts for me, but the temptress waitress offers me sticky toffee pudding, what can I say. I didn't eat any of my chups, left half the batter & JT manfully eats half (or a corner as she likes to make out).
Set off for the long walk home through a busy Friday night village. Big queues of chilly girls in mini skirts outside the clubs. Bump into a group of guys (or gays, either way is fine, it is the start of pride week) as we're walking across the hotel patio, "can you tell us where the Westin is please?", "this is the Westin"; "oh, can you tell us how to get in?", "er, through the door"; "ok, thank you". We head up in the lift, doors open & there they are again "you boys still lost", "er yeah we're trying to get to the 7th floor", "riiiiiiight, press 7", "ok, thank you". That ends the evenings entertainment, that is until we find The Mask in bed.
Fall count
Rob 10 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 27
Smoke count - 2
Peak Performance Recovery Stats
Distance - 35 laps of the virtual track
Top speed - 15 km/h on the bike
Ave speed - leg up on the sofa
Descended - downtown
Leisurely wake up & get up this morning, must have been around 7:45 when we eventually emerge from our pit. Such is my recovery, I'm allowed to prepare breakfast. Smoked salmon & cream cheese bagel with scrambled egg on the side. Not sure the egg is ever going to come off their non non-stick saucepan. Have a pleasant listen to XFM & a good old read of the paper. Drag ourselves down to the gym for another 20 min on the bike, steadily increasing the resistance.
Back up to the room & watch some GoPro videos. Free diving & base jumping, two of the favourites, the latter makes my palms sweaty. Decend into some boob videos so time to head back to the gym, another good session, knee continues to improve, grab a coffee on the way back up & watch some TV. The rugby 7's are on in Las Vegas, must have been what Tubs was heading to. Soon enough it's time to get everything together for our afternoon at the sliding centre.
Quick walk across to Blackcomb gondola, short ride to the first stop & a shortish (but steep) walk up to the centre. Get registered, sign my life away then it's time for Phillippe's introduction & instruction video. Quite a big group, must be 25-30, mostly men but a few girls in there. Grab a helmet, strip off a layer & kiss JT goodbye (possibly for the last time). Another steep walk up to the Maple Leaf start of the skeleton run. I'm the very first on track. I've been wanting to do this for so long, looks such a rush but I'd be lying if there wasn't a certain amount of trepidation at hurtling down an ice wall at 100 km/h on a tea tray. Anyhoo, nothing else for it, helmet on, step forward, kneel on the tray, few last minute tips, then push off. You're really not supposed to do anything, there's no steering as it has bars, not blades under the sled, you're just supposed to relax, be a sack of potatoes as Phillippe instructed us. The only instruction is keep yor shoulders down & into the sled, more difficult than it sounds, especially as you try to look in front of you. Reality is you can at most see 1 metre in front of you & since you're travelling at 100 km/h you're really not going to see very much. The shoulder thing is especially important as you exit turn 16, which is the biggest bank following your top speed, giving you 3G. You're told to keep your shoulders pressed in because as the Gs are released your body raises up, seems obvious but a) you can see 1 metre that passes in 0.036 of a second, therefore b) you've got no idea what turn you're on so c) you don't expect it. Clock up a top speed of 98.4 km/h & a time of 30.44 seconds. Not bad for the first run on the track. The track is obviously getting quicker as virtually every subsequent rider goes faster than the one before.
It's chilly waiting at the top of the run & quite a wait for the next 29 riders to come down. Soon enough though I'm up again. Walk back down to the start, get myself into position, more determined to keep myself pushed into the sled, even ask the guy to give me an extra hard push off. Better this time but still feel myself lifting off, push down & my helmet visor scrapes the ice (could have been worse, one of the other guys had goggles & no visor so scraped his nose on the ice, he did have (had) quite a big nose though). I hit 99.8 km/h this time & the fastest run of the day so far of 29.71 secs. Unfortunately the ice continues to speed up & I finish 9th. All that done, it's back to the centre to pick up my souvenir t shirt & order my souvenir photos. Jo got some great shots too & a good call to wear my Red Bull jacket, that sponsorship can't be far away.
Bid a fond farewell to the team & fellow competitors then head off down the slopes & back down in the gondola. Time for a quick coffee before my appointment with Meg the physio. Meg gives me a thorough going over, still some pain & my leg pointing in the wrong direction, but overall good progress. Meg gives me a massage & retapes my leg, then puts me through a series of tests to assess whether I can ski again. The tests go well & I'm honest about what hurts (honest I am folks), so Meg gives me the go ahead for some gentle skiing tomorrow. She doesn't have a brace in my size & although she would rather I wore one, I think she knows I'm not going to bother schlepping round for one. She makes me promise no double back flips, I promise to keep it to single back flips with an iron cross.
Back up to the room for a shower & warm up for JT who froze out on the mountain. Head down to the Royal Taste of India at the end of the village. Speculate on the nationality of the exotic waitress, decide she must be Brazillian, she's from Quebec, close enough. Food is all good, washed down with a couple of Kingfishers. Longish walk back helps to work off the curry. Settle in bed with an assortment of rubbish as I write the blog, so much to catch up on since we headed out at 12:30 today.
Fall count
Rob 10 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 30
Smoke count - 2
Whistler Sliding Centre Official Stats
Distance - 1,450m
Top speed - 99.8 km/h
Ave speed - pretty freakin fast
Descended - 152m
Back to the 7am wake up & breakfast of champions, oatmeal & raisen muffins, delightfully prepared by my very own JT. Bit of a read of The Sunday Times & a listen to Classic FM, don't think much of Alisair McGowen selection but they move strongly on with Fanfare of the Common Man & The Planet Suite. I'm moving a little gingerly after my exercises with Meg & feeling a little concerned with heading back out, but then what's the worst that can happen. We get out though & head across a decidedly un-busy skiers plaza & into the first Blackcomb gondola that we get to. Share the gondola with a nice boarder girl & a rescue women from mid-stations. Rescue woman's radio is on loud the whole time, rather anoying apart from overhearing an exchange on some part of the mountian; "Right I'm gonna take this woman down with a knee injury", "You've got real pretty eyes, Pete", "I'm poking them out now". Hop off the gondie & a mini ski down to the Excalibur chair, not really a test. Up & ready for the rundown & the first test. Feels a little weird as I'm ginger on my left ski but it's ok down to the Jersey Cream chair. Up from there & down Springboard which is skied with great skill, diligence & caution. Make it down safe & run back round to the Glacier Creek Lodge. Our plan today is to have extra rest stops to monitor the knee. Find a fine seat outside on the top deck, where Jo leaves me while she gets in supplies. No sooner has Jo left than I'm pounced on by Carol from Ontario, claiming she's looking for space for three but there's no sign of the others while Carol becomes increasing friendly. Jo returns to wrestle me from Carol's clutches by offering a waffle in exchange. Carol's two male companions duly arrive (they don't call her spit roast Carol for nothing). Have a pleasant chat with our new Canadian friends while we watch them chow down on their enormous burgers, at 11 o/c in the morning.
Lots of flags on the mountain today for Aussie day, I have my rather more subtle Aussie Buff on. Up the Jersey Cream & over to 7th Heaven. It's not the beautifully groomed slopes we're expecting for the easy knee recovery, it's more of a mogul field top to bottom, not giant moguls so my knee copes quite comfortably. It does, however, encourage me to start threading through the moguls, but JT is quick to pull me up. It's absolutely baking in the sunshine up here. Have two runs down & an interesting chat to a couple of locals on the lift, the girl has my Scarpa Mastralle boots on. Over on the Green Line & down to the Glacier Creek Lodge. Have a couple of slices of pizza on the sun bathed, Aussie infested patio.
Run down the long & reasonably steep Jersey Cream before heading back up for the run home. We're down Springboard, bit of a faff around the Solar Coaster, then down Main Line & the icy, slushy run into the village. Hand our skis into the valet, then Jo sorts out the ski passes & coffee while I head straight for the room & into the knee recovery programme. I'm stripped off, in the jammies, leg up with at big bag of ice on it. Jo returns with coffee & impressive news from Whistler Blackcomb, not only do they give us extra days for the ones we missed through injury, they refund us for one as we run out of days. Good work yet again JT. After 45 mins under the ice, my knee is red, frozen, but feeling ok. Next stage of the recovery routine is a little nap on the bed while watching ski racing (all prescribed by Meg).
Eventually drag ourselves up for a shower & out to our second visit to Sushi Village. Pop our name down while we do some grocery & present shopping. My buff plus green & gold down jacket gets a few calls from the hoards of drunken, short & thong wearing Aussies roaming the village. Back at the Japanese emporium we deplete Canada's soft shell crab resource & we're done. Back in our little home momentarily where we indulge in a bit of Dragon's Den & Bad Ink and a cup of tea in bed.
Fall count
Rob 11 (1)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 33
Smoke count - 2
Mikey Dwomoh Official Stats
Distance - 41.67 km
Top speed - n/a
Ave speed - 11.8 km/h
Descended - 4,453 m
Happy birthday James
As my knee starts to heal & things return to normality, JT hoofs me out & demands breakfast. She's in for a treat this morning as smoked salmon & cream cheese bagel is served with scrambled egg on the side. Listed to Classic FM, even though it's not the weekend but we're still on holiday. Skim of the papers, catch up on social medial, Jo is cursing Jemma for not replying to her email, then realises she hasn't finished replying to Jem's last one. Wash up & brush up, into the Skins, stretch & off to Whistler mountain. Such was the scortching temperatures yesterday I'm in my Red Bull jacket & running gloves (and nothing else!).
Queue is light, as always, we're soon in & on our way up. No one interesting to talk to today so Jo fills me in on gossip from home. We're soon up at the Roundhouse, Jo loses me as she's expecting a red jacket, but then how many people do you see with a Red Bull F1 jacket? We head down Ego Bowl as Whiskey Jack has gotten so heavy & roughed up. It's a nice run & we both take the opportunity to work on our technique, it's amazing how less tired your legs get when skiing properly. I think the trouble is we've only skied the tough stuff for so long we've forgotten how not to ski aggressively. Anyhoo, couple more runs & it's time for our mid morning stop. Although this is part of precautions for my knee, we're quite enjoying this 2 stop strategy. Get a few runs in, warm up, little break & ready for some more. Jo browses while I get the coffees in, a latte for the lady & double macchiato for me, along with a fantastic discovery, After Eight chocolate bar. Back to pick up our presents for Jo & for home, get the duck disco history from the staff, then off to make our donation.
Ski down to the Peak chair, I present the Roman Centurian duck from the British Museum to the cute Aussie liftie. Jo gets her to pose for a picture, she asks how do you want me, so Jo directs her to hug me, which of course she does with glee. Up at the Peak & out with the top hat (although we got some top hat shots last year, they weren't on the Peak). Get some great shots next to the Innuit statue with stunning vistas in the brilliant sunshine. I'm enjoying the top hat so much, decide to ski round to Symphony wearing it. Stick to the Burnt Stew Trail before joining Jeff's Ode to Joy & down to the lifts. Back up to the top for a photo shoot then have a few most enjoyable runs down the same. It's a little icy in places, rather lumpy in others but all in all, considering the sun & lack of snow, one can't complain. I've grown rather accustomed to my top hat now, doffing it or lifting my pole to passers by, wishing them a good day. Head for the Chic Pea for our 2nd stop, round to Harmony, down Pikka's Traverse, back to the Roundhouse & down Whiskey Jack. I'm not sure if the staff are more taken with my top hat or Red Bull jacket, either way I feel somewhat like a visiting dignitary with everyone fussing around. I have their toastie special with a salad, JT tries their mac n cheese, unbelievably for the first time ever.
Satisfied once again we head down to the Emerald chair & plot our run home. After much debate on the chair, we decide that although counterintuitive with my knee recovery, the black of Dave Murray & ice of Tokem will be preferable to the slushy, busy easier routes down. Even Dave is getting a bit slushie, but I think we made the right decission. I keep behind JT as promised, anyway I'm using her as a mobile tripod as I shoot off pictures & video from the GoPro mounted to her helmet. Film the run into the village, another surprising first for all our trips here.
Drop our skis off at the valet & head to the in hotel Starbucks bar (we're not sure why we walked down through the village so often). Order an ice pack & strip down to my jammies with my leg up. Ice pack arrives & is duly placed on my poorly leg while watching our latest Canadian favourite, Dragons Den and eating chocolate & biscuits. Nearly an hour later the pack comes off & my knee is frozen solid, it really is quite freaky how cold it is. Shower & it's still pretty cold. Set up the GoPro transfer, bit frustrating as it uses WiFi rather than cable so is really slow & things either fall asleep or run out of charge.
Jo rings Earls but they've got a private function, seems a lot of gay pride or conference things going on this week (both are fine of course), The Keg is not taking bookings but head down there anyhoo. Put our name down & head off to get our fresh tracks tickets for the morning, provided by our newest friend Luke from good old Perth. Back at the Keg & settle in the den supplied with honey beer by girl in a dress both short & low, which is all good, until we realise they've forgotten aboot us. JT complains & we're whisked upstairs, in front of a roaring fire, romantic but it's giving us sunburn so make them turn it down. I spurn the excellent bread & crispy chips for the Keg speciality...the steak. Lots of big tables but chatting to the waitress, 3 big parties (34 in total) didn't show up. Jo speculates a couple of guys at a nearby table must be gay, a trifle harsh I think, but then she points out they're drinking wine, might as well be wearing dresses (which is fine). This leads us to discussing what type of gays we would be, Jo thinks I would be a raving queen (which is fine). All together not our most successful trip to one of our all time favourites, glad it wasn't our last night, but the steak is always superb.
Race back to the Westin to try to catch Alaska Ultimate Survival Jo's been looking forward to seeing all week. Sure enough she's in bed with the TV on before I've untied my shoelaces, then she falls asleep half way though.
Fall count
Rob 11 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 37
Smoke count - 2
No stats today as ran out of charging stations
Get a call from work at 1:30 am & find it really hard to get back to sleep. Not ideal as we have early start in the morning, but as I say, that's what pays for the trips to Whistler. Alarm goes off at 6:30 & we sluggishly drag ourselves up. Quick juice, ablusions & into our gear, short hop across the empty, still dark skiers plaza & jump into the gondie. Seems to take ages this morning as we rise up out of the dark & into the cloud. Arrive at the Roundhouse, there's a fair covering in the restaurant but not busy by any stretch. Get our first course in, scrambled eggs, sausage & bacon. Bell goes & there's absolutely no stampede for the doors, not surprising really, no new snow, starting to get icy & now thick cloud. French Toast course done & we're off. Down the fresh corduroy of Ego Bowl then into the manageable moguls of Coyote. Up the Emerald & down the other side, fresh tracks are most refreshing on Franz, which has been lumpy & heavy all trip. Have a few more runs around mid mountain before it's time for our coffee break, all part of my recovery programme, plus although the runs are groomed it's pretty bleak out.
Next we're going up Harmony to see if there's any break in the cloud over there. It's pretty chilly & blustery on top of Harmony, tricky little traverse down, along the ridge & down to the new chair. It's cloudy there too, but we got some good runs in the middle so try our luck on Harmony Piste while we're here. Buoyed by the few hundred metres of clear skiing we're off to Symphony. Same story there too, bleak at the top, some good middle runs & cloudy below. Not the day for my Red Bull jacket & running gloves, but apart from painfully hard nipples I cope. Adagio is the best of the lot with some fun runs in decent visibility, possibly too much fun as JT pulls me up on my speed. Time though to head for the Chic Pea for lunch. Wizz round Burnt Stew Trail back to the Roundhouse & it's a complete white out, pretty busy too as all the whelks stand around wondering what to do. Cut through the clouds & the clowns through the heavy slush to our favourite Whistler outpost. Once inside & warmed up we grab our first Moroccan Beef Stew of the trip which is luckily the last of today's supply.
We're feeling nicely refreshed & topped up but my knee is now really aching so it's up & plan the run down. Aim for the sunnier & less busy far side of the mountain, unfortunately that's all closed due to lack of snow. It isn't too busy or too heavy & we get down in one piece. Hand our skis in to the valet & although not embarrassing early, it's 2:45, too soon for a coffee, so just up to the room to ice my leg. Catch up on news from home & rubbish on TV while I put my knee into deep freeze. 50 mins later my knee is frozen solid, it really feels weird, so weird in fact JT won't touch it. It has rather sent the rest of me into a freeze so next step is some TV in bed while Jo fetches the coffee & talks to the front desk about our check out. Coffee should be straight forward but the Westin has been notoriously stingy with late check outs. Jo lays it on thick though, claiming I've lost my leg & she wants to enrol me in the Whistler Adaptive programme on our last day. It works & we get 2 o/c, so we'll be skiing tomorrow, yay.
Pick up our fresh tracks tickets on the way out to dinner, put our names down at Earls & get what surely must be the last of the presents. Back at Earls & we're seated immediately, while the crowd grows in the waiting pen. Jo orders 2 Spearmint Rhinos from our pretty, petite waitress Janet, who looks confused, I clarify Albino Rhinos (that makes even less sense when you write it down). Janet returns with her little chicken wing arm barely able to lift these rhino pints. Earls favourites ordered, chicken for me, half a cow with my mains as a side for Jo, who also polishes off the rest of my chicken! Share their very special sticky toffee pudding for afters & I give another coffee lesson to the staff by explaining macchiato to Janet. Who knows, she may be able to get a job in Starbucks one day. With JT dozing off at the table, it is time to take the chilly walk across the village for the last time.
Back in the room, teeth cleaned, jammies on, in bed undoubtably followed by a fruitless search of the TV before falling asleep.
Fall count
Rob 11 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 39
Smoke count - 1
Partially complete stats
Distance - 43.10 km
Top speed - 61.4 km/h
Ave speed - 13.4 km/h
Descended - 4,621 m
Up at 6:30 again for fresh tracks & get in as much skiing as possible to make up for lost time. We've done many things on our last day, tube park, shopping, spa, trip to Vancouver but never skied so this will be a novel experience. Not exactly racing start but we're at the Roundhouse at 8am, interesting skies this morning as the sun starts to peak through the early morning cloud. Usual hearty fare in the mid mountain diner.
First runs out onto the corduroy, down Little Red Run & Franz, though heavy slush at the run in to the Holmes Express. On the ride back up we notice that Jo's underwear has gone from the trees, guess there will be a bear wandering around in a pink thong (along with the camel from Jo's lost luggage). Do the same great groomed, fast runs again, & the same slushy chair approach. Jo eyes up a guy bending over in his Spyder race suit & jumps on his....chair. Chat to Spyder guy & a Saffa on the lift, emparting them with 8 years of Whistler knowledge, directing them all over the mountain. Saffa says maybe he'll try Seppo's, NO we both exclaim! It's gnarly, rocky & ugly at the best of times, but 2 weeks without snow doesn't bare thinking aboot. It's off to Harmony next for these Whistler vetrens & its a good pick. It's clear all the way up, the sun is just breaking through up top creating a wonderfully misty haze through the clouds. First up Harmony Piste which is delightful, ending in the beautifully groomed, steep & so fast it melts your face GS. Back up & along Harmony Ridge, which is also lovely with it's undulations & cheeky twists & turns. Time to head back to the Roundhouse for our coffee stop before our final runs of our half day.
Decide to end on a high & plot our run down, Jo says since I was pretty responsible on Harmony we can take Dave Murray & Tokem for our home run. Dave is still beautifully groomed, fast & the first pitch goes by in a flash. Meet up at the next junction, both comment on the mad ski instructor giving, obviously beginners, lessons in the middle of the fast piste. Stop & watch the madness a bit too long as his group of pole-less beginers fall & flail down the next, even steeper pitch. Head down ourselves with the piste looking like a scene from platoon. Jo, never being one for leaving a man behind, stops to pick up one of the hapless loons. She asks Jo which way her skis should be facing & as Jo helps her up she stammers, is...is this a black run? I film the final run into the village, so we can watch it for the next 351 days until we're here again. Unfortunately I forget to turn it off, so we can remind ourselves of the excitement of unclipping our boots & walking back to our room.
Quick shower & most efficient pack of the ski bag, boot bag & clothes bag, even room for the vast array of presents. Nice cup of tea & watch of Texas Border Patrol before check out time. Lovely girl on check out, lists her passion as The Force, clear up the mysterious bar bill & get her to print our boarding passes. That all done we're off to the grocery store for the food related presents & Starbucks where I get rid of $12 of Canadian change & JT has a row over coffee grinding.
Back at the Westin lobby where we have a short wait for Brooke himself to appear & take us back. Brooke has brought his Dad's Kilimanjaro photo album (which his dad showed us last time) & the safari album (which is new). Chat with Brooke on the way, he's keen to know how the Malster seniors are & when he'll be seeing them again. Soon enough we're into Vancouver & I spot the first of the Starbucks which infest the city just north of it's home border. I challenge the others to spot all of them on the way, Brooke claims there are 7 on route & he's right, just pulling the last one out of the bag in the airport terminal (but you can see it from the car). Say our fond & tearful farewells to Brooke until same time next year.
Quick check in, ski drop & security scan (Jo's hip flask gets extra scrutiny). Into the duty free for what will be finally, finally be the last of the presents...unless JT spots something in the Highlife shop. Wander through the deserted airport to the lounge, where the Galleries matron has got herself a bubbly assistant, who offers to serve sandwiches & suggests various mixers to compliment my gin. Take a seat next to a lady & her transvestite husband, which may now be her wife. Enjoy several gin top ups & their selection of finger food until the 8pm call goes for us to trudge 50m straight onto the plane. At least we're presented with champagne to get over the trip. I am not invited to fly this leg, but the captain announces you can use iPads & your headphones through take off (just like you could in first class 2 years ago). We're all on board early & since we're the only plane in the airport, might as well take straight off.
Fall count
Rob 11 (0)
Jo 9 (0)
Beer aggregate - 39
Smoke count - 3
Mikey Dwomoh Official Stats
Distance - 43.10 km
Top speed - 61.4 km/h
Ave speed - 13.4 km/h
Descended - 4,621 m
Couple of G&Ts before & through dinner, which is all good, smoked salmon salad, Thai curry & chocolate tart. I talk Jo into Alan Partridge Alpha Pappa on the movies, it's a fun little film, plenty of laughs, Jo dozes off while he's in the toilet. JT packs down, I turn my attention to an F1 docu-film abut the dramatic changes in safety, from the 20% fatality rate in the 70s, through to Ayrton Senna's tragic death at Imola to the horror crash at Melbourne that Martin Brundle walked away from & restarted in the spare car. It's very good but I must pack down myself, which I do & get 40 winks. Disturbed a bit through turbulence but still manage some kip before they turn the lights on & JT rises from her pit like a scene from Bride of Dracula. Breakfast of sorts is served by the slightly odd crew, pastries, followed by fruit salad, followed by a scrambled egg & bacon roll (far too much egg that spills everywhere). I catch the end of my F1 programme before it's time for a wash up & seat up for landing.
England's green & flooded land appears briefly before landing, which is smooth & we're soon at the stand & off. Bad news is we're at B gates, which means a train to the main terminal, which breaks down, next one is packed like the central line, swerve the escalator queue for the lift, which is also packed (can you move down please!). Fear that passport control will be an absolute zoo but is not too bad, but utterly inefficient with odd queue routing & officers sitting around doing nothing. Our bags are waiting for us when we get to the carousel, no sign of the skis. JT suggests that they're at the oversized belt, as she does every year, but that's not how it works at T5. Wait for ages but nothing, begin to think Jo's right but there are other skis on the belt. Eventually I go for a wander & find them pulled off the belt, behind a pile of trolleys. All in all a rather frustrating airport experience. Fortunately coffee & valet pick up is pretty smooth, note you've got to have a really special car to be parked next to the pick up as an R8 & Maseratti replace the pair of Bentleys that were there last year. Car loaded & on the M25, which is busy but free flowing. Get home about 4, so that's 8 hours to get from Vancouver to Heathrow, 1 hour to get from B gates to the car park & another hour to get from Heathrow to Hornchurch. If I wasn't awash with stats I'd work out the average speed of all three, but I reckon it would be close between Jo's driving & the 747. Home everything, unpacked, washed, put away & recharged. Pizza on the sofa while we catch the first of the Winter Olympic programmes before retiring to bed with Graham Bell & dreaming of Whistler 2015.
So the 8th year at Whistler, certainly different this year. Each of the previous 7 years have seen progress in the skiing, new skills & new terrain. This year we had a specific goal of testing the hike & ski functions of our new boots in preparation for Mt Elbrus, along with backcountry prep. Didn't really feel we progressed anything specifically & we certainly weren't able to attempt any Elbrus style challenges, although the boot modifications were absolutely essential, I can't imagine trekking for 12 hours in hard plastic boots that are too small, let alone skiing in them. So what did we learn...
If your boots hurt you, get them adjusted, ski boots will not wear in
If you hurt yourself, you're best off getting it looked at professionally, rather than seeing how it goes
Actually skiing on piste & having breaks for coffee isn't gay (but fine if it was), it's actually quite nice
The Westin is better than the Pan Pacific
Sometimes if you complain, in the right way, you get something (like free WiFi)
Wild smoked salmon is better than farmed
All North American TV is rubbish
Mikey Dwomoh Overall Statistics (2013 in brackets)
Max speed – 98.3 km/h (92.7 km/h)
Max metres descended – 6,336 (1,028)
Dave Murray record – N/A (6'15"00)
Slalom
Rob - N/A (24:05")
Jo - N/A (25:90")
Skeleton
Distance - 1,450m
Top speed - 99.8 km/h
Ave speed - pretty freakin fast
Descended - 152m
Fall Table
Rob - 11 (16)
Joanna - 9 (14)
Tony - DNQ (5)
Jenny - DNQ (4)
Keeping the seniors records in preparation for their next Canadian challenge
Booze & Fags
Smokes – 30 (10)
Beers – 39 (40)
G&Ts - 8 (9)
Champagne - 7 (10)
Impressive consistency in the alcohol, deterioration in the smokes due to boot & leg frustrations but still ave 2 per day
Rach headed off to Slovenia with her Scott first thing this morning, we hear they had a good flight been picked up, got checked in & was out skiing by 1pm. Tried some intermediate runs, but limited to mid mountain due to low cloud. One fall which shows she's trying. Sounds like a lovely place she staying in, modern & new, with a spa too. Private spa at that, one you book so you don't have to share it with ordinary people (as Rachael put it).
Not a bad day in work by any stretch, saw my Aussie physio friend Adam who's still treating my knee, coffee with Dill, bit of work then off at 4 o/c. Grab our excessive luggage from the car & hail a cab outside Waitrose. Quick run in the relatively clear Friday afternoon traffic to City Airport. Smooth check in, drop skis & though security by 4:55. Hopes that City has installed a lounge do not come to fruition, so a panini & a coffee before the flight. Time to board & it seems a long way to gate 10 which is showing FINAL CALL, of course everyone is waiting at the gate. Head for the seats but stopped by the gate attendant as its for fast track only, I'm about to push my BA silver card at him but realise in time the sign says gold members (they love only goooold). Anyhoo, soon on board the all economy flight, but I've bagged us exit row seats thanks to my silver card, ha. Settle straight into Resident Evil on the iPad, Jo gives me a sulky look, I did offer her my pilot headphones, but she declined.
Soon we're in the air, brief glimpse of London before its engulfed in cloud. Very Scottish stewardesses offer me a G&T and a Nature Valley Bar, and a pack of choc chip cookies when they see me looking enviously at JT's. After only an hour of my film we're entering the sprawl of Glasgow, so I'm going to have to wait until later to see if Alice defeats the zombies (I have a feeling she will).
Soon off & at baggae reclaim, where JT directs me to the right carousel where our cases & skis come off in the neatest lines I ever did see. Next stop the worlds slowest Avis desk. I eventually reach the counter, "welcome to Avis, how may I help you"; "you can start by wiping that F&%$ing smile off you rosy F&%$ing cheeks", I may have said if I was Steve Martin in Planes, Trains & Automobiles, but I just tell her my name & she goes though the forms, slowly. We're directly to our lot & as I said I'm not Steve Martin so our car is in it's rightful place. I do however realise that in my thriftiness I've exchanged our brand new A5 S line for a Peugeot F&%$wit, a cheap nasty plastic French automobile. SatNav programmed we're off in the wet gloomy Glasgow night. The Peugot has some interesting features, like bits of plastic that fall off at the slightest touch, blind the driver windscreen wash & lazy French wipers. Apart from the French car & the Scots aversion to motorways, we make good time to Glencoe. Spot a few deer along the way & judging from the map on the SatNav there's some beautiful countryside when its not pitch black & raining. A brief pause by a tired looking inn before heading further on to the delights on the Strath Lodge.
Ann greets us with a warm welcome into her warm & inviting lodge. Out bounds our old friend Jon, resplendent in his familiar green Montane jacket. Ann shows us to our large, modern, beautifully appointed room. Chat for a while about mountaineering as we admire her collection of mountainous photos before Jon reappears for more mountain related chats. Alone, we set about the not insignificant task of unpacking all our gear. That done, we're free to snack, shower & pack down for nighty nights.
Official Chris Hoy Scottish Stats
Deer - 3
Fall Table
Rachael - 1
Scott - 0
Arise at 7 o/c, Jo is about to demand I make her breakfast but a) we're not in Whistler, b) we don't have a kitchen & c) Ann is undoubtably making us a breakfast of delights as we muse. Wash up & get our bits together for a speedy post breakfast exit, then it's time to head down to the delightfully spacious breakfast area. First course of porridge is served which I enjoyed with lashings of honey & no salt while taunting Jon with his breakfast nemisis. Have a good old read of The Times while continuing through the eggs & smoked salmon and croissant courses. Back upstairs to get our gear together, down to the Peugeot F&%$wit & off for the short drive to Glencoe alps.
Once there we join the long, slow lift ticket queue, but thankfully avoid the dreadful gear hire queue (heard people saying they've been there for an hour & a half). Quick change in the car then onto the ski lift. It's rocky & heathery at the bottom with a little waterfall running throught the middle. Snow starts near the top & looks plenty around. Jump off the chair & survey our Scottish winter wonderland, hmm Poma lift next, bit of a queue, moves slowly. Ski over to the T bars, another queue, hike up at the top, then a nice 2 min ski down. The top isn't open today (they've had too much snow & haven't dug the lifts out). We repeat this process a few more times, 15 min queue, 5 min hike, 2 min ski. We find a nice steep pow pitch which is pretty good, Jo flails like a lunatic but manages to keep her feet (she left her boots in hike mode), I charge down while JT skis round to recover. Decide that we should hike up along the upper T bar that isn't running. It's pretty hard work with our skis on our shoulders, we make it 2/3 the way up before Jo calls time, drops her skis & collapses on the snow (I take it she's had enough). Ski down from there & call it a day around 2 o/c. Chat to a couple of girls from Taiwan by the lift, before kicking our skis off & heading down on the chair.
Meanwhile in Slovenia, Rachael & Scott still seam to be having a good time. More intermediate runs today, but again limited by poor visibility up top. Rach is on the chair, her nemisis, but no chair related incidents reported. Waffle seems to be the order of the Thomas Jnr / Jeffrey ski routine. Did hear that Rach had a bad fall today, thank goodness I insisted she wore a helmet. No falls reported for Scott, he clearly isn't trying.
Back in Scotland, we undress in the car park & head to the charmingly quaint Glencoe cafe for afternoon tea. Have a delightful tea, surf of the web (they have WiFi up here!), before heading back to the even more charming Strath lodge. Once in our cosy room we're in the jammies before you can say loch haggis, followed inevitably by a little doze while watching The Big Bang Theory. Wake ourselves up with a coffee & a couple of chocolate Hobnobs, then it's time for a shower & get dressed up for dinner.
We're heading out into the wild Scottish night to the Clachaig Inn (or Craggy Island inn as Jo calls it). It's busy inside & charmingly cosy, despite it's rather tired exterior. JT bags us a couple of arm chairs with an older Scottish couple as I bag the beers from the bar. I also get the list of 25 items which are off the menu but we settle on a couple of burgers, beef & turkey for JT & me respectively. Jo chats to the Scottish bloke opposite, at least we think he's Scottish, we couldn't understand a single word he said. Pub is inhabited by mountaineering types, perennially dressed in big hiking boots, socks pulled up over their gortex trousers, t shirts from the 70s under all weather jackets they've had since the same period. Meanwhile back at the bar, the bloke in front of me orders a Red Bull, they don't have any so offer him an Iron Bru, wonder if this means with better marketing, Scotland (rather than Austria) would be world leaders in energy drinks. Seb Vettel would be driving an orange IB7 with the emblem of a fist holding a girder.
Starts to thin out in the bar as the live music starts elsewhere in the inn, we're done though so head back out into the wintry wet weather. I finish a rare fag under the awnings before taking a shortcut across the lawn to the waiting JT in the Peugeot F&%$wit. Now it's been raining for the past 6 weeks & my converse are from the same period as our outdoor friends t shirts, so I take two steps, fly in the air & land flat on my back. Winded, I dust myself off, compose myself as I vow not to let on my misshap to JT. In the car JT is in hysterics, she says "was that you flapping like a turkey on the slope before falling on your arse?"; "I don't know what you're talking about" I reply as I squelch onto the passenger seat.
Back in the heavenly Strath Lodge, I clean myself up, hang my wet jeans & pants on the radiator before catching the end of Resident Evil. Alice does indeed prevail against the zombies, while the vast majority of Raccoon City meet a gruesome & untimely death.
Meanwhile the junior skiers in Slovenia had a delightful walk around the picturesque village & a very tasty sounding steak & pasta.
Official Chris Hoy Scottish Stats
Man jogger - 2
Bird jogger - 1
Deer - 4
Fall Table
Rachael - 5
Rob - 1 (outside the pub)
JT - 0
Scott - 0
Up at 7am again, get ourselves together determined for an earlier start for the longer drive to Fort William. Muesli, egg & bacon and croissant this morning. Read of the continuing crisis in Ukraine & the Crimean Peninsula while listening to Classic FM (hope Ann doesn't mind us turning off that modern rubbish on Radio 1). Final drain of the tea pot & cafetiere before up to the room & out to our cheap rental that looks like the swamp thing has slept in the passenger seat. Hit the open road, bit of a faff to find the ski resort as the SatNav doesn't have it, the iPad has no reception & we haven't brought a map. Navigate our way through a herd of shaggy highland cows & eventually find the rather modern & expansive ski land. Quick change, pick up tickets & soon in the gondie. Chat to an older lady & unrelated man on the way up. All going well until Jo says Glencoe is a bit overpriced for what it is, the cabin falls silent before they say in unison "Aye but Glencoe is a special place".
Over in Eastern Europe, the juniors are up already & attacking the slopes, despite there being no croissants! They make up for the lack of French breakfast goods, by stopping for french fries. Rach fesses up that her fall yesterday has left a red mark on her head, but she manfully skis the same run today without incident.
Back in the UK (for now) we're up top & it's quite expansive, snow everywhere, not cold & hardly a breath of wind (a true rarity we hear). Head over to the Poma lift before realising it just goes to the top of the learner zone, we take it anyway, then link onto the next Poma to get higher. It's wide open spaces up here so we head out onto the deserted face. Turns out the face is deserted due to the now quite chilly wind blowing all the snow off the ridge to leave a crust of sheet ice. I chatter across this icy ground for ages in the hope of finding the snow. JT has kept a higher line so makes the fatal mistake of putting a turn in, which leads to her hurtling down the rock hard ice towards a collection of rocks. With no sign of stopping she pushes her skis into the rocks & skilfully brings herself to a stop. Back on her feet she traverses over to where I've finally found some soft stuff. Thankful to be alive we head over to the chair lift (a 4 man one at that). Bit of a queue but worth it as its a true delight to ski down this fairly steep but well groomed piste. I fly down, feeling like a pro in this land of the relatively inexperienced skier. Even manage to follow in the tracks of the piste basher (a rare sight of these nocturnal beasts). After a couple more runs we head over to the T bars where we indulge in some equally enjoyable powtastic runs. Stop for a coffee in the snack igloo, I tire of the sluggish queue & head up for a final T bar run with a lady from Glasgow. Back at the igloo, JT is waiting for me with a fresh coffee. Wind has really picked up now & they've closed all the chairs, so decide to finish on a high & head down as the little hand reaches 2 o/c.
No option to ski down here either so load ourselves & our skis into the gondie (no ones skis fit in the outside holder for some reason). Rach & Jeff are heading down too, after another solid days skiing (as Rach put it). Back in the car park we strip off in the mild air, load ourselves into the Peugeot F@%$wit & head into town. Fort William looks a charming place on the banks of some loch, but unfortunately it's closed. Fortunately we have the charming Glencoe cafe to head for. 30 mins later we're tucking into more scone for me & some warm apple pie for JT.
Back home in the lodge, chat with Jon & meet the only other lodge inhabitant we have not seen so far, Molly. Molly is Ann's puppy she is training, so mindfull of this we fuss over her like a pair of loons. Over in Slovenia the young couple are endulging in another spa, while I ice my knee to keep the recovery going. Shower, blog & Sainsburys shop for Jo while we spurn the doze & the tub of hobnobs.
Down to dinner at 7, where we browse the mountain books while Jon finishes a call on what seems to be an over complicated 3 peaks trip. Dan (Ann's husband) is back from his trip to Bristol & we all settle down to a delightful 3 courses of soup, salmon en-croute & Baileys cheesecake, all deliciously home made. Dan's accent is again bringing out the Bristol in Jon's. I tease him about his Westcountriness on the trail in Kili, Jon denies all knowledge of this "Don't tark darft, aye don't tark loik thart". Chat about times on the trail, Nepalese & African, treks in the Scottish highlands & aerating your lawn with crampons. A delightful evening, Ann & Dan are so welcoming, it was like being invited into someone's home (which it kinda is).
Over in Slovenia, the otters are also enjoying a meal in their hotel, a seafood platter & we all know how much those crazy kids love anything from the sea.
With our respective meals polished off we head to our respective rooms in our respective countries. We practice fitting crampons to our Scarpa Mantas, can't speak for Rach & Scott but I'm thinking the similarities in our evening have probably ended.
Official Chris Hoy Scottish Stats
Man jogger - 3
Bird jogger - 1
Deer - 4
Fall Table
Rachael - 6 (including one potentially brain damaging fall)
JT - 2 (including one standing still in the lift line)
Rob - 2 (one piste related, one pub related)
Scott - 0 (that boy isn't entering into the spirit of things)
Awake at 7, little potter in our room, getting our bits together for our day on the mountain. Down to breakfast at 8, porridge, eggs & salmon and croissant desert while we chat with Jon about our day & plans for Elbrus. Briefed, we pop back upstairs to get the essentials packed & soon off in Jon's Mystery Machine van for the short drive to Stob Dubh.
Meanwhile Rachael & Scott have packed up in Slovenia & headed home. Reports of the resort & the hotel couldn't be higher as they vow to return for more skiing & other outdoor pursuits.
Head up the heathery path while I explain flying & the CDS market to Jon, who either absorbs my excellent analogies or I've bored him senseless. We're soon into the snow line, thin with heather growing through at first, then giving way to proper snow coverage. It is an absolutely glorious day in the Highlands, the pure pristine snow lit up by the bright sun in the cloudless sky. We could be in the Alps or at a push Nepal. We head on up through the reasonably steepish terrain until we reach the first of our peaks. Time for a little stop & some of Ann's lovely fruit cake from our packed lunch.
Next up we've got some training to do so head off to the side of the hill, where Jo & I wait & watch while Jon slides down the hill, jogs up the side & slides back down again. We take bets on what he's up to, Jo thinks he's practicing for when sliding on your arse is an Olympic sport, I believe the mountains have finally driven him round the bend. Anyhoo, Jon returns & apparently there is method to his madness, he's constructed a slide for our ice axe arrest training. We take it in turns to slide down the run, spin around, jam our axe into the snow & assume the arrest position. While I wouldn't say we're model pupils we've got the hang of it so we can sew that badge onto our scout uniform. For our next trick we're popping on our crampons to contine our ascent of Stob Dubh's second summit. It looks a pretty long & steep hike up but we're feeling good in our crampons, all very sure footed & natural feeling. Jon gives us a few words of warning as we approach the narrow ridge, need to engage brain & be confident in our footing. It's actually not a bad climb & we make it to the top in good time. As we reach the summit, the weather turns from brilliant sunshine & warm to cold, snowing & blowing a gale (yes it's true kids what you see in these documentaries, the weather in the mountains can change in an instant). Quick shot of me holding the Union flag from my ice axe before its time to head down & get out of the weather.
It really is quite nasty on the way down with the wind whipping snow into your face, but fortunately we stumble across an snow hole dug out by another party on training. It is lovely in there out of the wind, it's quiet, cosy & warm. Just the stop to have the rest of the delightful packed lunch from the delightful Ann. Suitably rested & fed it's time to leave our ice bungalow, just as the weather returns to glorious sunshine. We're heading down now, through the now more substantial snow covering. It's fairly hard going but we make good time, even allowing for an inpromtu game of snow cricket. Jo wants to get a picture of me in the deep pow, I say hang on I'll jump in for a dramatic shot. I take a big leap, land both feet but don't keep my balance, fall & twist my knee. It hurts like buggery, twinges a bit on the way down but I survive.
Back in the van I wring my socks out & we head home. Quick stop at the impossibly picturesque Achtrlochtan Loch, perfectly still with the surrounding mountains perfectly reflected in the clear waters. Short hop from here back to the Strath Lodge, leave our very wet gear in the drying room & our fairly wet gear on the radiator. Shower & time for a little rest on the bed before dinner.
Head down for dinner at 7, chat to Jon & Dan while showing off our respective pictures of the day. Dinner is served & is once again delicious, goats cheese tart, traditional Scottish chilli & posset for desert (which according to Jon is made from minced possums). Suitably satisfied we make the final ascent of the day, up to our room to veg out on the bed for the rest of the evening.
Official Chris Hoy Scottish Stats
Man jogger - 3
Bird jogger - 1
Deer - lots & lots & lots
Fall Table
Rachael - 6 (a respectable 2 per day average for the rookie)
JT - 4 (some fine snow related falls)
Rob - 3 (one in each of the three disciplines)
Scott - 0 (he won't be invited to Whistler with this attitude)
Usual routine, up at 7, porridge, eggs, salmon, croissants. Jon quizzes us on our various ailments but we conclude we're pretty much good for anything JCG has to throw at us. Quick pack of the packed lunch & various mountain ready bits, then it's into the Love Machine & off to our chosen mountain for the day, Stob Corrie nan lochan.
Gentle trek across the paths, over the bridge & down some steps for starts. Next a bit of an uphill plod up the winding slope. Now comes the first, of what turns out to be many, scrambles over rocky outcrops. Starts with a regulation grade one, progressing to added water hazards & eventually we make it to the top...of the first 5% of our climb. Bit of a wander through the heather & occasional stream as we make our way to the rather imposing buttress in front of us. Seems a rather formidimal sheer rockface, but the plan is to zig zag our way along the narrow (ish) ledges & scramble up the corners. This we repeat for, well, as long as it takes to get to the top. Scrambles are a bit of a challenge but mainly good fun, if you overlook the freezing hands from gripping in the icy waters & clumps of snow. Jo struggles up one particularly sheer & slippery face, she's up most of the way but the last lunge requires a big push. She struggles with different footholds & handholds, Jon extends his helping hand throughout, Jo, as one would expect, refuses any help throughout her struggle & makes it on her own. That done, we do indeed conquer this buttress & make it to the top.
Now it's all rather difficult to work out where the actual peak is as the ridges & cols fall under your eyeline as you try to work out what is part of the same mountain & what is the other side of the valley. I see where Jon is pointing to, seems only a ridge or two away to the summit. We're in proper snow now, but the sun is still shining, the sky is blue & hardly a breeze at all. Carry on plodding through the snow, easy at first but gets tough on the
next ascent, being heavier than the other two, I sink down to my thigh, the next step is only ankle deep, next down to the thigh. You're either wading through thick heavy snow or climbing a stair machine not going anywhere very fast. Make it to the col, where I begin to realise that the peak is actually still a long way off.
Still mild, warm almost as we sit on our packs while enjoying another delightful Ann lunch. Kick on up the next couple of slopes, picking up some snow & avalanche training as we go. Soon enough it's time for crampons, which to me just means better foot holds. The initial climb turns to steeper, then steep rocky ground that we need to manoeuvre with some careful but confident steps & liberal use of the axe. Finally, after the umpteenth scramble of the day we're done, only a snowy ridge to negotiate to the peak. As soon as we poke our little heads out, the wind turns to gale force & blinding snow. It is indeed a short trot to the summit where we pose, Union Jack aloft, while claiming Stob Corrie nan Lochan in the name of the Queen.
As we climbed on the calm & pleasant leeward side, we're in for a treat of strong winds & snow wipping you in the face, stinging your eyeballs on the way down. It's really hairy at first being unable to see where to put your feet or indeed the edge of the ridge 2 metres away. It does start to ease as we get lower though & although heavy going it is now bareable. The snow cover is immense up here, the whole top third of the mountain is engulfed in thick snow. We reach the shalower mid section, with the wind easing all the time. Jon decides it's time to pack away the crampons & do some bum sliding, a far easier way to decend. We both enjoy it at first, getting good speed & covering lots of ground. These bum slides slow as we decend though, until they're more trouble than they're worth, they're playing havock with Jo's back too. As the snow thins, giving way to steep, slippery rocky steps, we pick up the pace somewhat, but still fairly treacherous. JT's struggling a bit too, her back injury manifesting itself in a variety of leg, knee & ankle strains. She does however push on, shunning any offer for help & we make it back to the van just as night is drawing in. Jo & I wring our socks out on the step on the van, we're gonna have to invest in some of these gaiters (or gay-ters as we used to call them...which is fine).
It's a short drive back to the lovely lodge where we deposit the worst of our wet stuff in the drying room. Back in our room we strip off down to our nudiness, each layer slightly less wet than the previous but still damp through to the pants. Quick shower & change before heading out to the Clachaig Inn (or Craggy Island inn) for our celebratory drinks & pub grub. Take separate vehicles as Jon is feeling lucky tonight, then into the more rustic side of the pub. It's pretty sparse tonight, being a Tuesday, Jon is quite perturbed by the youth in the place (guess he sees it as the preserve of craggy mountain types like himself). Anyhoo, at the bar we request tasters of all the local brew before choosing the Williams lager we had the other night (although Jon goes for one of the ales). Seated, we chat through what surely must be the last of our questions about Mt Elbrus & recount tales of mountains closer & conquered. Jo & I go for the venison pie (culled fresh today I believe), which is all good as I relent & have a go at the local Bees Knees ales. Bid a fond farewell to Jon as we leave him to bond with his own kind in this mountain man enclave.
Back in the lodge we face the rather daunting task of loading all of our now damp & soggy gear back from wence it came. Struggle with it all, combination of so much kit, hard day on the mountain & too much beer. We do, however, complete the final ordeal of the trip, complete with shoehorning it all into the Peugeot F@%$wit. Collapse on the bed, I attempt to write the blog but keep looking down seeing "oche aye the sporon ate me haggis". Jo says we we should pack down, but I say "what will Jemma read of breakfast", to which JT replies "stuff Jemma, turn the light out". I do & promptly fall fast asleep.
Official Chris Hoy Scottish Stats
Man jogger - 3
Bird jogger - 1
Deer - a million billion
Fall Table
JT - 100 (97.5% on the way down from Stob Corrie nan Lochan)
Rachael - 6 (a respectable 2 per day average for the rookie)
Rob - 3 (one in each of the three disciplines)
Scott - 0 (he won't be invited to Whistler with this attitude)
Thanks for all the well wishes from all our friends at home & at work. Hope the blog & the trip lives up to expectations.
So our car went into the garage yesterday for crash repairs (along with various minor scrapes to the windscreen & wheels), we were forced to use this strange tube contraption...with other people!
Anyhoo, we're up at 4am, juice, cereal, even though it was only 10pm we were sitting down to dinner & undoubtedly have another breakfast in the lounge. Addison Lee car turns up at 4:30, we're no where near ready so he'll have to wait. Nice chubby chap loads all our luggage into his Galaxy (had to turn down the S Class they offered due to luggage space). Really quick run through London & we're at Heathrow T5 at 6:10. Quick check-in, chap comes down to check our visas, everything seems to be in order. JT drops the skis off at oversized while I have (possibly) the last fag ever. Through security fast track, into Smiths for a spare Emily (electronic cigarette, explanation available on request) but the shelves are bare, don't get any duty free, may regret that at some point. Through to the lounge for lashings of fine bacon rolls, coffee & pastries. Do the old Facebook check in thing with the obligatory pictures of Jo with food & me with a G&T (it's nearly 8am by now, anyhoo Rach & Jenny said it was ok). We have such a delightful lounge it's 8:30 before we know it & we need to get to B gates. It's all fine though, meet Gordon Ramsey on the way, he's going to Moscow too! The food better be good on the flight. Settled upstairs, the flight attendant tells us they have too much champagne, JT says there's no such thing & downs a couple of glasses to help them out. Being next to the cockpit hear the exchange with the crew, "All passengers on board captain"; "Good, are they all happy...and do they all have a drink?", "Oh yes!" slurs Jo from the next row. Unfortunately the captain's next announcement is the weather in Moscow is as bad as London, ho hum. Jo settles with Savage Summit - The First Woman to Climb K2 as we prepare for take off.
Our third breakfast is served, smoothie, muesli, smoked salmon with caviar (we are heading to Russia), blueberry pancakes & pastry...oh & another glass of champagne. Would be interesting to see the route across Eastern Europe but it's just too darn bright. With the shades down we settle on a film, America Hustle (or should I say American Side Boob). A terrific little film, great acting, particularly from Bale, but all the cast really, intriguing & funny. Cabin lovely brings me a G&T half way through for added enjoyment. So much to see but such a short flight, that's our lot. Hot blonde sails past to the loo, Jo glares at me to say "don't even think about it". Good job too, her name must be Olga Shitondeseat!
Smooth landing at Domodedovo, short taxi as promised by captain Richard, then it's down the stairs & into the elephants trunk. Short jog to passport control where Jo infuriates the guard by knowing nothing about her flight, I'm through quicker as I charm the pants off the redhead serving me. Baggage is, miraculously, all there on the carousel, apart from the skis so we head to oversized. I jump in the lift & panic the poor porter boy, seems it is not for tourists, but Igor soon pops out with them. Final leg through the green channel, quizzical looks from security but we don't get our collars felt. Eventually find our driver peering over the crowd, fittingly he's called Alexander Meerkat.
It's a long & rather dull journey from the airport & we're feeling rather tired so largely nod off until we reach the river. Spot St Basil's Cathedral in all it's splendour, which also tells us we're closing in on our hotel. Another Alexander checks us in to the delicious Baltschug Kempinski & takes us up to our upgraded room. It is huge, overlooking St Basil's, Red Square & The Kremlin. No free iPad like in Vienna though. Spend 15 mins posing at the window with bottles of Vodka before heading out for a wander. Wander doesn't last long as round the corner is a Starbucks, the very symbol of capitalist running dog lackies in the heart of the communist capital. Obviously we can't read the menu & have made no attempt to learn any Russian, but it's a fair bet they do a latte. Actually my comrade has no trouble with tall skinny latte with extra shot & a cookie on the side. We leave the trendy young locals with their mochas & free WiFi & head back to the hotel via concierge for some restaurant tips, then upstairs for quick shower & change before hitting the Moscow nightlife.
We venture out on foot over the bridge & into Red Square, maybe a 5 min walk. Even in the grey cloudy early evening, this is looking quite spectacular. Around every corner & with each changing perspective a new & even more impressive city scape. St Basil's Cathedral at the centre flanked by the grand & beautifully decorated Kremlin, not the stark Soviet enclave I imagined. We walk through the square, continuing to marvel at the architecture until we realise we have no idea what the restaurant we're looking for is called...and we didn't bring the map from the hotel. Nevertheless we do indeed find Ctpaha Kotopon Het (the country with no name). Tis a rather trendy place, infested with gorgeous young Muscovites...smoking shish-a pipes, yep... groups of twenty something girls sitting in a restaurant smoking pipes. Really is a different world, I'm shocked that next to a table of hubbly bubbly girls is a heavily pregnant woman, but she can't complain as her husband lights a fag half way through their meal. Did we travel back in time to the 70s while watching American Hustle? Oh & none of the staff speak any English. All this being the case we do have a most delightful meal, duck rolls & beef stroganoff for JT, beet root & herring salad followed by beef medallions for me.
Walk back through the wonderful buildings, now with a late evening dusky blue hue to the previous dull clouds. It's 10pm now, still not dark & really rather mild, especially as the captain said the weather was like London. Eventually tear ourselves away from photographing Red Square to get back to the hotel in time for Jo to change her outfit for tomorrow 3 times and unpack & repack her bags a further 5 times.
Finally we can settle down for our 5am start, another flight & another long transfer.
Woken at 5am to the sound of Violent Fems from the iPad & crashing waves from the Blackberry. Jo jumps up to put an end to this cacophony, eventually. Quick wash & brush up, final stuff of assorted luggage which we get carted downstairs by the ever helpful Ivan. Checkout & avail ourselves of the early bird buffet of coffee, juice & pastries. Make use of the civilised Russian facilities by having a smoke in the lounge, away from Jo & any heavily pregnant women of course. Give the signal for Ivan to load our luggage into Alexander's waiting people carrier (the same 6 seater for the two of us & our oversized baggage). It's a short & slightly more interesting run along the very efficient 4 lane communist superhighway to Sheremetyevo airport. More of the city this time with oodles of Western capitalism, while the language is indecipherable, all recognisable by brand. Soon enough Mr Meerkat drops us at the door & leaves RUB 500 richer.
Can't quite work out the departures board so just head for Sky priority boarding & hope for the best. Thankfully they were expecting us & we're checked in. Bit of a faff getting out & in of the business class pen to drop our skis at oversized but we're soon through to security check. Security lady barks at Jo every time she puts anything on the conveyer belt, Jo snaps "I don't know what you want me to do", at that point the ever calm Mr Thomas steps in & charms the iron Doris. Now these treks are always a good opportunity to cut down or cut out the smoking but I am feeling a bit concerned with my lack of backup, so go in search of some Rusky Marlboro, have to settle for something called Bond. Next stop lounge, which while not exactly BA Galleries is pretty comparable to foreign lounges, certainly not too far from JFK quality. Coffee, more pastries & a surf of the net before we get a chat from Jon so head off to meet the otters by the gate. I go to shake Jon's hand but JT throws herself at him, I say hi to Robin & Andy before going off for (possibly) my last smoke ever. Meet Giles, Helen, Emily & 1.95m Paul when I get back. Our new gang is very friendly...but also very slim, I'm worried they'll come up with a chubby nickname for me :). Shortly we're boarding the plane where the delightful Irina sees to my every whim. Firstly she sees to my need for cured meats, cheese & pickle, next she satisfies my pancake lust before finally quenching my thirst for coffee. I have other needs but unfortunately I don't know the Russian for that. No matter settle down with Blazing Saddles on the iPad. Such a great film, the beans at the camp fire scene still cracks me up. Jo meanwhile has lapsed into a coma & remains completely out of it for the entire flight. Don't quite finish the film before it's time to pack up before set down.
Safely landed in Minerale Vody, short hop on the mini bus to the quaint terminal while we wait for our bags to come out. I spot what looks like a mobile phone kiosk, which could be my opportunity to snare a cheap local data sim. Alas the girl rejects my mobile advances & I leave frustrated (again). We're reunited with our mountain buddies & shortly followed all, yes all, of our luggage. Plus Jon's mountain of gear, most of which he used the guys travelling with him as mules. Which I'm sure is all fine, I mean bringing heavy bags of stuff into Eastern Europe for a guy you hardly know, then on to a remote part of the Russian wilderness, what would there be to worry about. Having finally carted all the gear onto the grassy knoll outside, Jon breaks the news that the ox cart coming to pick us up has broken down. Ho hum, nothing to do except eat ice cream in the sun 10m from the terminal. It's kinda like a crappy British holiday with your parents, with a lunch stop beside the road. After an hour of boring Andy with incessant questions about "what it's like to be a real pilot", our replacement transport arrives. Haul the 50 or so bags & skis up to the van where our driver Vladimir sets off into the mid afternoon sun.
Interesting start to the journey, listening to everyone's stories of trekking & running 10 marathons back to back, swimming the Atlantic or rowing the Arctic circle. JT & I feel we may be lagging behind this crew, sure they'll be nice about it though. Some interesting scenery but after a while starts to get samey so as the bus falls quiet & Jo returns to her comatosed state, I return to Blazing Saddles. Cricket follows with the first ODI against Sri Lanka, then maybe a little doze. Quick rest stop on the way, but other than that plod on through. Jo has tales of castles & Alpine ski resorts that she somehow saw through her eyelids. All I see is run down communist apartment blocks.
Arrive at the Chegnet ski resort & lodge, where there's more humping of bags before settling into our respective rooms. It is in fact a single concrete building in the middle of the woods, where if Jon's mules have not delivered the contraband may well be where we're murdered tonight. While basic & a little unfinished, it is meticulously clean. I've been paired with JT, so that's handy. Shuffle things round in our bags a bit then settle down with Peep Show. Next we attempt to have a shower but no matter how hard or in what direction Jo tugs on the various knobs she's found in the bathroom, she fails to get any liquid. In the end she needs to get several East European men to help her (just like the video I saw on the internet). Eventually showered & freshen up, we head down for our briefing, Jon tells us we're just going for a bit of a bimble tomorrow. The downstairs for dinner. A plate of tomatoes & cucumber to start (Jo 's favourite), followed by beetroot stew then mutton & buckwheat. Further getting to know everyone over food, until the constant & excessively loud lift music from the American crew drive us upstairs.
Upstairs we do some more pottering before lights out
Thank you Mikey, hope the blog lives up to your expectations. I am certainly aiming for a variation to the BBC coverage of Mother Russia.
Alarm at 7, feel pretty refreshed after an early night last night. Quick wash up, pack the essentials in the bag, then down to breakfast. Breakfast is good, porridge & eggs (not together). Back up to the room to grab our gear then off to the ski lift, via the village bank. This involves climbing through a rebar fence & making our way into a semi abandoned arcade. The bank isn't open but the arcade has a decrepit urban charm, kind of. From here we make our way across to the chair lift, which is similarly a little run down & little sign of life, apart from the soldiers waiting outside. We hang around a while, while the locals come in & out, possibly they work there or maybe they're just taking a shortcut through town. Eventually what seems like the boss man turns up & they fire the ancient wheels into life. I will probably be hung by the Scott's for saying this...but it reminds me a lot of Glencoe. Jo & I jump on and head up through the trees for the short but picturesque ride up to mid stations. Quick change onto the single chair & we're finally up at the snow line.
It's a beautiful, warm sunny day, getting a little chilly at the top of the chair so we pop on our jackets & gloves. Well us Southerners do, the Northern crew are in shorts but thankfully they keep their shirts on. We push on up through the snow, onto the rocks, sometimes sinking deep into the snow, sometimes scrambling over rocks. While obviously this is one of the easiest climbs of the trip, it's the first acclimatisation hike & we're puffing a bit, soon recover when we have a little stop though. It's a bit of a big push to the summit of Mt Chegnet, but we make it with relative ease. I bags a nice spot out of most of the wind as it's a little chilly on top. Gather round for summit photos, as you do. Robin makes the most of his looky-looky pole with a 360 degree selfie. Seeing the attention Robin is getting with his extending appendage, Andy whips his out too, offering everyone a go on it. Andy seems to be the king of gadgets, he's got a wind speed / chill / direction gizmo & something that measures your blood oxygen, heart rate, blood pressure, penis girth. After this excitement we all settle down for a snack & a rest, I read The Times, today's Times that is, on a peak on the border with Georgia!
Rest time over, Jon calls "roight you lart, let's be aving ya", so we all pack ourselves off & trundle back down the slope we climbed an hour earlier. It's a tricky descent, as it often is, slip sliding & some big steps. Jo & I are at the back of the group, who are all gathered at the top of a snowy pitch. Having been in Scotland with Jon we can guess what's coming next so we slip into our new waterproof pants, pack our poles away & prepare to bum slide all the way down. Everyone seems to be enjoying it as the speeds & the screams intensify with each slide. It is jolly good fun & the Northern super athletes run back up the slope to do it again. We reach a cross roads with most of the group traversing across the rocks, the Northern crew are off for some more bum sliding, I'm torn between the two, but in the end I go for the bum. It's fun & fast on the way down, but it's tough on the traverse between rocks, I'm a little behind the elite athletes, finally catch them up but they're practically jogging. I spot Robin further back so decide to sit & wring my socks out & wait for him. It's a short hop from here to the the top of the lift so we're there in no time. Shortly followed by the trekking party so we're straight onto the lifts & down to the valley.
Safely back in Glencoe, sorry I mean Chegnet, we head straight for the pub, order 9 beers, salads, chips & enough kebabs to feed the Russian army. Put all our soaking wet kit out to dry in the hot Southern sun. My spacebo (thank you) is coming on so well I get the waitress to teach me "you're welcome", I immediately forget it but then, how often are the Ruskies going to be thanking me. Local entertainment is provided while we wait as a big herd of sheep are driven through town, bleating all the way. All the townsfolk gather round, all 5 of them. Beers downed, chicken & sheep kebabs polished off, we're all feeling rather stuffed. Quick pitstop to drop our gear off, then it's off into the main town. Pop into an outdoor shop, it's all rather expensive & there's nothing any of us really needs or wants. Cary on into the main town, which seems to consist of a corner shop, I eye the Winston smokes but resist, enthralled by the rather large dried fish on the counter, resist them too. Actually we resist everything in the shop (would have had an iced coffee if they had one), so we leave empty handed from our excursion & head back to our little home.
Back in the room we're both feeling a little pooped so have a little potter & lay on the bed. All too short though as we realise it's 6 o/c & time to get ready for dinner, which neither of us fancy as we had our blow out at 3pm. Wash my pants in the shower, then dress for dinner. Quick gathering down stairs before heading into the dining room. Dinner consists of tomato & cucumber salad (again), mutton broth & dumpling reminiscent of Mo-Mos in Nepal. Lots of chat over dinner, Robin & Andy are begged for stories of dangerous, amusing or embarrassing tales from their flights, but there are few, possibly disappointing but reassuring. Back up to the WiFi rich lobby for a showing of the Kili video shot by Ben on our trip last year. Amongst the chat I must knuckle down & write the blog. Jo's feeling rather tired so head upstairs to pack our gear & finish today's masterpiece.
World suitably updated, we hit the sack for some well earned shut eye.
Alarm at 7 again & again feel pretty good, rested & refreshed. Little potter around the room, ablutions, then down to breakfast. This starts with a couple of pancakes, followed by porridge, followed by a couple of fried eggs. It's all pretty good while we chat about mountain stuff, as us mountain folk do. Quick stop in the room to collect our gear for today, for today we are heading up to the barrels. We're taking some supplies up, along with our skis, so there is the promise of some long anticipated skiing, Rusky style. Load ourselves into the mini van then it's off to town via the bank & general stores. The bank once again says "net" to our guide & friend, luckily there is at least one banker amongst us who offers Jon a payday loan at very reasonable rates. So we can progress to the corner shop for all the water & Coke they have. Loaded back onto the bus we're off to gondola stations, where we load all our gear & fluids onto the cable car. Interesting journey up with our Russian friends all dressed by Sports Direct & a rare glimpse (for us) of a ski area in summer, all barren & rocky through the runs. Change cars at mid stations, where everything is looking decidedly snowy. Next comes the tricky task of negotiating all our supplies, gear & ourselves onto a single seater chair. Which we actually manage with some efficiency, not that I'm surprised in the least. I'm sent up first as a kind of receiver, as our American cousins would say. I'm greeted by a masked lifty, who shepherds me off the lift. I grab a couple of bottles of water, a ski bag, then a Jo. We form a team of efficiency until Jo has a slight mishap with a bottle that doesn't want to release, at that point masked lifty takes control & banishes us to hoovering up his booty. Soon enough though we have many hands to make light work of the task. All gear supplies & expedition team accounted for we head for the barrels. They indeed have a rusty charm, these disused oil drums painted in the new Russia colours & nestled into the snow. Only we're not staying in them, apparently they're infested with mice & taking on water. Jon tells us we have the new accommodation round the corner, I put in a request for a superior room with en suite. I'm not sure Jon heard me as we seem to be shown to a shipping container lined with plywood with 8 bunks in it. I'm sure that's just temporary storage for our gear & we'll be in our real room with rainmaker shower & Molton Brown toiletries tomorrow.
The skiers & boarder rush in as soon as Jon opens the containers, eager to swap hiking for sliding. The walking mammals & Giles "the boarder" set off while we get all our various paraphernalia together, waterproof pants, boots, skins on skis, touring bindings set, skis on feet & we're ready to go. Robin sets off like the experienced ski tourer he is, Jo & set off like the ski touring novices we are. It's heavy going as our technique isn't great & at 3,500m it's a real test for a first timer. I'm puffing & panting as we go, wondering where Jon got this notion that it's easier than waking, but then, would I find walking any easier at this altitude. The walkers are a dot in the distance, but then they did get a head start & they are also the ultra athlete crew. It's tough going all the way but as our technique improves it at least doesn't get any harder. Eventually we make it to the otters who are waiting patiently for us, relaxing in the Elbrus sun. Jon sends the two footed creatures off first as we whip our skins off & get set for the infinitely easier ski down. Although it is a bit tricky at first, it's not groomed (obviously) & our first time on these new powder skis. The snow feels quite sticky at first but as we let the skis run it feels more malleable & we glide nicely. Soon enough we're putting in long sweeping turns & flying past the hikers. Arrive at the containers in about the same number of minutes as hours it took us to struggle up. I float the idea of skiing down to the lift & riding back up, but I'm not getting any takers. So an interesting first adventure of ski touring, well I'm not about to shun the lift to skin up & it is a big slog for a very quick run down, but I've got to believe my friend Jon's advice, it's easier than hiking, once you get used to it.
Quick pitstop in the huts to deposit our ski gear then it's over to the lift down & onto the two gondolas. Usual selection of classy locals with us on the way down, pink & black Adidas girl, Prada man-bag man are amongst the delights. Jump off at Cheget village where we stumble into the nearest cafe-bar, order beers & a more modest selection of kebabs & fries from the buxom serving wench. Emily does not join us for lunch, she's feeling very rough so takes refuge in the nearby woods. There's much speculation on poor Emily's condition, the water, the food, the altitude. Helen & 1.95m Paul are good friends, taking turns to visit her with selections of food (which Paul eats on the way), medication & support. Meanwhile back at the table, salads demolished, the chicken & veal kebabs arrive & are all good. Jo quizzes everyone on their marital status, Most are pretty straightforward, Helen gives us her brief but interesting relationship history, then piles the pressure on Jon's 3 1/2 dates, he declines to comment on my question on consummation (I have to give hand signals to educate the poor boy). With lunch & everyone's secrets demolished, we pick up poor poorly Emily & jump on the bus back to the hotel, via the bumpiest roads in Southern Russia.
Back in our little den, we're feeling rather pooped & a trifle over sunned so flomp on the bed for a bit, well an hour & a half actually. Finally rouse ourselves for a shower & a hair wash (for Jo). We hang our clothes out on the balcony in an attempt to dissipate the smell from every cafe in town burning all the wood they can lay their hands on. Down to reception where everyone has gathered to soak up the free WiFi (see Whistler Westin the Russians can do it). 7:30 comes round & it's time for dinner. Starter of yet another tomato, cucumber & dill salad is not most people's favourite, but the excellent stewy broth goes down very well, as does the chicken & mashed potatoes in creamy saucy. Speaking of sauce the usually sour old restaurant commandant must have got some this afternoon as she is in a most joyous mood, providing animal impressions as she serves (either that or she knows she's rid of us for 5 days). Dinner over we all bid goodnight, before meeting each other again in reception to satisfy our social media lust for the last time in a while. As the group dwindles, leaving Jon & ourselves to communicate through Facebook & email from the same sofa.
Feeling rather tired & having exhausted the interweb we say goodnight & head upstairs to jump into jammies & bed. Jo was rather hoping all this hiking, skinning & skiing would stretch her dicky leg she's had under the doctor. Unfortunately, rather than being a miracle cure, has resulted in strained quad muscles which has compensated for her dickiness in the other part of her leg, who'd have thunk it. Anyhoo, Voltorol rubbed in its time for lights out & nighty nights.
I wake before the alarm this morning to find an intruder in my bunk, have a little panic before realising it's my wife, so I guess that's allowed. Alarm goes off & is the signal to get ourselves together for the last time in our little home from home. Suitably washed & brushed up we head down for breakfast. It's a little slow today, Jo thinks it's Sunday service. Porridge is so good though, it's been good every morning but today is so good. So good in fact I ask for some more, like a Russian Oliver Twist if you like. Obviously with my limited Russian, this involved pointing at my bowl, pointing at myself & saying "eaty-eaty". Jo rolls her eyes & apologises to our teammates, but I get my porridge & it is sooooooo good. Can't manage my eggs though. With breakfast done, it's back up to our rooms to pack up our belongings. Getting all the stuff that came out of our bags when we arrived, back in the same bag to leave is surprisingly challenging, but in it all goes, apart from my ice axe, so I guess it doesn't all go in. We all hump all our gear down & ultimately into the waiting van. Leave our passports at the hotel so the villagers can travel round Europe while we're on the mountain. Quick stop at the general shop, where we grab some postcards, that we won't write & won't be able to post even if we did. Next is the ferrying of the mountain of gear in two cable cars up the mountain. Not satisfied with picking up all manner of luggage, Jon picks up a 12 year old girl on the way too (wonder where he's going to put her). Finally the loading & unloading of gear onto the single chair & the not insubstantial carting round to the barrels. 1.95m Paul takes 20 bags & 9 rucksacks & jogs uphill through the snow, leaving the rest of us to carry a tin of Pringles & a carton of juice each.
As mentioned yesterday, the barrels are condemned so we're actually in containers, but Jon's sentimental about the barrels so I'll continue to call them barrels. Robin, Jo & I have already bagged one hut with our drying ski gear & graciously allow Andy & Giles to join us. Works out pretty well with 4 lots of double bunks between 5 as we can use three for storage, sleep on the others with extra bedding, maybe a little too well as we have more mattresses than the Princess with the Pea & head clearance could be an issue. We get ourselves sorted out best we can in the middle of the day & pretty soon it's lunch time, so we file down to the mess tent, sorry I mean mess container, sorry Jon mess barrel. Lunch is beautifully laid out with all manner of meats & condiments, which we all load into a variety of wraps that in normal circumstances would make most people retch, but here & now it all seems so right. I'm particularly pleased with my half desert wrap of peanut butter & Nutella. Coffee & tea is served then it's time to break out the cards. We play two of the most overly complicated games ever conceived, that seems to involve whoever dreamt up the game making the rules up as they go. Jo volunteers for the washing up after, I leap to her assistance in case the otters decide to play strip canasta. The mountain of washing up down we head outside to join in a game of Nerf ball throwy-throwy, which again is a rather more exhausting at 3,800m & in snow, deep in places, especially when Andy's rifle like arm is behind it.
Fun & games over we head into our huts, sorry Jon barrels for some chit chat, reading & blogging in our bags. Following some rest & light snoring from my barrel mates, there's a move to the mess hut for more 80s disco & strip backgammon, I stay behind for some quiet time with the Times. Some good news, the Sudanese foreign secretary has agreed to release Meriam Ibrahim & the Arch Bishop's special envoy has been negotiating for the release of the school girls in Northern Nigeria. Elsewhere the Sunday Times has reignited the campaign to move the 2022 World Cup from Qatar. I drag myself together & have a bunk wash & change into my camp gear (that's gear to wear around camp, not a dress). JT returns & we change places while she washes & I pop our dinner in the pot, Thai Green Curry tonight & it's not bad, chocolate pudding for afters is decent too. In fact all the boil in the bag mountain meals go down well with the mountain folk. I'm forced to join in with the latest card game, The Bum Fondle, Robin wins both times.
Next follows the obligatory JCG lecture on the plan for tomorrow, after that we're all ready for nighty nights, so we jump into our mountain jammies & hop into our little mountain bunks.
Not for the first time by any stretch, Jo wakes up in a room with 4 blokes and as usual she didn't get a wink of sleep. Consensus from the hut is not a great night sleep, the main complaints being too hot, too thirsty or needing a wee. Giles & I slept the best, perhaps that's because we are young & virtuous. Jo heads for the loo & pop the gas on, only to find Jon in the mess barrel who requests that she goes out just in her Skins baselayers today. Spurred on by this I saunter over to the mess in my Skins leggings, Jon is similarly impressed so perhaps we'll treat him to my legs & Jo's top half, like some sort of modern day Centaur if you will. Breakfast is served, but alas there is only 8 of us again as Emily's symptoms have returned. The remaining Northern crew are surprisingly spritely considering they have been up half the night too. Breakfast is good though, not quite Hotel Cheget, but maple (flavour) porridge & brioche (warmed over the pan), along with instant cappuccino.
Satisfied with our lot we head back to our barrel where the carbon monoxide alarm is going off, well it would be if they fitted them to shipping containers, either way Robin has made our hut uninhabitable for a few minutes. No matter it is a glorious morning, warm & the sun shining. Finally the green mist clears & we can go in to get our stuff together for our trek today. Goggles, crampons (just in case), snackage, into the Skins as promised, then the ski skins on the skis, feet in boots & away with go. Well apart from Captain Faff (Robin), but I'm sure he'll be overtaking us in 100m. Set off at a decent pace, feeling more comfortable than last time, more dragging, less picking up of the foot with 5kg of extra weight. We trundle up the same path we took the other day, steady as we go, not necessarily much quicker put certainly much easier. Having said all that, the other touring mammals, along with the hiking mammals are a fair way in front. If we we're being tracked by a wild cougar I think we would be the ones picked off, the slow, sickly ones at the back of the herd.
We have an extended rest stop just above Saturday's target, taking on water & extra snacks. Jon announces we'll push on for another 150m, should take us about 45 minutes. I thought that was a good indication for the uninitiated of the terrain & effort involved. 150m on the flat at sea level would take about 20 seconds, but at 4,000m, up a steep incline, in snow, is 45 mins. Good to Jon's word we arrive at our 4,500m target in about 45 mins, 3 1/2 hours after heading out. Quick mint cake break (thanks 1.95m Paul), pull the skins off & set ourselves up for the ski decent. Jo struggles into her bindings & sets off...only she's forgotten her bag so Helen runs after her, now she sets off...only she falls over. JT & I have a pleasantish ski down, there is some smooth snow but it's all very wet & heavy, but we're not complaining & it sure beats walking down. We spot the barrels & go for it down the final pitch, a mere 26 mins from starting down. Then it's time to kick off all the snow & plonk our stuff out in the sun to dry. Next is a little kick back time on our bunks before lunch is served.
Lunch is again a fine fair, all manor of concoctions that would only work on the mountain. I see 1.95m Paul putting together Pepperami & jam, but he claims the meat is for him & the jam wrap is for poorly Emily. He does disappear out of the hut with the wrap, but we all know what happened to the bread he was supposed to deliver. Jon installs a monitor in Emily's hut to check in on her & make sure she's getting the food she orders (clearly Jon doesn't trust the boy either). I go for the classic desert wrap again, where my fellow diners are aghast at the amount of peanut butter! It's good though. The now customary post lunch card game ensues, with rules including 3s are invisible (so why have them), 7s are magic (really, like Paul Daniels then) & 5s do something else I can't possibly imagine. Try in vain to upload the blog but fail, even pinching Jon's Hotspot. Ho hum, retire to our barrel to transfer photos, kick off today's blog & have a little wash up. Back in the mess barrel we drink tea, dunk biscuits & watch The Inbetweeners, episodes 1-3, including the classic, "He touched us here, the bum hole". Potter & chat, Giles works in insurance & is based around the Minneries, a favourite nightlife spot for our gang when we worked in the City. He's also seen The Wombats & The Prodigy live, so the boy his quite a diverse taste in music.
Quick jog back to the bed barrel to collect our boil in bag chicken tikka & treacle pudding afters, which are deposited in the boiling pot momentarily. Both are very tasty, we've been very pleased with our selection so far. Cup of jub after dinner while we talk with Andy & 1.95m Paul, who very kindly seems interested in banking, so I reward them with an over complicated explanation of the market. Andy does tell us his progress to his own lofty heights in the airline industry, which follows the tried & tested route we've heard & read about. Don't get chance to quiz 1.95m Paul on his profession, but do make friends with Thomas from another group, who is a bank manager at Santander in Frankfurt.
With an early start in the morning, we say our goodnights & head into the cold night air for a brush of the toothy pegs then back to the hut to make preparations for a quick getaway tomorrow. Bags packed & skins attached to skis. So all that's left is to wrap up the blog in bed & dream of mountains. Here's hoping Emily is well enough to make at least part of the trip tomorrow & continues to improve.
6am & the call for rouse, rouse goes up in our little gulag from home. Drag our little bodies out of our warm & cosy sacks & file into the mess hut. It's golden syrup Alpen & honey porridge for me & the missus respectively followed by cappuccino sachet & cup of tea. Chat with our fellow hikers as we come & go with our early morning routines. We've had heavy snow last night, about 20cm, which would have scuppered anyone's hopes of summitting last night. It has also made the carrier bag gaiter sported by Andy, de rigour around camp this morning. We're all feeling pumped & make a good start, Emily has joined the party too. We may be pumped but the route out of camp is a little sapping with the strong wind & icy snow whipping our faces. We plough on though & make good progress skinning up the hill. The walkers are making good pace as usual, charging up like its a Saturday afternoon stroll. Visibility is down to the hand in front of your face at some points, it's grim but we push on with the tried & tested method of putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there, eventually.
We settle into a rhythm & while not breaking any world records we're making good progress & ticking off the markers. Pretty soon, well after 3 hours we're reached yesterday's peak of 4,500m, so just another 500m to go. The next section, however is seriously steep & can not be skinned straight up, we need to zig zag, as we can see both the walkers & skinners up ahead doing. This really is energy draining as not only are you not making as much progress up, you have to cover more distance & to top it all off lifting your skis at every zig & every zag. It's a white out too, we can kinda hear voices but we can see bugger all. We struggle up, our steps getting shorter & our breathers getting longer. We agree we'll stop at the ridge to see if we can make out any flags, people or footprints. We make it to the ridge & we can see none of the above. I head up for a quick scout on foot, still nothing so agree to radio Red Leader. Then a voice from the mist calls out Marco, we make the customary reply, Polo. Could this be another human being lost like us in the wastelands of Mount Elbrus or are we imagining voices like shipwrecked souls, desperate for contact...since 7:30 this morning. It is in fact Red Leader, dead ahead apparently, so either I've got snow blindness or he's wearing a white onesie with a white bobble hat. We skin up, more in hope than expectation that we will find an owner for the discombobulated voice, but true to the mystery voice's word Jon & Giles are there waiting patiently for us. We have a little rest & some Kendal Mint Cake, then Jon tells us we're at 4,750m, a mere 60m short of Mont Blanc, the highest mountain in Western Europe. So we boot pack it up (still bloody hard work) until Jon waves at us to indicate we've reached the magic height. Going down is much easier & we soon rejoin our comrades. Shortly after Andy & 1.95m Paul arrive having ploughed on with super human resolve up to 5,000m. We share some of our D7 mango, the pride of the Philippines, as a reward for their Herculean efforts.
Soon enough Robin arrives & we're slipping into the downhill mode of the skis Jon has kindly prepared for us. It's pretty heavy going, visibility is still low & of course we're still around 4,800m. However, Jo attacks like one of her favourite blacks in Whistler...and takes a tumble. Robin makes use of a rare opportunity these days of picking up a girl & they're both back on their skis. Jo continues to charge at the hill, forgetting that she's been charging up it for the last 5 hours & still has a weakness in her left leg. The inevitable falls ensue, until out of desperation she takes my advice & takes it slow. Things pick up from here as Jo's confidence improves in parallel with the visibility & snow conditions. In fact the last km or so is skied smoothly, with style & we arrive into camp with some aplomb, unfortunately there's no on there to see us. They're all in the mess barrel (well I had the key to our barrel), they all cheer as they see our forlorn faces at the door. We make a quick pitstop before joining in with the loaded wrap lunch contest. Emily was out training today & making progress.
The cards come out after lunch, so I join JT in the kitchenette, the washing up is preferable to another round of 10s burn & 2s are wild. With everything spick & span we head back to our barrel, which I vow not to leave until the mountain shrinks. Chat to Andy who, was, enjoying some quiet time. Strip off out of our outer gear, including my sock to display the gross hanging weeping flesh that once was my heel. We decide to rest a while why recovering from my foot horror, then it's bed bath time (without the benefit of any Cary On nurses). Our bunk mates return, Jo offers to give them all a bed bath in the nurses uniform she brought up with her, but I drag her out like a good husband would. I make it up to JT by allowing her to make me a mocha while I break the back of the blog.
We're soon joined by our fellow legionaries for our evening boil in the bag ritual. JT & I have chilli con carne followed by sticky toffee pudding, the bagged variety is not The Oxo Tower but is a decent in the circumstances. Everyone is pretty pleased & scoffed with relish. Post dinner cards come out as I continue to drain the last out of the Sunday Times. Jo treats the gathered brethren to the last two days blog read out in her best Sunday reading voice, punctuated by the trumpet that Jon seems to have been shoved up his ass.
With the air in the mess barrel deteriorating, we decide it's time to hit the bunks. Tomorrow is a rest day so we plan to descend to metropolis of Cheget for the forgotten cheese & some much needed WiFi. Also a chance for a last BBQ before Thursday's summit attempt.
Last night I agreed with Andy & Giles I would get up with them at 5:40 to watch the sunrise, kinda romantic thing that 3 guys do together. So this morning in my shallow sleep I can hear a rustling at the other end of the barrel, I work out it's the guys preparing for their early morning photo shoot. It's warm & cosy in my bag so I figure I'll just pretend I haven't heard them, act gutted when they tell me how romantic it was then snag their photos later. Trouble is that Andy calls my name & he's far too nice a guy to ignore so I immediately 'fess up & jump up. Outside in just my baselayers & down jacket it's pretty fecking freezin, but it is romantic. I enquire the time from Giles who admits he had just been to the loo, saw how romantic it was so made the call at 5:20. It is stunning though, oh & did I mention romantic. Pop back inside to change cameras to find the sound of the sea coming from Andy's alarm (presumably he set the alarm for the far more reasonable time of 5:40) can't see anyone in Robin's bunk but there are even stranger sounds coming from Jo's bunk than Andy's iPhone. Back outside for more photos until three of my fingers drop off so decide to call it a morning & go back inside.
Semi aroused some time later I'm feeling warmer & can see the sun streaming through the window, figure it must be about 7, peer round the hut & Andy announces it's 9:15! Jo says she hasn't slept in this long since she was 12, obviously discounting every Sunday morning when I bring her breakfast in bed. Horrified at our laziness we hot foot it to the mess hut for some rest day porridge & pastry warmed over the snow boiling pot. Emily, Helen, Jon & Giles are off for some extra acclimatisation with a trip on the snow mobile up to 4,800m. They tear off at high speed & with high pitched squeals, not sure what the girls made of that.
Jo & I are off for a little excursion of our own, venturing into the big smoke in the valley, alone. Get our survival kit together, pause to laugh at the hilarity being generated by Robin's Zoo photo shoot. He's fully decked out in his summit gear, with 1.95m Paul shovelling snow over him, while Andy squeezes off the snaps. Maybe I'll have to buy a copy if he get's published, just to support my fellow mountaineer of course & not to ogle the jugs. The single chair doesn't run on weekdays so we're trekking down to the cable car, it's slushy but pretty easy doing & we make it in about 30 mins. Ring Anna from the top to arrange our lift & pretty soon we're meeting Andrei at the bottom in his fancy Toyota ute. Short ride back to the hotel where we tell Andrei we're picking up vital mountain supplies from Jon's bag. With the cheese bagged we tell Andrei we're going to knick the hotel's WiFi for a bit before heading back. Three blogs with accompanying photos uploaded, emails checked (nothing from the useless garage in response to the mail we sent from Moscow). Andrei is back dead on time to take us back to the cable car. Decide since we're out, might as well go out, out & have some BBQ lunch. Unfortunately our favourite from the other day is being renovated so we head to the busy place next door. Put our order in for 2 Sprites & 6 chicken kebabs (with accompanying clucking & flapping), go back to clarify 2 for here & 4 to take away. All pretty smooth, why bother learning Russian?
Back in the cable car, quick WC stop at mid stations (got to use all the facilities available) then back on the second car to the top. Find the skidoo taxi rank & barter for our passage. Boris says we need 2 skidoos, RUB 1,000 each! We tell him he's robbing us, we need 1 skidoo for 2 people RUB 300 each. We settle on RUB 1,000 in total, well we're not going to hike all the way back up! A fun little ride & the skidoo does struggle up the steeper sections but we make it. Jo rushes into the mess hut & announces "anyone order kebab takeaway?", think she was practicing that all the way up. The kebabs go down very well, with the accompanying dill of course. The cheese is appreciated too, just not sure when we're going to break that out though. Chit chat over the remnants of lunch, then Illy arrives, our Russian guide. I'm thinking he might say, "you English going to the top? You will certainly die", but he doesn't, he mainly say ok. Jon sits down with his notebook & laptop, we all stare at him intensely waiting for a summit prep talk, instead he says "roight you lart, what film do you faaaancy then". Everyone puts in their requests, settle on Django Unchained, then everyone buggers off back to their barrels.
JT has a little crisis of conscience on the way back, worried she will hold everyone up on the way down, but the response from me is soundly echoed by our bunk mates Andy & Robin, "No! We do this together & it takes as long as it takes, as long as we're all safe!". With that settled we get down to the business of getting our gear together, top hat goes in first, warm clothes out, skins on skis, water topped up, think we're as prepared as we can be at this stage. Giles arrives & we enquire how the hard hitting Tarrantino Classic was going, he says, nah we watched Inbetweeners instead. Jon follows shortly after having had his fill of adolescent humour to give us a chivy up for early dinner. As always we follow our illustrious leaders orders by filing in, after we've all had a good old faff of course.
In the mess barrel we all put our bags into boil & Jon gets his game face on. This is one lecture we've all been waiting for, the summit night pep talk. In all seriousness (for once) Jon is, as always, impeccable, striking the balance between serious description of the ascent, key aspects we all need to consider, praise for our achievements so far, encouragement & positivity reigns throughout. Everyone is undoubtably feeling calmer for it. Next it's down to the other serious business, getting some food inside us in preparation for tomorrow's feat of endurance. With that done & the obligatory toilet stops, we head to our respective barrels for a last wash up & pack of our summit supplies. Then it's early nighty nights for these prospective mountaineers.
Not much sleep going on in my bag, not much in the rest of the hut by the sounds of it to. Andy's alarm goes off at 2am with a kinda disco effect on the ceiling, he jumps up & declares "Let's go climb a mountain". I'm slightly envious of his, at least outward, enthusiasm, I'm feeling a little jaded & apprehensive about the task in hand. I prepare my blisters as best I can with the Compeed Andy gave me last night, then slip on the skins, while Jo's have mysteriously ended up in Andy's bunk. All guess what the right layering should be for the set off, it hasn't been Arctic cold but it is the middle of the night. File into the mess barrel for some pre-summit porridge & pain au chocolate, then all file out again to get our boots on. The night sky is amazing, the star so clear you can see the Milky Way, I've got a special night sky feature on my new camera, if only I knew where it was. It's ski boots, or mountaineering boots for the walking mammals & crampons on. Lash my skis & ice axe to my rucksack, grab our poles & we're as ready as we'll ever be. Clambering onto the Snow Cat with all this clobber is the first of our challenges this evening.
We have a Snow Cat taking us to 4,700m, so a little explanation for the uninitiated in case that sounds like cheating. The topography, climate & logistics don't really make it practical to ascend along a trail over a succession of days to reach the summit. Instead we have hiked up from the valley at 2,000, then migrated to the barrels at 3,800m, where we have hiked to 4,500m & 4,810m. So we have climbed the whole distance, just in a succession of ups & downs.
Snow Cat ride is quite fun, we gaze some more at the amazing sky, I wonder what would happen if you fell into the tracks. We all clamber off & get our gear strapped to our respective backs, then we're off. We all file in behind Uli (our Russian guide), all apart from Robin who is ski touring up the slope alone. Jo leaves her skis at the drop off point to collect on the way down. I'm carrying mine to the summit, or as long as I can. Looks like the earlier explorers have already made steps in the steep slope but we're all appreciative of Uli stamping them in & setting the pace. It's pretty steep, we have to side step or zig zag up, seems to go on forever. We all stay together, apart from Robin who is a forlorn figure on the side of the piste, all in pretty good spirits too. We have a rest stop after an hour, it's gone quick & we're all feeling good. It's a good time to take on water, although our bladders have frozen & our bottles have icebergs in them. Soon enough we're on the move again, continuing up the steep slope, JT & I are still feeling good at this stage, keeping pace with the ultra athletes, albeit the pace regulated by Uli. An hour later it's time for a second stop, Jo's not so good this time, she's got cold & can't warm up, she didn't want to bother anyone by putting another layer on. She's in a bit of a bad way actually but Jon sorts it out with a down jacket, thermo-gloves & some hot tea. JT back on track, it's time to hit the trail again. It's around 5am now & the sun is just appearing over the horizon, making the scenery ever more spectacular. Jo gets a great shot of Robin's lonely ski touring against the red morning ski. There's a little faffing going on behind me in the group, I stop to figure out what's going on & fall a bit behind the rest of the group, can't find the energy to close the gap.
We continue our progress up the slope until we reach a small ridge, yeah I declare to myself, a bit of flat will recover me. Unfortunately it's a 10m flat, then starts straight up again. We're at around 5,000m now, so getting into new territory, for this trip at least. Spirits are still high though, everyone calling out "how you doing" up & down the line. Giles has decided to leave his board, not sure if thats because of the weight or the constant abuse he gets from Jon for being a boarder. Robin has ended his lone vigil on skis, exchanging them for crampons, lashing his skis to his pack & joining the rest of the walking mammals. Still keeping up with the pack, although dropped to the back now, with Jo, not sure whether she's struggling too or just sticking with me. Check in with JT at the next rest stop, she is indeed struggling, but then we're all struggling, it's just a matter of degrees.
We've reached the top of the slope, with spectacular views of the surrounding peaks & mountain ranges in the glow of the early morning. We now have a traverse around the lower peak, into the saddle & into the sun. It's getting really tough now, even though this is relatively flat, we're falling about 10m behind the pack. I know that the sun offers warming powers of recovery but I just can't make my body go any faster, so we just plod on towards the resting party lounging in the sun. We do at last make it into the light & it is good, good to have a rest stop too. Jon pops over for a little pep talk, suggests I leave my skis here, I say I'll take it under advisement, we do take a Diamox under our leaders advice. A rather amusing, yet embarrassing toilet related incident ensued, but what happens on the mountain stays on the mountain & that's certainly staying on the mountain.
We now face the long & steep final face of the mountain. The trail is quite clear from the worn out trail & those already on the slope. It doesn't look too bad & other than 100m or so at the top, this is it. We've made it clear to Jon we're good to continue but can't match the pace of the rest of the group. We push on up the slope with the rest of the crew, bringing up the rear. Manage to make it to the next rest stop, it's so tough now...it's so tough I don't know how to describe it. Uli has been placed as our pacemaker now, presumably because he'll whip us if we fall too far behind. Jon likes to leave these sorts of tasks to his hired henchmen. We continue to push up the slope with Gupta's henchman breathing down our necks, but even so I just have to stop to catch my breath every 10 steps or so. Uli turns & glares but I just need to catch my breath. We're on the final pitch now, about 20m from the top. Jon calls back that this would be an ideal place to leave my skis, his advice, for once, falls on deaf ears. I know we're going to make it but don't know if I can summon up the energy at the same time. I figure Uli will allow us some rest at the top but no, he uses his walking pole as a improvised beating stick to drive us on. There's still no sign of the summit but we know it's close & push on. In my oxygen starved delirious state I'm beginning to think that maybe there is no summit, maybe this just goes on & on forever, just wave after wave of crests building false hope. Arriving at the next crest we can see the summit, it's 150m of relatively flat terrain leading to the mound of a summit. We can also see Jon's rucksack & skis laid at the side of the trail, I figure I can allow myself this if old yak lungs has ditched his, so lay down mine too. I sink to my knees, just have to have a few minutes rest. Even with the 10kgs off my back it's still seems an awful long way & still awful tough. Seeing our comrades on the summit does give us the extra drive & we make the final push.
The final, final push up the mound is upon us as Uli steps to one side to allow us to reach the summit unimpeded. First Giles, then 1.95m Paul, Helen & Emily come down from the summit to hug & congratulate us & to get off the exposed peak. We join Jon, Andy, Robin & some random Scandawegian on the summit, more hugs all round (not for the Scandawegian, he was random). Now, I'm quite fond of a hug, but those of our teammates have more warmth than an Everest summit suit & we feel rejuvenated for our celebrations. We try to soak it all in, get all the photos we want, but, as this is not our first rodeo, we are realistic about how many permutations we get through. Shot with our bunk mates Andy & Robin (sadly no Giles) & with our friend & leader Jon, with the top hat front & centre of course. Robin having toured & carried his skies all the way to the summit! The views are spectacular, truly spectacular, perfect weather, not a cloud in the sky, except for a scattering below us. One always imagines spending an eternity on the summit to justify the effort to get there, but it's exposed & you need to start thinking about getting down. As a guide I know, wise beyond his years said, getting to the top is optional, getting back down is mandatory.
We make our way down, which is indeed surprisingly easier than 20 mins ago in the opposite direction. Say my farewells for now to JT as she is hiking down with the mammals to 4,700m.Takes me an age to set up my skis, even long enough for Robin to get there, but Jon helps me out & soon enough the three of us are skiing. It's a steep icy first pitch & rather challenging with burnt out legs, but we do turn & traverse down & across the slope. Skiers & walkers meet up at the saddle for a breather. I acknowledge JT's arrival but she doesn't have the energy to walk over to me & I can't manage to step back to her. JCG shares out the Percy Pigs, one I pluck out of the air, the next lands beyond me so I have to spear it with my pole. Soon enough we're off again, brief farewell to my beloved as Jon & Robin are disappearing round the side of the col. We have another steep pitch before us but the snow is softer & more inviting in the turn. We all head down with some aplomb, but first Jon, then Robin stretch out as I have to limit my linked turns as my legs turn to jelly. Soon enough I join the boys waiting at the 4,700m ski drop off, which is our cue to say au revoir while I wait for JT & Uli. I must say it's rather pleasant laying in the sun loosening my boots, eating snackage, sipping my now defrosted water. I'm feeling quite emotional, want to call my girls but I'm low on phone juice. I lay back, soak up some more sun, then soon enough it's 2 o/c & I'm starting to get a bit worried. I'm on the trail, with my skis pointing up, but if any of the gang have been past they haven't said anything. There's not much I can do but wait, hiking back up isn't an option, especially if Jo has gone past, skiing down would mean I risk missing her.
Around 2:30 Giles rocks up with tales of woe & heroics from the group, but first of all clarifying I will not be looking for another Mrs T. So from what I can gather... The group all rallied round each other & various lost stranded souls they encountered on the way. Jo flopped hats & applied water to Giles & Andy, provided Diamox to a stranded girl. The group then ferried said girl to her even more stranded fella, who was supposed to be going for help. They spot said fella flailing on the slope, swimming in the snow, so 1.95m Paul heads down, throws him over his shoulder & carries him back up. Uli then calls for a rescue Snow Cat, which they all got on, apart from Jo who is coming to meet me & Giles who's on his board & as this sub plot began was sent ahead to let me know all was well.
Momentarily Uli arrives with JT in tow, I trot up to meet her & we have a moment. A brief moment, then we ski off with Uli, who is rather enthusiastic, some would say a little too enthusiastic as he falls on his ass. Jo & I laugh from a distance. The rest is pretty much as we have skied before so bid our farewells to Uli & go at our own pace. It is a good ski down, really good in places as we find some little un-skied runs behind the rocks, then into the final run, which if a little slushy is good fun.
Home base is a little churned up as we glide in, it's also a hive of activity as it seems we're bugging out in 15 mins. Heading back down to the luxury of the valley, but hang on that means we've gotta pack up our skis, our bunks, Thermarest, sleeping bag, food, clothes, chargers, everything...in now 12 minutes! Somehow we make it & jump on the Snow Cat, still in our ski boots (still in ski mode), coats, hats & goggles. Jump off the cat, transfer all our gear into the first cable car, then out again & back into the village gondola. It's starting to get warm as we lose altitude, would love to lose a few layers but I'm afraid I'll lose it. Jo falls asleep. Out at the bottom & you guessed it more humping gear, this time into the van. Finally, finally we arrive at Chez Cheget. It's been a heck of a roller coaster down but we'll be mighty glad to see that shower so we dump our gear, move back into 309 & jump into said shower. We're not as grimy as Kili & the shower isn't as fine as the Weru Lodge but it is delightful.
Emily says we need to meet at 6 o/c, on account if any later & we'll all fall asleep, think that's a good call as we meet in the bar across the road. Seems to take an eternity for us all to have a beer in our hand to toast the mountain, but we do, including henchman Uli & it is emotional. Potato pancakes followed by the customary kebabs as we move inside to get out of the chilly night air (after enduring minus 15C on the summit a few hours earlier). Kebabs are good as are everyone's spirits, not sure about Uli's spirits as he orders some vodka called something like Turpentineski. So with JT falling asleep at the table & the threat of more cards, the Thomas' make their excuses & head back to the ranch.
By all accounts there were plenty of high jinx from the rest of the party, including more
Whitespiritsski & card playing, but that was enough for us & we sleep soundly 20 hours since getting up & around 4,000m lower than 11:18 this morning.
Wake up around 7:30, in our beds & without our friends Andy, Robin & Giles. I guess that's why Jo doesn't wander around naked for 10 minutes after getting up, she does still have my pants on though (as I had clean ones & she didn't). A fair bit of faffing in the room, I gaze in horror at my foot wound, take a picture of it, share it on fb, then clean it up & it looks much better. Limp down to breakfast where we find Andy, the lone early riser from last nights excesses. Seems there was a fair amount of hilarity & AvGas drank last night after we left, but we have no regrets. Talk over breakfast is about changing flights, given not only did we summit on the first attempt we got down the same day, oh and there being bugger all to do around here. Andy's spotted a bargain direct flight from Min Vod to Dubai that will get him home 2 1/2 days earlier. We encourage our new friend to put aside his Yorkshire frugalities for once & treat his missus, but warn her so she can get the tennis coach out before he arrives. Andy tells us Robin is also looking at flights early back to Morzine. Our exchange is of course accompanied by Hotel Cheget's finest porridge.
Head back up to the room to see if we can make our own flight changes, get an extra day sightseeing in the capital. I go into my booking, find a link for change flight, it's an email to Aeroflot, would rather speak to someone but will do while I sort out the hotel. Kempinski emailed, we engage in a bit of photo updating & gorge ourselves on social networking, after being out of touch for, let me see, 36 hours. Giles pays us a visit to see how we're doing & chat about plans for lunch. Jon joins us soon after, who I lambast for making me use that awful phrase "let me take a selfie" he's been using for most of the trip. With that our guests disappear & we potter some more.
Wander over to the cafe across the street where we're greeted by the rest of the crew, all in frightfully high spirits. An interesting dynamic, we we're thrown together a week ago, hardly spent any waking time apart, but we all actually want to spend our remaining time together. I fail in my attempts to order a burger, mooing sounds, McDonalds, mincing hand gestures (that's like mincing meat, not limp wristed), I think she understands, either way the answer is "net". Helen embarks on an entertaining charade around us not being ready to order, followed by "do you understand?", again the answer is "net". Anyhoo, with all the team back together we can finally order, Emily & I go for the steak frittes, the otters plump for the tried & trusted chicken kebabs. Robin & Andy have successfully booked new flights (rather than changing their existing ones) & will be leaving this afternoon & this evening respectively. Meanwhile back at the lunch table, I fancy some mayonnaise with my frittes, I make a dipping gesture with my chip to the lovely waitress & viola mayonnaise arrives.
With the food polished off there's the not insignificant matter of presenting the certificates. Jon does this with his easy charm, adding a poignant message to each of us, including recognition for Jo & Emily in the face of adversity, along with Jo's washing up & Emily's lady bits (quite glad it was that way round). For me, recognition that I didn't actually say to Jon "f**k off, I'm going to carry my skis", while apparently it was quite obvious that's what I was thinking. Tis a lovely ceremony & everyone is chuffed with their mementoes. If that wasn't emotional enough we now have to say goodbye to Robin, so cue more blubbering & hugs. For all his joviality & slight frame, he has been one of the strongest on the hill & a top guy with it. With that we dry our eyes & head into the market.
A rather run down but fun little market, we start with the wooly stalls, all things knitted & sewn into, well, whatever you can make from wool. I pick up some slippers for my oldies, as a) I love them, b) they like slippers & c) they're ridiculously cheap, still haggle for a few Rubbles off though. Next there's the trying on of giant wooly hats, Jon's bargaining with the chap, is he actually buying one? I don't know, I moved on, never saw one though, maybe he's saving it for party time once we're gone. Get some t shirts for myself, for James & for the Scotts. It's pouring with rain now & the rest of the crew have retired to the cafe. We join them to find cheesy pancakes & beer on the table, can't really face this so pop to the bar to see what I can barter through random gestures. I bag a Sprite for JT & an espresso for me, which actually turns out to be Turkish coffee, but it's all good. Tell Jon he can double my tab if he drinks the 2cm of grounds left in the cup, he tries his best but I wouldn't do it for 4 times that & I love coffee.
Say our farewells for now & head back to the room to sort out the flights. Nothing back from Aeroflop, ring the numbers listed on their auto reply but can't get through. Then stumble on an automated online "change your flight" service on their home page. I can't quite believe it's that easy but it all checks out & for a few quid we'll be in Moscow tomorrow afternoon. Confirm extra night & transfer with the hotel & we're done. Meanwhile JT has done a sterling job of getting rid of anything she can to Jon, packed both bags, stuffed the ski bag & made one rucksack an overspill hold bag. Right, now must knuckle down & break the back of the longest blog from the longest day. Actually get quite carried away & miss the otters going down to dinner. Meet up during the secondi, but the soup is far too hot for my blistered lips. Mutton & buckwheat is all good though. I attempt to keep up with the conversation while continuing to write the blog.
So now, that long overdue viewing of Django Unchained on Jon's MacBook in the foyer. Everyone is riveted, but I must focus on the blog, but it's such a good film. Film is paused for another tearful goodbye, Andy this time, such a solid guy, nothing phases him, not a bad word ever, anyone would be proud to call him their friend. Anyhoo, the tissues are running out & we haven't even got to the end of the Tarintino's latest classic. Blog now finished, I can watch the crescendo uninhibited. As the cheering dies down, it's time to say our goodbyes as we will be leaving around 7am & don't expect anyone to be up. We give our thanks & praise both collectively & individually, which goes something like...1.95m Paul - an absolute colossus, not just his strength but his selfless giving without a hint of needing recognition, Emily - suffered more than anyone with the altitude but still made the summit with the leading group & not a whimper or ounce of self pity, Helen - as strong as the other Northern Ultras but always with a smile & cheerful comment that lifts the whole group, Giles - possibly the nicest, most charming, most polite person I've ever met, a one in a million in The City, Jon - my friend & guide, another monumental trip that's changed the life of a further 8 people, just decide where you want to take this adventure. Jo won't let me say anything to her, but for the record - Jo, like the other girls, is operating in a harsh, uncompromising, physically demanding environment & on a par with men who are biologically bigger & stronger. She is not an ultra athlete & came into this with serious back issues, but has kept up & (mainly) made sensible decisions about her capabilities. For all that I'm very proud of her. With that everyone gathers around for a final story time & patiently listens to my 2,700 word ramble. I can see in their eyes it's bringing back the recognition & experiences for themselves as much as the words I write.
From Jon's point, that no one else will understand what it was like to climb Mt Elbrus at circa 11am yesterday morning, is one of the reasons we will always stay close friends, just like our good friends we climbed Kilimanjaro with. There is, of course, hugs all round & a few more fond words & then time for bed. We tell Jon not to bother getting up at 7 o/c with us, but just like his encouragement to dump my skis, we know it falls on deaf ears. Our final summit of 2 flights of stairs before us, we climb up & into bed. Jo catches up on news from home while I complete the social networking connections with our new friends.
Alarm at 6am to allow us to do our last minute faffing, JT does look exhausted, poor thing, just as well she did most of the work last night. Soon enough though we're tidied up & the bags are locked up & we're humping them down stairs. Pop into the dining room where our crepes are waiting for us, try butter & sugar today. Porridge is as lovely as ever, as is the old dear that brings us our eggs. We told Anna last night no eggs, but we have to eat some so not to upset the old dear. Jon joins us at last knockings, we chat, I give him what he's due plus some extra RUB for the old dear serving wenches. Jon helps us with our bags then hops back to bed as we ramble off in the old van.
It is a rather bumpy old ride through the local roads, our driver has been keen from the off & he's really putting the old heap through its paces. Writing the blog is rather challenging in these conditions, but then JT is asleep & the countryside is rather monotonous. Highlights being the army checkpoints & various traffic jams, oh & the occasional towns. Nevertheless we make it to Min Vod (as us locals say) at 10:20, so plenty of time. They have one of those pre-entry scans & no trolleys, so it's a right old faff getting all our gear to & through the airport entrance. We do though alongside a rather glamorous thirtysomething in a silk jump suit that cried "gold digger" & an older, plumper gentleman that screamed "cradle snatcher". Won't be the last time we see that on this leg me thinks. Straight up to the desk, bags checked & we're free with just one bag between two. Browse the overpriced stuff in the Sochi shop, then through domestic gates.
Jo spots the SkyPriority sign so we go up, very glamorous girl ushers us out of the VIP lounge & into business. Another "glamorous" lady with Botox lips & garish nails sees us through the security scanners, which is pretty efficient so we're ready to board. The lounge is open plan, very light & very empty. We bag ourselves one of the many collection of cream sofas, tis very comfortable. No buffet though, so just a coffee & a Sprite while we blog, check on news from home & fellow travellers Robin & Andy who had past through earlier. Jo thinks it's time to board so asks the Doriskis which way, they direct us downstairs, to a smoking booth & a locked door. Door promptly opens & yet another blonde pops out & tells us to follow her. She has rather a cute wiggle so have no problem with that, but she just deposits us back in the lounge. Spot blonde wiggle doing her hair & tarting herself up before escorting all to the Moscow flight, including the 20 second bus from the terminal to the plane.
Yet more blondes in the cabin, I'm liking Aeroflot's red uniforms with white gloves, I mention this to Natalia, but she has no idea what I'm talking about (why should she be any different). Get settled in the rather empty cabin, short taxi, then the pilot guns it as he rounds onto the runway. Pleasant flight, good food, fishy starter & mains, lemony mouse, extra champers & a gin that tasted like firewater. Watch Pacific Rim, which according to the reviews is all action fun but don't expect much for the dialogue. That was certainly the case, the script was so cheesy & the plot had more holes than Swiss cheese. Unsurprisingly JT nods off.
Arrive at Moscow, whisked off the plane & at baggage momentarily. Choose our spot at the start of the carousel, grab myself an excellent macchiato from Costa, then overwhelmed by the unwashed herds of Russians all pushing in with their unruly children. Take a few of them out as I swing the bags round, which arrive after what seems like an eternity. Skis collected we're free. Met by Andrei, a pleasant chap from Kazakhstan with excellent English who proclaims "I don't know how we're going to fit this lot in my Merc". He does though & we're off in the stormy Moscow afternoon. Traffic is grinding as I avail myself of the free in-car WiFi while JT sleeps.
Spot Red Square & know we're nearly home again. Get checked in by a delightful girl on the front desk, no upgrade this time, but then I did book a better class of room for our longer stay. Our room is lovely & spacious, a world away from the compact & bijou Hotel Cheget & a different planet to the barrels. Have a quick unpack then a very frustrating attempt to Face Time with Kayla & the munchers. Try as both of us might & we're both quite tech savvy, we just can't get the thing to work. Apple says "just tap on your contact, it's as simple as that", it ain't. Check out the Canadian F1 qualifying on German TV (cheater Rosberg pips Lewis for pole) while we continue our determined but fruitless efforts. With our options exhausted we head down to the spa for a freshen up. Share a jacuzzi, then it's off to the segregated saunas, shame, I was hoping for some nudie Russian girl sauna action (well, I've been locked in a barrel with 3 other blokes for a week). Followed by a delightful cooling swim.
Back up at the room, Kayla is still trying to connect, but we have to settle for an emailed photo of the three of them sitting at the Mac at home. It's now 10pm, still very light out but well past dinner time, so we decide to just pop down to the hotel bar. Order 2 steak sandwiches & 2 half litres of Paulindar beer, it's all good. We chat about our adventures past & future before JT lapses into a coma once more.
Throw Jo over my shoulder, carry her up to the room, clean her toothy pegs, pop her jammies on & tuck her up in bed. I blog for a while, but all this relaxing has taken its toll on even my steely resolve & I have to pack down for the night.
I'm awake before the alarm so pop into the bathroom for a wash up & remove my beard. I was getting quite attached to it, but looking like Sean Connery in The Rock is fine for the mountains, isn't the thing for high end cosmopolitan living. Get dressed, attend to my foot blisters, then noticing JT is still languishing in bed, I go over & give her a vigorous....wake up lazy bones. Pop down to the outdoor terrace since even Moscow has banned indoor smoking while I wait for my lady to get herself together. Reunited we avail ourselves of breakfast, attended by the lovely Ekaterina. It is a fine fayre, skip the porridge, Bircher muesli, eggs benedict, pancakes & pastries. Catch up on friends blogs, namely Fiona's & Stephen's, read the Sunday Times & catch up on the array of Elbrus photos appearing on social networks. With breakfast demolished we head back up to our room to pack for the day ahead.
Back in reception, I ask my old friend Alexander can you tell me how to get, how to get to Arbat Street. Alexander directs us to the tube & which trains to get & where to change. He goes on to say it is very easy as all the stations are in Roman type as well as Cyrillic & there are colour coded directions on the floor. He also tells us there are lots of pubs in Arbat street as he knows how much the English love pubs, hmmm. It's a quiet, cool Sunday morning as we trot down the street to the Metro, which we find easily, another plus for good old Alex. The station is rather old and quirkily ornate, if a little run down from the outside. The concourse, however is marbled walls & benches where people sit while waiting for the trains, the domed ceilings beautiful too. Amidst this lavish decoration we look for the easy to recognise signs described to us by our Front Desk guide, blue signs but we want the green line so head off in search of a green sign. There are none, blue just means it's a sign & they're all in Cyrillic, what tube stations do you go to Alexander? Play match the symbols & eventually work out the right line & direction, we think. Hop on & it's one stop to change for the purple line. This station is even more ornate as we bumble our way to the interchange. Statues of revolutionaries line the platform but we only have time for a brief ogle as our train is in the station, probably. Nice Russian man gives up his seat for Jo, but we're only on for one stop. Gaze at the chandeliers that line the station concourse as we make our way to street level. Then we're up on Arbat St, simples.
Don't get far as there's a church to photograph across the road, but then off down the new Arbat St, which we understand has all the new shops & I'm in the market for thongs on account of everything rubs against the weeping wounds on my foot. The new street is lined with shops, kinda like Oxford St, only not as fancy & if Oxford St was on the M4. Most of the shops are recognisable, by the brand, even if the name is in Russian, but there's not an awful lot to see or shop, certainly not any flip flop shops. There are indeed some bars & restaurants with outdoor seating & a view of the 8 lane city centre highway. Spot a chap sporting an Australia T shirt, bounding up to my antipodean brother I proclaim "g'day mate", he looks blankly & grunts, either an impostor or an okka mute. A rather entertaining but fruitless stroll, we head round the block to the old Arbat St.
The old street is definitely more lively, more interesting & more hopeful. As with many historic streets around the world, they attract tourists, tourists browsing doesn't pay the rent, tourists want tat, so basics of supply & demand mean they fill with tat shops. As we are tourists we head straight into one of these very shops. Have a browse of the dolls, music boxes & other collectables, before deciding we're just going to tell our lovely assistant what we want & how much we want to pay, after discount of course. She does a sterling job with presents for the grandchildren, children & JT. Much relieved that we now have all our holiday presents we can enjoy the rest of the walk with a clear conscience, that is apart from my tradition of the national football shirt. We see plenty in the tat shops, but all with the star players name & number on the back & that's no good. One, rather pretty, tat assistant enquiries why I want a blank one, I explain my tradition of getting the national shirt for the country, along with the name of the mountain & the year we climbed in the back. She is impressed to the point of panting, but I have to leave her with that & continue our browse of Arbat. Find our favourite Le Pain Quoditien, where we relax out of the now quite strong Moscow sun. Cary on up the street, furtively looking for thongs & Russian shirts. Arbat St exhausted we decide to jump on the tube back to Red Square.
Down in the Moscow underground we're finding this station particularly unfathomable, can't see any trains, in any direction, that match where we're going. Eventually make the decision to jump on a train we think may be going in the right direction, even if it's probably not the right line. Through more luck than judgement we discover we were at the wrong station & are now at the purple interchange we were aiming for in the first place.
Jump off at Ploshchad Revolyutsii & we're back in Red Square. We trundle down the walking street, popping into a couple of likely thong shops, to no avail. Wheel round to the market, mini browse before doubling back to check out the Gum shopping mall. Now as many will know, the long suffering Mrs Thomas has a lot to put up with, but usually does so with great calm & decorum. However, the extrovert nature of Russian women, coupled with the mid-summer temperatures, has resulted in Jo fitting blinkers to the sides of my sunglasses. Entering the former Soviet flagship ration station, transformed into a glitzy glamorous designer mall, is not going to help JT's mood. It is a maze as well, three levels, four avenues of the highest of high end shops, doesn't look like I'm going to get any thongs that aren't already making their way up a set of toned butt cheeks. Finally, finally, my feet (& Jo's patience), are relieved with some reasonably priced flip flops in Lacoste. Pop into the Russian Olympic store on our way out for a, well, Russian Olympic shirt. Then it's a short hop back to the hotel where we enjoy a refreshing beverage on the terrace overlooking the river (& road).
Back up in the room I'm looking forward to a nice relax, but JT points out we need to get our skates on if we want to be back for the Canadian GP. So quick shower & change for dinner. Back across the bridge again, short cut through Gum & into the now familiar walking street. We're heading for the German Brewhouse but are tempted by a Japanese raw fish emporium. Get settled, work out our order of the tried & tested sushi, tempura & gyoza. Handy pictures make it easy to order but Jo still manages to scare off the waiter. Wait ages for a semi English speaking waitress, but when she comes we're done & can get back to the muscovite watching we enjoy so much. As well as the various stages of undress the Russian women seem to be endowed with boring looking men carrying man bags. As a rule of thumb, the girls out score their partners by a clear 5 points. For example, a complete munter of a bloke (1 out 10) will have a fairly decent girlfriend / wife (6 out of 10) & so on through the hierarchy. I like that ratio, I think I'll move to Moscow, oh hang on, I've already got a wife that out scores me by a clear 5 points. Anyhoo, blinkers back on, dinner arrives & it's very good, not quite Sushi Village in Whistler (the benchmark for all good Japanese food), but it is fine fare.
Dinner done & 36 minutes before lights out we head back to the hotel, via the ice cream parlour in Gum. Ice cream & latte bagged, we double back to the restaurant to pick up our forgotten sunglasses. Just miss the start as we're back in our room to find the safety car out on lap 6. Cheater Rosberg is in the lead, followed by Vettel, followed by Lewis. The blog is not intended to be a F1 review, but as the race unfolds, Lewis retires, my old Perth mate Daniel Riccardo wins, cheater Rosberg 2nd, Seb 3rd & JB 4th. JT, meanwhile, defies the odds & stays awake throughout. With the race done, midnight come & gone, it's lights out for us too.
Again I am awake before the alarm & before JT. I make use of this by getting myself spick & span for another day sightseeing in the capital. Joanna continues to languish in the oh so comfortable Kempinski bed, but after many prods she finally rises. I head down as advanced party to ensure breakfast hasn't been scoffed by the rather large party of elderly American tourists. It is indeed still there & pretty soon so is my lady. We are served today by a charming young gentleman from Uzbekistan who went to university in London. Breakfast is of course delightful, muesli, scrambled eggs, salmon, capers & a fine selection of pastries. Coffee on the terrace where we have blog story time.
All in all a rather leisurely breakfast time, we don't hit the tourist trail till 12 o/c! It's cool & overcast still, think it might remain for the day, unlike yesterday when it started cool, but ended scorchio. Typical I'm wearing shorts & thongs today after roasting yesterday. Concierge steers us to the far side of The Kremlin, tickets bought (eventually), then off to ogle the cathedrals. There are 5 churches within a quadrant of The Kremlin grounds, all of them beautiful & ornate, with their shining gold onion domes. We visit each of them, rather smaller than they look from the outside, interior decor is very different from the Catholic & Anglican churches we're more familiar with. Somewhat more simplistic & darker than the lavish Raphaelesque artwork In European churches. Images of Christ are most prevalent & the saints all sport the trademark orthodox gold halo. Get some great shots of the outside, there may be a view of golden domes I didn't take, but I doubt it. Next is the Armoury, where all the Faberge eggs & other treasures of the Tsars are kept. The queue is horrendous though & we want to have time to see Lenin's mausoleum. Decide to swerve the Armoury & head on over to the other side of the square through the palace gardens. Find a rather stunning horse fountain where I spend ages getting arty motion blur shots. A rather quaint fairy tale canal runs the length of the remaining park until we're onto the entrance to Red square again.
Coffee stop first so we head for the ever lavish & overpriced Gum mall. RUB 84 for a pee?, no thanks, RUB 1,000 for two lattes & a cake?, I guess so as we've ordered, nice lattes though. Slip through to Red square where the Independence Day stage, banners & tents are all up in preparation for the 12 June celebrations. The great man's tomb is only open 10am to 1pm, it's 4 o/c, so we've missed that by some distance. Head back to the hotel via our now familiar route across the bridge. Little potter in the room, check into our flight, check up on our car repairs (Jodie says it's goin on the Geo now init) & confirm our transfer to the airport. Then it's down to the spa, which we have completely to ourselves. Bit of jacuzzi action then it's the pool for JT & the sauna for me. I have this to myself too, apart from Natalia, in my little daydream. Meanwhile, JT has been getting a few lengths in herself as I rejoin her in the pool. Back up stairs for a shower & dress for our last dinner in Moscow.
Ask Front Desk for a later check out tomorrow, we get 1pm for our 2pm transfer, think we'll be ok surfing & drinking coffee on the terrace in between. Ask concierge to recommend a Russian restaurant, he gives us a Ukraine place down by the Metro station, all seems pretty straight forward, we won't bother taking the Map or the name. Wander down to the station in the rain, realise we have no idea what this restaurant is called so faff for a bit, get wet, then decide it must be the place with chaps in fancy dress. It surely is & we're shown to our table by a Ukrainian lovely. Ordering is a bit challenging, even in a touristy place, but we bumble through, 2 different vodkas, beer, sweet bread starters & mains. Vodka with pickled fish to compliment, the beer is complimented (somehow) by the dried fish. Now I'm all for trying new things & have no regrets, Jo's cranberry vodka is ok, mine is as harsh as paraffin, the fish is like something from a budgies cage, but the beer is good. Sweet breads, that is breads that are sweet, not offal, are nice. Jo gorges herself on a selection of enormous sausages, with such girth she struggles to stuff them in her eager mouth. I have a bowl of dumplings, which are nice enough. Coffee & Kiev cake to finish, the cake being reminiscent of those nutty fat balls you put out for the birds in winter. With that our exploration of the Ukraine is complete & we head home into the stormy night.
Jo struggles in vain to find something watchable on the TV, apart from the terribly sad news that Rik Mayall has died at the young age of 56. Saddened & tired it's time to pack down.
Straight up with the alarm, feeling a little jaded this morning, strange as have been most spritely all trip. Put it down to the vodka last night as I stagger into the bathroom, but press on with my shave & wash up. Back in the lounge I pop the jammies on & settle down to downloading The Times on the iPad. Strange it doesn't download, glance at the time, oh it's 5am, I haven't changed the time. Right, so stop glaring at JT for having a lay in, probably best to go back to bed. Get some sleep between 5:15 & 7am, then I still have to beat JT out of the bed. We do need to get an earlier start today to see Lenin, but perhaps I got a little carried away. Anyhoo, down to breakfast where we opt for muesli, eggs scrambled for me & boiled for Jo, followed by pastries & coffee on the terrace. Now I'd probably have to do some more exercise &/or lay off the pastries but I could live like this every day.
Back up to the room for a round up of anything that has found its way out of bags in our short stay in Moscow. A good use of time as we've still got 40 mins before Lenin opens. Soon enough it's time to head once again across the bridge & into Red Square. Position ourselves in front of Lenin's mausoleum & watch as the doors solemnly open, but then not sure what to do next, I mean there's an ankle high chain between us. Work out we've got to go all the way out of Red Square & then queue back in. Bit of a faff (thanks for nothing guide book), but it really doesn't take that long & before you know it we're on our way in. It's a strange sensation coming out of the bright morning sky into the cool dark mausoleum which snakes around to the viewing chamber. Then there he lies, the leader of the Bolshevik revolution, the founder of communism, the creator of the first socialist federal republic. And isn't he small. Amazingly preserved for someone who's been dead for 75 years, although rumour has it that bits are being replaced with wax. It is all rather somber, feel slightly moved, can almost see the great man beating his fist on the table & demanding rights for the workers. With that done, we browse the garden of former leaders & of course more pictures of St Basil's. Ok, so now it's 10:30, 2 1/2 hours till we need to check out & then we have put aside an hour for coffee before our airport transfer. So what to do, not enough time to embark further afield, but too long to hang around our familiar stomping ground. My plan is to head out on the tube for a bit of a journey, in the absence of any better ideas JT agrees to join me.
So it's back to Ploshchad Revolyutsii station & hop on the District (Green) Line. Hop off when we see a particularly interesting station, grab some photos, then back on again. Alight at stop called A3PONOPT, it's quite Art Deco & we decide it might be the Airport so decide to head out & look around. It's not the Airport & it's not interesting, it's like the Moscow version of Chiswick, so head straight back underground. We could carry on but we're past zone 1 now so head back to Red Square for one last time.
Quick change & final, final pack of all the bags, then it's time to get them carted away & get checked out. Yet another lovely with impossibly blue eyes sees to my every whim. Jo sends me off to the nearby Starbucks, remarking "now can I trust you, alone, in Moscow, without your wedding band"', I reply "No, not remotely". Sure enough there are legs everywhere within 5m of the lobby & the Starbucks lovelies are giggling at Elvis, my coffee persona. Safely back in the lounge, I finally write my postcards & hand them in for stamping & posting. Andrei pops in to assure us that he will be taking us to the airport in 30 mins, which is nice.
The little hand winds round to 2 & we wander out to meet our Kazakstan friend while we say a tearful goodbye to the Kempinski. One of the porters stops me as I'm getting in the car to say he is from the Elbrus region & congratulates me on our climb (I guess he saw me with my t shirt), he tells me I'm welcome back anytime, which is good to know. Mid afternoon traffic is grinding, but Andrei has the knowledge & we're soon speeding down the M4ski towards Domodedovo airport. Andrei parks up, grabs a trolley & loads us up, I'm pretty sure there was a tear in his eye as he waved us off. The now familiar pre airport bag check is next, followed by a check in delayed by some spotty Polish footballers but we're soon making our way to the next hurdle, passport control. Get redirected to the business & diplomatic queue & away from the seething mass that's reminiscent 28 Days Later, still takes ages though. Leads us straight to the BA lounge, but first we should head to duty free before we get too comfortable. This also is a seething mass, but a seething mass with duty free fags. It is mercifully short though & soon enough we're reclined in the lounge, which is nice enough. Everything...seemed...to...be...going...so...well........then there's an announcement that our inbound aircraft was struck by lightning so they have to perform 4 hours of checks. Riiiiiiight.
We while away the time with books, photo organising, social networking & wanders around the limited airport stores. Get back from my last stroll to find JT has had a running battle with the owner of the ferrel children over my charging station &, well, her ferrel children. Jo is halfway through drowning one of them in their own nappy when at 8:30 we're invited to board the plane. We waste no time, other than going to the wrong gate, we're soon on board. The crew greet us like released hostages, "oh it must have been terrible for you, did they have a proper lounge", "well sort of", I reply, "but they only had Beefeater gin". With that, the captain himself comes out, cradles my head in his hands & lays me down on my seat, demanding the cabin crew bring me Tanqueray immediately. With the superior gin delivered intravenously, I can move onto the champagne. But then what about all those people at the gate I ask, it must have been terrible for them, "don't worry", says the captain, "they don't know any different". Meanwhile, JT wants reassuring that there's isn't anything foreign on board, no beetroot, no dill, no pickled herring, the cabin crew assure her everything onboard is from England.
Pretty soon we taxi, take off & away. I cry out in disgust as JT wipes slobber on me, the crew rush to my aid, presumably thinking I was having a flashback to the horrors of Moscow. I explain it's just Jo being dirty. Dinner is served soon after, Jo checks for the Royal Seal on each course, happy, she tucks in. It's all very nice, not sure the caviar is English, but don't mention anything to Jo just in case. We haven't quite got ourselves together to decide what film we're watching so we don't until after dinner. Trouble is there isn't an awful lot of flight left & of course Jo is now starting to doze off. Decide to give The Secret Life of Walter Mitty a go. It's a little slow & a little twee, but shows promise once he sets off on his adventure, but by then in was 20 mins to landing. Maybe worth a second go at some stage.
Safely landed, trot through the terminal, quick passport check then off to baggage. Expedition bags & case off quick, then a wait for the skis & rucksack, start to think (with our record) maybe they got left behind in the over/under sized lift. But then they come out & we're on our way. Have to ring Addison Lee chap as I can't see him, he says he's over in C section or something & I should make my way to him, sure why don't I drive your car too. Anyhoo with that mild drama over, Jo returns with the milk & we're on our way. We may have had a 4 hour delay in Moscow but we must have clawed some of that back in shorter passport lines & less M25 traffic. Safely home before midnight, dump the cases in the games room, shower, jammies, bed.
So another amazing journey. The climb of Elbrus was tough but rewarding, really makes us think about the challenges ahead with the remainder of the seven summits. A fantastic team that we really enjoyed spending time with & will remain our friends regardless of the distances that now separate us. Jon was once again a fantastic leader, a friend most of the time but always comes through when you need him. Everything ran smoothly from start to finish too. Moscow was great too, the Kremlin, St Basil’s Cathedral & Red Square were some of the most picturesque sights we’ve seen in any city. Not much to see of the old USSR, more Savile Row than Soviet sackcloth, but still as impenetrable with the language & alphabet. Would definitely come back to Moscow, would love to explore more of Russia, but then the remaining five summits come first.
Thanks everyone for your well wishes & offers to stand in should JT not pull through any of her various issues. Special thanks to Tony "The Pace" Malster, Scott "The Fish" Jeffrey & Steve "The Wingman" Geddes for your very convincing pitches, keep yourselves warmed up though, Jo might not last the distance!
Not a bad last day in work before holiday yesterday, kids came round for Zizzis takeaway pizza, Rach & the munchers stayed over too. Nice top up of family time before we gorge ourselves on us time in our favourite winter hideaway. Took the munchers to school then off to Le Moulin for our last French patisserie breakfast for two weeks. Had the most tremendous potter when we got back with last minute jobs & stuffing stuff into our bags, the new giant Rossignol ski bag weighs a ton!
Hop in the car, A13, A406 & M25 all remarkably clear to Heathrow & we arrive in an hour (which is 1.5 hours earlier than my trip to NY last week that Lorraine had to get me on the later flight). Quick check in, dump skis & through security that takes exception to my iPad. Pop to the shops for our toiletries & Kharlua then up to the lounge (via horse lamp of course). Lady of the lounge tell us we're off from B gates so decide to head straight over. No hot food in the lounge (BA do you think we're animals?!). Grab some nice sandwiches, crisps & of course a rather generous G&T. JT heads off to get her nails done in the Ellements spa while I catch up on work & news, Robin is on the stand at C53...could just pop down...probably not. Soon enough Pricilla is back with her porn star nails & we have a little sit before the boarding notice comes up on the PA & iPad. As we round the corner to the gate Jo gasps at the seething mass of people, before barging them aside & making her way to fast track. Soon onboard & upstairs settled in our familiar seats. Alas I'm not invited on the flight deck this time, even though I have my pilot headset with me (as they double as noise cancelling headphones, not because I think that's the critical point if asked can anyone fly a plane.....and has their own headset). Anyhoo, little quaff of champagne & we're up, up & away.
I avail myself of several G&Ts, Jo would like to avail herself of the buff flight attendant & as she's still on antibiotics, all she gets is a feel of his guns. Dinner is served, fish for JT, the plantain curry for me, all very nice. Select The Equaliser as our headline film, a bit silly but entertaining throughout, Denzel does well in Edward Woodwood's role, the Russian bad guy is so bad he's given an English accent. Next up is the even sillier & very funny A Million Ways to Die in the West. Even though JT is enjoying the film, she starts to flag & our no sleep till Whistler strategy is looking unlikely. After the film we decide to give in & take a power nap, even though neither of our seat will go into the flatbed position (evidently BA do think we're animals!). JT manages a nap, I toss a bit but still manage a little shut eye. Watch a fascinating documentary about the southern monsoon & soon afternoon tea is served by our buff, but slightly odd, steward. While away the remainder of the journey with the very funny & very entertaining new Flintoff & Holcroft podcast, as recommended by Stevie G, making up for not helping me pick up American girls.
Smooth landing in Vancouver but a stunning faff as we attempt to disembark, some selfish woman has gone & got ill on the way down so they have to get the paramedics onboard to see to her. Obviously they need to fight their way down to get to her & fight through to bring her out. I know this sounds a tad insensitive but what would the reason be for not letting those of us standing next to the door to leave while all this is going on. Anyhoo, we do get off (she didn't look that bad), quick passport check eh & all our luggage waiting for us (benefit of being held on the plane I guess). We're met by Peter on the other side, we've not had him before from Brooke's stables. Pretty quiet through Vancouver & not a hint of snow. Peter is not much of a conversationalist & JT is starting to nod so I switch back to Freddie's podcast, then MotD as we wind through the dark Sea to Sky highway. Eventually we reach Squarmish, then it's not too long before we start winding up towards the resort, traces of snow at the side of the road & lights of the town in the distance. Sure enough Peter makes the familiar set of turns that queue us to get our stuff together ready to be greeted by the Aussie / Brit doorman at the Westin.
Say a fond farewell to Peter, checked in, review our room & are satisfied it's the same as last year. Momentarily our luggage arrives & we're off to inspect the village & get supplies. We are generally happy that everything is in its right place, not a flake of snow in the village though. Find everything we want & need in the grocery store & head back into the chilly night. Fairly major change is there's a fancy Can-Ski in the hotel now, replacing the ever reliable Whistler-Blackcomb store. Back up to the room & have an astonishingly efficient teamwork unpack. Hit the showers, spot of tea & time for bed.
Smoke count 0 (I've been clean since 1 Jan)
G&T count 4
Champers count 1
Beer count 0
Jogger count - Boys 5, Birds 3
We sleep ok last night, wake up a few times, first time thinking I've been asleep for hours & it's 3:15, but make it through to 7am without too much trouble. I have a bit of a catch up on news from home while JT does her exercises. Shave & freshen up, then down to breakfast just before 8. The Westin have smartened their restaurant up a bit, which it needed, we get seated in a nice little booth & order the works. Jo's favourite steel cut oatmeal to start, eggs Benedict for me, smoked salmon & cream cheese bagel for JT, topped up with her favourite candied salmon. Get some fresh blueberry pancakes for afters. A delightfully relaxed first morning breakfast as we chat over the paper & social media while supping the last of our coffees.
Back up to the room & commence the ritual of getting all our ski gear together. It's always a faff the first time as you hone your routine, key is to get everything laid out before roasting in your ski jacket while wrestling with stuff. We do a pretty good job but somehow it's nearly 10am by the time we head to the gondola. Our fist experience of the new Whistler gondie, skis outside & proper bench seats to sit comfortably rather than the silly leaning bar that makes your feet ache & invariably bash yourself (or someone else) with your skis. Not much conversation in the gondie, which stops 4 times as presumably they haven't ironed out the wrinkles in the new process, one is so sudden we get a 45 degree swing on. Eventually make it to the Roundhouse & wander out into the very sparsely snow covered plaza. Get our boots tighten, skis on & we're off. Feels ok, taking things nice & easy on our first run down Whiskey Jack. Things aren't coming together so much for Jo, nothing to do with her recent ailments, just not feeling good, but then it's the first run since Russia & that wasn't your average ski holiday to say the least! Probably not helped by the sugary, grainy snow but we make it down to the Big Red. Back up & down the other side, round bear cub & Lower Franz. Snow is sparse, lots of ice, rocks & trees around, our previous favourites Little Red Run & Fisheye are looking far too gnarly. Next we go for the peak, with its experts only light on, good opportunity to see how the terrain is looking as we make our way over to Symphony. First run is a bit busy & rubbish but then have 3 pretty good runs from the top & down Adagio. Back up to the top of Symphony, down to Harmony & round to the Roundhouse. Little coffee stop then run down to the village, which surprisingly is quite nice. Jo is feeling much better with her skiing by now, still needs to keep her hands forward though! I've been feeling good since the start, being rather sensible, not taking on too much & focusing on technique.
Hand our skis to the valet girls, back to the room, which doesn't let us in, back down to get our key reset & they insist on sending someone up with us to verify our identity, rather strange. Anyhoo, strip off our sweaty kit & jump in the shower. Get dressed & head out.....to the dentist, boo. I can feel my crown has come loose, so hopefully not a biggy. Bit of a faff to find the dentist, once inside fill in 4 pages of forms & soon I'm in the chair. I tell the friendly Dr Dave that I've got a dental plan back home so just patch me up & send me on my way. The good natured Dr takes one look, puts his hand on my shoulder, smiles & says "there's no good news". Not exactly what I was hoping for or even expecting. Apparently the tooth has sheared off underneath so there's nothing for the crown to attach to, so it's got to come off. Right, so that sounds simple, oh but the rest of the tooth has got to come out too, below the gum line, riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Ho hum, so back on Tuesday, but I book an appointment to allow for a full days skiing. Jo is as always super supportive & consoling but I'm ok. Pop our name down at The Keg as our first night tradition & head back to the hotel via the foyer Starbucks. Back in the room with our coffee & Chips Ahoy while inflicting Freddie's podcast on JT. Jo quite enjoys the non-cricket banter but there's only so much she can content with so eventually she falls asleep. I beat her awake with an appendage so we can go out for dinner.
A short jog in the chilly evening to The Keg, our traditional first night dinner. Whiskey Jack beer for me, just a Sprite for The lady, she needs to stay teetotal until Sunday & her antibiotics have cleared her system. While not a classic, a fine meal all the same. Chilly walk back to the hotel & straight into the jammies & fall asleep in front of the TV, it takes me an hour & a half to write the last paragraph in the blog before the miserly Westin internet runs out.
A combination of there being not much else to report & me being too tired to write anymore, so will call it in for today.
Smoke count 0
Beer count 2 (all Rob)
Fall count - Rob 1, Jo 0
Sleep ok, wake up a few times (Jo points out that could be something to do with the 2 pints of beer I had before bed), pretty much awake from 6 but spin it out till 6:50. Get up & prepare breakfast as is my Whistler duty but have to put it on hold while JT does her exercises. When she's done, juice, oatmeal, fruit muffin & coffee is served. Listen to my latest tracks playlist on our new Bose mini player (thanks for the tip Holmes) with the weather channel on silent, unfortunately it doesn't tell us anything we want to hear (I know it's on silent but you know what I mean). Read of The Times which the iPad has efficiently downloaded with the last of yesterday's internet while I was asleep. Boris has been making some of his politically correct comments about Jihadists being porn fiends (which apparently they are, amongst other things). Drag myself away from the news to get washed & dressed, we are starting to hone our routine & we're out at 8:50, reckon we can shave another 20 mins off that by the time we go home.
Head to Blackcomb today & if yesterday's Whistler lift queue was light, this is non existent. Gondie runs smoother than the other side, big barren patches along the lift line, lumpy & rocky on the lower sections. Hop on the Excellerator & then on the Jersey Cream. We're looking at all the big patches of ice on the runs when the mountain guide sharing our chair tells us, stick to the pistes, don't go off piste. We don't intend to, it's hard as concrete & rutted to buggery. He goes on to tell us how many broken bones they're dealing with just through people falling on the icy hard piste, noted, we'll take it steady. Our chatty guide also puts the empty pistes down to pride week as the gays come here to party, not to ski (which is fine). Head for the blue runs round the Rendezvous, Cruiser, Stoker & Springboard which are all pretty good, especially in the current sparse conditions. Jo gets chatting to a kid, around 9 or 10 on the lift, he's a pretty confident chap, Jo says she's keen to try Catskinner as it's always very steep & very fast, he just says "I'm more about technique than speed". He does give us a good tip that the ski-cross course is open to everyone, so thats where we head. Jo's not that keen when we get there but it's a 50m sidestep up to get out so has to go with it. She does fine of course, you can pretty much go as fast or as slow as you want, all good fun though.
Time to head back to the Glacier creek & our mid morning stop. Coffee & share a nature valley bar (said in a Welsh accent) & an After Eight bar. Avail ourselves of the free WiFi (Westin, do you know know it's 2015, even the Gramercy in NYC gives free WiFi), anyhoo check emails from Kayla & various fb updates. Time to head back out & head over to the run of the day, Hugh's Heaven. It's pretty nice on 7th Heaven, as long as you stay on the piste, I venture off a couple of times, just to see, but not for long. Have four nice runs down, with slight variations, practicing our technique & giving each other pointers. Now it's time for our second stop & The Rendezvous is the lucky lodge this time. I'm feeling quite hungry when we walk in so have a delicious turkey & ham wrap, JT thinks lunch is for wimps though.
Back out for another go at the slim piste pickings, we decide to try Catskinner, despite the scathing dismissal by the pretentious pre-teen on the lift. It's very hard & icy at the top, JT is not fancying it so sidesteps out, I don't fancy that so just go for it. It is indeed very hard, very icy & rather moguly but actually not too bad & after the initial vertical pitch it's pretty easy going. JT eventually joins me at the lift & we take the painfully slow chair back to midstations. Have a decent run down Springboard then decide that since things aren't coming together for JT & there is not much variety we're going to head down. There is indeed not much choice as all the blues are closed below Springboard so it's The Green Line all the way to the village.
Kick our skis off & hand them to the Westin valet girls, skip back to the room (oh our Scarpa hike & ride boots are a joy) then straight into the shower. I grab a couple of Starbucks from the kiosk in reception while JT does girlie washing things. Having emerged from the bathroom with her latte waiting for her, Jo looks at me & says "did you go downstairs in your jammies?", not only that I say, I watched the football in the bar, in my jammies. Break out the Chips Ahoy & settle down to watch Tottenham vs West Brom. Spurs run out easy winners & we move on to the all time classic Big, such a delightful film & have a delightful sofa snug as we lack the ambition to do anything else before dinner. Never really understood why Josh gives up his hot girlfriend & well paid job to go back to being a 10 year old so we tear ourselves away while he's still big.
We head to the Upper Village this evening for one of our all time favourite Whistler diners, Milestones. Bit of a wait for a table so we head out for a browse of the overpriced shops that inhabit the more exclusive end of the resort. We soon bore with that & head back for a drink at the bar, only to find our table is ready. JT, still on the wagon, has a Pomegranate cocktail, I go for the traditional Granville honey larger. JT connects to the free WiFi while we wait for our food, frustratingly the iPad does not so I entertain myself with the array of gregarious gay patrons in for the last night of pride (which is fine). One of them even has a little gay baby (which is, of course, fine). Soon enough dinner arrives, we are both very reserved, I even have quinoa! So virtuous are we, we have a sharing decedent desert. Food & drinks polished off, we're feeling rather tired & rather cold so we get the bill & run.
Lovely walk back through the village path & old fashioned bridge, but it brings us out further down & we have the same walk back up to the hotel, still the cold night air wakes us up a bit. Everyone is getting excited in the village, not just because it's the last night of pride, it's started to snow & everyone is very excited at the prospect of getting a few inches before the night is over. Back in to our room I finish & upload the blog while JT hits the sack, no doubt similarly dreaming of getting 8 inches for the first time since her last trip to the mountains.
Smoke count 0
Beer count 4 (all Rob)
Fall count - Rob 0 (1), Jo 1 (1)
Jogger count - Boys 6, Birds 3
Sleep through till about 6:30 when I wander out to the living room, glance out of the window to find it's snowing, looks like its been snowing all night, proper snow flakes too & coverage on the trees outside our room. Sadly, Emily, it's not the 8 inches that Jo was gagging for but it should be deep enough to keep her satisfied for another day. Speak of JT, she stumbles out of the bedroom (separate bedroom of course Mr Malster) with her usual ski Bambi legs, gives out a scream that our neighbours might mistake for some early morning delight but is of course directed at the snowstorm outside our window. Settle the young lady down with promise of some more fitting delights for this time of the day, breakfast. Usual morning fare of oatmeal, juice & muffins is served while we attempt to catch up on the news via the 1 min headlines on Sky & the more in depth view from The Times. Eager as we are to hit the pow we can only tie with yesterday's 8:50 leaving time. Skip across skiers plaza filled with cars of the day tripping Vancouverites, apprehensive of the lift line, but it's no longer than the meagre lines of the last two days. We do need to pop in & book our lesson for this afternoon but we're still back in line just after 9.
Up in the gondie & everything is looking decidedly white & fluffy, much more like we came for. Roundhouse is nicely covered as we get everything together with the snow falling around us. Head off down the rather lumpy first run off the plaza, onto Pony Trail, Little Red Run & into Lower Franz. Have quite a wait for JT, who eventually appears looking rather sheepish, she's had a nasty fall in the lumpy stuff, took quite a blow to her knee too but she's up for more. Zip down Franz which is already turning moguly. I'm whizzing through the bumps when I take a rather less spectacular fall, turned on the base of a mogul & lost my footing on the icy surface laying in wait for over confident skiers just beneath the fresh pow. Make it to the Holmes (Big Red) Express otherwise unscathed. Back up to the Roundhouse & down Whiskey Jack, into our all time favourite Dave Murray. It's a great run, steep in places with lumps & bumps, challenging but we both ski it well. Back round to Holmes & have a rather frustrating wait with the most figitty kid in the world, kicking his skis off, up & generally whining. Just time for a run through Enchanted Forest before our pre lesson pitstop at the Roundhouse. Pizza & coffee are the order of the day, we are served by a young lady from Essex, JT enquires where exactly would that be, Basildon she replies, ah Bas-Vegas I exclaim, she smiles sheepishly.
Pizza devoured we head out to meet our instructor for the afternoon that's going to help build Jo's confidence, but more than likely point out the myriad of faults in my over confident technique. There's a bit of a mini blizzard blowing & not many candidates for lessons today. I'm hopeful we'll have an instructor to ourselves but as luck would have it there's two other learners, also looking for top group tuition. We head off in a foursome with instructors Ralph "Pro of the Year" & a good looking English chap Sam. Chat to Sam on the way, find out he too is from Essex, Romford to be exact but did live in Hornchurch. Who'd have thunk it, you travel half way round the world to get a skiing lesson from someone in the same town. We have some good runs, all of us on our best behaviour, well apart from JT who takes a silly fall. The instructors have sussed us out by the time we get to the lift, Ralph is taking the expert Christine, her fellow Aussie & hubby Peter is with us & Sam. We have a warm up down some blues while Sam gets the measure of us, pointing out some faults but not overdoing it, I even get a compliment on linking my turns through the bumps. Have a couple of runs down the usually super fast Raven which is somewhat slowed by the fresh fluff. Sam heads down looking completely effortless as these super talented instructors usually do, making you feel somewhat like a novice as you blunder down the same pitch. I need to keep looking down the mountain & keep my uphill hand forward, JT needs to compress into the turns, be more patient & more confident when pointing down the mountain. Sam also points out that I'm too crouched on flatter pitches, which is good as I felt I was burning my legs far too easily considering the amount of conditioning I'd put in prior to the trip. 3 o/c comes round & it's time for Sam to head down, we decide to ski down too, feeling we've had enough & might as well get a bit of extra tuition in while we go. Bid a fond farewell to Sam at the bottom, we liked him, quite direct but not over fussy. He also hands us about 25 cards that will in same way shape or form give him a kick back, we promise to use them should we find the need.
Back in the room we're into our efficient routine of straight into the shower then me down to the Starbucks bar, with a quick watch of the Fruit Bowl in the bar, in the jammies of course, 0-0 how exciting. Back up & JT soon emerges from the shower to tuck into her vanilla latte & Chips Ahoy while we listen to Classic FM & catch up on news from home. Rachael has managed to break her phone screen even more, we should get some sort of indestructible case for her. After a bit of a relax we decide to head out to dinner as getting home at 9:30 is making it impossible to stay awake! Plan is to put our name down at Sushi Village, then pop to the shops, however such is the draw of the combination of Toilet Bowel and Fire & Ice the raw fish emporium is almost empty so we're straight into our seats. I won't lie to you Tony, the food was amazing & we had the works, yakitori, gyoza, tempura, nigiri sushi & your favourite spider rolls. Fish slain by 7:45 it's time for our evening jobs on the way back.
First up we grab our fresh tracks tickets from the Carlton Lodge, where the lovely girl tells Jo she'll be getting 45cm by the end of the week, shurley not even a girl with her appetite can gorge that much, but considering what's she's been getting lately it puts a big smile on her face. Plans to browse the Salomon shop are put on hold for my coffee stop, which should hopefully see me awake past 9 o/c. Back at the hotel, Jo's geared up for a bit of a moan at reception. First complaint about the not make up the room bonus gets us 4 days of Starwood points (that we will never use), second moan about the extortionate internet charges results in being told that our room class & / or Starwood status means we get free WiFi, which he confirms as there is no internet charges to our room. Well done Aussie Sam, the other two dorrises we challenged failed to point that out to us. So goodbye to the frustrating eeking out 48 hours of internet from 1 days charge, hello Times & internet radio every day!
Back in our room JT falls off the wagon with a khalua nightcap while I finish the blog & my macchiato.
Smoke count 0
Beer count 6
Fall count - Rob 1 (2), Jo 2 (3)
So manage to hold out until 10 o/c last night, well I do anyway watching The Walking Dead while JT snoozed on the sofa. Turn in & I'm asleep for ages when I look over to the clock to see if it's nearly getting up time, it's 11:40...it's still the same day! Some vigorous tossing goes on in bed before sleep returns until just before the 6am alarm. Early start today for Fresh Tracks, breakfast at The Roundhouse & get on the mountain before all the welks. True to our new found mammalian efficiency, we're out the door by 7, would have been earlier but for that video of US Olympic queen Julia Mancuso skiing in her skimpy wonder woman outfit I came across. Bit of a queue for the gondie, seems that we're not the only ones to have this idea, plus the lift hasn't open yet (I told you we were efficient mammals). 10 min wait in the chilly morning air but we're soon undercover & off in our little cabin. Get chatting to a lovely guy from Washington State, lives on a little island & is 2 1/2 hours from Whistler, sounds pretty good, except he has a meeting in Squarmish at 2. Arrive at the mid mountain restaurant, have our fill of mountain fare & ready to hit the slopes just after the bell goes.
Head off down Little Red Run & into Franz, lovely groomed corduroy. Have another delightful chat with some local chaps on the lift, they're fascinated by this new GoPro phenomena as I have one strapped to my head, which in turns leads me having to talk about filming my aerobatics. Tell them to look it up on YouTube but I think the will have forgotten by the time they ride the next lift. Dave is next up but disappointingly hard & icy at the top, foggy at the bottom. Then we spend the rest of the morning on the steep Raven & the freshly race honed & electric fast Ptarmigan. The later is run of the day, beautifully groomed, still with the blue race lines, rollers at the top & super steep at the bottom. It takes less than 15 mins to run down & ride up the lift again, such is the speed of the conditions & lack of any lift queue. Coffee stop around 11 at The Chic Pea, which is inhabited by little ankle skiers & an instructor dressed as an emu! Recharged we head to Symphony, via Harmony. Lift sign says "Experts Only" at Harmony, can see why, it's a total white out, no point trying to see where you're going, you just have to ski using The Force, which we do & make it unscathed. Once on Symphony we head to Jeff's Ode to Joy, the other run of the day. We prefer Adagio though, with a bit of off piste & picking through the trees thrown in. Soon enough it's time for our second stop, but time for one more run. I declare I'm taking the black off the lift, Piccolo Face, which has no tracks down whatsoever, Jo thinks I'm mad in zero visibility but I do it anyway. But not for long, it's hard, rutted & horrible.
Over at the Roundhouse for our second stop, coffee & a bun, we get seated in the window & watch the world go by in the blizzard. It's been much more what I would call typical Whistler conditions today, fresh snow, cold & not great visibility but we like it & we know now how to get the best out of it. Feeling rather warmed up & skied out we decide to just have one down & up before setting off for the run home. Head over towards Marmot, pick up a lumpy blue then hit another lumpy one that says "marginal conditions, not recommended for skiing or riding", I take that, Jo heads round Sidewinder but we reunite en route. Up the Garbanzo for another go at today's favourites, Raven is still steep & challenging, Ptarmigan though has seen more action than the girls in Orchard Towers & similar signs of wear. The steep lower section is engulfed in fog too, but similar to a night in Orchard Towers I go at it with great vigour & to hell with the consequences. Emerge unscathed, regroup with JT & wind round to Crabapple, then into the slushy village run with our legs finally starting to burn after nearly 9 hours on the mountain, arriving in Skier's Plaza around 4 o/c.
Quick strip off in the room & down to the spa to warm & rest our cold & tired limbs. Indoor hot tub is a bit of a family zone so just a quick dunk then onto the adults only sauna, alas with no sign of the incredibly toned Aussie girl from previous years. Back up to the room for a shower, into the jammies & down to the Starbucks kiosk for a latte & a flirt with the Aussie girl. Load the GoPro video while we sup our coffees, decide that they're pretty rubbish & not just because I don't look as good as Julia skiing in a swimming costume. We're out to dinner by 6:20, quick stop in the Salomon shop for more socks (Jo has put a biohazard sign on the laundry bag that contains my used ones), we grab some for JT too, cause they're pretty. Arrive at Earls, 5 min wait then one of their endless supply of blonde lovlies shows us to our table. They all ask where Tony Malster is, then sign inconsolably when I tell them he's not with us this year, so I have to flirt for the two of us. Food is served quicker than Julia Mancuso on Ptarmigan so I barely have any time to write the blog & JT hardly makes a dent in her family emails. JT has her usual cow & chicken combo supplemented by a kilo of potato salad, I just have some lean chicken with cabbage. Chat with our lovely server, who apparently hasn't been skiing since she fell on her head, which probably explains why we got 3 sticky toffee puddings but every cloud eh.
Head back to the ranch via the grocery store for a stock up on breakfast supplies. Back in the room, I switch round charging gadgets & finish the blog while JT attempts to write emails by projecting her dreams onto her Kindle. Get everything wrapped up & posted, then time to tuck my girl into bed.
Smoke count 0
Beer count 8
Fall count - Rob 1 (3), Jo 0 (3)
Pretty much sleep through for the first time since we landed, but hop up just before the alarm & before JT boots me out to make her breakfast. We have a treat this morning after our trip to the store last night, we start with a delicate & crunchy Cinnamon Toast cereal, followed by a beautifully put together salmon & cream cheese bagel, we finish with fruit toast subtly drizzled with maple syrup. Junior master chef relaxes on the sofa with Classic FM before it's time to get washed up & vacuum packed in the Skins. We have a couple of errands this morning but still make it to the lift by 9:30, the Blackcomb lift to be exact. Share our cabin with a couple of mountain hosts, we tell them that it is our life's ambition to become one & hit on them for tips of getting into the club.
Up to Glacier Creek & up again on the Jersey Cream to mid stations. Head down run of the day Springboard, which is wonderfully groomed & shamefully empty. Tis a great run all the way until 200m from the lift when we're engulfed in cloud, no ordinary cloud, a pea souper of a cloud, again we call on The Force. Jump on the Solar Coaster & back up for another go. I come across a stranded skier on the steep first pitch, missing a ski, I retrieve said ski, hand it to him & carry on down to where JT is waiting for me & asks if I enjoyed my cup of tea. Back up & time to have another crack at the ski cross track. I get lined up, camera on & away, pretty decent run but then who's that coming out just after me but have a go Jo. Fog is still thick further down so decide to do Black Magic, I figure that if you can't see where you're going you might as well not see a gnarly, lumpy, grassy, tree stump ridden black run. Jo does not have a go, I survive so go back up & do it all again (bit faster on the ski cross this time).
Continuing the race theme we're back over to Jersey Cream for the GMC slalom race centre. First run is a bit rutted, I over cook it a few times but just finish ahead of JT. Back to do it again, this time I put my ski boots into race mode & smoke JT by a clear 3 seconds. I think we've earned our break so head to the Glacier Creek Lodge for a couple of lattes & a cinnamon bun to share. First we're up Jersey Cream which seems to have been invaded by a hoard of marauding pirates! Chat to them at the top, they're from a ski club & come every year, always dressed as pirates, how have we missed them? Quick time check & reckon we have time for one go on the other run of the day, Cloud 9, on the other side of the mountain. It's a long road on Expressway until we arrive at Sunburn, a rather gnarly black usually filled with man eating moguls. Jo decides to give it a miss. Cloud 9 is not looking quite run of the day later in the day but it's nice enough, having said that I gave most of it a miss in favour of the first of the half decent off piste of the trip. We're pretty much out of time now so have to head down the mountain, long ride along Sunset Boulevard, then a even longer ride down the Green Line as conditions deteriorate all the way to the village.
Hop back to the room, quick shower, change & off to the dentist. Greeted by the ever smiling Dr Dave who takes my coat & puts me in the chair. Rather painful injection & a bit of a sit while it takes effect, which gives me a chance to think for the first time what's involved in an extraction. Soon enough Dave has his foot on my chest & both hands in my mouth. It's quite a wrestle, I feel a bit sorry for him, but eventually out she comes, followed by a fountain of blood that sprays the front windows (I may exaggerate a tad). The second extraction comes next as I hand over my Visa card, however they have written me a nicely exaggerated letter for the insurance. But wait, the worst is yet to come, I can only eat slush for the next two days, out goes the steak, chicken & pizza, in comes soup, yoghurt & smoothies. So that's what we get from the grocery store, along with salted caramel ice cream.
Back in the room & I'm feeling a bit grotty so a little rest on the bed while we watch Canada Boarder Control. They uncover a couple with a hash pipe in their car, but no drugs; a family that is bringing in a large sum of cash, but under the maximum allowed & a guy that brings in some luncheon meat. Guess it's true what they say, nothing ever happens in Canada. As we're not going out tonight, I finally have a crack at hooking up the Apple TV & it works a treat, watch our slalom video on the big screen, really cool.
Time for dinner & Jo joins me in purgatory at the home of steak & beer as we have vegetable soup for dinner while watching Big Bang Theory & Junior Master Chef USA, with Gordo as a judge. We do have the ice cream for afters though so that cheers me up. JT snoozes while I blog.
Smoke count 0
Beer count 8
Fall count - Rob 0 (3), Jo 0 (3)
Mike Dwomoh Stats
Ski Cross - 1'16"
Slalom Rob - 25.16"
Slalom Jo - 28.25"
Jo tells me she going to make breakfast this morning on account of my disabled gum, but first I have to tell her where the kitchen is. Once located she sets about the task, but first I have to explain how the microwave works, think she underestimated the complexity of breakfast. She does make a good oatmeal & a very fine smoked salmon with scrambled eggs. Listen to Classic FM & read The Times, shocking story of the execution of the Jordanian Flight Lieutenant. Get ourselves together, washed, stretched, into the gear & off to the Gondie by 9am. Blackcomb again today, thinking maybe some more racing. Fog on the lower mountain soon gives way to clear skies, shaping up to be a good day. It's been pretty mild the whole trip so I've finally plucked up the courage to ditch my ski jacket & sallopettes in favour of my lightweight pants & ever reliable Red Bull jacket. Get done up for the short hop to the chair, feeling very free in my lightweight gear, if a tad chilly. Weather keeps getting better on the way up, the sun is just coming over Blackcomb peak.
Quick run down Jersey Cream, then on to the slalom race centre, but they're closed until 11:30 for proper racing. Decide to head up to the Blackcomb Glacier & it is stunning up there, brilliant sunshine, warm, definitely the right decision to go lighter. Have a delightful run down & along Crystal Traverse then the run of the day Trapline, which is indeed fine. Back up the Glacier Chair to do it all again, only this time we take the off piste from the chair. I cut a high line into more off piste parallel with the piste, very rocky so have quite a run before it looks passable to rejoin. I make a decent fist of it in challenging conditions, some fluff, ice underneath & rocks everywhere. I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself until a guy considerably better just flies down the fall line. Unfortunately for him he flies into the bumps at the bottom, crashes into the piste & bounces into the bowl on the other side. Fearing the worst I quicken the pace to get to him, but as I reach the piste he's already clambering out, amazingly unscathed, albeit with one less ski than he started. We have a hunt round but can't see it anywhere so I agree to head into the bowl to look for it. It's a black, obviously, probably a bit more with marginal conditions but it's fine & within a couple of turns I've found it. Hold it up & my new friend does a pretty good job of skiing down on one ski. With my good deed done it's time to tackle the rest of the bowl, which is fine, but tricky at the bottom, choices are a forest of mini trees or narrow, rocky & icy, I choose the latter. Rendezvous with JT at the Glacier Lodge where we swap views of the same scene from our differing perspectives.
Coffee stop over we head back up for the run we intended to do the first time, along the traverse, same off piste for me & into Ridge Runner. Have a play along the side in the lumpy pow, spot JT, decide I'm going to race towards her & shower her in snow with my hockey stop, which I do a little too well, pull out just in time, spin round behind her & ski (slowly) into a tree & fall over. Jo is in absolute hysterics & so are the three blokes watching from the other side of the piste. I mean what's not to find funny about a guy in a flash jacket & pants, showing off in front of a girl & ending in an epic fail. Pick myself up & back to do the same again, this time JT joins me in Heavenly Basin, on purpose this time. As promised, the top is ok but gets gnarly towards the bottom, JT suggests we head through the trees to an easier pitch. It's a bit icy at the top but does look to get easier. Jo decides to slip slide but comes a cropper on a rock which dumps her on her ass, not a biggy, she carries on so I put in another couple of turns. Next thing I know she lets out a yelp & is stuck on her crossed skis 50m above me. Nothing else for it but kick my skis off & hike up. Jo has somehow managed to have crossed her skis & sitting on the opposite ski. Soon have her freed, kinda like untangling a wild animal from a snare, once she has her skis back on she's away, I look on with pride at such a majestic beast in her natural habitat. For me it's just a matter of hiking back down, skis on & the ski out. Regroup & down Jersey Cream, up & have a crack at the double diamond Jersey Cream Wall, after a tricky start its seems JT has got her mojo back.
It's 2:15 by now so decide to head back to mid mountain & plan our run down. I head for the ungroomed Catskinner, prepare for a gnarly run but it's pretty easy going, albeit steep & icy. Meet JT at the lift which is so slow but with entertainment from the budding X Games contestants in the nearby terrain park. We get the Peak to Peak over to Whistler & swap the slushy run down for the delights on Ptarmigan. All goes to plan until we actually get to Ptarmigan, it's closed for racing, but JT is convinced it's open further up, so we go down& up but it's not. So it's the heavy & slow Olympic, into the deteriorating Crabapple, then the very slushy home run to the village.
Skis off & handed to Jess from Fremantle, back to the room, stretch, strip off & shower. I pop down for coffee, alas my favourite Aussie isn't there today, probably heartbroken I didn't show up yesterday. Make myself a porridge in the room as cookies are off the menu, while we catch up on news from home. Attempt to watch something on the Apple TV I hooked up yesterday but can't get anything to play for more than 5 mins. Never mind, time to head out to dinner anyhoop.
Head down to Earls where we're greeted by a very lovely girl. As instructed I give her a firm pat on the ass, she's about to slap me when I say it's from Tony Malster & she just smiles & looks all misty eyed. Another lovely sees us to our table (another of Tony's harem) but served by a chap called Marlon from Frankfurt. I'm limited to the clam chowder due to my tooth but it's rather good, but the real reason for being here is the sticky toffee pudding. JT is rather reserved so joins me in desert. Round off with a macchiato, which at least Marlon, being European, understands, before heading out into the chilly night air for a late night grocery stop.
Quick stop at reception to moan about our towels being stolen, the room not being cleaned & the bathroom sink still not fixed, our Aussie friend is apologetic & promises to sort it out, we'll see. With that done, it's a race to get into the jammies & see if we can get anything on Apple TV, otherwise it's Canadian adverts until bedtime.
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 10
Fall count - Rob 1 (4), Jo 2 (5)
After my day off yesterday, JT has me back at work in the kitchen. Oatmeal, with added craisons for Jo, smoked salmon & scrambled egg with an added cream cheese bagel for Jo. It's snowing hard outside & has settled on the trees but the forecast is mixed so we're not getting our hopes up. Have quite a potter this morning, I've picked up a bit of a cold & JT's back is playing up so all in all we're not so prompt getting out. Grab our skis from the valet & see a lot of very wet people coming in already. Wade through the slush to Skiers Plaza, look at the boards & all the upper lifts are still closed, at 10 o/c. We find out later that neither of us were feeling the love for it this morning but neither of us say anything, so we're off up Blackcomb with the hope of things improving.
Rain is lashing on the gondie on the way up, which turns to sleety snow by the time we transfer to the chair lift, which lashes against our faces as we continue our ascent. Not such a quick run down to the Jersey Cream chair, very slushy, visibility not great either, especially when the snow builds up on your goggles. Ski over to mid stations to commence our run down the normally smooth & groomed Springboard. Jo gives fair warning that she's not feeling great, the lumps & bumps are really jarring her back & giving quite her a bit of gip. Look down Springboard & I have grave doubts that Jo is going to feel any better by the end of this run. Due to the snow falling from the early hours till now, the runs aren't groomed, but worse their lumpy, not steep enough to plow through & quite busy as so much of the rest of the mountain is closed. It's really tough going all the way & we have the longest run down ever. Get to Black Magic so I figure I might as well & it's probably run of the day, soft & fluffy, steep enough to get some momentum going. Meet up with JT & she's feeling pretty knocked about from the heavy run. She offers to come back up & hang out in the Rendezvous while I get some more skiing in but there's no download from there & frankly, it's pretty grim out & there's not much of the mountain open so we agree to ski out.
Back in the hotel 2.5 hours after leaving this morning, we hang up our wet gear, even our base layers are wet, we would be soaked to the skin if we'd stayed out all day! Quick change & head out for a walk through the village. It's raining pretty hard now & the plaza is turning into a lake. Wade our way round to Starbucks where we sit, chat & review the snow covered GoPro footage I shot on our brief stint on the mountain today. Spin round to the Lulemon store, good news for Jo, she finds lots of cool yoga gear for me to buy her, bad news for me the place is devoid of the usual bevy of lovelies. Next we head to the Whistler Blackcomb store in the Carlton lodge, get some presents for ourselves & home, plus some great research on goggles from the very well informed shop girl. Quick peek in McCoos (or McGoos as Jo likes to call it), grab the base layer from Helly Hansen Jo has been coveting since we arrived.
Well that's about all the excitement we can muster for one day, we're both feeling rather dispirited & under the weather so might as well have a bit of a veg in the room. Watch some online videos (no not that sort, some rad GoPro clips), Ice Road Truckers & other such Discovery programmes. 4 o/c comes round & Jo drags herself out for some coffee while I watch Canada Boarder, today they discover a mad woman attempting to bring in 2 tins of cat food (surprised I didn't read about that in The Times).
So eventually drag ourselves out to dinner, decide Sushi Village is the right consistency for my first solid meal. It's pouring with rain out & puddles everywhere, just as well it's just across the plaza. Bit of a wait for a table so head to the Salomon shop but for once don't really see anything, then to Showcase but it's all to Boarder for our taste & in any case it's time to head back to the village of raw fish where we are seated momentarily. We get settled at the sushi bar, our favourite as we can watch in wonder at the sushi chefs. Served by a delightfully mad Japanese lady who is most impressed with my arigato. Have the same as Sunday, but swap the chicken yakitori for the blackened cod & spider rolls for double tuna. It is, as always, utterly delicious & delightful.
Brave the downpour back to the hotel where we're in the jammies before you can say sayonara. Jo makes a cup of bed tea, we catch up on tomorrow's forecast, which is not looking good.
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 12
Fall count - Rob 0 (4), Jo 0 (5)
Teeth extracted - 1
Colds - 1
Back problems - 1
We made a pact last night that if the forecast is still the same & it's raining in the morning we will not waste a lift ticket & stay down. We get up at the usual time with some hope that things have changed but alas it is indeed raining outside & as we peruse the Whistler Blackcomb site over juice the weather report is, if anything, worse than predicted. Every cloud & all that we get washed up & head down for a Westin breakfast. We have the works, obviously, oatmeal, salmon & eggs and freshly made blueberry pancakes for afters, a true breakfast of delights. Tis a leisurely breakfast, as I devour The Times & JT flies solo on social networking, nearly 10 when we head up for our post breakfast rest.
We are feeling very sloth like but really struggling as there is not an awful lot to do in Whistler when you've been here 9 times & you're not skiing. Done dog sledding, snowmobiling, zip trekking (3 times) & ice climbing, none of them sounds remotely pleasant in the pouring rain either. We do eventually peal ourselves off the sofa for my plan of an excursion to the upper village. It's not raining too hard as we head out but just while we're enjoying a nice stroll past the main thoroughfare it comes down harder & by the time we reach the Four Seasons, we're looking like drowned rats. I explain to the lovely receptionist as I am to you, that while not completely disenchanted with the Westin, after 9 years here & 8 in the Westin we feel we should find out what else the resort has to offer. We are shown round the communal areas which are rustic & refined in equal measures, spa delightful & restaurant elegant. Wander round to the Fairmont for a similar peruse, with similar result. All in all both charming high end accommodation & while the Four Seasons shades it, we're not sure being limited to Blackcomb upload & longer walk to our main village favourites would tempt us away from the Westin. Will see what offers are on for next season, but in any case a very pleasant diversion on a horrendously wet Friday afternoon.
Pass by the lift status in the village & 3/4 of the lifts are closed, can't even get up as far as the alpine on either mountain, that is below the mid station of the Roundhouse & Rendezvous. So we missed out on possibly being able to do 5 runs....in the rain, boy was it a good decision to stay down. Back in the room for some Four Seasons & Fairmont research when there's a knock at the door & an offer to service the room, which is ironic as the rather random nature of the servicing was one of the reasons we looked further afield. Anyhoo with the excitement of fresh towels & sheets over we head out again into the dismal weather in search of some new goggles. Jo has decided that hers have seen better days & since the frame is coming off mine we should trade up together. See the same very helpful young lady in McCoos, we want low light performance as that certainly is Whistler. I quickly settle on these rather dashing Smith pair, Jo is torn between Oakley & Smith, honestly she must of switched between them 20 times, looking in the mirror, looking at me, looking puzzled. Eventually JT settles on the Oakley & since she also paid for mine I shouldn't grumble too much.
Quick shower & change for dinner & we're back out again for dinner at 6:50. Check out Brandy's but it's rather full so shlep down to the end of the village in the incessant rain. Get seated straight away & without looking at the menus we order fish & chips and 2 liftie lagers. Jo is fascinated by the brewer going about his business & the little train that runs along the first floor. Fush devoured but chups left unscathed means we can share a sticky toffee pudding, it is a fine offering, more traditional than the chocolate variety in Earls.
Trudge back through the wet village, quick game of Name that Tune in the lobby, Jo gets Angel is a Centrefold but has to get help from a passerby to get J Geils Band as the artist. Make it back to the room by 9 o/c so time to wrap up the blog & for Jo to do her exercises in preparation for a much more eventful day tomorrow.
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 15
Fall count - Rob 0 (4), Jo 0 (5)
Hotels investigated - 2
Thanks Tom, Robin & Alex for your suggestions for alternative ski destinations, perhaps Morzine for a cheeky long weekend, the others may have to wait for next season.
Great to have you back with us Mikey, where have you been ?!? I guess you didn't have too long to wait to find out what happened next, sounds like you snow plowed through them. We have a zero smoke count YTD, so hoping to keep it up. Googles look really cool, but I'm sure considerably more than the Smith ones I got & since I've already got a GoPro, would be difficult to justify with the long suffering JT. New goggles selfie on the blog photos.
So up at 7 with the hope of a much better day on the mountain. Breakfast is served & I even allow myself some craisons with my oatmeal & I've moved on to toast as I'm out of Dr Dave's danger zone. As a sign of our positivity we're out by 8:50, Skiers Plaza is rather busier today, quite a queue for Whistler mountain, but we're going up Blackcomb, which although the flow is heavier than any day so far we're still in the gondie within 5 mins. Rain lashes down on our way up, that wasn't on the forecast. Still raining as we switch to the Excellerator chair. Bleak & lumpy down to Jersey Cream & there's a queue too, this certainly isn't what we signed up for today, the run down Jim Wishbone is pretty nice though. I take a detour down the off piste, the pow is pretty deep, but kinda sticky, difficult to get going. Still busy at the lift so we head further over to the Crystal zone, where it gets very foggy very quickly, rain has stopped though. Back up the Crystal Chair where I spot some pow to play in right off the lift, got the GoPro with a looky-looky pole mount, so pop that on to show off my all terrain moves. Sink in the snow, still quite sticky, fall over, very slowly, got it all on video so that will amuse JT back in the room, on the Movie tab for others amusement. Run down follows a similar pattern, short patch of decent skiing followed by slush & fog, still adds some interest to the off piste with wide patches of grass & tree stumps to keep you on your toes.
Back at the top of the chair we peer into the Crystal Hut for a coffee stop, it's rammed. Ski down to the Glacier Creek Lodge, there's skis everywhere so can't be arsed with the faff. While we've always enjoyed small queues & light restaurant traffic at Whistler, the poor conditions this season have meant nothing of anything so this has all come as a bit of a shock. Compounded I'm sure by locals making the most of the limited skiing & with so much of the mountain still closed has funnelled everyone into a relatively small area. Still we're not ones to complain & we make the best of it, the Jersey Cream lift queue is a little lighter so we head back up there. JT is keen to give the double diamond Jersey Cream Wall another go, it looks pretty soft & forgiving. It's soft enough but that stickiness remains, turns are difficult & the skis don't run with any confidence, JT is not liking it, but again makes the best of it. Ski down to the Crystal zone, have a few decent runs & a few decent chats on the way back up, a video game programmer from Hammersmith living in Vancouver, a couple of Iranians living in LA & some ski club people.
Eventually JT talks me into making a stop at Glacier Creek, which isn't too bad by now & we have a pleasant stop. Having stopped though & the weather closing in still further we decide to make our way to the Blackcomb alpine & plan our ski out. Lift is lighter still, then we're down Jim Wishbone, Cruiser (Cruiser Bumps for me), then into the very slushy & busy Green Line into the village. It's about 3pm by the time we grind into the village, no one can say we didn't make the most of limited mountain coverage & challenging conditions.
Wade back to the hotel, strip off & while our outer layers are sodden, we're bone dry underneath, proving there is nothing that the Red Bull jacket can't cope with. Showered, I head down for the coffee, no sign of my Aussie favourite though, just as well as JT had snuck out to get a shot of me ordering coffee in my jammies, proof on the blog photos for Tony's amusement. Jo finds a new series of her favourite Ultimate Survival Alaska while we have a well earned rest.
Eventually manage to drag JT away from Alaska man Marty's bare chest & out to dinner, via the Carlton Lodge for some Fresh Track tickets (we're nothing if not optimists). As it's Saturday night we're going for curry & after having Royal Bengal the last couple of years we decide to switch back to the Tandoori Grill. Reasonably busy in the colonial outpost where we're served by a very excitable local who seems to have a thing for Jo. Two Kingfishers (Cobra is for tourists) & a fine Indian banquet is brought before us & devoured forthwith. The owner (well he's india) seems genuinely interested in our feedback, the Tandoori Archari was excellent. It is, of course, raining again on our long trip home up the village. Quick stop in Market Place for some more Advil & Ships Ahoy (as Jo calls them now, seems she has also created a Malster cookie trend).
Back in the room I complete the last of the blog while Jo thoughtfully prepares me a salt water rinse for my gum recovery. JT is a bit of an expert in this field, having had more salty fluids in her mouth than a cross channel swimmer. With that it's time to settle down with some Canadian adverts while falling asleep.
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 18
Fall count - Rob 1 (5), Jo 0 (5)
Salty mouthfuls - Rob 2, Jo...who's counting
Up at 6, quick check of the forecast, still looks pretty good, although 7th Heaven is groomed so have a little debate about getting the first Blackcomb lift up but settle on the Whistler fresh tracks. Get out at 7 o/c & in the sizeable Whistler queue soon after, but the gondie soon starts so we're moving & on our way in about 15 mins. Pretty uneventful ride up, rain at the base, cloud mid mountain & blue skies in the alpine. Hop off & jump into the Roundhouse. JT has a hankering for a bacon sandwich so I'm off to get the stuffing while she mans the toaster. When I return Jo gives me a hard time for having some french toast on my bacon & eggs plate but I ain't got no maple syrup on top. Bell goes soon after & the restaurant empties out, we're on our way once JT finishes her banana bread course.
The snow is pretty fresh a we make tracks to Little Red Run, which a little lumpy but nice enough. Carry the speed at the end of the run to make it up the hill to Lower Franz. The cloud is just closing in a tad as we kick off & oh my goodness the snow is wet & heavy, I've never known the slush to make it this far up the mountain, can't say I'm a fan. Nonetheless we head up & do the same, except Jo heads off to Porcupine while I do the lumpy blue, back together at Franz & it hasn't improved. The Peak is on standby & there is already a massive queue, weather is closing in at the top too, can't see them opening it anytime soon. Over on Blackcomb however, 7th Heaven has just opened so we decide to do the old mountain switcheroonie, manage to bag a glass bottomed gondie too.
It's a quick traverse along Expressway & we arrive at 7th Heaven bathed in sunshine & with a mahoosive queue. Probably takes around 15 mins to get on the chair, lovely ride up & lovely conditions all the way to the top. Hugh's Heaven is the run of the day so start off on him, but there's been masses of snow up high & this area has been closed for the last 3 days so I just gotta go off piste. To be honest I don't even make it half way down the first pitch & I'm off. Meet up at the sign & pick our route from there, Jo wants to continue on Hugh's, I look over my shoulder & say I'm going to pretty much head straight down. It's good too, hardly skied at all, I even make some true fresh tracks, skiing with pow up to my knees. Reasonably tough going though as I battle in the deep pow & steep pitches in places. Anyhoo, meet JT at the top on Sunburn as she's keen to conquer the moguls. Queue is still of European proportions so we decide to use the singles line, which Jo takes a little too literally as she's hit on by a ski instructor. Find her on top, still single & ready for some more. We take another 3 runs of the same with some slight variation off & on piste, each time increasing in confidence (over confidence in my case) & each time finishing on the moguls of Sunburn. Just like in the bedroom, Jo begs me to stop after the 5th time so we head to the Hortsman Hut.
JT goes ahead & bags us a table, I wade in, determined not to put my goggles on top of my helmet & get the inside wet, they instantly fog up in the steamy hut so I'm feeling around the patrons to find my beloved. Coffee, pastry & JT staple of banana bread as we enjoy the distinctly European surroundings. Refreshed we head out for more of the similar.
Fit in another 3 runs, all subtly different, each with changing conditions, each with the lift queue getting lighter. Eventually after fitting in 8 big ones in one day, JT has had enough, feeling a bit sore too (sore toes), so we plan our route down. After getting the first lift up of the day we get the last lift of the day from 7th Heaven. It's a long green from the top to the Rendezvous so we take the more direct route off the lift, or Drop In as JT puts it (she's so sic). Tis a long & winding road back, then take some fairly enjoyable runs down Jim Wishbone, Cruiser & Cruiser Bumps, JT accompanies me down the black today as she has nothing to fear & it's a damn site shorter than following the Green Line. There's no getting round the village run though, for either of us. It's long, slushy, actually wet in places, saps the legs & actually takes a fair amount of attention with the lumps, bumps & heavy traffic. We do however make it to the village unscathed.
JT is looking rather sweaty & as we walk across the plaza, turning to me declaring that tonight she wants a dirty burger & a couple of pints (shurley there must be an innuendo in there somewhere, must be losing my powers). Anyhoop, back in the room, strip, stretch & shower, then I'm down to get the coffee, pretty sure I'm not being stalked today, just as well as my favourite husky Aussie is back on from a couple of days off. Jo seems to be getting a little concerned with my burgeoning relationship with this down under barista, until I point out she's only ever seen me in my jammies, which for some reason puts her mind at rest. Enough of that, coffees, caramel dairy milk & Ships Ahoy to tied us over while we watch Storage Wars & rest Jo's sore toes.
Head out into skiers plaza at 7pm, exactly 12 hours since we first left for the mountain this morning. Our goal is the GLC but we have forgotten that it's Sunday night & Sunday night means Fire & Ice, which means it's rammed. It's just finishing too so we quicken the pace (or limp in Jo's case) to get to Brandy's before the crowds. Get in & seated in prime position to watch all three programmes on the giant screen around the room, no Hockey on tonight though, the Bear Rimmers won 5-0 last night apparently. JT does indeed order the dirty burgers as we start with a couple of honey lagers. I point out that Jo is drinking hers like a girl so she quickly ups the pace & the decibels of her belches. The burgers come & go, as do we & hit the walk back in the mild evening. Grab a quick Starbucks to get me through the blog, while the beers seem to have gone to Jo's head, she is rather silly on the way home.
Back in our home from home, we're back in our jammies & packed down before you can say "we'll never stay awake through The Hunger Games"
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 22
Fall count - Rob 1 (6), Jo 1 (6)
As we enjoy having you along Dr D. A long road trip sounds awesome (as they say out here), time for another sabbatical? Will that be across the US or into Canadia too?
Up at 7, serve breakfast to the long suffering MrsT while listening to XFMs Drive Time & reading The Times. Quick check of the forecast, cloudy, low freezing level but at least it should be dry. Washed, stretched & into the gear, it's Arcteryx waterproofs & Red Bull jacket again for me. A little later out today, just after 9 o/c & there's a rather large queue for the Whistler gondola, not what we were expecting for a Monday. Finally grab our gondie after 20 mins, we're sharing with a father & son and 2 ski instructors, 1 of them very excitable with a voice that makes you jump every time she speaks. They all get out at mid stations leaving the gondie to ourselves, I make an inappropriate suggestion & JT slaps me (so what else is new).
Out at the Roundhouse, ready for a warm up run. Head off down Green Acres, a bit slushy then I duck under the rope to take a short cut to the lift, JT takes the less direct route. Jump on the lift with our new friends, a Mountain Host for Jo & a ski school kid called Patrick for me. Patrick is quite the conversationalist, he's in ski grade 6 & there's a grade 7 & there's a grade 8 & there's a grade 9 (etc), he thinks I would be in high school grade 4. Patrick is having jam sandwiches for lunch, then they have ice cream for late lunch, then his mum picks him up & he has hot chocolate, he normally gets up at 7 but for ski school he has to be up at 6:30.........these are just the highlights, bless him. We say a fond farewell to Patrick & Jo's host friend, who while I was finding out about the day in the life of ski school, finds out it's Family Day public holiday today which is why the mountain is so busy. So we head over to the peak which is looking very cloudy & the lift not busy. I have a chat with the English liftie as I produce our splendid Viking duck from the British Museum for the duck disco. Hop on the chair & ride up, JT is studying the sparse skiers in the bowl, I ask her hopefully if she fancies it then, she replies with a stern no. Ho, hum we're off to Symphony via the Burnt Stew Trail. It's thick cloud on the trail so I'm back to using The Force, Jo on the other hand with her amazing new Oakley X-Men goggles can see everything (well something). Ski across & down Jeff's Ode to Joy which is ok & down to the lift, which is light. Back up top is pretty grim, doesn't get a whole lot better as we tackle Adagio, with some off piste thrown in. Next run we're off through Staccato Glades & onto Glissando as the snow starts to fall. Falling quite hard on the way back up, with the added delight of the wind whipping ice crystals into your face. Snowing & foggy now at Piccolo Peak & since I can't see anything it's time to head for the double diamond Flute Bowl. It's vertical & thick powder, a tricky manoeuvre but what the heck, don't think I was the quickest down but since no one else is doing it, I don't have a benchmark. Bit of a tricky ski out too, which is where I come a cropper, over a couple of risers then a 2 metre vertical drop off, which I could have handled but I looked down, lost my nerve & dropped like a stone. Bit of a job to dig myself out of the pow & to cap it off have to hike up the next rise. Meet JT en route to the lift & tell her I want to do it all again. Snowing harder on the lift, we're starting to get wet, really grim at the peak. Down the same route, make a better fist of Flute Bowl, linking shorter turns & get down quicker, don't get caught out by the drop off either.
Jo's had enough but we have to ride the lift again for the ski out of Symphony. It's really snowing hard now, whipping our faces & soaking us. Ski down Jeff, rejoin Burnt Stew Trail & along to the Harmony Chair, where my lift pass stops working, I'm guessing it's become waterlogged. They let me through so I can enjoy the pleasure of getting more soaked & shredded with more ice. Off the lift & onto Pikka's Traverse, over to The Roundhouse & down through the slush of Whiskey Jack to the Chic Pea. We strip off our soggy layers, find a seat in our favourite Whistler post & what better day to have our first Moroccan Beef Stew of the trip. It's good as we dry out best we can, I must say that my Red Bull jacket fared at least as well as JT's specialised Spyder ski jacket. Decide that it's just so grim we're going to ski out, in any case it's 2:30 so not that disgraceful, but first there's the small matter of putting our cold wet gear back on. Ski down as fast as the sticky slush will allow us, down Old Crow, Upper Olympic & into Crabapple, which was pretty nice at the start of the trip, now it has less coverage than Madonna's outfit at the Grammys. Big patches of grass & dirt spread across the piste throughout the lower part. What the village run makes up for in coverage it gives back in thick, sloppy goop, all in all a less than enjoyable run in.
Kick our skis off & hand them to the valet before nipping into guest services to replace my lift ticket & top them both up for one more day, funnily enough we are the only ones in there. Back in the room & it's straight off with the wet gear, pile it all in front of the fire before jumping into a nice warm shower. I head down for the lattes but alas my Aussie friend is not there, but her substitute makes a decent coffee. Settle in the room with our staple chocolate & Ships Ahoy while watching red neck Family Feud & the funniest King of Queens ever. Doug finds out his parents replace his dog Rocky when he dies without him knowing, so now they're on Rocky 4 and Doug was actually born in Canada, eh?
Enough of that we have a reservation with the Earls lovelies. Usual delights are on offer in the upmarket sports bar, delectable waitresses, quaffable beverages, chicken or ribs or in Jo's case both. We share a sticky toffee pudding for afters washed down with a double macchiato which should hopefully see me awake till 10 o/c. Quick stop in the grocery store for tomorrow's breakfast, Jo gets maple cookies for her office, I get salmon jerky for mine (should go nicely with the the crab paste from Singapore). Make it back in the room without getting too wet from the all too familiar village drizzle. Quick brush of the teeth (gums in my case), in the jammies & into bed, now let's see what drivel we can find on the TV.
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 24
Fall count - Rob 2 (8), Jo 0 (6)
Alarm goes off at 7, pop it on snooze but it's no good, Jo's foot is in my back & I'm up. Pop Classic FM on while I concoct a breakfast of delights, a couple of bowls of Cinnamon Grahams to start & a fruit muffin to finish. Sit, listen & read The Times while JT catches up on news from home. We're pretty disciplined & get out at our target time of 8:50 & we're at the Blackcomb gondie by 9 o/c. So much bare ground on the ride up. Chat to a guy in the lift that seems to be connected with the mountain about the new lift system that scans you on every lift. He doesn't seem to think too many people skin up to avoid the lift tickets but he does tell us about a Norwegian woman that got lost in the back country & they were able to narrow down the search by seeing the last lift she was scanned at. In any case, other than my failed card yesterday it hasn't impacted us either way, good to know if we end up wandering too far off piste. Ride up the Excellerator & it's looking pretty nice, sun's out, not much cloud about (or aboot as they say round here).
Up Jersey Cream & onto Springboard which according to the snow report has been groomed, hmm kinda thought they meant last night but hey ho, it's not a bad run but not the corduroy that JT was hoping for. It's a nice pitch though & gives me a chance to watch Jo skiing groomed (ish) run, I notice she kicks her left ski out in the turn rather than letting it come round, just like her dad does. Anyhoo, we're headed for the Ski Cross track where I film myself down the course with my pole mounted looky-looky camera. Ski pretty well but my companion, Lyndsey Von Thomas doesn't fare so well. She took the corner a bit too fast, went up the bank & crashed into the netting, just like a proper olympic skier, she's ok though. Ski down the rest of Springboard & arrive at Black Magic, I tell Jo it's a piece of cake & shorter than the slushy ski round. It's not a piece of cake, it's grassy, rocky & littered with tree stumps but in my defence has deteriorated a lot since I last skied it but that doesn't make Jo any happier & doesn't speak to me on the way back up. Like a trooper Jo goes back for another run on the Ski Cross & does it well. Looking for more racing we're off to the GMC slalom centre, get in a couple of runs with some cool footage too, check out the movie tab.
Now we're heading up the Glacier Chair for some more action, which is exactly what JT spots from the lift, she fancies Dakine, a rather gnarly black tackled many times in previous trips but these are marginal conditions but whatever the lady wants. Surveying the landscape on the rest of the journey I decide I'm going to cut across the powder over the ridge, Jo is heading down the Blue Line so we'll meet at the sign. It's reasonably hard work, especially as I pick the hardest pitch on each section. Through the powder slow enough not to fall on my ass but fast enough to make it up the ridge. The last pitch is a bit daunting, steep, icy & full of rocks, but I see JT coming round the corner so I'm determined to put on a good show. Which I do, but I don't think Jo's seen me as she skis past the top of Dakine, I wave madly but she just keeps on going. I'm at the top of the run, confused but head down nonetheless. It's pretty icy & gravelly, I'm pretty tired after the off piste but again I make a good fist of it. Meet up with JT to find out what happened, turns out she just didn't fancy it, ho hum. Down & up, this time we're heading for the Crystal Traverse to the hut of the same name. As on previous days I take the high line into the steep pow pitch, which at the risk of sounding like a show off, I ski impeccably, linking all my turns all the way down & not bouncing down across the road into Heavenly Basin like my Canadian friend the other day. Cruise along the road to the Crystal Hut where we plan to gorge ourselves on their famous fully loaded waffle. It is so fully loaded with syrup, berries & chocolate I often joke I'll ask them to put a pork pie on top but now they're offering bacon with it, yuk! We have one each, with no bacon or pork pie & it is......fantastic!
Sitting in our little hut we're hoping the cloud that was rolling in would give way to more sunshine, we were even planning on going up the T Bars. Alas the cloud has closed in & it's starts snowing, so decide its a much better idea to head over to 7th Heaven. I manage to find some moguls on the way, not what JT was looking for on top of the waffle but drops in all the same. I'm waiting quite a while at the bottom, wondering where's Jo but soon she appears, "how was it" I enquire, JT replies "I slid down head first on my back & got to eat my waffle all over again", I presume that means good, so off we go to 7th Heaven. Arrive at Sunburn which we both ski well down to the lift. Oh it's grim up top, cloudy & flat light, even JT struggles in her new X Men goggles. We kinda lose the piste & want to be nearer the middle, Jo says we should head for the spot between the trees, I go first to check it out. I call back to say that it's off piste & powder, Jo calls back to say she found the piste so she'll see me at the lift. Riiiiiiiight, second time she's stitched me up today. It's tough, but good fun to be honest so I don't mind. Meet up at the lift & decide we're going to ski back to mid stations & I'm going to give our favourite gladed runs a last go, only I find one called Everglades en route so do that while Jo skis round on the road. Not sure if I ever found it but again good fun through the trees & powder. Miraculously, I find Jo (fittingly) at the top of Where's Joe. There are signs all over it "Ski Boundary", "Not Patrolled", "Ski at Your Own Risk", I figure this means that it's all good so head down while Jo skis round. It's a little trickier than previous years but fun & soon meet up with JT at the bottom. Jo says even the road of Sunset Boulevard has signs saying marginal conditions & it certainly is we see rocks slides all over the piste. As it's so treacherous & foggy I keep an eye on my girl all the way, that is until we get within site of the lift, which is where she falls on her head.
Showing that I have at least some compassion, I tell JT that we should ski out from the top, she reluctantly agrees. Head off down Jim Wishbone for the last time, then into Cruiser, where I'm skiing fast & good when inexplicably I catch an edge & take a rather large tumble. I see JT picking up my skis but I can't have that so hike up to grab them. The rest goes without incident, down Cruiser (Cruiser Bumps for me) then into the long & slushy village run, which is kinda good as we certainly won't miss doing this for the last time. Kick our skis off in the plaza for the last time, hand them into valet, for the last time, then head off to Starbucks to get Jo an end of season mocha, which I have to rescue from some woman trying to steal it from the bar, excuse me is your name Elvis?!? Back in our room with coffees in tact, stretch, shower, jammies (next year I'm going all the way into the village in my jammies), we look for some TV. Actually find some TV worth watching on NatGeo, Treasure Traders about some weird guy that looks like Ozzie Osbourne that buys shrunken heads & 16th century torture stuff, oh & Richard Hammond's Science of Stupid.
Eventually drag ourselves out for our 7:30 reservation in The Keg. Get seated, know what we want, two beers & two steak oscars. Jo thinks the waitress is pregnant but for once does ask, she doesn't need too, she's the chattiest waitress ever, by the end of dinner we know how far she is, what her due date is, her husband's name, where they got married & much more, anyhoo good luck for the 26th of May. Rare steaks demolished & another couple of beers downed it's time to head home. JT is again a bit tipsy & silly so I have to keep her in check on the walk home. Back in the room she's passed out with her trousers round her knees, so tuck her up in bed for the night.
Smoke count - 0
Beer count - 28
Fall count - Rob 1 (9), Jo 3 (9)
The seven o'clock alarm would never ring, but it rings and I rise, wipe the sleep out of my eyes, my shaving razor's cold and it stings. Cheer up sleepy Jo, it may be our last day in Whistler but we have Westin breakfast waiting for us downstairs. In the restaurant by 7:30, I shun the oatmeal because a) I've had a lot of oatmeal this trip & b) it's not actually that good, eggs Benedict that follows is & so are the blueberry pancakes that finish our final breakfast of delight. Have a good old chat, read of the news & catch up on social media, then back up to the room just after 9. Have a reasonably efficient pack, the oversized ski bag takes a pounding with stuff packed into every nook & cranny. Snow & Rock bag is looking a little worse for wear from the years of stuffing abuse, bit like my old mum but let's not go there. We're out by 10:30 to do the shopping we've not got round to for the rest of the trip.
Start off at the bottom of the village as is our efficient routine. Mooch in the North Face shop, lots of nice stuff but nothing that grabs us so much we need to get it, oh apart from the hat for Georgia, apparently it glows in the dark! No summit suit for us to admire & JT to hug, nothing lasts forever I guess. Have a nose in the plethora of tourist shops, but like us, the family & friends are pretty well stocked with Whistler / Vancouver / Canada mementoes. Similarly there are only so many T Shirts I can justify with slogans like "I saw it on TV, I'm pretty sure I can do it" or "its funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious". Still manage to grab a bear for Isabelle, hope he doesn't cause too much mess in their new house. Stock up on socks from various other stores, including the Salomon shop where we gets chatting to a chap form Glasgow. We talk about skiing in Glencoe & I pray that JT doesn't run it down & cause another diplomatic incident, she doesn't. Pop into the Helly Hansen shop in the hotel for Callum's hat, then quick pitstop at the hotel Starbucks kiosk, alas no fond farewell with my Aussie favourite. In the room there's still oodles of time for us to cram the rest of the packing, shower & change fresh for our flight. The Westin continues to improve in our eyes as they have granted us a 2pm check out.
Next stop is the Garibaldi Lift Co (GLC) as a last gasp addition to our favourite sports bars. Yet again we don't really need to look at the menu, 2 Bear Paw honey lagers & 2 crunchy ahi tuna rolls. All goes down very nicely as we watch some lunatics skiing down impossible slopes doing impossible stunts. Chat to the waitress about the weather in resort, people just can't stop talking about it, but we're not complaining, we made the best of the conditions & found some good skiing in spite of it all. We're still thankful that we're not just starting in these conditions & with the forecast for the coming week. Anyhoop, time to trot back to the Westin for a little sit in reception & wait for a member of Brooke's clan to collect us. Fill the time with things to remember to bring or not to bring for next time.
Soon enough we see our bags disappearing with Brooke's dad out the door, so we get ourselves together to meet our old friend. Chat about travelling on the way, some of Brooke senior's tales we know, some we are hearing for the first time. He also knows everything about everything that goes on in the bay & surrounding area, so fascinating is it that Jo even stays awake for some of the journey. Brooke's dad takes us for a lovely little guided tour through Stanley Park, what it would be like to have such a place in striking distance. Anyhoo, we're pulling into the airport just as elder Brooke is finishing his story of going to the Lloyds building.
Smooth check in, ski bag dropped off, no search this time, Jo thinks it's cause they've heard about my socks. Through fast track security that leads us to the one scanner that's open in the very quiet Vancouver airport. Wander past the shops & head directly for the lounge. While away the time with a couple of G&Ts and a selection of sandwiches while we get on with our respective potterages. Pretty soon they call the only flight that is supporting the little BA outpost in Vancouver airport, all the ladies of the lounge line up to wave us off, bless them. Journey down the elephant's trunk & upstairs is pretty uneventful. We are, of course, served champagne on arrival, rather disappointing array of mumsy attendants but hey ho. Soon in the air, have to wake JT up to start our film, after much debate we settle on the gritty Brad Pitt WWII tank buster, Fury, rather than the award winning & critically acclaimed Whiplash. Film is indeed gritty, gripping & gory, a good choice. Being multitasking mammals we simultaneously enjoy dinner including Alaskan halibut & lemon tart, all rather average, washed down with G&Ts for me & Kir Royale for JT, all rather good. Film & dinner completed, time to get some night nights so time to recline & turn in. Reckon we got 3-4 hours sleep, fairly comfortable but rather warm. Awake to the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen & choose our entertainment for the run in to Heathrow. I go for the dark, unnerving Jake Gyllenhaal thriller Night Crawler, Jo goes for Paddington. Both good but I don't get to finish mine so will have to rent it on Netflix or whatever the kids are watching movies on these days.
Smooth landing into T5 & we are very prompt off the plane, barge aside the snowboarder on crutches & we're off, got to get the train from C gates, boo. No queue at the passport e readers, Jo's doesn't work but she doesn't know this as she has to take her glasses off to use it & she can't see the terminal without them, let alone instructions on the screen. Trott down to baggage reclaim where we have a fair wait for the ski bag and Snow & Rock bag, then an interminable wait for the next 2. When they eventually arrive, we hear a BA announcement as we're leaving "British Airways apologise for the baggage delays on the flight from Vancouver, this was due to.....errrr....staff shortages", oh that would be the 20 baggage handlers that wandered out while we were standing waiting for our luggage then. Ho hum, JT gets the coffees while I get & load the car then we're on our way at last! Pretty smooth round the 25, onto the 13 & home.
So what did we learn...
Rain & warm weather in a ski resort is not a good thing
Whistler is not perfect but when you know a place you know how to get the best out of it
The best of the weather is in the morning
You don't have to study the piste map & plan 10 runs ahead, sometimes just go with it
The Vancouver lounge matron is called Sandra
We still don't know Brooke's dad's name
All North American TV is rubbish
Dr Mikey Dwomoh Overall Statistics (2014 in brackets)
Max speed – N/A (98.3 km/h) - just not enough groomed steeps to get speed
Max metres descended – N/A (6,336) - insufficient data
Dave Murray record – (N/A) - lower Dave not open
Ski Cross - 1'16"
Slalom
Rob - 25:16" (24:05") - 2013
Jo - 26:80" (25:90") - 2013
Didn't have our race skis on this year
Fall Table
Rob - 9 (11)
Joanna - 9 (9)
Reducing my falls from last year, the first time I haven't taken the title outright. We skied more days this year too.
Tony - DNQ
Jenny - DNQ
Keeping the seniors records in preparation for their next Canadian challenge
Booze & Fags
Smokes – 0 (30)
Beers – 30 (39)
G&Ts - 8 (8)
Champagne - 4 (7)
Booze hit hard by JTs course of antibiotics
The Dwomoh family North American road trip sounds amazing, very jealous. Look forward to hearing all about it Dr D!
Up at 5am, quick freshen up then cereal bar juice & espresso to liven me up. Have rather a faff with the iPod sync & leave slightly later than planned but it's a short run into the Wharf. Book our Uber transfer to City at the last second before entering the car park. Wrestle our bags above ground & shortly Owen is here in his Peugeot. Adam & Malcolm arrive just before us so alas we miss Mr Flory senior. Bit of a bag strap faff at check in & security outing me with the fags still in my rucksack I had in NY, but otherwise uneventful so far. Once airside JT demands a bacon roll & soon has one in her grubby little mitts. Adam gets a call from Harriet over breakfast, "but isn't it 2:45am in NYC" I ask, Adam looks surprised by my question, she's off to an after party, of course she is.
We trot to the gate & wait in our pen like good mammals, soon onboard where I have a terribly polite altercation with a chap because I've no idea how I've booked the 3 into 4 seat configuration. Jo, Adam & I play musical chairs for a while, chap gets fed up & finds another seat. Bit of a delay taking off, something about weather in Geneva, but by 8:30 we're off on runway 09, which according to the TAF, has a 2kt headwind & 5kt crosswind component. Visibility is all the 9s, few clouds at 1,200 ft & a QNH of 1006, I pass all this on to the pilot as he starts his nav from junction 28 of the M25 (well that's what I do, don't see why he would be any different). We settle into our respective entertainment & wait to be fed & watered.
Breakfast is served & it is ok, nothing special & no champagne, very strange. Rest of the flight passes without incident. Spectacular views of Lake Geneva as we approach & spectacular private jets (or PJs as Adam says, I think he's talking about his jammies). Hop down the stairs & onto the smarties bus to the rather crowded passport control. Flip a coin & go for the general foreigner queue over the EU, works out ok & we're soon grabbing our expedition bags & meeting our driver chappy. Thanks to my frugality with a shared transfer we have the opportunity to avail ourselves of the airports coffee & eventually beer during our 50 min wait for the otters.
The otters eventually emerge through arrivals & we off on the rather picturesque journey to Chamonix. We drink in the views on the hour journey to the resort where we bid farewell to our fellow adventurers who all seem to be here for the same challenge. Eva from Nomadic Ski greets us & shows us round until a charming Irish hippy chap, we will call Trevor for now, takes over. Adam has a charming shared room with a yet to be unveiled guest, could it be a 23 year old bohemian backpacker girl or a 23 stone Scot with a drinking problem & a penchant for young men from coastal Kent towns, only time will tell. JT & I are shown to the rather grandiose penthouse over the garage, this is all for us I question, it surely is. We have a spare bed, sofa & separate wine refrigerators for red & white.
Quick change in our respective homes, including a switch to the converto shorts & thongs for JT & me, it is rather warm in the resort, even at 1,900m. We have a delightful browse of the outdoor shops, not that we really have anything to get. Adam has been an efficient mammal in stocking up on last minute gear, bought, reclaimed & pilfered from his parents. He does manage to get some fine Marmot gloves, but then only to covert the ones we see in the North Face shop, which I buy for no good reason other than they're orange. I also get a pair of socks, also for no good reason, JT oos & aahs a lot but finishes empty handed. All this shopping is making me hangry, we must stop in one of these charmingly French streetside cafes, the only problem is which one. Finally settle on a charmingly French one, order beer, wine, paninis & a steak frites for me, which is all good & my companions generously help me with.
Final challenge is to find a can of mixed gin & tonic for summit day, failing that some gin & some tonic we can decant & sneak in our bags, alas we return to Le Castle empty handed. It's a quick change before time for Eva's talk on stuff, which is fine, but the real detail will be coming with the guides tomorrow. We do meet the rest of our team, Tom from London, Kent a Saffa living in Amsterdam, a Houston oil rigger, a couple from Virginia who's names escape me, Israeli father & daughter, Jasmine from Oz living in Copenhagen. Adam, Jasmine, Jo & I pop to the big Carrefour & an offie in search of Gin, alas Adam & I return empty handed.....again.
Straight into dinner where we meet the other group who submitted Grand Paridiso today. Dinner is a fine three course fare & we get the opportunity to get acquainted with the people that will undoubtedly become our friends over the next week. Soup, bacon potato cake & meringue demolished we continue chatting as the final member of our team joins us, farmer Tom. Farmer Tom is a farmer who talks passionately about all things farming, from the price of sheep to milking badgers. Pretty soon it is only Jasmine, Adam, JT & me remaining in the castle dining room, so with a big few days ahead of us we decide the most sensible thing is to.....go into town for a nightcap.
Retrace our steps into town through the drizzle & select the lucky establishment. Tis a nice little bar, settle in & order Merlot for the ladies & rather large measure of gin for the hardened men. Move on to the bar's signature cocktail, The Isabelle, that the barman makes with great gusto. Have a most enjoyable chat with friends new & old until we are inundated with a massive group of drunken, rowdy Scott's (what other sort is there). Time to wander back through the rain, say nighty nights to our companions & head up to our little hideaway.
Distance travelled - 993km
Altitude gained - 1,904
Gins consumed - 4
Awake just before our 7am alarm, quick freshen up then time to lay our gear out military style, as stipulated by our guides. Head over to breakfast through the pouring rain & avail ourselves of cereal, breads & jams, washed down with lashings of coffee. Back down to the lounge area to meet our guides, an update on the weather & a run down on the itinerary for the week. The news is so bad they've sent John the owner in to break it to us. Basically thunderstorms, rain & high winds, hmm doesn't sound ideal & it is far from it. Not going to be summiting Gran Paradiso, forecast is constant rain tomorrow so we're not stay out at the hut tonight either. Forecast for Mt Blanc late in the week is brutal, heavy snow & -13C. I have a feeling it's going to turn out just fine though.
Owner John is also a pilot so we have a delightful chat about flying, he has some great stories of the amazing views & challenging altiports. I promise to come back out & go flying with him. David accompanies us back to our room for the kit check. David is an affable Geordie who we chat to about all things mountain while he gives our gear the once over. Everything seems to be in order, he even gives the thumbs up to my rather beaten looking Red Bull jacket, after blowing through it to confirm (although it kinda looked like he was smelling it, either way it passed). With our kit checked we can pack for the day ahead.
Next challenge on our challenging expedition is an expedition to the sandwich shop. Jo manfully chooses the toasted ham & emmental panini, Adam adventurously goes for the panini Parisian, I go balls deep with the ciabatta & creme patisserie afters (more of that later). Now you might think we all went for a lay down after that excursion, but you would be wrong, we jump in our boots, lash our packs to our backs & head to the train station. Well after Adam makes a French Press of coffee for the trip. Simon, the lead guide, is getting a bit antsy with all this faffing but at least it's stopped raining at last. Trek to the train station where we find out we've just missed the train, despite phoning ahead to ask them to wait, Simon's mood does not improve. Still at least we have time to pop over to the cafe for a cheeky machiatto.
Finally board the train & spend the interesting journey having an interesting chat to Simon now his blood pressure has returned to normal. He regularly guides Vinson, Aconcagua & Denali, so we milk him dry of information. Arriving at the station we're split into 3 sub teams, Adam, his oil rigger bunk mate Nadar, JT & I form the elite group with Geordie David. It's now baking hot up in the alpine & we strip gear off as we go. Head down the path, jump into our harnesses, don our jaunty helmets then rope up as its via ferrata time. First pitch is a little daunting on the ladder bolted to the rock face, not really having any idea what lies below. David plays it safe though & sends Adam down first. We negotiate the tricky ledges & rickety ladders all the way down to the glacier, definitely type 2 fun.
Once on the glacier we make good time jogging along to our rest stop where we break out the sandwiches. Feeling rather stuffed after our delicious lunch, it is of course time to bend over & wrestle our crampons on. Crampons fixed we have a good old stomp around & of course a swing of the ice axe. We impress David so much he's decided to send us down a crevasse. I belay David down so he can climb up & show us how it's done. Have a go Jo is next up as I belay her down, only for her to emerge shortly from her icy enclave. Ad, Nadar & I take our turns, David even takes an axe off me to mix things up a bit. Alas all good things come to an end, it is time to retrace our steps back down the glacier, pack our crampons away & back up the via ferrata. Tis a much easier proposition in the other direction, while arguably a little tougher physically it seems a lot simpler & we all tackle with great speed & gusto. There's rumour of a bar at the station so I jog on ahead to get them in, to no avail though, the lazy French have shut the bar. Never mind, tuck into my wonderful creme patisserie while Adam serves me coffee from his thermos.
Once on the train we enjoy the stunning views of the valley & mountains that encircle it, while enjoying more of Adam's coffee of course (we're not animals you know). Short hop from the station to the hotel, where Simon does his debrief on today & prep for tomorrow while we get stuff out to dry in the warm afternoon sun. Quick change of footwear before Adam, JT & I head into town for a cheeky spot of shopping & an even cheekier beer. Grab ponchos, a hip flask, couple of tops & some pants for Ad, alas not the Super Dry Hawaiian I recommended, maybe it's too soon in his relationship with Nadar. Grab a beer each in the very English pub, shun Leicester vs Villa on the big screen for people watching outside. Time is getting on though & we need to be back tor dinner, fortunately JT works out a short cut & we're back before you know it. Quick shower & over to the mess floor for another delightful dinner no doubt.
Spinach soup starter is wonderful as is the crem brûlée afters, mains of potato stew & rice less so. After dinner talk seems to revolve around politics on both sides of the Atlantic, spurred on by the controversial election of Jez Corbyn to the Labour leadership. With some team members waining there's interest from the remaining population to watch a movie downstairs in the commune area. Donnie Darko from my iPad through the Apple TV is proving popular but find a whole library available on their network. After much debate I push for The Blues Brothers, which goes down very well indeed with movie buffs Kent, Jasmine, Nadar,Tom, Jo & Adam. Christian walks passed & is hooked, Israeli dad even gets up to watch it, such is the draw of the classic.
Well we're all tuckered out so head to bed, for Jo & me that means braving the torrential rain that has built up ready to soak us tomorrow. Brave it we do & are soon tucked up in beddybyes
Distance travelled - 1,009km
Altitude gained - 1,903m
Gins consumed - 4
Beers quaffed - 8
Up again at 7, ablutions in the penthouse followed by breakfast with our new buddies. Upload a glut of photos & yesterday's blog while we wait to hear the plan du jour. Simon says the weather came in & cleared earlier than expected, we should have a decent morning followed by a grim afternoon, so the sooner we leave the better. Unfortunately there's still some shopping & faffing to be done, so sets a very conservative ETD of 11 o/c. Jo, Adam & I head off for a sandwich run, then return to pack for our overnight trip. We're done by 10 but wait patiently for the otters while they get themselves together.
JT & I have packed our packs in separate vans so we're separated for the journey to the cable car. Reunited with my companions we hop on the gondola where the girls wrestle into their waterproofs for the grim weather predicted for the chair lift. Tis chilly on the chair but still dry. All regroup at the top, sort out our layers & protection from the elements. Set off at a decent pace along the winding & undulating path, quite windy & exposed but dry. As we round a rocky outcrop we're whipped with ice & hail, but it doesn't amount to anything, clearing up in 100m or so. The rest of the path continues in the same vein until after a couple of hours we catch the first sight of our mountain hut. Looks quite big & modern, I was envisaging something more like the tea houses of Nepal. It does look high above us so not surprisingly the rest of the hike is pretty steep. 30 mins later, about 2:30, we arrive at our mountain enclave, dump our gear in the boot room, where Pella instructs us to change into our flippers (aka crocs) & make our way up to the ever so modern dining hall. Simon & Pella sort out our booking, show us to our shared room, before filing back to the dining hall to scoff our packed lunch.
The rest of the afternoon is rather uneventful, lazing around as the weather worsens. Adam & I grab the bean bags as I attempt to repair & tune the guitar, think I made it slightly better but not really up to playing my repertoire. Jo is with the otters playing cards, Adam falls asleep reading Hemingway while I read yesterday's Times. It is bleaker than bleak outside & later arrivals at the hut are looking rather drowned, so we are very glad that we made it when we did. Adam decides to break the monotony by getting a couple of cans in, we contemplate sitting outside on the benches heckling people, but decide since this isn't Sidcup, would seem out of place. The girls return from the bathroom with news that the indoor loos are operational & are excited at the prospect of bum on porcelain. As we while away the hours Jasmine joins me on the bean bags for a beautiful duet of Wonderwall, with me on the guitar. Later we play a game of who is most likely to slaughter us in our communal bedroom tonight, we reckon we could be safe with the military Americans below us, oh & Israeli dad is probably pretty handy. So we could be ok, that is, unless it's one of them!
Anyhoo, enough of that we're hungry & there's rumour of food so we all congregate at a table expectantly, we'll all apart from JT, I have to go & get her from the dorm. Dinner of soup, followed by rice & potato stew (seems to be a French signature dish, I presumed it was because our chef at Le Castle is Irish), desert of squirty cream on yoghurt is nice though, Jane donates hers, which is very generous. Adam & I chat to military couple Christian & Jane, they have done a lot of mountains, including Denali & been to a lot of concerts, including Springsteen. Dinner done we attempt to consume the vast quantities of wine we've bought for the table whilst chatting about trips to far flung places with guides & fellow tourists alike.
Finally with the kitchen packed up we take the hint & drag our drunken asses off to bed, via the communal bathrooms for teeth cleaning & weeing. Back in the dorm we climb into our top bunks as quietly as possible. Write the blog from my bunk but Farmer Tom complains it's too bright & since he's third on my list of people likely to kill us I decide its best to pack it away. Fall asleep listening to Freddie Flintoff's podcast, turns out to pretty much be the only sleep I get all night. I'm tossing all through the night, light tossing mind don't want to encourage any potential killers.
Distance travelled - 1,009km
Altitude gained - 2,702m
Gins consumed - 4
Beers quaffed - 10
Glasses of wine - 18 (which to be honest is an estimate)
Someone's alarm goes off at 5:30, not sure who's it is but they're right it is time to get up. Everyone staggers around in our dorm at various stages of undress but all manage to get it together. I've got a rather annoying cold, which didn't help & is not helped by my zero hours sleep last night. Still I'm going to be cold, tired & aching so I guess a cold isn't going to change anything. All come & go in the mess hall, grabbing coffee & yellow cake (not the uranium variety, just in case you were worried), turns out no one really slept much last night, I guess that's why there wasn't much snoring. Congregate in the boot room where we get, well, our boots on, as well harnesses, gaiters etc etc. It's a lovely morning outside, cool, snowy & getting bright as we set off into the sunrise.
First part is rocky & undulating, in a general uphill direction. We arrive at the glacier after about 30 mins, where it's time to don our crampons, helmet & rope up. It is Adam, Nadar, JT & me in Geordie David's sooopa team again. There's a generous covering of snow on the glacier, about boot deep, slope is fairly gently too, but constant. Scenery is quite spectacular with the ring of mountains around us, rocky jagged outcrops dwarfing us mere humans. The crevasses run through the glacier like veins, open & gaping in places, seemingly closed in others as the constant risk of false snow bridges make the going treacherous. We're in good hands with David & Simon though, breaking ground & checking each potential hazard. We cross a col & up a steeper slope, heading for the exposed ridge & impressive peak before us. Simon throws Jasmine into the snow every 10m or so to test things out, good job she's on a rope, kinda like a yoyo in & out of the crevasses. Alas though, Jasmine's brave efforts are in vain the slope in front of us is too crevasse filled & the ridge too high risk of avalanche.
So we pootle back down the slope, make a right turn & head up one of the myriad of other mountains. The next slope we try is steep & spectacularly in the shadow of a colossal rock face. It's a good steady run up the slope, getting progressively steeper until we ditch the poles & go hard core with ice axes. As we approach the summit the steep snow pitch gives way to rocky outcrops, scrambling in crampons is a tricky affair but we negotiate with some aplomb & drink in the glory of climbing all the way to Switzerland! Quick rest stop as we take in the views before starting our decent. Not surprisingly it's equally tricky scrambling over the rocks on the way down, but other than that it's quicker & easier once on the snowfield. While the crevasse dangers are still there, we are retracing our steps so we know what to expect & the terrain has been tested. Quick stop to switch back to poles, de-rope & head back to the hut.
The hut is a welcome sight as I am rather keen on a bathroom break, but with the porcelain so coveted yesterday out of order again, the outdoor squat will have to do. Once relieved & cleaned it's up to the mess hall for omelettes for Adam, Jasmine, JT & me, I ask for a vegetarian option for Jaz, the French servestress looks at me quizzically, well I suppose I could make it without ham. The meat & non meat options are fine as we wolf them down before the guides so we get a head start on getting our gear together. It's a fairly long hike back to the chair lift, but logically it's not going to be any longer than it took us from there yesterday, more downhill too. It is a bit of a slog though on top of everything else we've done today, but we do make it & it is a welcome sight.
Once on the chair & then in the gondola, JT & I can finally relax. Meet up in the car park, quick transfer back to the hotel, then it's a hasty footwear change before we're back to the dining room for coffee, cake & an update on plans for the week. Coconut cake is fine, the weather report less so. Simon gives it to us straight, as is his way, long story short, there's less than a snowballs chance in hell in us making the summit of Mt Blanc by Friday. There are two options, climb as high as we can get on Mt Blanc, which probably won't be very high & will probably involve spending most of the time in mountain lodges playing tuneless guitars, endless games of Uno & wondering who's going to kill us in the dormitory. Or we can aim for Grand Paridiso, one of our original targets that was ruled out for bad weather earlier in the week. General consensus is Grand Paridiso, apart from military couple who are going to put everything on black, change their flights & go for it at the weekend and Israeli dad who doesn't seem to have decided yet. For me I've really got little interest in Grand Paridiso & even less in going half way up Mt Blanc, but as JT puts it this was only ever about training for Aconcagua, which we will achieve regardless of what we do. What we do know though is that we will be doing more via ferrata fun tomorrow.
With that bombshell, I finally get to go for a shower & feel somewhat human again. Although my cold is making me feel rather inhuman. Regroup back at dinner which is the best so far, tasty parcel starters, chicken dinner & cake afters. Sit around chatting after dinner as we do, Nadar & I debate the invention of the aviation industry, of course Britain did dear boy, then as the conversation turns to metric to imperial conversion & the binary numerical system, Jasmine suggests we retire downstairs to a film, Jo wholeheartedly agrees as she has I'm sure heard this conversation once or twice before.
Get sidetracked from film night to join Adam in a FaceTime call with Vanessa, which of course is delightful. Tom is struggling to operate the Normadic film library so agrees to join Adam & me for a drink in town, leaving Jo & Jasmine to talk about shopping or shoes or something. I ask Tom on the way to the pub what he told his wife about his room sharing arrangement, well he had to come clean & say he's sharing with a 29 year old Aussie student says Honest Tom. I suggest (rather too late) that he should have just said he's sharing with someone called Jaz, hmm good idea says Honest Tom, not my first rodeo I reply.
Anyhoo in Le Pub the boys have a couple of beers & a couple of gins for me, while watching
Man City get beat at home & talk about mountain stuff. I tell them to mark my words, now they have the bug, they will be back for more. Our civilised drink remains civilised & we head home to our respective bunk mates of Jo, Jasmine & Nadar respectfully at the respectable time of 10:30.
Distance travelled - 1,009km
Altitude gained - 2,702m
Gins consumed - 6
Beers quaffed - 14
Glasses of wine - 22 (which could be twice that to be fair)
Back home in the castle & back to our routine of 7 o/c rise, wash & brush up, followed by 8 o/c breakfast. Nothing much to report there other than Adam finally got some muesli, which is a great relief to everyone. Guides rock up about 9, more of them now as I guess they were contracted for our Mt Blanc assent so there's no point them sitting around drinking cafe au lait while idiot clients try not to fall off the side of a mountain. We head off in our mini buses to the via ferrata, via a local bakery. Different one this time, which throws us all into a panic as we don't know what they do, what we will like, if they have a vegetarian option & if they speak any English. Jo & some of the otters go for a pizza, which seems odd, Adam & I go for the crusty baguette. Back in the vans we while away the journey with Farmer Tom educating us on the ways of Tinder & his complete disregard for the half your age plus 7 rule.
Once we arrive it's time to get briefed & get going, well after the ladies go for a wee that is. It's a pretty steep 20 min hike up to to the starting point, where we all assemble & get into our little teams. JT & I are with one of the new guides Tim, an affable American chap. We're about the middle group to get going, all seems pretty straight forward. We're roped up together, have 2 carabiners so you're always clipped in with at least one, then it's just feel your way across the rock using rungs, steps, planks & cables. I'm not going to lie to you, it's a little daunting, it's a long way down, the cliff face is very exposed, the rock is slippery in the drizzle & the holds are small. You get used to it though & we gain in confidence, that is until we come to the tightrope crossings. A single cable to walk across & two to hang on to, conscious not to make too many movements that will get the ropes swinging & send Jo hurtling into the abyss below. We gain further in confidence as we go & as the rock dries out providing more possibilities for hand holds. As the weather improves & the effort raises my core temperature it's time to ditch the Red Bull jacket, a tricky manoeuvre hanging from the cable by my teeth. The rest of the ferrata passes without major incident & although not something I would encourage my kids to do, was good fun & challenging.
Meet up with the the otters at the top for high fives & strip off the climbing gear. Tim, JT & me tuck into our lunch while the rest go down to the car. Good call from Jo on the pizza, it is fine, while my crusty roll is crusty & tasty. Chat with Tim while we enjoy the views & his interesting stories. Tim met his wife in Antartica where she was the expedition doctor, I tell him if they got together after she saved his life I will break down & cry, she didn't so I don't. Back at base the first party has left for home & there is still no sign of the remaining climbers, nothing else for it but to sit in the now glorious sunshine & drink coffee. Pretty soon Adam, Honest Tom, Israeli family & the rest of the guides arrive to join us in the sun. Chat to Israeli daughter about her plans for national service, I tell her she should be a pilot, Adam accuses me of living vicariously through someone else's daughter, which is a fair point. Geordie David amuses us greatly with tales of NFL footballers that came to climb Mt Blanc & failed like great big burly wimps.
Finally we are on our way & soon enough back in Le Castle, enjoying tea, cake & another planning meeting with Simon. Not much has changed, Mt Blanc hasn't got any better & Grand Paridiso hasn't got any worse. Quick shower & form a party to go into town for a beer or three. Most of the gang is here as we settle outside Elevation 1904 & chat. I ask military man about his tattoos, turns out that every one is by or dedicated to a friend he lost in combat, I decide not to recount the story of when Jasmine & I got tattoos (different Jasmine). Quick pit stop at Le Pharmacy for more cold remedy & back in time for dinner. Dinner is all good, pork with potato cake & coleslaw all very good. Chat to Oil Rigger Nadar through dinner, he's such an interesting chap. Alas our fascinating discussion is broken with news of bog-gate! Seems that someone has laid something unflushable in the loo downstairs, not saying who it is but it was definitely something agricultural & it wasn't Honest Tom, he would fess up. It is so gargantuan that they have to call the heavy duty excavators, but they won't be here till morning. So no running water from 9 o/c tonight, cue a rush for pooing, weeing & showering, possibly all three at once to save time.
With urgent ablusions taken care of, we all meet up in the TV lounge where the gang are watching American Pie, well for 5 seconds followed by 5 minutes of buffering. This does give Military Man the opportunity to explain the base scoring system, ie getting to first base etc, apparently third base is hands in pants, which is good to know. We round up the hardcore of Adam, JT & Jaz and head for the Jazz club. I'm sent to scope out the Jazz Club, which has one person in there reading a book, meanwhile the otters have all hid behind trees, very amusing. Settle on our favourite Le Pub, sorry Adam "The Pub". Gin for me & beers for the kids. Jo comments she hasn't drunk so much in ages, Adam comments he hasn't drunk so little in ages. Out of the Chamonix night comes none other than, Israeli dad, bless him. He is yet another interesting member of our team, a fellow pilot too. We have story time at the pub, Jasmine is pleased with her inclusion, Adam too with the shout out for Vanessa (so technically that makes 2 in a row), Jo is less pleased with the lack of comments on her falling into crevasses, gosh the public is hard to please. With drinks downed & facilities used we stagger back to our little home from home.
Distance travelled - 1,009km (TBC)
Altitude gained - 3,285m
Gins consumed - 8
Beers quaffed - 20
Glasses of wine - 46 (the gang felt this was more realistic)
Rather leisurely start to the day, forecast is wet first thing clearing later so no point setting off too early. Alarm is at 7:30, breakfast at 9....yes 9 o/c, practically midday. With time to kill we are efficient mammals & get packed for our stay on Grand Paridiso. Breakfast is followed by a run down on the plan for our Italian adventure & a reminder of the kit list. American Military are now back in the team as their Mt Blanc summit attempt has been pushed back again due to weather. As we have been efficient & no sign of bog gate being resolved, we have time to pop to the station for a clear out before heading off.
There's a bit of a faff getting everyone together but set off we do in the pouring rain. Sir Simon Wiggins is driving & Jaz calls shotgun, climbs in the front & takes charge of the tunes by handing me the line out cable from the car stereo. With that DJ Rob takes over to brighten up the rather grim journey & crossing into Italy. Honest Tom is a true kindred musical spirit calling out the majority of the tracks, strikes a chord with Sir Simon too & to be fair the rest of the van seems to enjoy the mix. After an eclectic hour or so of indie disco we arrive at our lunch stop, still in the pouring rain. All file out & up into a quaintly odd witchy Italian restaurant. Sir Simon & the others put in their musical requests, think it could be a bit more trippy on the return journey. Dinner take ages to be served, prepared & don't even get me started on the espresso. All good though & since it's still pouring down outside its not like we're in a hurry to get soaked.
Finally head off again for the final leg of the journey with Iggy Pop's Lust for Life & Underworld's Born Slippy, just to keep Sir Simon in a good mood for the climb. It's raining as we arrive at the park so don all of our waterproofs, including our delightful new ponchos. It's pretty grim on the trail up, constant rain falling on & dripping from the trees, we're in good spirits though. Rain starts to ease & temperature starts to rise, we're roasting in our ponchos, so quickly whip them off & vent the pants. Pace picks up, as does the thermometer so the water pump rest stop we strip off to our smalls. Views are spectacular here too as the rain bearing clouds rise up from the valley into the clear blue skies of the alpine. Time to push on to the huts, it's a couple of hours of slog but the scenery is beautiful & our spirits are high after the guides bigging up the Italian huts all week. Soon enough the hut is in sight & there's a final push to this reported lodge of delights.
Usual routine of boots & sharp things left in the boot room, also good place to dry our wet gear from the earlier showers. We're shown to our dorm which is truly wonderous, there's bunks for about 40, if it was full it would be a zoo, but there are 10 of us so we can spread out to our hearts desires. We find some secluded double bunks, which Jo makes a bunk from home. Time for a shower me thinks, quick pay at the bar, grab the wash bag & hop in. It's all very European & mixed but the girls somehow keep control with all the male beefcake roaming around. Suitably cleaned & smelling of the NY Edition, including Geordie David, who's a bit puzzled since they only have Old Spice in the North East. Down in the bar where Adam & I drink a toast to Vanessa's birthday before sharing a romantic moment with the sunset vistas outside.
Dinner is served soon after, a big bowl of pasta just for starters, meat & veg for secondi and a rather nice tiramisu for pudding, the boys were not wrong this truly is a lodge of the Gods. Chat with our guides & comrades over dinner, along with several glasses of red wine, a delightful pre summit evening. Post dinner the public demands story time & I am quite chuffed. I get a few laughs along the way & while not offending anyone (hopefully), while Jo makes it sound far more interesting with her dulcet tones. Pretty soon it's just the hard core left of Jaz, Ad, JT & me, oh & of course the guides that will be looking after us tomorrow. Adam makes sure we're all in tip top condition by getting a round of Grappa shots in.
With that & our early start in the morning it's nighty night time even for these night owls. So it's a clean of the toothy pegs, feel your way to your bunk & hop in to dream of mountains.
Distance travelled - 1,191km
Altitude gained - 3,285m
Gins consumed - 8
Beers quaffed - 24
Glasses of wine - 65 (best guess)
In stark contrast to last year where Andy Smith jumped out of his bunk exclaiming "let's go climb a mountain!", while his Because I'm Happy alarm goes off accompanied by disco lights, there's just a general mumbling around the dorm between 4 & 4:15. Still all get up we do & eventually wander down to breakfast of cereal, coffee & biscuits with Nutella. JT & I have a bit of a faff but it all seems to come together in the boot room & we're soon assembled outside, head torches on & ready to march out of town. We're with Geordie David, Adam & Honest Tom are with Sir Simon Wiggins, the rest two by two with their own guide. It's mild this morning & we make good time through the rocky path to the glacier, I need to lose my hat (& head torch momentarily) & vent. Once at the glacier it's harness & crampons on, get roped up to our Whitley Bay giant, set off across the moraine, our crampons sparking against the rock & onto the ice. It's just getting light now as we snake a path through the the enormous crevasses, deadly & beautiful in equal measure.
Going is good & we're feeling good, snow is not too thick, slope is constant but not too steep. We stop briefly to shorten the rope as the gradient increases, then again when Jo, sensibly, changes to her thicker gloves to avoid losing any more fingers. I have a massive camera battery faff as the spare is buried in my trouser pocket beneath my waterproofs, this puts us at the back of the pack. Going continues steep, Jo is finding it a little tough but romps off on the flatter sections as she recovers quickly. There's a lot of altitude gain today, 1,300m, more than Kili & more than Elbrus, we're pleased when Geordie David announced we've climbed 800m in 2 hours, so over half way in a third of the target time of 6 hours to summit. Meet up with our fellow climbers as we reach the col bathed in sunshine. Everyone is feeling good, take on some snackage & some of the excellent lemon tea from the lodge, then it's time to push off again. We can see the summit now on the rocky outcrop as we zig zag up the steep pitch. Next challenge is the ladder that bridges the most cavernous of the crevasses, gaping wide with icicles hanging like jagged teeth. Jo is a little daunted at the prospect of climbing across in crampons but in typical JT fashion just sees it as practice for the khumbu. Alas she will have to wait as a team of 6 Frenchies we over took on the run up jump in front while we leave our poles & Jo's pack. It's a tricky 2m crossing, especially as I try to snap pictures of the abyss & Jo's backside, but the rickety looking ladder holds quite firm & our leader has us on the ice screw.
The final section is steep & fairly heavy going but make it to the rocks that lead to the summit still in good time. It's a very tricky scramble in crampons with only a thin dusting of snow on the rocks but we survive to make it to the queue leading to the summit. It's quite a queue too, guess it must be what it's like on the Hillary Step as we again console ourselves in the freezing wait with thoughts of Everest preparation. We watch our Team America military raise the star & stripes for their fallen comrades but unfortunately don't hear them sing God bless America. See Ad, Jaz & some of the others weaving their way past on their return from the summit, our plans of recreating Madonna's "Like a Prayer" didn't take into account the narrow path leading to the rocky summit. It's freezing on the exposed rock, we swing our arms wildly to get the blood pumping & warm up our appendages. Cheeky French team traverses across the rock below us to push in front, then as we scramble through Jo is embraced by a craggy French mountaineer, pretty much sums them up, rude & amorous. Anyhoo, it's a hairy route to the summit, inching along narrow ledges, clipping in & out, whilst avoiding returning summiteers. Make it to the summit we do though as we savour the moment with the the statue of the Virgin Mary (we are in Italy). Geordie David takes charge of the camera as we pose for pictures in the top hat & the Madonna in the top hat (JT says it's ok). With the moment savoured we retrace our steps along the ledges, over the rocks & down the other side. While obviously the summit is, literally, the pinicle of our trek, it is good to be off the precarious rocks & on our way back down.
I'm leading the route down & set a challenging place for JT & GD. Still very cold on our decent but as we return to the col the sun is again shining & finally warm up. Retrace our steps over the glacier, skilfully avoiding the crevasses, well mostly JT did have a nasty fall sliding head first across one of the ice bridges, just as well Geordie David had her on the rope. Finally make it to the moraine where we can at last remove our crampons with the balls of our feet burning. Quick pit stop as we take off crampons, harness, stow ice axe & switch pole attachments. Trott down across the rock is quite painful, I can feel blisters under both big toes. Meet our new buddies back in camp & exchange congratulations as we fling off our boots & strip down in the warm sunshine. Have some of the lodge's fine gnocchi, Fanta / Sprite while we discuss tales of the summit with our fellow explorers, along with who I look like more with a beard, Sean Connery, Julian Assage or...well...I'm not going to justify Adam's suggestion with an entry in the blog. Sir Simon gives the call to bug out, but not before nurse Jo applies soothing Compeed to my sore plates.
Follow the same well trodden path down we came up yesterday, with some short cuts thrown in. Chat with Sir Simon & Geordie David on the way, we reckon the Scarpa Mantas were on their limit on Grand Paridiso, our feet were cold & a bit wet from hours walking in the snow, still it's Olympus Mons for us next, a true 8,000m boot. Make good time to the water fountain, quick stop & onto the final leg. Mercifully the fine patch up work from nursey Jo means my feet are bearing up well, but the final leg seems to go on forever, with endless switch backs across the bottom of the mountain. We both comment that this path will never end, but eventually it does & we finish strong into the car park.
In the van, we think the worst is behind us, but there is a final twist from Sir Simon "Acid House - Ebaneeza Good" Wiggins, a pumping techno soundtrack for the journey through Italy. To be fair DJ Simon actually put the mash up together himself & is technically a very impressive remix of an eclectic array of tracks. I am handed back the decks as we approach the Mont Blanc tunnel & Sir Simon Weller is rewarded with one of the mod father's finest, Down in the Tube Station at Midnight. He further impressed by calling out And She Was by The Talking Heads after one note. Meanwhile I challenge the 90s indie king Honest Tom by telling him we'll move in together if he can guess Olympian by Gene, he's close but he doesn't, so we don't. All too soon we turn into Le Castle before Soundgarden really gets started.
There's generally milling around in the garden as Ad & I mull over a quick celebratory beer, but sensibly (& astonishingly) decide to crack on with clean up & pack up before going out, out. Say our fond farewells to Pella, Geordie David, Paolo & of course their leader Sir Simon Wiggo. They've been a great bunch of guys, making & remaking plans due to weather, keeping us informed & involved in decisions (as owner John stressed in his opening talk), pushing us on when needed & at all times keeping us safe. Just enough time for farewell tea & cake on the top floor where there's exchanging of email addresses & a tearful goodbye to Farmer Tom, ending his burgeoning romance with Jo, for now at least. Chalet lady makes us a booking at Cap Horn in the name of Jim Wishbone. Rush back to the penthouse to shower & pack before assembling with the otters in the courtyard.
Chat to Gnome (Israeli daughter) on the way to check on her plans for military service & what they did while we were on the mountain. Apparently Israeli dad went out drinking on his own & was a bit drunk when they met later, I said I wouldn't say anything so that's just between us. Cap Horn is rather fancy in a very ski resort kind of way & we are shown to our resplendent table. All the gang is here apart from Farmer Tom who had a ferry to catch & Team America. Dinner is delightful, Wagu burgers & filet steak being the order of the day, apart from Jasmine who has to be different & vegetarian. Chat to Oil Rigger Nader about travel & the blog and to Honest Tom as we find another link in our developing bromance, he's a fellow gin aficionado. With dinner & desert slain we head out into the night, with a warm hug for Jo, Jasmine & Nader as they head home while the rest go in search of the opening game in the rugby World Cup, England vs Fiji. Our favourite The Pub seems favourite so we head there. Gnome decides she's had enough of rugged mountain man company for one night & is heading home, she too receives a hug, as I glance up from our embrace to see if Israeli dad is going to kill me with a single blow, he doesn't but he does walk her home while Adam, Honest Tom, Saffa Kent & I settle in with some drinks & the egg chasers.
England eventually run out victorious with the bonus point as Israeli dad rejoins us for a night cap & entertains us with plans of completing the Anapurna circuit on a unicycle. Gins downed it's finally time to head home 20 hours later & 3,000m lower than this morning. Stagger home talking of plans to return & conquer Mt Blanc. Tell Ad I will see him in 3 1/2 hours & hugs for Israeli dad Itai, Saffa Kent & of course Honest Tom before sneaking into the penthouse where Jo is waiting patiently asleep.
Distance travelled - 1,211km
Altitude gained - 4,061m
Gins consumed - 15
Beers quaffed - 26
Glasses of wine - 70 (best guess)
It's been a funny lead up to this trip, protracted tearful goodbyes to friends in London & New York, making the most of family over the Christmas break, followed by the perineum days between Christmas & New Year. Finally felt like we were on sabbatical on the 4th when everyone else went back at work & we were left with last minute details to sort out. Last minute details like realising we didn't have enough bags for all our kit or dry sacks to stuff into our extra bags or know how much it's going to cost to haul round South America. Girls, Jeff & the munchers came round last night for a farewell pasta & game of Rummikub.
Today, the 6th finally arrives but we still have a full day to faff around in before we fly this evening. Oh & we do really have a mighty potter, including a trip to Argos (yes Argos) for printer cartridges as apparently I can't print my boarding passes in B&W without a cyan cartridge. Worry poor Paula at Audley with, can we change our flights from Rio? Watch our friend Levison Wood's programme about walking the Himalayas to get us in the mood before our 6 o/c pickup for the airport.
Addison Lee arrives 30 min early, as is their way & it's a very quick jaunt to the airport in the still relatively quiet New Year traffic. Skip along to the First Class check in due to my BA gold card (there's got to be some benefit to all those trips to NY, well other than Adam's Sunday club, seeing my bestie Tubs & going out with attractive women). Anyhoo, it's much the same as anywhere else, chap tells us we're at B gates & warns they only have a business lounge down there, I expect we'll cope though.
Food is good in the lounge, salmon filo parcels with pasta on the side, then a cheese course as I FaceTime Rach, just as she's trying to settle the munchers. Meanwhile JT is relaxing with a rather large glass of red, researching New Year 2016. Since I've drained the A gates gin supply, we might as well move on to B gates while I'm still able to walk. Alas in the short train ride from A to B the flight status has changed from "on time" to "closing". No matter, best we climb aboard & get that glass of champagne. Pretty quiet on our flight, lots of empty seats. Soon we're taxing & taking off just about on time.
JT scours the movie guide for something we (or rather I) haven't seen, decides on Bridge of Spies. The Tom Hanks Cold War thriller is interesting enough, well acted of course, interesting backdrop of the attitude in the US & the division of Berlin. Tis a trifle dull though & we struggle to stay awake after our fine dinner of scallops, beef & raspberry cheesecake. Of course the four more gins may not have helped. See the film through to the end, then flatten our seats down for sleepy bye byes time.
Did feel I got some good sleep before slowly working myself into a mild state of arousal. No idea how long though as the journey time on the entertainment system seems to be on a different time zone. Confirmed when it's lights up & breakfast time, with allegedly 5 hours to go. It's my turn to choose the film, so go for The Times recommended film Hector. Hector is a gritty myopic of homelessness in modern Britain, heartwarming acts of charity & utter desperation portrayed with equal realism. We think we just make it through to the end as we strain to watch with our screens flipped back as it appears the journey time was indeed wildly exaggerating. But heck, who's complaining, we're about to land in Buenos Aires baby!
Days away from work 12
Likelihood of returning to work 98%
Distance travelled - 11,102km (5,995nm for the aviators out there)
Smooth jog off the plane & down to customs in BAs nice modern airport. About 10 minute wait before we present ourselves to the pleasant customs chappie with a buenos dias. Bags are already going round the carousel together like good bags until I haul them off & onto JTs waiting trolley. Quick X-ray on our way out where I help some old dear mount her oversized pink case. Meet our driver, we'll call him Manuel, who seems a tad concerned at how he's going to fit our mountain of mountain gear into his Peugeot 406, but he does & we're soon off into the sunny & exciting city.
It's a pleasant drive from the outskirts into the city, which is as I imagined, wide avenues lined with colonial buildings, topped with impressive monuments. Soon enough we pull into a little side street where the charming Casa Calma is waiting patiently for us. Fight off the Japanese tourist who is bemoaning her 36hr journey for the attentions of one of the lovelies on reception. Celeste is lovely & charming as she checks us in & gives us a most comprehensive run down on the city, including the restaurants I presume she will get kick backs from. We go for coffee in the lounge while our room is prepared. JT spots the diminutive Celeste lugging our bag up to our room & returns shortly to escort us to our delightfully bright, open plan boudoir. Celeste's room tour includes the jacuzzi (which Michaela tells me is the brand rather than the appliance) & the sauna, sadly she does not give us a demonstration of either.
After a little potter in our lovely room we head out into the warm South American morning sun. Make our way through the the side streets & stumble upon Plaza Libertador San Martin, a delightfully shaded city park. Get sidetracked with pictures & chatting to some random fellow before getting back on track. Find a Banco Santander en route for some local pesos before stumbling onto Florida street, a bustling calle of shops & restaurants. Shun the Pirates of the Caribbean themed pub for the luncheon delights of El Salmon. Get settled in the shaded outdoor terrace & tuck into a couple of cervezas & a giant plate of squid rings. Service is slow but the food is good. Say adios & complete the rest of the walking street which leads us into Plaza de Mayo. There's some sort of political demonstration going on in this impressive plaza surrounded by commercial & government colonial buildings. Spend ages photographing the stunning architecture & of course the Argentinian flag in the now brilliant sunshine. Really is quite warm now as we head back down Florida street in all its gritty charm. We shun the endless offers of tango clubs & cambio money changers for the cool of a frappuccino in the local el Starbucks. It's a short but interesting hop from there to our charming abode.
Back in our little home for today we have a well earned rest & fish out the one charger I have that fits the BA plug sockets. Rested, showered & changed we head out to see what delights Buenos Aires has to offer in the evening.
We go for one of the hotel recommendations, El Marisol, which is a relatively short stumble away. Although the evening is still warm & light, we opt for an inside table, given it is situated beneath a flyover. Tis very nice & rather elegant though. I spy Tanqueray on the gin menu & decide to ditch my attempts at pigeon Spanish as there is no other way to order a gin & tonic other than in a rather posh English accent. Whilst the waiter does have excellent English, he does not have my preferred gin so I have to settle for the half a bottle of Bombay Sapphire he pours in my glass. Empanada to share for starters, which (dare I say) was even better than the one I shared with Harriet in the back of a cab in NYC. Mains of tenderloin & sirloin are resplendently rare, fries & creamed spinach are also delightful if somewhat superfluous. All washed down with a bottle of rather nice Malbec.
Dinner slain, we head out into the still warm Argentinean evening & in spite of the alcohol JTs unerring sense of direction sees us back to the Casa Calma, where we are greeted with open arms once more. Sit in bed surfing & emailing to the sounds of boy racers outside our window to make us feel like we're back in Cavendish Crescent. With blog updated & uploaded and another day of adventures to follow we pack down for some well earned sleep.
Observations of Argentina so far...
Money is exchanged by chain smoking old women on the street
Smoking is positively encouraged everywhere
Eating out of bins is socially acceptable
Drug stores are open 25 hours
There are furs shops on every corner
There are police on every street corner
Some of them are really hot
Girls are generally hot
Girls want to be 20cm taller, judging from their platform heels
Days away from work 13
Likelihood of returning to work 85%
Most likely alternative - money changer on streets of BA
Distance travelled - 11,102km (5,995nm for the aviators out there)
Great to hear from you Dr D, looking forward to having you with us on the trip. I can promise plenty of sensible & some not so sensible stats along the way.
Awake from our slumber at the very respectable time of 7:30, struggle out of the incredibly soft bed, little stretch & wash up. No shave though, kit is in one of the many bags in storage so head down to bijou breakfast buffet in my beard (and shorts). Breakfast is delightful & the lovely Tatiana sees to our every whim, she actually gets quite upset if you try to do something yourself, so I don't. Cereal, eggs & jammon is consumed, followed by the obligatory pastry course. Try some of this dulce de leche they love so much over here on my croissants, apparently it's boiled condensed milk, so no wonder I love it. Chat to some northern couple over breakfast, well they say they're from the Midlands but that's northern in my book, either way not what you expect in such an exotic destination, I thought they all holidayed in Whitley Bay or Skegness.
With breakfast done we just have enough time for s saunter down to the port before our mid day pickup for the aeropeuto. Negotiate a route down one of the busy avenues before it all gets a bit porty & a bit grim. Still it's nice along the regenerated port area, new office buildings, apartments & restaurants. Suggest to JT that when we return I can jog & she can rollerblade along the path, she seems to think it's a good idea. Spend a very pleasant hour or so wandering around, taking photos & putting restaurants on our shortlist for our return to the city. Now it's time to work out a less salubrious route back, which we do & make good time, even enough to pop into the el Starbucko for a couple of alto lattes.
Back at the Casa Calma our driver is waiting for us, sensibly in a van this time. Bit of a faff getting all our luggage back as the lift isn't working, poor Tatiana is stranded in the basement. We're on the road though pretty much on time for the short hop to the domestic airport. Juan drops us off kerbside & momentarily we're checking in. Lovely lady on check in doesn't bat an eye at our mountain of bags. Before you know it we're through security & into the shops where Jo grabs a pair of thongs. See some potential BA presents for the kids too. I have less luck in my attempts to find another adapter plug. Park ourselves at gate 1 with an hour before take off. Gate changes to 14 with no announcement but we check the board & have plenty of time, especially as there's a mysterious 30 min delay as we're left kicking our heels at the gate. No biggy though, we're on board & on our way soon enough. Aerolineas Argentinas cabin crew don't disappoint either.
JT rises from her slumber as flight snacks are served. Must be losing my touch as I can't get a gin out of the cabin lovely, have something called Sprite, which doesn't have much of a kick to it. Sandwiches & dulce de leche cake are all good. While away the rest of the flight with blog & games as Jo practices catching flies, seems somewhat surprised when she opens her eyes & we're on the ground. Mendoza is quite sprawling, bigger than I imagined from the air, let's see what it's like from ground level.
No securito as we're domestico so straight round to baggage reclaim & ours spin round pronto. Quick X-ray as is the way out here then meet Gianni waiting for us on the other side. JT comments that he has the typical mountain guide physic, tanned, lean, muscular, hmm that's enough of that. Gianni pulls round in his Nissan Landcruiser, we get loaded & off to the hotel. Chat on the way, Gianni has been on Aconcagua 15 times, last summiting on 28 Dec. Arriving at the hotel some 20 mins later we meet Mercedes, who will also be guiding with us and is also tanned & lithe. Pleasantries exchanged it's a quick pit stop in our room before going down for a paddle in the pool. Pool is chilly on our feet as we dangle in, just a well we don't have our cossies, but then judging from the outfit on the porky 50 y/old woman & her 15 y/old daughter, it would be far too conservative anyhoo. Back up for a shower, change for dinner then down to meet Mercedes to fill in some forms. Get down there first so time for a drink at the bar, barkeep apologises for not having any English gin, what he does serve is acceptable, as are his measures.
Regroup with Gianni who asks us what we want for dinner, a tasty Argentinean replies Jo, I really fancy getting my chops round some Argentine meat. Gianni knows just the place & we are soon strolling through Mendoza as if we're locals. Restaurateur greets us with open arms as we're sat on the open terrace on this delightfully warm evening. JT voices her love of empanadas & reiterates her hunger for Argentine meat (I think everyone has got the message now Jo). Food arrives momentarily, our slabs of meat, Gianni's chicken & an intriguing bowl of kidneys for Mercedes. Chat over dinner about all things mountain & are impressed with how much our team has achieved & plan to conquerer. Also establish that they are a couple too, how sweet. Chap from one of Gianni's expeditions comes up to chat, he's Tim a 72 y/old veteran who has tried & failed to climb Aconcagua 5 times. Never did find out what the restaurant was called but settle up & move on to Mercedes' favourite ice cream parlour.
It's a short stroll on to the parlour of delights, where we each plump for some combination of dulce de leche, I have mine with Malbec ice cream, stick a steak on top & you'd have Argentina in a cone. Our guides give us the run down on dulce de leche, if they know as much about the mountain as this sticky sweet treat we are in good hands. Simple recipe for the folks back home, just boil a can of condensed milk, without opening it apparently (note the author does not accept any responsibility for any reader injured by milk tin shrapnel). Gianni & I move onto politics, the many political & economics crises in Argentina, then onto Anglo-Argentine relations. Ah Las Maldivas says Gianni, no dear boy I reply, I mean The Falklands. Jo is eager that I not upset the man we are about to place our lives in the hands of but Gianni is fine, I believe he said The Falklands & all of Argentina for that matter would be better off under British rule, that's my understanding anyhoo.
With ice cream & world politics done with for tonight we head home into the still warm Mendoza evening. Back in the hotel we bid nighty nights to our new chums & head up to our respective rooms. Once inside & toothy brushed I settle with updating the blog, but I keep nodding off & waking up to find I've written "big blokes bigger boobs". No use must pack down for the night.
Days away from work 14
Likelihood of returning to work 85%
Most likely alternative - receptionist at Casa Calma
Distance travelled - 12,090km (6,528nm for the aviators out there)
Gins quaffed = 8
Steaks devoured = 6
Beers downed = 3
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 1
7:15 & we're up with the alarm, go for quick wash & brush up until JT hails me to the window where a beautiful owl is still nesting in the tree outside. Jo hushly points to the nocturnal bird of prey but I'm buggered if I can see it, I can see two pigeons but no owl, oh it is those two pigeons, riiiiiight, good work Chris Packham. Anyhoo with the wildlife tour over it's down to meet the otters for breakfast. Grab a table for 4 as Mercedes joins us & avail ourselves of the juice & imitation Fruit Loops. Ham & cheese course to follow, rounded off with the croissant course, with the obligatory dulce de leche topping. Gianni & Mercedes continue to rave about this wonder spread, these Argies do love the stuff. More mountain talk over breakfast where Gianni reveals Mercedes was the first Argentine woman to climb Everest, obviously she was too modest to reveal that herself.
After breakfast there are some forms to sign & of course the kit check. Mercedes gives us a few minutes to get our gear together then finds us in our room & is bowled over with the awe inspiring efficiency of our kit. Sleeping bags & down jackets compressed to the size of a badger on the side of the M25, spanking new 8,000m boots & every item of kit packed & compressed in its own dry sack. Mercedes takes a picture as an example to future trekkers. There's some debate about the Scarpa Manta boots, feeling is that trainers will suffice to Plaza de Mulas (PdM) when our 8,000m boots will take over. Gianni, who has heard of our extraordinary mammalian efficiency joins the debate, maybe we will use them on Bonette peak but no matter the mules will be carrying them to PdM. We're pretty much sorted apart from an extra foam thermarest to pop under our inflatable & a thermal coat for our water bottles, so quick pop to the shops for them. Gianni decides the thermal coats in the shop are not up to the job so promises to fashion us some from thermarest off cuts. With that done its back to base to potter & repack all our kit into Confluencia & PdM bags.
Scoff our packed lunch we picked up in the airport yesterday, then another potter, then we head out to the Bianco e Negro coffee shop that came heartily recommend. Following a stroll in the unseasonably cool Mendoza afternoon we arrive at the charming boutique. It's cafe con leche & something with dulce de leche all round as we sit & people watch on this Saturday afternoon in town. Quick stop in the local Carefour for some luxury bog roll followed by some internet surfing in the lounge. Might as well have the last gin & tonic for a while, while we're here too. Satisfied on news from the outside world & that on social media we head upstairs to get freshened up for another evening out in this Andean enclave.
Meet the charming guide couple in reception who give us the choice of Argentinean barbecue or trendy place with music. We can't decide so decide that we will decide as we go past. It's a fair walk until we get to the trendy bar street which at 8:30 is looking decidedly unlively, but then these Latin types do like to eat late. In any case we decide to push on for the barbecue place, which is another 3 blocks & also not busy but what the heck, we've come this far. Unfortunately our favourite table is reserved, fortunately the waiter just moves the reserved sign & we sit down. Order the mixed grill barbie, with empanadas (especially for JT) & a reasonably priced bottle of Malbec. Food is all good, all parts of the cow are served, including kidneys, intestines & gland, but it's all good. Talk about mountains (of course) families & Argentine politics, which is becoming Gianni & my favourite topic. A rather good complimentary Limoncello digestiv & we're on our way staggering into the night.
Chat to our new friends on the way home, quick run down on plans for the morning then up to bed. Just enough time for JT to rinse out a pair of pants each so we can have fresh ones for our return form the mountain then it's time to turn in for the night.
Days away from work 15
Likelihood of returning to work 85%
Most likely alternative - Dulce de leche taster
Distance travelled - 12,090km (6,528nm for the aviators out there)
Gins quaffed = 9
Steaks devoured = 8
Beers downed = 3
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 2
The 7 o/c alarm sees us up & completing the final packing before heading downstairs for breakfast. Meet our cute Argentine couple in reception & we feed together. Read a shocking story in The Times about assaults on 300+ women in Koln on New Years Eve. Breakfast done & with my dulce de leche fix, I can complete the final tasks before we leave, check out, pay the bar bill, hump our gear into the 4x4, store our remaining gear & valuables in the hotel ready for our triumphant return.
We're off dead on 9am, hitting Gianni's deadline (never managed that once for Jon, must try harder for the boy next time). It's an interesting drive through town, into the outskirts, then the countryside where we get our first sight of the awe inspiring Andes mountain range. After 2 & a bit hours Gianni pulls into the ski resort town of Los Penitentes, Mercedes tells us she used to ski race here when she was a kid but now they don't get any snow at all some years. Guess that's why it's a bit run down, well when I say a bit, it makes Cheget look like Chamonix. Anyhoo, Jo & I are all ready to start our hike but we're just leaving our bags for Plaza de Mulas here. Back on the road for the next bag drop, the Confluencia mules. JT inspects the asses & approves, says the mules are ok too (boom boom). Next stop is the Aconcagua national park where we sign our applications & get our permits for the climb. We also get our first sight of Aconcagua, quite exciting. Bid farewell to Gianni who is off to Chile to get his Nissan serviced, he doesn't trust anyone in Argentina with his truck.
Finally we are on our way & it's about damn time if you ask me. Like thoroughbreds kept in the stables we set off at a gallop, Mercedes urges us to slow down & pace ourselves, pole-pole. Meet a few people going the other way, either coming down from the climb or down from their day out, pretty evident from their dress & their shape which is which. After an hour or so it's time for lunch, Mercedes whips out a mountain of empanadas, drinks, fruit & we already have our snacks. Tis truly a lunch of delights, but we must march on. Mercedes gives us a charming run down of rules for pee-pee & poop on the trail, the latter is rather complicated but I won't go into it now. It's hot & dusty on the trail, can start to feel the altitude affecting my breathing but only a little. We push on at a decent pace, beating the original estimates by at least 30 mins & arrive in Confluencia camp at 3:45.
It's a smallish camp on a dusty plateau, a couple of wooden huts for the park guards, a few communal dome tents & a selection of individual tents. We have a dome mess tent to ourselves which is roasting as it traps the sun. Momentarily our pizza is delivered, what more food? Still gotta keep the energy up. Next it's time for a putting your tent up lesson from Mercedes, which seems simple enough but we will definitely cock it up when it's our turn. JT climbs into our freshly constructed tent as I pass in thermarests, sleeping bags, liners, etc etc. Jo sorts out the internal workings while I make it a tent from home, resplendent in its Union Flag pole & number 54 rock. I try out the tent, comfortable but crowded, I wonder if JT would mind bunking with Mercedes. Little rest in the dome tent, find out there is a minor celebrity in camp, some Brazilian athlete girl aiming to break (or set) the record for running a marathon up to & down from the summit of Aconcagua. She has a camera crew with her as she gets into some sponsors outfit, walks off into the distance, then film her coming back. While most of the amenities are very basic, there is a proper flushing toilet, it may be a leaky toilet in a rusty metal shed but you've got to be thankful for everything on the mountain. Oh & to ensure no other groups use our karzie they keep the door handle in the kitchen.
Time for a wet wipe bed bath in the roasting tent, put on a clean(ish) shirt & head to the mess tent. Still warm but JT insists on taking all manner of warm gear, I think she's a girl, it will be light for hours yet. Meanwhile in the mess tent it's dinner time, clear soup with green bits, followed by steak (yes steak) with potato & tomato and dulce de leche with tinned peaches for pudding. All very nice. It is indeed still light during dinner but since the sun fell behind the mountains it's become fricking freezing. I whip my legs back on, socks on, top, then finally the ever faithful Red Bull jacket comes to my rescue. With it turning rather cold & it being a rather long day we decide to head to number 54 tent.
Back in the tent, it's not really as freezing as you would expect. Climb into my bag with just t shirt & pants and feeling quite toasty even not zippered up. Blog for a bit & listen to music while JT reads her Kindle. After a while I notice my bunkmate has turned in for the night, feeling quite tired I do likewise. As soon as I pack down though I realise how darn uncomfortable everything is, cramped, hot, sticky but stick your arm out & you're cold. Can't find a position that is approaching sleep inducing, so end up tossing incessantly, which of course doesn't help with feeling too hot. I lay there wondering what I've got myself into for the next three weeks, I'm dreaming of the luxury of the tea houses in Nepal & the oil barrels in Russia, oh what I would give to have a bunk next to Andy Smith this evening.
Days away from work 16
Likelihood of returning to work 90%
Most likely alternative - ski instructor at Los Penitentes
Distance travelled - 12,090km (6,528nm)
Distance trekked = 12km
Altitude gained = 3,400m
Steaks devoured = 10
Gins quaffed = 9
Beers downed = 3
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 2
Wake to see light through the tent, don't know if I'm relieved to bring an end to this feverish tossing or disappointed it means I definitely won't be getting any more sleep. As the alarm goes off, decide I must have got some sleep & actually don't feel too bad. Have a little sort out in the tent, to make my pack lighter, take the essentials out of my travel wallet to keep with me then lock it & other valuables in the bag. Pack a little bag to take to breakfast, get dressed & head to el banos & el sink to brush el teeth. Once the outside ablutions are done we're in our little mess dome waiting to see what delights Selina & Valentina have in store for us. Cereal & yoghurt course is ok, but then comes the delights, scrambled eggs, home made pancakes with dulce de leche to boot. Now the only thing missing from this breakfast of wonders would be coffee, having sampled some last night that tasted like it was made by Baldrick in the trenches I'm not keen to try again. No sooner have I thought this when Mercedes miraculously appears with a cafetière of fresh coffee. Ok so far this isn't like trekking in the Alps, there isn't unlimited red wine with every meal, but the place is growing on me.
Well all that has put me in a rather good mood for our long hike to Plaza Francia & back. Quick pit stop in the tent to get the last of our gear & we're off. Steady uphill trek, I like that cause when you're aiming for altitude gain the last thing you need is to loose it. Vegetation soon disappears, giving way to an even more stark & stunning landscape. High altitude glacial valleys are fascinating creations. Lined by enormous cliffs of banded rock formed by eons of unstoppable force, filled with boulders, rock, stone, shingle & sand grounded out by millennia of glacial travel. To our left is a live glacier filled with giant crevasses & a muddy trickle of a stream running through. To our right is a completely flat kilometre wide valley save for the odd bolder the size of a two story house. In the middle is our trail made up of the moraine dumped out of this geographical wonder.
We make good progress along our trail, see the odd fellow trekkers but for the most part it's pretty quiet. Bump into a big party of guys as we stop who insist Jo & I join them for a photo. Bid farewell to our Argentine amigos & go along our way, they pass us on the trail but then we pass them again when they're on another rest stop. Don't see them again until we get to the Mirador lookout spot at Plaza Francia, the summit of today's expedition. What a lookout spot it is too, unbelievably spectacular views of the south face of Aconcagua, what an awe inspiring sight it is, incomprehensible that we may be on the top in a few days time. Lunch of sandwiches, cake & apple are served, which is pretty fine but then the Italian team nearby are slicing a giant Edam onto crusty bread, I wouldn't be surprised if they got a bottle of proseco out of their backpack. Mercedes forces us to rest here a while to get the benefit of staying at the higher altitude.
After about an hour it's time to tip toe out of camp as our Argie mates are strewn out along the rock like a reenactment of Goose Green. The trek home is mostly downhill & losing altitude, balanced by the now ferocious headwind. Pace is quicker, save for the slippery sections & the frequent Mercedes led pee pee stops. We make good time back to camp, which again is bathed in late afternoon sun & baking hot. Stop in the mess dome for afternoon tea then it's time to have a little wash up. JT has had the fine idea to utilise the tap to strip off in the warm sun for a proper flannel wash, good call as we are sweaty & are feet dusty. Refreshed we head over to our visit to the camp quack or al Doctorrrrrrrr as they say out here. Medical checks are a requirement of the climb, which we will have here & at Plaza de Mulas. Listen at the door as the doc diagnoses fellow climbers to find out what's in store for us but soon enough it is our turn. All goes well, Jo is complimented on her youthful looks & I am for my 91% blood oxygen level (it should be ~98% at sea level). We're given the all clear & sent on our way to continue up.
Have a little potter then it's feeding time again. A soup even clearer than yesterday to start, then chicken, veg & aubergine salsa which is all good & the biggest chicken breast I even did see. There is some debate on the translation of breast into English, I help by giving rather crude hand gestures but apparently women's & chickens breasts are not the same in Argentina. Afters is sponge fingers topped with, you guessed it, dulce de leche. Chat a while in the increasingly chilly evening before Mercedes goes to help with the washing up & we head to the tent via the teeth cleaning tap.
Back in the tent we prepare for another frustrating night of tossing, that's all I can look forward to in bed these days. It's only 9:30 but I'm too tired to blog, play some games but even that is making me sleepy. I know if I pack down I will either not get off or be awake in a few hours. It's the latter, with the added delight of needing pee pee, check the time, 2am, I ain't going to make it till getting up time so head out into the cold night to the karzie. It isn't too bad out there & was a very big wee. Back in the tent the rest of the night is made up of dozing & of course my favourite camp pastime, tossing.
Days away from work 17
Likelihood of returning to work 85%
Most likely alternative - Aconcagua photographer
Distance travelled - 12,090km (6,528nm)
Distance trekked = 24km
Altitude gained = 4,100m
Steaks devoured = 10
Gins quaffed = 9
Beers downed = 3
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 2
Awake with the light, lay there till the alarm, lay there a while longer as breakfast isn't until 8 & we don't have an hour of jobs to do. Get ourselves together & head for the teeth cleaning & face washing station before bowling into the mess tent. Once inside Mercedes brings my cafetière, Selina my slippers & Valentina a freshly ironed copy of The Times. It's hell out here in the mountains. Apart from the coffee & cereal we are again treated to eggs & two lots of pancakes smothered in dulce de leche.
We don't have much on after breakfast so head out to the tent for some jobs. Jo goes to do some washing while I sort out our charging station. Connect up the Powermonkey to its solar panel & voila it starts charging immediately, then daisy chain the iPad & I've got unlimited free power. Such is my harnessing of the Sun's Rays I decide to stay a while blogging & playing music, a most enjoyable hour or so as Confluencia warms up.
Still can't lay around all day, we have a mini training hike planned so regroup with Merc at 10:30 & head off into the hills. Tis an enjoyable little trek as we play the what's in your bathroom game, which JT decides to complicate by having to repeat all items & the ones Mercedes says in Spanish. More spectacular scenery as we wind down to the river, which we cross a couple of times before setting up lunch camp, errr at 11:40. Left over empanadas are served, not as delicious as the warm fresh ones but damn fine all the same, just a shame I had so much for breakfast. It is a beautiful picnic stop, nestled in a little gorge with a fast flowing river & of course spectacular mountains all around, including, we believe, the north face of Aconcagua we will be climbing. Lunch completed we head back into the hills, talk Mercedes into extending our 90 min trek to 2 1/2 hours as we wind along the ridge, down to the river & back up to the path back into town.
Once in camp, Valentina serves us fruit, nuts & squash, I tell her she's an angel, or anGel as they say in Spanish. I tuck into my pack lunch apple which Mercedes insists is amazing with, well you know what, and I've got to say it is. With that done we head out to our respective tasks of more charging for me & more washing for JT. As I lay in the tent, a new group rolls into town, some poshy talking about how this reminds him of trekking in Morocco. I'm thinking what a pretentious twat, but then that's probably what I sound like "oh ya, you have never been in love until you've seen the dawn rise behind the oil barrels in Elbrus". Anyhoo, with JTs phone on 50%, iPod pretty much full & the tent hotter than an Argentine stripper it's time to check on what Jo's up to. She's done the washing & is now spelling out greetings with rocks gathered from the campsite, seems normal to me. She's also met some other new groups including a big group of Irish, who undoubtedly will be drinking Guinness & singing Galway Bay all night.
Just enough time for a strip wash by the sink, then back to the tent to turn our pants inside out ready for tomorrow. Have a little quiet time in our tent, which is actually quite nice, why can't it be like this when we go to bed. So there's been quite a kerfuffle outside while we've been inside, we emerge from our tent to find army all around us, must be the first time the British have been surrounded by the Argentinean army since, well, since ever. Make it to the mess tent without causing a diplomatic incident to meet our new mess mates, Alexander from Romania & Peter from Poland, so there's still time to upset foreigners. Chat with our new friends a while we wait for dinner, they are serious mountaineers. Alexander is all about climbing alone in the extremes, pleasant enough if a little arrogant & you certainly would want to be left alone with him on the mountain. Peter seems the real deal, he's come straight from Antartica, having bagged 5 of the 7 summits with this his second shot at Aconcagua. Mercedes joins us with news of a trekker gone missing between here & Plaza de Mulas. We think he was the older American guy that was teamed up with the Italians we saw yesterday. Rumour has it he set off early as he was slower, the rest of the group passed him & headed straight for Mulas, waited but no sign so headed back but couldn't find him. Eventually spotted by a helicopter not far from Confluencia, shocking to think that something could go so wrong at this relatively safe stage.
So back to dinner, tis OK, pumpkin soup, some sort of vegetable schnitzel & a delicious Argentinean take on tiramisu for afters. Chat some more to our new East European friends, to a few from the big Anglo-Irish expedition & of course to Mercedes who I this is starting to realise when I'm teasing her & (possibly) appreciating my eccentric English humour. Well with all the excitement this evening & bugging out early in the morning, we should head to our tent & toss wildly for 8 hours, err sorry I mean get a good night sleep.
Days away from work 18
Likelihood of returning to work 80%
Most likely alternative - mountain rescue helicopter pilot
Distance travelled - 12,090km (6,528nm)
Days on the trail = 3
Distance trekked = 24km
Altitude gained = 4,100m
6 o/c up time this morning & considering it feels like I haven't slept at all the last three nights, I feel quite alive, certainly no less so than getting ready for a Wednesday in the office. Anyhoo, get ourselves together & start dismantling our tent from home. All goes pretty well, everything goes back into the bags they came from, even the tent goes down without a hitch. Take them up to the mess tent which is full of guides & porters on last nights rescue mission. Over to the sink to clean teeth & pop to the loo. Bit of a queue, chap comes out, hands me the handle & says "it's pretty grim in there, must be the person before me", I go in, can't see what the fuss is about, must be his first rodeo, it's going to get an whole lot grimmer from here on in son.
Back to the mess tent, which is now empty of vagrants, being replaced by my lovelies with all my favourite things. Filled with coffee, pancakes & dulce de leche, we're ready to hit the trail, 10 mins early in fact (sorry Jon, it's obviously the others slowing us down). Pop into the kitchen & slip Selina one (a tip obviously), may be less than half what I would tip a waitress in a swanky restaurant in NY but then that is the way of the world & Selina has never served me radish with white chocolate or whipped raw egg. Anyway I digress, we were leaving town.
Wind down to the river & make a left for Plaza de Mulas. It's pretty steep up but then opens out onto a vast plain between two mountain ridges that stretches as far as the eye can see. I've already used up my quota of superlatives on day 6 so will just say it is spectacular. You really are just a spec on this stark & desolate landscape. Seems to be a dry or very nearly dry river bed, we do cross the streams (I know Egon said you shouldn't but they did in the end to defeat the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man) but it's mostly just dry & rocky. We march on & make good time, gobbling up the kilometres. We see a few teams, pass each other on rest stops but for the most part it's quiet. Lunch stop after 4 hours is good & we're feeling good. As we continue up towards Mulas we cross a few mini glaciers, track starts to get rockier, then very steep. It's a bit hairy as we climb the steep, uneven & loose rock, especially when a big mule train comes charging down & past us as we hug the rock.
Finally after 7 1/2 hours we reach the encampment of Plaza de Mulas. It certainly is a lot bigger than Confluencia but doesn't seem quite the metropolis I imagined. Trek through town to our Fernando Grajales Expedition camp, settle in the mess tent & get a run down on things from Paolo the camp manger (that is he manages the camp, not that he wears a dress, but that would be fine, although probably not in Argentina). Showers are USD 15 each, internet is $20 for 30 mins, phone is something ridiculous for 5 mins. Considering there is nothing above or below Mulas & at these prices, outside communication is going to be very scarce. There is a nice mess dome & a cheeky little chill out zone with bean bags, that's going to be nice in the sun, when it's too hot to sit in your tent.
Time to pick our spot & set up our own little tent, which Mercedes helps us with but I think we're getting the hang of it. Next it's time to check out the toilet facilities, which even I, am not going to go into details here, let's just say the chap from Confluencia is going to get a bit of a shock when he gets here. Right now to try the extortionately priced showers, pretty sure they'll have robes & Molton Brown toiletries at those prices. I suggest maybe Jo can get a free shower if we let them watch, Mercedes says I'll get one for free if I shower in the open because I am a very handsome man (always liked that girl). Wander over, put our name down, have a little potter, then it's back for Toppo, the shower commander, who doesn't offer either of us a discount but does give us a guided tour of the facilities. While not the splendours of the showers of an Alps refuge, are pretty ok, plenty hot enough, especially considering it's still scorchio in camp. Bump into Mercedes on the way back, she is also going for a shower, oh & Gianni has arrived in camp, coincidence, I think not. Feeling refreshed & clean we head back to the tent for a little pre dinner quiet time.
Dinner time & over to the mess tent to meet our new friends, Simon from Italy & Christophe form France, both living in Chamonix, but not together Simon hastens to add, I tell him it would be fine if they were. Simon speaks perfect English, he works for an English guide company in Chamonix, Christophe doesn't speak a word, well he does, just not in English, which I guess amounts to the same. Both seem very nice & charming, they're going for the ultra fast & light technique, carrying very little food or water, trying to get to the summit as quickly as possible. Mercedes & Gianni join us for dinner & we have a good old chin wag about plans for the next few days, weather forecasts & some advice for our Chamonix chums. It's all starting to seem quite real now, even though our own summit bid is over a week away. Mercedes has given a glowing report on our strength & pace so all bodes well for now if a weather window opens. Oh & Mercedes brings up the professions listed on our enrolment forms, lingerie model & rodeo clown, mush hilarity ensues. Dinner is all fine fayre from the legendary Mulas chef Fernandez, the salmon with risotto is really rather good.
Company starts to dwindle after dinner as the temperature plummets, so we too decide that it's time to turn in. No sink in this place so it's teeth clean by the side of a rock & into tents for a little chat before turning in around 10:30. Feeling rather comfortable in my set up & being colder out I'm not roasting in my bag. Still difficult to get to sleep, but i do eventually, until about 2am when I need a wee & JT decides to join me. Not quite as settled when I get back but still get some good rest.
Days away from work 19
Likelihood of returning to work 80%
Most likely alternative - Plaza de Mulas shower attendant
Distance travelled - 12,090km (6,528nm)
Days on the trail = 5
Distance trekked = 48km
Altitude gained = 4,300m
Have a real laze around in the tent this morning as its a rest day & breakfast isn't until 9:30, which is apparently when the sun hits the campsite & the temperature gets above freezing. Get ourselves together & head to the mess tent just before & chat to our new friends. Simon & Christophe are heading for camp 2 today & summiting the next day, they are only taking enough food for one night so if they don't make it they will be back in base camp. Gianni & Mercedes join us for the Argentinian mountain breakfast staple of cereal, egg, pancakes & French Press coffee. Bid bon chance to our European mountain chums & take ourselves off to the chill out tent.
The tent is cosy & comfy with bean bags everywhere, JT struggles to get comfy but she's not really a bean bag kinda girl. Interesting listening to the sound of a true base camp, music blaring, generators whirring, choppers coming & going, trekkers coming up to camp, people coming down from training hikes & summit bids. We busy ourselves with blog updates & drafting emails to send ready for our splash out on the internet later today. On that subject, I've got a bit of a battery crisis. The iPad really doesn't like the cold, the battery indicator goes down like a second countdown timer, initial excitement with the Powermonkey solar panels is not quite so good & the new battery pack is exhausted due to being left out in the cold. Interesting dynamic out here is the only thing that is generating heat is your own body, so you have to use it for everything from packing all electronic items in your sleeping bag to sitting on the butter. Yes there is charging in the camp managers hut but only between 11 & 4. Anyhoo, work out some sort of strategy to use my power wisely.
Lunch is next, which we enjoy with our friends Gianni & Mercedes, followed by attempts at outside communication. Or so we think, pop in to see Paolo to ask for the WiFi password but it doesn't work like that, you have you use his computer. Right so how do we get our emails drafted on the iPad & Kindle onto his computer, Jo suggests the cloud, which I am impressed she knows about but unfortunately that would require internet, which we don't have. Decide to shop around camp to see what's on offer. Up to the art gallery, where there are a couple of bearded hipsters smoking a pipe talking about what it's like in Kathmandu (ok I have a beard now & have been to Kathmandu, but I don't smoke a pipe). They know nothing about internet so we go inside & speak to the hippie that lives there, he has an impressive array of modern art mountain landscape but he too only has static computers. Try a couple of other places before stumbling on the only place in camp that offers WiFi & at $15 for 15 mins we bite his hand off. Give him the iPad, he enters the password, wait a few seconds then everything bursts into life, emails, BBC news, fb updates, messages coming through with a variety of sounds. Manage to get emails sent, a fb "check-in", still bags of time so email blog photos & upload the last of the days blogs with seconds to spare. Don't think he checks too closely to be fair. Next it's JTs turn, she also sends her emails, including her article to the parish magazine editor. I get the last 10 mins transferred over to the iPad & start on sending more messages. One from Rachael that says "sooooo this happened yesterday", with a picture that didn't come through, so I know something happened but no idea what. More direct but somber news from Michaela, both David Bowie & Allan Rickman have died, very sad.
We retire to the chill out dome to peruse what else we can glean from what was downloaded but didn't have time to read while we were online. The answer to that is not an awful lot, Neil Dulieu watches some programme called CBB & there's a sale on at Abercrombie & Fitch. With that excitement over we head to our little tent for a wash up & underpant reversal before its time to see al Doctoros again. Merc waits in the queue for us then gives us a shout when it's time to come along. Lady docs again, we both pass the rigorous medical with flying colours, my blood oxygen is again called out for special note, 88%, with a much more respectable respiratory rate of 79.
Dinner is quite nice, good corn soup to start (which is mandatory as Paolo says no soup, no summit), followed by chicken with something & tiramisu for afters. As we don't have any new guests just sit around chatting with our Argentinean guide friends until the cold drives us to go our separate ways. Teeth cleaning by our favourite rock then back to the tent for a little chatting before packing down for the night. I actually get quite comfy & get some sleep for the first half of the night. So our impressive blood oxygen counts for this altitude is due to our body making more red blood cells to carry more oxygen & forces fluid out to counteract. Cause & effect as that annoying Frenchie in Matrix Reloaded would say. Not surprising then the now regular 2am wee call gets me up, JT thinks this sounds exciting so decides to join me. I bring the camera this time to try to get a shot of the amazing night sky, the stars are so clear you can clearly see the Milky Way, well you can with the naked eye but it can't with the photos I took, ho hum. Rest of the night is split evenly between tossing & a bit of sleep.
Days away from work 20
Likelihood of returning to work 75%
Most likely alternative - base camp Internet Barron
Days since I've seen my reflection = 6
Distance trekked = 48km
Altitude gained = 4,300m
Bit of an earlier start today with our hike up to Bonette Peak, 8am breakfast, which is all good with our favourite staples while a bit samey, you can't complain about fresh pancakes & coffee at 4,300m. We're together with our day packs ready in good time again, have to wait a bit for Gianni but then he does have a lot more to get together. Head off out of camp about 9:15.
It's a fair trek across the valley just to get out of camp & onto the path leading up to the peak. We cross a field of penitentes, jagged peaks of ice, where I desperately scramble for the camera to capture this dramatic sight, only for the battery to fail due to the cold. Little do I know that the trail is littered with these as the ferocious winds whip through the remnants of the winter snow to form a million billion peaks from 10cm to 4m tall. As we reach the other side of the valley we see a rather nice looking lodge, I can't quite work out why we're all living in the slums of base camp when there is this impressive structure. Gianni tells me it costs too much to run so it's not used & is clearly starting to fall into disrepair, what a shame.
We pass the army encampment who seem to be attempting Bonette Peak too. Carry on up the trail, making good time & feeling good, we even overtake the army platoon, but only momentarily as they power on past us up the mountain. The terrain starts to get steeper as we zig zag up the slopes. Ground is quite loose underfoot in places but Gianni & Mercedes are always on hand with some helpful tips. We cross several more of these penitentes as we ascend, adding a slippery additional obstacle but we cope with all that's put in front of us with some aplomb. We're nearing the top now, JT seemed to be struggling with the pace so once confirmed with Gianni that we won't be using our crampons, I offer to carry Jo's for her, as expected she declines. There's a bit of a scramble in store for our final assault on the summit. It is a little hairy in places but mostly fine, getting tough as we approach the maximum altitude but we push on & make the summit in good time, 5 hrs 15 mins. Summit is quite euphorias as we reach our goal & the views are absolutely breathtaking. The Andes & the boarder with Chile in one direction & the most spectacular views of Aconcagua in the other, in fact majesty of the mountain is through 360 degrees (which is rather fitting with our guide company). Also interesting that we are 200 metres higher than Mt Blanc that we attempted, and failed, last year.
Once I've gotten my fill of photos & recovered my breath I join the otters for a spot of lunch. The idea is again to stay a while at the altitude to maximise the acclimatisation, which is no chore as there is hardly a breath of wind just off the summit & surprisingly warm for 5,000m. Hour lunch stop is up & now time for the long & arduous decent, or so we think, our guides are proponents of the straight down skiing technique. Not much opportunity in the scramby first section but once we have an open scree slope we're being coaxed & coached to fly down the mountain. Gianni is helping Jo, who lacks nothing in ability but is a little lacking in confidence, like a ski instructor he slides backwards down the mountain urging her to put a turn in. Jo falls on her ass a few times but then so does Gianni, so do I as a matter of fact, as I am the complete opposite, overconfident & trying to go too fast. We make good time down the mountain, not quite the pace of Marco who is jogging up as we are coming down & then overtakes us as he flies off into the distance. Pretty soon we're at the dilapidated lodge, crossing the final penitentes, onto the final slog into town & arrive about 5 o/c.
Feeling rather exhausted from our endeavours today we just have a flump in the mess tent. Simon brings some perspective to things as he pops his head round the door to say he's just back from the summit. We jump up, of course, to congratulate him & have a good old chat with the charming Italian on how it all went. He made it from camp two in 6 hours, broke his crampon on the final traverse, no wind on the summit & made good time on the way down. His friend Christophe stayed behind at camp two as he did not sleep & is going for his bid tomorrow. This shakes us from our stupor & head off to find our friend Toppo to arrange a shower. Shower is all good, I take the opportunity to wash my pants, socks & t shirt in there too, maximising the scarce resource of hot water, feeling refreshed we head to the tent for a mini quiet rest before dinner.
At dinner we're joined by some new guests, Chris from Switzerland, Karen from Canada & their guide Elan, an Israeli, American, Argentine cross. We chat over dinner of soup, steak & coleslaw and chocolate pudding. Chris is a examiner pilot for Easy Jet (I ask him if he will give me a licence based on my 50 hours single engine experience, he declines). Karen is an accountant from Toronto.
Gianni has some news for us on our summit bid, turns out the forecast for our summit days is looking bleak, plan is for us to stay up from our hike to camp one tomorrow & push on to camps two & three, rather than coming back down & using them as acclimatisation hikes. Suits us as despite the exertions of today we're keen to push on up & to be quite honest to get out of the tents & this camp. This is all of course dependent on how we acclimatise, how fit we feel & the weather. Jo is concerned that we were too slow today to make this happen, Gianni dismisses this as nonsense, pointing out we were only 15 mins behind the target time & he's very happy with how we did today. With this news we bid goodnight to our remaining buddies & head back to the tent to ponder this exciting new news.
First sleep period goes well, not too cold, not too hot & feeling rather knackered from our climb. Wake up at 2:30 & give the shout for our pee run. We seem to be getting used to this aspect of tent life, rather than being a disaster we take it in our stride, getting dressed, out of the tent, over to the loos, stripped off & back in our bags in 5 mins flat. Sleep is not so fluid from there on but still pretty comfortable all things considered.
Days away from work 21
Likelihood of returning to work 75%
Most likely alternative = Easy Jet pilot (I'm going to work on Swiss Chris)
Days since used a proper toilet = 7
Distance trekked = 58km
Altitude gained = 5,000m
Another rest day & another late start for breakfast, no point getting up to wander around in the cold so just more laying in the tent not sleeping. 8:45 finally arrives, time for our morning chores, then off to the teeth cleaning rock & onto breakfast. Canadian Karen inspires us to switch from cereal to oatmeal, which is a good shout, rest of breakfast is the usual fayre. Have quite a chat after breakfast to our new mess mates, Elan is an interesting cat, born & brought up in Israel, moved to the US with his family, went travelling fell in love with an Argentinean girl & has been portering then guiding for the last 16 years. Chris is quite jealous of our sabbatical, I agree to get him a job if he signs my A320 licence, we don't specify what type of job but we've shaken on it so it's a done deal.
Head over to Paolo's office, bump into Gianni who is portering some gear up to high camp, we confirm we are going up to stay up tomorrow. Better start planning & packing our kit today then, but first time to charge things & get some juice in the iPad to get the blog up to date, I'm already forgetting things. Speaking of that, had no idea it was Saturday today, being on a three month break certainly helps you forget what day of the week it is, on the trail it has no meaning whatsoever. This is not helped by sharing a pot of matte with Mercedes, a rather strange herbal brew. Manage to get the blog up to date in the chill out room, which is very nice, other than being inhabited by Northerners & the Irish.
Lunchtime now & is the best yet, chicken with pasta in a cream sauce, quince & cheese for afters too. More chatting with our chums over lunch, all very civilised. Once lunch is packed away it's time to dive into the bags & work out what we need to take vs what we can fit in the rucksack vs what we can physically carry. This whole process of splitting & resplitting bags for different legs of the trip has already become quite monotonous but hopefully this should be the last time, we even have a bag packed of relatively clean clothes for when we return to Mulas, hopefully victoriously. It's all starting to get rather serious now with the prospect of leaving to start our summit bid in the morning.
Paolo unplugs everything on charge dead on 4 so there's no point leaving the iPad there any longer. Bump into Simon again, he believes Christophe has summited but has a radio call at 5 to hopefully confirm. Head down to the WiFi tent, but it isn't there, seems to have been taken over by more dorms. Get chatting to a couple of likely lads sitting on deck chairs watching the camp go by, good to hear familiar London voices for a change. A very pleasant chat & good insight into how other companies are running their expeditions, but really all this establishes is there is no WiFi. So we head up to hippie Mike for the ambience & the 15 min intervals. Despite the whale music & burning joss sticks, it is a very frustrating experience. Mike's computers are slow & in Spanish, so you never really know what it's doing. Get emails out to both parents, siblings & children, quick status update on fb & all that took half an hour.
Just enough time for a quick tent bath before joining the otters for dinner. Soup is good & Jo finally relents to Paolo's no soup, no summit mantra & has a second bowl. Mains is rather disappointing, I think we're served steak but to be honest it could have been the sole of a Scarpa. Stewed apple in mulled wine pulls the kitchen out of the second division. With us bugging out & our mess mates heading for Peter Bonette peak tomorrow, it's time for us all to get some rest.
Tentie beddie isn't too bad & I manage to get through to 4am before JT & I are called to the wild.
Days away from work 22
Likelihood of returning to work 75%
Most likely alternative = mountain art gallery curator
Days since seen a TV = 8
Distance trekked = 58km
Altitude gained = 5,000m
Wake up to the sound of choppers buzzing in & out of camp, it's light in the tent but the sun has not hit us yet so no point getting up in the freezing cold, especially when breakfast is at 9:15. Eventually we do start getting our last bits together, sleeping bags & bedding rolled up & we're off to breakfast. Chat to our new friends, Karen is a funny one, while a bit older, she seems to do an awful lot of outdoor activities & be quite fit, but she seems to struggle with things, maybe its confidence, maybe she's bitten off too much, time will tell. Swiss Chris is the polar opposite he seems to take everything in his stride, anyway hope they both conquer Bonette. Bump into our friend Simon for an update on Christophe's progress, he summited yesterday but didn't have the strength to come down, so stayed another night at C2. Trouble is these guys go for the fast alpine approach so he only had just enough food & water for 1 night & he's been up 3.
With breakfast scoffed & put away, we can now commence our final assault on the rucksack packing. Reminds me of an East European film I was watching online, every orifice is completely stuffed. Now Gianni suggested we go up to camp 2 in our approach boots, which is a good idea but where the heck are we going to put our 8,000m boots? Well I come with the solution to lash to the sides of our pack, will have to see whether that idea is a good one considering the extra weight we're carrying. Step outside to load up the massive beasts, I offer to help Jo on with hers, she declines of course, then the weight of the pack nearly knocks her off her feet.
Right, loaded up, we head up for our summit attempt & it's about damn time if you ask me. Little bit concerned how heavy the pack is & how puffed I'm getting just heading out of camp, first snowy pitch is slippery too. Better on the trail but it's still tough with these big packs as we zig zag up the steep slope. Think of it as walking up a steep hill for 4km while giving a piggy back to a child weighing 15kgs (3 st), while holding your breath every third breath. Actually that's such a good analogy, why didn't I use that as my training regime. Quick break after an hour, chat to some fellow hikers, then back on our way. Lunch stop by the big rocks is a welcome relief, but all things considered we're feeling pretty good. Aconcagua staple lunch of spinach pie goes down very well. Gianni has caught us up by now & stays with us a while before powering up to get the kettle on in camp. Last section is really tough, our packs feel like lead, our shoulders are aching, we're getting tired & the pitch is a lot steeper. We somehow push on to the big rocks that symbolise C1 & we see civilisation as we round them, our more exclusive camp is a little further but at least it's a flat traverse. Base camp is just a dot below us, which feels satisfying that we have put real distance between us.
Feeling knackered but we need to make our tent up before anything else, but we kinda got the routine licked, Jo goes in to roll things out, I take things out of the bags & throw them at her. Beddy tent made, we join our friends for a spot of afternoon tea, instant coffee is quite passable & they even have pantone (Gianni seems to have forgotten the sparking wine to dip it in, I mean even a Lambrusco would do son). With that scoffed & feeling a little more human, we head to our tent for a little lie down out of the chilly wind in the warm afternoon sun.
Sufficiently rested we are determined to shed some weight to hopefully not make the rest of the hikes quite such an ordeal. Trouble is, everything that is heavy is also essential, boots, axe, down jacket, sleeping bag etc, etc. We do decide we can do without things like extra socks & baselayers, not the heaviest & we may smell a bit but everything counts. With that done, it's 6:30 & time for dinner. We wait on our rock for the delights to pop out of Gianni's tent, the first of which is Mercedes, & the bowl of alphabettie soup she's holding. Next follows a nice beef stew with mash & finally a peppermint patty served on a tray with the wrapper peeled back, bless them. Just time for a cup of tea & admire the majesty of the mountains. Being up from base camp feels so much more in the mountains. Although even more basic & no one else around to talk to, I do quite like it.
With dinner done it's time to head to our new favourite rock for teeth cleaning, then back to the tent as while still early, the shadow is rapidly covering our camp & the temperatures will be below freezing soon. Wet wipe bed bath, bit of a potter, then kinda just laze around chatting before bed time, but first another wee. Back in the tent it's still early but we pack down none the less & actually get some quite good sleep. Of course we do not make it through the night without another toilet stop, I've got a bit of an upset tummy but everything in the mountains has a silver lining, the clump of rocks with a plastic bag designated for such activities provides a stunning view in the moonlight. Back to the tent to get some more rest for whatever tomorrow brings.
Days away from work 23
Likelihood of returning to work 80%
Most likely alternative = anything in civilisation
Days since I washed my hair = 9
Distance trekked = 62km
Altitude gained = 5,000m
Again I am awake before the alarm & long before breakfast, feeling very snuffly, have done the whole trek really, toss a while in my bag until the alarm goes off when we chat a while before its time to get some jobs done. Gianni announces that breakfast is postponed till the sun comes round, so we grab ourselves a coffee & sit in the tent with it until it is breakfast time. We take up our usual rocks & are served the best toast we've had in ages, warm, lightly buttered with jam. Makes ourselves a batch of warm powdered milk for a nice bowl of shredded wheat with jam in the middle type things.
Gianni pops out to discuss mountain strategy. JT & I have already spoke, we want to push as hard, to get as high as possible as soon as possible, albeit I don't think we can face three more days like yesterday in succession. So Gianni says we're doing well & looking good (I presume he means good for two pasty gringos 5,000m out of their comfort zone), so his plan is for us to take our summit gear up to C2 today, sleep here at C1, then return to C2 tomorrow. Makes sense as even with our slightly trimmed kit it's going to be very tough & we have the weather till the 22nd, which is still 4 days early. In any case Gianni is in charge & we would need a good reason to counter. Meanwhile Gianni is going to head down for more supplies.
So we split our gear into going down with Gianni, going up to C2 & staying at C1. Pack going to C2 is still pretty heavy as this is all the heavy stuff, but still better than yesterday. Anyway, we've only got to do a little more bimble up this slope & into the saddle. Of course this was never going to be the case, the slope is much longer & steeper than it looks but we are doing pretty well feeling the benefit of the slightly lighter load. Terrain is mainly scree, funny how after a week or so in the mountains you feel quite comfortable resting leaning on your pole with 200m of loose rock below you. More snow fields the higher we go, slippery & tricky but we do fine. Last pitch up to C2 is really steep but we make it in 3:20, impressive as the goal was 4 hours. The summit, although still 1,600m above us, seems really close & for the first time I allow myself to believe we might do it.
There's a little domo here, not quite the luxury of base cap, it's low & muddy but we avail ourselves of the foam mats & make ourselves at home, so much so JT falls fast asleep on me. An hours rest & acclimatisation done its time to head back home to C1. Quick look out around the rest of the campsite & more astonishing views of the Andes, then it's on to the descent. Bump into Elan doing some load carrying up to C2, reports on his little pack that they coped well with Bonette & hike to C1. Rucksacks now empty, save for our camelbacks, feel amazing & we fly down the slope. So much so we're in camp in 1:15.
Gianni has the kettle on & tea is served with some rather nice choccy bickies. Little rest in our tent which again is absolutely delightful out of the wind & in the sun. 6:30 dinner bell goes & we meander over to see what loveliness pops out of the tent next door. Instant soup which we make in our Whistler thermos mugs, mushroom pasta with crackers & parmesan cheese is indeed fine, more bickies for afters. I do the washing up then make us a nice cup of tea to enjoy by our favourite tea drinking rock, not to be confused with our teeth cleaning rock which is used next.
Pop our little heads into our little home, wash & into our bags for a little potter & chat while it's still light outside. Play a game of what do you miss most, toilet, shower & bed feature highly, then the more positive game of what will you miss from the mountain; the views obviously & for now the prospect of achieving something remarkable always in the forefront of our minds.
Days away from work 24
Likelihood of returning to work 80%
Most likely alternative = C2 to C1 zip line inventor & operator
Days since I brushed my teeth inside = 10
Distance trekked = 70km
Altitude gained = 5,400m
Apart from a bit of a head ache, feel good today, feel got a decent night sleep. Still plenty of tossing as the sun rises but we are confined to our tents. Round for breakfast of toast, hot milk cereal & coffee which is all good thank you Gianni. Pack up the last of our tent, lash to our backs & hit the trail.
Trek is quite familiar, probably because it's the same trail we did yesterday, I sometimes think it's steeper but we come across all the same landmarks & stop in the same places. Make it to camp in pretty much the same time as yesterday, thought we would be quicker with lighter packs & better acclimatised, but he ho. Time to get our tent made up for the third time in five days, makes you wonder how these nomad chaps get on. Anyhoo, we get nicely settled & have a relax on our freshly laid bedding.
Gianni calls us for an afternoon tea of antipasti in the mess domo, a fine spread of ham, salami, cheeses & olives. I could almost be in Adam's apartment in NY, well if there was gin, American Football on the TV & the opportunity to nip up to the roof terrace with Harriet. Be that as it may, Gianni has done wonders & we compliment him appropriately. Have a delightful chat to the affable Argentinean too, seems the mountaineering royalty Kenton Cool was due to join JT & me on this expedition but pulled out at the last minute. Must have been scared of being shown up by a couple of bankers from Hornchurch.
There's a bit of commotion outside as the big Jagged Globe team rolls into town. They're all whooping & backslapping, kinda makes us wish we we part of a team like in Kili & Elbrus (more opportunity to make fun of Northerners & Westcountriers too). Jo goes over to congratulate her friend Gronja, who's a sweet little thing. I hear an Irish voice "ah so there ya are big man", I look left, right & behind but it's me he's talking too, oh it's that Irish chap I spoke to for two minutes in the chill out dome that's embracing me, oh & now there's another one. Bless them, the mountain does strange things to people. To be fair though, they are all very positive about our summit bid on the 22nd, even though they can't make it up in time & will probably miss summiting due to the weather. All good things have to come to an end, they were just here on an acclimatisation visit & are heading down with more well wishes & promises from Paddy & Sean to pray for us.
Just time for a quick pre dinner quiet time, then over to the mess at 6:30. Just pasta tonight due to our magnificent antipasti selection, it's nice enough but JT & I are not feeling the best. Manage to do our hosts food justice then both need to dash outside. It is quite an ordeal in the mountains & we are quite spent so decide to call it a day for today. Once in the tent we have a nice little wash & settle down for a potter & chat.
We agree this whole experience is more challenging than we expected. We knew this was a big step up from Kili & Elbrus and we have trained hard. It could have been a lot tougher without Gianni & Mercedes pandering to us. But even still, being in tents for so long with everything that goes with it, the loads we have carried & the length of time at such high altitude certainly has made it tough for us. So our accelerated summit attempt is double edged, reducing acclimatisation & rest days makes it harder to push on but we really want to get off the mountain as soon as we can. While you never can tell, we're calling it 22nd or bust, we're getting off this mother after that regardless.
Days away from work 25
Likelihood of returning to work 80%
Most likely alternative = Mountain psychologist
Days since I shaved = 11
Distance trekked = 74km
Altitude gained = 5,400m
Just to reinforce our discussion last night, I have the worst night of the trip, hardly a wink of sleep, splitting headache, can't breathe from congestion & feel I'm suffocating in the tent. Discuss with JT, she sympathises & feeds me some cold & flu and a diamox (altitude sickness pills). Can't say I feel any better immediately & still concerned with how today & ultimately the trip will progress.
Head to the mess tent, Gianni asks us how we slept, I tell him about my bad night & fess up that I've taken a diamox. Maybe it's the language but from his reaction Gianni must have thought I'd said I slept with his mother. Eventually he calms down & I agree not to take another (or sleep with his mother) without asking him first. We learn the secret to Gianni's fried toast, it is indeed ingenious.
Feel much better after eating, drinking & listening to Gianni's wise words over breakfast. Clean our teeth at our rock & chat a while all in more positive spirits. Go for a little walk up the hill & take in some of the vistas. For once there are clouds in the dark blue sky creating an even more dramatic skyline. Jo spots a fox down in main camp following hikers out of camp, even jumping up at one of them. Isn't he amazingly tame for a fox & so well camouflaged in his natural habitat, the amateur wildlife fancier adds. Anyway, just time for a potter & rest before it's lunchtime, where we join Merc in the mess dome for instant mash & frankfurters, delicious with a bit of Tabasco sauce. Finish chatting to the other half of our dynamic Argentinean duo, then decide to go for a little walk in our new boots, but it starts to snow so we have a little tent nap instead.
Just as the snow eases off, hear our friends from base camp, Swiss Chris & Canadian Karen rolling into camp. Karen has very sensibly hired a porter but still good on her for making it up to 5,400m. With our greetings exchanged we head over to see Elan & what the excitement is over the ridge looking into C2 main. Seems a chopper is trying to land, but it's tough at this altitude & cross wind. Watch him make a couple of passes then we must put our 8,000m boots to try something a bit more challenging than the Snow & Rock store in Covent Gdn. Bit of struggle to get mine on without getting any dirt on my sock or inner boot while balancing on a wobbly rock. With that ordeal over we head off & they're feeling nice & comfy. Wander down to the main camp where we see the dog that wildlife expert JT had seen doing impressions of a fox. Wander around camp a bit, seeing how the other half live in this very flat & barren plateau. Rotary pilot meanwhile is still trying to land. While a bit car crash, he's trying to pick up an injured climber, get some great dramatic shots of landing & take off. Walk out & up to our C2 annex is considerably slower but still comfy in our new boots.
Back in our tent for a little pre dinner quiet time I think. Well I thought until the newest big group joins our commune, word of the 22nd weather window is growing. Do manage some rest though, while amusing ourselves listening to their conversations. One of them is so full of sh*t taking about his adventure company that Branjolena go to, or the pathetic attempts of the American guide to get the Argentinean girl climber to come visit him in May.
Quick strip wash, change of pants, only got one clean pair left, for summit! Then we enjoy dinner on the terrace since it's such a warm evening, 7 o/c & the sun is still so high in the sky. Dinner of lentils & leftover frankfurters is good & should keep things moving, if there was any doubt. We're joined by Jo's fox who sits & stares hoping for scraps, Gianni gives in & feeds him all the kitchen leftovers. When he's done with us the dog-fox heads for the other team, but unlike us these guys have freeze dried bag food, still can't be fussy at these altitudes.
Time to say buenas noches, complete our bedtime routine before turning in. Only two more sleeps till summit.
Days away from work 26
Likelihood of returning to work 75%
Most likely alternative = UK based adventure consultant
Days since I didn't have an icicle hanging from my nose = 12
Distance trekked = 74km
Altitude gained = 5,400m
Breakfast is at the very respectable 9:30, unfortunately we need to eimpty our tent & pack our rucksacks before we're allowed any of Gianni's famous toast. It's fricking freezing this morning, every time one of us moves, ice that's formed on the inside of the tent showers down on us. It's even colder outsider as we beaver away stuffing our hungry sacks, but not too full, we need to be able to carry these suckers up to 6,000m. With that done we're allowed to join the otters in the muddy mess domo for Gianni's toast of delight & Elan's oatmeal of splendour. With that there's nothing else but to embark on what is effectively the Kilimanjaro summit day, only with the delight of having a bigger summit day tomorrow.
Head off on the steep incline out of camp, at least this time we have the benefit of being higher up than the main camp. Still heavy going & we're only 10 mins out, but we push on regardless like the intrepid mammals we are. Incline is relentlessly steep, which isn't too bad when you just get your head down, but we're constantly changing direction & changing terrain from soft sand to rock, to snow, to slush. We plod on regardless though & inevitably make progress.
It is amazing to see all the other mountains that loomed over us in base camp now lie below us, "The Horn" in particular, so beautiful & imposingly now merges into the ranges of lesser mountains. Finally after an especially tough section we come across a camp, however this is camp Berlin, kinda C2.5, it's use probably depends on the route & the weather as it is on the opposite face. The transition over this peak & onto the other face is what we have to negotiate next using a form of via ferrata, only with no carribenas to fix yourself to the iron ropes. Still over this & into a very strange rocky world we find ourselves, but promised not far from camp. We come to the first camp, "are we there yet Mercedes", no not yet kids, second camp, are we there yet, no nearly; third camp hurrah.
Stumble into camp feeling spent, even though it feels like we were really slow, like it took ages for the 3km hike. Gianni looks at his watch, pulls an impressed face & says "under 3 hours, not bad at all". Be that as it may we've still got to make up the tent, A-gain. Get everything in & unpacked, now I've gotta have a lie down, my head feels it will literally split in two. 20 mins, 2 paracetamol & the rest of my water drunk I feel human enough to leave the tent. Our tent at 6,000m, the only time we've been this high was when we summited Kilimanjaro, but that was only briefly to hug Jo, pictures in the top hat, unfurl the Union Flag with Ben & have a smoke with Charlie, the latter being a very bad idea. This time we're still 1,000m off our summit & will be at least this high for 36 hours. Best we get some grub then.
Find Gianni & Mercedes in the mess dome, having served more meats & cheeses. We're also joined by our new friend Elan who is going through the incredibly laborious process of melting snow. We're asked if we want to move onto mains, makes sense to round off dinner at 4pm when you're having your pre summit breakfast 12 hours later. Enjoy the first freeze dried bag we've had in the trip, then bid our friends nighty nights till summit time. JT & I find the latest teeth cleaning rock, get the last of our stuff ready to go in the morning then pack down for a rest. I think rest is reasonable, difficult to sleep at 6 o/c when it's warm & bright in the tent. JT seems to be going for it though, I will lift my top hat to her if she makes it through till 3:30am.
Days away from work 27
Likelihood of returning to work 75%
Most likely alternative = Front of Tent at "Gianni's"
Days since I saw a bed = 13
Distance trekked = 74km
Altitude gained = 6,000m
Ok so Jo doesn't make it through till 3:30, because a) I wake her up cause I want a wee & b) a gale force wind builds up in the night. The former normal, the latter a little worrying when you're heading for the summit, it's really whipping at the tent & I'm starting to worry. I said the other day this was 22nd or bust, come what may we're getting off this mountain tomorrow, but now we've come this far I don't want it to end like this. Sure enough, there is a knock on the tent, summit push has been pushed back by an hour, breakfast at 5am, push off at 6. No real chance of sleep but let's try to get a bit more rest.
4:30 alarm goes off, time to get our gear on, let's go through what the well dressed summitteer is wearing this season. Liner socks, thick high altitude socks; triple layer 8,000m boots; thermal base layer, trousers, waterproof pants; baselayer, mid-layer, expedition weight down jacket; gloves, down summit mitts; buff, thick hat, hood up, head torch on. That's just to go for breakfast, which on the table (sorry dirt mount) is Gianni's famous toast & oatmeal. Get outside & mamma Gianni gives us a final check over like special children on their first day at special school.
Just on 6 we head out into the freezing cold, dark night for the final 1,000m push up the highest mountain in South America, and it's about damn time if you ask me. Feeling a little bit sluggish with all that porridge inside us but as the oaty goodness turns to energy we make good progress & good time up the first section to Camp Independencia (C4) at 6,400m. Time for a rest & put on the crampons for the snow & scree face ahead of us. A little disappointing that we're not allowed to do ourselves as this is the one thing we're good at, more disappointing is its so early, 600 more metres in crampons. Ho hum, up the slope we go
Still feeling pretty good as we get over the ridge, down the other side & into a long snowy traverse. This is the first sign that things are getting difficult for JT, it's heartbreaking to hear her yelp in pain, slip over & struggle to get back up. It's like the fight scene in Cool Hand Luke (if you don't know it, get in on AmaTuneFlix, it's a classic), Like George Kenedy, the mountain keeps knocking Jo down, you almost want to say, "stay down Jo", but she keeps on getting up again. Things improve after this difficult section, but it's of course uphill all the way as we approach the cave, the legendary rest stop, they have been few & far between today.
As we reach the cave, we can at last throw down our packs & have a proper rest. I'm laying in the sun with my head on my helmet actually resting, but Gianni has other ideas as he urges us to drink & eat, "how do you expect to to carry on if you don't put something back in !?! Then it dawns on me that we might not make it because we're not good enough or quick enough. It's time to start showing our metal otherwise we may loose the chance, but maybe that's ok because it's 22nd or bust. Just then, reminiscent of when George Kenedy himself told Luke to stay down, Gianni says to us, now is the time to decide if you want to go down, it's another 3 hours to the summit. 3 hours to the summit & we've got nothing, but sometimes nothing is a real cool hand.
We leave our packs behind & continue up the steep incline, every section of this mountain seems to be steeper than the last. This trend continues as we approach the summit, but try as I might the bloody summit never gets any closer, we just inch up the face so slowly the mountain seems to be growing at the same rate, we pass others who say to us as we have before to others, "not far to go", "you've done the hard part". I think as others before me surely have "good for you, now fck off out of my way". I'm suddenly aware of Gianni's timescale & push on harder but then I just have to rest a few seconds longer to recover. There is excitement, you can see the South Summit, "great, but is it what we're aiming for......no, so I've got to keep going then. Nearly there now, no we're not it's another 20m, might as well be on the moon. This is it; really, it's steeper than ever; here it is climb these rocks; rocks, climb, in these shoes?; somehow I muster one more burst as Mercedes urges, "go on do it together", I push up with empty legs, my crampons screeching & sparking against the rock until Jo & I stumble onto the summit together.
It's a big, wide expanse with a dilapidated pipe cross in the middle adorned with flags & scarfs, where's Ben Slater with his Union Flag when you need him. Just as Ben is one of the few people who knew what it was like to summit Kilimanjaro at 6:22 on X, JT is the only one who knows how it felt today as we embrace with joy & relief, actually more relief at 5:45pm on 22nd January. Mercedes bounds up with a perky "choca esos cinco", I scorn her outstretched hand for a crushing hug (as crushing as I can manage) before Gianni & Jo join for a group hug. We wander around soaking in the views & getting photos, as much as we dare at this late hour on summit day. Now we really are on the summit, we completely dwarf all the other mountains in the range as we look down on them, as we would the clouds if there were any on this perfect day. We pose for pictures in the top hat of course, a daring attempt at a group photo as I line it up then first me then Mercedes run across the rock in our crampons to desperately get in shot. Unfortunately as we are so late there is no one else around to take it. Speaking of that, getting to the top is optional, getting back down is mandatory & that is what we must do now, retrace our 11 hours of steps, hopefully at a faster rate otherwise we'll be in camp at 5am, but we probably won't make it that far before we freeze to death.
Now if you're thinking they must have made it otherwise he wouldn't be writing this, well smart ass, what about Donnie Darko, what about American Beauty? We hadn't really given consideration to how quickly we could get down, whether there was a different route or how much we would need in the tank. The first section is the same, steep & icy but we've still got some adrenaline so we do well & fast I the difficult conditions. Rest at the cave & start to realise there is a seriously long way down, it's now 7pm & we know only too well how the temperature drops once the shadow falls across the mountains. It's another long steep decent then a slog through the deeper snow on the traverse. Slowing slightly, we keep going as we follow the same route, creeping back towards camp. It's 8 o/c when we reach the traverse up to the snowy ridge where we put on the crampons this morning. Negotiate the ridge, down the snowy slope, past Camp Independencia. Don't remember it being far from the point, just as well as it nearly 9pm & it's starting to get dark & seriously cold. We have a rest stop to take on some valuable energy, shed the crampons & put on some layers. Suddenly realise how cold I am, rummage in my pack for my down jacket, shivering as I get input on & struggle of zip it up. Mercedes is helping Jo on with hers & getting out head torches as its proper dark now. As we start walking again there's a group on Japanese climbers in serious trouble, they are exhausted & taking shelter under some rocks, they could die out here & they're only an hour from camp. Gianni, the mountain ace, is called to sort out the situation, which I sure he does as we continue down the mountain. It's so long & now so confusing which path to take I'm beginning to think we've missed C3 & the lights I can see are C2. Eventually we reach the camp & it is 3, Gianni is back having saved the day again. We are so relived & so grateful to our guides for getting us to the top & seeing us safely back into camp at 10pm.
All we want is a hot drink & crawl into our bags & sleep after this 16 hour ordeal. I get the tea, then return to find JT lying in the tent apart from her boot clad left leg, like a scene from a Western where cowboy Jo has been gunned down while desperately trying to get her boots on. I try to help by wrenching her boot off, she screams something about it not being undone but I can't find anything so keep yanking. Seems she doesn't want my help so leave her to it & start peeling my layers off. Pretty soon we're both ready to get to sleep, not sure if Jo's boot is still poking out of the tent, I don't care as long a she shuts the tent round it, I've got to get to sleep.
Days away from work 28
Likelihood of returning to work 75%
Most likely alternative = mountaineer of course
Days since I had a drink = 14 (especially for my NY friends)
Distance trekked = 74km
Altitude gained = 6,962m
I wake up sometime in the night, no real idea when but I could not have felt more comfortable if I was in the President Suite surrounded by hookers. After all my moaning, give me a warm sleeping bag with a tent over my head, that's all I need to be happy. Later on JT complains she wants a wee, I make a half sincere offer to come with her but she goes outside alone to cock her leg against the side of the tent. Eventually light streams through & for once we don't have an agreed time for breakfast, pretty good bet it's 9 o/c so that's when we head over. The otters are waiting patiently while Elan cooks all the food he has to avoid carrying it down, quesso pancakes are especially good. With breakfast & chatting done with we really must move on, getting to the top is optional, getting to the bottom is mandatory & we're a long way from the bottom.
So next time you're complaining about what you have to do when your holiday is over, well consider that we have to pack up our tent, carry it down1,700m, sleep in a tent for a night, then walk 36 km to get out of the park. Descent to C2 goes well, we're feeling good & in good spirits. Load up with the extra kit we left there, change into our Scarpa Mantas & lash our 8,000m boots to our packs. Cary on down, our packs quite a bit heavier but we still make good progress towards C1, chance for some scree skiing on this leg. No need go to C1 as we left nothing there, quick stop nearby where we rendezvous with Gianni. Starting to feel tired now, have a few falls in the dirt skiing & having to take a few more rest stops. Camp is starting to look bigger now as we get ever closer, I'm too long in the tooth to get overexcited though, starting an excited run down from here is a recipe for crawling into base camp on your hands & knees. Eventually we cross the penetentis, hop over the stream & bound into the Grajales encampment.
Grajales has awarded us the insulated mess tent with calor gas fire, which we share with our friends Elan, Chris & Karen, along with new buddies from Chile. Pizza is served, along with a real treat, a Sprite, while we reminisce on the last 36 hours with Gianni & Mercedes, food & conversation are all good. Next we pop back to our tent to get the necessities set up for tonight & some semblance of sensibility to our packing for tomorrow.Tent made, bags packed & stowed, time to use the satellite phone I think. Up to see hippy Mike, JT has a tearful reunion with her parents, the proprietor is visibly move & suitably prepared as he reels off sheets of lavatory paper. I speak to Michaela but can not get hold of Rachael or my oldies. Eventually find Rachael but alas no connection with my long suffering parents.
We're late for dinner so head straight for the mess tent, no time for a wash, it's been a while so probably smell like a pair of badgers armpits, but what the heck only one more day. Elan has a surprise for us, he's splashed out on a box of Malbec for the tent (my guide just got me a Sprite, don't worry though I'll wring more out of him in Mendoza). Some sort of corn soup, double pork & dulce de leche desert is pretty good as the wine is flowing & everyone gets a demonstration of my summit reserved bamboo pants. Daniella comes in to collect the plates but I manage to convince her to stay a while & join us for a glass of red. I turn to Daniella & say "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this", seems this phrase is universal as she blushes & Jo punches me simultaneously. Actually have a nice chat with the camp lovely who is training to be a lawyer as the tent heating encourages us to hang around & finish the wine.
Eventually I have to evade Daniella's clutches, promising again to see her in the morning (oh how many times have I promised a girl she will see me in the morning). Teeth are cleaned by the designated rock for the last time, before stumbling into our tent also & gratefully for the last time.
Days away from work 29
Likelihood of returning to work 70%
Most likely alternative = Base camp sommelier
Days since I used a plate = 15
Distance trekked = 74km
Altitude gained = 6,962m
Wake up in the night to the sound of rain lashing against our tent, Really is blowing a gale & coming down hard out there. JT makes the excellent point that we should drag our packs into our tent flap so they're not soaking in the morning, stick my head out of the door & discover it's a blizzard rather than a rain storm outside. Drag the bags undercover, scrape off as much snow as we can, zip up the tent then get ourselves back in our bags. Lie for a while chatting, rain or snow it's quite a storm outside, continuing to lash our tent as we drift off for some more rest before morning proper. As dawn breaks & we wake, the wind has subsided, quite keen to find out what it's like outside, but surely that will wait for breakfast. Finally rouse ourselves, get some gear on & time to see what the storm has left of our camp, I imagine we are buried up to the top of our tent, with the rest of the campsite laid in ruins. In fact there's about 10cm, seems most of the noise was the wind blowing the fallen snow on our tent time & time again, apart from that everything is as it was.
It's a short jog to our new deluxe mess domo where we await excited discussions about last nights storm with our dorm mates. Meet Mercedes who is full of stories of disasters from last night. Erm, what disasters, I thought the Aconcagua expeditions could cope with a bit of snow, from stories of hellish expeditions this isn't even a minor inconvenience. No, no, I misunderstand, the disasters are out of camp, further down the valley the snow was rain & caused 16 landslides on the road between Mendoza & Los Penetentis. The news is still sinking in, this means that no one can get to the park, no climbers, no rangers, no supplies, no helicopter pilots and anyone getting out of the park has nowhere to go. The news finally sinks in, this means we could be stuck here, with no supplies, still in that bloody tent. Gianni joins us from his camp conference (that's a discussion with all the guides in the camp, not, well you know what I'm getting at). So there's three options, stay here, sleep on the floor at a full to the rafters hostel in Los Penetentis or head to Santiago Chile where the road is still open. I only hear one option as I hit him with choca cinco & exclaim road trip baby. Gianni seems pretty happy with this idea too as first he, then I hit on our other mess mates from Santiago for tips on where to go & where to stay. The affable Leon has excellent English as we then meander onto his accent (he believes he should speak English like an Englishman), museums & architecture of Santiago & London. There's one other complication, there are no mules so we'll need to pack a bit more in our packs & expect to arrive in Chile with little more than the clothes on our backs (good job I've not let our passports out of our sight all trip). Karen joins us in the domo with a long face, "have you heard the bad news" she asks, I reply hardly containing my excitement "there is no bad news Karen, only news, it's how you respond that makes it good or bad". With that we must scoff up our breakfast & get packed to bug out.
Over at the tent I send JT inside to roll up our sleeping bits while I stuff them in the remaining space in our bags. Just as we're all packed, Gianni tells us there are mules, so quick switcheroo & we're ready to pack down the tent. Gianni allows me to tackle this complex task alone, for 5 minutes before he does everything 10 times faster than me, obviously not his first rodeo. Right we're ready to go, other than a slight hitch with the camp checkout procedures, we're heading out of town just as the posse of mulas riders head into town. We make good time down the steep rocky section, then pound away into the desert. Mercedes offers us a lunch stop, we decline, preferring to continue with our good pace & progress, I think partly as we figure we don't want to get sent back to base camp. Progress slows as we reach the rivers which have expanded & the flow quickened with the snow & rain, having to inch along the loose rock that line the river banks.
Finally time for lunch as we enjoy our empanada quesos & watch the mule train gallop past us. Back on the trail, JT is starting to struggle as her toes are hurting from the constant pressure from the front of her trainers on the constant downhill push. There are a few gorges to negotiate on this next section too, but nothing is going to stop us now. The familiar drop down on to the bridge & wind up into Confluencia is finally upon us as we march (Jo limps) into town. I treat Jo to a Sprite while I bag a Diet Coke while the lovely Selina relieves me of $10. Get an update of the current situation, the officials have deemed it unsafe for any teams to be on the mountain with no support or rescue so have called everyone down to base camp. That means any team, like our Jagged friends who have been acclimatising & waiting out the bad weather at C2 or C3 will have to abandon their summit bids. This is going to wipe out days of portering gear & supplies up there & effectively rule out any hope of summitting for scores of climbers. Chat to a chap in the mess domo who has just arrived in camp, he's from BA & if I asked you to describe a chap from BA he would be exactly that, tall, unshaven, swarthy, shirt unbuttoned & sporting a neckerchief. He's quite interesting if quite intrusive in his thirst for information on the trek, which is quite understandable with the current uncertainty.
Soon it's time to move on for the last 12km, I suggest a number of options to try to relieve Jo's foot discomfort but in the end I'm obviously annoying her & just have to let her move on. Going is reasonably comfortable as we leave the final camp & continue to make decent progress. As the going gets rockier, Jo's pace slows as its agony every time she kicks any of the millions of rocks that litter the path. Finally we come to the bridge I remember from the way in, seemed like 5 mins into the park, but it's clearly not as the path continues to wind through the foothills with Jo's pace slowing as the intense pain grows. Now we're at the lake, that was surely on the edge of the park, no, still lots more to wind through. Jo is practically crawling now, glasses down even though it's dusk & buff pulled up so no one can see how much pain she's in, I know though. Finally we're at the chopper park & can see Gianni waiting at his 4x4.
Pack our bags in the back, climb in, shoes off for Jo, phone charger in for me. I've been going through scenarios for our Santiago trip in my mind along the trail. I have our passports & some cash but no cards, figure I need to get onto the bank on the way to pay the hotel directly, pick up some cash from the local el HSBC, maybe I can get one of those prepaid credit cards in Santiago, I can probably book the hotel online with the card details stored in the iPad. Think this is a pretty good example of the difference between Gianni & me, his truck is filled with axes & rope, while I yearn for a Visa card & some WiFi. Gianni announces the road is now open going North to Mendoza, I'm a bit gutted at losing the prospect of a international road trip, but given the logistics & the potential to get back to BA it's probably for the best.
There's one last faff as there there is no one in the ranger station to check us out, I'm keen to just drive off but Gianni & Mercedes are obviously keen to keep their licenses & soon enough someone drives up to stamp our permits. Next it's off to retrieve our bags, it's a short drive past Los Penetentis, which in itself is a bit of a frontier town but the mulas camp is a different world. Across a single gauge rail track from the wild west, through ram shackled tin buildings, past distant offspring of Butch Cassidy playing in the dirt, before finally arriving at the mulas coral. Our bags are lying in the dirt with dozens of others as the mule-boys sit around smoking cigarettes & sipping matte. We load up but Gianni has some extra kit as this is his last trip of the season, but once everything is strapped to the roof we're on our way.
Pit stop in Los Penetentis while Gianni seems to be in discussion with one of the other guides, eventually he sticks his head in the car, "errm, is it ok if we give a lift back to one of the guys from Joshua's team", sure we say as JT immediately shifts up to make room, she needn't have been so prompt. The guy doesn't seem to be in any rush, which is quite annoying, until we realise he doesn't have his kit so we need to wait. We wait & we wait & we wait and get more & more fed up, should have stipulated a time limit when we said ok. But what can you do, everyone looks to the Aconcagua Ace when they have a sticky problem. Eventually his bloody bags turn up & he enters the cab full of apologies (guess it's not his fault), Jo & I mumble something that may have been "that's ok", but may have been "f*ck off fatty". Right we're on the road at last, hold our breath at the police check point, but we're allowed through. Even with no traffic coming the other way it's quite hairy as the road is covered in sand, regularly with banks on the side, interspersed with giant mounds on the inside lane & the occasional giant boulder in the outside lane. Still we make it through alive with our mystery visitor who has the good grace to shut up through the journey.
As we make it through to the other side of the danger zone, Gianni is keen to keep his word of treating us to a barbecue dinner, even though it's now 11 o/c. It's not the best we've had in this land of fine meat & we are cordial to our lost luggage lacky, even though he fesses up that he brought his flight forward & actually doesn't have to be home until the 29th. Back on the road for the final leg & we finally pull into the Nutibara hotel at 2am, 18 hours, 26km walk & 182km drive from getting up this morning.
Empty Gianni's truck, haul our bags to our room, got to have our first shower in 10 days before collapsing into bed.
Days away from work 30
Likelihood of returning to work 70%
Most likely alternative = Mulas baggage handler
Days since had a shower = 0
Distance trekked = 96km
Distance travelled - 13,442km (7,258nm)
Altitude gained = 6,962m
Wake up feeling rather disoriented to the strange sounds of traffic coming from the open window, can't quite figure out why I'm not in a bag or why I can see more than 20cm above my head. stagger out of bed & surprisingly don't feel too bad. Going to the bathroom & cleaning my teeth doesn't involve getting completely dress or freezing my butt off, a very strange state of affairs. Stubble back into bed for a bit before finally rising just before 9 & stumbling downstairs for breakfast. Quiet literally in Jo's case as she attempts to recover from the horrors the mountain has inflicted on her feet, three rather black toes on each foot. Avail ourselves of the limited buffet selection, chat about our ordeal, I mean achievement, get some internet & find out what's happening in the world outside. Our hitchhiker comes up for a chat, Jo & I mumble something that may have been "good morning", but may have been "f*ck off fatty". He welcomes us as his guest at his adventure park, hmm might take him up on that if we're in the vicinity. With breakfast done we pop outside to say hello to our guide buddies, get connected & update social media with our achievements.
Speak to the lovely Paula at Audley about changing our flight & hotel for an early return to Buenos Aires, potter in the room before heading out for a browse of the town, mainly in the market for Aconcagua t-shirts, badges & map. Not an awful lot of outdoor shops considering this is the gateway to the mountain & not that much in the shops that are here. We feel they're really missing a trick with the lack of tat for the amateur climber like us. In any case it's so nice being at sea level on this balmy afternoon, must be time for a spot of lunch. Decide to try the Havanna, which, while a chain & not very exotic, is pretty simple & they have these great dolce de leche iced coffees. With that done, time to wiz back round the shops, only they're all on siesta, so head back to the hotel.
Meanwhile Paula has confirmed we're flying out tomorrow & although we can't get in the Casa Calma, we're in an equally delightful place a few doors away, thank you Paula! Little rest then the not insignificant task of sorting out our bags, the objective is to get anything we might want into one bag so we don't have to bother with the rest of the kit, even if we have to cart them round the rest of South America. This seemingly simple task actually takes quite a long time & before you know it it's time to get showered & ready for dinner with Gianni & Mercedes. Trouble is I haven't got a stitch to wear, just as well Mendoza isn't a dressy city. Pop down to reception where we bump into an 18 year old boy, turns out it is Gianni without his beard, hope my shave takes 20 years off me. Second surprise is waiting for us in the lounge, Karen has tracked us down & checked into our hotel. We invite her to dinner & the 5 of us are soon hopping down the street, well Jo & Mercedes are hopping, with their gross toes & pus filled blister respectively.
We're taken to a rather swish restaurant where Gianni promises me gin. I chat to the rather gorgeous barmaid who tells me the gin is awful & since a face like that can't lie I decide to give it a miss. Meanwhile at the table Gianni has gone for a mojito, sounds like a fine idea dear boy. Empanadas to start (Jo has withdrawal), everyone goes for steak, apart from me, I plump for the Malbec lamb, which is delightfully Malbecky & goes very nicely with the deliciously fruity Familia Cecchin Malbec wine. JT & share a dolce de leche sundae & we're done (Pete, these are all separate dishes, we didn't have an empanada, lamb & dolce de leche sundae). A delightful meal & a delightful time was had by all as we skip / hop back to the hotel.
Another full but rather more relaxing day done, we hit the hay.
Days away from work 31
Likelihood of returning to work 65%
Most likely alternative = Mendoza Aconcagua tourist tat emporium
Distance trekked = 96km
Distance travelled - 13,442km (7,258nm)
Altitude gained = 6,962m
Steaks devoured = 14
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 4
Beers downed = 3
Mojitos sipped = 2
Feel very opulent & rather lazy as we crawl out of our 3 star bed & crawl down to breakfast at the horrendously late time of 9am, for the second day in a row. Tuck into the ham & cheeses before moving onto the pastries with lashings of dolce de leche. We're joined first by Karen, then by Mercedes with news of cancelled expeditions & the Mendoza road not opening until 4:30pm yesterday, so our hiker would have missed his flight if he hadn't come with us. Chat a while, then it really is time for us to pack up our room & check out.
Back in the room the hard work is done so it's just a matter of last minute things in our mini rucksacks for the plane, cart everything downstairs before popping out to hopefully catch the shops before they go for another siesta. Pleasant walk through the park playing some rather groovy contemporary rock & onto the outdoor shop, where we bag everything we want. It's a short jog back to the hotel where we park ourselves in reception & gorge the free WiFi with social updates. We're genuinely touched by all the messages of support & congratulations, they appear to genuinely appreciate the Herculean effort it took to drag our asses up that mountain, bless them.
All of a sudden Gianni appears to once again remind us it's time to go, our car is here to take us to the airport. With everything going on we weren't sure when we would be saying goodbye to our new friends who have looked after us so carefully & passionately over the last few weeks, but this really is goodbye so queue speeches, hugs & tears as we bid a fond final farewell to the couple we will be forever indebted to & forever in our hearts. Taxi loaded, we're on our way for the 20 minute ride to whisk us back to the capital. Once there Pedro leverages our luggage out & onto Jo's waiting trolley. Pleasant & efficient checkin, still no one balks at our mountain of gear. Saunter through the rather relaxed domestic security, the man with an automatic weapon helpfully guides us through to the gates for Buenos Aires. Once seated I head off for coffee while JT works herself into an email frenzy.
Pretty much on time we're called to our flight where we ignore the queue, head for priority boarding & board momentarily. Take off is smooth & timely as I catch up on the blog while JT searches for something with topless men & is rewarded with her favourite Bear Grylls. Serving of sandwich & dolce de leche cake is the only other highlight of a smooth flight before landing back in the delightful capital. Lightning fast through to reclaim where within 5 mins all 4 bags are the first on & first off the carousel. Carlos (his real name) is waiting to greet us, load us into his van & before you can say viva la Peron we're on the Avenue 9 Julio. Amazing what these Latin chaps can do when they're not asleep. Carlos is practicing his English & takes delight in giving us a guided tour as we make the short journey to our other hotel in Suipacha street. The Alvear Art Hotel is bigger & swankier than our boutique Case Calma, distinct lack of lovlies on the front desk but after where we've been staying who in their right mind would complain. Our room is truly delightful, we circumnavigate it several times soaking in the opulence after our modest living.
JT is keen never to move again from the cosy spot she has made herself on the bed, but I tell her we must head out for an explore & I need running kit for the morning (I'm determined to make the most of this being fit & hope to not return to a whale by my return, of course 40 mins jogging will see to that). Trawl Florida street, come up with a pair of women's medium shorts but not paying full price for an official Argentina football strip. Struggle for a bit as all I can find is an extra small River Plate shirt (I may have lost weight on the mountain but XS is pushing it). JT ticks me off for assuming she knows what River Plate's shirt is, saying that as a girl I'm lucky she can recognise English teams, I conceded this point but highlight as a boy I have an obligation to recognise teams from all major footballing countries. Anyhoo, manage to get something suitable, the right size & not Boca Juniors, so JT can return to the sanctity of our hotel.
Even though we were out far longer than anticipated, there's still time for a potter & a rest as nothing is happening out there for a few hours at least. Not fancying anything too fancy, we head to our little outdoor cafe street, in fact to the same El Salmon we went for lunch on our first afternoon in Argentina. Huge plate of meats & cheeses to start followed by veal schnitzel (very German but then I hear a number of German politicians emigrated here around 1945), washed down with 3 litres of Latin lager (Pete, these are again separate dishes not meat & cheese in a beer soup). Have a nice chat & an excellent people watch. JT comments we could almost be in the Wharf sitting here, well, I add, if the Wharf was warmer & the people better looking.
Fed & tipsy we stagger back through the warm & slightly grimy Buenos Aires streets,
Days away from work 32
Likelihood of returning to work 65%
Most likely alternative = Manager of River Plate FC
Distance travelled - 13,442km (7,258nm)
Steaks devoured = 14
Gins quaffed = 9
Beers downed = 6
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 4
Mojitos sipped = 2
Happy birthday James
Wake up at 6:30, lay for a while but figure I might as well get up before the alarm & go for that run I've been so looking forward to. Pretty efficient get together & I'm soon out pounding the pavement, straight along to Paraguay Street then the long road down to the docks. Really quite busy out on a warm & pleasant Wednesday morning in the city, streets are awash with people cleaning the pavement & the air is filled with the smell of fresh bread. Now you may remember when we first explored these docks we agreed that I would run & JT would skate along this pleasant redevelopment, unfortunately we didn't find any in-line skates for Jo but I'm hopeful she will following me along with her leggings, sweatband & headphones. It is indeed a fine run but rather more work than I expected, given my endurance athletics & living on a sip of air I thought I would be gliding rather than labouring. Round the docks & back the other side before its time to cut through & up the busier streets as there's plenty of life to keep my mind off the pounds & soon enough I'm turning onto our street & approaching the hotel.
Back in the room, which is inhabited by the sounds of a snorting wildebeest, JT is still fast asleep. Strip off & into the cool shower, then it's time for a shave and it's about damn time if you ask me. I'm flailing away with the razor but it's not really doing anything, so I reach for the scissors in my Swiss Army knife, which slims it down a bit while somehow not making my face look like chopped liver. About 20 mins later I emerge from the bathroom, unfortunately not looking 20 years younger but fortunately with my face intact. Now the next sticky subject to tackle, JT & her sticky bed. It's like one of those old Solvite adverts, there's just no way to get her unstuck from the sheets. Luckily I have a jar of dolce de leche which lures her out of her Egyptian cotton prison & I can finally enjoy a real breakfast for the first time since day 2.
Dining area is really quite swish, all cool, marble & airy, I like it, as do I like the bevy of lovelies that float around filling my glass, wiping the drool from my lips & hoovering the crumbs from my lap. My favourite Bircher muesli to start, followed by the savoury course which just fills & fills on my plate as each offering tempts me more than the last. Finally the pastry course with a myriad of delights filled with dolce de leche, plus jars of the stuff on the side for good measure. Pretty much read The Times cover to cover as my thirst for outside news almost equals my hunger for fresh morning goods (Pete, please note these are separate courses, not muesli, egg & pastry mixed together in a newspaper). Right, after all this excitement best we go upstairs & get ourselves together.
Somehow manage to keep Jo from the clutches of the bed captor & we head out for the Japanese gardens. Being adventurous mammals we are using this public transport tube chappy that we find so abhorrent back home. Quite a walk up to the obelisk on Avenue 9 Julio, where we find the tube station, navigate our way to the D line platform & we're all set. Now anyone who complains about the lack of air conditioning on the London tube really should come to BA, it's genuinely hot here (not 25C & a bit muggy 3 days a year), hardly any air & getting on the carriage is like jumping into an oven tray. Still journeys smooth & 8 stops later it's time to hop off & get above ground. As every street corner in the city seems to have a 20 metre statue with some celebrated chap on a horse, it is not surprising I'm immediately distracted by some magnificent monolithic monument. I leave JT to work out directions to the park while I get a few arty snaps. Can't seem to find her when I'm done, just about to draw out some cash for the secuestro express but there she is. It's a pleasant walk down the shaded avenue with plenty of photo opportunities, before we reach the park.
It's just a few pesos to enter this garden of Asian tranquility in the middle of this bustling city. Wander through the bonsai forest & onto the wooden decking over the lake with the biggest koi carp I ever did see. The photographic possibilities are endless in this mini oasis as I snap away to my hearts content. Spend a most enjoyable couple of hours wandering around the maze of paths, littered with temples, trees & waterfalls. Quite busy here today, as all manner of tourists, local & foreign alike, strain to get themselves in every shot with their selfie-sticks. It really is busy for a Wednesday, then realise it is of course school holidays through January in this hemisphere of the world. Quick wiz round the delightful visitors centre before grabbing a iced lolly & sitting on one of the shady benches.
Time up on the Argentine-Japanese infusion as we head back across the park & up a little side street adjacent to the city zoo. Interesting to see the local apartments that overlook the enclosures, well they would if all the shutters weren't down. Soon at the tube & time for another baking back to our home district. Grab some snaps of the obelisk in the late afternoon sun before heading back to our hotel via the local Starbucko for a refreshing Frappawhoppachino. Still not cooled from our coffee empires delights we head up to the roof terrace pool for a rather more refreshing dip while marvelling at the stunning views of this vibrant city. Actually a bit chilly as we wrap up (which is nice for a change), so back down to the room to freshen up for dinner.
Making a bit of a Japanese theme for today we're out for sushi so head out in the hope of stumbling across the place we stumbled across last night. We do indeed stumble across the same raw fish emporium but there isn't a soul in the place, no one eats in this town at 8pm. No matter, it's outdoor cafe heaven just round the corner so we park ourselves there for a couple of Patagonia beers while we wait for dinner time. Back at Irifune it's still looking pretty empty but decide what the heck & dive in. Maître d' asks us if we have a reservation, erm no, he studies his book before allowing us to sit anywhere. Knowing our way round a Japanese menu we order some nigiri sushi, maki rolls, chicken yakatori & gyoza, rounded off with a decent enough house sake. It's all good as the restaurant starts to fill up as the clock ticks round to 10pm.
Stagger home once again along the broken & uneven pavements, which is all part of the run-down charm of our delightful neighbourhood. Once indoors & our teethies cleaned, JT can once again be returned to the clutches of her 1,000 thread count suitor.
Days away from work 33
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Japanese - Spanish translator
Jogging = 6km
Steaks devoured = 14
Gins quaffed = 9
Beers downed = 8
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 4
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Up for my run again this morning, this time with the aid of my 7 o/c alarm. Mixing things up a bit I head for the parks around San Martin, which is all very nice, I have lots of company as it was such a balmy evening they're full of people that have decided to sleep outdoors. Such is the Argentinian obsession with delightful city parks, I practically run from one to another for while, until I end up in the bus depot area, which is rather less delightful. The many 26 lane avenues I need to cross are not helping much either. End up back on Paraguay & head up to the hotel for a decent enough 30 min run. Meanwhile JT is again laying siege to the land of the bed, but once I'm showered & shaved there are signs of her relinquishing her empire & joining me in the new breakfast territories downstairs.
Breakfast is again delightful, my favourite breakfast lovely has learnt I require my coffee cup filling whenever it drops below half way, as per my evening gin. We sit, munch & read until out of the blue Jo announces she's not feeling well. Now Jem, just because we're not in Europe doesn't mean she has West Nile Disease & in any case by the time you read this she will probably be out of the sanatorium. So I'm left to finish my pastries & papers on my own, but what is most surprising is no BA beauty invites me back to her room, so it's back up to check on poor poorly Jo. We hang on a while to see if it all blows over, but alas there is little progress in either direction, but it's nice to just hang a while after our rather busy adventures. Hear that Rachael is "Working From Home" today as Callum has "tonsillitis", so give them a FaceTime to see their lovely faces for the first time in nearly a month. If Rachael has sent this blog to anyone at work she had housing forms everywhere & definitely didn't have Neighbours on the TV. Callum did look poorly, bless him, but obviously perked up when he saw me. Looked cold & dark in London too. Anyhoo had a lovely chat & catch up on news from home before it was time for Rach to pick up Georgia.
Early afternoon & Jo is quite insistent that I get out to stretch my legs (may have been something to do with me sitting there poking her for the last hour). Being an adventurous chap I go wild & head straight for the local Starbucks. But I can't sit here sipping lattes all day, I've got errands to run, namely Argentine power plugs & tourist tat present research, so I'm off down Florida St. Wander into Pacifico Galeria, a rather upmarket shopping mall with beautifully decorated ceilings, kinda like a junior Gum store in Moscow. I'm thinking they will have an Apple Store here, but then again I don't think I want to spend £50 on a plug with two wonky pins, but then there isn't so I needn't have worried. Pleasant mooch over, I leave empty handed. Pop into a few other malls & potential electrical outlets but still empty handed, until I change tack & head into a tacky phone cover stall & hey presto I leave armed with a new Argie plug & an adapter plug for my temperamental Blackberry. Wander back while browsing the tat stores (sorry researching exclusive presents) & reward myself with another coffely waffley before returning to see how poorly Jo is.
Back in the room I hear that JT has been filling up the bathroom sink, then poking the bigger bits down the plug hole, guess she won't be wanting that dolce de leche latte I got her. (No Jemma, she doesn't have Ebola). Spend the rest of the afternoon pandering to JT (not that she really wants anything) & pottering around the room.
Come the evening, JT is still no better so she magnanimously suggests I go out on my own this evening. I'm really not sure I should but I since I've been practicing the tango in the bathroom, just ironed my tango suit, laced up my spats & dabbed horn scent behind my ears, I guess I might as well. Kiss poorly Jo on the head & strut down Paraguay, da-da-da-da, day-dah--dah--dah. Down on Calle Reconquista, I have a choice play it safe with one of the more tourist places, maybe the rather safe looking Melia hotel pavement seating, or throw myself in to one of the local pits of liveliness, which is of course what I decide to do. Grab a couple of beers while I gorge on people watching, order a second rate steak & a few more beers, a very pleasant date with myself (I believe they call it masturdating these days). Unbelievably none of the gorgeous Argentinian women out this evening offer to take me home. Stagger back through my familiar local backstreets where the poor sift through the rubbish dumpsters, separating recycling for cash & the local working girl hangs out on the corner of Suipacha & Paraguay. Grab a Kahlua & coffee on the way home, then a quick stop in the 25 Hours convenience store for a selection of snacks for JT.
Jo is still alive & conscious when I return so I remedy her dormant Zirka virus with a nice cuppa & a marshmallow wafer before tucking her in for night nights & hope she will be all better in the morning.
Days away from work 34
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Buenos Aires Giggalo
Jogging = 10km
Steaks devoured = 15
Beers downed = 11
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 4
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Alarm goes off at 7am & time for my morning run, but first (for Jem's benefit) I must check on poor poorly Jo, nope she doesn't have an abnormally small head & as far as I can tell she hasn't vomitted up a lung in the night. In fact as I kiss her on the forehead, she's feeling rather normal. Head out & back on my safe route round the docks, which is pleasant, a little cooler today & a few spots of rain. Local stray takes a shine to me & runs along with me for a while until I get back into the city streets. Back in the room & JT is sitting up in bed & looking reasonably perky. Quick shower & Jo is feeling well enough to accompany me down to breakfast.
Breakfast is as alway delightful, well it is for me as I avail myself of all the delights, Jo sensibly sticks to toast for today. Back up in the room we're eager to get out & visit the acclaimed fine arts gallery (Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes), trouble is it doesn't open until 12:30 & it's raining, so decide to have a bit of a rest until it clears. Rested, we grab a cab (as recommended by our breakfast lovely) & momentarily we are outside the museum for the princely sum of £2.50.
Very attractive building, as they are here, with a airy modern interior, free to enter too. Enjoy a delightful couple of hours exploring the artwork, mostly paintings but some sculptures & some interesting collections as well. Mostly Argentinean & South American artists but some European, particularly the Impressionists, albeit their lesser works. Quite refreshing not being able to read the details & background, much easier to concentrate on the artwork itself, although a little confusing at times. Not sure if the curator is going for creative juxtaposition between artworks or he was just a bit drunk. Wander out of the gallery with our brows just slightly higher than going in, but it is still raining, so sit on the steps while we ponder our next move. A rather eccentric (who am I to judge) chap bounds up, sees the Manet sign outside & bellows with excitement, then squeals with delight when I tell him they also have Degas & Toulouse Lautrec. Just as we're seeking inspiration, a lovely gives us a leaflet for a cafe across the park, so that's where we head.
Manage to stay mainly dry hiding under the abundance of trees, through a rather strange homeware mall & up to the covered outdoor cafes. Don't tell the lovely, but we couldn't find hers so grabbed a table at a nice restaurant bar. I have a beer & a Caesar salad (not in the same glass Pete), JT moves up to an apple pie & Sprite (which is also served separately). Head out via some excellent Buenos Aires present shopping.
It's a short walk in between showers to the Recoleta cemetery, the final resting place of Eva Peron. Well Evita & about 4,800 other families all crammed in to 4 city blocks. There's just a glimpse of this as you walk round the high wall, tops of crosses & tips of angel wings, but once you enter the rather unassuming gates you are immediately struck by the beauty & intensity of the place. It is arranged by streets & avenues, all tightly packed with mausoleums, some crumbling, some solemn marble, some giant coffin apartments adorned with statues of Christ & topped with angels reaching for the sky as the super rich of Buenos Aires attempt to buy their way into heaven. One's fascination with this place strangely doesn't feel macabre, there's a sense of detachment between the raison d'etre for this place & the artwork it generates. There are no signs, the guidebook just tells you to follow the crowds to Evita's tomb, but we have been so fortunate to time our entrance with the first break in the weather all day, there is hardly a soul to share the graveyard with on this now balmy & bright Recoleta afternoon. Head back to the gate, find the map for Duarte, which we follow to find the mausoleum most touristas are searching for. Being Evita's family (rather than the Presidential) it is rather modest but also less ostentatious than it could have otherwise been. We hang around to just about closing time at 5:30, then hail a cab back home.
Very much time for a rest when we get back to the hotel, which we do while oooing & aaahing at the wonderful photographs we have bagged today. Quick shower & change before heading out into the late BA evening. Pizza tonight as Jo thinks it best not to force 10kgs of meat into her recovering stomach, find a nice little place called Filo that comes highly recommended in the book & just a few streets away. Get seated, beered & order one of our favourite antipasti starters, which are always so huge here they make the main course superfluous. Pizza dinner is good, if very cheesy & more than we can manage. Still JT comes through unscathed & now having had two of her favourite food groups, beer & pizza, we can report back to Jemma that she is out of the danger zone. Fuelled by several beers myself I can not resist the urge to molest the model at front of house bending over in her underwear. With that it's time once again to stagger our usual path back to our familiar home from home.
Teeth cleaned we watch Star Trek in bed before we both lapse into a drunken coma for the night.
Days away from work 35
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Art critic
Jogging = 16km
Steaks devoured = 15
Beers downed = 15
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 4
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
7am alarm, hop into my running gear, skip downstairs & jog round to the docks. Warmer this morning, sunny too as yesterday's rain clears into another beautiful Buenos Aires summers day. My doggy friend finds me again as I take a lap of the docks before heading back into the busy streets, along Suipacha & into the hotel. Shower, shave & collect of JT as we head down to breakfast. Jo's powers restored she slays another fine Alvear Hotel breakfast. Quite tiring this breakfast malarkey so head back upstairs for a little rest.
Hungry for more culture we're heading for Museo de Arte Latinoamericano de Buenos Aires (or MALBA for short), but not just yet as its not open. Time to check on young Mr Flory, via the medium of FaceTime. Adam is joined on the sofa by the lovely Vanessa on what looks to be a chilly New York morning. These northern hemisphere people really should emigrate south for the winter like us. Tales of the mountain & many congratulations gratefully received it is time for Adam's run & our trip to the MALBA.
Hail a cab outside, short trip to the museum where the meter-less driver tries to rip us off by charging 200 pesos, which is 4 times the price of the cab ride yesterday, Jo gives him short shrift. The MALBA is a delightful new glass building offering oodles of light, highlighting stunning views out to the city & inside of the fine architecture. The ground floor is dedicated to post impressionists & surrealists, some we like, some we appreciate the artistic merits, some we just scratch our heads. The first floor is dedicated to some chap called Ayer, who I may do a disservice to as I can not read the translation of his work, but seems to me a complete looney who tries to arrange boats across waterways, with limited success. Ho hum, just time to check out the giant egg & thinly disguised porn in the basement before our little brains can not consume any more culture.
Nothing else planned for our outing so have a wander through the parks & along the avenues soaking in the architecture of the embassies we pass. Grab a cab back to our district where we pop into the Pacifico Galeria so Jo can glimpse their ornate ceiling but has no interest in their fashion shops. Back down Florida St to pick out some more souvenirs for our lucky family & friends, find a likely place & purchase a fine selection of Argentinean treats. Home via el Starbucks where we enjoy a tasty coffee based beverage before cooling off & pottering.
Little hand winds round to 8pm & time to join the beautiful people of Buenos Aires for a Saturday night on the town. Head out to Calle Reconquista which has been the hub of our districts nightlife all week, heaven knows what it's going to be like at the weekend. The answer is completely & inexplicably dead. Jo puts it down to everyone being in mass, I'm not so sure but don't have a credible alternative. In any case, we have plans for Al Carbon, a fine looking steak establishment we had to put on hold due to JTs tummy-gate. Greeted by the jaw dropping front of house lovely, we're shown to our table, glance at the menu before announcing giant steak & bottle of Malbec please. Steaks are good & rare, as is the fine wine recommended on the menu. We complete the Argentinean food groups by sharing a dolce de leche cheesecake for afters. Waiter presents us with a complementary bottle of Malbec with la cuenta, which is an unexpected bonus, maybe we'll have it on the way home.
Stagger home only a little tipsy as we forgot to snaffle a corkscrew on our way out. Still quiet on the streets, must be a blooming long mass, maybe they serve Malbec in the communion wine. Stumble into our room where our clothes fall off & the bed envelopes us.
Days away from work 36
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Food critic
Jogging = 21km
Steaks devoured = 17
Beers downed = 16
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 5
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
No run today as we have a tour booked & need to use our morning time wisely, namely enjoying breakfast. Breakfast enjoyed, with time to spare we're back up to the room for a pre-tour rest, check the itinerary & we're not being picked up till 10, bonus rest. Wander down just before & momentarily our guide arrives, introducing herself as Rossario, she is bubbly & chatty, our driver is Alfonso, very smart but ginger. Now I believe one of the reasons for the attractiveness of the Argentineans is the elimination of this regressive gene, I guess they missed one.
Anyhoo, we're soon on our way, brilliant timing to arrange on Sunday as the normally busy (but not grinding) city traffic is quiet as quiet can be this morning. Start with the Plaza de Mayo, the birthplace of the revolution for independence from Spain (26 May 1810). There were a few signs of protest when we first came on our first day in BA, but now the whole square is awash with flags, posters, protesters, drums, speeches & market stalls. So I might not have been given an unbiased account, in summary they're supporting a political activist in jail for leading violet protests & embezzling party funds and for equal pension for soldiers that didn't fight in the Falklands war. I resist the urge to comment further. From here we head to the church which is as ornate & laid with gold as you would expect. Here is the final resting place of San Martin, not content with leading Argentina to freedom, he crossed the Andes to liberate Peru & Bolivia from their colonial oppressors. Bet the Spanish were sick of the sight of him. Quick drive up to the parliament building, which we only glimpse from the car, but it is stunning.
Next stop is the Sunday markets in San Telmo, a bustling district of antique shops that comes alive one day a week. There's so much to see & take in but seems we're only here to look, probably just as well as its the sort of place you could loose a whole day in. Rossario keeps us going round & entertained with background & history before meeting Alfonso & his waiting Peugeot at the other end of the street.
The district of Boca is next on our list, home of brightly painted ram shackled houses of the working class & Boca Juniors football club. While it is difficult to break through the facade for the tourist, there's a real vibrant culture here. We scratch the surface with a walk through the market dominated by football merchandise, effigies of local heroes Maradona & Teves and offers of tango photos with ageing dancers. We resist pretty much all these, settle for some great photos & return to the cafe for an empanada & espresso for JT & me respectively.
Rossario rounds us up & we speed off to our next destination, Puerto Madero, which is my running route. We have a pleasant walk along with our guide, exchanging information as we tell her about the statue of Anne Frank, which is surprisingly placed next to the spanking new cantilever bridge. We've obviously gained Rossario's trust as she leaves us to our own recognisance at a dock side restaurant. We're not that hungry but figure our hosts could do with a break & there's worse things to do than sit & eat at the waterfront on another deliciously warm BA afternoon. I squeeze in a healthy salad, Jo joins me in the less healthy offerings of beer & ice cream. Rossario rumbles us tucking into our frozen dolce de leche delights & herds us back into Alfonso's waiting vehicle.
Recoleta cemetery is next on our list, we haven't the heart to tell Rossario we've already spent 2 hours there & in any case we want to hear the background too. Obviously not her first rodeo, Rossario takes us strait to Evita's tomb & tells us about how her body was taken during the period of military rule & buried in Milan, before finally being returned years later. Some more interesting stories but as ever Rossario is efficient with our time & we head out once we have consumed the highlights. Right that's it, a very nice guided tour of the city, all the highlights, nothing over done or belaboured & we'll be back in the hotel in time for our pre dinner rest.
Sufficiently rested I talk JT into heading back to San Telmo for the passion & romance of the Milonga. Milonga are outdoor tango clubs where the proficient go to show off their skills & mingle with other partners, so we get dressed up & head into the night. Wander through the streets, past closing market stalls & find the party is just getting going in the local square. There's plenty of interest, some tourists, but mainly locals as crowds gather for the infectious music & mesmerising dance. Now I must admit to harbouring a little dream of turning up, smiling & raising an eyebrow to a stunning stranger before proving myself to be a tango natural wonder (unfortunately I always woke up before she took me back to her place). Fortunately though, a sense of reality takes over & I just watch the lovelies wiz round the dance floor rather than crippling them with my size 9s. There's a break in proceedings so grab a table at one of the street side cafes to watch the rest of tonight's performance. It really is a social affair with partners regularly exchanged (sounds like a night at the Malsters), young & old, men & men, girls with girls (steady Craig). Beers & dinner are all good too, another antipasti platter bites the dust & another mains goes unfinished. Time for one last survey of the dancing delights as the crowd starts to thin as the evening wears on.
Time for a taxi home & for us to, Salsa upstairs, Paso Doble into our jammies & tango into bed. Now where was I with that dream.
Days away from work 37
Most likely alternative = Professional Tango dancer
Jogging = 21km
Beers downed = 19
Steaks devoured = 17
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 5
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Up at 7, no run again today, we're off to a Gaucho ranch, but first breakfast. While the Alvear fayre is fine & always excellent quality, it is a bit samey so we decide to mix it up with eggs to order, omelette for JT, Benedict for me. Rounded off with a selection of fine pastries we are all set for our road trip to the pampas. Back up to the room to get our bits together then downstairs to meet the waiting Santiago, our guide & driver for today.
Loaded up in his saloon we head out of the city, onto the motorway & out of town for the first time in 5 days. Views are interesting at first as the urban sprawl slowly gives way to rural landscape, but after 45 minutes or so we start to nod off. Last toll announces Santiago before filling up with natural gas & taking us to our first stop, the Ricardo Güiraldes museum. Ricardo wrote the famous account of the life of a Gaucho "Don Segundo Sombra" which Santiago reliably informs us they all had to read at school. A quaint & quite interesting little tour, about 20 mins which is about right. From here we head into the town of San Antonio, which has a traditional but clean & modern feel. Park up at the town square, visit the church, wander through the park, pop into a few shops, but not as many as our guide would like to drag us into. Feel quite awkward when he makes a lady open up just for us but it is a delightful shop full of good quality authentic good, engraved Gaucho knives, steak knife sets, hats, bags, leather goods & silver works, a far cry from the tourist stuff down Florida St. In the end I give in & get myself a money clip (always wanted one of those), only "alpaca" metal but I like it. We draw the line at being dragged into the chocolate shop & we're finally on our way to the ranch.
Now JT & I didn't really speak about our expectations of the ranch but we're both thinking this would be a rather no nonsense, pretty basic, working cattle ranch. So we are both rather surprised as we draw into the tree lined avenue, past the main house & led to the wine & empanada reception. While surprised, we're not ones to be rude, so of course indulge in plenty of both. Just time for a tour of the grounds by the delightful hostess, who may have been called Maria. We get a tour of the house, grounds & fowl enclosure inhabited by some rather strange ducks & what looks like a little emu. I greet the emu like a long lost okka brother, Maria wonders why I'm speaking like this, apparently he's not an emu, then the little bugger bites me. Tour over its time for lunch.
Wander over to the shady trees where the dinner tables are assembled. There's a big group of Mexicans in front, a small French contingent behind, we're joined by an odd couple that don't say anything & a charming little family from Leipzig. Chat to our new Germanic buddies about our respective travels, they make our sabbatical look like a long weekend as they start in South Africa, a month in Brazil, a few days on the ranch then on to BA for 3 weeks. Meanwhile we are force fed meat as the Argentinean barbecue consists of throwing a farm onto the grill & pretty much serving everything that comes out, chickens, pigs & anything remotely edible from a cow. Wash it down with a pretty decent Malbec. Now what was it we were thinking about roughing it on a working farm today?
While recovering from lunch we're herded round to watch some horse play. A big guy with a big horse & a little fella with a little Shetland pony type creature trot up. Big fella does some tricks like standing up on the horse, which are all pretty impressive. Next bit is rather strange, to me at least, Jo says it's a supreme example of horsemanship & trust between horse & master, to me it looks more like horse molesting. He has the thing laying down, tucks himself under the fetlocks, over on the horses back, standing on its chest, splaying it's legs akimbo. Don't even get me started on what the other chap was doing with the poor little pony. Finally we get to see some proper horse stuff, Gauchos riding up & down really fast, trying to catch things. One Gaucho hangs his ring in the air while another gallops along erect in the saddle, aiming his sword at the ring, if he penetrates it, he gets to keep the ring. JT is the lucky recipient of one of the Gaucho's rings, not sure if that means they're engaged or something.
Finally it's our turn as we are led to the coral to select our horses. JT is handed the reigns to Rossario, I'm led to the fine steed called Dobbin who has a quaint neigh that goes something like "hee haw". Soon we're off with our fine equestrian beasts to survey the ranch, breaking into a canter as we round the final bend & they can see home. Not exactly re-enacting the Wild West but fun all the same. Things immediately return to the more civilised side of this ponderosa as afternoon tea is served. Filled with more cake & juice it's finally time to hit the trail in Santiago's gas powered vehicle. We have a rather more attractive hitch hiker this time, a French backpacker girl, who doesn't have 10 bags 50km away at the mulas park. While away the journey home by playing charades on the iPod & about 7pm we're turning into the hotel. Santiago drops Frenchie off here too, briefly consider inviting her upstairs for a ménage à trois, but nah.
I fear we may have missed JTs late afternoon siesta, we may also be too full of farm animals to even attempt dinner. I do fancy popping out for a drink & probably best to have something to eat before it gets too late, problem is Jo has snuck into bed. Having spent years trying to get women into bed, I've now got to work out how to get them out of it. I offer to buy her a drink if she gets up, so I guess that line works both ways. Head down to our favourite outdoor cafe street, Reconquista, which while not thumping is at least more lively than Saturday night. End up in our favourite El Salmon for a few beers & a plate of their calamari, not as good as their fresher lunchtime offering but is just what we fancy after a big day out & a big midday meal.
Conversation & entertainment from street vendors exhausted its time to call it a night & stagger drunkenly back to our favourite Argentine abode.
Days away from work 38
Most likely alternative = Gaucho
Jogging = 21km
Beers downed = 22
Steaks devoured = 19
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 6
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
No tour today, so no excuse to not go for a run, actually I have quite missed the exercise as well as the sights & sounds of early morning Buenos Aires. Looking at the map, the nature reserve is just past the docks on my usual run so decide to keep on going. Looked like there were paths leading right into the reserve, I just find the promenade but it's all very nice, cafes just being set up & the bright sun low in the sky reflects & refracts on the green waterways. So nice it is that I extend my run to 50 mins today, most enjoyable. Shower, dress, pick up of JT & down to breakfast. Usual delightful breakfast as I catch up on the news, which continues to focus on David Cameron's stuttering attempts at Euro reform & the slow burn on the US elections.
Suggest to Jo that rather than having a post breakfast rest, we head straight out & have a really good rest when we get in. She's keen but we still potter an hour or so away, including making an appointment at the dentist, that's not really pottering. Having said all that it's not as though we have a full itinerary, we're heading up to the parliament building we got a glimpse of on our tour, then taking it from there. We could get a cab or the tube, but decide to walk & soak up the rest of BA on our last full day. Walk along 9 July where there's always something going on, today it sounds like gunfire, but can't be as the locals don't bat an eye. Work out its coming from a large demonstration rolling down the street, but surely it can't be gunfire, whatever it is the locals don't seem to care. Carry on until the revolutionary avenues meet at Ave de Mayo. Everywhere you turn in this wonderful city there's stunning architecture, I guess this is what Europe would look like if it wasn't for the war. Anyhoo, it's not far to the parliament which is perfectly aligned with the avenue & the sequence of fountains, statues, pillars & domes. Gorged on views & photos we head back in balmy midday BA.
Now I'm a bit worried with my camera battery strategy, which is to bring lots of spares but not bother with a charger. Makes sense for the mountain & as neither camera charges through USB it's one less gadget to cart around. Trouble is the spares are dwindling & we have the Falls, Amazon & Rio to go. Decide to see if we can find a charger on the way home, which we do in a lovely little camera shop. Need to double back to get both battery sizes covered but it's not far from the hotel. Feel much more settled.
A final peruse of Florida St on our way home. Stumble into a mall which has a much better selection of tourist fayre than the main strip, nice browse & fulfil our present obligations. Rather warm as we arrive back in the hotel so waste no time in heading straight up to the rooftop pool. Quite busy up there, it's only a small pool, few round the side & the octogenarian water aerobics class of one is in full swing. Have a swim, relax & cool off, then all of a sudden we're on our own, I point out the no heavy petting signs to Jo & she behaves herself. With the temperature cooling down in the early evening, it's time to get washed & glammed up for our last night blow out.
Head out just after 8 o/c for our second visit to Al Carbon, but such is our indoctrination to BA nightlight we can't possibly contemplate having dinner at this early hour so grab a dink outside the pub next door. Beers downed we head in, ogle the front of house totty & are shown to our table. Order our steaks, tenderloins for JT & skirt steak special for moi, both bloody rare & very good, washed down with, you guessed it, another bottle of Malbec. Everything is so good I have to share on social media, Robin comes back straight away with rave reviews. Meanwhile JT has gorged herself silly on meat (what else is new), says she can't get another portion in her (but we've all seen those videos on the internet), she's also rather squiffy. Desert is not even a consideration & fortunately there's no free bottle tonight, otherwise we could be in big trouble.
Staggering home late has been a theme of our stay in BA (making up for going to bed at 7pm with a cup of tea on the mountain), but tonight we excel ourselves. It's already quite late when we start off but given the staggering & meandering takes us 3 times as long as normal. Bumble into our room, fall into bed, glad we have plenty of time to pack in the morning. Watch a bit of American Pie 2 before lapsing into a drunken coma.
Days away from work 39
Most likely alternative = Drunk
Jogging = 30km
Beers downed = 24
Steaks devoured = 21
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 7
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Up at 7, down to breakfast to enjoy the last of the Alvear breakfast selection & say our goodbyes to their selection of breakfast lovelies that have looked after us. Back up to the room & time to get packing. Can't quite get our heads round how everything that came out of our main holiday bag won't go back in, but no matter, we're not short of luggage so spread the load between the Mountain Hardwear & the Osprey. Right all packed, time for a bit of a rest before wandering downstairs for checkout. As usual we have lost the baggage receipt for our stored luggage, have a bit of a faff with the retrieval before one of the chaps comes up & tells us he's already loaded everything into our car. With that we're whisked outside to our waiting vehicle & on our way to Jorge Newberry airport.
15 minutes later we're at the checkin desk with the nice chap from LAN scratching his head at our mountain of luggage. Jo flutters her eyes at him, he says he'll see what he can do. Best he can do is to trim the excess charges down to £15, we'll take that. Pop up through the very laid back security & into the shops. I quite fancy something Argentinean, but seems everything is either gaudy, English or both. Find a nice smart casual shirt, which will give me a variation to the two I've been rotating to wear out in the evening. With that excitement over its time to wait at the gate. Flight called on time & we avoid the queues with our preferential boarding thanks to LAN being part of OneWorld (didn't even have to ask for it). Jump on the bus, first onboard & nicely settled. The rest of the passengers are much slower, so slow in fact we miss our take off slot so bit of a delay, but not too long.
Soon up, up in the air for the rather bumpy but reasonably pleasant flight to Iguazu. Spend our time blogging & reading, occasionally glance up at the TV playing one of those silent You've Been Framed type shows. Land & wiz through to baggage where I bag a spot at the front of the carousel, foreigners crowd round ready to be skittled as I swing our mountain gear around. All luggage present & correct we head out to the waiting Eduardo (his real name). Eduardo somehow manages to squeeze all our gear into the Tardis-like like boot of his compact Chevrolet & we're on our way to the jungle.
Pull into the Loi Suites just as the heavens open. Checked in we're shown to our room which is out of main reception, cross two suspension bridges over the forest & into our home for the next few days. View out of the window is quite dramatic as the rain lashes the jungle canopy. Not worth unpacking, just grab a few things out of our bag & head for a coffee & an explore. Not much to see, especially in the torrential rain, pool looks nice, kinda three separate pools, tiled & sort of blends in with the environment. Time to head back to the room for a rest & a potter.
Plump for the bar for dinner this evening, but I'm not allowed to wear my new shirt until it's ironed. Umbrellas are handily located at the start of each bridge which actually get quite a swing on if you try hard enough. Get seated in the covered outdoor area with the rain still lashing down outside. Grab a couple of beers & a couple of hamburguesas as we chat & watch the rain come down.
Stagger back along the bridges, into our jammies & into bed.
Days away from work 40
Most likely alternative = Mountain gear transporter
Distance travelled - 14,838km (7,311nm)
Days since I had a gin = 25
Jogging = 30km
Beers downed = 26
Steaks devoured = 21
Gins quaffed = 9
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 7
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Up at 6am for our early start, part of Eduardo's plan to beat the crowds. Get our waterproofs, swimmies (mine for both of us), camera gear & assorted accessories together, then head to breakfast. Restaurant is quite busy, seems Eduardo may not be the only one with bright ideas of early starts. Buffet is acceptable without being exceptional, wolf down a few courses & head to reception to meet our guide.
Loaded up in Eduardo's Chevy we're soon on our way to the park. Car parked & tickets in hand Eddy is on a mission and we trot to keep up, seems the train is ready for departure & packed in like little tourist sardines. Manage to squeeze on with the Japanese contingent (just as well Scott Jeffrey isn't with us). Bit of a wait, then it's a bit of a journey, not the most interesting when you can only see the edge of the jungle. Jump off & we're trotting again to stay ahead of the hordes. Extensive array of walkways as we meander through the meandering river. Ed gives us some interesting details on the way, like the average flow is 2.5 million litres of water per second, but we're on a heavy flow day, 4.5 million litres. When the area floods the water can rise above the trees, 4 metres above us & once swept away all the walkways. Meanwhile we're still trotting & I must say I'm not really sure what to expect, I mean I know they're waterfalls but not sure what part we're going to see. As we approach all we can see is mist rising above the trees & the sound of rushing water that continues to rise to a crescendo as we arrive in a great cloud of spray. Eddy baby leaves us here as this is not his first rodeo & has no intention of getting soaked.
We don our rain jackets & head for the edge to get our first glimpse of The Devil's Throat. We are right on top of the pinnacle of the falls, the giant horseshoe in the middle of the river that just drops 100 metres, draining a torrent of water at once. Pretty difficult to imagine what 4.5 mn litres per second looks like, I guess this is it. Walls of water on the three sides of the canyon, awe inspiring as you look at the totality of the falls, water & mist everywhere, intricate when you start to see all the details carved into rock, vegetation growing right up to the edge, even quite mesmerising as you stare more intensely to see the raw power of that much water falling at once. It truly is an orgy of camera work too, firing off shots on the SLR, constantly changing settings to cope with the conditions, my fingers slipping off the wet casing, JT busying herself with shots & video on the PowerShot, then pop out the GoPro, well might as well as I had to wrestle it from Matt, Nick, Meredith, Adam & his dad! GoPro is attached to the looky-looky stick & stuck over the edge to capture dramatic action in, over & down the falls.
So there's another 2 levels to capture this natural wonder in all its wonder, hope we have the energy to keep up with Eduardo & enough space on our memory cards. We started at the top, which while stunning, is difficult to get a sense of perspective, in fact there's so much spray it's difficult to see anything at times. On the next level you start to get a sense of the magnitude of the whole falls, both in number & depth. There are 127 in total stretching round in a giant upside down U, The Devil's Throat being at the top, by far the biggest & most difficult to see. The rest flank the cloud of spray that rises up from the river up to the sky. The dozen or so other major falls are impressive too, cascading down 2 or even 3 stories before draining into the river below. In the middle is San Martin (yes the scourge of the Spanish) island that the falls above rain down on & drain into its own falls.
Third level offers yet more perspective of depth & expanse, which immerses us, quite literally. Head for the viewing platform at the very base of one of the falls. The noise is deafening, the force nearly knocks you off your feet & the spray literally drenches you, but it is a wonderful experience. Since we're wet, might as well get wet, wet, so sign up for a boat ride into the falls. Life jacket on, get seated at the front & soon we're away. Skirt around the edge for a bit, park up so all the vacuous sorts can pose on the front of the boat for their selfies. Finally the captain guns the engines to send us in while the surge of water gushes out. It's great fun & get some great shots on the GoPro hung over the side on its looky mount. Sail back down river completely soaked to the skin. Docked, trot up the path, jump in the truck, have a little doze as el Dorisina points out flora on the way before being finally reunited with our old pal Eddy. That completes our tour for today as we dry off on the walk back to the car.
Eduardo drops us off back at Loi Suites where it's a quick dump in the room before heading for the pool bar to review the orgy of photos. Help ourselves to a couple of beers & our staple antipasti snack. Pictures are fantastic but can not convey all we saw, although we were unable to download the GoPro as I rather ambitiously recorded in 1080p at 120fps. Gorged on photos & food we retire to the sun loungers by the pool. After waiting the prerequisite 1 hour after eating we jump in the pool, well I jump in, JT gingerly hangs round the edge before eventually easing in. Very pleasant once you're in & cooling in the strong afternoon sun. Hop out for a dry off & before you know it its 7:00, time to be heading back to freshen up.
We're going to try the restaurant tonight so amble down only to find it full to the rafters, mainly with old French people, would explain the smell of garlic & slightly soiled underwear. Speak to the lovely who tells us they're just gumming their desert so we head down for a drink. Survey the bar to find they have Bombay Sapphire, not one of my favourites but a very respectable gin nonetheless. Jo fancies a pinocolada as their drink of the day is pineapple, that it may be but they're out of rum. Rightyho bartender, how about something else with pineapple, he just shakes his head, c'mon I say, pineapple is the drink of the day. Bartender fetches his pineapple gives it a slap & declares its not working. Not sure if the pineapple is on strike or he just can't figure out how to get into it. Okey dokey then, how about a pisco sour, he sets to work. JT is disappointed at missing out on her (& Del Boy's) favourite cocktail but is quite partial to a pisco sour. While my gin has all the right ingredients, generous measure, lots of ice, lime, Schweppes tonic, it just doesn't taste right, I am rather disappointed.
Anyhoo, time to check upstairs & are please to establish the decrepit froggies have been wheeled out on their snail shaped commodes. Get seated outside (while the smell clears) in this balmy sub tropical evening. Now we have heard there's a couple travelling round Argentina rapidly consuming the country's reserves of steak & Malbec so figure we better get in before they run out. They have a rather nice selection of deserts so just order the medallions, not realising that medallion in Argentina means kilo as several kilos of very recently deceased bovine is presented to us. Jo wins her bout of bird vs food devouring every last mouthful, I am seriously struggling. Think about
Jon in the Yukon Ultra exclaims JT, he's probably having to eat husky now! I do my best but I can't match Jo's propensity for gobbling dripping meat.
Last of the Malbec drained, I drag JT back through the jungle, wipe the blood from her chops & tuck her up for beddybyes.
Days away from work 41
Most likely alternative = Iguazu falls lifeguard
Days since I had a decent gin = 29
Jogging = 30km
Beers downed = 28
Steaks devoured = 23
Gins quaffed = 10
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Up at 6 again, while Eduardo has allowed us an extra 30 mins, we would rather spend it enjoying breakfast rather than languishing in bed. More leisurely if not particularly fancy breakfast as we catch up on news of the world. Eduardo has gone up in the world as he has a driver, Fredricco, for our road trip across the boarder. While not included in our itinerary, we've read the views are even more dramatic from the Brasil side, so arranged the tour with Ed yesterday (we're having trouble picturing more dramatic than yesterday, but looking forward to it).
It's a short drive to the bridge that forms the border, exiting Argentina & clearing customs in Brasil, all pretty seamless as our man Edd takes care of everything while we chill in the back of the
Chevy. First stop is the helipad as we've decided to go all out & see the falls from the air. Wait about 20 mins then we're called up into the smaller 4 person chopper, which we prefer. Watch the incoming touch down before hopping in & we're soon up in the air. Follow the river up to the falls, where you can at last see the full extent & layout. The Iguacu river is wide at this point with the falls located near the centre draining a deluge of water into the chasm below. The water looks so calm at this point there is no indication of the chaos that lies ahead. One could imagine happily drifting for Kms down the river suddenly to be faced with impending doom. We circle a few times firing off more stills & video than we will ever be able to watch but what the heck. Mist & spray rises up through the trees like the river is on fire making our myriad of photos ever more dramatic. Would have liked to stay longer & fly lower but was a great little trip & well worth the $100. Rotary pilot keeps the flight straight & level, think he's done this once or twice before but good work nonetheless. Eddy welcomes us back on terra firma with open arms & we're soon on our way to the Brasil park entrance.
Views are indeed more all encompassing this side as you can see the complete picture of the falls. While slightly further away, most of the falls are on the Argentine side, there are still plenty of opportunities to get up close & personal with the mighty walls of water. Eduardo sends us out onto the viewing platform that leads right out to the edge of one of the aqua monsters, flanked by the base of a number of others. Blown around & drenched on the way out we perch on the edge & soak in more views. I attach the PowerShot to the looky-looky pole & gingerly poke it out towards the crushing torrent of water below us but don't have the nerve to push as far as the hardy GoPro. Return alive to our guide, we're guided up to the elevated viewing platforms. First is one that brings you within a metre of a wall of water falling in front of us & 50 metres below. Finally we're led past the lift queue for lazies, up the steps to the platform above the whole complex of falls. This again is stunning, offering yet more perspectives on this wonder that is so well constructed on both sides to provide every view imaginable. Handily, Fredricco has driven the Chevy to the Levy so we can jump straight in & be whisked off.
So I realised there was a discrepancy between itineraries for our flight tomorrow, I have an electronic version from the agent that agrees to Ed's records but my printed itinerary has different flights so we head to the airport to check. The checkin machine doesn't like any of the details we enter so head to the Azul airlines counter, Eduardo summons a chap, they have a lengthy chat in foreign, I catch him confirming our names & Eddy tells me we're all confirmed as per his details put in front of Azul. While it would be good to have our boarding passes we have two sets of information confirmed directly with the airline so I'm pretty happy. 30 mins or so later we've past two sets of boarders without leaving the car & are back in the comfort of our Loi Suites. Same routine as yesterday, down to the pool, consume photos, beer & bar snacks. Much warmer today so blatantly ignore the 1 hour rule & jump in the pool. Cooled off we lay in the dappled sun to dry off & rest from the rigours of the day. Sufficiently dried to handle electronic devices, I find I have lovely emails from Adam & Steve, with tales of life at work, home & their respective travels. Must get round to speaking to work myself but it's late in London now, maybe on Monday from the Amazon. It's getting relatively late here & I'm forced to stir JT from her slumber so we can get ourselves cleaned up for dinner & pack ready for our early start tomorrow.
Squeaky clean & relatively glammed up we head to the restaurant, which is devoid of French, well big parties of old ones anyway. Snaffle our favourite outdoor table where Jo, astonishingly, informs me she can not handle any more meat (first time for everything) or any more wine. So beer & fish for us this evening, couple of their fine Quilmers & the local river dwelling Sarubi are served up, along with a some rather delicious spinach & couscous. As usual the Argentine portions are huge so we will leave this place without sampling their puds.
Trott back along their network of bridges, clean toothy pegs, set the alarm for an un-Godly hour in the morning (Brasil is an hour ahead across the boarder so lose an hour as soon as we wake up) & pack down for the night.
Days away from work 42
Most likely alternative = Iguazu falls chopper pilot
Days since I had a decent gin = 30
Jogging = 30km
Beers downed = 32
Steaks devoured = 23
Gins quaffed = 10
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
3:45 alarm goes off & we are surprisingly up & at 'em, wash up, close the cases, gather up our bits & pieces then off to reception for check out. Mountain bags collected & handed to the waiting Eduardo who gives a master class to the young Fredricco in packing a Chevy boot. Drive to Argentinean boarder control for another exit stamp, continue on to Brasil control where we get our passport stamped, entry & exit forms issued, strangely without either of us being present, guess they trust Eduardo implicitly. Pull up at the airport, bid our fond farewell to our driver while Eddy escorts us to check in. Arrive at the desk & everything ... seemed ... to ... be ... going so well.
There's obviously some problem, my mind jumps to the flight differences, conflab between Eduardo & Azul chap is getting more heated. I'm not following any of this but my spider senses are telling me we ain't going to Alta Floresta. Eduardo finally gives us the run down, apparently the flight we were booked on left at 5am this morning, which doesn't match any itinerary either of us have. The agent also tells us the only way to get to Alta Floresta is from Cuiaba, there's one flight per day at 12:30 & there's no flight on any airline that will get us there in time. Seems like my spider senses were right. We're offered a flight to Cuiaba via São Paulo today & a flight to Alta Floresta tomorrow. We throw up several alternatives, like can we stay in Iguazu tonight & fly their route tomorrow but seems these have already been discussed & rebuffed in Portuguese.
Despite the faff & swapping a night in the jungle for a night in a nondescript Brasilian commercial city, we're quite relaxed about it all, Eduardo on the other hand is seething! We get our boarding passes issued, say obligado to Azul chap & head off so Eddy can cool down. Our first flight isn't until noon so head out with our angry guide to the waiting Freddy who is so laid back he doesn't bat an eye when the tourists who were supposed to be on a plane turn up at his car. At the coffee shop downtown we discuss options while Ed vents at the office. On the pragmatic table we've booked the Devile hotel in Cuiba, as we have an overnight stay there on our way back, for the princely sum of £42. Jo points out that we can leave our mountain gear there too, save lugging it all the way to & from the jungle, every cloud n all. We're offered a trip to the bird park to fill time, all for gratis but, to be honest, we're not really interested & will feel more settled once we're at the airport. All done, Eduardo heads off leaving us to pay for our cafe con leches on our card, would it have killed him to pay a few Reals.
Back at the airport we say our final farewells, bung Eddy quite a few dollars as, despite the coffee annoyance, he has been an excellent guide with a very English sense of humour. We already have all our boarding passes & luggage checked so just head upstairs for a chill & a surf. Grab a coffee & an interesting variation on a sausage roll before heading through the ever vigilant South American domestic security. As expected there's not an awful lot airside so just park ourselves at the gate & despite Eduardo's concerns avail ourselves of the plentiful free WiFi. Time marches on & no sign of boarding we get a bit concerned as our connection is tight but eventually an Azul person appears & we're checked through. From the gate we're left to wander the tarmac, spot an Azul plane, so head for that. Half way down we're aware that we are leading just a few towards the waiting plane & none of us are locals. As we approach the plane is looking decidedly unprepared but carry on regardless. Up the steps, peer round the cabin, call hola hola, but no reply. Obviously not our plane so hot foot it back down the runway to seek out the next likely candidate which checks our boarding passes & lets us on, this is probably ours, but since there's no announcements in English we'll have to wait & see.
Flight is pretty smooth & uneventful, however we don't seem to be making up much time on our delayed take off & we're conscious that we have under an hour for our connection, maybe fine for us but our luggage may end up in the South American equivalent of the Cairo lost luggage museum. Land in what we believe to be São Paulo, it's not a big airport so either it's not the biggest city in South America or its the out of town Ryanair equivalent, spot a Doris on the tarmac who may (or may not) be transfer girl. We show her our next boarding passes & she pulls us to one side, there's a few of us gathering so start to feel positive. Watch the luggage being unloaded & low & behold our bags are sectioned off. Next we're loaded into a van with some Azul flight crew, by gosh we may pull this thing off. We're first to be loaded onto the plane we believe to be our Cuiaba flight, at the time we're scheduled to take off. This gives me plenty of time to flirt outrageously with the voluptuous flight attendant, until Jo gives me a dead arm that is. We're hopeful it's just the 6 of us but then the hoards arrive & eventually we take off about 45 mins late.
Once in the air the middle aged couple in front of us in the exit row start molesting each other. I've never seen anything like it outside a school disco, either they just met & fell in love on the tarmac or have never been allowed out in public. They really are the most annoying people we've ever sat behind, lolling around bouncing in their seats, full recline, floundering over each other, I swear he had his head in her mouth at one point. I'm tempted to have a go but a) I'm English, b) I don't know the Portuguese for "put that down, you don't know where that's been" & c) it really isn't worth it. I give them a stern gaze on my way back from the loo & shockingly it works (never worked on my kids), they put their seats up & sit, relatively, still for the rest of the flight.
Land with a bump in Cuiaba, short hop to baggage reclaim where as predicted the gang's all here. Our plan is to grab our swimmies & change of pants, check in our two bags for Alta Floresta today, take our mountain bags to the hotel & leave them there for our return. Problem is no one speaks English & I don't speak any freaky deaky language. Have a conversation with an Azul Doris where I'm speaking solely in English, her speaking solely in Portuguese, I don't get very far. Eventually establish we can not check in today so head outside for el taxi, which as luck would have it is a people carrier. Not only does he have a big trunk, he's also the happiest cabby ever, no idea what he's saying or why he's happy but by golly he is jolly. Cuiaba is a rather grim commercial town with no tourist credentials other than being the hottest place in Brasil & the gateway to the Pantenal.
15 mins later we're at the Devile, I try to tip happy cabbie more than the BRL 2 change out of a 50 note but he doesn't understand, but not surprising he's happy with the 40p tip. Check in to the pleasant if rather bland hotel & are shown to our comfortable but basic room. I'm hungry, want to go for a swim & an explore but JT is rather travel weary so we eat our cheese & ham packed lunch from the Loi Suites & watch Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles on the telly. Eventually talk JT into going to the Trip Advisor #1 rated restaurant which is 400m away. Quick chat at the front desk to get a second opinion & to see if he says "erm I wouldn't go out there alone, at night", he doesn't & recommends a place a few streets away that has a lively scene. I'm a bit sceptical but will try anything twice so off we go.
Sure enough Juan on reception is right, there are a few decent looking bars & restaurants right where he said & we weren't murdered on the way. Other than one lively bar it's all looking pretty quiet (or a bit outdoor cafe) so go for Ditado & are seated with an excellent view of the band & the football. Menu is completely incomprehensible so use my fancy new Google app to translate by pointing at the freaky language on the page & shows you normal on screen. Works pretty well but slow & the menu is big, still amuses the passers by. Order a couple of local Brahma beers & soak in the atmosphere of first night in Brasil. Band really are very good, especially the singer / guitarist who bangs out tunes, all incomprehensible but with style & gusto. We whoop & applaud his fine performance, especially his Portuguese interpretation of David Bowie's Starman. Seems this is not the done thing as the outgoing & passionate English make spectacles of themselves with the the shy & reserved Brasilians. In any case the front man comes over, thanks us & shakes our hand as we exchange appreciation in our own languages, although I'm sure he understood Bowie. Meanwhile Flamengo win 2-0 & our dinners are taking an age. JT chases up our waiter & momentarily two huge plates arrive. Jo looks for help & sympathy with her mountain of prawns & pasta, but there's no point looking at me, I've got an enormous bowl of meat.
Now getting past 11, the bar filling up with the hottest girls I've seen in one place that aren't being paid for it, but with dinner partially slain, more beers sank than we intended it's time to head on home. In fact the whole street is now heaving, my gosh these Brasilians eat even later than those Argies. Negotiate our route home across the crumbling pavements & we're soon in the sanctity of the Devile. Teeth cleaned, lights out & another adventure on our South American odyssey draws to a close.
Days away from work 43
Most likely alternative = Cuiaba nightclub singer
Distance travelled - 17,422km (9,419nm)
Days since I had a decent gin = 31
Jogging = 30km
Beers downed = 37
Steaks devoured = 24
Gins quaffed = 10
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
JT was up at 2:30 with the carnival street party outside, drums, trumpets, dancing girls, fire eaters the lot. Can't say I noticed & slept straight through. Alarm goes off at 7 & after a bit of a laze (it is Sunday after all), we drag ourselves up & down to breakfast. Smart dining room, nice buffet which we have all to ourselves, presumably the other guests were at the street party. Nice muesli, very nice eggs & bacon, then on to the sweet course, decent selection of cakes but very much lacking in the pastry department. Say what you like about the French, they do very nice baked breakfast goods, it seems Vasco da Gama didn't pop in to his local patisserie on his way here. Bit of a faff getting back in our room, have to get maintenance to come up & reset our door before we can get in & pack. Check out, get a cab & head off with only two bags instead of the usual 5.
15 mins later we're back at the airport & at the empty Azul checkin desk. All set we run the gauntlet of security & get settled in the modest Cuiaba airside area. Sit & blog while JT finishes the second instalment on our trip for the parish magazine. Keep an eye on the gate & the time, don't want to miss our flight again, that would be careless. Time continues to march on & although Azul's motto is "we don't give a f*ck", this is getting ridiculous. Just then Jo notices the time on the screen, it's 11o/c, an hour earlier than we thought & an hour before our flight, must have changed time zones from Iguacu. Ah it's all falling into place, quiet restaurants, street party, no one at breakfast, no one at check in, so this means we were up at 6 this morning. Ok so panic over we settle back down until it is time for our flight.
On board we are treated with a screaming child behind us kicking my seat, which is nice. Plane is not full so as soon as we're up & the seatbelt signs go off we move to the row in front, which is also exit row, bonus. Pretty uneventful flight & we're soon landing in Alta Floresta. Interesting coming into these smaller airports, especially out here, lots of smaller aircraft alongside the commercial planes, even spot a nice little Cessna 152. Jump off & over to the baggage which is of the bench variety so everyone crowds round. Don't know what passes for manners in this part of the world but there's no help offered to any one of the women & children struggling to lift heavy cases from the bench, none that is apart from the lone Englishman in the crowd. The fact that one of the damsels was a leggy brunette in a miniskirt had nothing to do with it. Luggage salvaged we head out to be greeted by the grinning Marco from The Christalino Lodge. We have to wait for one other couple who turn out to be a wheezy, sweaty pair from Belgium.
On our way to the Amazon & it's about damn time if you ask me. An hour by road & 30 mins by boat, realise it's not that it's a long way, just that it's a dirt track so going is slow. Meet Ben at the boat who looks after us & spots wildlife on the way. Really interesting seeing the black Christalino river mix into the green waters as the rivers meet & we turn into the home straight. The wind picks up as we arrive at the dock & by the time we reach reception there's a full blown tropical storm coming down.
At reception Marlon gives us the run down on everything & answers the Belgium's inane questions while we wait for the storm to ease off. Marlon shows us to our rooms with the Flemish fannies still wittering on, Marlon tells us where to meet in an emergency, "what counts as an emergency" asks Mrs Brussels, "being eaten by a jaguar", I reply. Ditch the waffle munching whelks at their room & carry on to our delightful bungalow. It really is lovely, all wooden panels & floors, ceiling fans & our favourite, an indoor / outdoor shower. Get out what we need for a few days then it's time for that shower. I head straight for the outdoor given the storm has past & it's still warm & sticky, no hot water but has been warmed by the heat of the day so really is quite pleasant. JT is less keen preferring to shower away from nature. All scrubbed up in our respective cubicles we're ready to head to the lodge lecture.
Very good talk from the young girl researching butterflies here for her PhD, very nice lecture room too. Time to visit the bar & seeing they have Bombay Sapphire I give the Latins another shot at making me a G&T, it's ok, too much tonic though. JT goes classy with an Aperol Spritzer. Sit in the equally lovely reading room with our cocktails until the dinner bell goes. We're grouped with the bonkers Belgiums with our guide Ben. Dinner is of the buffet variety & is all pretty good, but a bit boney. Ben gives us the run down on activities for tomorrow, we're meeting at 5:30 to climb the tower for sunrise, sounds cool. Mr Brussells announces he's scared of heights, oh we're going to enjoy being a guided foursome with these two duck eggs.
Unable to stomach anymore drivel from our chocolate loving cousins we say our goodnights & stumble home in the dark (if only we had our mountain bags with our head torches). Our bungalow is surprisingly mild as we get ourselves settled down in the dark, so not to encourage the jungle to join us for the night.
Days away from work 44
Most likely alternative = Amazon boatman
Distance travelled - 18,220km (9,839nm)
Days since I had a decent gin = 32
Jogging = 30km
Beers downed = 39
Steaks devoured = 24
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Up at 5am (yes really), get our jungle gear on, socks, shoes, long trousers, long sleeve shirt, spray ourselves with mozzie repellent, grab the rucksack loaded with cameras & lenses, then we're off. Weave our way along the dark path littered with roots & vines, which to be fair is no more dangerous than your average South American footpath. Coffee & bickie stop as the restaurant isn't open yet & we're on our way, or maybe not the Belgian bafoon has broken his torch, he's only had the bloody thing 5 mins. He faffs & fiddles but there's no fixing it, c'mon I say, we're not being paid by the hour & eventually we're off.
Short boat ride & potter along the path, we arrive at tower 2 or the Ted Danson or something tower as Ben calls it. It's a bit more flimsy than I imagined, especially for a 50m tower but doesn't look like it's fallen down recently so head on up. Belgians say something about this is far enough when they hit the 35m platform but to be fair they wheeze their way to the top eventually. Dawn is just breaking & the views are quite breathtaking as the mist rises up from the jungle reflecting the suns rays lighting up the horizon. Soak up the atmosphere a while as I wait for just the right light, get some good shots but as always will not be the same as being there. Spend a couple of hours on top with Ben, the ever reliable twitcher, pointing out all sorts of bird life around us. Although the forest is alive with the sounds of bird calls, they're all rather far away & end up with lots of pictures of branches. Still saw some lovely birds (of the feathered variety for a change), really enjoyed the experience but glad it's time to head back. Make good time down & along the trail, well most of us do, there's no sign of Mrs Brussels, we ask the husband who tells us the guide walks too fast for her as she has asthma. Obviously he has no intention of checking on his missus so Ben heads back to make sure she hasn't been eaten by a giant plant. Meanwhile the flatulent Flemish fool joins us in the boat by plonking his waffle laden ass on one side of the boat & almost capsizing us. He doesn't & Ben rescues the other twit so we can return to the lodge for breakfast.
Breakfast is not bad at all, mute omelette lady whips us up a couple of egg treats with some excellent cheesy dough balls. Chat to our new guide & colleagues about what to do next, we're hitting the local trail then some more activities later today, Ben does not give details, much to the frustration of the Belgians. Wander out the back of the resort, up the trail & into the jungle. Mrs Brussels has a fungus fetish, photographing every instance along the way & falling behind again. Ben mentions casually that there are wild pigs called peccaries in these woods that roam in large packs & will most likely attack us if we come across them. Now I can accept losing a leg to a jaguar or a hand to a caiman, a nasty tarantula bite or even being crushed by an anaconda, but it really would be annoying to come all this way to be bitten by a pig. Not too much to report from our second excursion of the day, lots of trees, lots of leaves, lots of fungus. Still again it is as much being part of the jungle as what you actually see, with the intense sounds, the humidity & closeness of the surroundings filling your senses.
Time for lunch, which is actually very tasty, along with details on the next instalment of our adventure. First though we head back to the room to avoid the hottest part of the day, have a very welcome cooling outdoor shower & a siesta. Suitably rested, we head down to the dock to meet Ben & the Belgians for our 4 o/c boat ride. Loaded up with our boatman, I have christened Mr Miyagi, we head up river to the Brazil Nut Trail. Even after the short storm this afternoon the heat in the jungle is quite oppressive, especially as we are wrapped up from the mozzies & anything else that's likely to bite or sting you. It really is like the survival programmes, everything in the jungle is out to get you. Tree roots cover the path waiting to trip you up, poisonous & thorny leaves line the edges, vines with 10cm needle spikes dangle from the trees, colonies of ants as big as your thumb nail march along in their 1,000s, then there's the mosquitos, relentless & tireless in their thirst for your blood. This is all what you can see & on the trail, stand still for too long off it & something will devour you. Ben points out the aforementioned needle vines, warning us they will make you haemorrhage but his mispronunciation leads Jo to comment they certainly would give you haemorrhoids, which has Ben in stitches for the next 10 minutes. Head down to the clay lick pool in search of the peccaries, erm hang on Ben aren't these the guys you warned us about this morning. We're not too concerned though, pretty sure the slow witted Belgians will get it first allowing us to make our get away. No wild pigs though, in fact no jaguars, no lions, no tigers & no chicken eating spiders, feeling a little dishearten a troupe of monkeys pulls it out of the bag on the way back to the boat. Quite something with them swinging just metres above our head, whooping & calling. Back in the boat Mr Miyagi has another treat in store for us, some freshly prepared Brazil nuts, have a good old much on these fresh out of the tree snacks on our way down the river.
Carry on past the lodge & up to where the Christalino joins the bigger river I can't remember the name of but is a dramatically different colour. Arrive just as the sun is setting, making a dramatic scene, the sun lights up the sky as it dips below the horizon, reflected back off the still river & framed perfectly by the jungle on both sides. A lovely end to our first day in the Amazon, but fortunately Mr Miyagi takes us back before Ben gets out the champagne he had chilling in the river & starts getting all romantic with me.
Quite late by now back in resort so quick shower & down to dinner. Grab a quick beer on the way to our table & get settled with our little gang. Dinner is all good, capped off with a fine desert of Brazil nut banana crumble with chocolate sauce. Chat over dinner reveals that the moronic Mr Brussels is a professor, of bugs or something, just goes to show huh. His bug people have conferences every year in exotic locations where him & his misuses tack on a vacation, alright for some. Anyhoo, they're nice enough just devoid of any common sense or manners. Have a blog & squeeze what we can from the WiFi in the delightful reading room. Quite late as we wander back to our bungalow in the jungle which while not exactly cool is pleasant as we lock the bugs out & pack down for the night.
Days away from work 45
Most likely alternative = Jungle survival expert
Jo's mozzie bite count = 27
Days since I had a decent gin = 33
Beers downed = 41
Steaks devoured = 24
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Ben generously allows us a lay in this morning, meet for breakfast at 6am, which again is nice apart from the lack of baked goods. Down by the docks Mr Miyagi is waiting to whisk us down river to this morning's trail. We're 5 mins or so into our walk when the sound of monkeys calling & scrambling through the tree tops gets louder & louder building to a crescendo above our heads. There are four different species having a bit of a barney, swinging back & forth, running through the the canopy, a troupe of more than 10 spider monkeys, a small group of red gloved howler monkeys, ordinary howler monkeys & capuchins. They spot us, which immediately winds them up into a frenzy as they shake the trees & screech at the top of their primate lungs, it really is quite a spectacle. The little buggers then start weeing at us, throwing branches & waving their private parts in our general direction. This goes on for at least 20 mins with JT catching the highlights on video while I haul the gigantor lens & shoot from the SLR. Anyhoo, we must leave this party & carry on with our trek, which Ben insists is quite gruelling, hmm I think we'll cope
There is a lot of uphill, it's quite slippy in places & in the heat of the jungle it's no walk in the forest to be fair, but gruelling I think not. We pass a stream that we're hoping to see the yellow frog the indigenous people used to make poisonous darts from, I ask Ben if they have the toads you can lick to get you high, apparently not. Up top we come to a little rocky clearing with great views of the jungle below, you can only just make out the bend in the river, so dense is the canopy. Time to head down, Ben has some more "gruelling" walking in store for us but we manage it ok. Back at the boat, Ben wants to have one last crack at the peccaries, so we set sail for the brazil nut trail. We make short time of returning to the clay lick pool they apparently are so fond of. We climb up into the little wooden hut 5 metres up, where we wait patiently, silently sweating, for the little piggies to arrive. 20 minutes later Mr Brussels has melted into a pool of butter so it's time to call it a day & admit defeat to the peccaries.
Arrive at the boat where Ben has started to call the boatman Mr Miyagi too, which I'm sure he appreciates. Back at the lodge at 10 to 1 & we're told to meet for lunch at 1 o/c. Yeah 1ish Ben, we're going to have a shower & change. Showered & changed we meet the otters, eat & talk about our afternoon canoe trip. Best we get some rest then, so it's back home & get out of what's turning into a scorching day. Recuperated we get our bits together, swimmies & GoPro mainly, then are about to leave when we spot a capybara in our garden. He really is quite a big chap, has a baby too, I rush out to grab a shot of the giant rodent but alas they give me the slip & sneak out back. Head to the dock for pre trip swim.
Now everyone has been telling us we must try swimming in this part of the Amazon, there's a nice set up with sun loungers on the pontoon dock. Thing is, with the anaconda living just upstream & the caiman we saw last night, JT is a little put off, she "forgot" the mozzie repellent so has to head back. I must admit the deep dark water looks less than inviting as I approach the edge but can't wimp out now with all the Brasilian lovelies sunbathing around me. Stand on the edge, set the GoPro & dive into the inky blackness. Really is claustrophobic being quite so dark & only a metre from the surface, have a mild panic but soon the water turns to brown, to orange & I'm at the surface. Jumping in the cold water I immediately want a wee but Adam says I mustn't as they have those little fish that swim up your pee-pee hole, put my mind off it by trying to look buff in front of the lovelies. JT arrives & surprisingly jumps in, well she doesn't jump in, but she gets in, well done that girl. We have a little swim & sit on the float, which makes an excellent platform for my many filmed splashes as I attempt to attract any predator in the vicinity to join us.
Eventually Ben & the Belgians arrive along with a reporter bird who's covering the ecolodge, so it's time to swim up & jump out athletically. Mr Miyagi takes us downstream to our waiting canoes, which actually seems a bloody long way. Unloaded we're allocated our river craft, a racy green kayak for us & a pink canoe for the Belgians. It's pleasant paddling down with the current, the river shaded from the intensity of the warm late afternoon sun. Quiet too without the noise of Mr Miyagi's outboard. We actually do pretty well for a change, keeping in sync, not meandering back & forth across the river. Ben & the reporter bird he's been cracking onto follow a safe distance behind. We've pretty much decided we've had enough of this paddling lark when finally the pontoon appears round the bend. I call to JT to finish strong, which we do, but there are no lovelies on the dock to cheer us in. Comedy moment as we disembark our craft, Jo hops off on her bum & tells me to be careful, careful is my middle name I reply as I stand up safe in the knowledge I have the rope attached to the dock, just then the wood the rope is attached to comes away from the dock leaving me doing the splits, one foot on the jetty, one still in the boat. Manage to haul myself onto dry land just in time. Eventually the rest drift into town, Ben remarks on our nautical (& competitive) spirit, then issues his next instructions, Butterfly lecture at 7:15. So what time is it now, 7 o/c, right see you at 7:15 ish then.
Lovely outdoor shower back at home, wash the river off & get ourselves spick & span for our last night at the lodge. It's 7:45 so decide to swerve the lecture for the bar, a couple of local Skols go down very well. Ben & the Belgians join us, we chat & drink & admire my marvellous monkey photos from today. Order another beer & head for dinner. Chat to our likeable guide & fellow travellers we are trying very hard to like. Dinner is nice enough, papaya crumble tonight. Meanwhile Victoria, the owner, has heard about my monkey closeups so comes over with a family from São Paulo. Victoria is surprised we're English, she thought we would be American with me working at NASA & all, she seems to be under the impression I'm an astronaut, not sure where she got that from. Everyone is very kind & very impressed with my photos. São Paulo family are very nice with excellent English, rather confident but polite son shows me video of his sailing & tells us he will be in university in Southampton for 5 years studying ship engineering.
With the owner & guests entertained it's time for us to retire from the limelight with a cup of tea in the reading room. Updated on the world outside, we follow the lights down the trail for our final sleep in the jungle. Seems every bug in the jungle has come to our bungalow to see us off as we crunch onto the decking outside our home. Remaining bugs confined to the outside, with a good spread of spray round the door for good measure we pack down & let the jungle sounds send us to sleep.
Days away from work 46
Most likely alternative = Jungle wildlife photographer
Kms paddled = 3
Jo's mozzie bite count = 68
Days since I had a decent gin = 34
Beers downed = 45
Steaks devoured = 24
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Ben has arranged a romantic dawn boat ride, but we have declined so he can have some alone time with the Belgians. At breakfast for the agreed 7am, no sign of the otters, they must just be having so much fun. Consume our Amazon staple of muesli, eggs & cake while our new friends return with tales of not seeing much at all. Breakfast wrapped up its time to head to our jungle hideaway to pack up ready for our departure. Leave the bags outside, glad we don't have to drag them along the path. Meet in reception where we chat to our fellow explorers, get the last group photo & say a tearful goodbye to our splendid guide Ben.
Time to go & all the staff, including the owner Victoria, gather round to see us off. Comedy jetty moment number 2, the giant bumbling Belgian stumbles & decides to grab hold of the diminutive Victoria to save him, they lurch towards the river until one of the guides intervenes. Would have been amusing but I certainly wouldn't wish that on Victoria or even Mr Brussels, travelling all the way to Cuiaba soaking wet. Right we're off with the river surging with all the goodbye tears. It's a short boat ride with the current where we disembark & since everyone is checking out today we have a coach waiting. The bigger vehicle lurches & shudders even more than the van on the way out, the boards that serve as bridges over the rivers certainly do. Eventually, mercifully, we turn into town & onto the tarmac. First stop is the office in town to pay our bar bill, then on to a place for a group lunch. With such a convoluted transfer & only one flight a day, I guess the lodge needs to herd us & keep us together. Lunch is of the buffet variety & charged by weight (but the lodge is picking up the tab), it's all pretty nice, but the barbecue is really good. Hot in the cafeteria, only marginally cooler on the coach but it's a short trip to the airport.
Unloaded & bags claimed we head for the checkin desk. Marco from the lodge is helping the tourists faff at the counter, but we tell him it's ok, we've checked in before. Through to what's classed as security at this tiny airport, we wait in the rather warm waiting room. Finally called onto the pane, where we wait another hour on tarmac but at least it's relatively cool. Eventually we take off for an uneventful flight & before you know it we're landing in Cuiaba.
Wander across the tarmac as you do round here & find baggage reclaim where we say our goodbyes to the Belgians, promising to keep in touch. Our meagre two bags claimed, we're through & met by our local agent, who is also, you guessed it, the Belgians agent. More tears but no dinner plans, we head off for our familiar journey downtown. Past the Statue of Liberty, along the crumbling railway that was built but never completed for the World Cup, 15 mins later we're at the Devile. We loved our time at the Christalio lodge & there's nothing like being in the Amazon, but by heck it's a faff to get in & out of and we're only on our stop over.
We've been promising ourselves a dip in the outdoor pool through our hot & sticky journey, funny that now we're here we're not sure we can be arsed but we do & although it's a bit run down around the edges it is cooling & nice. Although still warm in the late afternoon it's not really geared up for lounging so we head up for a flomp on the bed. Updated with the first reliable internet in a few days it's time to get showered to hit the Cuiaba nightlife. Cuiaba is a funny place, run down with crumbling buildings & roads, you look out of of the window & think "I really don't fancy going out there". Then a few streets away there are smart bars & restaurants, full of smart people, but in equally grimy surroundings. While we wouldn't have chosen to come here for 2 nights, we quite like it.
Wander out into the ever so warm evening & down to the lively street like we're locals. JT is suffering withdrawal so demands to go to the Grand Toro steakhouse. It really is rather nice in here, all dark wood & booths, kinda like Hillstones in NY or Milestones in Whistler, if ou you have been to either of these establishments. Menu is a heck of a lot easier than across the street, they have English words like "T bone" & "porterhouse", that's good enough for us so that's what we have, along with a selection of sides & a couple of Brahmas. Even though relatively straightforward, we're still sent their token English speaker, who is wonderfully & delightfully mad. We have a lovely chat, not sure about what, he roars with approval when he asks Jo how she would like her steak & she replies RARE!
Steaks are good without being Argentinean quality, treat ourselves to a desert of churros with dolce de leche, I'm sure Mercedes would approve. Still very lively for after 11 on a Wednesday night but hey that's Latins for you. Arrive safely at our hotel, teeth cleaned it's time to pack down for yet another early start in the morning.
Days away from work 47
Most likely alternative = British ambassador to Belgium
Distance travelled - 18,998km (10,259nm)
Beers downed = 48
Steaks devoured = 26
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Up at 6 o/c, our last lay in was day 29 when we were leaving BA, so much travelling since then, we're off for our 5th & 6th flights in as many days. Cases closed yet again, hop down to check out, collect our stored bags & meet our waiting driver. Short drive & we're back at check in, TAM this time. The guy doesn't really speak English, just looks quizzically as we load bag after bag until he calls the translator over to explain we have to pay excess baggage of BRL 22. Ha, £4 for all 5 bags, we have pulled this off, then over at the pay desk we're told its 22 Reals per kilo, ah so that will be 80 quid, suppose it could have been worse, that's only the second time we've been charged on 7 economy flights. Through "security" & into the familiar Cuiaba airside gates. Grabs a coffee, connect to their WiFi & wait at gate 6.
Flight is called pretty much on time, go for the usual wander on the tarmac & pick the most likely plane. Get seated & surrounded by annoying, grizzling, bouncing, kicking, drooling children, oh this is going to be a fun flight. Take off relatively on time & mercifully the monster behind me is chloroformed by his mother who is also struggling with a baby on her lap. Meanwhile Jo has the fat, hairy fidgeter next to her. But we survive the flight & land safely in São Paulo.
We're at a bigger airport this time than when we connected on the way out, no transfer lovely shepherding us & our luggage to our waiting connection. Bus to the terminal, pretty easy to find our gate where the queue is already forming. Bus back out takes a tour of the apron but eventually we climb on board. No adjoining seats for us on this flight, I'm joined by two chubby lovelies, JT has a courting couple for company. Much quieter & shorter flight, after an hour we're landing in Rio. Too cloudy & too far from the window to get any views of the city but plenty of time for that. We're soon off & we actually disembark through the elephants truck rather than wandering aimlessly around the apron. At baggage reclaim the nagging doubts about lost luggage that I have been pushing to the back of my mind come to the fore. Watch the belt go round with everyone's bulky suitcases but no sign of any designer treking bags. While not panicking, I'm just starting to worry when out pops the Mountain Hardware bag, soon accompanied by the rest of family. Wiz out & meet the waiting Leisha, bit of a faff to get to the car, lots of excuses but we don't follow & we're really not that bothered. Climb into the nice Fiat SUV & we're off on the motorway & into the city. Really interesting with views of the bay, lagoon & ever changing buildings, from slums to shopping centres & smart apartment blocks. Leisha points out places of interest on the way, but most of it is covered in the low cloud that blankets the city today.
Half an hour later we're at the Mirimar on Copacabana beach front. Get checked in & some tips from Leisha, gives the hard sell on some gemstone tour, hmm we'll see. Up to our room with stunning views of the beach & the bay. Don't bother unpacking, just grab the sunnies & head for the beach. Having missed breakfast this morning we're felling rather peckish so head for the first beachfront cafe we come to & order a couple of beers & a couple of burgers. Big bottles of the local Skol & rather limp burgers but all good as we enjoy some pretty special people watching. The beach was never going to be as glamorous as the image it tries to portray, it certainly is a little rough round the edges but it does have a vibe & popular even on a gloomy day by Rio standards. Take a walk along the shore, sea is a bit chilly which sends JT scurrying up the sand like a crab every time a big wave rushes in. The beach arching round the bay is a bit deceptive & our intentions of walking all the way round are a bit ambitious so call it a day & walk back along the boardwalk. Loads of games of volleyball & football going on, as one would expect from the Copacabana.
Back in our room, it's time for a little rest before we tackle the unpacking. Everything is looking a little tired, wrinkled & less than fresh so salvage what we can for this evening, put the rest we will use here in for laundry, the remainder is consigned to the case not to see the light of day until we get home. We're now so South American we think nothing of heading out to dinner at 9 o/c, which is what we do. Jo packs an umbrella, I tell her she must be the only person ever to take an umbrella out on Copacabana beach. Anyhoo, JT has a tip from Trip Advisor on Manuel & Joquim further down the beach, so we head for there. Don't find it but do find a nice little place called "Deck" so sit outside & watch Corinthians vs Capivariano, order a couple of draft chops & their fruits de mer. Food takes a while & another beer to come but when it does its so huge they must have dredged de mer. Munch our way through their fruits of the sea while Corinthians run out 2-1 winners.
Leaving the restaurant It's now pouring with rain, glad I told Jo to bring an umbrella. Head back along the floodlit promenade, while most of the games have ended the beachfront bars are still pretty busy considering the weather & it's 11:30, but then would you expect anything else. Freshened up & tucked up in bed we chat & catch up on news from home until we realise it's well past pumpkin time. Lights out we are glad to pack down with impunity from biting insects.
Days away from work 48
Most likely alternative = Beach Volleyball Coach
Beers downed = 51
Steaks devoured = 26
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Alarm goes off at 7am, I have been flirting with the idea of running this morning, especially as there is a a fine running lane parallel with the beach, probably lots of hotties in the morning too. Anyway, didn't go for a run, but looking back I'm not sure why. It's nearer 7:45 before we drag our asses out of bed, then have a real potter, nothing really much to report, just extreme potterage. Oh there was one thing, had a message to call my bank, turns out there was some fraud attempts, funnily enough not in South America but in the good ol' US of A, can't trust those people from the north continent. They've cancelled my credit card, so looks like JT is paying for everything.
Eventually make it down to breakfast & it is a bountiful fayre, resplendent in its variety & quality, even surpassing the loveliness of The Alvear. Start with the muesli course, eggs & smoked salmon for the first time since we left home, finishing with a pancake course (not all together Pete). Have a catch up on social media & a read of The Times, all very civilised. Back to the room, but the Doris is making it up so head to the rooftop pool. Really nice up there, sit a while enjoying the views & a bit more of a relax. Debate going to the fort at the end of the beach, but a) reviews aren't that great & b) time is a bit tight before our pickup. Decide to have a walk along the beach, another peruse of the market & our neighbourhood. Market is closed so walk round the back of the beachfront for a bit of a browse & pop into Starbucks where we have a cooling Frapuchino, caramel for the lady & dolce de leche for me. Back in the hotel to freshen up & pack for our hike up Sugarloaf mountain.
Alex from Rio Trips picks us up nice & prompt, we're the only ones with him & it's a short drive to the park. Give Alex a hand getting our gear together, top up sunscreen, mozzie spray & some more water as it's pretty bloody hot today. Pleasant walk through the trail at the start of the trek, trees are full of marmosets, which the locals feed despite the signs & the tellings off they get from Alex. Soon we're onto the rock, which although is easy going for rock climbers, is reasonably steep for walking up, would be pretty nasty if you fell but fine as long as you're careful & confident. Jo is careful, I am confident, but Alex is not here to mother us so he's off up the rock like a goat, in any case we all make it up unscathed. It's also searing hot as the intense sun beats down & reflects off the rock. As the going gets steeper Alex ropes us up, not completely necessary but as we say in the mountains, safety first, safety second, safety third. I'm pretty comfortable walking up, JT is a little more cautious & uses her spider technique. Next bit is vertical & proper climbing.
I belay Alex up as he free climbs to the top, fixing slings at the trickier sections. Right time for me to climb & time to focus, its easy enough to start but you do need to work out your and & foot holds. Then comes the balcony section, not too difficult but awkward taking your hand holds from underneath. The next section really is difficult, you have to transfer all you weight to the smooth & exposed outside section of the rock, which is hard enough but I can't see ahead on where to move after that. I loose a bit of confidence but Alex gives his instructions & eventually I get through it. The last vertical section is pretty straightforward with clear (if not significant) hand & foot holds. JT is up next & makes short work of the bottom section, climbing with confidence & skill. She struggles & gets frustrated with the balcony section, grunting & swearing. She calls out "where are these hand holds"; "just there in front of you" replies Alex; "No they're f*cking not!" screams a familiar voice I can not see from below the overhang. She does of course make it over & climbs the last section with ease, refusing my helping hand as I knew she would.
Right the fun (hard) part over its a relatively short scramble to the top, hop over the rope that separates the climbers from the fat tourists, its path & steps from here on in. Pass a family running up the stairs, a local guy turns to me & says it's good to be crazy some times, I put my arm round him, turn my face to his & say "but I'm crazy all the time!', he laughs nervously. At the top we're rewarded with magnificent views of the city, the bay & the rocky hills. Of course we picked up views from the back of the mountain, out to sea & the surrounding islands that the lazy cable car folk did not see. Top hat pictures at the very top, as is our way. We explain to Alex this is our tradition & he asks what other mountains we've climbed, we reply, almost embarrassed, oh we just climbed Aconcagua, some 6,500m higher than Sugarloaf. Alex gives us a bit of a tour & history of the area, including when the French invaded for a week, "can't trust the French" I tell him, which seems to amuse him as he chuckles to himself.
Ironically we take the cable car down to mid stations, then the stepped path down to the bottom, passing the local tourist sweating & puffing their way up, looking at our harnesses & caribenas wondering what's in store for them. Back at the car we strip off our gear, short drive back to the hotel & bid a fond farewell to our guide Alex, who has been a top guy, good sense of humour & really looked after us without mollycoddling us.
Back in the hotel, it's after 7 o/c & we head straight up to the pool bar for a celebratory beer. Enjoy our recently downloaded photos with our drinks & the sunset. Shower & change we head out to dinner, we've earned a burger & a few more beers. Head to the Rota (Route) 66 place we saw last night, very popular on a Saturday night, bit of a wait but then we get a fine table right at the front. Order two Mega Burgers & a jarra chop (jug of beer) which we enjoy immensely along with some fine people watching. Hit the market to get Jo a thong bikini as Rio strictly enforces the no covered buttocks law. Get a nice hat for Dave too, just hope we don't mix the presents up. Now well past 11 o/c it's time to weave our way through the homeless & return to our Rio home. Brushed up & packed down in record time, we once again dream of mountains.
Days away from work 49
Most likely alternative = Rio Climbing Guide
Beers downed = 56
Steaks devoured = 26
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Alarm goes off at 7, this time I actually drag my lazy carcus out of bed, get my running gear on & hit the pavement. Run down to the fort, which only takes 4 minutes (maybe we could have gone there yesterday) then back up past our hotel to make a decent run of it. Really good run, warm, plenty of company & best of all I don't get lynched for wearing my Argentina football shirt. Back up in the room, Jo pretends to have been up for ages while I hit the showers & cool down. Down to breakfast where we discuss strategy, there's just so much great stuff but our stomachs are only so big. Cereal & egg course, then go for crepes for the breakfast desert course, Nutella for JT, dolce de leche (what else) for me.
Up to the room as we have a FaceTime planned with Adam & Vanessa, only we realise Columbia is 3 hours behind so that would be 7am, Adam is probably out for his run just like me. Try to rearrange for tomorrow as we have our tour of the statue of Christ the Redeemer at 12. Spend the rest of the time pottering & catching up with news from home.
We are promptly downstairs at 11:55 as Leisha was quite insistent we couldn't be late for our train time. We soon find her & we're off in Marcel's smart Nissan (transfers have been good on this leg). Leisha gives us a tour & history lesson while we wind our way to the statue. She is a funny thing bless her, "now I'll repeat that to make sure you understand" - ok, the jockey club is at the statue's 3 o/c position, yes I understand; "now pay attention, this is important" - ok, Prince Pedro lobbied for Brasil's independence, important then for sure. Anyhoo, we're soon at the train station, Leisha insists we must be vigilant as she goes off to collect our tickets, then sweet talks our way onto an earlier train. Not much to report from the 20 minute journey up, mostly forest for views except for the odd break when the tourists jump up to photograph a fleeting glimpse of the city, I presume they don't know they're going somewhere that overlooks the whole city.
Hop off the train, bypass the massive lift queue, round the back to the stairs, past the procession of gift shops, up the escalator & we're there. Leisha gives us a quick tour of the city but we're really only interested in the main event, the 30m statue of Christ. Jo comments it's not as big as she expected, I'm about to tell her yet again about the dangers of that operation when I realise she means the statue. Although 30m is no slouch in a statue, it's not quite as imposing as we imagined, looming large over the whole area. Having said all that, it is amazing to be here & quite awe inspiring as you look up at the sheer perfection of the sculpture. Get probably the best shots of the statue from our first vantage point but you need to make use of all the available space so brave the hordes of morons standing with their arms out imitating the statue, lying on the floor with their cheap cameras trying to get steep angle or standing / sitting on the wall looking cool for their selfies. Fight our way through the the masses to the end of the gantry for some quite spectacular panoramas of the city, the bays & the rocky hills. JT strikes up a friendship with a couple of Londoners, who then turn out to be the sort of idiots that stand on the wall, Jo distances herself from them as they're told off by security.
Leisha asks if we're done & we are, so back down where again our loveable guide uses her influence to get us on the next train down ahead of the others who had been waiting patiently in the queue. Queuing Latins & queue jumping English, oh how the tables have turned. Soon back at sea level & off to find Marcel for our pickup. A black saloon pulls up, but it's a Ford, not the Nissan that dropped us off, JT & Leisha jump in regardless, seems it's true what I've heard about it being easy to pick up girls in Rio. Just then Marcel comes running across the square to rescue the girls from being sold into the sex trade. Leisha gives us the run down on her politics, as people from this part of the world tend to do, lambasting the government for not clearing up the homeless, not sure where she intends on putting them. Drive back via Ipanema where there is rumoured to be a carnival parade, no sign yet though, Marcel says it should kick off about 5 o/c. Arrive at our hotel, bid a fond farewell to Leisha who has very kindly made us reservations at Marious for Valentine's Day.
Now we've been debating & researching the options for getting the last glimpse of carnival given we arrived after it had finished. Options being the Winners Parade at the Sambadrome or one of the local after carnival parties. Tickets for the winners were expensive, the parade lasts about 8 hours & rumour has it there is very little atmosphere. We have, therefore, plumped for the local party as a) we're cheapskates & b) we like a party. In any case we will get there fashionably late so it's a quick change & up to the pool for a delightful cool off from our afternoon in the sun. Pool is lovely & cooling, without being bracing as we enjoy our dip & the ever mesmerising views of the beach below. We can't loll around here all afternoon though, we've got a carnival to get to. Quick rinse off & change back into outdoor clothes (JT is not quite brave enough to party in her new bikini), then off for the walk round to the other famous beach in Rio. See quite a lot of folk walking in the opposite direction dressed in costume, flowers & hats, start to worry we've missed it as its now 6pm.
Crowds get thicker the further along the beach, seems there are still plenty of party goers around. Girls in police uniforms & guys in Minnie Mouse outfits seem to be popular. Make our way onto the beach that's pumping out music, JT spots a band taking a rest so decide to grab a drink & hang around a while, beer for me, some variation on vodka Red Bull for JT, not what she was aiming for but seems to like it. Tired of waiting for the samba band we head off for a walk along the beach, which is packed, countless games of keepy uppy go on along the shore, clearly this is where the England team should be training. Head back to the party just as the band starts up again & make our way to the front. The samba beat along with the brass band & the indecipherable singer are all quite infectious. The party is picking up all round us & although lacking the natural rhythm of our Latin cousins our feet start to move, our hands clap & before you know it we're pumping & grinding with the locals. Well maybe not quite as much as the chap in front who is copping hold of anything that moves, much to the annoyance of his missus who grabs him by the giblets & drags him back where she can see him. It's getting late & time to move on, we're waiting for the band to take a break but they don't, so we literally samba our way out, dancing, hugging & kissing the locals as we go. Back up on the promenade, we walk down Impanena past the biggest public domestic I've seen in a long while, then round to our familiar stomping group of the Copacabana.
Find one of our local beachfront bars, grab a couple of beers & watch the hardcore swim in the floodlit sea. Having spotted Manuel & Joquim on my run this morning, it's a short stroll from the beach to the table. Start with a couple more beers while studying their excellent & extensive menu, finally settling on the Brasilian barbecue, well ya gotta right. Feeling totally immersed we order a couple of the local favourite cocktails, Caipirinha & by gosh they're strong. Bountiful barbecue of lean & tender pork, chicken & steak is delivered, along with sides of chips & a local dish of grain mixed with sultanas & banana, tastes like sand. Tuck our way through as much meat as we can manage, JT commenting she hasn't felt as stuffed with meat since her night out with the rugby team. Probably explains why I drink, I have another Caipirinha, with passion fruit this time.
With half our meat still untouched, Jo has the lovely idea that we should give it to the homeless couple we see near our hotel that share a double piece of cardboard, get the bill & remaining food to go. So, drunk as skunks, we wander several blocks down Avenue Atlantica, round the back streets but sadly we can not find our chosen charity. Finally we're forced to bin the leftovers & stagger upstairs to sleep the Caipirinha off.
Days away from work 50
Most likely alternative = Samba Dancer
Beers downed = 61
Steaks devoured = 28
Gins quaffed = 11
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Caipirinha quenched = 3
Alarm goes off at 7, hit snooze while I decide if I'm too hungover to run or it will blow the cobwebs off. Get up feeling I've had worse, so it's down to the Copacabana for me. Start off just intending to see how far I get but I soon set the target of the end of the beach, some 4km away. Feel good & set a good pace, overtaking some guy who fancies a bit of competition so puts his foot down, but he tires & I run out the winner. Have a bit of a look round at the other end, interesting path that goes round the rock, but that will have to wait for another day, breakfast with JT is calling. Back down the track, busy today on the path & the road they have closed off to traffic. Lots of coach parties arriving with their deck chairs & eskies ready to stake their early morning claim to a square metre of beach. Already quite a gathering out on the sand & already 28C. Back to the hotel & up to the room where JT has been holding vigil at the window as I was longer than normal. Washed & changed its time to head down to the breakfast of wonders.
Mixing it up today we switch scrambled & salmon for omelette with meats & cheeses on the side, topped off with a desert course of course. Sit a while, chat about plans for the summer & catch up on The Times. Exhausted from our indulgence we retire to the room for more reading & more outside communication. Somehow it's now 11:30, decide to postpone our trip to the beach to after the hottest part of the day, we're off to the hippy market between Copacabana & Ipanema.
It's not a long walk but it's a bloody hot one, think we made the right decision, it's 34C, very humid & we're sweating like a pair of sex pests. Find the market thanks to JTs excellent navigation skills & we're off for a mooch. Some tat but mainly arts & crafts, lots of leather, jewellery, woodwork & tie dye clothes, it's not called the hippie market for nothing. Although out of the sun, still bastardwell hot as there's not a puff of breeze between the tightly packed stalls. Tis a fun place though, I get a £2 belt, Jo gets a £6 dress & some presents to boot. Head back via Starbucks for a sit in their air conditioning & suck on a icy frappuccino. Refreshed & cooled it's back to the room to change, JT now having regulation Brasilian swimwear we're now allowed to go on the beach.
Being privileged tourists we don't have to carry our deckchair, a chap from the hotel stakes your claim in the sand, furnishing you with an umbrella & a couple of chairs. Head straight for the sea, which, to be honest, JT is even less keen on than rivers with anacondas & caiman. We frolic on the shore a bit, Jo squealing as the waves crash onto her. I tell her it's better to go out past the waves, avoid all the spray & being knocked about. She's not happy though, staring in terror as the swell rises up & paddling frantically to avoid touching the bottom. Inevitably, despite my promises to look after her, a rogue wave rises up & crashes down, dumping her on the bottom, spinning her round & snatching her sunglasses. She emerges like a water boarding victim, so much for the protection of the veteran surfer. With JT confined to the safety of the shore I jump manfully into the waves, recreating my youth on Scarborough beach. Satisfied & feeling the still fierce Brasilian sun burning my shoulders I join JT in the safety of our Mirimar umbrella. Sit & watch the spectacular people of Rio frolicking in their natural habitat. Enormous American woman next to us crushes her deckchair, completely wrecked, comedy gold, even she saw the funnily side of it. But all good things must come to an end, it's Valentine's Day & we have Leisha's reservation to make.
Back up to the room we wash the Southern Atlantic off, Jo hasn't been been this sticky & covered in salty fluids since she took up that evening job to pay for the trip. We're now clean, it's 8 o/c, time for a pre dinner drink at the pool bar where I spied they have Tanqueray. It's better, possibly the best since I said goodbye to British Airways all those weeks ago, but considering it has one of my favourite gins, it is a little disappointing, still can't figure out what's going wrong. Jo's pinocolada seems to go down a treat though. Ho hum it's time to head downstairs, hail a cab & find this Marious we've heard so much about.
Well Marious certainly is different. It is a all you can eat barbecue, serving meat & fish until your stomach explodes, but it's the decor that really grabs you, everything from St George & the dragon to Davy Jones locker is in here, everything nautical & not so nautical nailed to the wall. I'm keen to get back on the Caipirinha but Jo warns me off & onto the ultimately safer beer chop. We grab some buffet then it starts, steak & various parts of of cow, lobster & related crustaceans, squid & the family of cephalopods. Their plan to get you in, fill you up & get their table back has worked, I suggest the desert buffet to JT but she feels even a wafer thin mint will see her going the way of Mr Creosote. Chat to a fifty something American chap who's here with a local chap 30 years his junior, which is probably fine. Speaking of that, the reviews recommend checking out the toilets, dolls nailed to wall in the ladies, pee trays filled with ice & lime in the mens.
Unable to take anymore food or weirdness it's time to stumble onto the pavement once more. Feeling too stuffed to get into a cab we decide to walk a while. It's 10:45 & still 30C. Realising its too far to comfortably walk we splash out £1.50 on a cab the rest of the way. If you thought we'd had enough to drink, you'd be right but that doesn't stop us as its back to the pool bar for a Khalua nightcap. Somehow find the lift, astonishingly find our room & miraculously make it into bed for our last sleep in South America.
Days away from work 51
Most likely alternative = Copacabana Pro Surfer
Beers downed = 64
Steaks devoured = 30
Gins quaffed = 12
Days since I had a decent gin = 39
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Caipirinha quenched = 3
Khaluas savoured = 2
Up at 7, no run today as we're travelling home, although in hindsight I probably could have squeezed one in. Pop to the front desks to beg for a late checkout, which we get for gratis until 4, ask how much for later, just out of interest, £140 till 6pm, hmm no thanks. Definitely could have gone for that run though, still you know what they say, a hearty breakfast is as good as a run, well someone probably says that. Devour our usual breakfast of delights, today I find they have dolce de leche Swiss rolls!
Right time to pack, while we have got out more than anywhere since our return to BA, it's still only a few shirts & dresses so it doesn't take very long. We've had a bit of a look at the facilities at Rio airport & found the consensus to be it is a decrepit desolate hole, so decide to push our transfer back to minimise our time there. Eventually get through to someone & the agent wants written confirmation that we accept the risk of leaving at 9:30 for the 30 minute journey to the airport for a flight departing at midnight. What's the worst that can happen, we'll have to stay in Rio, I'll take that risk. With that ordeal over its time for the beach. Hotel chap sorts us out with a couple of deck chairs & an umbrella, which we shun to go strait for the sea. JT does not venture further than the shoreline today, preferring to frolic in the surf rather than risk the even relatively calm Atlantic. I stick with her a while before the draw of the open ocean brings out my inner orca & seek deeper waters. Turning rather crinkly it's time to join my land dwelling mammal partner on the sand. Enjoy a couple of hours in the shade of the Mirimar umbrella watching the people of Rio swimming, basking & selling everything from Caipirinha to buckets & spades. As tempting as it is to spend the rest of our days on the beach of the Copacabana, we're supposed to be leaving today.
Beach shower & room shower, squeeze the last out of of our room extension by having a rest on our ever so comfy bed. Check out & hand our bags in for looking after while we pop out for a last wiz round our neighbourhood. Head to our favourite market, but it's not really open yet, so head to our favourite Starbucks where I make the most of what is almost certainly my last dolce de leche frapuchino for some time. Back out & the market is still not properly open but we find enough stalls open to get the last of our tat, sorry presents. Return to the hotel & reclaim our bag with the swimmies to while away our last few hours in the rooftop pool. Only thing is its started raining, but still it's warm & relaxing in the poolside shelter.
Rain turns into a full blown storm, which while puts paid to our last swim provides plenty of entertainment as thunder rocks the buildings, forked lightning lights up the sky like day & the torrential rain turns the street into a river. The latter sends JT into a bit of a panic, doubting our decision to push back our transfer, hope she doesn't start going on about paying departure tax again. Just us, who don't have a room & a couple of old Dorrises left on the roof now as we enjoy the last of the storm. Eventually even the old girls call it a night, leaving us to enjoy a couple of beer chops & our last South American steak popped into a baguette. Poolside shower & change into our travelling gear then we can put it off no longer, we have to leave.
All set up in reception with all our bags we wait patiently for our driver, who for some reason just hangs around outside until I go get him. Bit of a faff loading everything into his saloon, which is kinda strange since ever since we shocked our first driver in BA with our luggage mountain they have always come prepared. Anyhoo, this just reinforces our point as we still arrive at terminal 1 at 10:05 even with the weather.
Checked in we head for security which takes 2 minutes & passport control which takes even less & doesn't charge us departure tax, much to JTs amazement, even though we've never been charged departure tax. First glimpse at airside is not that bad, decent Olympic shop which is astonishingly reasonably priced, usually the logo adds 500% to everything but Jo's thongs (feet thongs this time) are £6. World Duty Free is pretty nice too, but then that's about it so head upstairs to the lounge. Ah we see what they mean, the lounge is downriver & past a stream of decrepit closed down stores. Lounge is shared with a dozen other airlines, is pretty full, pretty dire & inhabited by chavs (presumably on other flights). We're not there long though as the call comes through & we schlep back to the gate. Not wholly surprisingly the chavs are on our flight & somehow think that flying club negates you from having your passport & boarding pass checked. On board the chav boys occupy the middle seats adjacent to us, playing with their seats, the dividing screens & throwing paper. Now I'm all for making use of the cheap upgrades when offered but really BA should check that people are of a certain class before allowing them on board, may I suggest setting a maximum number of tattoos. Eventually get a glass of champagne from the overly made up chubby Northern lass, so at least that settles JT down. Take off is pretty much on time & our South American odyssey is finally at an end.
Jo & I have already decided we're not having dinner so late, JT packs down as soon as the seatbelt signs go off, I hang on for a decent gin & tonic at last. I get two lots of Tanqueray with Fevertree tonic, couldn't be any better unless it was served by someone infinitely more attractive, but still it doesn't taste quite right. Ah I've figured it out, it's the Malarone malaria tablets, they make fizzy taste not fizzy, oh hang on is that diamox? I'm confused but tired & now a little drunk so time to pack down myself.
Days away from work 52
Likelihood of returning to work 35%
Most likely alternative = Brasilian Airport Designer
Distance travelled - 21,365km (11,535nm)
Beers downed = 67
Steaks devoured = 30
Gins quaffed = 14
Days since I had a decent gin = 0
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 8
Caipirinha quenched = 3
Khaluas savoured = 2
Wake up & check the moving map, 2 & 1/2 hours to go, must have got some pretty decent sleep but decide to lay here a while longer until they turn the lights on, which they do in about 5 minutes. Look over at JT, she is still sound asleep so check with her if she wants breakfast. She does, adding as usual that she didn’t get much sleep, funny that whenever i looked over the divide she was snoring soundly. In any case breakfast is soon served, pretty decent, I get pancakes but JT has none as she went to the loo, I ask if they’ll bring her some but they say they’ve run out, funny that when the cabin isn’t full, maybe that explains why the Northern attendant lass is so chubby. Captain says its a busy time at Heathrow but we land pretty much on time & a lot softer than in South America (must be the quality of the BA pilots eh Robin). Jog off the plane in an attempt to create a gap between us & the cheap upgrade chavs, squeeze on the shuttle before them so hopefully thats the last we ever see of them. Passport is not too rammed, but they’ve installed extra auto booths, less people apart from the ones in the queue herding us away from the few remaining humans. Frustrating but doesn’t take very long. Soon at baggage & soon reunited with our bags, can you believe it, 11 flights, all round Argentina & Brazil and we still have all our bags. As a matter of fact the only things we lost were a scrunchy & a travel towel bag. Find our Addison Lee chap & we’re soon on the move, well until we hit a rather large traffic jam on the M25. We have a little moan to ourselves as returning travellers do, never had to queue at passport control in Argentina, never got stuck in traffic jams in Brazil. I guess the rampant crime & corruption would be equally annoying if we lived there.
Eventually arrive in Hornchurch at 4:30 to find everything as it was, thanks to our vigilant neighbours & children our home wasn’t ransacked while we were away, bonus. Right so cart everything into the games room ready to commence the process of unpacking, cleaning, washing, putting away & repacking for Whistler. I head up to the local coffee emporium, that doesn’t offer dolce de leche lattes, while Jo makes a start. Make good progress, but there is quite a lot to tackle in the next few days. Time for a bit of visiting now I think so head over to Rachael who has been “working from home” & now the kids are back too. More traffic jams on the way to Thurrock (never had that in South America) but we make it & enjoy a tearful reunion, well once Callum tears himself away from FIFA on the X-Box he is tearful, get the biggest hug ever from Georgia. Catch up on news of family, alas Michaela is still coming home from this place she calls “work” & all too soon its time to head home.
Start to feel a bit unwell on the way, think at first its just the grinding traffic & the terribly cold weather but as I pull onto the drive its clear that all is not well in the tummy department. Head straight upstairs, return from the bathroom considerably lighter than when I entered but sadly this will not be my only visit for this evening.
Spend the next day or so recovering so not much to report for day 43. Meanwhile JT sorts out the kit solo, looks like she did a fine job.
Day 44 sees me a bit brighter but both of us have developed a cold, do we really have to live in such a cold country, maybe the crime & corruption wouldn’t be so bad when its 30C every day. Yes Sue, Jo has a cold, not pleurisy or pneumonia, although I’m not ruling out Zika. I have the added pleasure of a trip to the dentist so we take the usual morning road trip to Canary Wharf where I see Mark Hughes, not the former Man Utd hardman striker & Stoke manager, but his tooth bothering namesake. Everything checks out teeth wise but I have a small abscess which he writes me a prescription for, that should hopefully keep me out of the clutches of the Butcher of Blackcombe that relieved me of a tooth & a wad of cash last year. Next up I meet my boss for a coffee, just to see what the likelihood of having a job when I come back, turns out the odds are reasonable, that should help in convincing JT that we she add another trip before we go back. Find JT at the other end of the Wharf then head South for our hair cut. Wiz round the shops then its time to head home to scoff our lunch while we catch up on Ski Sunday & get ourselves in the mood for our next trip.
Day 45 finds me feeling much better, but alas JT has succumbed to her cold far worse than I, well she is a girl. No Sue, I don’t think it’s Tuberculosis. I make a lovely breakfast of smoked salmon & eggs then we head over to visit Kayla, who is “working from home” (does no one in my family go to work?). Have a lovely chat & retrieve most of the ski gear loaned for her boarding trip to France, well apart from my favourite socks that, reading between the lines, Scott is quite keen on hanging on to. Pop in to see my long suffering Dad & Mum, who are well, as usual in good form with quips & anecdotes. Head home & there’s no putting it off, we have to pack again. Skis & assorted equipment, variety of ski clothing for all weathers & conditions and a decent selection of going out clothes, rather keen not to repeat recycling the same two shirts that became the norm on our last trip. Actually goes quite well, think we’ve got everything we need but not over the top & comfortably fitted in our cases.
Day 46, while I’ve still got niggling sniffles, JT seems to have gone further downhill with a nasty chesty cough. No Sue I'm pretty sure it's not meningitis, but I think she coughed up a lung a one point. Nevertheless she manages to accompany me to Le Moulin, our High St French patisserie. Devour their wonderful selection of pastries & croissants, reward server Joe with hug for his 5 years of service then it's home via Tesco for some entertaining supplies. Potter at home while we continue to dig out things we've forgotten then before long the Freemen arrive. Oliver & Elliott are in fine form as usual, quite crazy & looking forward to Callum & Georgia coming round. Have a delightful afternoon of birthday cake for Oliver & Isabelle, chat with the rest of the assorted Malsters, Thomas & Freemans about our trip & the exciting news from home. All too soon it's time for Jo's clan to leave us with Rachael, Michaela & the Scotts to polish off the remaining food & all the Malbec in the house.
Days away from work 57
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Hostest with the Mostest
Distance travelled - 30,201km (16,309nm)
Beers downed = 67
Steaks devoured = 30
Gins quaffed = 17
Days since I had a decent gin = 0
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 9
Caipirinha quenched = 3
Khaluas savoured = 2
Mojitos sipped = 2
Sakes sank = 1
Alarm goes off at 7, heralding our last day back in this sceptred isle. JT heads for the bathroom while I head for the kitchen to cook up a breakfast of salmon & eggs followed by a Moulin pastry desert course. Jo is off at 9 o/c with her new church regime, leaving me to my own devices. Have to forgo my usual Sunday morning of parading around d in Jo's underwear as I have to tackle these unruly Apple gadgets & try to make the "cloud" do what I want for a change. The whole time we were away the iPad relentlessly uploaded every single photo to my Photostream, sitting there smugly saying "yeah, those 20 pictures of a waterfall you took while you were trying to get just the right exposure, I've put them all on the Cloud, clever ain't I". Well now I want it to upload just the photos I actually want, it's a different story. My imaginary conversation goes something like trying to talk to a rather surly employee....
"So Mac, have you uploaded the photos I asked you to?" - "err no"; "why not" - "well you imported 2,000 photos the other day, I was going through them"; "don't worry about them, just upload the photos I asked you to" [silence]....some time later "so Mac, how's the Photostream going?" - "oh yeah, I've done 4"; "4!, why only 4, what have you been doing?" - "well I told you, you imported all those photos, I was going through them" - "but I told you the ones I wanted, how come you've only done 4?" - "oh well, I was updating your music library too"; "ok, I didn't ask you to, but how's that going?" - "yeah, I couldn't find those 5,000 tracks you've got on an external drive cause you unplugged it"; "ok, so just forget about that, just do the photos" - "yeah ok, well I've deleted them from all your devices now anyway. Hang on, what are you doing with that hammer, I wouldn't do that if I were you Dave......."
Anyway, after all that it's time for something ultimately more sensible, banking. Establish that I haven't been cleared out by any of the young ladies I gave my credit card to in South America, my employer has continued to pay me even though I haven't bothered to show up for work in two months & BA still haven't refunded me for Rachael's flights. Right time to do something tangible, get the last few items packed, including the book I found last night on the secret super gnarly runs that Scott Dennis was salivating over.
JT arrives home with coffees & fixes me some lunch while I watch 15 minutes of the only decent cricket England have played in the dismal second half of the limited overs section of their tour of the Saffas. Addison Lee chap turns up 30 minutes early, feel hurried but he's just have to sit there as last minute jobs seem to have piled up. Never mind, get off on time & it's a good run round the M25 while I chat to our friendly chubby driver. Dropped off at T3, which is a rather unwelcomed change from the T5 we're used to. Shun the quiet business check in for the separate first class section, where we queue before being told to carry our skis down the corridor & put them on a cart. Through security (no fast track), pop into Boots to get Jo some "I've just coughed up my spleen" cough medicine. Further horrors await at the lounge where JT discovers, unlike T5, the Elements spa at T3 doesn't do nails (I offer to give her a facial in our hotel room, but that doesn't seem to help). Then the horror of all horrors, they only have Gordon's gin! I'm about to walk out of the terminal when the flight is called, ironically at a gate so far away it could be in a different terminal.
Onboard & upstairs we're calmed with a glass of champagne by a considerably lovelier crew than our return from Rio. Get off the ground pretty much on time, some nice views of London in the early evening before giving way to the clouds that regularly blanket our county. Served a few Tanqueray & Fevertrees, which I'm much happier with. Dinner arrives & is very nice, chicken caesar salad with quails egg to start, followed by beef with savoy cabbage, apple pie for pudding & being pretentious sods we wash down with a Californian red for me & a Kia Royale for Jo (yes Pete, this is all served together in a trough). Settle into the first of our films, Spectre. A good fun film continuing the theme of Bond battling the establishment who want their people to do as their told rather than take initiative (I can relate to that). JT is enjoying the new Bond as usual, drooling throughout, but I don't think the damp patch on her chair is saliva. Comments she's putting one of the scenes in the bank, not sure what she means by that.
Up next is Macbeth, a spectacularly shot, powerfully acted original adaptation of the Shakespearean masterpiece, all rather heavy going though. Go our separate ways after that, JT burning her bra with Suffragette & me writing a blog full of sexist innuendo. Afternoon tea is served by the oppressed cabin crew, nice selection of sandwiches & cakes. Captain reports he's been up against a stiff one for some time, so a bit of a delay. Touch down just before 7:30 & we're soon in the quiet & familiar Vancouver airport. No queue at customs, seen by a human, then over to the baggage carousel, which we have to ourselves. Short wait but then our bags are about the first off so we head over to oversized to wait for our skis. Skis take ages & when they eventually do arrive a few more flights have come in & reclaim is now heaving with a big queue for the "hand your bit of paper to the one bloke standing there who doesn't even look at it" queue. It's only a few minutes though & we're soon greeted by the ever reliable, ever loveable Brooke & soon we're in his truck weaving through the city, over the bridge & onto the sea to sky highway.
Brooke updates us on what's been going on in resort & in Canada over the last 12 months, he also fills us in on his Brasillian girlfriend (lucky Brooke) & we chat about all things South American. JT has long lapsed into a coma when we pull into the the Westin but like a homing pigeon she is as alert as a dove when we arrive. Bid a fond farewell to Brooke & get checked in by the slightly scatty girl on reception then up to our room in the East tower. Have the usual debate with myself, is this as big as last year, what's the view like, do I prefer the West tower, but it's all pretty much the same so why worry. No time to unpack, with all the delays we're behind schedule & need to get to Market Place before they shut. Quick jog through the chilly village, we have 5 minutes to get our supplies, which we do & are soon jogging back.
Get unpacked, which we are most efficient mammals, having honed our strategy over a number of years we know where everything goes. Take a shower, then cup of tea with a bowl of Cinnamon Crunch on the sofa before hitting the hay 28 hours after getting up this morning.
Days away from work 58
Likelihood of returning to work 65%
Most likely alternative = Lounge critic
Distance travelled - 37,898km (20,465nm)
Beers downed = 67
Steaks devoured = 31
Gins quaffed = 21
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 9
Get up in the night to visit the loo, find JT on the sofa on the way back, hadn't noticed her get up but to be fair it is a big bed. I'm guessing she had a coughing fit in the night, in an case it's early & I'm tired so back to sleep. Alarm goes off at 7:30, I'm already awake but it prompts me to get my ass up. Sounds like Jo had a tough night, not getting much sleep & coughing up her giblets, but still she's hungry so we head down for our traditional first morning breakfast blowout in the restaurant.
Breakfast fayre in the Westin is as wonderful as ever, muesli starter followed by egg, bacon & sausage, try something that looks like it could be corned beef hash but turns out to be some sickly sweet apple mush, how wrong can you be. Finish with their stunning blueberry pancakes, which prompts JT to do her impression of Fabienne from Pulp Fiction. Back up to the room for a rest, kinda funny on the first day, on the one hand we've been waiting on this all year but then we spend a long time travelling so shouldn't be too harsh, in any case it's only 10:30.
It's a glorious day & the forecast is bluebird skiing all week, colder today though so it's the proper ski outfit. Get the boots on, got a feeling there will be plenty of fetling throughout today. Pop into the ski valet in the lobby to get out stickers updated so we can just drop slope side on our way down. As you know, we like little traditions but in a rare breakaway we're up Blackcomb for our first day. Quiet at the gondola, have one to ourselves, fiddle with the boots for the tiny run over to the lift, up the Excalibur chair, bigger run down to the Jersey Cream but we still haven't got going. Right then the long rolling blue of Springboard has the honour of being the first run of the 2016 season. It's all starting to come together, I haven't forgot how to ski which is nice, JT is a little more reticent but is looking good. Have four more runs down the mid mountain blues, with a few mogul blacks thrown in for me. Jo realises that she shouldn't think too much (works for me) & just enjoy her skiing which yields good results.
Time for a break so over to Glacier Creek lodge, via the double diamond Jersey Cream wall for me. Meet JT at the lodge, park our skis, head inside for a coffee & a treat while catching up on social media. Just a short pit stop & we're soon on the Glacier chair where we meet a lovely Aussie couple who latch onto Jo's mountain knowledge. Head down with our new antipodean friends along the Crystal Traverse to the blues on the side of Blackcomb bathed in sunshine. Ski some fine variations of Rock n Roll, Zig Zag & the like until the clock ticks round to 3pm. Feeling good from some fine on piste skiing, Jo sends me up alone to have some fun & since Fun in my Chinese neighbours middle name, I can not refuse. On the Glacier chair I mull over my options, Spanky's Ladder is tempting but will take too long so just decide to run the lift line. Start off with some rocky moguls, then ignore the cliff signs to find myself on, well, a cliff, have to slip slide down, no way I'm gonna put in a turn as it really is vertical. Off piste run under the lift is fine & I avoid the remaining cliffs. Ski past a couple of guys planning their line down the next steep section, quite liked that & skied it well. Next down the moguly Dakine, out the other end & see a little jump I fancy, only it's not a little jump, on the other side of the rock is a 2 metre drop, I'm not going fast enough to jump it, not slow enough to stop, so just drop. Wade out of the snow to find some guy apologising to me, I ask why he tells me he just jumped over me, didn't notice. Return to JT without further incident, at least she said have fun rather than be careful. Talk Jo into taking the black Catskinner on the home run, which is all fine as are the rest into the village, albeit rather slushy at the bottom.
Hand our skis to the slope side valet, skip up to the room, wrestle my boots off & free my aching feet. Jo says we should take turns to get the coffees from the Starbucks concession downstairs & today is my turn. Return with the lattes while we take a break with the Discovery channel before taking a break from Alaska programmes with some quirky comedy called Modern Family.
Get ourselves washed & glammed up for dinner at The Keg, well it is our tradition & you know how much we like traditions. Unfortunately The Keg has a 30 minute wait, that's not good as JT was falling asleep walking to the restaurant so hop into the downstairs bar, Brandy's. Turns out they now have the same menu as upstairs so Jo can still get her first night blow out steak without having to hide in the ladies for a pre dinner nap. Her cold & all this coughing has lost Jo her voice (what man hasn't wished for that), so I have to do all her talking for her. This results in many "amusing" opportunities for me, like "a beer for me & a Sprite for my son" or "I'll order for her, my friend is a mute". Watch the hockey that is on here 24/7 & boarders riding sick lines down incredulously steep pitches. Dinner arrives & we were worried that after 30 South American steaks anything else will be a let down, we needn't have, these are fine slices of cow.
With JT putting two chairs together & preparing to hunker down for the night, it's time to head back to our latest holiday bolt hole. Brush Jo's toothy pegs & tuck her up in bed before I fall asleep on the sofa trying to update the blog
Run Table
Blue - 17
Black - 3
Green - 2
Double Diamond - 1
Most skied = Rock & Roll, Ross's Gold & Springboard - 2
Run of the day = Ross's Gold
Days away from work 59
Likelihood of returning to work 65%
Most likely alternative = Translator for the speech impaired
Beers downed = 69
Steaks devoured = 33
Gins quaffed = 21
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 9
Alarm goes off at 7, but again I'm already awake. Check the bed to find JT still there & still coughing, can't see any organs coughed up though, she must be getting better. Jump up & make our Whistler breakfast staple, oatmeal with cranberries & raisin toast, both with a light topping of Aunt Jemima, although wishing I'd got the real maple syrup when we went to the shops. Listen to Radio X, which we never do on weekday mornings at home as it has the annoying bafoon Chris Moyles, but being 8 hours behind we are in the relative safe hands of Johnny Vaughn's Drive Time show. Browse The Times, not much to report, Boris is backing Brexit. Although eager to get on the mountain we still can't help having a potter, Jo says its good as she's still not feeling 100%, we should be able to use that excuse for one more day.
Get stretched & dressed, I'm in my lightweight gear today, orange pants & Red Bull Jacket. That jacket has been a top buy, it's been to the top of every mountain, 3 seasons skiing & pretty much every weekend in between, all for 20% of Jo's Arc'teryx super jacket. The only thing it lacks is the vast array of pockets one gets in a ski jacket, JT has a wondrous idea of getting an iPod wrist band for my lift pass, try a few shops on our way to the lift but alas none have what we're looking for. Maybe a gap in the market, may get ourselves on the Canadian Dragon's Den, eh. Bit of a queue for the Whistler gondie but we're onboard in about 10 minutes. Scooch off at the top & JT already has our runs planned, we're heading down Whiskey Jack, onto our all time favourite Dave Murray, then Tokum into the Garbanzo chair. Do 3 more variations, swapping the icy Bear Paw for Tokum, picking up the pace each time. Right, time to run the full Dave Murray into Creekside. I line up on the GMC start gate with Tony's parting words that he expects an improvement on my last time ringing in my ears. I set off at good pace at the top, fly down the steep middle section, then make a bad call taking a shortcut through the icy moguls which slows me up, head into the rollers on the bottom section with my legs burning, but I can't let Mr Malster down, I have to push on smoking past the few other skiers on the run. Pull into Creekside in 6 mins 47 sec, down on the 2013 record of 6'15" but a respectable first attempt & plenty of room to pull it in, I'm setting a sub 6 min target.
Lovely girl from Kent sees to my every whim in Dusty's, which wastefully is limited to a tea & a coffee. Outside on patio I find JT basking on the warm, sunny patio waiting to be serviced. Enjoy our little pit stop then hop onto the Creekside gondie to mid stations. Up the Holmes (Big Red) Express, down Fish Eye, Little Red Run & Lower Franz then it's time for the peak. The peak is gloriously sunny, conditions are prime to do any run you like, this is panning out to be a fine season. Head down the The Saddle, icy in places, although only a blue, it's steep & always a run you've got to to watch out for. Jo stops me on the way down to suggest I go back up while she takes some on piste blues, then meet in the Chic Pea for our second stop. Sounds good to me so say our goodbyes & wiz over to the peak chair.
So quiet on the mountain today I have a chair to myself while I contemplate what madness to undertake. While not particularly mad, I set my sights on the Whistler Bowl, then take it from there. Entrance is, as usual, narrow & icy, moguls are big at the top so exercise some caution before letting rip from half way where they're about the size of a small car. Traverse over to Shale Slope which turns out to be a fine run, steep, lumpy & plenty of powder, I ski it pretty damn well even if I do say so myself. No trails that get me to the Chic Pea so it's down to the Holmes via Jimmy's Joker & off to meet my lady.
Grab a coffee & share a sandwich for turkeys before hatching a plan to ski top to bottom for the run out. Down Dave Murray, up to the peak then set off for the run all the way to the village. Start with the steep Saddle where I foolishly burn extra lactic acid with some off piste, rest on the relatively flat greens of Pony Trail & Bear Cub before its back onto the steeps with Dave Murray & Tokum, then Crabapple & the village run which, with burning legs, is mercifully a lot less slushy than the Blackcomb run in.
Kick our skis off in the plaza, hand them to the valet, then into the ski school to book our Max 4 lesson for Thursday. Strip off in the room when JT, good to her word, takes her turn on getting the coffees in. Relax in front of the fire while watching Science of the Stupid. Eventually drag our asses off the sofa for a shower then get extra glammed up as we're off to Earls tonight, as is our second night tradition.
Up the stairs to Earls we put our name down for the 25 minute wait, going down the stairs is a rather more difficult proposition as are legs have stiffened up from the days exertions. Pop into the chemist, Jo needs to ask for something stronger for her organ dislodging cough, pharmacist recommends "coughing up your diaphragm" syrup, fingers crossed huh. Spend the rest of the wait time looking in vain for lift pass / iPod sleeve, nobody has them but everybody knows somewhere that might.
Return to Earls where as usual the girls see us & are excited that Jo's dad will be joining us, but tragically they are once again heartbroken, having to be content with the signed topless photos he left round the village 3 years ago. It's a couple of Rhino beers for us, JT goes for her favourite whole chicken & side of beef combo. I spy a couple of nice looking chicken salads but am confused by the vegetarian symbol alongside, I query this with the Doris, she says these dishes can be modified for vegetarians, right so doesn't that apply to any dish, I mean take the cow & chicken off Jo's meal & it would be vegetarian. Anyhoo, satisfied it has chicken, I order the salad, being a healthy fellow. Well healthy & they do a fine sticky toffee pudding which is up next with my espresso (I actually wanted a machiatto but she wasn't good looking enough to explain the difference).
Satisfied we head back in the deceptively chilly evening via a couple of possible pass holder places but no, we'll add retail outlet to our Dragon's Den pitch. Back in the Westin I clean up Jo, get her in her jammies & tuck her up in bed. For the second night running I fall asleep on the sofa writing the blog, never mind will have to wait till the morning
Days away from work 60
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Ski pass holder inventor & distributor
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 5
Run of the day = Dave Murray
Beers downed = 72
Steaks devoured = 33
Gins quaffed = 21
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 9
Again I'm awake before the alarm, but today it's because I think the alarm is set for 7:30, but actually it's 7, or it would be if I had set it. JT comes over to snuggle up, which is nice, until I realise it's her way of getting me up so I can make her breakfast. Put the oatmeal on which gives me 3 minutes to get everything else ready. Eat our tasty breakfast while Phil Clifton then Johnny Vaughan entertain us on Radio X. Have a bit of a an internet search for iPod wristbands, find a really cool one in a sweatband, but it takes 6-10 days to deliver, in any case JTs latest idea is to just tuck it in my baselayer, so that's what I'll try today.
Washed, brushed up & a reduced potter we get out to the lift. Blackcomb today which as usual has no queue whatsoever. That doesn't stop the a group of guys piling on between Jo & me, is this the last gondola ever I ask. These guys seem to have a ongoing game of 20 questions, but then spend the ride up debating the rules of the game, what is an idea, are they mutually exclusive, what is the platonic nature of trees, what's the true meaning of existentialism & they all look in their 20s. As we approach the top I ask what time they're getting on tomorrow as I wouldn't want to miss another round, the remaining ride is frosty. Get a couple of chairs over to the Rendezvous then a run down Ross's Gold to warm up the legs before its back up & over to 7th Heaven.
This side of Blackcomb mountain is bathed in sunshine as we enjoy a couple of good runs down Hugh's Heaven. Next up Jo wants to try out some junior moguls but with no specific ungroomed runs over here we just pick our way off piste. I lead Jo down some easy stuff, into some more challenging then end up on the big icy ones under the lift line. Jo is not impressed, stomping off to find another pitch, didn't quite catch what she said with my music on, something about a sock bucker. I continue on down making short work of the relatively shallow pitch before coming a cropper on the black moguls leading into the lift, just to maximise everyone's amusement. Next lift up is a little frosty which gives us the opportunity to listen to the vacuous girls who totally like got, you know, drunk last night, it was awesome. JT not being one to give up suggests we head all the way over the Zhiggy's Meadows, the rough off piste at the end of the traverse. We ski that well a couple of times, picking our way down to the lift. I spot a jump opportunity that's a little bigger than I expected, I land completely in the back seat, on one ski but somehow manage to keep my feet, meanwhile JT nearly falls on her ass from laughing so hard.
Time for a pit stop at the Horstman Hut, treating ourselves to a tea / coffee & share of a cookie. Now I don't think I'm in a particularly intolerant mood today but there's another couple next to us who are really irritating, talking on speaker to their mother, then some friends, none of which seem particularly interested in speaking to them. With our drinks drunk & our friends who have never been out before preparing for another call it's time to leave the hut. Decide to have a post break warm up before going our separate ways.
We're both heading for Glacier Creek, Jo takes the Green Line, Jersey Cream & Cougar Milk (which reminds me, last night she said she would date a 28 year old guy). I am heading through the little hut to the other side, the hut has an Experts Only sign, I consider myself an expert, regardless of my actual ability. Ski through the hut & they're not kidding, there's a narrow run next to a cliff with no easy out. Down the chute, traverse across into the bowl then just go for it. It's steep & soft but not that bad so ski down to the end of the pitch. I want to get across the T Bar but the sides are steep & there's loads of avalanche debris so just pick up the Blue Line. Take the blacks of Dakine & Davies Dervish into the Glacier Creek lodge & the waiting JT. Grab a quick coffee in the lodge while Jo eyes up the giant mogul black that overlooks us, "That doesn't look too bad, let's do it" she says. We ride the Glacier Chair up, along the Crystal Travers until we find a likely candidate, Overbite. There's a sign up saying "danger, hidden rocks & obstacles", so Jo sends me down first. Actually she's going to meet me at the next pitch so skis round. Top of the next pitch the obstacles are not hidden, rocks & treetops are everywhere, along with a couple of stoner boarders toking on a roach at the top of the run. I think we can ski round them & into the relatively smooth moguls below, Jo leaves me to it, possibly payback for leading her astray this morning.
Meet at the bottom to ride the Jersey Cream up for our home run. Take the super fast Catskiner, then Slingshot, the lumpy Gear Jammer & into the slushy run in round the tube park. Kick off our skis, hand them to the valet & walk home, peeling our layers off as we go, we're hot after a hard day on the mountain. Stretch & change back in the room, Jo magnanimously offers to get the coffee for the second day in a row. Enjoy our lattes with a cookie while we catch up on emails from home. Take a breather on the sofa while watching the Discovery Channel favourites of Boarder Control, off grid loonies & fishermen.
Jo drags me into the Rip Curl shop to buy her a couple of tops on our way to the other end of the village for our regular treat of fist & chips at The Brewhouse. Shock of horrors though, they've got a function on & its an hour wait, too rich for our blood we're off to find somewhere else. I suggest Indian, Jo recoils, on a Wednesday night?!? Ok how about a burger at the GLC, done, but first might as well do our shopping at the Market Place since we're down here.
Shopping dropped off we head round the corner & climb the stairs to the Garibaldi Lift Company, which as usual is quite lively. Order a pitcher of Kolkanee & some nachos to start, well we've had half a cookie since breakfast & it's now 8pm. GLC burgers are up next as we polish off the rest of the pitcher while discussing the relative merits of using escorts, comforting to know Jo wouldn't use one for church functions.
Bill paid we somehow struggle down the stairs, oh down stairs are painful, stagger back to the hotel, tipsy & stuffed. I once again get JT ready for bed & having had the foresight to complete the blog in the bar, I read her a bed time story before tucking her in, kissing her forehead & popping her nightlight on.
Days away from work 61
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Blackcomb mountain guide
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 5
Run of the day = Hugh's Heaven
Beers downed = 76
Steaks devoured = 33
Gins quaffed = 21
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 9
I don't make the same mistake as yesterday & risk JTs wrath, I've given up on her 1980s travel alarm clock & set the iPad alarm, with the Ski Sunday theme, that should do it. Just as well as I've more work this morning, scramble the eggs, toast the bagel, cream cheese the bagel & finally add the smoked salmon. The smoked salmon here is wild & wonderful. Cinnamon Crunch desert, catch up on news from home, Callum & Georgia doing well at school & news from the UK, more EU drama & Adele winning 4 Brits, both making front page of The Times (Callum & Georgia didn't make the front page). Bit of a surf & potter before getting myself together, washed, shaved, stretched & into the ski gear.
Back on Whistler this morning, to keep the symmetry & we have a lesson this afternoon. Bit of a queue but it's only 10 minutes & we don't have to share the gondie with pretentious American students who haven't been laid yet. There is, however, a rather precocious girl with her dad, after asserting she has been to the peak with ski school, dad asks how did she get down, "we skied of course!". Out at the top it's no surprise to find that JT has the first set of runs all planned for us. Head out to Harmony over the traverse, then down the super fast GS. Bit of a queue for Harmony too, but nothing by European standards, or even weekend Whistler. Run down Harmony Ridge looking for some action, ski over to McConkey's & decide that's too much action for first thing, ski Low Roll, a cheeky little rough. Jo, who is increasing in confidence all the time, declares she wants to ski Camel Back she's seen from the lift, so head down Pikka's Traverse from the lift. Entrance is rather steep & moguly so JT decides to ski round to the other side & start from there, I head straight in. I'm in the middle of the bowl, it's steep & powdery waiting for JT, when I see her coming round the road well below, ha she's stitched me up again. Ski down & pick our way through under the lift line.
Back at the top of Harmony it's nearly 12, I manfully take the steep bowl off the back of the peak, Little Whistler then wiz over to the Roundhouse for a coffee break before our lesson at 12:45. Refuelled we plod up to the lesson station where we're grouped with another couple & another chap, we're going to have a couple of runs to work out who's going where. Down the "Whiskey Jack Couliour" we're split into JT & Cindy and Cindy's husband & the other guy, I'm given the choice, I choose sticking with JT & the affable Aussie instructor. We ski down to the Emerald while Aussie Tim gets the measure of us, Jo is cautious as we know, Cindy is all over the place but somehow manages to ski fast, I of course am often mistaken for an instructor. Up to the peak & over to Symphony where we spend the rest of the afternoon skiing a little on piste but mostly off piste. It's a little tame if I'm honest, I was looking forward to something a more challenging, a little further off piste than off the side. JT agrees it was a little tame, however I think the instructors are always a bit reluctant to stretch you too much on a half day lesson & in any case you always pick up points to improve your skiing, which we surely did.
Say our goodbyes to Tim & Cindy who are skiing out at the 3 o/c lesson end. JT & I head up Harmony again, capture the rough, steep Camel Back that Jo "missed out" on this morning, followed by mainly off piste till we hit the Emerald Chair, which is still running so a great opportunity to get back up for a decent run in. Get chatting to an Irish chap on the lift who moved here a few years ago & still works remotely for the same software company in Dublin, hmmm interesting. Choose our favourite route from the Roundhouse, Dave Murray into Tokum, then Crabapple & the run home. Our Aconcagua conditioning is paying off as we are skiing longer runs with fewer breaks & regularly skiing the run home in one go.
Arrive in the village, kick off & hand off our skis to the valet & skip back to the hotel. Stripped off & stretched, change into my jammies & head down to the Starbucks concession. Return with two lattes & a pocket full of change for the laundry room, which Jo takes along with the washing. Our first ever venture into self laundry, but it makes sense rather than paying for someone to wash & iron your pants or have the room fumigated when I leave my socks too long without a wash. Settle down with some puerile TV while we unwind from our afternoon in school.
Washing retrieved & my socks not walking in on their own it's time to head out for the evening, go into the Carlton Lodge to chat to Extremely Canadian about a backcountry tour, which we book. The child booking us in comments that I have the same name as the Matchbox 20 singer that was big when he was a kid, well that would be 20 minutes ago then. All booked in for Monday after Sunday's dump, we trot down for our second attempt at the Brewhouse. It's a 40 minute wait tonight, only marginal shorter than yesterday but hey ho, we've come this far. Get settled with a couple Lifties (the larger, not the grundgie types that man the lifts), watch a bit of the Vancouver Bear Rimmers & chat about our backcountry expedition. Oh & Jo actually clumps me for flirting with the waitress, not sure why this one was any different from all the others I flirt with, women huh. Our table is ready, no need for the menu, we go for our Brewhouse staple of fish & chups, with another Liftie of course.
Stuffed & a little squiffy we head back for the longish walk through the chilly village back to our little home. Teeth brushed, stripped off we jump into bed, I know there is nothing to be gained from a sit on the sofa. JTs plan is to read a while so she doesn't fall asleep too early & be unable to get back to sleep, this plan lasts about 3 minutes when I take her book off her, turn off the light & say night nights.
Days away from work 62
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Ski instructor
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 6
Run of the day = GS Run
Ski Sunday gets me up & into the kitchen, salmon bagels & eggs again while Johnny Vaughan reminds us that it is Friday in the real world. Catch up on news, apparently BBC Persia has upset the hardliners in the upcoming Iranian elections so they have put up billboards parodying the Queen as a camel. Apparently they trust us even less than the Americans, now there's an insult for you. Meanwhile in Canadia where everyone loves us we prepare for our day on the mountain, JT is following me in the lightweight gear, partly as she doesn't want to look like a snow princess on our hardcore backcountry day.
Head up Whistler again today as we have unfinished business with runs to tackle fresh from our lesson, especially Symphony with the warm, sunny forecast. Good call from JT takes us over from the peak cutting out the polling & the long chair on Harmony. Tis chilly on the peak though & the headwind slows us down on the traverse round to Symphony but we make it pole free. Take the long road round, cut through the off piste under the lift then onto Adagio for the run into the chair. Queue for Symphony lift is gargantuan, truly European standards, guess we're not the only ones to have seen the weather forecast. Jump in the singles line but gauging ourselves vs landmark groups it is not any quicker. The 30 minute wait puts us off another run down so we cut through & across the piste to the Harmony chair, while a bit busy, is nothing like Symphony, we take the singles like & are on our way up again in a jiffy. I take Little Whistler off the chair, same as yesterday but the light is really flat making it much more tricky & not nearly as pleasant. Find JT & we both tackle Camel Back, surprisingly, the light isn't any better 200m down so this run isn't really any better. Persevere down the lift line, the poor light making it very difficult to judge the bumps & anything more than 5 metres ahead is pretty indistinguishable, well that's my excuse as I take a fall right underneath the lift.
Although sunny first thing on Symphony, it's turned rather cloudy & windy, JT is feeling the cold in her lighter outfit today so time for a pit stop. Run down to the Chic Pea where Jo warms up with a bowl of their famous Moroccan Beef stew. Refreshed & a little full we take a gentle (ish) run down the Dave Murray taking some GoPro footage on the looky-looky pole. Ride the Holmes Express up & decide to go our separate ways, Jo is going to take in some mid mountain while I find something reckless from the peak.
Ride the chilly Peak chair up to, well, the peak then head for Whistler Bowl. Entrance has got very icy & gnarly since I last dropped in, it's a bit of a faff, light is better than on Harmony but still far from ideal. I run down the middle of the bowl a while but I really want to get over to the side, round the cliff & run down a tricky black called Surprise over by the bomb tram. It's a narrow cat track along the side of the cliff, you have to really commit to get enough speed to get up & over, then hope there's a run off over the blind ridge. There is a run off of sorts & I stop to survey the terrain. Top section between the two cliffs is pretty skiable, then the light drops as the slope opens up & it's really difficult to tell if it drops away or just peters out, it's the latter. Its starting to sleet now, but I'm determined to get another run in, even though the conditions are getting pretty grim. Back into the bowl I run further down heading for Shale Slope I skied the other day. This also has a narrow cat track for an entrance, I rather over cook it, flying down the ridge, not really in control, bounce from one track to the other, then back again, somehow I stay on my feet, which is good as there's a nasty drop off just below. Shale Slope is better but still not really worth it so I'm glad to get out, onto the bottom of the Saddle, down Fish Eye & into Lower Franz which is filled with whelks (or me a couple of seasons ago) then onto the Holmes Express to meet JT at the Roundhouse. Meanwhile JT has been exploring the alpine with the newly discovered Whisky Jack Couliour into Cougar Trails. Sadly she doesn't ride the lift up with any 28 year old guys looking for some mature action in the sauna, rather she finds a couple of Welsh girls looking for tips on Green runs. The usual helpful mountain guide can only reply "yeah I don't really ski anything like that", maybe the answer would have been different if they were a couple of young Aussie guys looking for Cougar Milk.
Anyhoo, find JT unmauled at the Roundhouse & with the sleet coming down quite hard we plan a 3 o/c exit from the mountain. Take Whiskey Jack into Dave Murray, Tokum, Crabapple (all very lumpy & a bit slushy) then into the village. Kick off & hand off our skis, trot to the Westin, stretch, change into the jammies then head down for coffee. Back in a jiffy we settle into our late afternoon routine of drinking coffee, eating biscuits & catching up on news from home. Callum & Georgia miss us, which is nice, Rachael is planning on doing something called Jumping Giants & climbing the O2.
No time for TV this evening, thanks to Johnny Vaughan's calendar reminder, it's Friday night curry night. Washed & smartened up we head out into the drizzly Whistler evening, since it's drizzling we decide to check out the new place round the corner, Masala Bistro. Menu is not wildly exciting but they do have belly dancers so it's well worth a try, it's a 45 min wait so back to plan A, Royal Taste of India, which according to Open Table is 1.1km away. Walk through the village, drizzle doesn't amount to much we're soon in our chosen Indian. Seated straight away, moving slightly away from the big group of Aussies & stick in our Kingfisher order (Cobra is for tourists). Food is bountiful & delightful but we are remarkably restrained, as we chat about possible holiday destinations to round off the sabbatical, Oman & Cayman Islands come out well but we're a while off booking. Well can't return from Whistler without another holiday planned, it will be impossible to get JT to leave. I think Jo is tempted to get a doggy bag, but then you don't see as many homeless in Whistler as in Rio.
Quick stop in the Grocery Store since we're down on supplies, then it's back through the not so chilly village to home. Usual routine once inside, JT struggles to stay awake to put her jammies on, passing out against the bedroom wall. I sort her out & tuck her up before climbing in myself & dreaming of a better day on the mountain tomorrow.
Days away from work 63
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Indian restaurant proprietor
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 8
Run of the day = Cougar Trail
Beers downed = 83
Steaks devoured = 33
Up with the Ski Sunday theme again, no time for snooze though, expecting a much busier mountain, we're aiming for a more efficient out today. Oatmeal & toast, coffee & a quick browse of the papers before getting washed up & ready for the off. Hit skiers plaza & the Whistler gondola is a zoo, but that's ok we're going up Blackcomb today, much busier than in the week but a lot better. Probably 10 minutes & we're out on Jersey Cream by 9:30 which is earlier than we've been leaving the room in the week.
Warm up run down Jersey Cream when I spot the GMC slalom race centre, there's just a couple of kids on it so challenge JT to a race. Get the GoPro on looky-looky stick & line up on the starting gate. Don't get much of a push off without my poles so JT smokes me all the way down, although GoPro malfunction means I get a second bite of the avocado. Line up again at the gate, 3-2-1 GO! I'm better but still slow off the mark, meanwhile put the usually cautious JT in a race & she turns ultra competitive, it's tight but she pushes for the line & wins. She wins but overcooks it & crashes into the fence, just like they do on the World Cup tour, she likes that but has taken a bit of a whack on her shoulder. We take an early stop to check on the damage but after a cup of tea JT is ready to take on the mountain again.
Cloud has rolled in while we were in the Glacier Lodge, we're a bit concerned this will end our day early but it's better at the top & once we traverse over to 7th Heaven it's blue skies. Warm & quite busy in the lift queue but not bad for a weekend.
Up top we choose the relatively easy blue of Hugh's Heaven then into the giant moguls of Sunburn. Back up we run the same at the top, go our separate ways in the middle as I run the lift line, then meet up at the top of Sunburn. Lift queue is easing during lunch as we repeat the same, Jo is eager to get some practice of the rough stuff before our backcountry trip on Monday. With that in I'm sent to the off piste through the trees, it's not bad but a bit icy. Next I'm sent to the back of Zhiggy's Meadows, which is steep, rocky & a bit powdery. Meet JT at the top of Sunburn report back that it will make good practice, so we head over there together. We're taking the rough stuff pretty well, I challenge JT to ski the last pitch in one go, thing is, I wasn't expecting her to ski it on her head as she takes a tumble & bounces down the rest of the pitch. Undeterred, the plucky little bugger dusts herself off & is ready to do it all again. Sure enough on the next go I stop for a rest, look round to see Jo linking turns through the lumpy, bumpy rough stuff, skiing past me & onto the next pitch.
Right it's 3 o/c, 7 runs on 7th Heaven since 11am, time to head down while we still have some legs for the slush at the bottom. Pick my way through the rocks at the top then onto Green Line to the Roundhouse for our run in. Find the usually super steep Catskinner not that steep, that's because I've ploughed into the blue Springboard instead. Ok so we ski this, then pick a route through the trees, cross the terrain park, through some strange snow rubble & we're back on track, with the added bonus of the steep moguls on Gearjammer as a going home treat. The rest of the run is really slushy & really heavy but we make it.
Kick off in the village where JT chats up a couple of the Captain America team that we have seen all over the mountain, 10 of them apparently on a stag do. In the room JT gets the coffees while I make the cream cheese bagels. Post the picture of JT falling at the slalom fence on social media & relax in front of the fire. Jo puts on her favourite The Fantastic Mr Fox, then promptly falls asleep on the sofa, probably just as well, we have a big night out at Dusty's tonight.
Get spruced up then down to reception, just miss the shuttle so get the door guy to call us a cab. Momentarily we are being whisked for our first foray out of the village. Arrive at Dusty's & it's a little quiet, we take our favourite high table with a view of the stage & variety of sports on TV. Order a pitcher of Kolkanee, I peruse the menu but JT has already decided, we're having Warrior burger. Amuse ourselves watching the group of old guys dressed as kings maul the poor waitress & a guy in a Tottenham shirt failing completely to make any impression with the girls he's playing pool with. Meanwhile beers & burgers are good but there's nothing much else going on so we get the bill & call for the shuttle.
Wait what seems like an age in Legends lodge until finally the Westin car arrives to shuttle us back to the sanctity of the village. Home at 10:20, we're practically pumpkins when we finally make it into bed. Jo finds some drivel to watch but it's all rather irrelevant as a) they'll be an advert in 5 minutes & b) we'll be asleep in 10.
Days away from work 64
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Slalom ski racer
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray & Sunburn - 8
Run of the day = Zhiggy's Meadows
Fall Table
Rob = 4
Jo = 2
Beers downed = 87
Steaks devoured = 33
Alarm goes off at a relaxing 7:30 today, have a bit of a lie in before eventually dragging ourselves to the sofa for a bit of a rest, listen to Classic FM & ease ourself into the day. What's the reason for this Lais a fare attitude I hear you ask, surely you have lots of pistes to fall over on, well not today. Combination of wanting a rest after 6 days hard skiing, slopes are busier at the weekend & the weather forecast is pretty grim, snow, low cloud & high wind. Eventually haul ourselves down to breakfast, decide to wait for a nice booth, we are intending to be there a while. Muesli starters then order eggs Benedict & blueberry pancakes (served separately Pete). While away the breakfast hours chatting, checking on social media (picture of JT falling over the race netting proved popular) & reading interesting articles in The Times. The story of Iris Grace, a girl in the Autism spectrum that paints like Monet & the cat that has encouraged her to talk is particularly interesting & touching. Finally pack up & leave the table at 11 o/c.
Such a mammoth breakfast we return to the room for a well earned rest. JT puts on Pretty Woman, although Julia Roberts does have a smoking body, I can not bring myself to watch such drivel. Talk Jo into watching an episode of Top Gear I downloaded on the iPad. JT struggles to stay awake, even though she has a crush on Richard Hammond, it's an enjoyable rest & distraction nonetheless. Time for a Rachael FaceTime, which coxes Jo off her sticky bed. Hear all about life back home & her trip climbing the O2, looks like she'll be following in her fathers footsteps. Finally allow Rachael to get back to her evening & keep check on Scott's reckless spending, for us it's time for our first browse of the shops.
Head over to our favourite Salomon shop, but there's nothing that catches our eye, well other than the cross running shoes, which I'm due after wearing mine out on the lower sections of Aconcagua. Not much in the sock department either which is bad news for Scott Dennis. Jo's all time Canadian favourite store, Lulemon is up next & not surprisingly she finds a saucy vest top that catches her eye. Pop in to a few other shops, which is a nice distraction but we really need to be discerning as we do have an array of outdoor gear. Jump into the Grocery Store to stock up on supplies for the room & for our expedition tomorrow. Had enough of browsing & dodging the rain, it's time to head home, picking up a coffee on the way.
While it's raining in the village it's snowing in the mountain, 16cm since we got up this morning & more forecast tonight & tomorrow. Upper lifts are closed too, justifying our day off & keeping the pow pristine for our return. Back in the room we must buckle down with our trip research. It really is quite hard work when you don't really know where you want to go in the world, it's rather short notice & realising JT has no idea whatsoever how much trips cost. Try to narrow down by direct flights, BA reward flights, flight time, while working out what we actually want to do. As Jemma predicted, diving features highly & since we're keen on just going to one place so manage to narrow down to Cancun & Muscat, ruling out Belize & Grand Cayman due to lengthy indirect flights. Visas & vaccinations look fine for both, i might be able to convince Adam that Cancun is after Canada alphabetically but Mexico brings us back into Zirka territory. Feeling a little tired from our research we leave it for now, vowing to finalise over dinner.
Freshened up from the exertions of the day we head out into the the still drizzly Whistler night, while not really dressed for it, it's a short hop to Sushi Village. Shock of horrors, our tried & trusted strategy of heading for the ever so popular raw fish emporium only during Fire & Ice has let us down, a two hour wait for a table! Quick conflab outside leaves us with GLC, which we may go to after our backcountry trip or Milestones which is in the Upper Village & might also be busy. Open up the iPad, connect to the ever reliable Telus free WiFi, pop up Open Table & hey presto a table for two booked for Jim Wishbone.
Arrive a little damper, quite tempted to put my Converse in front of the fire, but I think the odd German couple next to us might kill me. Manage to get our third choice beer & select relatively healthy options of chicken & fish, remembering they have quite a healthy desert menu. Food is all good, as is the lovely waitress with whom I flirt while JT shoots me daggers. She's from Toronto originally, been here two years, not sure what she wants to do next, I have some ideas but think she's looking slightly longer than this evening.
Can't put it off any longer, have to brave the very rainy Whistler evening to make the journey home. We do get quite wet on the way, hurry into the room, put the fire on & dry off. Dig our backpacks out, fill them with skins, assorted kit & snacks. Time to pack down for our big day tomorrow.
Days away from work 65
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Waitress career advisor
Most skied = Westin breakfast buffet - 3
Run of the day = Upper village run
Beers downed = 90
Steaks devoured = 33
Wake up & get up at 6:30, today we're heading out into the Garibaldi National Park for some backcountry hiking & skiing. Pop the porridge on, fix some toast & coffee, listen to Dan O'Connel on Radio X & browse the news. No time for lolly gagging around, wish up, stretch, get packed & ready, then it's round to the Carlton Lodge. Meet Julia our guide for today, tall & slender as they tend to be. Meet Lynda our fellow hiker, she's from Sweden, hasn't been ski touring before, looks a bit mumsy, think she could be a whelk. Get our backcountry supplies, transceiver, shovel & probe (oh er). Right, we're off jumping the queue in the Blackcomb gondola & hopping in where we get to know each other. We learn in the goodie that Lynda is a slalom racer, erm maybe it will be me that is the whelk. The rest of the goodie also learns that JT & I met when she threw herself at me at the Christmas party. We're all a little better informed as we head up the Excalibur & down to the Glacier Creek Lodge.
High lifts are not open yet so it's an ideal time to practice avalanche rescue before we leave the ski boundary. Julia introduces us to our equipment, gets us familiar with the the transceiver as we hunt down the one left on he backpack 20m away. Next up a more challenging task, we have to hide our eyes & count to 100 while Julia buries the transceiver in a skins bag. While it all seems pretty simple & it is, but there are key factors you have to remember, like going down low when you're within 6 metres that may save someone's life one day. We probe (oh er) & dig & rescue the skins bag, yay. Right with our skills to survive an avalanche it's time to head into the backcounty.
Up the Glacier Creek chair, onto the Showcase T Bar, a short hike to the Blackcomb Glacier, a little traverse & through the the park gate where there is a display telling you if your transceiver is working, nice. So time to get the skins on, ours are a little scruffy as I think the last time they were used when we hastily packed them away heading down Mt Elbrus. We do a pretty decent job of the hike up, it's all pretty straightforward, key is to make sure you glide not pick up your ski & put your riser in the right setting. It's not a bad hike, the sun even breaks through at times & we make it to the top of the East Col. Time to strip the skins, tighten everything up, put ourselves in ski mode for their run down. Julia glides off the top looking incredibly stylish & effortless, Lynda is off next, looking equally elegant as she dances through the pow, then JT looking less fluid, cautious but competent. I have been entrusted with the radio so I go last, this is the moment I've been waiting for, flying through knee deep virgin snow.........and I completely f*ck it up, I seem to have lost the ability to ski. I'm overthinking it, trying to do too much & it's all going wrong. I flap, flounder & flail all over the place. Eventually make it to the bottom, scratching my helmet trying to work out what's going wrong.
Skins back on, gratefully we're heading back up the hill where JT & I excel. It's a relatively short & rather pleasant hike to the next ridge where we set ourselves for the run down, called, I kid you not, Body Bag. It's icy & rocky at the top, which strangely I quite like it, I feel more confident in these conditions. Deep powder is next, right lets see what I make of this. Decide I'm not going to try to emulate Julia's gorgeous style, I'm going to take it slower, stay in control & hopefully get my mojo back. I manage to lift myself up to Jo's skiing as we both struggle, nowhere near Julia & Lynda but we keep it together & get down well. Lynda somehow manages to find some fellow Swedes out here in the Whistler wilderness & they have a good old hurdy gurdy chat.
Still no time for a Swedish reunion we've got yet another hill to climb. This is a long one as we hike up, round the bluff, through the trees for about 40 minutes until we finally come out on Disease Ridge. Again, other that the cornice, the name is a little gregarious. Julia apologises that this will be the last run, JT & I are gutted. It's a long pitch with a few rollers & deep pow, while we still find it hard work, we enjoy it & ski quite well. From here there's a wiz through the the trees, down a steep goaded run, another tree lined cat track & hey presto we're back inbounds.
We're on 7th Heaven now & everything is back to normal, JT & I are able to ski again. Run down the lumpy Cloud Nine, round the back of the lift & along Sunset Boulevard. Julia comes up to me at the top of Slingshot, "you're a really good skier" she say incredulously, I'll take that as a compliment. The run down is exceptionally slushy but the village is a welcome sight. Bid a fond farewell to Lynda, hand our gear back to Julia & stagger back to the hotel. We're hot & sweaty so hit the shower straight away before enjoying a well earned rest on the sofa.
Our original thought of giving Sushi Village goes out the window, it's hard enough to tempt JT out at all, but the offer of a Bear Paw & burger at the GLC gets her going. Roll in & take a seat under the big screen showing big mountain tricks in deep pow, just to show us how it should be done. Pretty Aussie server brings us the beers & burgers I promise Jo. Sit, chat & dissect the day, decide that it was a good trip. It's something we always wanted to do, good to get some more backcountry experience, we just need more practice. With that we drink up & trot back through the very chilly evening.
Freshen up & hop into bed where Jo has a rare treat........a nice cup of beddy tea. Enjoy our tea with some vintage Everyone Loves Raymond before packing down for a hard earned sleep.
Days away from work 66
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Backcountry guide
Most skied = Body Bag Bowl
Run of the day = Dead on Arrival
Beers downed = 93
Steaks devoured = 33
Back to 7am alarm, Ski Sunday theme gets me out of bed & into the kitchen. Scrambled eggs & toasted bagel, smoked salmon is still good but only enough for JT. Dan O'Connel & Johnny Vaughan on Radio X & a browse of the papers, migrant situation in Europe is looking increasingly ugly. We're both feeling a little stiff (oh er) this morning & not looking like we'll be setting any records for getting out. Eventually, through an incredible act of willpower I drag my lazy ass off the sofa, get washed, stretched & dressed for the day. Pick up our skis wander through the drizzly snow in the village to the Blackcomb gondie & we're on our way.
Quick hop across a couple of chairs & off to 7th Heaven, snow should be good, get a bit more pow practice in after our struggles yesterday. Lift is quiet & a bit slow, still the snow does look good, maybe a warm up then dive into the pow through the trees. As we come over the last ridge the wind picks up to an absolute gale, the chair is practically at a stand still as it battles against the ferocious wind. Up top it's a white out & a real struggle to make your way down the ridge, the usual coasting is replaced by constant poling, stop & you go backwards. Decide to take the first blue & hopefully drop out of the weather. Fresh powder is nice but there's a hard crust underneath & you can hardly see anything. Better down lower but the fresh snow has been churned up by the wind & the relatively few skiers that have ventured up here today. Miss our favourite Sunburn but vow to head up again for one more run on the off piste & finish on the black. Chat to an Aussie guy on the lift who was waiting for company as they're not allowing single riders due to the high winds. Aussie is a fellow Whistler veteran, having 5 season under his belt, talk about conditions last year (we can laugh about it now), where's been good to ski & the snow in Japan where he's just come from, really want to give that a try. Winds coming into the top are not as bad, making us look like whinging poms to our new fried, but soon gust up to worse than before. I want to drop out as soon as possible but JT has traversed a long way across. Finally we cut across Green Line & down towards the glades, trying to stick together but Jo can't see my orange pants even from a couple of metres. Make it to the ridge but with the wind still fierce we decide to ski out. I take the double diamond Jersey Cream wall, in deep powder & low visibility but somehow manage to stay on my feet, then some fun & occasionally surprising trips though the trees.
Down in Glacier Creek we decide it's time for a coffee, although we've only done a couple of runs we're wet, windswept & interesting. Warm up with a coffee & a pastry, then Jo uses every trick in the book to avoid going out again in the now heavy snow coming down. Visibility is pretty poor even down here but I'm hopeful that it will be ok up on the glacier. Not really sure how I came to that conclusion as both sets of T bars are closed and as we approach the top we can see why, the wind is even stronger than 7th Heaven, we huddle up & hunker down on the very exposed chair. Conditions at the top are similarly grim, winds gusting up to 80 km/h, pushing you back up the hill. We ski along the ridge in zero visibility, picking our way through fallen skiers & boarders, it's like a scene from Platoon, only colder.....and less blood......and without any Viet Cong, but other than that.
It's a little calmer at the Crystal Hut, although the snow is coming down even harder now. Take a run down Ridge Runner which has a lot of powder, albeit lumpy powder. I quite enjoy the conditions, feeling more comfortable bouncing up & skiing over the snow rather than making the fresh tracks we did yesterday. JT is not particularly feeling the love, finding it heavy going, wet & cold. We agree on one more go over here so I can run down one of the gladed blacks off the side. I choose the single diamond of Arthur's Choice as even I'm not reckless enough to go down a double diamond in these conditions, not through the trees anyhow. It's quite a gnarly run, switching between deep powder & hard ice pending on whether you go for a new line or one skied before. Make it out unscathed & meet JT at the lift.
Down through the lumps to the Jersey Cream, up to mid stations & plan our run home at 2:30, respectable in these conditions. Catskinner is also very lumpy but as a result not as steep but we run down pretty quick nonetheless. Over onto Slingshot & into Lower Gear Jammer, all needless to say, are lumpy, bumpy & hard work. Run into the village is, thankfully, not slushy at all & much quicker than previous days. Kick off my skis, then Jo's skis, hand them in & trot back through the snow. Although hardly pristine skiing, I enjoy these conditions, Jo magnanimously comments that I looked like an instructor all the way down & although pleased for me after yesterday, she does hate me a little bit. Magnanimous & a bit harsh on herself I think.
Strip off in the room, put the fire on & everything to dry in front of it. My turn to get the coffees in, which I do, then sit in front of the fire to warm up with the last of our packed lunch from yesterday. Catch up on emails, lovely one from Stevie G with news from the real world, entertaining as always, sounds like he's missing me. Discuss plans for this evening & tomorrow as we watch the now heavy snow float down past our window. While it is quite mesmerising we have vowed to get out early this evening to have another crack at Sushi Village. Washed & dressed by 6:15, we afford ourselves a little sit as there always the off chance they'll seat us straight away & we're not ready to eat yet. Have a browse of the Arc'teryx gear on the way out but all the good ones are girlies.
Make our way across the slushy village to Sushi Village, 45 minute wait, that's ok we have a few errands to run. Over to the Carlton Lodge to pick up our Fresh Tracks tickets that we may or may not use in the morning. We think we actually get served by a local but turns out he's just an Aussie in disguise. Now we're on the look out for a new looky-looky pole after snapping the cheapy one in the blizzard today. Nice chap from North Wales (there really are no locals working here) gives us a few options but settle on the most reasonably priced one. Drag Jo into a couple more shops but really she just wants a beer. Back in the Japanese fish shop it's a can of lager for the lady & a manly sake marguerita for the gentleman, which JT quite likes so I get her a strawberry one too. We're seated pretty shortly in a lovely booth by the window. Food is as usual spectacular, nigiri selection, spider & crunchy salmon special rolls, tempura, gyoza & yakutori. Chat more about our next trip, thinking about how many air miles to use I ask Jo if we're coming back to Whistler next year, she looks in horror that I would even ask, I guess we are. Relive memories of our 2009 trip, we're shocked that we were up on Harmony Ridge by 10am in those days but similarly we were getting to bed at 8:40. A fun trip down memory lane as we vow to catch up some more tomorrow.
It's stopped snowing in the village but still slushy & a little slippery, hopefully it will freeze overnight so we can head down to the bridge & watch people falling over tomorrow night. Back in the room Jo makes beddy tea & finds us some Raymond on TV. Pack down for our possible early start in the morning.
Days away from work 67
Likelihood of returning to work 50%
Most likely alternative = Sushi chef
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray & Sunburn - 8
Run of the day = Ridge Runner
Beers downed = 95
Steaks devoured = 33
Sakes sank = 3
Thank you Blydie for your kind words on my skiing prowess (as described by myself) & justifying our endless burger, dolce de leche & seafood gyoza eating. It's lovely to have you with us on our trip.
Up at 6 this morning for our fresh tracks experience, basically early upload on Whistler & breakfast in the Roundhouse. Quick juice, wash, stretch, dress & out. Skip across to find the queue for the gondie snakes all through the gates, across skier plaza, past the Blackcomb lift & probably all the way down to the Brewhouse. Have a mass debate, we're up early so we should just go for it, but on the other hand it's going to take 45 minutes to clear the queue & by that time the normal lift will be open. So decide to head back & use our ticket another day. Back in the room, strip off the outer layers, rustle up some breakfast & check on news form the outside world. Finally hear from Adam who I thought I would have to rescue from kidnapping Colombian drug barons, apparently he charmed them into letting him go, I can believe that. Veneta emails to say, reading between the lines, that she is missing her work husband terribly, fretting the likelihood of returning has dropped to 50%. Another email from Stevie G to tell us he met Robert from Everyone Loves Raymond, this is especially interesting to Jo since she likes him, as Steve rightly points out a massive guy like that would have a massive member.
Right fed & enriched it's time for another crack at getting out, not fresh tracks but before 9. Whistler gondola is still heaving but we're not about to head back for another rest, it moves quite quickly anyhoo. Ride up is interesting as we chat to a couple of Scotts about skiing in Scotland, JT remarks that Glencoe is a special place (as the locals say). Gregarious chap joins at mid stations, he's a mine of information, giving us tips that the Holmes Express is heaving & Harmony has just opened. We had planned to run down Dave Murray to start, with the last minute information takes us over to the quieter Garbanzo Chair. It's a good warm up first run, I'm feeling good but things not coming together for JT. Decide to do the same run down Dave & into Tokum, which is a bit lumpy but all good. Don't think there would have been any fresh grooming from last nights snow anyway. Jo is still feeling down on her skiing, not sure why, looks fine to me. In any case, she suggests mixing it up with some Symphony off piste. Not a girl to shrug a challenge this one.
Take the Peak Chair, which is busy but still quicker than the schlep round Harmony. It's a white out on top but soon drop out when we reach the entrance to Symphony, traverse across the off piste powder before joining a rather nice piste on Jeff's Ode to Joy. Fly down to the lift, which is still light & back up again. JT, good to her word, announces she wants to do Flute bowl, a set of bowls of varying steepness on the edge of the ski boundary. I find the first pitch at the edge of the bowl, it's steep, powdery & lumpy. Jo tells me she expects me to ski down like the super smooth expert before me, as she skies round to the shallower pitch. I ski well but not like an expert, meanwhile JT makes a decent fist of her pitch. It's a long snowy run out to the glades, bit of a pole then a fun wiz through the trees, back to the piste & round to the lift. Next run we traverse across the bowl to the steeper pitch with fresher powder. Take a fun but tricky run down, then the same ski out. Back up for another go, this time I traverse as far as it goes, guy in front of me is good & smooth, that is until he crashes into a giant snowball at the bottom, I'm not as quick but make it in one piece. Right one more before lunch, better make it a good one. JT & I pick up our respective pitches from the first run, this time I'm going to ski this like an expert. Bounce & fly down the first part, feeling good & fast, until that is I stack it. Look across the piste to see JT in a heap on her run, we have a good laugh at ourselves.
Start the run down from the top of Symphony, I'm keen to have a go at the beastly Picollo Face but there is no visibility whatsoever so just pick our way across towards Harmony. I find a nice powder slope, not skied much, not too steep, so I'm going to ski it like a an expert. I do for the first few turns then take a nasty fall, think my left binding is set too stiff cause it really wrenches my foot before it comes off, hurts quite a bit. Jo thinks I hit a rock, good point JT, or maybe a bear. Get the lift up & ski down to the Chic Pea for some overdue lunch & rest my aching foot. Moroccan Beef stew for JT & a sandwich for turkeys for me. Warmed up & fed we consider heading back up but it's been a big day & my foot is a little sore. Go off to see if Ptarmigan is open, it is but lumpy & low visibility but it's the run out. Wait for JT on the Olympic but she doesn't arrive, well she does after a while & covered in snow, seems like there was a bit of a face plant incident on the virtually flat run out. Other than that, solid off piste skiing from JT, recovering well from her early morning stutters. Rest of the home run goes without incident & we're soon in the village.
Back in the room it's time to take off the boots & survey the damage, hmm a fair bit of swelling round the ankle & on the achilles' tendon, not sure pretending to be able to ski like an expert was really worth this. JT gets me set up on the bed with an ice pack & pillow under my foot. During my convalescence I download & review the GoPro footage, a lot of OK stuff, some good stuff though, enough to make some 5 second clips as is the way in this digital age. Limp into the shower & get freshened up for dinner, tonight we're going to The Keg, that should make me feel better.
Hobble down to our Whistler favourite steakhouse which is looking pretty quiet, but it's still an hour wait. Never mind JT has finally convinced me to go down to the Arc'teryx store to look at jackets. While I still love my Red Bull jacket, it hasn't been performing brilliantly in the wet conditions & is looking rather scruffy from all the soakings, wear & tear. Down in the shop we find a fine example, a fraction of the price back home (Arc'teryx is Canadian) & with the GBP-CAD exchange rate it's practically free. Have a debate on size with the shop girl, she's surprised I don't wear much under my waterproof jacket, saying I must be a really warm guy, "you should try sleeping with me" I reply, that stops the rest of the shop & makes her blush. Anyhoo, we leave with our practically free jacket & get back to The Keg right on time for our table.
First up its a couple of their fine Granville Island IPAs, unfortunately Jo doesn't let me get a snap of her supping out of her enormous dimpled pint glass. Blackened sirloin (with vegetables!) for mains & room for a mini desert. Chat to the friendly but greedy couple from Toronto next to us, before JT & I round off the evenings conversation with a heated debate on whether humans would ski if we had trotters.
Speaking of trotters, we trot back to the Westin where JT sets me up with another ice pack. Attempt to write the blog while watching The Liquidator on telly. Too tired to finish so pack down in the hope that my ankle will be a pig's foot in the morning, as my old mum would say.
Days away from work 68
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Columbian hostage negotiator
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 10
Run of the day = Flute Bowl
Fall Table
Rob = 6
Jo = 5
Beers downed = 97
Steaks devoured = 35
Alarm goes off at 7, JT insists on making breakfast as she now believes I am disabled. Don't tell Jo, but I quite like being served breakfast & other than giving instructions on how to use the microwave she is very self sufficient. Sit with the papers & Radio X with my foot on ice scoffing oatmeal, toast & coffee. We kind of have a wait & see attitude to this morning, watching the rain come down past the window & how much the swelling goes down on my ankle. 9 o/c comes round & its decision time so I drag myself into the bathroom, get washed up & ready to put my foot to the test. Put my ski socks on & climb into my boots, even though my ankle is a bit painful & still swollen, surprisingly the boots feel ok, I even jump up & down, still fine but get told off for upsetting the neighbours. A bit more of a faff as I try on several layer combinations to ensure I've got the right size jacket. Finally, with the rain stopped & me kitted out we can leave the room.
Skiers plaza is deserted, no queue for the gondie, wiz straight through & climb in with a family of 5. Rather dull ride, but interesting insight to skiing with 3 young children, makes me realise how easy we have it only having to worry about ourselves. JT thinks skiing bowls will be best for my foot, but they're all closed, not exactly sure why but head for the peak nonetheless. Windy on the chair & pretty low visibility but Whistler Bowl is still full. It's a complete white out on top so with discretion being the better part of valour we ski the traverse over to Symphony.
It's a long & treacherous run down with ski length visibility & howling winds, doesn't really clear till we get to the trees. It is, however, snowing pretty hard down here, quite picturesque & we have a fun run to the lift. Straight on the lift & back up again, we are whipped with the heavy snow & high winds, peak is similarly grim. Not great fun off the chair, just slow skiing & sliding, hoping the weather will clear but it takes an age before there's any visibility. Find a relatively sheltered spot to wait for JT, who takes a while as she had a fall up top, completely disoriented by the white out. Pick our way through the near off piste, which is slightly more sheltered & safer than the relatively crowded piste. The trees again offer some respite from the biting winds & we have some fun skiing the gladed runs & picking our own way through the trees. Try to capture the moment on the GoPro looky-looky stick, good initial footage but soon the lens is covered in snow. Back up & do the same again, this time we stick together & JT stays on her feet. Liftie tells us they're going on standby so will need to ski out from the top. Pretty clear why on the way back up, the wind is so strong it feels like it's going to rip your skis off their bindings.
Pick our way down & across to Burnt Stew Trail, as all the alpine lifts are closed its going to be the long & winding road to the Emerald Chair. We're a bit high for the trail so forced to stomp through the deep powder before joining the road. Then it's polling through the slow sections & having your faced whipped with ice crystals on the fast. Make it to the Emerald, which not surprising is pretty busy, jump in the singles queue & up to the Roundhouse.
Pretty busy in the Alpine lodge as everyone is seeking refuge from the weather. I'm feeling a bit cold myself, maybe it's the heavy snow & wind, maybe it's just that my new Arc'teryx super jacket just doesn't come up to the Red Bull wonder jacket. Squeeze into the end of a table, share a chicken dippers & chips along with a hot drink to warm up. It's 2:30, relatively refreshed we agree to try a run to see if we want to continue. First though JT gets herself the glove liners & snowflake jewellery she's been coveting. Head off down Whiskey Jack, Dave Murray, have a conflab on Tokum & decide we'd rather just head in, so we do, via Crabapple & the slushy village run.
Back in the room, pop the fire on, get stripped off, Jo insists on plonking me on the bed with my ankle in ice while she goes on the coffee run. Download the GoPro videos & photos, as expected some good stuff quickly covered in snow. Get a super email from my old friend Jurgen, lovely to hear news of his family & as always very amusing, especially when it comes to football. Relax & catch up on the rest of the world, updating the blog & listening to the graveyard shift on Radio X.
Time kinda runs away with us & we're not out until 7:30, even stranger is there seems to be a Fire & Ice show going on in the village. Now I know we had a nap but did we sleep through till Sunday? This out of sequence events really bugs JT as she searches for reasons for this unusual activity, but alas we arrive at Earls without satisfactory explanation. Once again the girls are let down they are missing the mature steak of Tony Malster, just more hamburger. Yet another Aussie server gets us seated straight away & we order a couple of our favourite Bear Paw honey lagers. Let down again on the season of honey beer drought we settle for their Albino Rhinos (or Spearmint Rhinos as Jo calls them), still good though. Now I usually go for something lighter at Earls due to their fine Sticky Toffee Pudding, but tonight JT talks me into joining her in a cow & chicken combo, just a half portion for me though. Dinner is all good but I can not resist the pudding so leave pretty stuffed.
Shopping on the way home as we need pretty much everything. Loaded up we head for home through the quite busy village, for a Thursday night anyway. Get in & packed away, it's time for us to pack ourselves down. Jo finds a fascinating programme on US backcountry police, that sucks us in until lights out time.
Days away from work 69
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Ski jacket tester
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 11
Run of the day = Staccato Glades
Fall Table
Jo = 7
Rob = 6
Beers downed = 97
Steaks devoured = 35
Up at 7 & normal service is resumed, JT stays in bed & I get busy in the kitchen. Just as well since we have eggs with cream cheese & smoked salmon bagels, a very tricky manoeuvre. Breakfast served while we catch up on social media, news from home & the papers. Mixing it up on the radio we have Classic FM who play a wonderful performance of Nimrod Enigma Variations by the Vienna Philharmonic. Jo gives her mum & dad a call, they've been holed up in bed for the last few days & not the for the usual reasons, poor things have been poorly. Weather forecast is not good but forever the optimists we head out in decent time. Wander across the wet & dreary plaza, lifts not looking too busy, after two days on Whistler we go for Blackcomb. Mountain guide in the queue lets us know the alpine lifts are going be closed all day, but that's the same on both mountains & what we expected so carry on into the gondie. Rain lashes down as we continue up, still coming down hard as we switch to the Excelerator chair, turning to snow further up.
Jump off at the top hoping the Crystal chair would open but quite the opposite, Jersey Cream has closed. Ok so that leaves just a couple of lifts & about 10 runs, but we're up here, in the snow, we'll give it a go. Pistes are churned up & pretty icy, try Cruiser Bumps, which is bumpy & a bit crusty. Slide into the Solar Coaster & it's a zoo, not surprising considering everyone has been sent down here. Have a chat, really can't see any positives about skiing today, it's foggy, rainy & icy, we're leaving. Ironically the next pitch is ok but typically the run in is slushy & if anything, raining even harder in the village. Have a flirt with switching to Whistler but it's a long ride up in our wet gear for probably the same. We make peace with ourselves by saying we'll go back up if anything else opens.
Back home we strip off & head down to the village Starbucks for a coffee & a surf. Enjoy our lattes while we review hotels in & flights to Cancun. Continue our search back in the room, it's tough going not knowing much about the area & so close to departure. So we get home next Thursday & head out again on Monday to top up the tan before reality bites again. Sorry Tom, flights via Salt Lake just weren't working out, but we do have our full holiday allowance for the rest of the year. Weather doesn't improve so don't leave the room for the rest of the afternoon. It's an opportunity to catch up with home, messaging with the girls, chat with Mick & reply to Steve's email. Only other highlight of the wet & dreary Whistler day is the ever entertaining Canadian Dragon's Den, eh?
Get out earlier, let's face it there's no reason why we shouldn't, for a Friday night trip to the Brewhouse. Skip down the reasonably dry village & are rewarded with a meagre 25 minute wait, grab a couple of lifties & sit in the bar discussing what we're going to wear to Pete & Jem's 80s party. An hour & a half and two chasers later we're finally shown to our table squeezed behind a group of geriatric singers. Pizza ordered, takes a while & is not very good, still eat too much to have their sticky toffee pudding, which would have been crap anyway, probably. Right that's it, the Brewhouse is off the list. Shame, I guess we're just grown apart, we are just different people from when we first came to the Brewhouse. I tell JT I might write a review on Trip advisor, she says, yeah but will ya, no I probably won't.
Stagger back through the village as the one thing the Brewhouse has not been slow on is bringing beers. Make a reservation at the local Indian then back home. Jo makes beddy tea & finds some Raymond on the telly so she can see her favourite Robert. Pack down in the hope of a better day tomorrow.
Days away from work 70
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Duck
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 11
Run of the day = Walk back to the hotel
Whistler Blackcomb+ Stats
Total vertical = 55,056
Lifts= 101
Beers downed = 104
Steaks devoured = 35
7 o/c alarm sees us up & eating porridge in no time. Jo Good on Radio X & read of the papers, Jerry Hall has married Rupert Murdoch ?!? (arh, gold digger). We meet on the sofa to confirm plans for today, the weather today presents a dichotomy, 50cm of fresh powder but ridge winds gusting to 140 km/h. There's powder but are we going to be able to get to or it or will it be like yesterday where most of the lifts are closed? Commit to getting out earlier, going to check in with the mountain hosts & maybe wait it out in the Roundhouse. Stop in the rainy village, hosts tell us alpine is closed but they hope to open later, however forecast ranges from 11am to 3pm for the winds to ease, right we're going up, jump in the singles queue to cut the wait, end up in the gondie together anyhow. Quite a chatty ride up, especially with apprentice mountain guide JT imparting her wisdom on the locals.
Plot our respective routes down to the Garbanzo which is rumoured to have the lightest queues. I take Dave Murray into Tokum, JT takes the blues from the other side, she wants to ski at her own pace today to get her mojo back. Garbanzo is heaving but still nothing open so back up & ski Raven, Ptarmigan & back to the busy lift. Things are starting to open so get ourselves up to the Roundhouse ready to pounce. Enjoy a coffee & cake while monitoring the lift status on the app, along with Rachael getting a cheque from nPower & Adam arriving in Miami. Eventually Harmony opens, it's going to be busy but should be some good skiing.
Traverse over to GS Run which is fun & fast, then down to the busy lift. The wind has died right down, there's blue skies & the bottom of Harmony is bathed in sunshine. Jump in the singles again, which moves faster than the herd & the chair is a 6 seater. I scope out McConkeys I backed out of the other day & the super gnarly Harmony Horseshoes, don't look too bad. Meet up at the top & go our separate ways. Jo skips between the piste & off piste, I set off along the ridge to check out the sick lines. Approach both entrances to Harmony Horseshoes, assess them as death on a stick so over to McConkeys. Entrance is a narrow chute into the bowl, there are a few lining up, looks fine so drop in, bit quick but all good then there's plenty of powder. Ski the off piste & meet JT in the lift, get in the singles to do it again. Go over to Harmony Horseshoes again, find a more possible entrance. The pitch is surrounded by cliffs & a cornice covering most, apart from a narrow chute with a 3 metre vertical drop leading to a traverse in to the bowl. Guy skis up, dives straight down the chute & over the traverse, made it look easy. I look over the edge, the traverse is ok but the vertical drop looks intense especially with the rock half way down. I stand looking over for ages, chat with another chap, he ducks out, I eventually back away. Decide to do McConkeys again, fly down the chute, turn into the bowl & I'm away. Bump into JT on the way down & we ski to the lift.
Up Harmony again & over to the Horseshoes, I'm going to give it another crack. Not feeling very confident but a couple of guys go before me & stay in the bowl offering encouragement. Inch up to the edge until I'm teetering on the edge, then go for it, a bit in the back seat on the traverse but stay on my feet & give the thumbs up to my new chums. I'm rewarded with a steep bowl & deep powder from the fresh snow, it's a good run down. Find JT en route to the lift, tell her about my adventure but she already knows & caught it on film, top girl. Lift is getting pretty light now so we ride up together then go our separate ways again. JT is tackling her on / off piste while I'm taking another crack at Harmony Horseshoes, still pretty intimidating but I jump straight in & ski the pitch, pretty pleased with myself. Ski the rest of the off piste then fly down the chunky GS Run to wait for JT by the lift. See Jo coming down GS, not as reckless as me (which will please her mother) but good controlled skiing linking turns through the bumps.
It's 3:10, past alpine lift closing so just time for us to get back up & plan our route down. I want to ski the giant bowl off the lift, Little Whistler, such is the boost in JTs confidence, she joins me. Bowl slain we get onto the road, round to the Roundhouse then it's Whiskey Jack, Old Crow, Ptarmigan, Crabapple & the super slushy village run. Hand our skis to the valet & pop into guest services to try our luck with a refund for yesterday, chap in the gondie this morning said he got one. As predicted there's no argument, they can see we only took the lifts up first thing, we get an extra day which we're planning to use on the morning we fly due to the great conditions forecast.
Back in the room, my turn for the coffees then it's ice the foot, download the camera & pig out on cookies. Jo got some great footage of me on Harmony Horseshoes, makes me feel like a hero, Tom says it's sick. Jo finds some wildlife programme with more cute poorly animals than you can shake a raccoon at. Volunteer with big jugs gets a good chunk of airtime, must be a coincidence. I leave JT to her wildlife, get showered as I'm eager for a celebratory Saturday night curry.
India Masala is just a short hop in the Hilton complex the other side of the roundaboot so we're there & seated in no time. Order a couple of Taj Mahal beers (they don't have any Kingfisher) along with a selection of our Indian favourites. Chat to one of the guys, he's from Squamish but went to university in Birmingham, he did accounting & finance so that pleases me. Dinner is all good & such is the efficiency of booking ahead we're all done by 8:30 so time to pop into Starbucks for a flat white. Buoyed by this booking ahead malarkey we book Milestones & The Keg, but not
Sushi Village as they don't take bookings, but that's our evenings out planned for the rest of the trip.
Back in the room, JT makes bed tea for one & looks up cats with cucumber videos on YouTube (try it, Jo nearly choked on her tea). Watch a bit of telly then pack down for what promises to be another epic day on the mountain tomorrow.
Days away from work 71
Likelihood of returning to work 60%
Most likely alternative = Freestyle skier
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 12
Run of the day = Harmony Horseshoes (of course)
Fall Table
Jo = 9
Rob = 6
Whistler Blackcomb+ Stats
Total vertical = 59,919
Lifts= 109
Beers downed = 107
Steaks devoured = 35
7am Ski Sunday Theme alarm goes off, fitting as it's Sunday & we're going skiing. Rustle up some eggs with smoked salmon & cream cheese bagels while Charlotte Green entertains us with her culture club on Classic FM. Ring my long suffering mum to wish her a happy Mothering Sunday, she is very pleased, as she is with the tulips we sent her. Get ourselves together & for the first time in a long time we're in a real quandary as to which mountain to explore. Forecast is for lighter winds & only light snow flurries but I'm beginning to wonder if the Whistler website is actually reporting on a different resort as the weather seems to bear little relation to this one. Decide Whistler is the safest bet if the alpine doesn't open & we are ever hopeful that Symphony will grace us with her presence today.
Skiers plaza & especially the Whistler queue see a heavier flow for the weekend so decide to join the singles again. Get in the gondie together but it is a rather tedious ride, we can't really talk to each other with our skis in front of our face (they're not putting them on the outside racks due to the wind) & our companions are not very chatty. Pop out at the top, check the boards, lifts back up to the Roundhouse are long but Harmony is light so decide to head straight over. GS Run has been freshened up with the fresh snow & is good fun. The lift queue is anything but light. Join the herd as we want to scope out the conditions on the way up, the experts only light is on, but I see a lot of non experts in the queue. No matter, just as we're getting on the lift Symphony opens. Head straight off the back, through the white out until we get down to the piste. Given that Symphony has been closed during the snowfall & we get there as it opens, it is a snowtastic powder paradise, even the on piste has 20 cm of virgin snow. Flitter though the piste, then duck down into the glades where the powder is deep & pristine. Unfortunately I have a flashback to Monday & crash burying myself up to my neck in the soft white stuff. JT fairs better being used to doing lines in white powder as we run down to the lift.
Queue is pretty light so straight up for some more. Bit of a white out on top, snowing hard as we get to the bowls but plow on regardless. Ski down though the steep powdery pitch, run through the the traverse & into the trees. Tree chute is not as quick as the other day due to the new soft stuff but still good fun. Run down to the lift which has become a zoo, not helped by the constant stop - start of the lift. Wait an age in the singles queue, we're not feeling confident that it's not going to pack up completely leaving us with a 45 minute hike out so decide we're going to ski out from the top. Ride up with an English couple that have emigrated out here, they love it & recommend the GB ski club in the village, which could be a swingers club but fun either way. Conditions are even worse up top, so we ski down together, can hardly make out the piste markers with the driving wind & heavy snow. What did the forecast say, low winds & light snow flurries, that was only this morning too, bring back Michael Fish! Make our way to Burnt Stew Trail, up Harmony & over to the Roundhouse.
Appears we're not the only ones to have the idea of sheltering from the conditions as its heaving, even at 10 to 2. Squeeze in the end of a table, grab some chicken dippers to share & a hot drink to warm us up. Warmed up we brave the elements for a mid mountain run, avoiding the worst of the weather & the longest lift queues. We take the Dave Murray which is nice with pockets of snow then into Tokum which is thick with sticky snow & hard going. Give JT the option to ski out but she's up for one more run. Ride the empty Garbanzo then say our farewells, I'm taking Dave into Bear
Paw into Crabapple then the village run, JT is doing the blues into the Olympic then downloading. Jo's view is the run in is ugly, tiring & she has nothing to prove, my view is I've never downloaded, even when I busted my ankle in Austria. The blacks on my run are pretty good, below that it is indeed ugly & tiring. Kick off my skis in the plaza & head to the Westin. Young chap in the hotel lift enquires about my Argentina shirt, which gives me the opportunity to tell him about climbing Aconcagua, always welcome.
First one in the room gets the coffees we agreed, so that's me as I see JT on my way out. Relax while icing my foot, reviewing the footage of today & of course eating cookies. Watch Jon Gupta's account of his Montane Yukon Arctic Utlra & read Stuart Torrie's climb of El Misti. Before we know it it's time to get ourselves together, we have pledged to get to Sushi Village earlier tonight to avoid the crush, makes a lot of sense but it is a mighty struggle to get off the bed.
Thirty minute wait in the Japanese emporium of raw fish, not bad & gives us time to enjoy a couple of their sake margueritas. Seated we order our usual supply of hot & cold Japanese delights, I search in vain for a picture of the wonderful sake I had in NYC, not that I think it will mean an awful lot to Nicole, I go for the one she drinks all afternoon. Food is absolutely top draw as usual as we chat about plans for the rest of the year, including having the kids over more regularly if only their bloody parents didn't get in the way. JT has another sake marguerita topped up from the bottle of sake I'm guzzling to myself, then call it a night.
Literally stagger back to the hotel after drinking the bottle 50% proof rice wine alone, JTs not far behind thanks to her thirst for margueritas. Back in the room, JT makes beddy tea & searches for wet suit tops for our next adventure. Probably find something on TV fall asleep in front of, not such a bad thing given we're planning on having another crack at fresh tracks tomorrow.
Days away from work 72
Likelihood of returning to work 50%
Most likely alternative = Sake sommelier
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 14
Run of the day = Glissando Glades
Fall Table
Jo = 10
Rob = 8
Whistler Blackcomb+ Stats
Total vertical = 63,799
Lifts= 115
Beers downed = 107
Steaks devoured = 35
Sakes sank = 12
The six o'clock alarm would never ring, but it rings & I rise, wipe the sleep out of my eyes. The shaving razor's cold and it stings. Cheers up sleepy Jo, we're going for fresh tracks this morning. Head for skiers plaza & it is again a behemoth of a queue, stretching round to the Blackcomb gondola. We got up & backed out before but we're running out of days so just go for it. Never seen it this busy on previous trips, JT thinks it's because they've been powder days. Still we got here just before lift opening & it goes quite quickly once it does. Interesting eavesdropping on other people's conversations, especially the chap behind us who seems to be having a FaceTime conversation with his mother, telling her that he had a heart to heart with his girlfriend back in England, telling her she was fat & then confirming to his mum that it is impacting their sex life. Sadly our chubby chaser doesn't get on the gondie with us so we'll never know how things worked out with his porky missus. We do ride up with a couple of kids who talk the whole way but don't say anything.
It is similarly a zoo in the Roundhouse, tables full & a long queue for the buffet. I get a savoury & sweet plate to avoid queuing again but the bell goes as soon as we sit down so needn't have bothered. Food is just ok as usual but like most people here that's not why we're up early. Scoff our courses & head out about 8:30. Take a warm up run down Fish Eye (very nice) & Franz (not so nice), then into the Holmes Express. Back up & run down Whiskey Jack & Dave Murray (really fun at the top) then back to Holmes. Take Zoe up with us from ski school, she's 6 & been skiing double diamonds, these crazy Canucks. Wait with Zoe until another kid arrives then ruffle her helmet & wiz over to Harmony that's just opened.
Scope out the terrain on our way up, everything on the ridge is looking low vis, Tom may have to wait for that video of Harmony Horseshoes. As we approach the top the normally conservative JT says she wants to do the bowl off the lift, that would be the giant steep bowl filled with fresh powder, suits me. It is a fine run down knee deep in pow, then carry on under the lift & through the trees where there is oodles of fresh snow, unsoiled by man nor boarder. Down at the lift Symphony has opened but that was so good we go back & do it again. Light not so good this time, leading to a JT fall, other than that it's still a good run, albeit not quite as good as the first time, but it never is like your first time is it.
Up top & out the back to Symphony, weather forecast is as reliable a ever, predicted clearer, dry weather this week, so of course it's a white out with snow falling. Having said that the snow is unusually light & fluffy for the West coast. Once clear of the low cloud we pick our way through the off piste to Glissando & have a powtastic run to the lift. It's still a white out on top, which Jo is struggling with so we stay close until it clears. Pick our way off piste heading back for Glissando, only I get a bit carried away with the trees & don't come out again, well not till I'm at the bottom. Quick phone call to JT & we're reunited & weaving our way through the glades to the lift. Agree we both want a wee when we get back to the lift but I just can't help weaving into the trees, I think if I'd taken a tumble I would have just cocked my leg on one. Fly out from the trees & along some jumps at the side of the piste, don't see the guy up ahead that's fallen over & lying prone in the tracks. I think I'm going to plough straight into him & kill him but just manage to divert my skis at the last minute.
Round to the lift, relieve ourselves & go back to do it all again. JT calls one last run before lunch, well it is 1pm, we've been going for 4 1/2 hours. Jo does Jeff's Ode to Joy, I head into Flute Bowl. The visibility is not great, flat & fog but traverse out into the wilderness nonetheless. Keep catching up with a couple of guys who want to have a meeting round every ridge, fed up of this I glance down at the virgin snow & go for it. It's great, really steep & super deep, I sink up to my waist as I pow through the pow. Usual hike & run through the cat tracks on the way back before rejoining Glissando Glades. Can't resist more trees but this time I come a cropper, wiz up, down & round before coming to a abrupt stop.....on my ass.
Ride the lift, traverse out of Symphony, down to & up Harmony & on to mid stations where it's time to share our new favourite chicken dippers. Warmed up we're back on the mountain & back to Harmony. I take Chucky's Choice (good run for our guy from the lift queue) & meet JT at the lift. Back up for a run along the ridge & maybe drop in on the way but the visibility is terrible so just run down on / off piste. Run along Sidewinder to the Emerald the up to the Roundhouse where we part company. JT has magnanimously offered to get our shopping & download from the Roundhouse while I ski out. I take the usual run, Whiskey into Dave & Bear Paw which are engulfed in thick fog, then the very slushy run in. Skis off, skip back to the hotel, stretched & changed. JT has been held up in the gondie so it's my turn again for coffee before picking her up in the way back.
Coffees, cookies & icing of the foot while we download today's pictures & video. Catch up on news from home while we have a well earned rest, 9 hours after heading out for the mountain this morning. Jo does the washing then we get washed & dressed for our trip to the Upper Village, Jim Wishbone has a reservation at Milestones. Get a couple of Whistler lagers, study the menu & both settle on the short rib. JT orders hers with the double stuffed backed potato, I comment she likes to be double stuffed, the young server goes scarlet, bless him. Dinner is really good, tasty & tender. I fancy something sweet to finish so get a PB & J cheesecake (I heard a kid in the lift today call peanut butter & jelly PB & J).
Feeling stuffed we make the chilly walk back to the village. Get settled in bed with Ultra Violet, makes no sense whatsoever but Milla Jovovich is super hot as always. That's about it for today.
Days away from work 73
Likelihood of returning to work 44%
Most likely alternative = Ski school instructor
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 16
Run of the day = Fish Eye
Fall Table
Jo = 12
Rob = 9
Whistler Blackcomb+ Stats
Total vertical = 70,589
Lifts= 127
Beers downed = 110
Steaks devoured = 35
So last night JT was quite insistent she was making breakfast, I thought, I'll believe it when I see it, but sure enough after 5 alarms, 3 shoves & a kick she does indeed get up. Wanders round the room looking for the kitchen but eventually finds it, needs a bit of help finding the toaster & microwave but when she does, she makes a fine cream cheese bagel & porridge (not all together Pete). Catch up on news & social media, Blydie seems to have a rush of patriotism publishing posts of Andy Murray winning the Davis Cup, Laura Trott winning the world cycling & the Royals at Courchevel. Although The Times was rather scathing about their outfits, Will's Spyder jacket "more 1990s Power Ranger than Prince", Kate fairs better as she's wearing JTs E&O jacket, albeit JT upgraded hers a year or so ago. Still it should be popular if Rachael wants to borrow it again. Right caught up on the outside world we get ourselves washed, stretched & dressed for the day ahead.
After Whistler mountain taking a pounding from our skis the last few days it's Blackcombs turn today. Queues are so light the liftie bundles us into our private gondie, we reward him with images of us pretending to make out (only pretending Mr Malster, I didn't lay a glove on her). Anyhoo this private gondie gives us plenty of time to work on our film idea, Snow Zombies. I can't give any more away as this is going to pay for our house in Candlewood. Jump off the gondie & onto the chair, the promised good weather hasn't materialised, it's foggy & snowy. Even though alpine visibility is reported to be poor we head over to 7th Heaven, gotta give it a go.
Ride the 7th Heaven lift & it's looking pretty good, it's no bluebird day but the top is clear & winds relatively light. As this is pretty much our first run of the day we just stay on Cloud 9 & it's pretty nice, smooth with a dusting of powder. It's even bright at the bottom of the run, I ask JT where this strange light is coming from, she says it's this thing called the sun, now there's something we haven't seen in a while. Back at the top it's looking good so I head out to Xhiggy's Meadows, traverse out, it's good, steep & filled with powder. Meet JT who came in lower down & we ski the rest together. End up on the gladed Sluiceway where we have a lot of fun. I fancy going all the way out to Lakeside Bowl next (which is not an Essex shopping mall), Jo's confidence boosted she chooses to join me. Take the high line above the cliffs, may not have been the best strategy, I think JT probably hates me a bit as it gets quite rocky & icy but we man up & ski down the gnarly pitch into the soft stuff. Back down through Sluiceway & back up in the lift to give it another crack, however the weather has closed in so we have a rather more sensible & really quite nice run down the piste, well mainly.
Time for a rest stop at the Harmony Hut, coffee, tea & slices of their loafs see us reinvigorated for the afternoon on the mountain. Chat over coffee on whether we're going up tomorrow, our original plans were based on the forecast being cold & sunny, which on top of 160cm of fresh snow would be too good to miss out on, the conditions have been anything but so the prospect is not looking nearly as tempting so decide this afternoon is our final ski of the trip. With that we propose giving the glacier one last run out, but on leaving the hut Lakeside Bowl is bathed in sunshine, that's too good to pass up so that's what I do. Head back out on the same traverse, rocks & all, through the the pow, down the narrow pitch through the cliffs then over to the bowl. There's a guy in front of me making a real hash of the cat track so hang back, don't want to go careering into him, sending both of us over the cliff, I'm considerate like that. Finally see him emerge so continue, finding it really is quite gnarly but the steep chute gives you plenty of momentum to get right into the bowl. Plenty of, mainly, untouched deep powder makes it worthwhile & a fun run down. Meet JT then it's over to the lift, up & round to the Rendezvous.
Alpine visibility is really very poor so suggest some of the gladed runs off Expressway we have enjoyed in previous years. We have a couple of fun runs through the trees on Watch Out & Where's Jo. Time is getting on & JT is determined to get us over to the glacier, it's now or never. Fly down to the Glacier Chair right at the last knockings & the alpine is, for once, looking good. Jo is adamant I have one last fling up Spanky's Ladder to the double diamond bowls on the other side. Coincidentally she got me to up my life insurance last night, hmmm.
Ski up, kick my skis off, pop them on my shoulder & climb, make a bit of a wrong turn onto the smooth icy pitch where a girl boarder has just slid 20 metres, I'd like to help but other than sliding down myself there's nothing much I can do. I ask if she's ok then back up myself & get back in the foot holds. Once on top I take a selfie next to the Experts Only sign then dive into the bowl. Despite its reputation, the intimidating climb & the warning signs, it's all pretty straight forward. Steep & deep powder but nothing harder than we've skied before. I wonder if the "cliff" warning signs are a bit sensational but maybe leave testing them out to another trip. See other skiers polling out so keep a high line, run along the cat tracks through the trees, then seeing exit signs I decide I should get onto the track before I come up to something I'm not prepared for. Ski down through the untouched powder, mindful of keeping some momentum for the run out. It's going pretty well until I head for a little jump, my left ski sticks, I fly out of the binding, somersault, land on my head & roll over. My dodgy left ankle has taken another battering & it hurts like hell. No point sitting there feeling sorry for myself, I've gotta find my ski & get going. Couple of guys stop to offer help, one suggest it's probably at the top of the jump 20 metres behind me & he's right. Skis on just as the Ski Patrol turns up to sweep the mountain & head out with them.
Run down the long Glacier Road to find JT waiting for me at the lift on the phone to the insurance company & making a date with the young liftie. She is, however, relieved to see me & we ski down to the bottom of the Excelerator Chair, pretty much the only one still open as its nearly 4pm. I haven't mentioned anything to Jo about my fall so she downloads, leaving me to pick my way through the slush to find the way to the village.
Somehow I arrive in the hotel first, change into the jammies & hobble down for coffee just as JT gets in. Fill Jo in on the details of my adventures as she ices my foot while we enjoy coffee & biscuits. Start writing the blog but difficult to concentrate with Family Feud on TV, it's compulsive car crash viewing. Pretty soon it's time to get ready & Jo to get dolled up for our last night at The Keg. Try their weisbier, it's a bit fruity for me so I swap it for a fresh pint of Canadian, it is North America after all. Sirloin steaks demolished & desert shared while we chat about the highs & lows of the trip.
Totter back through the village via the grocery store for painkillers. Teeth cleaned, climb into bed our Canadian bed for the last time & the last chance to watch trashy Canadian telly.
Days away from work 74
Likelihood of returning to work 43%
Most likely alternative = Screenwriter
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 16
Run of the day = Diamond Bowl
Fall Table
Jo = 13
Rob = 12
Whistler Blackcomb+ Stats
Total vertical = 77,305
Lifts= 139
Beers downed = 112
Steaks devoured = 37
Ok so after posting the blog last night I went to check in for our flight, app said 21 hours till check it, must be wrong but we think we're flying on the 10th, iPad says it's the 8th. Check BA online, our hotel check out date & our transfer. We are so out of touch with reality we've got the day wrong, we fly tomorrow. We can't really settle after that but heck, can't complain, this means another day skiing & another night out.
We're up at 7 for our extra day, JT makes us bagels & porridge for breakfast which is delightful while I ice my foot to get it through another day on the mountain. The forecast, for what it's worth, says the best of the weather will be in the morning so we're keen to get out & make the most of our bonus day. Queue for Whistler is light & we're straight into the gondola. Jo tells me about the Seven Summit book her brother bought her, it sounds an amazing adventure in the 80s before commercial climbing. Jo then moves on to guiding everyone in the gondie, oh you want to do the women's Olympic, go to Ptarmigan; want to go to Symphony go via the peak. Off load at the top & get ourselves set.
We're rewarded for getting our asses in gear by beautiful groomed runs in sunshine, Fish Eye is particularly good. Up the Holmes chair then down Whiskey Jack & Dave Murray on the other side, then back to the lift. Have another go on Fish Eye & lower Franz while I film with the looky-looky pole. Next up is my timed run on the Dave Murray top to bottom, thought I'd missed my opportunity but now to make Tony Malster proud. Skate off from the top, quick into the steep low rollers, carry lots of speed into the flat section, down into the steep, fly round the bend checking out the shortcut but it's thick & mogulled so ski on past the Holmes chair. Little rest on the flat, letting the skis run then it's down the steep & icy start of the lower section, piste becomes sheet ice with ruts running across & track lines running down, it's tough going. A guy wipes out in front of me, I could stop to help but I'm on a timed run & anyway he shouldn't be on the big boys runs. Work out the safest & fastest line is to run between the tracks, but it is fast. Fly into Creekside in 6'08", 39 seconds quicker than my run on day 49 & beating my 2013 record of 6'15". Challenge completed Mr Malster.
Hang my skis up & head victoriously into Dusty's. Meet JT inside where we get a celebratory coffee, tea, banana bread & a delicious almond croissant for me (or crossAnt as they say here). JT complains about the grooming to anyone that will listen, girl on the till says that's Whistler for you, but I have to agree with Jo, it is unusual. Refreshed we get into the Creekside gondie, surveying the carnage on the slopes as we rise. Switch to the Holmes then over to the peak, JT fancies Glacier Bowl off the side of The Saddle. It's pretty chilly & breezy at the top but very pretty so get cold grabbing some photos. Over to The Saddle, it's icy at the top but not far till we reach the traverse into the bowl. After all that it's not really worth it, it's rutted with traverse lines & filled with avalanche debris. Still the blind skiing club are doing it so we plough on, whatever doesn't kill you only makes you better. We're back up to the peak & go our separate ways, I toy with the double diamond Liftie's Leap but no, not even with my increased life insurance. Entrance to Whistler Bowl is sheet ice & pretty narrow, I start off sliding but get bored & it really isn't that narrow. Into the bowl it's cut up but the snow is still in good condition, power down & head over to the cat tracks that lead over the ridge to Shale Slope. Shale is less skied, powdery & super steep in places, all negotiated with skill & style though. The Courteeners - Please Don't comes on my playlist, a cracking indie disco track for the way down.
JT is indeed feeling adventurous today, she tells me to meet her at the T Bars, so I do. Generally they are not our favourite but it's fine & not only gives us access to the bowl alongside but we can hop over to Harmony over the top, can't believe we have only just discovered that. At the bottom JT confesses she needs the loo again, we're too low to get back to the Roundhouse so it's either go in the snow or back up the T Bars & traverse across the ridge, you'll be pleased to know we do the latter. Relieved, JT wants lunch at the Chic Pea, so it's back up to the T Bars so we can get a run down from that side. Up the bars, down the bowl & pick our way over, keeping a high line to avoid poling or hiking up. Feeling cheeky we stay high & pick a little run through the trees where a squirrel runs across my path, which was cute & surprising but not half as much if it was a bear. Pop out of the trees in the middle of a run & all disoriented, work out we're just below the Chic Pea, not sure how that happened. We could run down & get the lift up but far quicker to hike up the 50 metres. In hindsight, I don't think it's possible to get there from this side, not sure why we didn't run down Whiskey Jack but no matter.
In the Pea we share a sandwich for turkeys & coffee crisp with our hot drinks. Right, we set out our plans for our last runs of the season, assuming I haven't got the month wrong & we'll still be here in April. Down Dave Murray, onto the Holmes where we debate the run out before settling on the tried & trusted route which we are doing together. Whiskey Jack into Dave Murray is pretty much as we've skied all day, Tokum is fine if a little icy at the bottom, then Crabapple starts the slush, which just gets slushier the closer we get to the village. Kick our skis off feeling rather satisfied & somehow more settled than yesterday when I was feeling knackered with a sore foot. JT is much happier too, skied better today with enough in the tank for the heavy ski home.
In the room JT ices my foot, which has stood up well to the punishment in the end, then heads down to get the coffees. Check on news from the outside world while watching our latest favourite American trash TV, Family Feud. Time marches on though & Jim Wishbone has made a date with the girls at Earls, so time to get glammed up for what must surely be our last night in Whistler.
Head out into the rainy evening for the short walk to the home of ribs & hot waitresses. First of these, the Aussie hostess befriends us while we wait for our table, thrusting her cleavage in my face, but I am as always the perfect gentleman. Settled in our booth we order a couple of Albino Rhinos & Jo talks me into having the chicken & ribs again, on the condition she helps me with the sticky toffee pudding. Food, especially the ribs, is all good, I'm not going to start picking them up but I must admit to being something of a convert. Yet another STP is very tasty too. Having already wrapped up the trip at yesterday's last supper, Jo fills me in on the latest from her Seven Summits book, it's all getting exciting. Magda & I chat about The Czech Republic, going out in Whistler & hiking in the summer while JT pays the bill & asks if we'd like to get a room.
It's snowing hard as we slip slide through the village home, definitely for the last time. Jo makes beddy tea while I check in for our flight home tomorrow, guess that should do it. Jo finds Cadyshack on the Golf Network while we settle down for our last sleep in Canadia.
Days away from work 75
Likelihood of returning to work 42%
Most likely alternative = Travel Agent
Most skied = Upper Dave Murray - 20
Run of the day = Fish Eye
Fall Table
Jo = 13
Rob = 12
Whistler Blackcomb+ Stats
Total vertical = 83,202
Lifts= 151
Beers downed = 114
Steaks devoured = 37
Ribs gnawed = 7
Up at 7am as usual, get ourselves awake, brushed up & down to the wonders of the Westin breakfast at 8 o/c. Get seated by our favourite server, Terry who we have seen every year for as long as we can remember. Go help ourselves to muesli & fruit from the buffet then just order the things we really like & they do so well, eggs benedict for me, salmon omelette for JT & blueberry pancakes to share. Have a read of the papers, the intelligence service has captured details of ISIS fighters, including their job application forms, "What role are you interested in - fighter / suicide bomber", sounds a bit like Eddie Izzard's Cake or Death sketch; "What jihad experience do you have", well how can you get jihad experience if everyone wants previous experience; "Do you have any special skills", what like invisibility? Anyhoo, it is as always a delightfully indulgent infidel breakfast, paid for with capitalist funds. Check the weather, it is truly grim up there, snow is falling by the bucket load & winds are 100 km/h gusting 140. All the alpine lifts & most of the mid mountain are closed, just the Excellerator on Blackcomb & Olympic on Whistler. Looks like we got out just in time.
Back up to the room & time to pack. Starts very organised & civilised, I mean we've done this a million times before, ends a bit stressful, I mean everything came out of these bags. We manage it though, while watching Die Hard 4. Get a text from BA, our flight has been delayed by 5 hours, so that will be 2am tomorrow, effectively 2 days later than we thought we were leaving. This is not good news, that's 12 hours after check out, everything including the lounge will be shut in the airport. Nothing we can do, change our pick up from Whistler & from Heathrow at the other end. Little sit & rest until we reach the time for our later check out, I do wonder what would happen if we didn't leave the room at 2:30, but that would just send JT into a complete panic. Showered & changed we do go & check out. Hand in our vouchers for not having our room serviced (which housekeeping ignore & service our room anyway) & get a whopping 8,500 points towards our next free stay.
Right time to get our presents, start with the orange gloves Adam was converting so in Chamonix, the only other place we've seen them is in the Westin CanSki shop, erm, only they're pink, maybe he'll just have the bottle of Malbec from Mendoza. Ok, so just socks for the kids then, have a look to match the fine Stance socks we got earlier in the trip but no, find a lovely pair for me & some fine alternatives for the boys & girls though. Back to the hotel for a little break & grab some FaceTime with James & make arrangements with the family for a Saturday morning brunch in Giraffe.
JT has had the wonderful idea of going to the pictures this afternoon, they're showing Eddie the Eagle in the village multiplex, sounds perfect. It is a funny, touching & uplifting film, thoroughly recommended, although don't go with JT if you want some popcorn.
It's 6 o/c when we come out, hmm coffee in the hotel or pre dinner beers in the GLC, beer wins. Get settled in front of the fire, which is handy as my shoes & socks are damp due to it being wet outside & my shoes full of holes. Grab a couple of honey lagers while I banter with Tom who has clearly had too much to drink. Funny thing is we'll both be in Mexico next week but on opposite sides of the country, we're genuinely disappointed. Order our burgers with another couple of their fine Bear Paws. Pop my now toasty warm & dry shoes & socks on and trot down to the Starbucks for a couple of lattes to enjoy in the hotel lounge. While away the final hour of our wait with some blogging & arrangements for Cancun.
Brooke's chap Bruce arrives just before 10pm & resplendent in his black Derby hat, picks us up whisks along the sea to sky highway towards Vancouver. Other downside being we miss the spectacular views of the bay at sunset that has become so much a part of our trip over the years. Chat a while before the car falls unsurprisingly quiet, well this is around the time we're packing down for nighty night time. Bruce is a bit speedy & the traffic is very light so we pull into Vancouver airport ahead of schedule. Unloaded we bid our farewells to the latest of Brooke's crew & head for check in. Find a free desk, hand our passports & boarding passes in, chap says "I'll have to reissue your boarding passes Lord Thomas as we've upgraded you to first class." JT & I try to hide our smirks, acting cool like this happens to us all the time. He also confirms that the lounge will stay open until our flight, Jo breathes a sigh of relief. Still have to take our ski bag to oversized ourselves, just like ordinary people.
Wiz through the ever quiet Canadian security, which reminds me, no one ever stamps your passport on your way out, how do they know we ever leave, other than we keep coming back. Impressed that most shops are still open even after midnight, not sure where you would get a drink & bite to eat though, if you weren't going to the lounge. Don't bother looking at the signs, we know the way & are soon turning left at the lounge desk. Not really sure what makes this the first class area, it's smaller, maybe a bit nicer, only have Gordon's gin though. While away our remaining hour or so in Canada with blogs & surf. Since I don't believe in fate I have no qualms in tempting it so will post this before we climb aboard & get into our oversize BA jammies.
Days away from work 76
Likelihood of returning to work 45%
Most likely alternative = Olympic ski jumper
Distance travelled - 38,019km (20,530nm)
Beers downed = 119
Steaks devoured = 37
Gins quaffed = 23
Flight called we totter to the gate, only not the gate they called from the lounge, that would take us to Hong Kong & that really would be stretching things. Onboard & shown to our seats, we have the middle two which is quite nice as we're together, the windows are solo. Have a ferret around our seats checking where everything is & how it works, don't want to appear like we don't fly first class all the time. Champagned & pampered by the young & pretty cabin crew we're ready for departure. As we taxi out, there's a real groaning coming from the undercarriage & I don't mean effect of the saucy uniforms. I guess we're seated right over the nose wheel & it sounds like the oleo needs pumping up. Off the ground the wheel comes up with a thump, a bit bumpy on the way up but settle nicely once in the cruise. Given the option of dinner, but it's 2am & we really want to get some sleep, could you wake me up in 5 hours please dear, but first a decent G&T to help me get off. Speaking of getting off, cabin lovely brings me my drink, warms my nuts & offers to make my bed, can't say fairer than that. Climb into bed, scooch over, hold the duvet open but the lovely politely declines.
As promised I am woken up 5 hours later after some first class sleep, wearing nothing but a red, white & blue scarf, the cabin beauty has a big smile on her face, probably just a coincidence. JT rises from her slumber too, we settle on breakfast & the new Star Wars film. Muesli, juice & lashings of coffee see me wide awake to enjoy the long awaited return to form in episode VII. Croissant & full English is very nice as we get into the film, which is, as I've heard, much better, more innocent & simple in line with the originals & it works. Pause the film as we start our approach & we get the constant interruptions & go freshen up. Just make it to the end of a good film before flappy back screen time.
Bit of a faff getting off, chap in front of me has to play the first class card, sounds ostentatious but he's right. Long jog to customs which is eerily quiet, especially for 6:30 on a Friday night. Customs Dorris tells us it was a zoo earlier, we tell her how nice it is to go through passport control with a real human, but she argues that the scanners are fine, ho hum. Bags arrive fairly promptly at the carousel, bit of a wait for the skis but we're outta there in about 10 minutes. Jo heads for M&S to get some din, I head to Cafe Nero for some car coffee, but end up bailing as the queue is not moving & we're keen to get going.
Find our Addison Lee chap, a funny Dutch fella, swears a lot & can't find the car. He's quite sweet & funny, it must be difficult when you're parking at Heathrow several times a day, anyhoo he eventually finds it & we're on our way. Dutchy says central London traffic will be horrendous (obviously) & there's a been an accident on the M25, so it's the North Circular for us, which is pretty grinding as well.
Finally pull into our road about 8:30pm, Dutch gives us a hand bring our bags in & we bid a fond farewell to our crazy driver ya. We've become a bit obsessed with unpacking, we have to get as much sorted out as we can before we settle. We do realise though that there as some things that are just not worth putting away only to get out & pack them again on Sunday. Get unpacked, showered, in the jammies then flomp on the sofa with our pizza & Ski Sunday.
Days away from work 77
Likelihood of returning to work 50%
Most likely alternative = Jedi
Distance travelled - 45,505km (24,721nm)
Dr Mikey Dwomoh Overall Statistics (2015 in brackets)
Total vertical = 83,202
Lifts= 151
Dave Murray record – 6'08 (6'15")
Ski Cross - N/A (1'16")
Slalom
Rob - N/A (25:16")
Jo - N/A (26:80")
Jo's crashes stopped us getting the time
Fall Table
Jo = 13 (9)
Rob = 12 (9)
Jo takes the title for the first time in history. Many more days skiing this year, I reckon our falls per day ratio is well down
Tony - DNQ
Jenny - DNQ
Keeping the seniors records in preparation for their next Canadian challenge
Beers downed = 119
Steaks devoured = 37
Gins quaffed = 24
Sakes sank = 12
Bottles of Malbec guzzled = 9
Ribs gnawed = 7
Caipirinha quenched = 3
Khaluas savoured = 2
Mojitos sipped = 2
Day 67
Get a surprisingly good nights sleep considering the 8 hour time difference we've been in for the last 3 weeks. Up at 7:30, Jo takes delivery from Sainsbury's, he's no Darren or Ray though apparently. Little potter then off to meet the kids at Giraffe for brunch, have a lovely time with Kayla, Rachael, Scott & the munchers, shame that Scott couldn't make it though. Bid farewell to Kayla yet again as she goes to her Volvo, the rest of us are getting coffees & trying on wigs (Kayla would have enjoyed that). Quick stop home for a potter before our next round of visiting.
Drive through the South London badlands to the Malsters, all the gang are there. Chat about our ski trip & what's been going on while we were away, get Oliver & Elliot into trouble for fighting, JT seems to think I initiated it for some reason. Oliver has his Messi shirt on but no Neymar Jr for Elliott. Stay until 6, then we start to flag so it's time to say yet more farewells.
Quick stop for some dinner in Tesco, then it's get in, dinner on the sofa with double Mythbusters & time for bed.
Day 68
7 o/c & I'm up, we may have been away for the best part of 2 1/2 months but I haven't forgotten the Sunday morning routine. Salmon & eggs are served with Classic FM (not on the same plate Pete), some rather nice bake em yourself croissants with a fine selection of preserves for afters. Oh that reminds me, we picked up some Carnation toffee pie goo in Tesco last night, Kayla reckons it should be like dolce de leche. It would be a waste to open it now though so will put it to the test over Easter. Time for a recap of the Mythbusters episode we fell asleep in last night, then JT heads off to church.
So the usual Sunday routine for me, put Jo's underwear on while hanging myself from the back of a door with an orange in my mouth. Right enough of that, I've got jobs to do. Transport all the hiking & skiing gear into the loft & get the diving gear out. Get it sorted & packed into their respective bags, quite a bit of work but feels good to get everything tidy. Next up is the relatively simple task of packing for a normal holiday, no special kit, no oversized bags, just a suitcase.
JT arrives home to find my packing & her underwear laid out, so she gets started herself. Meanwhile I get to work on the SCUBA stuff, I've got a new "keep your ears dry" mask, maybe I'll have a diving trip without an ear infection, maybe. I hit on an idea for a sequel to Snow Zombies, Diving Zombies so put the mask & snorkel on and go to find JT, she thinks it's a winner but points out Scott was the last one to use my snorkel, hmmm must be a salty fella. Get the GoPro case packed with floaty appendages & we're all set.
Rather frustrating flight check in, American say checkin with Iberia because they ticketed us, Iberia say checkin with AA as its their flight, get there in the end though. Time for a FaceTime with Adam, arrange dinner with Vanessa in Miami on the way home & a call with my loveable oldies while loading & sorting our Whistler photos. Pop our skis into Snow & Rock for a service & storage wax, then grab a coffee on the way home. Hear from Rachael they're at the Spitfire park near us so head there for a game of football & play on the swings. Say our tearful goodbyes to those living in the real world.
Back home have a little check on work then it's time to get showered & into our jammies. Pizza on the sofa with more Mythbusters. Today Adam & Jamie were testing whether an axe, a gun or a chainsaw is most efficient at killing zombies, no wonder we love those guys. Time for our last sleep in our bed for a while.
Days away from work 79
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Underwear model
Gins quaffed = 26
Up at 6:30 to get our last minute jobs done & allow for the gruesome Monday M25 traffic. Make some oatmeal, just like in the old days, quick check on the news then it's shave, brush up & get ourselves together. Get on the road about 7:50, allowing over 4 hours before our flight but not worth the risk for an extra half hour in bed. Traffic is not toooooooooo bad, few queues around junctions but nothing major until we hit the M40 junction, that is grinding. Still pull into the car park at 9:40, which in the scheme of things is not great for 100km but any Londoner will tell you that's not bad.
Hand our keys to the chap & it's a short jog to the terminal, bit of a queue at the dedicated American Airlines block but their desks in the main terminal are empty. Get asked all sorts of questions, why are we going to Cancun, where have come from, how long did it take, others get even more detail, like who do they work for, how long have you worked there, how did you get to the airport, how much is your season ticket. Very strange, not sure if it's an AA thing as I never check bags when I fly with them for work, anyhoo I think we passed. Very helpful chap links our legs together (on our tickets, we're not entering a three legged race) & reserves our seats on the way home, JT has asked we don't sit together. Our bags are checked through to Cancun & chap tells us they'll go straight through, I'm a bit dubious, I think we'll need to pick them up in Philadelphia due to the silly American system.
Quick trot through fast rack where a very chirpy bodybuilder whisks us through. First stop is Sunglasses Hut for JT to replace the ones that are currently being worn by the Copacabana sea life, she is mighty efficient though, selecting a pair of Tiffany & getting us on our way to the lounge. Get ourselves settled with a rather tasty plate of full English & French pastry desert. Stay on coffee for as long as I can manage but ultimately relent & head for the gin like you knew I would, it was 11 o/c. Flight already has a half hour delay, still ok for our connection, hopefully there's no more. 12:10 & still no boarding call so head down to the gate where the Dorris tells us we're the last ones to arrive, but who goes to the gate before the boarding call? Anyway we don't have to sit with the herd long before we're pretty much the first on board, which sends the junior cabin crew fella into a panic as he calls for help. JT & I are in the middle on each side of the aisle, I've got mumsy Tracy, Jo has Cindy on speed, barking at passengers & telling them they can't have champagne because we're pushing back. I don't get champagne either, sparkling wine is all they can manage on AA.
Bit of a taxi as you would expect at Heathrow but we're soon in the air. Tracy brings me a G&T while we choose the films, JT ignores the critically acclaimed & academy award winners for the Peanuts Movie, I overrule her with The Big Short. Great little film, brilliantly acted by the all star cast, clever quirky touches & pieces to camera, while being disgusted with the industry I work in, oh & I used to sit outside the office of the only guy that went to jail in the whole mess. Dinner is pretty good, even though JT pulls a face as she saws through the overdone steak, she was expecting the rare Argentinean variety, well she did get a taste for young meat while she was down there. Next up on the movies is the best picture winner, Spotlight. Another fine choice, gripping story, focusing on old school journalism & not getting into the detail of the abuse, although it's hard not to be horrified by the scale & seemingly casual dismissal of what was going on. Meanwhile, Tracy constantly brings me gin & telling me about her holiday, I think she might be hoping to get me drunk & get lucky, but alas she's no BA first girl.
Flight crew made up our delay en route & we land in Philadelphia back on schedule. We're lightning off & get motoring as it seems our chap at Heathrow was a little optimistic, we need to clear customs & recheck our bags. Even though we were the first from our flight & the queue is not too big it still takes 30 minutes to get past the miserable mother flippers at US immigration. Still at least our bags will be on the carousel when we arrive, right, wrong, the gimps can't get the bloody doors off. I'm thinking I'll be giving Larry a call to take us out in Phili tonight when when we miss our connection. Half an hour later our bags do arrive so we hand our silly customs forms in & wheel them round the corner for some random bloke to put it back on the belt. Next in this most mental of countries we have to queue up again for airside security checks, at least the TAS chap was jolly & said we were a lovely couple. Not worth finding the lounge, just a quick pit stop in the restrooms where I try to console the distraught attendant, what do people do in toilets in Philadelphia? Flight called again as we arrive at the gate & again we're straight to it, have a chat with a couple about the slick American eagle print they get on their passport.
On board it's more Californian sparkling wine from the very funny attendant. Flight is almost empty, just us & our new friends in our cabin & 20 in the rest of the plane. Little wait before we take off from a rather gloomy Philadelphia evening, while I ponder where Larry would have taken us if things had of worked out differently. No video screens, bit poor for a 3 1/2 hour flight but no matter we have the iPad. Saw a bit of David Badiel's Silk Road on our brief return so I downloaded a few episodes & that's what we watch. First one goes down a treat, really interesting especially the parts of Xian we visited. Dinner is served, another steak with lobster mac & cheese this time, pretty good too. We devour another ice cream sundae during the next episode, then full & settled we start to nod off. Not too much longer before we're descending into Cancun.
Quite a speedy run through passport control & baggage reclaim, only slightly delayed by my inability to fill in their forms. Find our driver curb side who pops us in his Suburban, pampers us with cold towels for the 15 minute journey to our hotel, where we're greeted with more cold towels. Seen through to reception where there's a rather grand entrance with a lovely handing us glasses of champagne. Formalities done, we're given a mini tour of the bountiful amenities on the way to our room. Room is marbled & marvellous, Javier gives us the tour included the full sized bottles of vodka, rum & of course tequila, all included.
Settle on the balcony with the remnants of bubbly listening to the house Mariachi band in the cool of the late evening. Unpack, shower & pack down 23 hours after getting up this morning.
Days away from work 80
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = CDO Trader
Distance travelled - 53,671km (29,982nm)
Beers downed = 119
Steaks devoured = 41
Gins quaffed = 33
Champagne sipped = 19
Alarm goes off at 7:30 & we're a bit sluggish for a change, feeling tired & aching from our long day in airline seats yesterday. Eventually drag ourselves up & down to the wonders of the buffet. It is, of course, resplendent in the quality, variety & quantity. Chap offers us the now familiar choice of drinks, yeah orange juice, oh hang on a minute, did you say mimosa? Yeah mimosa, I'll have a mimosa, JT joins me. Apart from alcohol at 8:30am, we have granola, salmon with eggs & bagel and pancakes. Talk about what we are going to do when we go back to work, think that makes a total of three conversations about work, so roughly we've thought about work once a a month.
Breakfast done it's time to explore the resort, starting with the beach. First 20m of the ocean is crystal clear, after which it goes dark blue very quickly, guess there's a drop off out there. It's a bit seaweedy too & the rojo flags are out today so maybe everything is churned up. Have a very pleasant walk along the beach for a couple of resorts & back while we discuss, of all things, religion.
On the way back we stumble on the dive centre, result as the excellent dive sites was one of the main reasons we came here. Chap says the underwater museum is boring so go for the cave dive on Thursday, reef Friday & wreck Sunday. JT is keen to have a refresher for confidence as much as anything else, handily they have one in the pool in 30 mins. I decide to join her as this will save any recency issues when we're on our dives. Quick pop back to the room for our swimmies & rash vest then meet up with a couple on a taster dive. Establish they're from Canadia (well he's got a big maple leaf on his shirt), we like Canadians, I'm going to call her Sabrina, so I'll call him Patrick, although his real name is Kevin. We have to go through the basics due to the novices, which is a bit dull but you can always pick up a new trick or just helps to remember. Over to the pool which is as warm as a bath tub, try out my new ear covering mask, seems to work well. All get our gear on & ready to submerge. Sabrina is a sweet little thing but very nervous, JT gives advice & coaches her, bless her. All in all pretty basic but good to get that under ours belts before setting off for the deep blue sea. Get Roberto to sign our log books & say farewell to our Canadian friends.
Right, we must continue our resort investigation. Check out the gift shop, which is surprisingly good, going to be tough to decide what to bring back for the family, especially Kayla. Grab a coffee & challenge JT to a game of chess, I'm too polite to tell you the outcome, let's just say I wish we made it strip chess. Get some information on trips, there's some Mayan temples we'd like to have a gander at. Quick pitstop in the room then over to the pool. Find a couple of likely loungers, then do a couple of floaty laps round the lazy river, very nice & relaxing. There's a giant iguana on the grass next to the pool, he's nodding his head like a loon so go over to see what he's up to, ah he's bonking, right best we leave you to it then mate. Have a little sit in the late afternoon sun with a Pina Colada for the lady and a G&T for me, before its time to get ourselves ready for the anniversary treat the hotel has for us, JT said on the booking it was our anniversary in the hope we'll get some freebies.
We're fashionably late for the event which turns out to be a celebration of love on the beach & it's not what you're thinking. We stand in a circle while a quartet of native dressed people chant about protecting the earth & the environment. The climax is all holding hands & rushing into the circle like a Mexican Hokey Cokey, I'm tempted to shout put your left leg in, but that would just prolong the farce. As the whooping dies down & we thank our natives we are handed a complimentary cocktail, well everything is complimentary. Have a little sit by the shore to complete the love celebrations while the sun slowly sets behind us.
Time for a pre dinner cocktail we thinks, so grab a mojito at one of the myriad of outdoor bars while watching the live music. Dinner time now, lobster place closed, steak place has a long wait so go for Mexican, well when in Rome. Food is ok, so is the merlot, but the one thing I learned is when a Mexican tells you something is hot, you better believe him. Post dinner liquor time now, we head for the indoor martini bar away from the Popstar show going on in the main lounge. Order espresso martinis, couple of them in fact while we research 80s fancy dress. Bump into our new Canadian friends in the bar, catch up on their little dive today, sounded pretty good & all went well.
Right now it shirley must be the stop drinking & going to bed part of the evening. Pleasant walk back in the still warm evening. Teeth cleaned, I finish up the blog while Jo falls asleep in front of the National Geographic channel.
Days away from work 81
Likelihood of returning to work 49%
Most likely alternative = Chilli taster
Beers downed = 119
Steaks devoured = 41
Gins quaffed = 34
Mojitos sipped = 4
Cocktails partaken = 9
Day 71Alarm goes off at 7 & time for us to stop lolly gagging around & do some exercise. Stretch, kit on, iPod on we head down to the beach. Quickly settle into a rhythm with the latest indie hits filling my ears. Good run on the mainly firm sand along the shore until it turns into a quagmire, I try to signal to JT to turn back but it's too late & she's up to her knees in wet sand & seaweed. Run back past the hotel & back again. A pleasant run, without setting any speed records a good workout. Cool down on the walk back to the room, although already pretty warm. Shower ourselves, rinse our sweaty kit, wash the sand & sea out of our trainers. Right, now we've earned some breakfast.
Mimosas again to start, then I go for the granola & some green health drink, cause that will make up for everything else I force down my gullet. Egg & bacon course while I check on the budget news, usual tweaks to personal allowances, tobacco tax (not that I care these days), but the big news is the proposed tax on sugary drinks & about damn time if you ask me. Response from the political heavy weight Corbyn would be amusing but it doesn't come through in time. Pastry course is next while I read The Times that includes a familiar scene of demonstrations in Buenos Aires. The new el Presidente is pushing through an agreement on repaying the outstanding government debt they restructured (or defaulted on depending on your position), which sparks an interesting debate with JT on Argentinian govt bonds, impact of short positions & funding costs for the intervening 14 years. Still can't let South American politics get in the way of our lattes on the terrace.
Quick stop in the room to pick up our pool kit then find a lounger in the same spot as yesterday. Tis rather warm & sunny so don our rash vests & head out on a cooling cruise of the lazy river. No floaty mats around as the selfish fatties seem to have commandeered them, hoarding them under their lardy buttocks. Walk a while in the cool pool until we repatriate one for our lazy buttocks & drift around the pool. Wildlife is the theme of today as we try in vain to save the life of a bee who seems intent on committing suicide in the pool, and Bertie the Iguana who we find mounting his wife so leave them to do their thang.
Right, time for some pre dive pool practice. I change the Velcro strap I fitted to my new mask for the original plastic one, I felt it wasn't holding it tight enough. Have a good old spit in the mask, the greener the cleaner, then get it on, get the ears in & submerge. Good equalising practice even in a 1.5m pool, but the mask is not fairing so well, keeps getting fogged up. Fiddle with the mask, tighter, looser, have a few more goes, it's better but still a little foggy, I think the ear seal isn't tight enough but there's not much I can do about that. Jo seems pretty happy in her new mask broken in by Rachael. Training & floating over we sit & dry off in the sun.
Mid afternoon, we fancy a coffee & maybe a little treat so it's up to the coffee bar by reception. I ask Jo if she fancies a rematch on the chessboard, she declines, I offer to give her some pieces as a head start, she seem offended & declines. Have a chat about my ears, on top of the fog my mask doesn't seem to be keeping my ears completely dry. Decide we'll pop along to the house doctor to get him to have a look at them. El doctorrrrrrrr sees me straight away, explain the situation, he says he's going to give me an ear wash, never had one of those before, and I've had some things done to my ears. Lay on the couch then he pours some stuff in that fizzes like alkaline metal in water, he tells me it's killing the bacteria, well I must have more bacteria in my ears than a whores draws. In any case it's not unpleasant & my ears do feel clearer after the sherbet dab treatment. JT brings the wealth of drops I've been given over the years, el doctor selects one & says start using this & come back & see me after your dive tomorrow.
Back in the room it's time for a little rest, then a shower, then dressed up for dinner. I must say, even though this resort is inhabited mainly by Americans, most people are smart casual in the evenings. Learning from yesterday we head straight for the steak restaurant & get our name down while we enjoy a cocktail & the rather good singer they have on tonight. We're half way through our kir royals and G&T when our buzzer goes off, summoning us to our table. JT goes for her Argentinean favourite rib eye, while I research T bone in the hope a porterhouse will appear. Both are rather good without being Hawksmoor or Wolfgang quality but then what the heck is. Wash down with a couple of glasses or Merlot (they don't seem to have Malbec) & even squeeze in a mini desert.
JTs too tired for after dinner cocktail we head straight back to our room. Teeth cleaned & in our jammies it's pretty much straight to lights out as we have a big day tomorrow.
Days away from work 82
Likelihood of returning to work 45%
Most likely alternative = Dive mask tester
Jogging = 50km
Beers downed = 119
Steaks devoured = 43
Gins quaffed = 35
Cocktails partaken = 10
Up at 7, quickly cobble together our dive stuff then down to breakfast. Have an efficient & teetotal breakfast then it's off to the front to wait for our pickup. Van arrives at 8:50, quick check of our tickets & licences then climb aboard with our dive buddies. Sit on the back seat with Justin, a young chap from NYC, chat to him about the city, working in finance (he's just about to join Blackrock form university) & partying vs diving, he was up at 6am for this trip, leaving his spring break mates sleeping off whatever spring breakers get up to. Justin is also a qualified dive instructor having racked up hundreds of dives in British Virgin Islands, Grand Cayman & Fiji amongst others, hmm not bad for a kid who's not even finished college, I wonder if his surname is Blackrock, quite modest & down to earth with it though. It's an hour to the dive shop where we get kitted out with what we need then it's a short & bumpy ride down the track to the caverns. Once there we check our equipment & get details on the dive as we try to read the map through the fog created by the chain smoking Germans. We're in group 2 with David, a nice chap from Oklahoma, JT was hoping for Justin as a) she likes young guys & b) having another instructor on a scary dive would be a bonus.
Haul our gear down the steps to the waters edge & wait while the first group completes their dive. JT & I decide to don our wetsuits & swim around the cavern entrance, this is a good move to get used to the feel of the enclosed space before its time to enter the caves below. I also establish that my new enclosed ear mask isn't going to work, the lens just fogs up all the time, even with David's anti fog drops & all the lugies I can muster. Just time to jog back up to grab my spare before our dive time. German's hop out with a couple of Marlboros on the go along with Justin & the other young chap we never caught the name of.
Now it's our turn, wetsuits on, tank & BCD strapped to our backs, GoPros a go we sit on the edge with all the little fishes nibble nibbling our feet while we get our flippers on. Swim out into the pool for a final check & get our flashlights before we head into the abyss. Although not particularly tight the entrance to the caves is dark & a little daunting. Cave opens up almost immediately into a strange underwater world. Rows of short, pointed stalactites drip from the ceiling with the odd monolith striking down into the cave. Stumpier stalagmites rise up from the rock below, less uniform but larger than the ones above. The caves are fed by the sea & rivers, the more dense salt water sinking to the bottom, fresh water at the top & a wavy line in between. Apart from the odd ray of light from the surface getting through, the caves are very dark, little is visible except where you shine your torch. While some of the connecting tunnels are a bit tight, for the most part the caverns are open, leaving plenty of room to explore. The terrain is quite undulating, bottoming around 13m but as shallow as 5m in places. This makes equalising challenging & while for once my dodgy ears cope well, equally as surprising Jo struggles with hers. Around 30 mins I give the sign that I'm down to 2,000 bar, which as it turns out is irrelevant as we're 50m from the start / finish point, not that I was to know in our strange dark world.
Hop out & discuss our dive, I must say being in an enclosed space with no access to the surface didn't enter my head once, Jo ,who thinks about things far more than I, found it quite daunting & a little claustrophobic. Usually JT relishes being in close contact with four blokes all trying to cram themselves into tight entrances. Recognising this, David gives her some words of encouragement, but she's not one to be put off & is up for some more so we head up to change our tanks for the second dive. I go through 3 tanks & 2 sets of hoses before I'm satisfied that I've got a set with no leaks, which is after all why you check your kit. Just time for a quick couple of bites out of my packed lunch before getting back down to the pool.
Hector, our dive master, is waiting in the water for us & will have done four dives, 140mins back to back, not sure that's particularly good for you. Anyhoo, down we go on a different route, via a different inky black cave. Similar story this time, interesting cave structures but very little life to be found in this environment inhospitable to life. Half way point provides a stunning view up into another pool full with fallen trees which looks spectacular though the refracting light caused by the change from salt to fresh water. As we travel from the shallow pool through to another open cavern Jo has real equalising problems & is unable to descend deep enough to get through the cave entrance. I guess this is where having no access to the surface is an issue, well that & if you'd run out of air due to a dodgy tank. With help from Hector, JT inches along the roof of the cavern, descending slowly & getting just deep enough to pass through. From here it's a short flipper to the pool & safety.
Jump out, rinse our gear & dry off while taking photos for the local club that's visiting the caves. Back up top there appears to be a forest fire, but turns out it's just the cloud of smoke being generated by our German friends, I'm surprised they didn't use an air / nicotine mix in their tanks. While a bit inconsiderate with their chain smoking & intimidating with their death metal tattoos, they were very pleasant & chatty, book / cover & all that. Raul shows us the DVD he made of us underwater on the car battery powered laptop. It's pretty good & only $25 but we don't have that much cash so get a T shirt instead. Right, just time to finish off our rolls then jump in the van for our journey home.
Chat to our new friends while we meander up the track before the vehicle falls into silence on the main road while the majority lapse into a dive induced coma. An hour later we're the first to be dropped off, just in time too as JT is in more danger of drowning than ever, this time from her own drool. Justin has another 45 minutes, David has over an hour up to Cancun, not sure about the Germans as they hopped out for another fag at our gate. Bid our fond farewells as we are welcomed home. Head for the Dr as promised to check my ears but he's nowhere to be found so grab an iced coffee & wait around a bit. Still no sign of el Doctoro, with my ears feeling ok & another dive tomorrow we call it a day with plans to check in after our our next dive.
Back in the room we download all the GoPro footage, get showered & have a mini rest. Some of the video is good, well after we learned that you have to point the camera in the same direction as your torch otherwise you get video of blackness. Photos are all blurry though, which is a shame but we get some good stills from the video. Feeling rather tired but also rather hungry we head down for dinner.
Lobster grill for us tonight, so pop our names down & head off for cocktails on the terrace. Back at the grill it's the steak & lobster special washed down with a couple of glasses of Merlot. Dinner is very good as are the mini deserts, then we're off for a nightcap in the Martini Bar.
Grab a couple of espresso martinis as we order our 80s fancy dress accessories. Make it back to the room thanks to the martini livener, then it's into the jammies & a quick repack of the dive gear for another underwater adventure tomorrow.
Days away from work 85
Likelihood of returning to work 40%
Most likely alternative = Cave diver
Maximum depth = 12.8m
Gross altitude change = 6,975m
Beers downed = 119
Steaks devoured = 45
Gins quaffed = 36
Cocktails partaken = 13
Earlier 6:30 start today, grab our bag, down to breakfast, no mimosas again, JT is getting the shakes. Efficient breakfast then out front for our 8 o/c pick up, which doesn't arrive until 8:20. Mainly couples on this bus, don't look much like divers, probably whelks. Get seated on the back seat behind a young Mexican girl draped over a 50 something American. I initiate a game of charades to pass the time, make shiny gestures, "Gold" calls out JT, then I make like a shovel, "Digger" shouts Jo triumphantly before she realises what I've got her to say. It's not so far to our drop off today as we're deposited outside a shop in Playa del Carmen. Merge with another group then Shrek takes us through to the ferry terminal & hands us over to Porky to explain the logistics for the rest of the trip. Seems we have snorkelers & trainer divers in our group too, makes sense. The Porkster gives us our tickets for the 30 minute crossing to Cozumel & we make our way on board.
It's a rather uninteresting crossing as we park ourselves in an empty row & watch adverts for the abhorrent bars & clubs that inhabit this island. Once back on dry land Porky directs us to our next meeting spot, points out the lunch stop before setting off for the boat. Divers on the main deck, snorkelers upstairs. Bit of a faff sorting everything out, must be challenging with so many people coming together from different resorts all doing different things. We're with a group from one of the cruise ships, whiny girl & know it all husband and a couple of chubby girls who clearly share more than their love of food. Cruise ship people dispute the park fee & wetsuit charge, I'm sure they can afford it though. Next we stop at the dive shop to drop off the snorkel people, pick up gear & allow those who can afford $12 to hire their wetsuits. Set sail again, drop off the trainees, finally setting off to the dive site & it's about damn time if you ask me. Upstairs for the briefing, chat to a few others from the cruise, doesn't inspire us to try it.
Finally, finally, we're at the dive site, we're in group one & JT is on the back step with her new friend, round Larry. The boat crew urge them off so momentarily Larry & his chubby chasing would be girlfriend are bobbing along, I try to bob alongside but my BCD isn't inflating, bummer with no snorkel either but we're soon descending. Drop straight down to around 15m, JT does better today but still not up to her usual perfect equalising. Immediately we see a turtle munching on some weed with two big flounder hoovering up his scraps. I swim up with the GoPro looky-looky floater stick & get some astounding footage. Swim along the reef filled with life & colour, descending as we go. Hit around 28m around the drop off, still crystal clear at this depth & below, then trailing away into the deep blue. Have a bit of mask trouble due to the pressure, it's tight to my face & feels like my eyeballs are going to pop out, they don't, although that would be amusing, I finally sort it out. Pass a few moray eels & a myriad of colourful tropical fish along the reef, bit of a pain my BCD doesn't inflate but it's good buoyancy practice just using my breathing to stay just above the bottom. Mr smarty tank & his whiny wife hold hands throughout the dive, they're either disgustingly lovey or she's more of a baby than we thought. They go up long before everyone else. Spot a Grey Nurse shark, too far away to be threatening but exciting all the same. After 45 mins I'm at 700 bar so give the signal & call for my dive buddy before we ascend to 5m for our safety stop before surfacing.
Back on the boat, handily about 5 minutes before the rest which gives us time to sort ourselves out before it gets crowded again. Boat heads back towards shore for our second dive while the crew feed us melon, pineapple & bananas. Right, time to get our gear back on, crew have changed our tanks which I check more closely this time. JT & cuddly Larry are first in the water again, conscious that Larry is far more man than me I hurry myself in too, this time we all bob along together. Down to a much shallower reef this time, only hit 15m max. Water is even clearer, if that's possible, and enjoy more marine wonders, eels, angel fish, skate & more colourful aquatic life than you can shake a fin at. Sergio, our dive master, stops to dig out & show a large sea urchin, not sure why, it's not that interesting and JT & I get cold. Sergio gives a few more shark symbols but we never see one, do see a lobster on our way up, but hardly a man eater,
Back on the boat we get out of our suit & rash vest then dry off on the upper deck. Quick pit stop at the dive shop to drop off & pick up then it's back into town for a late lunch. Fajitas & a few glasses of Sol cevesa hit the spot after over 90 mins under the sea. Another cameraman tries to flog us his wares, this one wants $70 & gets no change out of us, Jo thinks it's touched up anyhoo. Round Larry forks out though & is summoned by his new girlfriend, quizzing him on why, but he seems happy. Quick time check reveals we have 20 minutes till ferry & we've got to get to Starbucks yet. Fortunately it's on the way & they're just finishing up the couple of Dorrises in front of us, unfortunately they're whiny, whingey American Dorrises. I send JT to get the tickets from the Porkenator as fat boys like her while I try to negotiate a quick turnaround on the fraps. Dorrises want everything, can you turn it upside down, can you scoop the foam out, can you stick nut syrup in it, I'll stick my nuts in there if you'll just shut the hell up! Grab the iced treats & dash up to find JT who has the tickets & we're on board with a few minutes to spare.
Trip home is equally uneventful especially as we sleep through it. Half hour later we trot off to Senior Frog to meet Porky, who hands us off to Shrek & a different set of companions, including Jo's favourite, round Larry & another chap from the Capri resort, who may or may not have been his dad. It's a short hop to their resort, followed by an even shorter one to ours, farewells bidded to all with usual fondness, we are home at last, 10 hours after setting off this morning.
Back in the room JT is hot & sticky, covered in salty fluids, as you would expect after a day out with a boat full of seamen. Hose her down & get her presentable for dinner then head to The Grill for a burger & a beer. Burger is good except for the portobello mushroom which was radioactive, really juicy thick burger though, JT hasn't had a piece of meat that thick since she was at Porky's.
We have our nightcap on the terrace this evening as there is some Mexican themed entertainment going on. Bump into our Canadian friends (eh?) on the way home, they are most impressed with the turtle photos on the iPad. Sabrina is amazed I took it underwater, her fella rolls his eyes as I (hopefully) politely explain we transferred them from the GoPro. Say our goodnights & get home & into the jammies. See the end of Live, Die, Repeat while I take my ear drops like a man.
Days away from work 86
Likelihood of returning to work 35%
Most likely alternative = Underwater photographer
Maximum depth = 28.7m
Gross altitude change = 6,989m
Beers downed = 127
Steaks devoured = 45
Gins quaffed = 37
Cocktails partaken = 16
Yesterday I said to JT, maybe my dad is right, we should relax a bit more so I probably won't go for a run in the morning. JT says, well you're going to be lying around for the rest of the day, ok I'll go for a run. So this morning I'm up for my run, "you running JT?", "no, I might go for a walk though". Ok so walk down to the beach, I'm running up to Puerto Morelos, JT is walking along the shore as her dodgy left legs is still playing up from our last run. Strong headwind on the outward leg, sand is pretty firm just off the shore though. Difficult to tell when I've reached Puerto Morelos so turn around after I pass a resort after about 20 minutes, then turn back with a tail wind. Find JT waiting for me on the lounger & we head back for a cooling shower.
Right down to breakfast, feeling better for having earned some of these indulgences & double helping of mimosas. Usual granola, eggs & pancake courses, all good. Check on the news, discuss the EU deal with Turkey over the immigration crisis, then move on to religious progression through history & the current day. Rather warm in the restaurant this morning, so take our coffees back to the room to have a little potter & do a few jobs. Turns into quite a potter but then my dad did say take it easy. Drag ourselves up & go visit the Dr, but again there is no sign of him.
Time for a dip now, our favourite spot is taken, but find some nice loungers by the next pool. Turns out the pool is the hot bath we had our scuba refresher in, not our favourite, but no matter there's yet another pool a few steps away. Float through the main pool, seems to be quite a hullabaloo going on around the bar, maybe a mini band of spring breakers, maybe just loud mouthed Americans. I spot a couple of nice loungers free so suggest we move, JT thinks my motivation is the two super hot girls next door, but we know nothing could be further from the truth. In any case they're gone by the time we finish our lap.
Back at our spot, we have a delightful sit in the sun, Jo has a nice nap then we go to see if the doc is back, he's not so have a frapuchino instead, drink it, don't put it in my ear. Have a game of table tennis & table football before returning to the pool. Bump into some drunk Canadian (& it's only 5 o/c) making a dam out of floaty mats, Jo tells him he's like a beaver, he tells her he has a 20 inch penis, Jo tells him so does she. Make it back safely to our loungers without running into any more drunks, Canadians or oversized genitalia. Dry off, then time to head to our little home to freshen up for this evening. Catch the end of King Kong on the telly, start to get dragged into The Taking of Pelham 123 but just about make it out.
Head down to the terrace for tonight's entertainment, decent singer on, followed by a Cuban band with hot Cuban dancers. Really good show while we down a couple of G&Ts and a couple of Kia Royals for the poser. Feeling rather hungry, time for a Saturday night curry. Decent selection of our Indian favourites, we plump for spicy & non spicy chicken, lentils & chick peas. Ask for a couple of Kingfishers, waiter thinks I want a Kinky Fisher, he then goes on to explain kinky means new, so we are kinky because this is our first time there. All rather bazaar, get Mexican beer instead. Food is pretty good, dal is our favourite though.
Not feeling we've had enough to drink today we're off to the Martini Bar for an espresso martini nightcap. Stumble back to the room where it's teeth cleaned, jammies & bed.
Days away from work 87
Likelihood of returning to work 30%
Most likely alternative = Wiff waff coach
Jogging = 58km
Beers downed = 130
Steaks devoured = 45
Gins quaffed = 39
Cocktails partaken = 24
Back to the sea today & back to the 6:30 start. Get our dive stuff together, remember to connect my snorkel, then down to breakfast. We're teetotal again this morning as we take our diving seriously, preferring to hydrate ourselves with juice, bacon, eggs & pancakes. It's a short hop from breakfast to the watersports shop on the beach, no protracted or complex transfers for us today, we're heading straight out from our own beach. Chat to a couple of the others as they come up, rather gregarious chap Tony saunters up from Dreams down the beach with his folded down wetsuit complete with knife accessory, think I might get myself one. Get the rest of our gear together then we're out on the boat before 9am.
It's a short & bouncy ride on the small boat, Jo squeals like, well, like a girl as we skim off the waves & crash back down into the ocean. We get our fins & BCD during the trip & in about 10 mins were at the dive site. There's 8 of us in total, 6 divers & 2 dive masters. We're doing a backwards entry (Jo's favourite) into the water then descent down the rope to the wreck 30m below. Equalising is good for both of us, although JT gets caught in the swell as she has to wait for divers below to get down. The sunken ship is right there in front of us, looks impressive & a little eerie as the visibility fades along the side. Swim around it first, the ship totally engulfed by the sea, covered in barnacles & coral and filled with marine life. Rays are tucked into the sand along the bottom, shaking themselves off & swimming away as we go past, well apart form one who's too cool, I even try giving him a gentle nudge with my flipper & my hand but he won't budge, not until JT gives him a boot up the ass. Get some great footage, good work JT. Next is the swim through, Jo bravely & sensibly declines preferring to explore the more open upper decks. I'm straight in, diving through the hatch & into the dark rooms below. I've gotta say its pretty cool, swimming through the doorways into the different compartments, light & fish streaming through the open portholes. Although the areas inside are pretty open, the entrances are fairly tight, I get a few scrapes on the rusty metal, Jo would definitely not like it. Rejoined by JT we have a little explore of the front of the ship before its time to head up for our 5m safety stop.
Back on the boat I've still got 1,200 bar left, while most are complaining about being nearly out, one guy even had to buddy breathe at the safety stop. Right time to get to our next dive spot, queue more squealing from the only girl in the boat. Gear changed over & surface interval done en route it's time for our second dive.
Flop in off the back & straight down to the reef at only 8m. The shallower waters put us in quite a swell, you need a strategy to avoid burning your air, I hang as the flow goes against you & push forward with the current. We're only in about 5 mins when Sergio, our dive instructor, spots a turtle. I swim up & get some great footage alongside him before allowing my shelled friend to swim off into the blue without further harassment. Rest of the reef is pretty nice, lots of fans, coral & big shoals of fish, but no major sea beasts. Longer dive this time but JT & I still have 1,800 bar (from 3,000 starting), I presume the otters with their flailing around in the water & swimming against the current had less. Still I don't think there was any more to see & completely agree with coming up together.
Back on board it's another fun, bumpy & short ride back to shore and it's not even 11 o/c, we wouldn't be finished breakfast on another day. Unload the boat, take our stuff back to dive hut, get our logbooks signed for dives 26 & 27 then bid our fond farewells to our dive buddies. Good safe dive with our instructor Sergio, while we appreciate being a certified diver means taking responsibility for yourself, the other dive masters have taken that quite literally, leaving us to our own devices. No wetsuits as promised by the guy in the shop but we weren't cold at all, even on the 30m dive. Right time to get back to the room to freshen up, you know what's coming, right. JT is hot sticky & exhausted, covered in salty goo from indulging in watersports with 7 blokes, especially after taking a couple of loads over the backside, relieving herself in the shower & emerging satisfied at last.
Right, all freshen up its time for our first lunch of the trip, we fancy a burger & a beer after all that. Look for the rock burger shack but that's too close to the pool bar that has some cocktail game going on, the organiser shouting out "Ice, Ice" & baying for the audience to reply "Baby!". Settle in the grill with a couple of meat sandwiches (JTs favourite) & a couple of cevesas while they play an eclectic mix that includes Kula Shaka & Glory, Glory Man Utd. Grab an after lunch frap & head down to the beach to watch the storm clouds roll in & get some dramatic photos. It's not long before the clouds turn to torrential rain & we're forced to make a dash for cover. While away the rainy afternoon with a bar game challenge of fussball & pool, followed by some impressive table tennis action, honours are about even, although I will suggest strip pool next time we play.
Back in the room we intend to just have a little rest & more preventative ear treatment due to our absentee doctor. Turns into quite a rest as we watch all of Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom, really good selection of films on the resort TV, stations 48-50 are a bit specialist though. Drag ourselves out to dinner before the next blockbuster comes on. Although a bit later than normal it would be rude not to go for pre dinner cocktails, which we enjoy with yet more live music. It's Italian for us tonight & probably our best meal of the trip so far. Beef carpaccio to start, scallops for JT & veal for me are excellent, as is the Merlot which is constantly topped up. JT has a not very authentic but delicious interpretation of tiramisu for pudding.
The evening wouldn't be complete without a nightcap in the Martini Bar. Sit & chat over our cocktails while sending photos to our dive buddies, honeymooning Tony & flowery shorts boy. There's quite a show going on in the terrace, we're tempted to stay for one more but it's standing room only & we're feeling too pssed to stand. Back in the room JT calls me out on the balcony to join in Sweet Caroline being pumped out but the house band. We agree to head back down as we're still dressed but alas that was their closing number. So it's back inside to fall into another drink induced coma.
Days away from work 88
Likelihood of returning to work 30%
Most likely alternative = Carry On film script writer
Jogging = 58km
Beers downed = 133
Steaks devoured = 45
Gins quaffed = 40
Cocktails partaken = 27
Alarm at 7am but if I'm honest, & I'm always honest, we don't drag our lazy behinds up until 7:30. Down to the beach for our walk / run, I'm off to Puerto Morelos again. Good run, quicker & easier today without the headwind of day 76, not as warm either, overcast & stormy this morning. Back to the room for a shower & dress for breakfast. Have a look at the a la cart brekkie grill but there's not a lot that tempts us so it's the good old reliable buffet for us. My dad says we should concentrate on the drinking, & I always so as my parents tell me, so order two mimosas with our brunch. Read about George & David falling out in Downing St, Barrack's historic trip to Cuba & Fernando's horror crash in Australia.
Decide to have our post breakfast rest on the terrace, the weather is looking very unsettled. Write some blog, reply to some emails & finalise our football trip with the boys. Weather starts to break so pop up to get our swimmies & down to the pool. Still not especially sunny so the usual lobsters are elsewhere leaving us the rare opportunity to bag one of the double beds in the sun. Have a bask in the cloudy sun, followed by a dip in the pool & another delightful dry out. Even though it's cloudy, we head in for a frappuccino & a little treat to avoid becoming lobsters ourselves.
Right time for a game of tennis to complete the selection of games on offer at this resort, well all the games that don't involve swapping. Get our PE kit on & head to the courts, that seem to be located behind the sewage treatment plant. The tennis is high class, the like not seen since the Zanzibar Masters in 2013. We're joined by another couple on the next court, fortunately they're as terrible as us. I think the French girl was a bit infatuated with me, calling for me to pop my balls through the fence. A game of mixed doubles is not on offer though as we head back hot & sweaty.
Showered & into the jammies for a pre dinner rest while watching Two & a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory. Finally the cold of the room & silliness of TV drives us out to dinner. There's a bit of a do going on on the terrace, fancy tables & a buffet dinner on offer. Grab a drink at the bar while we scope out what's going on. Make our way to dinner & in the sea of communal tables we're shown to a big table on our own. Feeling lonely we grab our buffet starter only to find that Danny & Joan are our dinner companions. Have a lovely dinner with our new friends while we chat about everything from resort gluttons to American politics. Dinner & desert done we say a tearful goodbye to our lovely couple from Connecticut before moving to the lounge.
Watch the car crash karaoke while we get trolleyed, following my fathers advice. There's an assortment of real tragic acts on stage including a overly ambitious but hilarious rendition of Slim Shady. JT threatens to get on stage to sing Amy Winehouse's Rehab with added expletives but instead just trashes the place in her drunken state as we head home at nearly 1am. Back in the room JT falls into a drink induced coma having narrowly avoided wetting herself.
Days away from work 89
Likelihood of returning to work 30%
Most likely alternative = Alcoholics Anonymous councillor
Jogging = 64km
Beers downed = 133
Steaks devoured = 45
Gins quaffed = 42
Cocktails partaken = 37
Alarm goes off at 7am & we rise, surprisingly without the hint of a hangover, despite the quantity of alcohol we put away last night. Down to the beach for our walk & run, I'm back up to Puerto Morelos again, up at the turn around point I spot the most amazing mansion on the beach, it's quite a pad. Pick JT up on the way back & grab a nice cool shower back in the room. JT has a touch of the end of holiday blues, think I will have to book four days in Tahiti to get her on the plane tomorrow. Anyhoo, breakfast should cheer her up & the buffet is calling. Start with a couple of mimosas, before moving on to the granola, poached eggs & salmon before finishing with pancakes. While the eggs are sunny, the world of news is far from it. Tragic story of the family who's car slid off the slipway in Co Donegal & the horrifying Brussels terrorist attacks.
Sit on the terrace dissecting the news, JT has some fascinating insights from her current book "Heretic". Grab a couple of lattes to pep us up as I check up on work, just to make sure it's still there when we get back. Go up to the travel desk to move our transfer, don't think we need to leave 3 hours before our flight. Quick pit stop in the room, then down for our final pool. Claim a couple of shady loungers before heading off for our familiar lap on the floaties. Dry off & sit in the warm sun until it gets a little intense & we're not keen on sunburn as a holiday memento. Pack our stuff up, leave the pool behind, grab a couple of frappuccinos from the coffee shop & a couple of crepes from crepe man. Settle on the terrace where there just happens to be a pole dancing class going on. Instructor as you would expect is super hot, one or two of the students ain't bad either. Leave the girls to it for some table tennis action, I'm keen for some revenge but JT puts me at the end facing the pole dancing class & it all goes horribly wrong, or right, depends on your view.
With the ping ponged we're back to the room for a little TV, catch the second half of the fine film, Argo. Right, the packing needs to be done, doesn't take too long & JT doesn't seem too suicidal, which is nice. All ready for the off tomorrow we can head out to enjoy our last evening at the Lobster Grill. No queue but go for a cocktail anyway, it's our last night you know. Enjoy a delightful gin & Kir Royal in the cool of the evening, until the Popstar show comes on, time for dinner. Get seated, next to the large table of large mouthed Americans, including one who's dressed as a pirate. Fortunately they bugger off to allow us to enjoy their fine fish cake starter, steak & Lobster mains and Key Lime Pie afters.
Dinner & Merlot consumed it's time for another cocktail on the terrace while we soak in the last of the live music. Kahlua & Espresso Martini go down very nicely with our favourite Sweet Caroline coming from the band. It's rather chilly out tonight, I mean not puffer jacket cold but chilly enough to send us home. Back in the room we pack our evening clothes & pack down with the Bewitched film.
Days away from work 90
Likelihood of returning to work 30%
Most likely alternative = News correspondent
Jogging = 70km
Beers downed = 133
Steaks devoured = 48
Cocktails partaken = 44
Gins quaffed = 43
Alarm goes off at 7, but I'm in no rush to leave the comfy bed, JT is off to beautify herself for the butch cabin crew we will no doubt encounter on our travels today. Time for me to do the same, you never know we may have have an American Airlines flight attendant that isn't a craggy old bint. Down to the buffet, I would say we're going for a last morning blow out, but that would just be a normal day. Do get fresh pancakes to go with double mimosas & the rest of our favourites. Read the news as more details come out on the Brussels bombings.
Pop into the gift shop for a few little presents & chocolates for the kids, sorry girls the giant, beautifully decorated sombreros were just too big & the papier-mâché Day of he Dead dolls would never make the trip alive. Hope you will be pleased though. Head back to the room & round the last of our bits up. Shun the constant offers of bell service & take our cases over for check out, we've only got two wheelie cases. Leave JT to check us out as I go to say our farewells to Danny & Joan from the other night. Peel Danny off me & meet JT out front where our driver is waiting for us.
It's only about 20 minutes to the airport while Manuel tells us very proudly about his home town of Mexico City. Quick & efficient checkin at the AA desk, chap tells us our bags are going all the way to Heathrow, hmm we'll believe that when we get to Miami. Some pretty gruesome people watching on offer as people turn up at the airport dressed for the beach with a beer in their hand. Security checks are really smooth & quick, momentarily we in the busy airside, full of shops & restaurants (of the Bubba Gump & Margaritaville variety) but sadly no lounge. Have a browse of the tat before depositing ourselves with a Starbucks frappuccino. Wander to the gate with 30 mins to run, just before the cabin crew arrive, looking rather flustered. They turn it round pretty quick & soon enough we're invited on board & get in the air not far behind schedule.
Flight is pretty uneventful, only about an hour & 20 when we're pulling into Miami. Quick off the plane, long hike to passport control where the spectacular incompetency of America kicks in. Firstly let's remember this is completely their own doing, I am not trying to enter America, I have no wish to do anything other than connect from one flight to another & only because it was a lot cheaper than the only direct flight. So there's queues for Global Entry holders, US & Canadians & visitors, we join the visitor queue, sour faced old Dorris refuses to let us join the queue of 3 people when we admit we have an ESTA. Try for the ESTA queue but we don't have a ticket, we are directed to the machines, much to the horror of an American behind us, this is just for US citizens! Machine scans our passport, takes our picture, scans our fingerprints & issues our ticket & go back to the ESTA line where we queue, again. Finally seen but a boarder control person who, you guessed it, scans our passport, takes our picture, scans our fingerprints before finally stamping our passport.
Baggage reclaim farce is next, wait by the carousel, no sign, start to realise all the bags on here are from our flight, except ours. Go & check with the baggage people who assure me the bags are going straight to London, as the chap in Cancun said but contrary to the cabin crew & the announcements in the baggage hall. Well our bags aren't there so guess we have no choice but to believe them. Transfers dumps us out at security check at land side where we queue up yet again. So congratulations America, you have slowed down the process for everyone & generated work for yourselves, for what? Finally get through, train to the AA Admirals Club excuse for a lounge but really must stop moaning.
Have a few gins, several cubes of cheese, a cookie or two while we soak up the free WiFI. Read on Twitter that Dave Grohl wrote to Cornwall council on behalf of a young rock group (Black Leaves of Envy) pleading for them to be allowed to practice in the or garage as well a giving them soundproofing advice, what a guy. The board still just seats gate open with less than 30 minutes to take off so Jo checks with the Doris, who tells her you can never trust the boards at Miami, it started boarding a little while ago. Well at least it isn't far to the gate & we're soon onboard with a glass of champagne from the crinkly old bint.
Days away from work 91
Likelihood of returning to work 35%
Most likely alternative = American airport security designer
Distance travelled - 54,602km (29,485nm)
Beers downed = 133
Steaks devoured = 48
Gins quaffed = 47
Cocktails partaken = 44
While the AA cabin crew are old & crinkly, we do have one of the smart new cabins they use on the JFK route, individual little pod with sideboard & cupboard, we both have window seats, JT is behind me & flicks my head, encouraged by one of the crincklies. Take off pretty much on schedule, a little bumpy at first but settles into the cruise. Cabin craggy brings me a G&T with one on the side and asks if I want vinaigrette or lemon & 'erb dressing on my salad. Starter served, surprisingly nice watermelon & chicken to go with my 'erb dressed salad. Steak mains is pretty darn good, I wouldn't go as far as saying it was rare but definitely in the right direction & a rather nice Australian Cabernet Sauvignon. Chocolate pudding is rather delightful too.
JT & I have been waiting to see Reverent & now is our chance. Settle down to it over dinner, it is a gripping & gritty film, more complex than I was expecting. As fine a film as it is I fail to make it to the end due to too much booze, JT is used to that though. Flatten my seat down & of course now I can't sleep, it's rather warm onboard too. Nod off in due course though & get a bit is sleep before being awakened by one of the cabin cronies. If BA First was being woken with a waft of silk this was the hand of the grim reaper as I wake with a start thinking this is my time. Breakfast is decent enough as I search for some TV for the last hour of our flight, find some hipster documentary programme called Vice, it's over the top but an interesting piece on the militarisation of American police.
Pull into Heathrow about 30 mins early, good smooth landing from the AA crew. Now Heathrow can be a bit frustrating at times but today it is the complete antithesis of America, one short queue for EU nationals, seen by a pretty young boarder guard who asks about our holidays. Baggage is just starting as I return dressed in my long trousers, but no sign of ours for some time. We're checking the tags, see some with priority, with transfer, but not ours. Just starting to think that our bags are still in Miami waiting to be claimed, out they pop. T3 only has a cafe Nero & we're not giving up the time saved by the 2 minute security by waiting 20 minutes for a coffee. Jump in the car & hit the M25, stop briefly at the drive thru Starbucks (could be back in Mexico), then before you know it we're pulling into the drive.
Get unpacked straight away as is our little OCD, but it does get everything tidy. Download the photos to the Mac & leave it to do its thing while I go watch Mythbusters. Sainsbury's delivered we pop up for a Subway treat, well we haven't had any indulgence yet today. Spend the rest of the afternoon on the sofa with Adam & Jamie. The evening follows a similar pattern as we enjoy pizza on the sofa while watching the film Kingsman & an Episode of RudeTube. Manage to last out until beddy time, which is just what we do.
So we had a lovely time in Cancun, super end to our adventures so far in 2016. Great to get some diving in & they were all really good dives. Maybe a bit easy being all inclusive & so Americanised but after so much travelling & activities it was a delightful chill. I'll wrap things up in a last blog or two before the horror of returning to work, apart from anything else to amuse Bydie.
Days away from work 92
Likelihood of returning to work 40%
Most likely alternative = Frontier fur trapper
Distance travelled - 61,722km (33,330nm)
Jogging = 70km
Maximum depth = 28.7m
Gross altitude change = 6,989m
Beers downed = 133
Steaks devoured = 50
Gins quaffed = 48
Cocktails partaken = 44
Thanks Mikey, good luck catching up, you're right this has been epic. Well 65% certain of doing something else, but I've had something like 82 ideas on alternatives. If you or Amanda can let me know how I can earn a living as a travel writer then the likelihood may drop again!
Start Good Friday with a run in preparation for chocolatey indulgences. We had planned a little outing by popping up the high street to our favourite French patisserie, le Moulin, then get a text from Rachael saying shall we go to Southend. Well it is a rather nice day so why not. Showered from my mini marathon we jump in the car & head down the A13 to the coast. Text Stevie G on the way as we can't go to his manor without inviting him for breakfast. Get a call from Michaela, their camping trip to Scotland is off as although it's bright & sunny down here, storm Katie is wreaking havoc north of the boarder. So Kayla & Scott are coming too, don't think they're going to camp on the beach though.
We all get parked & meet up, then get seated in the rather busy Beach Hut in Westcliff-on-Sea. Steve joins us soon after, but he's just stopping for a beer, it is 10:30 by now. Steve is keen to hear stories of nearly naked girls from various countries but that will have to wait till I get back to the office. Stevie says his fond farewells & is soon replaced by Kayla & Scott. Polish off a delightful English breakfast while watching the tide roll in before heading off for the long walk to goofy golf in Adventure Island.
It's getting busy in the coastal Essex sun, everyone is out walking & jogging, even the boy racers are revving themselves into a frenzy. Once at the course we break into two teams, Jo, Kayla, Scott & me and Rachael, Scott & the munchers. Tackle the Inca Trail first as the recorded Aussie urges us round the adventure, to be honest I'm not sure why we went to South America when there's this much excitement in Southend. There is some fine golf on show on the tricky course by the Thames estuary amid the occasional drive that leaves JT & the kids ducking for cover. We move onto the Aztec course, including my hole in one from the steps, I now feel prepared for the next golfing stag do reunion.
Time is getting on after our 8 player 18 hole extravaganza, so abandon our fish museum plans & make the long walk back to the car. Bid our farewells to our lovely people, while our last trip was not nearly as long we still missed them terribly. Bit more traffic on the way home but still time for a bit of a rest & tidy up before both sets of parents arrive for our traditional Good Friday fish supper.
Tony takes my dad & me up to Angellie's fish bar in his Jag. Bit of a wait but the hunter gathers soon return with their bounty from the sea for the womenfolk. Settle down with our plaice, rock & cod, no mushy peas as my dad says they don't do them properly down here, do share a wally with me old mum though. Sea creatures devoured we move onto chocolates & liquor while my dad entertains us with stories of the Sydney hospital programme they like. Dad: so this girl had a cyst that was half her body weight, Me: How much did it weigh?, Dad: 30kgs, Me: How did it get so big?, Dad: It was attached to all her vital organs & no one knew how to remove it, Me: So where was it then?, Dad: Sydney! Everyone was in tears & my mum laughed so much she nearly spat her wine all over Tony. Anyway, with the booze running out the oldies decide to call it a night & head home.
Easter Saturday sees us heading down to St James for church cleaning, but first JT treats me to a blow out in Carluccios. I'm in charge of the traditional church duty of hoovering, or extreme vacuuming as Jo calls it. Being an adventurous type I scramble up the ladder, onto ledges, hanging over the chancel with the Dyson in one hand & the extension pipe in the other. Proving JTs point & ensuring I can't do anything injury free I take a fall from the top of the ladder, down the steps & land with the Hoover on top of me. Pick myself up & dust myself down & carry on. With the church spick & span and our sins (possibly) forgiven we head home for a well earned rest.
Settle down at home with our coffee & cake from le Moulin while watching England vs Sri
Lanka in the world T20. England making 171/4 thanks to a fine unbeaten 66 from Jos Butler then have the Sri Lankans 15/4 & I think it's all over. They fight back though with captain Angelo Mathews making 73 but fall 10 runs short & England are in the semi finals.
Get our Top Gun costumes on for Jem & Pete's 80s themed birthday party, I am Maverick (obviously), Jo is Goose. Download the film soundtrack from Amazon Prime to listen in the car while practicing quotes, "sorry Goose, it's time to buzz the tower". Brave the South London badlands to Bexley for a night of playing retro games in Game Raiders. I challenge JT to a game of Street Fighter but she has no idea what's she's doing so tags her brother in but the damage is done & I "Finish Him!". Have games of Sonic, Pac man with others until JT seeks revenges & gets very competitive with an interpretation on Space Invaders. Several bottles of Sol later we find ourselves on the dance floor & stay there until the affable owner throws us out.
Sunday sees me surprisingly hangover free (must be all the practice) & I'm up to make JT her breakfast. Scrambled egg salmon & a batch of pastries with Classic FM, before packing JT off to Easter Sunday church. Right time to see if I can still get into that latex catsuit & rubber boots. Have to remove my gimp mask to move on to sorting out the millions of photos & videos from all our trips. Slip into something more comfortable as JT returns & joins me on the sofa for a veg out with our favourite Mythbusters. With JT fast asleep I turn my attention to my other team in the T20 cricket, Australia. Unfortunately my Aussie mates fall away from good starts in both innings but MS Dhoni & the astonishing skill of Virat Kohli see India home with balls to spare & you can't begrudge the hosts getting through.
Rachael & Scott invite us to the pictures to see Batman vs Superman but it's on too late for us oldies. Other than having a shower & Jo making a lovely chicken dinner we remain on the sofa for the rest of the evening, albeit I get changed out of my rubber knickers.
Monday sees some more breakfast plans as we head to Cafe Rouge in Lakeside & arrange to meet Rachael & Scott. Ensconced inside from the horrors of storm Katie, Rachael joins me in my first eggs benedict since Whistler. Little browse including replenishing our supply of mini footballs the boys have hoofed over the fence over the summer. Back home for a potter & work on our dive videos.
Rachael pops in before getting the munchers, leaving Scott to help JT in her fish identification. Pete, Jem & the boys arrive, closely followed by Kayla & Scott, then Rachael with her two, alas Britain's arterial roads are closed again by a puff of wind which prevents James & Heidi joining us. Right, the Easter egg hunt can start, and it's about damn time if you ask me. I have hidden 61 eggs over the past 24 hours & prepared clues, for the grown ups anyway. Michaela is first up & draws "Apartheid washing" from the mountain top hat, returning (eventually) with her spoils. The rest follow & mainly return with a decent eggs. Time to release the hounds on the rest of the eggs, there are 50 to find, some in pretty remote places but the kids find them all, only for the grown ups to hide them again. They must have found 100 by the end.
With the kids worn out we refuel them with loads of cake & chocolate which is fine until we remember that Callum & Oliver are staying with us. No wonder Pete & Jem were so relaxed when Oliver returned from the dining room with 5 cakes. Ok, time for the rest of the family to go home & leave us to put the boys to work cleaning the house & chimney.
Days away from work 96
Likelihood of returning to work 55%
Most likely alternative = Extreme church cleaner
JT suicide index = 127
Jogging = 80km
Beers downed = 139
Steaks devoured = 50
Gins quaffed = 51
Cocktails partaken = 44
The first day of our holiday is actually a working day, but mercifully a WFH day, also thanks to the nearly 100 hours we put in the office last week hopefully a reasonably stress free day. Starts well enough with JT making me scrambled eggs, which is of course delightful. Right time to log on, which goes pretty smooth for both, JT allows me the Mac while she runs with the recently repaired laptop. Things are going well, by all accounts we may actually report some Risk numbers today, the PRA will be pleased. Break off for my ear appointment, no lovely Lisa for me today but Belinda is efficient enough & I can hear the birds tweeting, from France.
Back in our little office from home, JT is beavering away, doing control stuff, I get back online for my only meeting of the day, a 121 with Singapore. Meow is in good form as usual & I feel comfortable leaving things in her capable hands, which is pretty much how things work the rest of the time, all this Value at Risk stuff is terribly confusing. Things are not going so well on the other side of the desk as the laptop has started switching off with increasing frequency. JT takes it pretty well at first but after a few crashes I wince when I hear the fan cut out & dare not turn round. I feel guilty bathing in the luxury of the 27" Mac, so double my efforts to get real work finished so I can hand the working computer over to Jo while I finish up on Good. Thankfully there are no crisis in Risk so I pop out for a coffee while JT finishes up controlling Global Markets. Enjoy our coffee with last minute jobs, then it's time for a shower, change & run through the checklist.
Load up the car, 15 minutes behind schedule but 3:45 hours before flight time & we're on the road. A13 into town is pretty good, A406 a little stickier but all good onto the M11 & safely round to the M25. I can't quite believe that travelling in rush hour on a stormy Monday night is going so well, but it is, there are a few speed restrictions but doesn't amount to anything & we're at Heathrow at 7:10. Not so good for anyone taking the M4 which had delays of over an hour!
Check in is quick & efficient, the chap can't understand why we're taking a ski bag to Australia, he's even more bemused when we tell him they've had 80cm of snow! Fast track is a bit of a zoo as the Keystone cops have taken over security, no matter though as we're soon turning right (for once) into the Concorde Room. Jo misses her Elemis spa treatment on account of the zoo but we get settled on a corner sofa, order some drinks & starters to tied us over until the flight. A rather nice 2006 Bordeaux for the lady & a pint of gin for me, I haven't seen measures like this since Colleen was serving in the Bull Bar on Park Ave! After starters & another gin, I'm feeling pretty plastered but am quite used to making my way from the lounge to the gate in that state. Arrive at C gates & jump straight on board. Now having friends in the industry, Robin recommended taking the 777 route, rather than the A380, as he thought I would appreciate the cabin crew, oh how right he was, I have the most delightful brunette seeing to my every wish, starting with champagne.
Taxi passes without noticing & we're soon in the air where my champagne is replaced by gin. Dinner is wonderful, scallops to start, halibut for mains & apple tart for afters, washed down with a light New Zealand Marlborough. Watch Nice Guys, which is quite pleasant to have on but not very interesting & we really don't care about any of the characters. Doze off before the end but no interest in winding back. Right time for nighty nights, I'm seriously tempted to ask my brunette if she wants to snuggle up when she comes to make up my bed, alas the big camp chap beats her to it, I do not extend the offer. Change into our sleeper suits & settle down for a well earned nights sleep.
Days away from work 0
Gins quaffed = 3
Champagne sipped = 2
Wake up a little stiff from my sleep, see JT has already emerged from her cocoon but I dare not rise yet, so snuggle down for a bit more rest, well until the bright cabin lights come on. Time to get washed up, just as well as my mouth feels like the bottom of a budgies cage & my head feels like I've drunk a couple of pints of gin. Get changed back into going out clothes too. Watch a programme on Red Bull TV with Danny MacAskill setting up & performing his amazing freestyle mountain bike stunts at Epecuen in Argentina. Epecuen Is a fantastic backdrop for the young Scott's peerless bikemanship, it was a holiday resort on the banks of a saltwater lake until 1985 when the banks burst under torrential rain, flooding the town, covering it in a layer of salt & rotting pretty much everything it came into contact with. Enjoy my fine full English breakfast, fruit, croissant & coffee while marvelling at the spectacle of sweaty sock in the Argentine apocalypse.
Touch down in Singapore & it's time to say a tearful goodbye to my cabin attendant sweetheart, no I can't remember her name, but I didn't want to treat her differently from my other girls. Jo says she wants a normal old Starbucks coffee, which is what I get her before tempting her outside to the smoking terrace, strangely I know exactly where it is. Not for the smoking you understand, it's actually a very pleasant outdoor seating area & is delightful in the late afternoon Singapore sun.
File back into the terminal, it's a short hop to the gate, little wait while they tell us that US security have banned Galaxy 7 tablets from their flights, not entirely relevant on a flight to Sydney but hey ho, remember that if your thinking of getting one in the US, you won't be able to bring it home. We're greeted back on board by the lovely Jack, who apparently will be seeing to my every whim on this leg, hmmm. Bit of a wait on the ground as if we take off now we'll be in Sydney before planes are allowed to land.
Once in the cruise it's time to settle down for more food & more drink, while we had breakfast only a couple of hours ago & it may be 11am in London, it's 7pm in Singapore, more than respectable enough time to start drinking. For dinner this evening we have the crab roulade to start, Jo takes the chicken mains & black forest gateaux, while I plump for the prawn makhani, finishing off with a date & walnut pudding. All washed down with lashings of Tanqueray of course. We go for the latest Start Trek blockbuster over dinner, which follows the tried & tested formula of lots of action, a handful of comic moments (mostly from Simon Pegg's OTT Scottish accent) & a smidge of romantic interest. JT nods off before the end, must be time to get into fresh jammies & turn in. It will be 6am in Sydney when we arrive & only being there a couple of days we cant afford to waste time being tired!
Days away from work 1
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 4
Touch down at Sir Charles Kingsford Smith airport just after 6am, quick off & a short jog to passport control, strange Dorrises on duty but we pass through with no dramas, bit of a wait at the carousel but we're soon on our way after the 10th person checks our customs form. Out in the arrivals hall, Sam from the Shangri-La escorts us to his waiting A8 & whisks us to our hotel in Darling Harbour. The lovely Lorena checks us in, but not surprisingly our room is not ready, so I strike up a conversation, she's from Buenos Aries & as you know we love the Paris of South America (better than the Paris of Europe, that's full of French) we chat for ages like long lost compadres (Yes Ed, I also have her phone number & vital statistics). Quick sort out of our stuff to lighten the load before heading out to explore the city.
Follow the directions from the concierge & we're soaking up the views of Sydney Harbour Bridge by 7:30am. It is quite surreal that within an hour of stepping off the plane we can be on the other side of the world taking in one of the most iconic sights of the hemisphere. Hmm, not sure what to do now, I mean we've now done the sights of Sydney before 8 o/c. Decide to wander through the park, which is actually quite delightful, offering more views of the harbour & Opera House combo. Stumble upon the Naval yard at the back of the park, stocked with warships in case Australia is invaded by...erm...Tasmania? Head back through the botanical gardens & down to Hyde Park, via St Mary's Cathedral. All the old stone buildings in Sydney are immaculate, now I know they're not as old as London with only a fraction of the pollution, but they really are spotless. St Mary's is no exception, it is a beautiful church, inside & out, Mrs Doyle must be working her fingers to the bone. The yellow stained windows make for a stunning (but dim) glow throughout. From here its a short walk to the ANZAC memorial, which I have to say, the Aussies have done a bloody good job here. A shallow 50m pool of reflection in front of a raised monument, inside each side is dedicate to fallen soldiers from Gallipoli & the Middle East, Europe, the high seas and the Far East. It is simple & poignant, with the inscription "let silent contemplation be your offering".
JT is flagging a little & suggests some lunch, only problem is its only 10:30, that's ok I tell her, that's why the good Lord gave us brunch. Find a nice little place on George St for some eggy delights, washed down with a jam jar of orange juice (in a kinda hipster way, not that we were eating in a soup kitchen). Good coffee too, funny all the coffee here tastes like Taylor Street, the Aussie coffee house in he Wharf (& maybe other places), which I guess makes sense. So George St is meant to be the main artery of Sydney, running from the harbour, past our hotel & down into the shopping district, so we see what they have to offer. Hmm, money lenders, Thai massage, Thai noodle & VIP lounges is the answer to what's on offer, none of which is terribly appealing at 1pm (ask me again at 1am though). Find some less sulibrious shopping on the way back, some nice stores, not that we're ones for shopping (unless it's mountain or ski gear), even less so when there's GBP/AUD is 1:64! Jo does eventually give in to the Ugg shops, which are as plentiful as Starbucks in Vancouver. JT reports back that they're about the same price as the UK before the devaluation, so sorry kids, doesn't look like they'll be an Ugg bonanza when we return home.
Grab an Aussie coffee & get to the room about 2pm, which to be fair to Shangri La was ready at 9 o/c this morning. Tis a very nice room too, with more views of the harbour bridge & the Opera House, seems we didn't need to bother walking round the bay all day, we could have just sipped lattes from the window seat. Feeling a little tired after our three day adventure, so it's time for a little rest. Well when I say little rest I think JT may have lapsed into a coma, I check her pulse, seems she's still alive so I hang up to Bondi Medics & get on with some jobs. Jo finally rises, so it's time to get ourselves ready for dinner, down to the harbour again me thinks.
Back at the Opera House, wander along checking out the menus, Jo fancies a burger & beer, hmm that may be tricky to find in Australia, oh hang on, we're in luck. Settle down to a little table on the front to watch the world go by. Check the beer menu & seems they only have imports from Victoria, so have to settle for a couple of Carltons. Grab a hand full of their fine oysters, Jo passes on the raw molluscs but tucks into the fine wagu burger with gusto. Filled with beer and burgers served by a selection of Europeans (where are all the Aussies? oh yeah they're all in Canadia). Anyhoo, time to get some nighttime shots of the bay. Bit of a lack of flat surfaces for the long exposure so pile up a variety of seats, glasses & iPads to get that perfect shot & a career as a travel photographer awaits.
It's getting chilly so head home, along the quay, up the hill of death, past the retro bar & back to our little Sydney home. Washed up & in the jammies for a little bedtime TV, Air Crash Investigation with Nikki Lauder. Fascinating as the Austrian Ace's story is, it has been a long few days so time to hit the sack.
Days away from work = 2
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 4
Stubbies slaked = 3
Quite a good night sleep for the first night in a new country with a 10 hour time difference, testament to our steely resolve, oh & the delightful flight on BA. Get myself up at 7am for my run, dressed, stretched, kiss on the forehead for JT & out the door. Steep hill outside our hotel is not the idea start to the jog so just amble down Essex St, then kick off on George. Round Circular Quay, past the Opera House, into the Botanical Garden & down to MacQuarie, my turn around point. There are thousands of joggers out, all shapes, ages & sizes and why not, it is a glorious setting for a run. Back on the route home, decide to cut off the corner of the Opera House, not a good move, the barriers just herd you up the steps, down again & round the point, gives me an extra workout before breakfast though, earn that extra croissant. Back at the Shangri-La, JT is dressed & is running my shower, that's service for you (either that or she's eager to get to breakfast). Cooled, shaved & dressed we head down to sample whatever delights the hotel has in store for us.
It's a bit corporate in the morning diner, but nice & an excellent selection of our favourite breakfast treats, ie everything! Start with my favourite bircher muesli, order some poached eggs, which I laden with smoked salmon & capers, JT goes for the scrambled & is disappointed. Order some french toast & waffles for afters, a tiny portion bolstered with that extra croissant I earned from the Opera House steps. Back up to the room for a pack, then out for our outing.
Head down to the ferry terminus at Circular Quay, bit of a faff finding which boat & how to get our ticket, JT helps out a couple of old Dorrises struggling with the Opal machine, but we're soon on the jetty with 10 minutes till our ship sails. File on board & upstairs for the views. Fire off some more shots at the bridge & Opera House as we pull out of the Quay. Quick jaunt to our first stop Garden Island (not to be confused with Island Gardens in the Isle of Dogs), then on to our destination, Watson Bay.
We land 15 minutes later at our idyllic home for the day. Wander past the blue & white striped umbrellas that line the row of fish restaurants on the front, it has a decidedly English feel, thankfully more St Margarets that Margate. Wind round the local streets before coming up on a little bay & the path up leading up the rocks. Get some great views over the harbour before following the path into the park & along the coast. Find the nudie beach, which sadly has just one bloke carrying a spear gun.....hang on, that's not a spear gun! Jo is so excited she launches into her Lilly Von Stupp impression "oh it's twoo, it's twoo", I drag her off before she makes a German spectacle of herself. Continue along the path, past the harbour defences placed there to first keep out the French, more latterly the Japanese, now just the Queenslanders. Finally arrive at the end of the trail marked by jagged cliffs & a candy striped lighthouse. Cliffs are indeed spectacularly rugged, waves crashing beneath, with views across the bay to the headland & out to the open sea. I loose my lens cap over the edge, could have been worse.
Follow the path back through the scrub but don't see anything more dangerous than local nudists with giant appendages. Have a little paddle in the freezing bay before arriving back in seafront civilisation, we have a bit of time to kill so hop into Watson's bar. Grab a couple of Schooners of Tooheys & settle down to the seagulls fighting over leftover chips while the DJ plays chill out tracks. Time for our return cruise, which we spend indoors out of the chilly spring bay breeze.
Back on the mainland we pop into the tourist tat shop (sorry I mean exclusive gifts for family & friends shop). Grab some nice tat (sorry I mean gifts!), I'm keen on an ocker singlet for me & an Aussie flag bikini for JT, I'm not allowed to get either, ho hum, I'm sure they'll have them in Melbourne. Pitstop in Starbucks where I have to beat off Michael & his leper hands from stealing my coffee (is your name Elvis, no?, well that means it isn't your coffee, that's how it works in Starbucks). Coffee just tastes like Starbucks, rather than Aussie coffee. Back in the room to rest from our outing & I try to wash the image of the nudie beach out of my eyes.
5 o/c comes round & I drag JT away from King of Queens to get washed & dressed for our evening with Aga. Clean & poised, I get a text to say she's on her way so we head down to meet our friend & be whisked away in her executive SUV. JT tells me I'll frighten the kids so she puts me up front while she climbs in the back. I chat with Aga about times old & new while Jo has the little ankle biters in hysterics, not quite sure what she's doing back there. Short drive to Northwood, home to Aga, Stuart & the kids. They have a delightful house, renovated themselves & they have done a fine job. I wind the kids up running round the games room before mum puts the gorgeous little critters to bed, amazingly we don't hear a peep out of them all evening. Meanwhile the grown ups are enjoying a bottle of bubbly, obvs Aga has been reading the blog. JT fills in our Polish / Aussie friend with news of the London office, most of it is news to me too. Settle down to sushi, more gossip, tales of kids on both sides of the world, followed by cake & tales of the baker & his wife form our modern day Chaucer. Retire to the sofa with another bottle of wine, the girls continue to natter, but I'm starting to flag so as he clock ticks round to 10:30 I tap the Uber app. Chap in a Hyundai (not a Prius) picks us up & takes us back across the bridge to our harbour enclave.
Head up to the rooftop bar, now I do like a rooftop bar but unfortunately most has been reserved for a private function, leaving a crowded section playing hits from the 80s overlooking a industrial estate. We make our excuses & head back down to the 10th floor & a cup of tea. Attempt to watch Air Crash Investigation but the effects of the wine are too strong & anyhoo I've got to be up early for my run.
Days away from work = 3
Marsupials spotted = 0
Things that will kill you index = 0
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 5
Another fine night sleep disturbed by having to get up in the morning, 6:30 today to allow time for my run. Take the same route down to the quay, round the Opera House, up to MacQuarie point & back again. JT has again got my shower going & I jump straight in. Down to breakfast for some more morning delights & catch up on news from home.
Back up to the room to pack up what little we got out for our two night stay then JT calls the bell chap to help us with our bags. Bell chap says the car hire place will be too far away to walk & he'll get us a cab, what a jolly nice chap. Bags loaded, a vague idea between us & the cabbie where we're going & we're off. About 15 minutes & we pull up in the street, bat eye'd Jo spots the Europcar sign & we're there. Get logged in & handed the keys to a shiny new Mercedes M class, only trouble is we're blocked in. Lovely chap from Manchester (in England, not the random English names all the towns & streets have out here), he moves the car & guides us through setting up the Bluetooth & sat nav.
Head off through town, then through the suburbs until we see a sign for the motorway, which we take, ignoring the bleats of the sat nav Dorris & we're on the M5. Smooth, straight open roads await us as we go down through Lewisham (doors locked), Canterbury & Liverpool (where we have our hub caps stolen). Make good time to our first rest stop 2 hours in. Stock up on Aussie treats in the Coles, Freddo Frogs, Caramelo Koala & Cherry Ripe, good mountain energy snacks too. JT takes the wheel for the second stint & we make even better time on the motorways, then onto the rural highways. Stop about an hour outside Jindabyne to stretch the legs & a final driver change. The Snowy Mountains start to emerge on this leg, the roads start to wind & the temperature starts to drop, it's all getting very exciting.
Pull into Jindabyne & head for Bruce's Wilderness Sports, where Jo has made kit hire arrangements. Bruce is a chatty chap & goes through all the various ski touring options before we settle on the Marker Dynafit style bindings on Rossingnal skis. But first Bruce has to pop to the bank, so he leaves the couple of Poms he's never met before alone in his shop, with his till, bless him. Bruce then takes us through various route options, insisting summiting Kossy will be pretty boring so really we want to tour all round the backcountry, bagging half a dozen other peaks in the process. It's getting quite late when we eventually tear ourselves away from the affable, trusting Aussie, we still have a 30 minute drive to Thredbo. Quick chat with the gold toothed digger at the park entrance, then we're in to town & find it surprisingly easy to find our chalet, Granite Peaks 4. All the entry codes work, which is always a relief, we get unpacked & settled in. It's a lovely little property, downstairs sitting area with log fire, kitchen & laundry, two bedrooms & a bathroom upstairs & another bedroom in the loft accessed via a ladder. It's only allowed to be let for two people for some reason, which I guess why it was so cheap.
Time is, as I said, getting on so head out into the village to grab some supplies & somewhere to eat this evening. It's the off shoulder season, after the ski & before the summer hiking seasons and it shows. It feels like The Hills Have Eyes, there's lots of hotels & apartments, shops & restaurants, but no people, occasionally you think you see someone but they scuttle away before you can be sure. Along with being concerned we'll be eaten by mutants, we're also concerned we'll get nothing to eat till morning at least. Finally I stumble on a bar called Denman, pop inside & they're open, the chap seems surprised that I'm so surprised. Find JT, who hasn't been eaten by cannibalistic inbreds & drag her to the bar, which as usual, she doesn't take much dragging. In fact, after popping outside, I return to find her leaning across the bar with her chin nestled in her hands as she chats & giggles with the foppy haired, rugby touring barman, John. Sensing they're about to make plans for a life together, I suggest it's time to head upstairs for dinner. The upstairs restaurant is very nice & cosy, where we're greeted by an exceptionally pretty young thing called Christie. Order fine platter of meats & cheeses for starters, followed by a fine fillet steak, which other than could have been rarer, was all good. Wash this lot down with a rather nice Margret River Cabernet Sauvignon from WA. As delicious as the view of the village, the food & indeed Christie are, we are flagging so head home for some rest before our big adventure tomorrow.
Days away from work = 4
Indigenous creatures found = 1 kookaburra
Marsupials spotted = 10 kangas, all dead
Things that will kill you index = 0
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 7
Not the most peaceful night sleep, torrential rain hitting the tin roofs made quite a racket. Alarm goes off at 7am & I wander to the window to find it was not rain, but snow, in Australia, in October! JT gets the map out & we assess our options, do we go for Bruce's 7 peaks for 7 passes from Charlotte or head up from the village here. Decide that since summiting Mt Kosciusko is our primary goal, we'll take the chair from Thredbo, hike straight to the peak then take it from there. First though we need to get our stuff together, always a bit of a faff, then off into the village for breakfast. It's still snowing & the village looks more like Austria than Australia! The Bakery has a bacon, egg, cheese & BBQ sauce roll on offer, we take them & they are good, along with a couple of coffees.
Park the car at the lift station & head in to buy our tickets & a Thredbo bobble hat for me. We're strongly advised not to head for the peak due to the strong winds & near zero visibility, we're shown the webcam from the top of the lift, yep looks like a white out. We tell them we'll take it under advisement. Grab a chair each with our skis & backpacks, it gets much colder on the way up & it was pretty cold in the village. Liftie up top reminds us they close at 4pm.
Get our kit set up, skis on our packs & we're ready to hike. There's a steep ascent to the top of the main chair (which isn't running), it's actually pretty hard work first up. From here we can check the map, 14km round trip to the peak & there's a path to start us off, things are looking up. Path peters out after a K or so, the visibility starts to decline & the landscape starts to look very similar in all directions. We head over the ridge for the most direct route, following Jo's trusty compass. It's heavy going up the ridge, boots sinking up to the knee with each step. I'm lagging behind JT who is breaking trail up ahead so I decided to switch to skins. Benefit from staying on top of the snow, but skinning takes some practice & the bindings are a bit of a faff. Over the brow, ground is less snow covered on the windward side, all of a sudden skis are not so good. I persevere though as it's a faff & time consuming to strap them back to your pack, only to have to get them on again for the next hill.
Visibility is now really low, the featureless ground makes it difficult to navigate, save for the heading of 310 degrees, but of course that's only any use if we've consistently followed that course. We spot some footprints in the snow, then a handful of trekkers returning from what we believe must be the summit. Spurred on from the first piece of route confirmation we've had in ages we redouble our efforts for the summit. We discuss the likelihood of missing the last chair but decide to push on as we can't miss the summit & as hard as it would be, less so than making another attempt tomorrow. Jo is struggling with her bindings, I point out there's an extra setting in the front to keep your toe in & she's better set. Conditions are now grimmer than grim as we head up the steep slope to the top. I set the bindings to high heel mode now, JT goes for the zig zag approach to reduce the pitch & takes a nasty fall in the turn. As we crest the slope, the wind picks up & we're whipped with ice, but at last we can see the summit cairn. Tap in at the top, get the top hat & yeti hat out, take some selfies & have a quick energy burst via the Cherry Ripe bars we picked up yesterday. It's 2:20, 20 minutes beyond the summit safety time we had calculated, but it was a risk we decided to take.
Push off from the summit, some downhill skiing at last, only the visibility is literally zero, I look down but can not see my skis. We traverse across the slope, conscious of not dropping too low for the the next ridge. We traverse too far though & hit the cornice, completely invisible in the white out & we plummet down the ridge. Emerge pretty much unscathed & at least it saved some time getting down, not much opportunity to build up some speed for the next uphill though. We hope to save some time by not putting skins back on, just use the scales on Bruce's backcountry skis. Have to take a slightly shallower line to account for the reduced grip, we nearly make it too, when 10 metres from the top Jo loses a ski. Our hopes of making the lift disappear with the ski as it sails all the way down the slope & 50m down the valley. I retrieve the ski & hike back up.
We can now see the path so kick off the skis & charge along, it's 3:20, 40 mins to get to the lift, maybe we can make it, really don't know how far it is from here. Path gives out again, snow drift is deep so it's back on with the skis, kit change eating into our precious time, but surely has to be quicker than trudging through the deep snow. Make decent time but we need to make it over the next ridge, so more uphill skinning without skins. We pick up the path again, but it's 4 o/c, we've missed the lift, but push on all the same, we've still got to get down & you never know the lifties can be vague with times. Make good time to the top of the main lift but it's 4:20 & can see from here the lift has stopped running. Time for a rest, the sausage roll we bagged from the bakery, at least there should be some opportunity to ski from here, we're in resort now, more or less.
Ski the first icy pitch, step over the road, then through the trees for a few hundred metres, its kind of like the gladed runs in Whistler. Everything seemed to be going so well......then we find ourselves at the bottom of a ridge, on the wrong side of the creek, 200m to climb out or a 30m cliff to negotiate to the bottom. We opt for the latter, using a combination of foot holds, branches & foliage to slow us down when we slip. Unfortunately I disturb a sleeping bushmaster snake in the foliage, who's pretty pissed about it, fortunately I still have my ski so manage to cut his head off with the edge. Somehow we make it to the bottom, bloodied, covered in mud but alive. Right, just a matter of the long walk out now, we're just by the second (of three) lift stations, stride down the road, past the first lift station where the track ends, so just follow the lift line down to the village.
Stagger into the car park, hop on the tailgate to get these damn boots off, it's tough & painful getting out of them but so rewarding to change into the knackered Converse. Short drive to the Denman bar, where we stagger in, covered in mud, glowing red with windburn, JT slams her hat on the bar & exclaims "two schooners of Kossy ale please John". We feel we must provide context to the locals of just how hard it was to climb the local peak, but John is affable & very complimentary, it could be that news of the aggressive weather has spread through the village, or it could be he fancies Jo. Either way, much congratulations & tales of the mountain are exchanged over the amber nectar. We must break off the burgeoning romance between the Js to get back, freshen up so we can return for one of their fine dinners upstairs.
Back in the lodge, we drag our muddy gear out, clean up best we can, get dressed & head back to our Thredbo favourite. The lovely Christie adds her congratulations as she shows us to a table in the warmer part of the restaurant. Ordering a couple of crab spaghettis & two more Kossies, we settle down to our anniversary supper. It does seem kind of a mad way to spend ones anniversary, struggling to the top of a mountain in a white out, freezing your nuts off, then nearly killing yourself on the way out, but somehow it seems fitting for us. The clock ticks round to 9:30 & with deserts slain we bid a heartfelt farewell to our friends at the Denman. It may be the only place open other than the ocker pub downstairs but even so we couldn't have wished for a nicer place to spend our evenings, even if they opened a Keg in Thredbo.
It's minus 1 in the car on the way back, just as cold indoors as we quickly scrub our teeth, jump in the jammies & slip under the mound of blankets that line the bed to keep out the arctic temperatures. Even though its before 10pm, we're snoring before you can say zzzzzzz.
Days away from work = 5
Indigenous creatures found = 1 kookaburra
Marsupials spotted = 10 kangas, all dead
Things that will kill you index = 1
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 11
Thanks everyone for their well wishes from our summit yesterday, and for the whole trip actually. Craig, you've still got to collect your Brazilian bongo babes poster before getting your busty bikini beauties from Bondi; thanks for the warning Nick, we'll watch out for those carnivorous koala cousins! Dr D, glad to have you with us as always.
Feeling stiff & swollen in the night, stagger to the bathroom to relieve myself but find my feet actually aren't blistered, just a bit puffy from being crammed in boots for 10 hours. Alarm goes off at 7am, having had 9 hours sleep & with still no supplies in the house, we pretty much jump up & get stuck in. Pack up our belongings in our old kit bags, load up the ute & drive round to the bakery for breckkie. Wolf down a couple of their eggs, bacon & cheese rolls, grab a couple of lammingtons to take away. Lammingtons have an almost mythical place in my Australian folklore, you can get packets of cheetos & Tim Tams, but lammingtons being more of a cake are almost impossible to come by outside of their indigenous homeland.
Fed & watered we hit the trail back to see Bruce in Jindabyne. JT refuses to enter the shop & confront Bruce with her severely windburnt chops, I recount tails from the mountain & our outback friend seems genuinely impressed with our efforts. Bruce sees me out with a firm handshake & is greeted by Jo's other cheeks as she hangs out the back of the SUV sorting out the luggage. Right, so we're off to our next stop on our Aussie odyssey, Merimbula. Quick pit stop in Cooma, a quaint little frontier town, then over the great dividing range. Temperature doesn't get above 6 degrees, switching between rain, sleet & snow along the way. Also spotted along the way are an emu in the snow & a mob of kangaroos, JT slams on the anchors as she spots the hoppy critters doing 100ks on the highway. Pull into Merimbula about 12 o/c & find our little home for the night, Robyn's Nest. It's a lovely place on the coastal inlet (that the locals insist on calling a lake apparently), it's quite new but has a very traditional feel. Mikey the chubby manager gives us a warm greeting, takes us through everything, then shows us to our room, which is right next to reception. Bring the cases up, then have a little rest with the first half of the lammington wonders.
Sufficiently rested we take a walk along the inlet, along the bush track, through the suburb, which Jo reckons looks like Neighbours, don't know about that but it's a pretty swanky neighbourhood overlooking the water. Head back towards the inlet & pick up the boardwalk, which is delightful if a little windy. Boardwalk snakes around the coast as we decide to call it a day & head home. Back in the room for more coffee & lamington, while catching up on social media & Bear Grylls in Japan.
Drag JT away from her outdoor mountain man favourite (apart from me) & head into town. Drive up to Long Point where the whale watching is, but it's 1km further up & its getting late so head down to the wharf to soak in the early evening views across the bay. The views are quite spectacular with the waves crashing in along the rocks, beneath the jetty & across the sandbank. I'm busily taking shots from every direction with varying apertures & shutter speeds when Jo heads in from the cold. I'm just waiting for the perfect tube when an old boy strikes up a conversation. Over the next 40 minutes I learn about the different sand particles across the bay, Captain Cook crossing the international date line, sailing the replica of the Endeavour & much more. I eventually make my excuses & head off with JT back into town to find dinner. Options are pretty limited in a rural NSW town on a Sunday evening, settle on somewhere that fashions itself as a bar & grill, has views of the ocean so we're done. Once inside it's a bit of a cafe, with quite a few families but we go for it anyway. Order the flat head fish & chips with a couple of Yak pale ales as I chat with the barmaid & she falls hopelessly in love wth me. Food is actually pretty good for a seaside cafe, but it's chilly & we're still a bit bushed from yesterday. Its a short drive back to the Nest where we spot some wallabies in the brush.
Still home by 8:30, have a little potter, watch some TV before turning in for the night.
Days away from work = 6
Indigenous creatures found = 2: kookaburra & emu
Live marsupials spotted = 2: kangas & wallabies
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 14
​Wake up around 2am, seems like I've been asleep for ages, cause I have, make it through to 6 o/c when I'm wide awake, figure I might as well get up & go for a run before breakfast. Change into my Red Bull racing kit & hit the rail along the inlet. Down through the brush, up past Neighbours country, then down onto the boardwalk. Turn around just before town & head back the way I came, stop to take some pictures of Harriet Flory (black swans) where a couple of Shar Peis & their owner takes quite a fancy to me. Good run, uneven surface makes the downhill much harder than the up, see a few locals out for their early morning constitutional to say g'day to. Back at the estancia JT has my shower ready again, jump in & get fresh.
Head out to breakfast on the porch, help ourselves to cereal & juice before Mikey appears to take our big brekkie order & it's bloody good. Finish up with a slice of toast, then make the 10m walk back to our room to warm up. Get packed up & check out, have a little chat to Mikey who seems to do everything round here, we didn't see anyone else, although we heard him talking to his mother. Head back up to Long Point & all the way out to the cliffs in the hope we will see some whales, chat to the older couple we saw on the wharf last night, he reckons I'll need a bloody big lens to see them off the coast. Views are just as spectacular from this lookout point, wave after wave crashing onto the rocks, some as high as 3m, its mesmerising. Just about had our fill of all sorts of shots when Jo yells whale ahoy. She's right, there's a humpback about 10km off the coast, we can just see him blowing, surfacing, then amazingly jumping right out of the water & crashing back down again. Stand around for a while longer hoping to see our giant aquatic mammal friend, but he does't resurface.
Back on the road, time to gas up, a coffee stop in a little town called Pambula, then into the long drive to Lake Esplanade. Not much to report from the first 200km other than a pelican taking a dump on the windscreen. Literally nothing for 150 ks then pull into Cann River & it's a coffee metropolis, decide to head to the bakery where we're rewarded with a couple of lammingtons & a pie to share for lunch, I have mine with sauce 'cause i'm a proper Aussie. Refreshed & a change of driver we're off again into the wilds of Australia. Nothing much happens on this leg either & certainly no visits from the Victorian traffic police.
Pull into Lakes Entrance & drive along the strip to our roof for the night, The Esplanade Resort. It's a nice little place, we have a 1 bedroom apartment, with a kitchen & living room off the bedroom, more than we need but what can you do. JT finds some King of Queens, as is her way, perfect for a little post drive rest. Right enough rest, time to explore this town so head out down the front. Lakes Entrance is a little town which despite the name is on an inlet, separated from he ocean by a narrow spit of land. Seems to be a bit of a fishing industry going on, judging by the boats in the harbour & a bit of a resort judging by the number of hotels & motels there are. While the marina is nice & the place has a relaxed feel, it's all a bit tired in the off season, not helped by everything closes around 5 o/c. Things are livened up by the Camp Quality rally that's rolling into town. We stop & chat to a few of them, there's around 70 old cars glammed up into some sort of theme driving 2,000 km in aid of children's cancer charity. All seem extra grouse blokes.
Back in the room for a shower & change for dinner, not that much of a change, it's not a dressy town. One of the benefits of being 10 hours time difference from the UK is no matter when we put on Radio X, it's never the breakfast show, meaning we avoid that northern buffoon Chris Moyes, alas not today, our shower is accompanied by inane banter. Anyhoo, decide the 4th best restaurant on Trip Advisor wins the day & we're off to The Ferryman, but first JT spots the Spiderman car so strikes up a conversation with Spidey, then drapes her arms around him for the photo, he's got a look on his face like "strewth these pommie Sheilas are forward". Get a picture of Fred Flintstone's car with an octopus on the roof too, not something you see in every town. Meanwhile back on the esplanade it's a glorious sunset as we walk to the restaurant.
Once inside & settled, I'm torn between the snapper & the scallops on the specials, it's a moot point because they're both gone, so Jo & I go for the the Rockling with a couple of Carlton Drafts. Dinner is all good, service very friendly, even get my favourite sticky toffee pudding for afters. Wander back is of course bloody cold in this coldest warm country in the world. Make it to our home for the night which has warmed up nicely. Watch Gone in 60 Seconds, when Nicolas Cage made good films & Angelina Jolie was hot, so go to sleep to dream of her.
Days away from work = 8
Indigenous creatures found = 2: kookaburra & emu
Live marsupials spotted = 2: kangas & wallabies
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 6
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 17
Sleep through pretty much to the alarm thanks to watching the film to the end last night. Hop up & find not only do we have tea & coffee supplies but also a little carton of milk in the fridge, well done Esplanade Resorts. I make a brew while JT slowly emerges from her pouch & we catch up on overnight news from home. Get washed up & our bits together then out for breakfast at the local Funky Monkey. 'Tis an excellent find too, unassuming from the outside with a gourmet breakfast selection on the inside, we have a couple of their outstanding eggs Benedict with bacon & the inspired addition of pesto sauce. Toy with the idea of a breakfast desert course but decide to hit the road & save some room for a lammington on the way.
Drive through the Victorian countryside is pretty uneventful for the next 200km, rolling hills, green fields, cows & gum trees. Pass through Stratford on Avon, but no sign of the Aussie Shakespeare. Stop at Taralgori for a take away coffee, eat in lamington & driver change. Back on the road the A1 becomes the M1, heading for Melbourne, not the dreariness of the North. Not much else to report again, lots of countryside, not much of anything else.
Before Melbourne, we have a little diversion to the Four Pillars gin distillery, as recommended by JTs lover John. It's a lovely little place in the Victorian wine region where we wander in & sign up for a tasting. The chap, lets call him Tom, gives us three gins to try, accompanied by some Fevertree tonic. First up there's the Rare Dry Gin, with essences of citrus & star anise; next we have the Navy Strength Gin, which is a little bit dryer, less aromatic, but creeps up on ya (as Tom puts it); finally we have the Negroni, citrusy again with blood orange, spicier though & recommended for mixing with vermouth in cocktails & martinis. Tis a lovely place with views of Wilma, the still, and interesting chatting with fellow gin aficionados. Pick up a travel pack of gin & the suppliers in London & New York, then we're on our way again.
Pretty uneventful motorway drive until we get to the outskirts of Melbourne, which is only really eventful for the constant traffic updates. Into the centre of town & the traffic becomes really grinding, the time to destination on the sat nav continues to move away from us as the time ticks by. Eventually make it to the Langham, looks a nice place but we only have time to drop the bags then back into the traffic to drop the hire car back. It takes half an hour to make the 2.5km drive to Europcar & it is in vain as the place shut 10 mins before we arrived, there is no drop box & none of the numbers work. So rather than the pleasant 15 min stroll through the park, poor Jo has yet more stressful driving in the Melbourne rush hour. Finally make it back, park next door, clock the extortionate fees & vow to get up early to move the car. In the hotel, things are looking up as it is all rather resplendent. Bit of a queue at check in but the charming chap tells us we can park the car out front for a couple of hours tomorrow morning. Up in the room, things are looking up again as we have a lovely corner room overlooking the river from all sides. No time to stop & admire though, its gone 7 & we haven't eaten since our mid day lammington stop.
Out front to check out the plethora of riverside bars & restaurants, but don't venture far as we find a Bavarian beer hall called Hophaus, not very Melbourne (it's not Greek) but perfect for the hungry & weary traveller. Upstairs & a couple of Erdingers in hand we peruse the menu before quickly settling on some Kirkpatrick oysters & a weiner schnitzel with all the trimmings each. Another Erdinger is sank before moving on to their beer tasting platter along with a strudel for the strumpet & a brûlée for the bloke. Literally stagger out of our little corner of Germany for the short walk (or slide in Jo's case) back to the hotel.
Stagger round the room, stagger into the shower, fumble with the toothpaste & stumble into bed before attempting to watch the TV in a stupor.
Days away from work = 9
Indigenous creatures found = 2: kookaburra & emu
Live marsupials spotted = 2: kangas & wallabies
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Bugs splattered = 1E17
Gins quaffed = 9
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 24
Alarm goes off at 5:40 to send me down to move the car. Decide I might as well go for a run while I'm up & out so get my race gear on. Down in the car park, pay the $12 overnight rate (rather than the $64 daily rate), park it out the front where the bell chap is expecting me, then down to the front. Run along the river, slalom through the early morning rowing girls out for their morning, well, their morning row. Run down by the banks, under the bridges, reminds me a lot of running in Frankfurt, only much warmer. Turn around at one of the many bridges, then back down the other side to the bridge with a bar that our room overlooks. Back home I can't quite remember our room number but once on our floor I just follow the snoring. Get in, get showered, get shaved, then hand over the bathroom to JT while I treat myself to a little rest.
Get out for our second attempt at finding Europcar, this time we arrive bang on time for their 8am opening, just a 10 min drive this morning. Chap got my message from last night & isn't at all bothered by our 12 hour late return. Grab an Uber back to the hotel & straight to breakfast. Buffet is all good, bircher, a deconstructed eggs benedict, then a pancake course loaded with everything, which actually was a bit too much. Catch up on social media, well done Scott for adding your HGV to your pilots licence & your 50m breaststroke, don't forget to tidy your desk Michaela! Catch up on news of the Calais jungle clearing & the Hong Kong banker murderer (yes Scott, seems lorry drivers are not the only profession that kills prostitutes). Read the "My Week by Julian Asage" for some light relief before heading up for a post breakfast rest. Actually manage to spend a couple of hours catching up on work (which I will not bore you with), while JT drools on me, two of my favourite things in one.
Right its 11:45 & time to head down ready for our 12 o/c pick up, we're heading out to Philip Island, our only organised tour of the trip. Di meets us bang on time & after a little hiccup in finding the bus, we're on our way. Damo is our driver & tour guide, he talks us on the way out of Melbourne & on to our first stop, the Moonlight Wildlife Park. Chat to a northern couple on the way down & some gigantic American woman complains to Damo that her seat is broken, wonder how that happened. It's marsupial central at the park, Jo grabs a koala cuddle pass & gets up close & personal with the furry fella. Next up is the kanga & wallaby enclosure which is running alive with the hoppy chappies, trouble is it's also running alive with unruly school children. The not so pleasant mammals are running through under the barriers & harassing our pouch dwelling cousins, one even falls on a kanga that's happily feeding from my paw. Still get some good shots & other that the human horrors it's a good little set up they have here. Quick stop in the gift shop as we have our orders from home, then time for a pie & sauce before Damo rounds us up to get back on the road.
It's about 45 minutes down to Philip Island & our next excursion, a wine tasting event. It is pleasant enough with 3 whites & 2 reds to sample, along with a selection of cheeses to enhance the experience. Whites were nice but felt the reds were very lightweight, not like the Cabernet Sauvignon you get in WA. Bit of a funny bunch our crew, northern family have a rather annoying daughter, was shocked when she said she was 26, seemed like 14, Italian honeymoon couple don't speak English, lone travelling Kiwi girl gives one word answers & the American group just look at you like there working out how they'll wear your skin. Jo finds a Finish duo to chat to, such is her love for the race. They seem nice enough for a nation of alcoholics who eat rotting shark & beat each other in the sauna.
Anyhoo, on the road again, Damo has a treat for us, he's dropping us in Cowes, which is even more dreary than the one on the Isle of Wight, plus it's 5 o/c, Australia's closing time. Amuse ourselves with the jetty, briefly, then head to the only souvenir shop open for some things to keep us warm that will later become presents. Next stop the pub. Spot northern family in there, suggest we should sit with them, Jo tells me we should not. Back on the bus for our penultimate stop, Nobbies Rocks, which is inhabited by our Camp Quality rally buddies, even see some familiar cars. See a couple of penguins under the walkway too. Right now for the crescendo of the tour, the penguin parade. JT & I get kitted up with everything we've brought & bought, grab some fish & chips, which attracts some aggressive seagull attention, then find our seats. Bit of a wait, but that just builds the tension until we see the first dark mass in the water, signalling the first raft of penguins. The cute little critters first mass on the shore, then head along the path or into the brush. Our view isn't great at first but as the crowd starts to thin out we jump into prime penguin position. Really great to see them arriving on shore, seeming to gather with friends then head off together, there's some squabbling in the bush & constant chatter as they file on past. As we head back along the boardwalk, JT manages to get some sneaky sleeve footage despite the strict no camera rule, I think most people are at it & if you don't have a flash you're not doing them any harm.
Back on the bus & most of the gang is here, wait ages for Kiwi girl, I tell Damo that no one will miss her, he thinks I'm joking. Eventually she turns up & we can drive back to Melbourne, which is even less interesting in the dark. I watch Have I Got New For You while most of the coach sleeps the journey away. We're number three on the drop off, which is always interesting to see where others are staying. Bid a fond farewell to our troupe & thanks to Damo for looking after us on such a long day. Finally get back home where JT makes the beddie tea & soon fall asleep.
Days away from work = 10
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 9
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 25
Alarm goes off at 7 am, which is promptly & repeatedly snoozed as we both suffer from sticky mattress after our long day & late night. Eventually drag ourselves out of the pit & into the shower, then it's down to breakfast. Usual muesli course, followed by omelette, bacon, sausage & a cheeky pork bun on the side, it is not good unfortunately. Manage to resist the chocolate fountain for the waffle course, JT is not so restrained covering hers in chocolate, smarties, flake & a pork pie. Clearing the Calais jungle & the controversial third runway at Heathrow dominates the news. Right time for a post breakfast rest, catch up on work stuff, make plans for Singapore, then its out for some sightseeing.
JT is in charge of on ground logistics & leads us for our tour of the Melbourne highlights. We start with the Flinders St station, its quite an interesting colonial building from the outside, nothing to see inside. Find a lovely Anglican cathedral called St Paul's, they charge $5 for photography, JT offers to throw me into the bargain, the old biddy gratefully accepts. Lovely stone walls, immaculately clean, lined with memorials to servants of the church who gave their lives in protection of the crown. Next we head to Hosier Lane for the Banksy inspired street art, which although lacking in political satire is colourful & interesting, pretty much everything is covered, walls, fences, bins. Head back out we critique the juxtaposition of the dumpsters in the ally against the fancy Ugg stores on Elizabeth Street before realising they're just bins & we're being pretentious. Carry on down to The Block, a Victorian mall with ornamental ceilings & trendy coffee shops where we indulge in a latte & lammington. Head on from here to Chinatown which is, well, pretty much like any other Chinatown in any other city, but it has to be done. Cross the road into the park with a cool fountain that seems to have been chosen as backdrop for the amateur Bollywood production, JT is most amused by the leading man's strutting, gyrating & posing, he's like a poor man's, fat Asian John Travolta. From here we take in the state parliament & treasury building, lined with various statues of commonwealth heroes. With Melly lapped we stroll down to the river, where the chilly wind returns, back up to the station & along the waterfront to the hotel.
Feeling content with our day's sightseeing we indulge in another rest (or coma for Jo) before our evening out with Jasmine. Make arrangements with our Mt Blanc buddy to meet for drinks before our dinner reservation. Get ourselves together, short taxi back round to Chinatown, we're just debating which bar to head to when we see Jas bounding down the ally. Hugs all round for the long lost mountain friends before heading into Gingerboy for some pre dinner drinks. Grab ourselves a couple of Ginger-girls for the girls & a butch lychee gin & tonic for the fella. Speaking of butch, Jo & Jas tell me I'm wasting my time trying to charm the barmaid. There is much to catch up on since we were together in Chamonix as the ginger based drinks continue to flow. Time to move downstairs for dinner, which is all good in a nouveau Chinese fusion kinda way. Jas sticks with the ginger, a Barrow Boy for JT & a good old G&T for me, I ask for slimline but the waitress tells me I don't need it (& they don't have it) and we drink a toast to our missing drinking buddy Adam. Dinner, drinks & desert continue to flow as there is much to talk about, our recently qualified MBA friend has been travelling around Europe & Indonesia, while our our own travel exploits are of course legendary.
As much fun as this is, 1/3 of us has to get up for work in the morning so as the clock ticks towards 12, we must bid our emotional goodbyes, at least until one of our many possible expedition pairings comes off. It's an Uber for Jo & me as Jasmine disappears into the night. Once in doors, it's bed time even for us holidaymakers, but first I must watch the Banged Up Abroad about the hippy bloke in Tokyo.
Days away from work = 11
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 12
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 26
7 o/c alarm gets us up pretty much straight away this morning as we need plenty of time to fit in breakfast before we leave today. Usual breakfast of delights, although I completely shun the pancake / waffle course, but am disappointed with their selection of pastries. Read of the papers where Heathrow & Calais continue to dominate, albeit with the famine in Yemen making the world news. Back up for a final pack before checking out & heading to the airport. Quick & efficient check in by the resplendently red Virgin Australia girl. Shoot through security, quick browse of the shops then settle for a pre flight coffee as the board says "Relax, your flight isn't until 13:00 mate". Boarding is a bit of a zoo, everyone joins the priority queue, then ignores the constant reminders they're only boarding rows 28-40. We're not priority, but at least we have the sense to understand we haven't paid for this privilege. Once on board we find ourselves in a strange place where I can see the seat in front & ordinary people are all around us. Get our own TV screen & a bonzer selection of movies to watch though, so can't complain.
Once in the air the scarlet clad lovelies bring round lunch, in a cardboard box (?), do get a rather nice South Australian Cabernet Sauvignon, fitting as we fly across the Great Australian Bite, so I'm still not complaining. After writing the blog & playing some games I settle with Demolition Man with Jake Gyllenhaal & Naomi Watts, it's a complex drama with lots of thoughtful reflections on relationships & loss, if I could be bothered. JT makes a far more intellectual choice with Selma.
Arrive in Perth, for the first time since I left as a 16 year old on a 6 week trip to London. 4 weeks later I cashed in my return ticket. For the first time I seriously contemplate how I will feel about the place, will memories come flooding back or will my memories have faded so much & will the place have changed beyond my recognition. Hop off the plane & are soon round in domestic baggage reclaim, decide to check on the car hire while we wait for the bags but there's no one there. Bags arrive in respectable time & we head out to find the Europcar. Bit of a queue & they're not quite on the ball in sleepy Perth as in Sydney but we do eventually get handed the keys to our shiny C class. Squeeze the bags in, fathom out the controls, then head out onto the open roads. Sat Nav is a bit confused, I presume there's a new road layout as it thinks we're in the middle of nowhere, eventually it picks up the road as we get to the freeway & feel much more comfortable. Nothing is looking familiar at all as we exit the freeway & drive through Perth. Turn onto Richardson St towards our hotel, which I thought was close to the city but seems quite residential, then I remembered we're in sleepy Perth. Pull up at the hotel to find no one to greet us, we'll get the bags out ourselves then, eventually a girl appears to load the trolley, "haven't you got a chap to do that for you I ask", "yes" she replies. Get checked in & meet the owner, who may have been called Mr Richardson & the street as well as the hotel is named after him. They've found the chap, he's a 12 year old Indian boy who takes our luggage & shows us to our room, which for some reason is more like a house, we have a kitchen, dining room, lounge & a spare bathroom. Get ourselves sorted, then time for a little rest before we decide what to do this evening.
Jo's on ground logistics easily outpaces my vague memories of the town, she has several delightful sounding nightspots to choose from, one called Mayfair Lane is just round the corner so we get ourselves washed up & glammed up then out into the night. The place is buzzing as we close in, start to wonder if we'll get in, but it's not too busy when we get there, just buzzing. Get seated in the open terrace, which of course being Australia is bloody cold. We're offered blankets, I decline remembering that Perth is a tough frontier town, Jo grateful accepts as the waiter delicately drapes it round her shoulders, much to the annoyance of the girls on the next table who had their blankets thrown at them. I order a gin, JT a glass of WA red as we peruse the menu. A steak for me & lamb three ways for JT who likes it that way. My steak is good as I join Jo in the Margaret River Cabernet, but her young sheep selection is awesome, shoulder, crown roast & cottage pie. I give in to the cold & take a blanket over desert as I wonder how far south Australia has shifted in the last 30 years.
Bid our farewells to Mayfair Lane & head into the chilly evening back home for the night. While not terribly late in Perth we haven't adjusted to the three hour time difference from Melbourne & we turn in at 10pm, or 1am East Coast time.
Days away from work = 12
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 13
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 26
7 o/c alarm sees me promptly up & out for my run. I lost the silly iPhone headphone connector somewhere on our travels from Melbourne, but JT pulls it out of the bag by laying her hands on the lightning earphones the phone came with. Don't remember running around Kings Park when I was living here, I guess because I didn't live locally, so I'm breaking new ground. It's pleasant & mild this Saturday morning & after a few streets I'm in the park. I kinda think I know where I'm going but always seem to end up on the internal roads rather than nice paths through the bush, in any case I end up on the top of the hill near the war memorial overlooking the city, which is where I wanted to end up. Views over the Swan River & the city skyline beyond, really are quite beautiful, the ANZAC memorial with it's eternal flame & the Great War memorial on the edge of the park are typically fitting in this country that salutes it's fallen soldiers so well. The same inscription as in Sydney "Let silent contemplation be your offering", which I'm not sure was always there just I didn't notice it before. Feeling I know the city I grew up in like the back of my hand, I decide to take a more scenic route back, then get lost & have to resort to Apple Maps directions, which eventual sees me right, running along the side of the road rather than risking snakes in the bush. Back home JT is a little worried after being over an hour for my 10km run, probably thought the bushmasters had sought revenge.
Showered & freshened we head down for breakfast in the delightful patio area. Muesli, a delightful bacon eggs benedict & a few light pastries while we catch up on the news of Hillary's latest email scandal, what will this mean to the US election, what conspiracies are the FBI up to & shirley that buffoon Trump won't sneak in. Still no point dwelling on that when we have Perth to explore. Quick chat with the front desk reveals there's a free bus into the city centre with a stop round the corner, so that's where we head. Nearly jump out of my skin when I press the information button & some sheila starts shouting at me "THE NEXT BLOODY BUS IS IN 3 MINUTES". Hop on, can't say the journey looks familiar, nor does it when we stop in Hay St. Walk down the pedestrian precinct which seems to confirm that they've changed everything in 30 years, what a shocker. Browse the local surfy shops, even though it's bloody cold & we're not surfers (any more), we do find some nice gear, JT finally finds a rash vest she loves as much as the one that went missing on that fateful trip to Egypt. Head down further through this strange unfamiliar home town, pick up the final of the presents, ooo & ah over the Ozzie baby gear, but manage to resist. Well that's the end of the city centre, I did warn Jo there wasn't much to it. Sign a petition to stop live human organ transplants in China & get an iced coffee. Speak to my sister to make arrangements for this evening then remember I wanted to get a replacement iPhone ear connector & apparently they have an Apple shop in sleepy Perth. This give us the chance for some more exploring, which other than paying $12 for a bit of wire is largely uneventful. Back on the bus, quick pitstop at the hotel then back on the road in the car.
I've planned another trip down memory lane, back to my old schools, my old house & the beach. It's a relatively short drive in the compact city & we're soon on Hale road going past my school. The playing fields are filled with portacabins & there's a massive erection, maybe things haven't changed that much since my day. Park up where the student parking lot used to be (& maybe still is but they've paved it now). Most of the school is fenced off these days but I use my local knowledge to find a gap & we're in. JT doesn't seem too sure but I tell here I'm an old boy, they won't mind. No wave of emotions flooding through, just looks vaguely familiar, can't find the way into the quadrangle where we used to hang out at lunchtime, maybe it isn't there anymore. Work our way round to the gymnasium & the old technology classrooms don't seem to have changed a bit. They still have the sliding doors, we rigged one up to pop out of the runners when we had a substitute teacher, he went batshit crazy. There are some people round the other side of the school by Upper 13 where we used to go to smoke, I look round to share this with JT but she's hiding under the bench. Right just time to find the pool, which doesn't look like it's changed at all, then time to close this chapter. Back in the car we do a quick drive past to Hale school where the posh kids went to school & my mum used to work.
We drive through Woodlands where most of my friends lived (as it was close to the school, but I lived miles away), watch a game of cricket, visit the park then onto Inaloo shopping centre. First the burger place we used to hang out & play pinnies, then across the road to the main shops where I had my first job. It's become a massive Westfield shopping mall now & the Target supermarket (where I worked as a trolley collection administrator) has gone but the department store is still there. It was a bit of a cheap store (& still is) we used to call it Tar-gét kinda like we call Primark, Primarni. Pop into the Coles supermarket to pick up a trolley full of Aussie chocolate treats. With my high school & first job crossed off memory lane, it's time to see my old house, which we drive on the same route I used to ride my bike from school. Eventually find Brighton Rd & someone has put a fancy mansion where our old house made of asbestos sheets used to sit, criminal this progress. Funny, it's changed so much I don't feel any affection towards it. Quick jaunt to my local shops, there's a fancy French boulangerie down there now, the chip shop is still there, just you can't get a snapper & 50c worth of chips anymore. Round the corner the little Italian supermarket has become a pilates studio. Across the road to my old primary school which looks as if time hasn't moved on.
My last indulgence is down to the beach, which is a short drive, about 1/2 a km to Brighton beach. The sand is soft, the ocean spectacular & warm, at last something as I remember it, but then there's not much man can change about that, except it's now full of fancy kite surfers, we just caught waves in my day. Walk along to Scarborough beach & the life guard hut where we had our graduation party, where I went with Fiona but ended up kissing Natalie who was going out with the toughest boy in school, I never did take a beating from either of them but since I left the country two days later & 30 years have passed I think I'm safe. Scarborough beach is looking a bit more lively than in my day, but still full of kids eating each other on the seafront so maybe not that much after all. Still has that really bogan clock that never told the right time & still doesn't. Just time for a tearful last walk along the beach before filling the car with sand, just like the old days & heading home.
Back in the hotel, time is indeed marching on, we need to get ourselves washed up for dinner with my sister. We're glammed up in no time though & it's not far to my siblings flat in Subiaco. Find her pad pretty easily, she's got a nice two bedroom place, right on the edge of the city, she shows us around including the bed she got for when my parents stay, I jump on it, just like I said I would & me mum told me not to. Catch up on news with Sue but before long it's time for our dinner at the Witches Cauldron, very fitting so close to Hallowe'en. It's not far & we're soon parked & in our little booth drinking gin, well I'm drinking gin but what else is new. We have a fine dinner, I even get snapper, the best snapper, the best fish, in the world is here in Perth, I think it's the thing I miss most, well apart from Natalie. Reminisce on times from long ago to not so long ago, in a way I can't remember the last time I did with my sister & I think it really is a pleasure.
Time does relentlessly march on & our time with Susan comes to an end with a fond farewell at her apartment before it's time for us to get home before we turn into pumpkins.
Days away from work = 13
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 15
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 26
Alarm is regularly snoozed this morning, no run after my marathon yesterday. Drag ourselves up, washed, dressed & down to breakfast. Go for the same Richardson delights presented to us by our lovely from Malawi. In news Hillary is not very happy with the FBI as her lead in the polls is cut to under 4%. Back in sleepy Perth, a million miles away from such politics, we have our own plans to work out. My final trip down memory lane to Rottnest has been a bit scuppered by the festival they have going on in the tiny island just off the coast. The only ferries available leave at 11:30, return at 14:10 & cost $158, love Rottnest but not that much.
Instead we return to Kings Park after my run yesterday morning for the lovely scenery & views of the city. Navigate our way through the maze of internal roads towards the top of the hill. Parking is a bit of a zoo thanks to the Perthonian practice of saving spaces with deck chairs or standing in the way. We do find one recently vacated by a woman with her arse hanging out of her shorts. Stroll through the park, even though it's not particularly warm the families are out in force with picnics, cricket games & stoking the communal barbies. Down to the front for the views, which JT agrees are quite lovely before heading to the war memorial where there is some Aussie - Greek remembrance ceremony. They're commemorating a second world war battle in Greece, where I guess the brave Aussie diggers fought along side their Ouzo swigging comrades. Again, it's all done very well, very somber & moving, especially when the old boy trips down the steps under the weight of his medals. Leave after paying our respects to explore the rest of the hilltop views.
Back in the car we plan our next move, I'm thinking the new Elizabeth Quay but the sat nav can't find it so head for Fremantle instead. It's a relatively short drive to the port town just south of Perth, bit of a queue when we get there & I'm struggling to find where the action is these days. Apparently there is plenty of action though as the streets are closed due to an "event" so get parked & off to find it. Never really do find anything much going on but it's a nice walk through the more traditional buildings in Freo & it's bustling with people & bars. Find a nice table kerbside to enjoy people watching while we order some calamari & a couple of Redback beers (I can't really count that as something that will kill you, unless you're Stuart & have a wheat beer allergy). Enjoy a delightful spot of people watching in the surprisingly warm sun, everyone is out, including transvestites with unfeasibly large breasts, skateboard family & 40 something roller disco man who pulls off some impressive pirouettes without a hint of irony. With the beer gone & our parking ticket running out it's time to leave this town.
Drive out is a bit grinding due to the event road closures but once we're on the highway we're away & back in our West Perth home before you can say where's the quokkas. Indoors we have a bit of a sort out & bit of a chill out before our last evening in the West Australian metropolis. Unfortunately the metropolis shuts on Sunday nights, we head out to our favourite Mayfair Lane, but its shut, so is everything else in the vicinity. Jump in the car to drive to the lively Subiaco we went last night, that's shut too, pop into a Greeko place, to show our respects to their fallen heroes, but they're shutting too. Maybe we'll find somewhere on the way home, nope all shut. Ok, last night dinner in the hotel restaurant, sounds perfect. We are the only ones in there but it's very nice & not nearly as fancy as it looks. We have a couple of curries & a couple of pale ales as we reminisce our Australian expedition.
Upstairs for final sort out of stuff ready for our very early start in the morning before watching some car crash dash cam programme with our beddy tea
Days away from work = 13
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 16
Champagne sipped = 8
Stubbies slaked = 31
Up at 3am (yep 3 in the morning), get washed, last pack of the cases, check out & hit the road. It's as quiet as you would imagine at this time on a Monday morning in sleepy Perth, so even with a slight sat nav mishap we're at the airport before 4. Feel slightly concerned that we might have missed something as we drop the car keys in the Europcar box but think we're ok. In the terminal Virgin Australia have a new self serve bag drop, it's all very new, a little confusing & a bit concerning. We get a scarlet lovely to guide us through the process, I guess no different to Tesco, although the consequences of screwing it up are greater. Anyhoo, wave our bags off & make our way through the unfussy security & through to airside. Get a coffee & a cookie, then while away our remaining time with free WiFi.
Climb on board & into our standard seats, the flight is about half full so we're all together & get off a bit early. From the films JT goes for Gods of Egypt, which apparently is glitzy but silly, I go for Tehran Taxi, as you know I do love an Iranian film, alas it's not A Pair of Shoes. We're served scrambled egg & potato croquettes, in a cardboard box as they seem to do on VA, but it's nice enough. Try to have a nap but it's not that comfortable so just blog & game to the end of the flight. Overall a decent service on Virgin Oz, I don't know what people complain about travelling coach.
Jump off at Sydney & enter the Christmas airport, how jolly. Now I've been impressed with the efficiency in my homeland, everything just works....apart from the almighty faff it is to get from domestic T2 to international T1. Get three separate lifts to the ticket hall, queue up to pay $6 each, negotiate the barriers, another lift & finally a 8 minute wait until you drag your cases across the gap (between the train & the platform). It's only a few minutes, then back up in the lift, through the barriers, 2 more lifts then you're at departures, simples. At least we're at BA priority check in, where other than the Dorris printing 2 boarding passes for me & none for JT, is all very efficient & we're soon through to security. Fill in our departure card we got from BA, through the automated passport check, drop your card in the box & we're through, no stamp in your passport I guess. Quick browse of the shops, Jo tries in vain to get some Sipsmith gin for Jan, I am more successful (albeit less ambitious) in getting some Cherry Ripe & Caramelo Koalas for the kids in Sing. Right time to enter the Qantas lounge & I must say it is delightful. We get reclining armchairs right in front of the runway with everything you want & what I want is gin. Bartender doesn't have Tanqueray but pulls off a blinder when he presents a bottle of Four Pillars, my favourite Australian gin. Meanwhile back at the runway recliners, JT has ordered us a couple of pulled pork buns which are delish, as are the pavlovas we have to follow, amazing our first of the trip, almost missed the ballerina's favourite from our Aussie delicacies. A gin or so later it's time to make the journey to the aircraft, which is short & we have the first 2 seats on board, very efficient.
Once aboard we're looked after by Felicity & Lucy who literally see to my every wish & I mean every wish. Felicity keeps my champagne constantly topped up until we're in the air when Lucy pops round for a chat & a gin. I tell her that Robin was absolutely right in they have the loveliest crew on the 777, Lucy blushes a little but agrees as her enormous false lashes brush on my cheek as she flutters them at me. We chat for about 30 mins, then when Lucy gets up off her knees, I'm too afraid to look round to Jo, but she tugs on my fetlock. It's ok I tell her, they're staying in Singapore too, in the Carlton across the road, we'll see them again on the way home. I think that keeps her happy, but anyway she can't really reach me. Settle down to dinner & a film, both go for the prawns, beef & chocolate lava cake (no Pete, not together) & our separate ways on film. I've been toying with Batman vs Superman for ages so finally go for it, it's moody, everyone is frightfully serious but I nod off after dinner only to wake up after one of them has bought the farm. JT goes for Eye in the Sky & an orgy of Downtown Abbey. Don't really want to sleep too much on this leg as it will be nearly nighty night times when we get to Singapore, but the alcohol has taken it's toll & I must just have a quick one before the end of the flight. Feeling refreshed, Felicity brings round afternoon tea with lashings of champagne, in fact she gives me the left overs to take home. Spend the rest of the flight blogging, listening to music & flirting with cabin crew, even get a kiss from a lovely in business as I was changing out of my pyjamas. Other than that, pretty smooth & on time into Singapore.
Not surprisingly we're first off the plane, get a bit carried away with chatting & veer off course but we're soon joining the unusually long passport queue. Feeling pretty chilled thanks to the drink & we're soon through. Wander outside to the taxi rank & for the first time since we left chilly old England it feels warm. It's a short & familiar ride to the Mandarin Oriental where I blag a room upgrade thanks to my BA card, we have an Ocean View Grand, so JT doesn't have to see the squalor I normally have to endure. She is indeed pleased as we get showered, into the jammies while catching the highlights of the Mexican GP with a cup of tea in bed.
Days away from work = 14
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 20
Champagne sipped = 21
Stubbies slaked = 31
Up at 6am this morning & despite an early start, long day travelling & relatively late night I'm up pretty spritely, looking forward to a delightful run around Marina Bay. That was one of my highlights from my recent business trip, well until the excessive drinking took over...on Tuesday. Anyhoo, I'm soon into my running kit, much to JTs bemusement who thought that I was heading into the office, silly girl. Hit the pavement outside & it's pouring with rain, well that's that then. Back up stairs & if my boss is reading this I get ready & head into the office for an early start on catching up on my emails & work & stuff, I definitely didn't get back into bed & snuggle up in the most comfortable bed in the world ever. I probably didn't go down for breakfast at the fine Mandarin Oriental buffet, possibly the best in the world, a bold statement I know. Plus they have an amazing Hallowe'en chocolate carving.
Taxi to the office is relatively quick & efficient, get my pass validated, find my office & get logged in like an efficient mammal. Pop out to deliver the chocolate to SQ as he was expecting, being an avid blog reader, Meow tells me she'll she help me get settled, but I already am, she doesn't believe me. Meanwhile back in Marina Bay, JT has migrated to the pool to top up her tan, sip lattes, check on news from home & nap a little. She can't sleep the day away though as she has to come to the office to meet Amy, baby Ada & me for lunch. Amy takes us to her favourite Dim Sum where all the staff know her & come over to coo over the baby, obviously Amy comes here a lot. Lunch is delicious, Amy is as always delightful & Ada is adorable, she sits happily on my lap for ages (the baby that is, not Amy). Jo then heads off to meet Fi for coffee while I head up to slave away to earn enough money for our flight home.
7pm comes round (errm 9pm if you're the boss) & it's time to head out for a small gathering in Ress Stop. Teddy & I blaze he trail before JT rolls out of a taxi all glammed up. We're soon joined by Ann, SQ, Dawson & finally Meow, apparently her boss is a complete swine who keeps her late every night. JT & Dawson polish off a bottle of wine between them before the others eventually fade away, so Fi suggests we come back to her hood, which is apparently in the red light district, but not the one you're thinking of. No sign of hookers in Fi's hood but a nice little street side place where we have noodles & beer served by the alcoholic barmaid. Mr Keith joins us midway through after negotiating blockchain deals. While it would be early evening if I was flying solo, I recognise I have a relative amateur in tow so we decide to call it a night before JT turns into a pumpkin. Once indoors we admire the view before stumbling into the worlds most comfortable bed.
Days away from work = 14
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 25
Champagne sipped = 21
Stubbies slaked = 33
Up at 7, no run plans, just breakfast plans, which we make pretty efficiently & we're soon at the buffet of plenty. News from home that my oldies have got a completion date for the sale of their house & booked their flights to Australia for the day before. I hope they're aware that Oz is now part of the Antarctic continent. Anyhoo, mustn't dally I've got to get to work to steer the bank through turbulent waters. Once in the office I'm greeted by a succession of meetings that I didn't realise I had or knew who the people were, still what else is new. Bump into Lamby, haven't seen him in ages.
Meanwhile JT is enjoying the highlife, lounging on her cabana, preening herself & sunning herself. She indulges in social media, masquerading as me, which confused Tom who obviously thinks I've got the best legs in town. JT reports later tales of a half man - half fish chap who spent an hour flailing in the water, hoping to attract females, apparently unsuccessfully. Next stop for the lady of leisure is a spot of shopping in the endless malls they have here before bringing a pie back to her room (hopefully showing her love of the Aussie national dish & pie is not a euphemism for some hunk she got chatting to in the lift). Come to think of it though, she managed to drink Felicity's champagne (wouldn't we all).
Back in work, Meow takes me out to lunch & I get through a colossal workload before SQ tells me we're going to a networking event back in the city, which is 5 mins from my hotel so why the heck not. My final work engagement completed for the trip, I make the short walk back through the car park, which is also a sauna, so I'm a bit clammy when I return to the room. There's no sign of a pie, she must have eaten him. Get washed up for our final social engagement of the trip & head out to Harry's Bar in Esplanade Walk. We're soon joined by the lovely Ed who wants to know if I really did kill that snake on Kossy, I tell him you had to live through it to understand. We're soon joined by Rob, Alistair & Casey (or C'Lo as she likes to be called these days), finally by Teddy & Bhagesh. We have a delightful evening drinking, nibbling & chatting about times old & new. I am somehow encouraged to recount the tales of my last trip, when I asked a girl I met at 28 Hong Kong St if she wanted to come up to my room, telling her that I had Dairy Milk, but she was Swiss so that didn't cut much ice, quick as a flash Ed, chips in with "you should have offered to Milka", I'll remember that for the next time I pick up a 25 year old Swiss girl, should that ever happen.
Yet again time marches on, Jo reminds me that our flight being at 11pm doesn't mean we leave the bar at 11pm, she's always been the sensible one. Say our tearful goodbyes as JT promises to sort out a clearing issue for Teddy, she's clearly been missing work. Quick trot across the road to our hotel, grab our bags & head for the airport. Shortly we're at checkin, checked in & at customs where I have a chat with a fellow watch aficionado stamping my passport. Straight to the lounge where we're ushered into the Concorde Room. Enjoy our gin & tea during our short stay in the exclusive enclave before it's time to go to the gate, which is of course via security & a bit of a faff. We're trailing behind a rather ostentatious older couple, dripping with Louis Vuitton & they're Northern, they turn right at the plane so that makes sense. We're not so punctual onboard today, our favourites, Felicity & Lucy are running around madly but do eventually give us a warm welcome & a cold glass of champagne.
Take off a little ahead of schedule, bumpy at first but settle into the cruise as the G&Ts, then dinner is served. Not the best we've had on BA, my pear & blue cheese starter was a little bland, so was our sea bass mains, trio of deserts was all good though. I'm ashamed to say I'm struggling to finish my second glass of New Zealand pinot noir, fortunately JT pops over to say hi, then walks off with it. Not much to report from the rest of the flight, milder flirting on this leg, thanks to the busier cabin & the fact I slept through most of it, still had some time for all my favourites though, including Paolo who was taking pictures of the cabin crew kissing me on the last leg (funny I didn't really remember him). Felicity gently rouses me with an hour & a half before landing, offering to make me breakfast, which I rarely turn down from an attractive blonde. Watch a couple of episodes of Family Guy on the way. Pull into Heathrow at 5am, bang on time, bid a fond farewell to Felicity, kiss for Lucy & a shake of Paolo's hand.
Down at the station it's a zoo, shocking as there's just our flight & the one from HK in, but they only have one train running. Decide to hike it through the subterranean route, along with another family, we all make good time & congratulate ourselves as we beat the hordes to passport control. Quick as a flash & before JT can say I'm popping to the loo, our cases appear. Pick up the keys from valet parking & we're on the M25 before 5:30. This gives us a head start on the rush hour & we're home before 7am. JT digs out the dirty laundry before getting stuck into work. I think she got the better deal, laying by the pool at the Mandarin Oriental basking in 30C temperatures, while I visit le Moulin in 2C Hornchurch.
So a super trip, can't believe it took us this long to visit Australia & so glad we did it. Flying with BA with all the trimmings was a joy, Virgin Oz was surprisingly good too. Really enjoyed driving through NSW & Victoria, seeing so much countryside & stopping in small towns. Sydney & Melbourne were fun, only scratched the surface but not sure when we would prioritise a longer trip in the cities. Climbing Mt Kosciusko was a highlight but doing it in such difficult conditions is what made it for us. Perth was a full of mixed emotions, I felt a bit deflated by how little I remembered but it was good to finally do it. Seeing my sister & getting on so well was the highlight, as was seeing so many friends in the other cities. Singapore worked really well, good to get a head start on work, do some visiting, was pleased that JT got some real downtime. Then of course to be able to spend so much time with our friends there was one of the highlights of the trip. Not sure when we'll next make it back down under, probably more frequently with my oldies moving out this month, either way we will look forward to it.
Days away from work = 14
Indigenous creatures found = 4: kookaburra, emu, dingo & fairy penguin
Live marsupials spotted = 4: kanga, wallaby, koala, wombat
Things that will kill you index = 1: bushmaster snake
Gins quaffed = 32
Champagne sipped = 25
Stubbies slaked = 33
Well here we are back together for the first time since Australia, wonder if I still have the gift for waffling. Pretty brutal 42 hours work in three days, a long week for a short week, JT logs off at 1am this morning, I manage to squeeze in a quick one with Big Stu. Up again at 6:30 as I’ve promised to take Kayla to the station, which I do with the heated seats on this chilly early morning. Back home to catch up on well wishes at home & work, turns out that Frosty will be in Tokyo when we arrive & Chicktong when we return for our flight home, a few sakes in Geronimo’s me thinks, oh & Saurabh & I decide to go on a road trip from India to Thailand, so that’s the next holiday sorted. Finish a few jobs before heading up for breakfast in the Le Moulin, pastries are delightfully French as is the owner Helen. Home again we finish the packing & manage an extreme potter which takes us up to noon, time to load up the car & hit the M25. Smooth drive in, no holdups so we’re soon pulling into the T5 valet parking.
Checked in & through the fine new channel in the airport, straight into the lounge, but first JT wants some perfume & a phone cover. Smellies bagged but not much choice of phone cases in Dixons, still I’m sure she’ll find a nice Pokemon one in Tokyo. Back in the lounge, we shun the dining room for something lighter at the bar, along with a couple of drinks of course (we’re not animals). Glass of pink bubbly for the lady, for me a G&T with measures I haven't sampled since the Bulls Head closed down, half a pint of gin, splash of tonic, slice of lemon & lime. Feeling quite squiffy after my second, just as well it’s time to board. We’re A gates today, a rare treat for a long haul flight, except……gate A10 is a bus stop, which seems to take us out to Hounslow or some other 3rd world country as we’re dumped out on the apron & sent up stairs. Finally onboard we’re greeted by Mayumi, JT sings Yoshimi & the Pink Robots to her, but don’t thinks she is a fan of The Flaming Lips. Mayumi Robertson (she now lives in Horsham, poor thing) is no Felicity & certainly no Lucy, but she is lovely nonetheless I’m straight in the jammies to drink my champagne before we strap in for the taxi, which takes us out to Staines. Wonderful sky on this stormy day, pretty smooth take off though & we’re soon in the cruise.
Settle down to watch Ghost in the Shell (Scarlet Johansson is so unbelievably gorgeous, I wonder if we’ll get together one day), dinner is a selection of Japanese starters, beef for me, risotto & a Kir Royal for JT (not in the same glass Pete). Time for Mayumi makes up our beds & for us to climb in & pack down. The booze helps me get off (doesn’t it always) but I’m awake again before midnight, which is 8am in Japan, I think. Have a cup of tea & a write of the blog before settling down for hopefully some more kip before landing.
Gins 3 - 4 Champers
Yeah that Kip didn't work out, 10 mins after packing down again the lights came up, 20 mins later breakfast was served. I fancy watching Lost in Translation over breakfast (not that I have a Scarlet Johansson fetish, well maybe a little but then who doesn’t), but the stupid Sky player doesn’t work. So watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Breakfast is good, fruity muesli (gotta keep regular) eggs Benedict, a couple of croissants & a few cups of coffee. Bit of a dash to get washed up & changed but make it before the approach to Narita airport in Tokyo 15 mins ahead of schedule. Bid a fond farewell to Mayumi & the other Dorrises before hopping off for the short walk to customs. We have fast track tickets so we’re soon at the counter where the delightful little immigration officer runs around like a mad thing to get us processed. We’re through in no time & so are our cases, going round the carousel as we arrive, nice to see some countries understand priority (Canada, eh). Brief stop at the customs control who seems to be checking everyone for chickens, not us big noses though, quick stamp & we’re off. No sign of our driver, realise we’re 30 mins early, give them a quick text but there's not much they can do so we wait. Narita airport is, as you would expect, similar to every other major airport in the world, but somehow different, it has a strange sterile Japanese feel.
Do a bit of people watching while we wait, until I spot our chap with a sign standing behind us. He doesn't seem to speak any English & is in a bit of a flap, but he’s very polite. Quick jog across the arrivals pickup where he’s about to get a telling off from the parking Dorris-san. Out onto the airport roads, then onto the expressway, all quite green & bland in an out of town major road kinda way. Looking forward to the approach into Tokyo. Alas by the time we make it to the outskirts of Tokyo I just cant keep awake. It’s a bit like NYC where the expressway feeds around next to the river & into the city with elevated sections & wide straight roads. We seem to drive through the sprawling metropolis for ages, I keep dozing off, every time I wake up the view looks the same, a little stark in the bright afternoon sun, I’m sure it will look completely different at night. Finally arrive at the Park Hyatt hotel, wonder if Scarlet Johansson is still here, after all she seems to have a penchant for slightly chubby older men. We’re whisked up to the 41st floor reception by a charming young man with excellent English, where we are checked in & seen to our room with resplendent views of West Tokyo from the 42nd floor. Luggage arrives soon after while I sample the butt cleaning options in the lavatory. Unpacked, we have a little unwind with Wheeler Dealers with Ed & Mike speaking Japanese, is there no end to their skills.
Rightyho, time for a little explore, toy with taking a map or getting some tips but decide to just hit the road & follow our big noses. It looks pretty quiet out front so wander down to where it looks busy, all looks pretty samey for a while, then we spot a great little side street, full of neon signs, game stores & craziness. Stop at the Starbucks for a latte & some people watching, which is indeed great fun. Walk up to & through the station, all rather hectic but not too mad. No one but no one walks against the crossing lights (other than me), I know most countries observe this more than the English (since we think we’re so busy/intelligent/tough), but here absolutely no one. I try but it’s really difficult to stand on the pavement when the road is completely clear, so I cross, which makes JT cross. Time to head back as we want a little freshen up before doing it all again this evening. Back in the room we change into our swimmies & go through an odd (& rather annoying) selection of lifts to get to the pool, down to reception on 41, lift up to Club level on 45, then another to the pool on 47. We’re handed towels, water & a swimming cap as we arrive, I shun the silly hat (I’m far too cool for that & what will it do to my hair!), but I relent when the Dorris stops me mid stroke (don’t you hate it when a girl does that) to bring it to me. Great views from the atrium pool area as the day turns from late afternoon, to dusk, to night.
Quick shower & get dressed up, ready to hit the Tokyo nightlife. First up is the NY Bar & Grill on the 52nd floor, where Bill Muray spent most of his time drinking whisky & moping about. It’s pretty cool up here, great views, beautiful people & groovy jazz band, although it does smell slightly odd, something I haven't smelled since the early 2000s, everyone is smoking. It’s pretty much compulsory as we’re sat down like a couple of beagles with Marlboros stuck in our gobs. Not that it’s a problem, just very odd to our Western ways (having said that, they still smoke in bars in Zurich). Anyhoo, the rest of the surroundings are, as I say, rather stylish & we enjoy a cosmopolitan & a martini (being trendy winkers) while we decide what part of town to hit.
We’ve decided to go for the evening walking tour recommended in the Lonely Planet & my friend Ed, a mix of neon glitz, authentic Tokyo pubs & girlie bars (seedy but in a fun way as Ed put it). Walk the route back to Shinjuku station, then round to the big square at the far side that’s lit up like mid day. Walk along like goggle eyed tourists into the warren of walking streets, endless bars that we do not feel brave enough to enter, gaming stores that would sear our retinas if we entered & titty bars I would need a few more drinks to enter. Walk around for ages, taking it all in, the neon signs work up the building with presumably different things on offer across the four floors before we decide to go for it. Find a traditional looking place, busy but not too packed & with western writing (even if not in English). They welcome our big noses in (generally places that don’t cater for westerners just turn you away) & we’re shown to our little stools on a bench table. Feeling brave I call out for “ni Asahi arigato”, remembering my 5th grade Japanese (I did learn in Australia), which seems to do the trick. We’re given a little grill hooked up to the gas, all rather ingenious with a little chimney that comes down from the ceiling to suck the fumes away. We order a selection of raw meats which we cook ourselves, chicken, pork belly & beef, while steering clear of (I kid you not) pig womb, uterus & rectum. We’re joined by a couple of chain smoking office workers, funny you hardly ever see anyone smoking on the street but once inside it’s like a kipper factory. Anyhoo, inspired by smokey smokerson’s meat choice we try the intestines, which are pretty good, although not up to Argentine BBQ standards. Settle up an astonishingly expensive meal for a local backstreet bar before staggering out onto the street feeling the effects of many Asahis & lack of sleep. Still we’re not done yet, one final explore before heading home. JT wants to see the red light district which goes something along the lines of bar, followed by Sega gaming arcade, followed by coin operated machines dispensing plastic balls, then brightly lit signs displaying airbrushed girls in school uniforms with dodgy looking blokes out front. Intriguing but will leave that for another night, but then would I really write about it in a family blog, guess you’ll never know.
Feeling really tired now, we literally stagger back to the hotel, fortunately most of the crossing are with us & we’re back home by 11:30. Oh how we wish we could get just one lift to our floor, but no, up to 41st, through reception, then one floor up to our room. Clean my teeth while kicking off my clothes, leave JT to turn the lights out as I really would happily pass out regardless.
Asahi - 4
Gins - 3
Champers - 3
Martinis - 1
Cosmos - 1
Jogger count
Boys 3 - 1 Girls
The thoughts of jogging in the lovely park opposite that faded rapidly after last nights drinking, have now completely disappeared. Alarm goes off at 7:30, 5 mins after we went to bed it seems, still drag ourselves up reasonably efficiently, washed up, dressed & ready for breakfast. Down to 41, find our way to the delightfully elegant restaurant & into a cosy booth. Order the buffet with eggs benedict, juice & coffee, all very good. We sit & savour our delightful breakfast mains while we plan our day & catch up on news from home, in fact we we savour so long we decide to go for a mini meats & cheese course. Of course there is a pastry course, I complain my pastry is a bit chewy, JT responds, oh dear is your croissant not as achingly soft & delicate as your favourite French patisserie (I suspect she may be making fun of me). Breakfast finally done we head upstairs for a mini rest & get ready for the day ahead.
It was very warm & humid yesterday, well into the evening, so today I go for shorts, as it turns cooler & drizzly. I will almost certainly survive though. Head up to Shinjuku station armed with our pre-ordered Plasmo cards, ready to brave the tube. JT has plotted a route using the handy map that came with her Tokyo Lonely Planet, my Tokyo tube map app tells us we should get 3 JR trains & 4 tubes for the fastest route, we go with Jo’s old skool approach. Station is immense but everything is colour coded with English names. We find the green Shinjuku line (from Shinjuku), jump on, 6 stops later we change onto the Asakusa line to errm…Asakusa, couldn’t be simpler. The trains, as anyone who has been to Japan will tell you, are clean, efficient & on time. We’re soon at Asakusa, always interesting to jump off the tube in a new city, wondering how different the streets will be, they are indeed a little narrower & slightly older than Shinjuku. Work our way up to the main street where an English speaking volunteer offers his assistance, he directs us to the bridge which has excellent views of the Sky Tree, but it’s hard to even make it out of the sky on this drab grey day. The tight shorted rickshaw runners offer assistance too, but I don’t think the sort of thing JT had in mind. We find our way to Sensoji temple through the streets lined with tourist tat. I suggest getting wooden Samurai swords for Oliver & Elliott, JT says Jem would hate that, we both agree it’s a great idea.
Temple is a fine affair, beautifully laid out & ornamental in the perfectly sculptured grounds, however the unexpected bonus is so many beautiful Japanese women in traditional dress. They look stunning in their floral kimonos, with matching bags, socks & wooden thongs, sometimes their men dress up too in their drab grey costumes, poor things. The temple has a little fortune telling charade, where you shake a box to get a number ticket to go to another box to find the matching fortune, if you don’t like it you tie it to a post & have another go. Who said religion was mumbo jumbo. Still it looks good fun, but we don’t have any change & are not brave enough to go up to the counter. Get dozens of of great shots of would-be geishas, mainly surreptitiously, other tourists (mainly Indian) are much more brazen, herding the little darlings around into the perfect shot. Time to move on for the rest of the walking route, off to the warren of backstreets that have no name, apparently the system in Tokyo is prefectures are broken down into districts, which are broken down into blocks, then each house has a number. Simples huh, maybe if you’re a postman but its tricky as a tourist, still we manage fine. Hike past the dilapidated amusement park, which looks a lot of fun with its rickety tower of terror, but you have to pay to get in & nothing is in English. We head on past the market stalls & into Yakatori Street (its colloquial tourist name, I’m not contradicting myself), where we fancy some meats on a stick from a stall. Alas it’s a little more complicated than that, its all little sit down places, which although we’re fired up for after last nights success don’t seem remotely interested in our big nose business as we’re ignored at each hut. Settle on a red bean treat inside a fish pancake, although perhaps we should have gone for the sweet potato as apparently “the sweet potato which all the women love, the filling uses the thing which a position stick to the best rank in a sweet potato and is done in rich of naruto”. Anyhoo, JT thinks the red bean is quite nice too & we scoff our fish shape treat on the way back to the tube.
Retrace our steps on the vast Tokyo underground network, each station makes Bank look like Hornchurch, every platform is a kilometre long but everything is immaculately signed & all the signs work. Hop off at the now somewhat familiar Shinjuku station, we trot home in the now quite persistent rain & grab a coffee & treat from the Excelsior coffee in the shopping mall downstairs from the hotel. Little sit & rest with our coffely waffely before getting washed up for dinner this evening.
JT has selected a sushi place in Shibuya, which is good work narrowing down one place, they’re quite big on raw fish here apparently. First stop is the ATM which we’re told is in the office building downstairs, which we eventually find & then confirm the Lonely Planet’s tip that foreign cards down work in Japanese ATMs, even if they display the right signs. Ho hum, head out into the rainy night to hopefully find one on the way to the station. JTs other LP tip is the only ones that work are in 7-11, which she sees across the road so she send me to run across to it, which I do & indeed it does work, so I take out 100 million yen just to be sure. Familiar route to the station, which we wiz through & up to Shibuya. JT has a mental note of where abouts the restaurant is, i’ve plotted it into Apple maps which says its 11 mins walk from the station, bit longer than we hoped in this rain but we head off. Trouble the time isn’t going down in the app, but suddenly JT announces “there it is”, yet again old skool beats new tech! It’s a rather unassuming little place, we get seated a table opposite the sushi bar, in the non-smoking section. JT has a Kirin beer, I go for a modest bottle of sake. We enjoy assorted tempura, which includes the holy grail of fishes, the white snapper. Blackened cod is up next followed by a delightful selection of sushi, 3 types of tuna are amazing. We’re pretty much done, so turn our attentions to what’s next this evening, we decide to head up to Shibuya crossing as it should be particularly photogenic on this rainy evening.
It's a short walk to the iconic crossing, famous for herds of people charging across from each direction. I think part of what makes it such a sight is, as discussed yesterday, no one but no one crosses against the lights, so its such a stark contrast & everyone must get across in a few seconds. We get some great shots from street level, I position myself on the edge of the pavement to get some low level shots of the neon signs reflected in the wet road, pretty cool & worth people thinking I’m odd (which undoubtably I am, but not necessarily because I don’t mind getting wet to take stylish pictures). We’ve spotted a Starbucks that is strategically placed a storey up on the edge of the crossing so we’re over to the coffee emporium for some more arty shots. Seems we’re not the only ones to have noticed this position & there’s a bit of a queue for a window seat so leave JT to fend off the other tourists while I negotiate a couple of lattes using my schoolboy Japanese. When I return Jo has indeed bagged a blinder of a spot, so we while away an hour or so taking photos, time lapse & slow motion footage.
It’s a bit late now to contemplate any bars, Geronimos, go-go or otherwise so decide to head back on the tube. Tis a pleasant journey & the rain has eased slightly for our now familiar trot back from the station. Little potter & browse before lights out on a most enjoyable first day in Tokyo.
Beers quaffed - 5
Gins guzzled - 4 (incl Martinis)
Champers slurped- 3
Cosmos sipped - 1
Sakes sank - 1
Geishas gazed - 50
Jogger count
Boys 3 - 1 Girls
Wake up this morning & the promised rain has arrived, practically zero visibility out of the window on the 42nd floor, still at least I’ve got an excuse not to go for a run. Head down to breakfast while we decide what on plans for a day in Tokyo forecast for torrential rain. Well first of all the plan is to be in no hurry so we avail ourselves of all the delights on offer. Back to the room for a little rest before braving the rain for a trip to the Tokyo National Museum. We shun the troublesome umbrella that is so popular here for our rain jackets brought for the Fuji trek & head down to Tachome station. We’re meeting our group there on Tuesday & considering the vastness of tube stations here, good to familiarise ourselves, especially as the tour company says they operate on Japan time, that is they leave on time, with or without you. It’s a bit more of a faff with connections & this seems one of the least complicated stations (guess thats why they picked it), but still glad we did it.
Jump off at the vast Ueno station, spend 20 mins hiking & hunting for the exit we find ourselves opposite the park. What would be a lovely stroll through the park, past the zoo & along Tokyo museum mile seems less so as the rain lashes down, instantly soaking anyone foolish enough to venture out. Plenty are venturing out nonetheless, hardy creatures these Japanese, along with a couple of English tourists. Quite a few people going into the zoo, really cant imagine that will be a lot of fun. It's quite a walk to the National Museum so we arrive looking like a couple of drown Japanese otters. Tis a nice museum with plenty of interesting exhibits, without anything truly outstanding, samurai armour & swords were my favourite, although they seem to focus on the quality of the blade rather than the ornamental scarabs. JT, being a girl, loved the kimonos (I must admit I was pretty impressed too), amazing embroidery on he ones going back to the 17th century. Quick swim across to the annex for an exquisite collection of miniature Bhuddahs, 72 in fact, all mounted on perfectly spaced & identical plinths around the room. Feeling rather tired from all this culture we head over to the local Starbucks for a strong hot coffee & little treat. Warmed & woken up we brave the elements once more for the hike back through the monsoon to the station. Sit soggyly on the tube back to Shinjuku where thankfully the rain has eased slightly for the walk home.
Pass through reception for some restaurant advise for this evening before grabbing a delicious warm shower. Dried off we sit in our luxurious gowns debating the lucky place we will grace for dinner, fancy teppanyaki this evening, thing is where. Found a place called Grown in Time Out which has good reviews - seems mid range or Iteyu - looks extortionate or Seryna - fancy, just about in our price range & has a place in Shinjuku or Roppongi. Fancy heading out to another district & Roppongi seems to be quite a happening place, give them a call, not sure if they understand me at all let alone have a reservation, ring back, they say yes a lot, still not convinced but hey ho, what's the worst that will happen. Decide to get an Uber as the weather has taken a turn for the worse & we’ve already started to grow webbed feet. Uber chap has a lovely executive Toyota, like old skool, not the flashiness of a Lexus, he’s frightfully polite & resplendent in his white gloves, also speaks better English than your average Uber in London. Seryna looks utterly delightful & best of all has a reservation, at the teppanyaki bar too. Get seated with a G&T for sir & a bottle of Malbec for the lady. I fancy the steak with sashimi started but the 5 course set looks superb & is much more reasonable. Every course is spectacular, prawns & scallops are cooked in front of us, we debate wether the poor creatures were alive or its just the cooking thats making it twitch, probably the latter. Wagu & Kobi steak are monumental, the best ever, even better than Wolfgangs in NYC! I’m a bit concerned how good the Malbec is as I didn't check the price. Meanwhile round the teppanyaki bar there's a couple of old American guys chatting to a couple of very attractive young Japanese girls. Now there’s nothing wrong with this & they’re not dressed like hookers, just they were very engaged, I could be being cynical but there was a big debate about who agreed to pay for the girls dinner when the American codgers came to leave. Anyhoo, speaking of leaving it’s time for us to leave probably the best meal ever. I’m (not surprisingly), ready to hit a few bars on the way home, JT (not surprisingly) is ready to head home, I convince her we should have a nightcap in Geronmio’s, a dive bar I’ve heard so much about that I just happen to know is just round the corner.
Turn down the many offers in the short walk to the bar, head upstairs to a rather unassuming place you wouldn't think twice about if you didn't know. It’s rather busy but make our way to the bar & settle down with a couple of drinks. First impressions it’s a grimy little place where ageing expats go to feel young again, but after a drink its got a certain charm & fun chatting to the bar staff & fellow punters. After a couple of drinks its a lot of fun, great rock tunes from our younger days as we’re joined by the young & young at heart crowd. Jo gets chatted up by a girl from Fremantle with big jugs & breath that smells of sick, sounds like Freeo girls. A few drinks later, its 2am & things are turning fruity in the bar. JT says its time to go home, I think she’s being considerate in not cramping my style, but turns out she means it’s time for us both to go home. To be fair she only wanted to go for one, 4 hours again & she was having more luck with Freeo girl than me, & Liverpool girl & Kiwi guy for that matter. Thinking about it maybe she meant it was time for me to go home. In any case we head outside & into the typhoon & thankfully shortly into our waiting Uber. It’s an interesting ride back through the deserted early morning streets of Tokyo & we’re soon back at our hotel, apart from the short stop for the driver to retrieve the branch from under the car. Kick our clothes into the corner & fall into bed in our drunken stupors.
Gins guzzled - 10 (incl Martinis)
Beers quaffed - 6
Sex on the Beaches slugged - 3
Malbecs savoured - 1
Unlike ourselves, Tokyo has woken up this morning looking delightful after the wild night last night, it’s bright, sunny & forecast to be 32C. We on the other hand are feeling a little dusty as we head down to breakfast at a fairly respectable 8:30. Seated by the window we consider asking to be moved from the intrusive daylight, but the city does look quite spectacular on such a lovely day. Only a mini rest after breakfast & we’re soon off to hop on the tube from Shinjuku, up to Shibuya for Ed’s walking tour.
First stop is the camera shop for a replacement lens cap that I lost nearly a year ago off a cliff in Oz, although not sure why I had to come back to the camera’s place of birth, they probably sell them on the interweb. Anyhoo we’re soon in possession of a sturdy new one with Canon emblazoned across the front, making it seem I shelled out for a fancy lens & not a cheaper model, & in any case less pikey than having a sock over it. Spurred on by this success I have the girls hunting round for a replacement interval control & a USB cable. Head out onto the main drag before peeling off into one of the more interesting side streets, which as Ed advised is lined with outdoor shops, few other cool places, interesting to look but we don’t really need anything, especially at Tokyo prices, especially with Sterlings devaluation. Wind our way through & time to get in from the heat to cool off with some air conditioning & an iced coffee in the Hawaiian coffee bar. Suitably cooled, we’re back on the trail around Harajuku, a district renowned for pop culture & dressing up, especially the girls. It is indeed a pretty cool place with all sorts roaming the streets dressed in school uniforms & lace, black veils & Dr Martin boots. Find a funky little shop that sells cool artwork on anything from stickers to shopping bags where we’re greeted by a couple of kooky girls dressed in red tartan & black. They are very excited & giggle constantly when I tell them how kawaii (cute) they are. Up from there we wander round a few other artwork places & up to the graffiti wall which is ever so popular with the cool kids filming their selfies. Pop into a couple of other shops but mainly just soak in the atmosphere. It’s a short walk back on the main street for a change of pace & into the park. Tis a delightful place as we stroll through the gates (always bowing as is the custom) that lead to the Shinto shrine housing emperor Meiji & his beloved wife Shoken. After washing our hands & paying our respects we head back out of the park, then back through the streets to Shinjuku & on to the hotel.
Hot, sweaty & tired after a long day sightseeing in the sun we have a little rest before our evening adventures. Tonight we’re going to the Sky Tree, something we’ve been keen to do but with the weather being so overcast it wasn't worth it, today though it's perfect. With the sun still bright & high in the sky I argue we have plenty of time, Jo warns it sets fast around here so urges us to be on our way for shots at dusk as well as night. Always takes longer than you think, with the walk to the station, time required to change stations so its 6 o/c by the time we get there. We’ve missed the 6-6:30 slot & told to get our wait, when we do join the queue its a mile long snaking round the inside, those great dusk shots I had in my head are going to stay there. Eventually make it up, the another (shorter) queue for the higher viewing gallery. City is, as you would imagine, spectacular at night, but as a whole, there are no iconic sites to focus on or focus your camera on. The views broken down into window panes doesn’t lend itself to great shots either, just best take it in. So after all that it’s now quite late & JT is feeling hu§ngry, lucky there are a plethora of restaurants in the adjoining mall. So after trying yakiniku, sushi & teriyaki, tonight we go……Bavarian. We do love German, especially Bavarian food, never have it at home but always find a place where ever we go & we do fancy something much simpler tonight. Grab a couple of steins, a plate of sausage & Oktoberfest plank & it’s all good, they even have a dressing up table.
Suitably stuffed with snitzengluben its time to hit the road, retrace our steps to Shinjuku & home again. Jobs to do when we get in, pack our cases to leave at the hotel & pack our rucksacks for the Fuji trek tomorrow. It’s always a bit stressful & quite a faff working out what goes in which bag & how come everything doesn't fit in the rucksack anymore ?! Eventually we do indeed squeeze everything into where it must go & we can finally get to bed.
Gins guzzled - 10 (incl Martinis)
Beers quaffed - 9
Sex on the Beaches slugged - 3
Malbecs savoured - 1
Jogger count
Boys 8 - 1 Girls
Alarm wakes us up at 6:30, can't really complain about our first early start of the holiday, so we don’t, just get our stuff together & down to breakfast. All good as usual, we’re feeling more appreciative of the window table this morning, Jo’s battle to get milk for her tea continues, might be easier to buy a pint in 7/11. Back up for a final sweep of the room, close the cases, call for a chap to put them in storage & take ourselves to reception to check out. Get chatting to a couple from Stuttgart, they’re similarly dressed & similarly with packs, turns out not only are they also climbing Fuji, we’re on the same trek. Head off in our new foursome for the short walk to Tachome station where we soon see a likely group similarly clad in outdoor gear with boots & packs. Sure enough we present ourselves to a chap that has Mt Fuji Guides on his T shirt & we’re all on his list. Hang around a bit chatting to our new climbing friends, apparently there are 27 of us, now that’s a big group of cats to herd around Tokyo & the mountain. We’re sent upstairs to sign our disclaimers (Mt Fuji Guides accepts no responsibility for any injury even if its due to the direct negligence or wilful act of its staff - that sort of thing), chat to an older Ozzie couple & our new Germanic friends before its time to hop on the bus. JT & I are are the last onboard & have the backseat to ourselves.
Not the most exciting journey, we’re soon on the motorway with tall sides blocking the traffic noise from the nearby residents, occasional glimpse into the compact living space of the Tokyo inhabitants. 45 mins in we get a welcome Starbucks break in the Tokyo equivalent of South Mimms services, then back on our way. Next leg is just over an hour as we enter the countryside as we start to wind through the Fuji foothills. Jump out at the 5th station hut for some lunch & get ourselves together, gladly most of the team that looked woefully underprepared are hiring gear. We’re given a little kit over lunch including some sort of bag that turns your poo into scented candles, oh & a Japanese fighting bandana, only one idiot in the team puts it on. Chatting to our fellow trekkers over lunch, while generally outdoorsie, doesn’t sound like there’s any other serious mountaineers. One of the Aussies pipes up that she doesn’t know why anyone would want to go to Everest, its covered in poo & oxygen canisters, I ask her if that’s from personal experience, of course its not, so I tell her she should judge for herself rather than reading something on the web while drinking Jacob’s Creek from her veranda in Wogga.
JT & I quietly transform ourselves from casual city dweller to serious outback explorer & we’re ready for the off. After the obligatory safety talks we’re finally on our way, through the gate, up the concrete steps that turn into wooden posts that soon turns into a rocky trail. We make good pace & the group seems to be sticking together quite well. We stop after an hour or so at one of the huts that are closed in the off season. I should mention we’re climbing out of season to avoid the crowds & make a bit more of an adventure of it. Don't think it makes much difference to the climb, other than we’re limited to the the one hut above 5th station thats still open for our overnight stay. Trail varies from lose gravel with a nice steady incline but with the risk of slipping & big rocky steps. Continue up the trail, past closed huts, out of the tree line & into the alpine as vegetation dwindles until it is completely barren by the time we reach our hut for the night. As one would expect, the hut has a little ritual, take your shoes off, put them in a bag, put on the slippers provided, which you can’t use once you go forward a couple of metres to the sleeping dorm. Cart our stuff through, pick our bunk which JT turns into a little home from home.
Have a little wander round, realise there are a few people missing, guess they’re either slow or the ninjas got them. Take a few dusk pictures from the stone wall before its time to head in for dinner. We all sit round on the floor, not something our fat western asses are used to but we try to be polite. Dinner is miso soup, rice, some sort of minced beef & a selection of pickled things. It’s quite nice & we wolf it down to make way for the otters who have arrived late from their marathon trek. Time to clean the teeth & get ourselves prepared for the early start. With that done we’re feeling a little tired so have a power nap (as they do round here) before joining the otters for a little drink & chat in the dining room. Fancy a drink but concerned the beer will see me climbing down for the loo through the night, I know, I should definitely have a sake, a jar of sake as it seems. Have a sup & a brief chat to our trekking buddies as the dining room closes at 8 o/c, so we’re soon kicked out & up the wooden ladder to bunkfordshire.
Sleep never comes easily in cramped, uncomfortable surroundings knowing you have to be up at the crack before dawn & tonight is no exception. The paraffin heater is fumey & turns the bunkhouse into an inferno after the chilly start. I toss for a bit, then I think I get some sleep but wake up roasting, kick all the blankets off but it still feels like my pants are on fire. The bunk is now awash with my bodily fluids as I toss incessantly for what seems like hours. Think I manage a break from tossing for some sleep just before David turns the lights on & encourages us to be rockstars.
Gins guzzled - 10
Beers quaffed - 6
Sakes sank - 2
Climb out of my bunk feeling exactly like a rockstar, who has finished a world tour. Still compared to some I’m full of the joys of spring, the weaker of this collection come out with all sorts of ailments, “I’ve got altitude sickness”, “my legs hurt”, “I can’t breathe properly”, “I’ve got piles”, “I’ve got a note from my mum excusing me from climbing Fuji today”, the guides reaction ranges depending on their experience from “ok, you can stay here if you like” to, “c’mon, give it a go, you’ve come along way & will feel better once you get outside”. Meanwhile we’re on our way to breakfast, it’s not much different to the Park Hyatt, just our salmon is raw not smoked & our egg is in a jellied block rather than delicately poached, oh & Jo can’t find the hollandaise sauce. After the quick breakfast stop Jo tries to convince the chubby London girl to get out of the paraffin fog & try for the summit before we gather our gear, stow what we don’t need in the spare bunk. Outside it’s windy but very mild, about 10C, good job we left our thermals behind. We’re joined by chubby girl & most of the malingering herd as we set off for the top.
It’s a pretty good pace & again seems like most are keeping up with our front crew, but the first stop after 45 mins sees the group starting to spread. Make a few more stops at abandoned huts & we really are spread out, I can’t see the next lot anywhere on the trail. By the time we arrive at the top hut we’re greeted with news that we’re pretty much all thats left. It’s fairly tough going & around 3,500m but not what you would call gruelling & other than a bit of wind conditions are perfect. Guess people didn't realise it wasn't just a walk in the park. It’s another 45 mins or so & we’re seeing statues & gates, soon after we arrive at the summit. A summit unlike the barren outcrops save for a cairn or little marker, this place has it’s own town, albeit a town closed for the off season, some French chap seems rather annoyed that if he came three weeks earlier he could be enjoying a cafe au lait & croissant at the top, but then at least he made it. We get some top hat & yeti hat summit photos, then go check out the crater, which is immense, has a shrine on one side & possibly with an underground lair at the bottom. It’s frightfully windy round here so we retreat to the main thoroughfare. So after our main group of 9 that arrived with Ray, another 5 turned up with Angelo, with 3 dropping out before we began, that’s 10 that either didn't set off or turned around some point on the trail (or were killed by ninjas).
Our group heads down with Ray for the gruelling but inevitable journey down the mountain. Soft sand & scree is relatively easy going but tiring nonetheless. About 2 hours to the overnight hut where we gather our stowed gear & regroup with the crew, not sure how many of the non summiteers are still around, maybe they’ve gone down already, maybe the ninjas got them. In any case its another hour & a half for us to arrive at 5th station where this all began about 24 hours ago, packed in quite a lot in that time & more to come. We celebrate with a local brew & a local mushroom pizza, collect our certificates & chat with our new friends. Finally time to hit the Tokyo road again as I start to think of getting all the way to Yudanaka as time marches on. It's about 90 mins to South Mims where we all gorge ourselves on Starbucks after being deprived of such basic human necessities for a whole day. It's another 45 mins or so back to Tachome station where we bid a fond farewell to our excellent guides & fun (if a little whiney) fellow trekkers.
So now we really must turn our attention from getting from the street outside Tachome station, back to the Park Hyatt, sort out our stuff & ourselves, get to the station & all the way to Yudanaka when it’s 4:30 already. First stop Park Hyatt where we head straight for reception, not really sure how inclined they will be to help us since we checked out a day ago. Sure enough the staff our falling over themselves, we tell them instantly we’ve already left but it seems to make no difference as they summon our luggage & take us round to the business centre to sort out our stuff. The delightful young lady that checked us out did indeed follow up on our shower request & has informed the spa we will be up shortly. Sort out our packs, trekking bag & cases with ultimate mammalian efficiency & we’re soon heading to the spa with our wash kit & clean clothes. All of a sudden we’ve gone from sweaty & smelly from the trail to refreshed & ready for the next leg of our mammoth day. We’re not out of the woods yet as I check on the Hyperdia app (for Japan Rail route planning) & it’s 4 connections from Shinjuku at stations I’ve never heard of. Quick check with the desk & they find a simpler route, albeit leaving form Tokyo station. Bit of a pain but not going to quibble at this stage, they also confirm the check in details & contacts for our destination hotel. Bid a fond au revoir to the wonderful Park Hyatt staff & jump into our sumptuous waiting Uber (I’ve never seen Toyotas like this anywhere else in the world). We’re soon pulling into Tokyo station with over an hour to go till our Shinkansen (bullet train), plenty of time to exchange our JR pass, which is right where super-Uber dude drops us. And everything seemed to be going so well……………our voucher was issued on 19 June & apparently expires 3 months after issue, which was yesterday. Now why this voucher has to expire, why they issued it with only days remaining when they knew my travel dates, why this can’t be extended when I’m in Japan are all somewhat moot because despite my call to the office in London, Jo pleading with the counter guy & the Dorris on his iPad, there’s nothing anyone can do. We can send the voucher back for a refund when we get home & we can get another JR pass now, so thats what we’re going to have to do. Dash to the other side of the station, have a moment of excitement that this lady might be able to sort out the voucher, alas not but we do get our tickets in super quick time. So now we have to dash to the platform, via Tokyo’s equivalent of Whistlestop (do they still have them in the UK?) for a handful of sandwiches & some water before arriving at the platform with 5 mins to spare. We’re not allowed onboard though as there is literally an army of cleaning ladies scrubbing everything in the carriage. At 19:22, 2 mins before departure they all file out & bow as we file on & find our seats, surely the legendary Japan Rail timekeeping will fail on our first experience. But no, we do indeed leave the station at 19:24.
Couple of short stops on the Tokyo outskirts as we scoff our packed lunch, then the train picks up to possibly supersonic speeds (difficult to tell as its dark), until we arrive at Nagano at 20:46 where we need to change. Bit of a faff working out which line & ticket office we need to find, it’s not JR, its not another rail operator, its the local underground network. Get our express ticket, rush to the platform, jump on the train bound for Shinshunakano, which concerns Jo as there’s no mention of Yudanaka. We ask the surrounding passengers, who bearing in mind we’re now well outside Tokyo, all scramble round with the best English they can muster & calling up train timetables on their phones. Seems they’ve cracked it, we change at Shinshunakano for the Yudanaka train, obvs. Ok, so it’s 30 mins, with a 2 min gap for the connection, but fear not the ticket inspector escorts us off the train & onto the one bound for Yudanaka. Ring Shibu hotel from the tube, he’ll be waiting for us at the station, which of course he is & its a short drive to our new home. This little ryokan (traditional Japanese accommodation) is charming as are the staff as they take us through the indoor & outdoor slippers, the indoor & outdoor baths (there’s a chap in the nud with a towel on his head in mine), then up to our room resplendent with futon beds & table on the floor matting.
Just time for another shower, cup of green tea before turning in 20 hours after getting up & 16 hours after being on the highest point of Japan
Gins guzzled - 10
Beers quaffed - 8
Sakes sank - 2
Wake up on the floor & for once its not the result of a drunken night out, we have become fully integrated into Japanese culture & may never be able to return to decadent Western excesses. Having said that it takes an awfully long time to drag out weary legs up from the futon & into something resembling standing up. Despite our sense of self righteousness at the relative ease in scaling Mt Fuji compared to our softer colleagues, our legs don’t half ache. We’ve just managed to get ourselves together when the phone rings to summon us for breakfast. I decide to head down to the traditional breakfast in traditional costume, Jo rolls her eyes when she sees me tackling the kimonos, “have you read the instructions, it’s frightfully complicated” she says, “of course not” I reply before arranging (what I consider) a beautiful national dress for the local man about breakfast. Anyhoo, with that done its time to embrace yet more of the Japanese culture. We’re greeted by a delightful young lady, also in national dress & are shown to our delightful little breakfast setting, pretty sure Jo is feeling out of place in her big nose leggings. We have little chairs (like when you go to parents evening) set at a low table on matted floor. Placed in front of us are a selection of Japanese delights, green tea, grilled salmon, rice, pickled things & mushroom things. Our lady serves us tea then retires to allow us to savour the fruits of the East.
With breakfast done we head up to the room where JT announces she's not feeling too well, bit of waterworks trouble. We start off with some Internet research (as all good diagnosis should), some horror stories of (mainly American) women who have been misdiagnosed & can’t find any effective treatment. Anyhoo, it has to be treated so we get everything together, passports, rail passes, Visa cards, pharmacy & cystitis in Japanese before heading off to find a solution. Tell reception we need a pharmacy, ah they exclaim, American Drug by the station, erm that will do. Manager is dropping some local guests at the station so we hitch a lift. Once in the drug store we show the cystitis character & without blinking the Dorris-San takes us to the tables & we’re done. Soon after Shibu hotel chap picks us up & takes us home, asking “you want to go to monkey park”, erm no mate, lets sort out why we went to the drug store first huh. Back in the room we realise neither of us really picked up the dosage from the pharmacy chapess, so I bring out my trusty Google translate, which tells us its either 5 tablets 3 times a day or 3 times a day for 5 days. I decide to go back downstairs to get a human translation. There’s only ancient grandma on the desk, I’m guessing she doesn’t speak any English, spot a young chap sorting out the slippers but he just looks at me, so ancient lady summons their main English speaking chap. Young strapping lad in a Jack Daniels T shirt arrives & tells me categorically it’s 5 tablets 3 times a day before food, great I can go back up & Jo can start taking them, but not quite yet. Ancient lady is jabbering away at Jack Daniels boy, he looks confused, then asks me if I want to go to see the monkeys, erm thanks but not right now mate. Ancient lady babbles some more, Jack Daniels boy again looks confused before announcing that monkeys aren’t there right now so probably best to go later, right good point, we’ll go later when there are monkeys & my missus is not peeing fire. Finally make it back to the room, JT takes her drugs & we have a little sit while they (hopefully) take effect.
JT is felling much better by lunchtime but not feeling like a big trip out we decide to explore the town. It's a little sad in the off season, rather ramshackle in places but interesting nonetheless. Climb up what seem a thousand steps with our legs to arrive at the the shrine of Heiwa-no-oka (deity of world peace), which is rather big & resplendent, especially in such modest surroundings. Head off on the walking trail which seems to take us through the derelict parts of town, including what seems to have been a cable car station, about 20 years ago. Also pass a primary school orchestra practicing Jurassic Park. Head back up through town, pass the random selection of pound shops & vast array of onsen baths, before climbing more stairs to check out more shrines, including to (I kid you not) the tobacco deity of long life. Ironically just a little further is an enormous graveyard, right in the middle of the street & rambling up the hill, its no Recoletta but there are some pretty impressive stones there. Having circumnavigated the town, it’s time to head back & hopefully find some lunch on the way, the traditional Japanese breakfast doesn’t fill you up like a Park Hyatt blow out. Trouble is there really is not much on offer, grab some buns from the bakery & are about to given in when we see a big sign for a coffee shop, offering snacks. Quite charming but doesn’t yield much more than a black coffee & a cup of tea. We’re about to hit the vending machines when we spot an off-licence, which has a fine array of iced coffees, crisps & things to tied us over.
Back home, JT has a giant wee & we settle down to lunch. Still feeling the effects we decide to have a little afternoon nap on our matting floor with the sun flooding through our paper screen blinds, it’d been quite romantic if either of us was feeling remotely in that direction. Have such a nap we rise to watch the sun setting over the mountains in the background. Drag ourselves to our feed & decide what our aching muscles need is a dip in a hot spring bath, so we don our kimonos & shuffle in our slippers into the private bath in the hotel. It’s a rather odd affair, mix of the very traditional bath with rusty old pipes bringing in the naturally hot spring water than runs under the town, with modern soap dispensers & a corner filled with children's bath toys. I’m about to stick my big nose toe in when JT shrieks I haven't washed! So we have to sit of the 10cm high stool washing ourselves with a flannel, making sure none of the water gets in the onsen. Once in its very warm & kinda relaxing if you forget about the natural spring bits that are floating in the water. To be fair its all very clean & I’m sure a whole lot better than a electrically heated chlorinated water, it’s just a bit odd to our Western ways (maybe not quite fully integrated). Feeling relaxed but rather hot we decide it’s time to jump out, wash nature off us & head out for the evening.
Dressed & changed we debate sushi or yakatori on the way out, sushi wins so we go next door. Tis a quaint but again rather odd place. You step up to the seating area, which is the floor with a low table in front of you, there’s two guys on the next table with a pile of Asahi bottles & the TV blaring out Japanese game shows. Bubbly chef chap doesn't speak much English but we navigate his picture menu for a section of sushi & a tuna bowl, pot of green tea & a bottle of sake. Food is very good, especially for a little place in an out of the way town & we enjoy it all immensely while chatting about our day, the trek & news from home. Settle up the reasonable tab & head into the side streets to check out if anyone really does go out in the evening dressed in their kimonos visiting the array of onsen baths, turns out they surely do. With that curiosity settled it’s time to settle down on our futon from home & get some shut eye.
Gins guzzled - 10
Beers quaffed - 8
Sakes sank - 3
Jump out of futon, up onto our slightly less weary legs ready for breakfast at shichi -han (7:30 to you big noses). Dressed in our kimonos & slippers, we shuffle down to the lift, mingle with the other Japanese on the way. We’re on the 2nd floor today, looks much nicer, bright & airy, with views over the surrounding rooftops. Usual array of intriguingly delicate dishes at the table, sweet fried fish (very nice actually), miso soup, rice, pickled seaweed, beans & tofu. Now I could happily eat Japanese food for lunch & dinner every day, for breakfast not so much. Then again, I’m sure the Japanese have cereal before work during the week & if I had pickled fish for a weekend brunch treat my middle wouldn't be expanding. Also means we’re not sitting round reading the papers & drinking endless coffee so we’re back up & ready for that monkey park trip they seem so keen to send us on. Mr Shibu loads us up & we’re soon en route for monkey mayhem. It's a short drive, then a bit of a hike along the trail through the woods, we’re the only ones here & it is utterly delightful. Quick through the ticket office & into the park ready to interact with our simian friends who line the path, older ones having a sit, mothers with babies clinging on, cheeky little ones running around fighting. Get some great shots on the way to the hot spring, which on a pretty mild day is not actually full of apes warming themselves. Quite a few around & about, frolicking, preening each other & generally just being monkeys. All of a sudden a bold young buck appears & throws himself in the spring, has a bit of a swim, sits on a rock, shakes himself off, sits in the sun, bit more of a preen, then leaps to the other side. Its all good fun, the monkeys are up close & personal, aren’t afraid of you but don’t both you either & certainly no begging for food. The school group we share the trip with are very well behaved too, go to a park like this in England & it can be difficult to separate the two. Get some great photos & video of the primates, river & waterfall before its time to bring the curtain down on this monkey paradise. Hike back out past another school group all saying konnichiwa, then on to the lovely little coffee shop Mr Shibu promised would call him to fetch us. Since we’re in here we might as well have a latte, which comes in a nice big mug, & a chocolate chip matte muffin, all very nice as is the cafe & indeed the young lady that teaches me some more Japanese. Eventually Mrs Shibu arrives, still in her kimono to whisk us away.
Mrs Shibu takes us to the station as we’re off on another jaunt, to Obuse, which I’ve read is a very traditional & old world Japaneseie. Say sayonara to Mrs Shibu & over to the ticket office, chap directs us to the machine, then appears out of a secret door like Mr McGoo (only Jo says Mr Miyagee), he directs us through the ticket machine operation, which is actually just 3 clicks & we’re done. Bonus we have the snow monkey express which goes straight to Obuse rather than change at Shinshunakano as we did on our way out. So after a very pleasant 20 mins journey through the countryside we arrive at our destination. Obuse is a little more modern than I was expecting, quite a few cafes & shops aimed at tourists (if not necessarily foreign), but it does have a museum dedicated to it’s most famous & our favourite Japanese artist, Hokusai. In fact it is very fitting since it was at his exhibition at the British Museum that we decided we must visit Japan & climb Mt Fuji that featured so prominently in many of his works. Anyhoo, wander up to the main thoroughfare which if not traditional is quite charming & onto the museum. The exhibition, from the introductory film, through his early manga sketches, through to his iconic pieces, “The Beauties”, “The Great Wave off Kanagawa”, ending with his murals in a magnificent dedicated display. Exit through the gift shop, which really has some good stuff, but alas unless we were going to create a Japanese themed room would look rather out of place, sensibly get some more modest trinkets. After all that culture it’s time to browse the tourist tat, get some gifts & Christmas decorations before heading back to the station as my Hyperdia app tells me there a snow monkey express back at 16:02. Rushing, we think its pretty acceptable to cross against the lights in this sleepy town but we’re caught by a bunch of school children who shriek at us, we feel bad for setting a bad example, they were probably saying “bad red devil's crossing on the red man”. Just time for a quick Viennese coffee outside the station before boarding our passage home.
Back in Yudanaka we decide to hike through town to the ryokan, which is quite pleasant & good to free up the legs. Quick pitstop in our room before it is once again onsen time, so don our kimonos, shower on the stool, hop in the hot spring, relax. Rinsed off & in our room for a quick change, we’re heading out to the yakatori bar we found in a leaflet. It’s a short walk up onsen street, where you never see anyone during the day but at night it is awash with kimono clad locals. Unfortunately yakatori literally just does beer & chicken on a stick, we fancy something a little more, which means either another trip to the sushi next door or back down to the station, it’s quite a pleasant evening so decide to stroll down to find something new. 20 mins down the dark Yundanaka streets we arrive at the first option, Hakon, don’t fancy it much so carry on another few mins to Goen by the station & its charming. No one inside but lively outside so go out to join the party. Review the menu & quite unusually for restaurants in Japan, they offer a section of favourites, sashimi, yakatori, tempura, etc. We plump for some assorted & pork belly yakatori, shrimp & sea bream tempura & a rather intriguing dish of scallops & mushrooms covered in cheese grilled in the shell, all very very good. I have my usual bottle of sake to myself, JT goes for the local brew, plum wine. Tis a delightful meal in a delightful little place, even bump into my new Japanese teacher.
Mostly avoid the evening showers for our walk home, then miss our turning in our dash as it picks up on onsen street. Kick off the flops, into the slippers & upstairs. Pack up what little we got out ready for a quick get away for our long journey tomorrow. JT was planning on a video call but seems the family were on the school run so dozes off waiting, then gives up & heads to futon. Maybe better luck over the weekend.
Gins guzzled - 10
Beers quaffed - 9
Sakes sank - 4
Plum wines poured - 1
Sorry for the delay Scott Jeffrey, may I recommend reading with a glass of Japanese IPA this evening.
Hop up off the floor & into our breakfast kimonos, ready for the 7:30 call which duly arrives & we’re off. Greeted by our kimono clad lovely as we’re shown to our private booth filled with fishy delights. Make short work of our grilled salmon & tofu this morning as want to be ready to catch our numerous connections for the long rail journey to Kyoto & hopefully catch some sights when we get there. Back in the room for a last pack, sit down to check the train timetables to find if we get our big nosed asses in gear we can catch the 8:48 from Yudanaka, which with better connections gets us to Kyoto at 13:30, two hours earlier than if we got the 9:24. So we do get our asses in gear, pay the bath tax at check out & chivvy up Mrs Shibu to load us into her Toyota for the station. We’re now old hands at the local ticket machine so we’re through & onto the waiting train in no time. Quick change at Shinshunakano & onto the main station at Nagano, where we have 20 mins to wait, or should I say 20 mins to get to the JR station, buy our tickets & get to the platform. Big queue in the JR office so send JT for the coffees while I buy the tickets, speaking only Japanese (amazing what you can do with three little words), lovely Dorris-San gives me tickets for the exact route I was expecting, change at Kanazawa, then onto the Thunderbird to Kyoto. Short wait until JT rushes towards me, coffees in hand, bit of a faff finding the right platform so it’s a bit of a dash but make the train with 1 minute to spare.
Arrive at Kanazawa to a live operatic performance of the aria from Madame Butterfly, guess we must be in Japan. Bit of a queue to get off the platform & work out where platform 2 is but make it to our waiting Thunderbird with a whole 5 mins to spare & time to take an iconic picture from the front of the bullet. Settle in our seats to watch the world go by & a brain surgeon going through his scans in the seat opposite. I’m pretty sure he had some brains in jars in his bag, quite possibly a bottle of windowlene & a hyperdermic needle too. Watch a BBC documentary about the divide of the Punjab during partition, quite interesting but a little confusing while you’re trying to immerse yourself into a different culture. Soon after we’re pulling into Kyoto dead on time, of course.
Hop off the Thunderbird, try to work out the best exit, we’re aiming for Harchijo, then the MK VIP taxi stand for the free ride to the Hyatt. Bit of a faff but we find it & we’re soon being whisked to our Kyoto home. It's a pretty quick trip, quick check in & we’re momentarily getting unpacked. Nice room, not as fancy smancy as the Park Hyatt in Tokyo but good to have a real bed for our soft Western bodies, oh & the lavatory has yet more functions, oscillate & remote flush, you need that. Good to have everything out of the cases again, feel more settled, so settled in fact it’s time for a little rest from our travels. Still not too long, there's another Japanese city to explore so out we head. Quick briefing from the Dorris-San on reception to get our bearings then we’re off, down to the river, then up towards old town. Not sure if we ever actually make it but there’s some interesting little streets nonetheless. It’s nowhere near the size of Tokyo, seems much more accessible than the big smoke where you have to break it down into districts, still bustling on a Saturday afternoon. Head across the river to the main shopping & eating area, time for a coffee stop in our favourite Japanese emporium, Excelsior Coffee. Definitely a favourite with this new almond hazelnut iced latte they have on offer. Grab a cookie for JT & a mini brownie for me, which comes with a little sachet of brown powder, I guess you can sprinkle on extra chocolate goodness if you’re so inclined. Consider sprinkling some on my latte too, when JT exclaims it says “do not eat”, thinking she’s pulling my leg I bite into the sachet coated brownie, “no!” she says “it really does say that!”, showing me the wrapper. Hmmm, it does taste rather bitter, maybe it’s one of those little packets to keep the moisture out. Anyhoo, scrape most of it off & devour the rest of the brownie regardless.Sufficiently rested & haven’t died yet so time for a bit more of a browse.
Take a look around the shops, then down the street next to the river filled with bars & restaurants until we wind around & back up the parallel street. Pause for a plan on the bridge when JT pipes up with a controversial plan, since we’re out, we might as well go out-out. Well it is 6 o/c, but I don’t have any trousers on (I mean I have shorts on, not that I’m wandering around Kyoto with my tackle out, scaring the locals). Ok, lets do it, lets have a drink & talk about it (as Adam and I would say). Back down riverside street we’re looking for a bar, find one called Miyama 162, which is upstairs, a bit of a dive & not on the river but hey ho. We sit at the bar at this fun little place, order a couple of local craft beers & watch a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert, must be from a few years ago as Anthony Kiedis is not looking so haggered. Chat a while, look at some local tattoo artists as JT fancies getting something while she’s here. Find a interesting place that has great artwork, specialising in white tattoos, drop him a fb message, so fingers crossed. Meanwhile the barman has overheard our band conversation & puts on his Radiohead video collection, so hang around for another beer & take in these classic tracks. Meanwhile Jo has spotted a group of young chaps she wants to invite to the bar, turns out they’re Finns (she must have a 6th sense), before I can say I’ll get my coat, she is surrounded by strapping Scandawegians as she drains every last drop before wiping her chin & calling it a night. Head on from here to a little steak place down the road, looked really good but again cosy. They manage to squeeze us onto a little table by the bar & we’re set with a couple more beers. Decide to order the Kobe filet & sirloin with a few sides. JT reports back from the loo, apparently it sings to you, I’m not sure that is an essential function. Chat to a new Japanese friend at the bar, he’s at university here, loves football & rugby, keeps apologising for his English, which is a million times better than my Japanese of course. Meanwhile in this time our food has arrived, so no matter how nice & interesting he is, I must get to dinner before JT devours even more meat than she’s had already this evening. The Kobe steak, especially the sirloin is unbelievable.
With Jo now filled to the gills with top grade beef, it’s time to settle up & call it a night. While quite expensive for a simple little place, it wasn't far off the quality of Seryna in Tokyo. Head back over the bridge & along the river which is so popular on this warm autumn evening. Down to the tow path, past the young lovers, past the fishermen (bird & human), dodge the array of runners & cyclists & we’re back on our street. Feeling a little tired & rather squiffy, decide to call it a night.
Beers quaffed - 15
Gins guzzled - 10
Sakes sank - 4
Plum wines poured - 1
Lavatory functions - 8 (heated, spray, bidet, soft, power deodoriser, remote flush, oscillator, singing)
Scott, I recommend a Hibiki Japanese whiskey with the blog this evening.
Feeling tired this morning, go for the record number of snoozes before finally dragging our lazy asses out of bed. Shower & freshen up, then head down for the long awaited proper blow out buffet breakfast. It’s not as smart or as stylish as the Park Hyatt, rather noisier & the buffet not quite as resplendent but I think we’ll make do. JT finds some excellent freshly carved grilled ham to go with her omelette, she recommends it to the craggy old Ozzie on the table next to us. Other than that, it’s the usual delights & I do my best to drain their coffee supplies. We’re next to an odd assortment of Americans (is there any other kind), they refer to CS a few times but we can’t quite get what they’re saying to call the compliance hot line. Right our scoffing & snooping done, it’s time to head upstairs to finish planning our day on the bed.
Since we’re in the city of a thousand temples, we had better make a start on seeing them. Wander down to the river on this warm autumn morning, then through the back streets to old town & into Ryosoku-In temple grounds. It is a lovely tranquil & photogenic place with evergreen Japanese pine trees framing the temple buildings. See a few monks around the place, lots of girls out for the weekend in their kimonos, as we have observed is the way for pretty young things. Out onto the streets of old town, interesting yet now familiar streets lined with restaurants & shops, with the odd shrine dotted here & there. Ends at the main thoroughfare where we head up to the Yasaka shrine, but first a iced latte stop at the big nosed Starbucks while watching the people go by. Sufficiently cooled it’s a short walk down the street, up the steps & through the resplendent red gates. This also has lovely grounds, a lovely collection of buildings & is overflowing with delicate little kimono clad things. They mostly seem to be quite young, in little flocks, giggling & constantly taking selfies, I reckon it’s some new en trend thing. We get some great shots of the girls & the temples, trying to align & combine them when we can, while other more brash tourists either herd them or point their camera straight at them. Rather more big noses round here than we’re been used to, seems to be popular with ageing Ozzie hippies. In any case we get some nice photos & it’s all good fun. We grab some grilled things on the way out, even though it’s tipping 30C, JTs pork belly on a stick is quite good, my local pancake delicacy is disappointing.
Back down the main street to the bridge that separates new from old town. Into new town we find a series of arcades full of local stores, tourist shops & the occasional global brand - Lush, Body Shop & Zara seem popular. Get some cool presents, kinda hard to keep track of what we’ve got for whom, guess some kids are going to be happier than others. Speaking of kids, a group of Japanese school girls (alas dressed in actual, rather than cosplay, school uniform), they want to know all about my big nose & what I’m doing here. Get my photo taken too, so will probably be on every school girls wall by tomorrow. After that grilling, it’s time for a almond iced coffee in Excelsior Coffee. Refreshed we head down to the local train that runs along the river, then a short walk back to the Hyatt. Little rest, shower & get glammed up for another night on the town.
Shun the three stops on the train, for another walk along the river, which really is quite a walk. Back to the street along the river, aiming to find a bar that actually has river views, fail again, if you can call stumbling into a whiskey & jazz bar in Kyoto a fail. I have my staple G&T while JT goes for a Singapore Sling in her endless search for the perfect cocktail. We’re soon joined by an English group where one of the ladies sidles up & offers me a smoke as she downs a shot of whiskey, she wasn't my type up until that point. Turns out she went to the same school as JTs sister, what a small world huh (but explains the drinking & smoking). Manage to give Beaverwood bird the slip as it’s past dinner time & we’ve worked up a bit of an appetite. Back out onto the back alleys & round to the rather nice cook it yourself joint that was on our short list from last night. Shown to our little booth, given a couple of beers as we attempt to work out how this all works. Order some raw starters, steak tartar for me, steak sashimi for the missus. We’re then given a plate of meat & a plate of seafood to cook to our liking on the gas furnace in the middle of our table. We steer clear of the offal, sticking to the steak & short rib, while nowhere near the quality of last night are still pretty good. Prawns are tricky but fun, scallops are not to be undercooked so end up making them a bit rubbery, white fish is good though.
Suitably fed & watered it’s time to head home, past the girlie bars, down to the riverside & the riverside train then onto the now familiar home stretch. Have a potter, catch up on news from home, then JT falls asleep working on the Sainsbury's order, so must be time for bed.
Beers quaffed - 16
Gins guzzled - 14
Sakes sank - 4
Singapore Slings slung - 1
Plum wines poured - 1
Big nose index - 34 per 1,000
Lavatory functions - 8 (heated, spray, bidet, soft, power deodoriser, remote flush, oscillator, singing)
Today Scott, I recommend a nice cold Asahi with all the lights in the house on & get Callum to turn the bathroom light off & on constantly.
Right I’m up at 7 & am finally dragging my lazy big nose out for a run. Into the kit I’ve carted around Japan, run out & down to the river, which is lovely & popular with joggers & cyclists in the relatively cool early morning. Run up past our old town bridge & back down again, counting 8 bridges in total. About 35 mins so I reckon about 6 or 7 km. Back in the room for a cooling shower, complete my ablutions & ready to join JT for a well earned breakfast. Make plans for today as we scoff, we’ve been rather relaxed this trip, apart from moving cities, just making up a plan as we go, most unlike us. Decide we’re heading for Osaka today, a short trip on the excellent Japan Rail.
Grab a map of Osaka on our way up to the room & have a final plan before I announced there’s an express train at 11 o/c so we need to leave now. Even at 10:30 that’s a tad ambitious as we need to get to the station, buy our JR tickets, find the platform & board. It’s touch & go when we arrive at Kyoto station but the large, slow moving queue settles it. Get one at 11 mins past, which is actually a bit punchy when you need to find the platform, so tight we jump straight on & work our way down to our carriage.
30 mins later we’re pulling into another station & another city. As we’re getting up JT realises she doesn’t have her phone, through process of elimination we figure it must have fallen out in the cab, just shows, always do a look back. A hasty call to the Hyatt from the platform & their call to the cab company & at least we know it's safe & will be waiting for us when we return home. First stop is the castle which handily is on the JR loop which means we can use our passes, plus we don’t even need to buy a ticket. Give up my seat to an older Japanese lady on the train by saying sumimasen & gesture towards the seat, little awkward as she doesn’t seem to want to accept it, not sure whether she’s being polite or just doesn’t want to sit down, in the end I wrestle her into the seat, she seems grateful. Get off at Morinomiya station in the bright, warm Osaka sun where we can see the castle on the hill, looks a fair walk from here. Tis indeed a fair walk & a lot of steps but lovely grounds & is indeed a lovely day. Apparently the castle was rebuilt, authentically from the outside but all modern on the inside so just content ourselves with external shots & save ourselves the time & expense of a ticket. Bit of a debate about which station is closest, settle on the business district, which is again a bit of a schlep over the moat, through the grounds & across the canal but we get there in the end. Now another ticket machine to negotiate. This one seems to charge by fare, rather than destination, think we’ve worked that out but can’t seem to get it to issue our ticket, so an old cleaner chap comes & bails us out.
Jump off at Den-den, the mecca of all things electronic & manga. It's a little unassuming, even a little bleak in the hot afternoon sun, was kinda expecting malls dedicated to specific consumables or themes but its rows & rows & rows of independent shops sells all sorts of gear, from motors for domestic appliances to soft porn manga & literally everything in between. It’s so vast & so hot we decide to stop for an iced coffee in a little place called Color Anna to develop a plan. Cooled & watered, but without a clear plan we head back out & decide to just head into anything we fancy. First up is a manga shop, wonderful artwork on pretty much everything imaginable, all of girls with the trademark huge eyes, basically in the categories of nice innocent artwork of girl in kimono, to rather saucy buxom girls, to really inappropriate little girls, Stacey Dooley would not be impressed. Next door is a similar place but focused on teen pop idols, mainly cartoon boy bands, stickers, CDs, models, dolls, everything you can imagine, on a weekend you couldn’t move for pubescent girls, hmmm next to a shop that specialises in teenage girl fantasy, maybe best not to think about that too much. Cary on further down & into geek heaven. Computer games, game consoles, giant water cooled gaming PC cases, chairs & whole set ups with racing seat, pedals, steering wheel & giant screen. Lose myself in Forza Horizon 3 on the full set up, I really could have stayed here all day. Alas we only emerge with a few peripherals. Next shop is 6 floors of everything, games, models, comics (2 floors of rentals) & DVD. I ask if they have the Metal Gear Solid model Scott D is after & the original Japanese version of The Ring, but they don’t have either. Next up (& my head is spinning just writing about it) is another colossal store selling everything from matchbox cars, to vintage toys, to guitars, film posters & much much more. Not surprisingly the afternoon has disappeared & we’ve hardly scratched the surface of this labyrinth of electronic wonder, every store is like waking up from the matrix to see rows & rows of towers, wiring & people plugged in.
We jump back on the tube & up to Amer mura, an area of pop culture popularised after the war with American influences, now it's like a mini version of Camden Town, before all the cool shops were taken over by chain stores, the real vintage clothes shops turned their attention to bespectacled, beardy hipsters & they kicked the punks off the bridge by Stables Market. All the street lights are in the form of stickmen & every street is lined with kooky shops, restaurants & bars. It’s early evening now & the dusky light makes for great photos. Duck into a little cafe where everyone is smoking (say what you like it’s still cool), the barman is making a cheesecake at he bar & they serve an excellent macchiato. Wander down past the Statue of Liberty, through Alice in Wonderland, past the love hotels, across the canal & into Dotonbori. Dotonbori makes Times Square look like Romford on a drizzley Tuesday afternoon in January, every building has giant neon signs filling every space from top to bottom, down the whole street & for every street as far as your eyes could see, that is if they hadn’t been blinded with all this generating twice the power of the sun. It’s around 7 o/c & our schedule calls for dinner, but where the heck do you choose where everywhere is screaming so loudly for your attention. The wriggling giant crab, the huge inflatable puffer fish, the dragon, the anime girls, it goes on & on. Decide to stop in a BBQ on your table place, just because we can’t decide. Just go for the meat this time, it’s all good & a very efficient stop.
Final stop of our whistle stop tour of this wonderfully mad city, is the Umeda sky building which is a couple of tube stops away. Bit of a hike & surprising you can’t see it from the station, but there’s a lot going on as I might have said. Make it round & up to the 35th floor observation area. Like Tokyo, you’re short of iconic buildings to focus on but maybe because it isn’t as tall, you seem to be able to see a lot more from here & the views look more impressive. Up from here is the outdoor observation deck & it is delightful to be outside on such a lovely evening. Get some more great shots, selfies & panoramas before it’s time to head back down stairs & make our way to the main station.
Buy our tickets & with 20 mins to spare decide to get a coffee for the journey. Big Bucks doesn’t seem to move so settle for the 7/11 coffee kiosk. Settle in our seats with plenty of time, we watch the train winding out of the metropolis before relaxing in through the dark countryside. We pull into Kyoto & make our way to the door just as our camp guard comes looking for us to make sure we haven't got lost. Head out into the mild Kyoto evening, JT fancies having a night cap on the way home (what have I done ?!) but alas all the little bars on the side of the road have long since closed as it’s gone 11pm. Back home we kick our things off, shower & climb into bed. Gosh that was a lot to fit into one day.
Beers quaffed - 18
Gins guzzled - 14
Sakes sank - 4
Singapore Slings slung - 1
Plum wines poured - 1
Big nose index - 24 per 1,000 (Osaka)
Lavatory functions - 8 (heated, spray, bidet, soft, power deodoriser, remote flush, oscillator, singing)
A mellower read today Scott, perhaps with a martini & a bit of jazz playing in the background.
Alarm goes off at 7 & I immediately form the logic that since we walked our big noses off yesterday I can avoid having a run, so I hit snooze. Eventually drag ourselves up, wash & brush up then down to breakfast. Usual delights, JT goes for the eggs & ham, she says “do you like eggs & ham”, I say “I do not like them, I do not like eggs & ham” but she keeps on so eventually I say “if you will let me be, I will try them, you will see”, sure enough though “I do like them, I do like eggs & ham”. Moving onto the pastry course while a gaggle of pantomime geishas appeared around the restaurant, at least one is definitely a man (which is fine), he also has an upturned nose, like a Who. JT, who has become a Geisha stalker goes over to the giggling middle aged Wapanese trannies & herds them into a photograph, turns out quite well. In between Dr Seuss moments we manage to plan our day, we’re off to the bamboo forest & Fushimi Inari-taisha shrine, but first a little post breakfast rest.
Grab a taxi to the main station, then a JR line train about 20 mins out to Arashiyama. Bit of a hike through town, which is nice with a few little shops, not too touristy. First up there’s the Tenryuji temple which has stunning grounds, especially across the carp filled lake. Stroll around the grounds but don’t bother paying for separate entry to each of the half a dozen or so different temples, would be nice but we would end up just wandering round for the sake of it. Now we come to the bamboo forest. It’s delightful & interesting in its totality, although not really very photogenic in isolation. Have a wander through amidst the crowd until we come to a cross roads, I spy a good photo opportunity, up a tree. Satisfied with my works I clamber down for some Ozzie woman to say to me “so you’re another stupid Australian”, well yes dear, but how did you know, ah she’s been talking to Jo. Got a little lost on the way out, ended up back in the bamboo forest but on a different track, one that is inhabited by Geishas, some in rickshaws, some just wandering around being lovely. Stalker Malster is in her element, hiding in the undergrowth with bamboo twigs in her hair, like the Viet Cong, ready to let off a salvo of shots at the unsuspecting kimono queens. Finally lure JT out of the bamboo jungle with the promise of an ice cream, which I deliver as promised a mango sorbet & tofu combo to cool down on yet another scorching day in the Japanese islands. Little browse through town, then back on the ever efficient JR to Kyoto station.
Feeling generous I get JT a big nose Starbucks while we listen to their Smiths soundtrack which plays throughout the caffeine pushers empire out here. In return Jo graciously allows me to roam the giant electronic store next door. Head down to look at keyboard iPad covers - hmm they have Japanese characters, should have seen that coming; iPhone covers - there are literally a million of them in row after row, sadly nothing says Japan to me; lightning cable - cause the lovely cable JT bought in Osaka was USB; power bank - yep, never have enough of those. Also look for the Japanese version of the Ring, the chap looks very excited & rushes to the section, but alas no. More browsing but no more buying, then we’re off for the 20 min walk home.
Little flomp in the room before getting showered & ready for our trip out this evening, we’ve asked concierge for sushi tips, so we’re off to Kappa Sushi on Pontocho street. But first, a pre dinner drink in Hello Dolly whiskey & jazz club. Get seated at the bar for a martini & a Singapore Sling while we listed to Miles Davis with the crackle of vinyl. Lose ourselves for a while so it’s 9 o/c by the time we’re heading for dinner, but it’s only a short walk. Get seated at the bar, chat to the couple next to us, he’s American but stayed with a family in Romford while he was at university & is a big Irons fan, he’s also done very well for himself, his Korean missus is stunning (I made a move on her while he was in the bathroom). Sushi is soft, delicate & delightful of course, without showing up our favourites at home too much. While the much admired fatty tuna is excellent, our favourite is the salmon & the eel.
Time to catch the tube, then the short walk up the hill to the Hyatt. Stop to chat with a Japanese chap outside the hotel, he’s desperate to talk about rugby & football but is struggling to muster enough English, my Japanese doesn’t add much but it is a good conversation nonetheless. Finally upstairs & ready for beddybyes.
Beers quaffed - 19
Gins guzzled - 16
Sakes sank - 5
Singapore Slings slung - 2
Big nose index - 34 per 1,000
Lavatory functions - 8
Good evening Scott, perhaps a bottle of sake with today’s read
Alarm is at 7 but is snoozed so much it’s more like 7:30 by the time we drag our big noses up. Listen to John Kenedy’s Tuesday night exposure session, which is a lot better than Chris bloody Moyles breakfast show, discover a rockin new indie band Estrons. Freshen up & pop down to breakfast, its poached eggs with their wonderful smoked salmon today. All this late night drinking is catching up with the novice JT, she’s struggling this morning so demands a proper after breakfast snooze. I potter while Jo snoozes, then we make plans for today. We would have needed to make a very early start to have a crack at Hiroshima, Nara is an option but it’s 45 mins away & we’ve seen more giant Buddhas in our time than you can shake an incense stick at, so it’s Daigo-Ji temple just south of the city centre for us. Amble down to the station at the end of the road, then onto the riverside tube to our destination.
Hop off at Daigo station, walk through town which is awash with tourist tat shops, perfect as we’ve become quite obsessed with souvenirs from this magical land. Walk up the hill (temples are always on top of hills), lovely red buildings protected by rather mean looking stone foxes. I get some arty shots of the temple, stalker Malster is in her element as there are kimono clad lovelies in all directions, she even manages some posed photos & whatever her methods we do have some exquisite pictures of these photogenic creatures. Now its time for the maze of Tori gates that meanders 4km up the hill. It is a zoo at start with everyone vying for that perfect shot of the red posts winding round with not a soul in sight, which is all rather futile but you can get some decent photos if you’re prepared to be patient. Posts & lazy tourists thin out as we climb further up, each section offering new photo opportunities which slows us experienced climbers down more so than the steep incline on such a warm, muggy day. There are plenty of mini shrines & (we think) gravestones along the way, plenty of cafes & tat shops too filled with red sweaty tourists panting like they were climbing Fuji. Make it to the top where there is a larger shrine & gravestones littered with mini Tori gates, we ponder if its a greater honour to be buried up here where your relatives have to brave the climb to pay their respects. Right with yet another peak conquered it’s time to jog down, pausing occasionally when I spot an alcove or arty spider shot but we’re soon back through the temple & into town. Have a massive shop for yet more trinkets & Adam’s last minute requests for Vanessa.
It’s raining as we get to the station so I renege on my promise to get JT an ice cream, she’ll have to wait till Maccy D outside the station. Buy our tickets but our train is on the opposite platform, contemplate ducking under the level crossing but we’be all seen those adverts. Gates come up pretty quick & we make a dash to safely make it to the train. Pop into the Golden Arches but they don’t seem to do sundaes here so it’s an Amazon coffee on the way & a kit Kat in the room for our treat. Have to do a bit of housekeeping on the iPad to make room for the photos, apparently theres some really complex way to free up space from podcasts, which I really can’t be bothered with.
Wrestle JT off the bed as she wants to see the Geisha dance they put on in reception, that is a real Geisha not some Dorris in a kimono. It's rather elegant & pretty but 15 mins is about enough for me, get some lovely shots of the diminutive princess. Head straight out, determined to get an early start on our last night in Kyoto. First stop is the shopping mall for some more discerning presents before Pontocho street for pre dinner drinks. We find the brother pub to the craft beer place we went to on our first night, they’re playing the same Chilli Peppers video too. Order beers 4 & 5 which are very dark, mine is like the coffee flavoured one that Jeff had when I was in Raleigh, silly big noses thinking all beers 4 & 5 will be the same, still nice enough & crafty. Next up we’re heading for Grow, the teppanyaki place we saw but didn’t go to in Tokyo on our first night here. It’s a nice little place downstairs on the main drag, there are a few in here so hop up to the bar & order one of the set meals, along with a beer & a sake. Raw beef starters are excellent, so are the delicately cooked scallops. Main course of Kobe beef is fine, while not reaching the heights of Seryna or the steak & wine place we went to on our first night here. Drain our drinks & finish up with a sorbet, before back to our favourite Hello Dolly bar for a night cap. Shock of shocks though, Dolly is full, but do find the nice looking Bar Atlantis, which finally has tables overlooking the river…..just as it starts raining. Finish our drinks inside where JT, who has clearly had too much to drink, is obsessed with the perfectly spherical ice cube she has in her Kahlua. Drag the young lady out before she saturates my social media with photos of these magic balls.
It’s a short walk through the Kyoto drizzle to the station where we sponge 10 Yen off the chap next to us to buy our tickets home. Thankfully the drizzle has ended for the walk up to the Hyatt, where it’s time to roll JT into bed & turn in.
Beers quaffed - 22
Gins guzzled - 16
Sakes sank - 6
Singapore Slings slung - 2
Kahluas drunk - 2
Big nose index - 34 per 1,000
Lavatory functions - 9 (heated, spray, bidet, soft, power deodoriser, remote flush, oscillator, singing, optional music)
May I suggest a glass of red wine with today’s read Scott. Thank you Hemant, glad you are enjoying, there are so many amazing things to photograph here.
In an amazing display of strength we manage to get up with only 1 snooze of the alarm. Washed & down to breakfast which is heaving & noisy, no room at the table for us so we’re banished to the coffee bar, which is actually away from the hullabaloo & very handy for endless coffee. JT has the eggs & ham again while I devour the last of their smoked salmon. Read the news to find Hugh Hefner has past away at 91, guess those bunnies need to consoling, I know just the fella. Quick chill from the morning feeding exertions before hitting the packing. While we packed pretty light, that extra room we allowed has long since disappeared with the volume of presents & souvenirs but we get the cases closed nonetheless. Quick check out & onto the station, impressive the driver always goes to the right part of the station depending on where you’re going, today we’re at the main entrance a few metres from the JR Shinkansen.
Bit of a queue & since our JR pass has expired I attempt the ticket machines. All goes well but it will not take either of our Visa cards so return to JT in the human queue, which actually goes pretty quickly & we’re soon booked on the next high speed expires to Tokyo, which will arrive exactly on time & cover 550km in just over 2 1/2 hours. Grab a coffee on the way, 10 minute wait before our super sleek bullet train arrives. Jump on board, stow our cases then settle down to write the blog while JT catches some flies. While away an hour or so with our respective tasks, so about an hour to go, not worth watching anything so we return to our little pottering, Jo’s looking at the window snapping away on her iPhone, I’m listening to music & having a game. Soon enough we’re pulling into Tokyo station.
It was a bit of a long taxi ride when we headed out so decide to get the JR line round to Shinjuku, ask at the counter, they say no share & direct us to platform 2. Jump on the express & 4 stops later we’re pulling into our familiar station home. Bit of a faff getting out to this station colossus, end up in a department store rather than the taxi rank at the west exit. Can't face going back in so we take the long way round to the west side. Find our cab, 5 mins or so & we’re welcomed back to the Park Hyatt like the long lost explorers we are. Shown to our fine park view room with dual aspects views of Tokyo, almost seems a waste not to spend every last minute in here. Arrange our pick up for 9:30 tomorrow morning but BA says they need to check our documents at the airport before issuing our boarding passes, hmm but we have British passports, ho hum.
After a very reserved potter in the room, it’s time to get ourselves together, we’re off to Roppongi to meet Christine for some pre-dinner drinks before returning to our favourite Seryna. We want to pop into the bookshop in Shinjuku station on the way, oh & I’m supposed to get some pictures of used panties for Ed (just for his curiosity I’m sure). It’s raining & the taxis queue is long so we opt for the shuttle bus to the station. 10 min wait & we’re herded into the shuttle & soon on our way on this wet but muggy evening. Shuttle drops us at some random part of the station but through skill & teamwork we manage to navigate a route through the station & come out inside the bookshop. It is, not surprisingly difficult to find a book in Japanese when you don’t speak Japanese, so we grab some girl who immediately knows what we’re on about, shoes some customers aside who think their in a library, rummages through some draws & comes up with the goods. Back into the station we jump on the tube, one change, half a dozen stops & we’re there. Again we manage to navigate through the station & connecting malls to arrive at the Oat Door Bar in the Hyatt. Immediately spot Chicktong at the bar & give her a huge hug & kiss. Bit of a faff over chairs but we’re soon ordering drinks, G&T for me & a raspberry martini for JT. Chat with Christine & David about our travels in Japan & their impending nuptials. I graciously offer our presence, JT suggests it sounded more like wedding crashers, in any case Sydney in March will be lovely I’m sure. So after another round of drinks (which David generously insisted on paying for), we’re late for our reservation, so say our tearful goodbyes, ring Seryna to say we’re stuck in traffic (but I think they could smell the gin on my breath), then jump into a cab for the short hop to the restaurant. Sat the the teppanyaki bar, JT immediately orders a bottle of Malbec, while we choose one of their excellent set meal, a variation on the one we had last week. All courses are wonderful of course, the steak I’m sure is just as magical as last time but I’m a little too drunk to enjoy the same. JT, while rather squiffy herself, is not too squiffy to spot I had missed a bit of crispy fat as she hoovers it up. Finishing desert we notice we are the only ones left, JT is feeling awkward, I tell her the staff are just happy to see two people enjoying themselves (this is a conversation I’ve had many times).
Bill settled, we’re out on the street debating a nightcap, chap comes up tempt us into a girlie bar, Jo his me on the head with her umbrella, chap says fair enough, I order the Uber. Pick up is back at Seryna which is now in complete darkness, guess they were waiting for us to leave. Tis again an interesting ride across town through the Tokyo wonders of neon lights, skyscrapers, bridges & tunnels. Back at the Park Hyatt we stagger upstairs, into our room, where JT passes out face down in bed with her glasses on & phone in hand.
Beers quaffed - 22
Gins guzzled - 20
Sakes sank - 6
Malbecs savoured - 2
Singapore Slings slung - 2
Kahluas drunk - 2
Big nose index - 21 per 1,000
Lavatory functions - 9 (heated, spray, bidet, soft, power deodoriser, remote flush, oscillator, singing, optional music)
Good afternoon Scott, may I recommend a couple of aspirin with today's blog.
Alarm goes off all the way over on the desk which helps to drag my hungover big nose out of my drunken pit. Into the shower to wake up & freshen up, feel surprisingly human after. Pack the case up with the the little we got out last night & this morning, then it’s time for our last breakfast in Tokyo & we want to make the most of it. Shown to our booth & provided with Tera & coffee by the ever subtle, ever elegant , ever lovely Park Hyatt people. Juice & bircher is followed with their delightful eggs benedict, with extra salmon & capers on the side. Read the papers, BBC news & social media while we will time to stand still. It doesn’t so go for the next best thing, pastries, which are of course delicious as I drain the last of Tokyo’s coffee supplies. So just time for a mini rest before checkout while we wait for the cases to be collected. 9:30 comes & are cases are still here & no word from the pickup up so leave JT to wait for the porter while I go to check out. Meet JT on the way down where there is no sign of the “Rideaway” chap, message them, ring them but nothing so by 9:45 make the decision to get a cab from the hotel.
Loaded up & on our way out of the city, should be 90 mins which will be a little late for the our 12:55 flight but then the planes delayed as well so should all work out. Jo & I are feeling a bit tense through the city but relax a bit more as we get on the motorways which are all pretty clear. It’s 11 o/c as we pull onto the airport roads & we’re at the check in desk by 11:10. Check in is smooth, as is the fast track security & passport control where there is about 6 people, including us. Have a browse of the shops, pick up a few trinkets & some green tea kit kats, sake & Japanese gin before retiring to the lounge. Squeeze in a couple of glasses of sake & a plate of sushi before it’s time to board, which we do as we’re ushered through, past a couple of moany old blokes & into our seats. Settled for take off then up, up & away. JT & I debate of menu & film choices before getting settled into the space thriller Live, pre-lunch drinks & a rather nice meal. Film is good, JT says she guessed the twist at the end, I did not. Dinner is good, Japanese starters, JT goes for the seafood linguine while I stick with the keep the faith with the wagu beef, which is rather good for a plane, no sake so have a cheeky Bordeaux.
Decide to have a little rest after dinner, not that we’re feeling tired mid afternoon Japan time but best to try to get into the zone. Don't really sleep so when I see JT pottering I decide to drag myself up & have a chat about film choices. We decide to hit Hacksaw Ridge & it is an enthralling epic & astonishing true story. Saw what you like about that anti-colonial buffoon Mel Gibson, he does make a good film with a religious theme (just as long as it’s not Jewish). With a hour & a half to run its afternoon tea with a fishy theme of prawns, octopus & salmon while watching a documentary about a treasure hunter following a lead from one of the Mercury astronauts. It’s very interesting & I get quite into it but it’s just the first part & don’t have time for another one, will have to see if I can find it on Discovery. Touch down at T5 just about on time, making up the delay on the way out. Take the subterranean route to avoid the masses, passport control is not bad but as usual the machine doesn’t work for JT. Have quite a frustrating wait for our cases as we see all the ordinary cases come round, Dorris next to us is fuming by the time her case comes along with ours, has a rant about the appalling service on the flight, which we thought was ok. I pick up the car while JT gets the coffees, as is our way, & we’re on our way to fight through the Friday evening traffic on the M25. Just as well as it's a gruelling 2 1/2 marathon on the London orbital, finally pull in home at 8:30.
Get in, get unpacked & settle down to finally watch Lost in Translation, dreaming I was back in Tokyo…with Scarlet Johansson
Beers quaffed - 22
Gins guzzled - 22
Sakes sank - 7
Champers - 6
Martinis - 3
Sex on the Beaches slugged - 3
Malbecs savoured - 2
Singapore Slings slung - 2
Kahluas drunk - 2
Cosmos - 1
Plum wines poured - 1
Geishas gazed - incalculable
Big nose index - 19 per 1,000 (overall average)
Lavatory functions - 9 (heated, spray, bidet, soft, power deodoriser, remote flush, oscillator, singing, optional music)
Usual pre holiday manic time in work, JT didn’t finish until 11:30 last night while I chat with Adam & drive Craigie home to Romford from the Wharf, he’s off to Luxembourg tomorrow don’t you know. Fast forward to Wednesday morning, I have volunteered to take the munchers to school, but first a quick hug with Kayla. Make it to Grays in time, load these smart young things into the car before realising I have no idea where they go to school these days, work it out the way to Georgia’s convent school, Callum & I find Aveley between us & soon enough he’s hoping off with his football under his arm. Pop home to pick up JT then meet Rach in our favourite Le Moulin for our traditional pre-Japan French breakfast. We’re chatting away with my chatty daughter (where does she get it from) when I notice Jo tapping on her watch, my gosh its 11 o/c, we really must be going if we want to catch our 15:45 flight. Quick Whiz round at home, off at 12, splash & dash at the Texaco then we’re on the M25 before you know it. Listen to Ellis & John on the podcast, my dear John Robbins was an angst ridden twentysomething in his day.
Make record daylight time as we’re pulling into valet parking just after 1pm. Pick up our currency, checked in by the delightfully charming Conrad, chat to Damon Hill at security (polite but not engaging), then safely ensconced in the Concorde Room. I’m somewhat embarrassed to say that 1:30pm is a little early for a martini so switch to G&T before moving onto a Bordeaux with our excellent burger lunch, needless to say JT sticks with the champagne. Chat to a lovely older Irish couple who are heading to Beijing before Japan, until our flight is boarding. Quick trot to A10, then a bizarre 10 minute journey via bus & stairs to arrive 20m from where we started. Still once on board we’re settled with our cabin crew & champagne, Jo magnanimously tells me I’m free to flirt as much as I like with the all male crew before taunting me with the First Officer seated next to her. Taxi is quick as we head for runway 27R, as predicted with a surface wind of 8kts from 280, then we’re straight into the climb, the cruise and the G&Ts.
More gin is served as we climb & settle into Red Sparrow. While it is complex & gritty in places, it doesn’t match the style of Atomic Blonde and while Jenifer Lawrence is hot, doesn’t match the sex appeal of Charlene Theron (but who does, well apart from Scarlet Johansen but don’t even get me started there), albeit Jennifer, if you’re reading this, I would. Dinner is good, decent steak & Bordeaux, the salt beef croquettes are wonderful. With our Russian heroine victorious, its time to get our beds made up & settle down for the night
Thank you everyone for your well wishes, wonderful to have you with us. Ok, ok Tubs, we will come stay with you in SLC, I’m sure we can put up with the amazing scenery, adventures & wonderful company for a while.
Just planning on a couple of hours kip, so a trifle surprised when JT gives me a shove with 1 hour to run, must have been more like 6 hours. Not too much tossing in there either. Right so just time to wolf down the full English breakfast, wash up & change into our civvies before we land in Narita. Quick jog off the plane, JT leads us to passport control that has some strange queue thing, I decide this can’t be for us so duck under the barriers & find the fast lane, ah thats better. Delightful chap checks our details then onto an even more delightful lovely who’s stamps our passports & compliments my hat, I promise to bring her one next time & you know what, I think I might. Navigate our way through the terminal to find the Skyliner ticket office, which we do & plot our route to Tokyo station. Bit of a wait for the next train so top up supplies that we won’t use & wait patiently on the platform. Soon enough our airport express train arrives & we’re being whisked towards the teaming metropolis at (probably) 300km/h. We have a bit of a debate where to change, JT is under the impression we’re staying in Roppongi, we’re not so we change at Ueno, then a few stops to Tokyo station.
The Station hotel is not quite ready for us so we leave our cases & head out for an explore. Buy our JR passes & tickets for tomorrows train to Nagoya, such is our mammalian efficiency. Still some time to kill which we do by sitting outside in the local Starbucks-san in the muggy Tokyo afternoon. Filled with coffee goodness & people watching, it’s time to check in so we head back to the hotel. Tis a bit of a marathon to the room furthest from reception, but we make it unscathed & are rewarded with a delightfully elegant room. We recline in this elegance for a while as despite the good night sleep on the plane, we were effectively up at 2am UK time this morning & we don’t want to be flagging on our first night out.
Eventually drag ourselves up, showered & glammed up for our night on the town, JT is looking rather gorgeous I must say. Hit the Uber button downstairs, but seems our driver is marooned 9 mins away so head back to the taxi rank. Bit of a faff trying to give directions, then we say Seryna & he’s happy, albeit not half as happy as we are in returning to I think our favourite restaurant in the whole world. The teppanyaki paradise does not disappoint either as we’re momentarily settled in our favourite spot as the wonders unfold before us. I have a battle with the waitress as she ties a bib around me, I take it off as soon as she disappears, only for her to reappear to put it back on, this goes on for a while until, as usual with persistent women, I eventually give in to their wishes. No Malbec on the menu this time so we have to make do with a soft & delicate Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon, oh dear. We have more courses than I can count, even though I’ve taken my shoes off, each one prepared as delicately as the last. The scallops & (potentially) live prawns are the mid-course highlights before the staggeringly delicious selection of Wagu & Kobe beef arrives. Meanwhile in the next seats the older Chinese chap & his “niece” are having abalone, not sure of its life status as it shrivels with the salt & changes shape & colour as its cooked on the hot plate. I don’t think anyone can accuse me of being unadventurous in the food (or bedroom) dept, but I cant say I fancy this mollusc in the slightest. Back at our hot plate, we’ve scoffed the last of the offerings before retiring to the lounge for desert & coffee. We almost make it out before the big group of business guys, but alas we are again the last to leave. Toy with the idea of visiting the girlie bars (well I do) but its time to head home in a Toyota Crown courtesy of the most polite & efficient Uber drivers in the world.
Feeling a tad squiffy & with everything ready for the morning it’s just time for a quick teeth clean, hop into the amazingly comfortable bed & dream of our next meal in Japan.
Days away from work - 2
Martinis - 2
Gins - 4
Wines: France 4 - 4 Chile
Sleep well, wake up a couple of times, think that’s it, going to be awake from 2:30 then zzzzzzz. Get up with the alarm going bonkers, must be a new iPhone feature, get lazy gits like Robbie T out of bed. Quick wash up & up to the atrium for breakfast. ‘‘Tis a very nice space up here, bit of an eclectic mix of Japanese & western, eggs benedict in a halved avocado, hmmm. Chicken tempura is lovely, probably because it’s effectively a chicken nugget, see even the munchers would love Japanese food! As I drain the coffee & pastry supplies I again spy Jo tapping on her watch, must be time to saddle up & head outta this town. Grab the cases, schlep to reception, then off to find the JR line in the station with the help of a camp young chap at information. Get our JR passes checked & stamped then we’re off to platform 16 where we wait for the resplendently pink ladies to make our carriage spick & span.
Do a bit of blogging, then research our ETA at Nagoya & route to the circuit at Suzuka. Satisfied with my work I watch some TV with 30 mins to run, finish off my programme on things that will kill you in the post war British home, which include DIY, gas heaters, electrical fires & chickens. Feel relieved we don’t live in a 1950s death trap, I finish just before arriving at the station with the announcer reminding us our stop will be brief so get ready! It’s a short trip to the Mitsui Garden hotel, but since we don’t have a clue where, we decide to take a cab. Checkin on the 18th floor & check with the Dorris-san on the best route to the track. Decide to take her advice to pay for the Kintetsu rail, as the JR line is not so good, in Japan I guess that means they’re every 2 mins & only travel at 500km/h. Spot the subterranean passage to the station, which we take, through little Italy & we’re there before you can say Sayonara Nagoya. Negotiate the ticket machine unaided, we head for platform three, have a bit of a debate whether this is our train, it is so hop onboard with our Japanese cousins. A rather interesting journey through the industrial heartlands of Japan on the pleasant but rather muggy commuter express.
Arrive at Shiroko station & momentarily we are hopping on the circuit bus. It’s not that far but slow going through the narrow local roads, make it in about 10 mins, but we’re not there yet, next there is the not unsubstantial hike to the main gate & onto the stands. We’re 20 mins into FP2 so it’s hammer time! Its supposed to be free seating through free practice but I guess the main stand is not included as we’re round to stand B at the first curve. Now this is a fine location, I’m quite pleased with myself, we can see most of the main straight, the pit exit, the high speed double apex right handed Dunlop curve & most of the esses up the hill. Get some great shots & Lewis is fastest so we’re very happy & very excited F1 tourists. Find an Aussie mate to take a photo of us in front of the track, chat with him, he’s from Sydney, I tell him I’m from Perth like Danny & all the other great Aussie sportsman. The east coaster looks quizzically, “like who mate?”, I bombard him with everyone from D K Lillee to Shaun Marsh, still he takes a good photo & gives us a flag each.
Time to wander back to the grandstand & the plethora of merchandise. First up the Suzuka circuit shop, which looks like a plague of locus has descended. We haven’t really discussed what presents we’re getting but decide pretty much everyone is getting merch. Browse the Red Bull as it is high time my dilapidated jacket was replaced & it is. JT goes for a smart Mercedes shirt, think she may be planning to infiltrate the press room tomorrow. Avail ourselves of loads with either two bulls or three pointed star, but nothing red! Waddle off with our armfuls of gear to find some snackage, it’s a toss up between safe sausage in a roll & stuff on sticks from the stall that doesn’t speak English, we go for the latter with a couple of Heinekens. It’s getting dark now so time to head for the bus as the last one leaves at 6pm, after that you’re on your own. Make it in good time, line up in our pens ready to be taken to Tenko, erm I mean Shiroko. Takes an age but eventually we file on, standing room only but that doesn’t stop us falling asleep on the way as the beer & grinding traffic take their toll. 45 min later we arrive at the station, grab our return tickets & make for the platform. Get chatting to a lovely couple in matching Red Bull kimonos. We ask where they got them, thinking they would be the most amazing souvenirs ever but turns out the chap designed & had them made bespoke, in exactly the right colour palette & font, only with Japanese characters on all the branding & sponsors. Our new friends bid farewell with helpful advice on the train we are waiting for, including how many stops to Nagoya. What they don’t tell us is our train is 3 minutes late, how shocking, I’m sure the driver will fall on his sword when we get to our destination. We have seats opposite the aisle as I negotiate the business guy in a coma spread across my seat. Eventually shuffle him up & get settled for the brisk journey home.
Wander through the station retracing our steps, end up in little Italy so figure since its after 8pm & no idea what’s on offer in our new city we’d be best grabbing a casual bite here so we do. Settle, we put in our order with the terrified young waiter, two Kirins & two pizzas. Beer comes up first, I comment mine is rather bland, Jo points out it’s alcohol free beer, amazing chaps these Japanese I remark, how did they do that. Jo tells me its quite common, we have alcohol free beer & wine at home, oh really I reply, why...? Anyhoo, pizzas are good, so is my replacement beer. Feeling rather hot, sticky & tired, we head back to the hotel to finish check in & get up to our room. Room is functional but not special, but then we’re planning on spending most of the time at the track so it matters not. Showered & prepped for the morning we settle down with some TV, which other than Japanese game shows features CNNs coverage of the Kavanaugh case, yaaaawn.
Days away from work - 3
Martinis - 2
Gins - 4
Wines: France 4 - 4 Chile
Beers - 4
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - 3
Get our little butts up & out very efficiently this morning, we are grabbing breakfast to eat on the way to the circuit. Heading for Starbucks in the shopping passage when we spot an amazing bakery, so stock up on chocolate French toast, pain au chocolate & baguettes for lunch, do grab a coffee from the bucks though. Grab our tickets from the machine, busy on the platform & on the train, not just F1 junkies either. Have to eat our breakfast standing up, the chocolate in the French toast turns out to be bean curd & the pain is fruit & nut rather than chocolate, so I guess we’re having heath food! Takes a while to get there on the all stations but eventually arrive at Shiroko.
It’s rather more regimented being qualifying day & earlier so we’re herded onto busses down the street. All very efficient as you would expect & the journey is pretty quick. Straight in thanks to us buying 3 days of bus tickets, then it’s the familiar march into the ground. It’s warm, very humid & breezy this morning, should make for an interesting qualifying. We’re heading for the section where 130R cross over the top of Degna 2 for that iconic view of the figure of 8 circuit. Pass the. Go karting track, I quite fancy that but there isn’t time if we want to get settled before practice. Wonder about all the little camping sites under the stands, do people sleep there all weekend, what if there’s a typhoon, what about security! Would never be allowed at Silverstone, the English can’t be trusted. Find a little seat on the bank & watch the Porsche qualifying while we work out camera angles, I wander round to the next section towards the chicane but decide our spot is the best. The drizzle has now turned into a downpour, but no matter I have a rather natty new Red Bull jacket to protect me. Rain eases off in time for practice & since it really is quite warm pretty much dries off by the time the cars come out. It’s a great spot to see the cars from both angles, really appreciate the difference in speed of the F1 as well as the marked change between hot & cool down laps.
We’ve got some time before quali, so find a stand up table by the main stand, grab a couple of beers & pull out the packed lunch we snaffled earlier. It’s appreciably busier today, resplendent with the colourful mad nerdiness associated with the F1 crowd. See a few more bespoke kimono, 1970s race suits & Red Bull girls in hot pants, I grab a hug & a photo with the latter. Right time to take our seats for qualifying. Lewis is fastest in Q1, Valteri in Q2 where Danny drops out with more engine trouble. The weather is still very changeable, generally overcast but very warm with occasional bouts of sunshine, nevertheless the Ferraris come out with intermediate tyres, just as we’re breaking out the sunglasses, they don’t recover from that as the rest put in fast times at the beginning, then the rain starts half way through. Seb can do no better than 9th, Lewis is on pole. With that, the heavens open with torrential rain, so scramble for the jackets & scamper under cover.
We had been in two minds between making the most of our time at Suzuka & getting back to Nagoya for the evening, the rain has made up our minds. Pop into the merch on our way back as I think there may be someone somewhere we haven’t bought a present for. Then onto the familiar trail to the buses in the now warm, sunny early evening. Queues not as long & bus ride not as grinding today, still quite a wait for our limited express train (we’ve worked out that express means all stations unreserved, limited express means you get a seat on the fast train). I’m seated next to a fanatical Hamilton supporter with portraits of the 4 time world champion on both arms, all done very well but if I were Lewis I’d be worried he was after my skin. All these connections mean it’s quite late by the time we arrive back in our hotel, toy with the idea of staying in but Nagoya is a big city & we really should make the most of it.
Washed & glammed up we look for recommendations from reception which we take & are soon seated in a delightful sushi restaurant round the corner, looks pretty lively on a Saturday night in Nagoya. Tis a charming little modern place with a traditional feel, staff are gorgeous & look just right side of welcoming / terrified at our big noses. The tempura is wonderful, sashimi delicate & the second best eel ever (after Kyoto). JT grabs herself a beer, I go for incredibly my first sake of the trip, which is served in a glass inside a box to collect the overspill as the pour continues until both are full, a rather strange arrangement but all the more sake for me. Say Sayonara & arigato to our lovely hosts, then head out for the short trot home, up to our room & into bed.
Days away from work - 4
Beers - 7
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - 4
Sake - 2
We’re up nice & early agin, very efficient final pack & out by 7:50. Stop again at the delightful Sawanura bakery, eat in style today. Selection of delicious looking pastries, even if we don’t really know what they are, bit of a fail for JT as she chooses the chocolate & banana croissant, for once she doesn’t want a mouthful of potassium rich goo. All else good as are their fine coffees, I grab one for the train, which is next on our agenda. Grab our tickets, work out there’s a machine to pay extra for the limited express but alas they’re sold out today. No matter though we’re on the platform before the train so get a double seat anyhoo. Witness yet more Japanese brilliance, the seats spin round two by two depending if you’re a twosome or foursome. Some conscientious passenger diligently spins them all back round the right way before leaving the carriage. JT & I have an ear each of new indie music on the way & time soon goes on the familiar journey. Matter of fact we’ve got the train from Nagoya to Shiroko more often than Hornchurch to Canary Wharf this year!
Jump off the train out into the scorching Suzuka sun as we’re filed into lines all the way to the waiting buses. Chat to a California chap living in Japan, he’s here with his half Finnish son (from his Finnish wife), JTs ability to seek out these creatures is quite astounding as the two of them speak herdie gerdie en route. Continue chatting with our new chum on the bus & onto the track until he finally gives in & gets his young son a Suzuka Coca Cola. We file into the circuit with the crowds, even though it’s four hours till lights out, the excitement on race day is palpable. In stark contrast to the previous days it’s hot, sunny & not a cloud in the sky, JT Croftie remarks the teams haven’t practiced with track temperatures like these. Speaking of racing I fancy the karting, which is actually pretty easy to arrange, just pop in, they just ask for your driving licence but don’t seem bothered if you don’t have one, I probably look old enough. Queue is pretty light & arrangements not fussy, no long speeches or videos, just some track pants, sleeves, helmet & gloves. Soon I’m climbing into number 16 (44 is taken today apparently), got my fan in the grandstand & I’m off. It’s a tight little circuit, quite challenging but good fun. I try to remember not to go into the corners too fast, but pretty soon the back end steps out into the barrier, but hey if you don’t crash, you’re not trying hard enough right. Get the hang of it, overtake Raikkonen & Van Dorn on my way to setting the fastest time of the session.
With all that excitement & being 11:30, JT suggests its time for a beer, even though she insisted yesterday we shouldn’t have one until after the race, but then it is scorching in the sun today. Time to head to our seats now for the track parade, which is all good fun with the drivers in classic cars. Apparently it’s so hot today Jo needs a new Lewis hat, plus a Honda towel to protect from the sun & the heat. Stop in the shade for our Sawanura bakery lunch & something cool & orange I bought from a stall. 20 mins to go we head back to our stand to take in enough of the build up, without melting into our seats.
The start is exciting, Lewis retains the lead, Max has a scrap with Kimi, later with Seb as he makes up ground only to be dumped back in last place. I don’t think the Dutchman will be getting a Christmas card from the red team. In between there’s a safety car, Danny made up ground to finish forth behind Max, Lewis never looked troubled, seemed more likely to lap the field than be overtaken as he wins from his Mercedes team mate. With that, we see the podium, sing the national anthem, then make our way out as there didn’t seem to be a way onto the track from our stand & we have a long trek to Kyoto this evening.
Follow the crowd back to the main stands, through merch ally (without buying anything for once), grab a cheeky Asahi on the way then onto the bus stop. File into our pens & it’s not looking half bad all things considered. We’re in the bus in about 10 mins, then another 10 to the station. There’s no limited express tickets until gone 7pm so opt for the cattle train, it’s cheaper too. Little wait, then file on, not too rammed, even get a seat half way along. Back in Nagoya, trot to the hotel to pick up our cases, then back through our familiar underground route to the JR lines this time. Find the Shinkansen ticket office, there’s a train to Kyoto in 12 minutes & it’s got our name on it! On the platform with 5 mins to spare I grab some iced coffees for the journey while JT wonders what the kerfuffle is on the other platform. Train comes in, we get on, train goes out at 19:12, we’ll be in Kyoto in half an hour.
Not surprising with Japan Rail, we are indeed in Kyoto by 7:45. Navigate our way out of another vast station, figure Uber is the way to go with directions to an obscure ryokan you really don’t know how to say to a taxi driver, but alas there is no Uber in Kyoto. Find the taxi rank, go to the special big nose queue, which should help with my obscure ryokan, only no taxi seems to want us. Eventually a foreign friendly one pulls up, but even he has no idea what I’m talking about, the address I have in Japanese in the email doesn't seem to help either. We get there in the end & we’re soon speeding along the Kyoto grid system playing spot the Starbucks. Arrive at Yadoya Dejavu in a little side street at the top of the busy Pontocho street, just after 8, 4 hours after the race ended. Poor young chap struggles with our cases up the narrow stairs, we follow remembering to change out of our big nose outdoor shoes into the slippers on the way. Our room is as beautiful & elegant as the website made it look, traditional futons, blinds & furniture in the sleeping area, modern bathroom with shower & jacuzzi. No time to admire the splendour though, we need to shower the track off our sweaty bodies & get a little glammed up, even though we’re not aiming for anywhere fancy this evening.
Wander out to what looks familiar from last year, Jo seems to be remembering everything so let her be my guide. The lady fancies a burger & a beer, so when we hit a little street side burger grill, we figure what the heck. There’s a gaggle of cute young girls inside & run by a sweet couple who look about 18. Have a look at what’s on tap, there’s Suntory highball (whisky & soda) or beer, go for the beer, then order our respective burgers which are cooked on their little outdoor BBQ. Enjoy bumper people watching as we sit on the pavement, drunks, hookers, pretentious trendies, expat ageing hippies, the latter enter & make straight for the cuties inside. It’s amusing, yet rather uncomfortable listening to these guys in their late fifties crack onto these young girls. They seem to be based here & speak far more Japanese than they let on initially. They buy all the girls drinks as they entice them closer, until mercifully some chap turns up, looking as perplexed as we do, the girls head off with their brother. The predators leave shortly after heading into the girlie bar next door. With operation Yewtree over its time for us to tuck into our burgers & another round of beers.
Just after 10 dinner is done, JT wants to head out for an explore & find somewhere for a nightcap, she is my kinda girl. Wander along the canal, past the bars (girlie or otherwise), down to the Main Street, then back up the winding Pontocho with its beer halls, jazz clubs & restaurants. Settle down into our favourite Hello Dolly, take a seat at the bar, order a couple of drinks & listen to their jazz collection. The crackle of vinyl is replaced with the wail of the trombone as JT drains her Kahlua & I order another negroni. It’s gone midnight as we settle up & head out, saying goodnight to the the last few hardcore left inside. I didn’t expect to have to use the special code for late night entry, but good job I took it. Stagger into our indoor slippers on our way up the wooden hill & stumble into our beds which are fortunately located on the floor.
Days away from work - 5
English winners at Suzuka - 2
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - 5
Beers - 12
Kahluas - 1
Negronis - 2r
Awake in the beautiful ryokan surroundings, a little tired from our travels but otherwise ready for another day of Asian wonders. Washed & dressed we head down for breakfast. Seated at the bar with the locals, although when I say locals really I only mean Japanese, Kyoto is a big tourist destination for Japanese, so they’re probably not local but what do I know. Breakfast is of the Japanese style, miso soup, fish, pickles & rice; not our favourite but when in Rome. I do get lashings of coffee from our lovely though.
So we’ve been on the go pretty much since we hit the road from Hornchurch 6 days ago & there are a few things we need to sort out now we have some time. First up I need to confirm details of our activities in Tokyo, next I have to book our hotel in Tokyo (somehow managed to miss that from my usual impeccable planning), few other errands around the trip done, now it’s time to sort out the washing. All that travelling & the hot, humid conditions in Suzuka have left us with some sweaty clothes we don’t want stinking out our cases for the next leg. Pop down stair to enquire with the chap, who hands me over to the lovely, who brings up google maps & directs me to a dry cleaners. Was hoping they would do it for us but I’m sure we can wander down. Back upstairs to sort out our kit & there’s a knock at the door, it’s my beautiful hotel Dorris-san looking a little flustered. I think my luck is truly in, except a) Jo’s here & b) she’s here to give me directions to the laundrette as she got confused with the dry cleaners. Anyhoo, head out feeling a little daunted as it’s been more than 20 years since I used a laundrette & I’m expecting the ones in Japan to resemble the control panel in the space shuttle. It’s a bit of a walk in the warm late morning sun but we find it just fine & find it’s pretty bloody simple. Wait for a machine to become available, deposit 700 yen, all the suds are automatic, head off to Starbucks. Sit in the cool, drink frappe, admire the beautiful kimono girls, then head back to collect our now clean, non-stinky kit. Couldn’t be simpler.
Jog home, drop our washing off, then out for more of an explore. Head to the main shopping street & the arcades we found last time, full of wonderful quirky shops & stalls with everything from Hello Kitty to army surplus. Get a few more presents for JT & the kids then stumble across B Side Records we loved in Tokyo last time. It’s a very quirky store full of Japanese indie designs on everything from bags to stickers, all the staff are wonderfully enthusiastic in a crazy way only the Japanese can be. I need a quick macchiato stop, which I have in a normal cafe, not the puppy, cat, owl or hedgehog cafes or even the soda shop with puffy handbag dog salon. Finish the vastness of the malls before heading back to our charming Kyoto home.
Little rest in the room then I decide to reward myself with a bath. Jo looks on curiously as I haven’t had a bath once in the 6 years we’ve been in our house. Pop in some bubbles & essential oils, wrap my hair in a towel, put on the Katy Perry, light the candles & jump in with my glass of Prosecco (which is fine). I push the jacuzzi button while I settle down with my Heat magazine, look up to see JT looking even more puzzled as the combination of bubbles & bubble bath has made it look like the stay puff marshmallow man has ejaculated on the tub! Dig myself out to let JT have a go, albeit she doesn’t need the jacuzzi function as this mornings fish is repeating on her.
Head out to Pontchoto street of a thousand restaurants. Fancying a bit of everything this evening, but strangely not a bit of the French maid cafe. We spot a place that offers sushi, tempura & Kobe beef (usually traditional Japanese restaurants specialise in one thing). Settled upstairs by a lovely blonde waitress, who is also charmless & makes no effort to speak other than Japanese. No matter though, they’ve got a natty iPad ordering system so we don’t have to speak to her, probably more to the point she doesn’t have to bother speaking to our big noses. Alas the eel tempura is sold out but the prawn is good, so is the selection of tuna, salmon & yellow tail sashimi. The finale of cook it yourself Kobe is tasty & good fun. This little place doesn’t take cards & I've underestimates our cash supplies so have to leave JT as collateral while I find an ATM, after having a drink or two in the French maid cafe on the way of course.
With dinner finished it’s still early so we head for the Atlantis Bar for a nightcap or two. Outside patio is closed for renovations so we’re settled next to the chain smoking kimono aunts while they giggle, chat & smoke with their Guinness swigging niece. Feeling like a couple of beagles we head home in the mild Kyoto evening.
Back home we settle down with some iPad telly, a new series Maniac on Netflix. It’s kinda cool, but very odd so just one episode before it’s time to call it a night.
Days away from work - 6
Themed cafes - 5
Baths this year - 1
Shirts that need ironing - 2
Beers - 15
Kahluas - 2
Sake - 4
Gins - 6
Jump straight up this morning, well straight up after the second snooze. Wash & brush up before heading down to the western style breakfast this morning, that is non-Japanese, not that they serve you beans round a campfire. We’re in the main dining room today where we’re served bacon & egg, with beef carpaccio salad & yoghurt fruit on the side (not in the same dish Pete). Tis nice saving the warmed bread with some jam for afters. Have to hunt out the Dorris for more coffee, then discover the bell the arriving locals ring to get attention.
Still some jobs to do after breakfast, including what to do today, we saw quite a lot in a few packed days last year but still more to do in the city of a thousand temples. Today we’re off to Nijo-Jo castle, which is a bit different & on the tube line. Quick round to the station, pour my pocket full of change into the machine, then we’re at the castle before you know it. Cross the moat to buy our ticket, through the ornamental gates & onto the 17th century Shogun’s palace. Outside we have the archetypical sloping tiled roofs & grounds covered in fir trees. Inside is where the Shogun received feudal warlords & did his shogun type business. Each room is wonderfully ornate with the gold layered screens painted with tigers, leopards & the like. Their interpretation is fascinating, since the artists had never seen either, along with imagining the scene in the day with the sliding doors open to the Kyoto sun reflecting on the gold, making these wild creatures float in the air, must have been all part of the Shogun’s attempts to dominate & mystify his visitors. Anyhoo wander through this palace with JT shooting from the hip to avoid the gaze of the no photo policy. Once out of the palace we’re treated to the ornamental gardens & a domestic from an Aussie family. Carry on across the inner moat to the summer palace, up for superb views of the site nestled into the packed city. Wander out in the now quite warm midday sun, cooling off with a macha ice cream at the exit. Have a little chat on what’s next, the city centre park & the Kyoto Historical Museum next door.
There’s no transport connections to the park so it’s a 30 minute walk in the sun before we arrive to have look at the first little temple by the lake then have a sit in the shade to cool off. Head for the Sento Imperial Palace next, which is quite a walk, only to find it’s closed today & tomorrow. Head back down to the museum only to find it too is closed, guess Tuesdays are not the days for culture in Japan’s cultural capital. Ho hum, still it’s a lovely day for the 20 minute walk back home, where I promise to reward JT with a mid afternoon beer. Back in our district we’re split which bar to slake our thirst in, such is the plethora in our hood. We go from insisting only our favourites will do, to anywhere that’s open to settling for a couple of tinnies by the canal. JT comes up with a last ditch plan to save us from creating a hobo culture, how about popping into the smart hotel opposite our ryokan. It is indeed delightful as we get settled on the terrace, only the Dorris looks mystified at our request for beer at this time, seems the taps aren’t turned on till five, still they eventually manage to find a couple of cold bottles, which don’t last long as our thirsts are raging. Feeling a tad peckish to boot, I suggest a Cesar salad, Jo thinks this is a fine idea, once I explain to her what a salad is & tell her she can have hers with fried chicken. We have a delightful late lunch, feeling cooked & refreshed after our day of exploring with mixed success.
Head back home across the street where I cool off in the shower with Chet Baker in the background while Jo researches the uses for a futon. Suitably rested we get ourselves together for another night on the town. Pre-dinner drinks at our favourite Route 162 with its selection of Japanese craft beers & endless rock videos, AC/DC, Kiss & Chilli Peppers tonight. The place is smoky but cool & popular with travellers as bank notes from all round the world adorn the walls, most with some sort of message. Time for dinner now, it’s the yakatori place we spotted earlier tonight, all things on sticks. It’s a busy little place, mainly Japanese, which is always a good sign. Order a beer & bottle of sake, no Junmai on the menu so I have to freestyle, from my not so extensive sake knowledge. Get a range of veg, seafood (or see food as they put it), chicken, beef & a whole eel. All pretty good without being spectacular. The giggling 16 year old girls spark up a fag on the next table, still surprises us English, although to be fair the girls were probably mid twenties, they all just look 16 till they’re 50, then fall off the cliff.
It’s 10:30 now so would be rude not to pop into Hello Dolly for a nightcap. Get settled into a table next to the bar, order a Kahlua & a negroni as I entertain the bar with magic tricks. JT comments that no one is able to look long enough to work out if I’m brilliant or a fricken idiot, I’m not sure that JT has made her mind up on that one either. Having soaked up the jazz & cocktails its time to head back with the stray cats along Pontocho street to our little ryokan from home.
Days away from work - 7
Shirts that need ironing - 2
Beers - 22
Kahluas - 3
Sake - 6
Negronis - 3
Have a bit of an extra snooze this morning, make the cardinal mistake of turning the alarm off on the basis I’m just about to get up....zzzzz. JT wakes me with a start, it’s 7:50, breakfast in 10 mins! Make it down & it’s a trifle disappointing, we’re not expecting the big hotel blow out but a small bowl of leaves, the worlds smallest omelet & a doorstep of warm bread, rations at Tenko were more generous. Still should spur us on to get out & find one of their wonderful bakeries to top us up. Chat to the Dorris-san about our luggage forwarding arrangements. Luggage forwarding is very common in Japan with the extensive rail networks & as we’re travelling over the mountains by any transport possible over the next two days, we don’t want the cases slowing us down. I had emailed the ryokan a couple of times before we arrived, they always said ok but I was never that confident. The girl says ok, no problem I will arrange, she takes down the address in Matsumoto & we leave feeling kinda ok she’ll be taking care of it.
Pop up to our room to plan our day out, forecast is for rain & thunderstorms all day so visiting Kyoto’s array of museums & galleries seems like a good option. Hop on the tube round the corner three stops, then a bit of a walk up, through the giant Torii gate to the city’s arty district. First up is the Municipal Art Museum, the annex in fact as the main gallery is closed for renovations. The exhibition in the basement is rather modern art, watercolours in feet along the first wall, a handyman’s cart at the top of the hall & a series of free standing bamboo canes down the middle, I wonder what havoc Kayla & I would cause after our diplomatic incident in the New York Guggenheim. Things aren’t greatly inspiring in the next room with a series of electrical appliance sketches. Head up to the top floor which has a paid exhibition of balls, we decide thats not for us. Considering the rather avant-garde nature of the the Municipal, goodness knows what the Modern Art gallery will be like but what the heck we’ll give it a go. Only we won’t because its closed. Ho hum, theres the Heian-Jingu shrine at the top of the path & its not raining. This is a lovely place, four large resplendently red traditional buildings lined with fir trees surround a square, that apparently was used for a festival last night. Have a nice little wander around with the other tourists & school parties who seem to have been tasked with interviewing as many big noses as they can find. The kids are shy & really struggle with their English, but they are of course adorable & we do our best to answer their questions & engage them. The rain is finally starting as we leave so decide we have more than earned that BigBucks elevenses. I quite fancy a browse of the adjoining bookshop, JT is again quizzical, pointing out I never read books in English let alone Japanese, well other that flying textbooks that is. Of course I just want a coffee table book with nice pictures, see a few that are cute, even a bit saucy, but just end up pornographic so leave empty handed.
We’re back on the tube down to the Kyoto National Museum, which we didn’t go to last time even though it’s opposite the Hyatt where we stayed. The steady rain turns torrential as we enter the compound, we’re pretty soggy but our jackets kept out the worst. Here we enter the Swords of Kyoto exhibition & we both agree this is much more like it. Its the biggest collection of traditional swords ever gathered in one place, mainly from the era the city was at the zenith of the sword smith in the 15th century but some as early as the 10th century. Unfortunately that means there are none from Hattori Hanzo, but then he was from Okinawa if I remember my Kill Bill history. We learn an awful lot about Japanese steel like the difference between straight & irregular Hamon and sizes from Tachi (long sword) to Tanto (dagger), but there are an awful lot of swords, three floors of them in fact, literally hundreds. Like the exhibition we went to in Tokyo, it is the blades that are the focus, there are no scarabs on display at all. In typical Japanese organised fashion you can queue up for a close look at each sword, which a lot of the locals do, some with a special inspection glass. We generally skim & look over the shoulders of others. There is an impressive display of wood carved Buddha statues on the ground floor, we like those. Feeling rather enlightened but tired we head out into the still rainy afternoon utilising our local knowledge by blagging a taxi from the Hyatt opposite.
Dropped at the station by another of the world’s most polite taxi drivers we head inside in search of a bakery for afternoon tea. Find a rather nice place that offers sausage in a roll, which are really tasty. They also have chocolate bagels that look like poos, we don’t have any of them. Realise it would have been a good idea to bring the JR passes & get our tickets for the morning, never mind. Do scope out where the ticket office is & that there’s a nice bakery opposite for our breakfast & lunch supplies. Jump back on the tube, get off a couple of stops early as we’ve decided we need more cool presents from our B-Side Records store. It’s a short walk home from there where we have a little rest, decide where we’re going to enjoy dinner then pack for the next leg tomorrow. Jo takes charge of the complex packing, we need to balance the weight, squeeze in the mountain of gifts & souvenirs, plus pack our rucksack with enough to survive the mountain climate without being back breaking, not that we’re amateurs but Aconcagua was a while ago.
Dinner we decide this evening is in the restaurant downstairs, we fancy some Wagu, the reviews are good & well, it’s not far. Things are looking up, the prettiest Dorris-san is on tonight & better still she’s got all our luggage arrangements! Have a bit of a faff about which dining room were in but we’d rather sit at the bar where the action is. Settled at the bar, we ponder the wine, there’s some fancy French number but I still haven’t got my head round the exchange rate, it’s £177, hmm that Chilean merlot sounds just fine. Order our steak dinner & the merlot really is rather good. We’re chatting away but Jo seems distracted, she’s rather perturbed the lovely young things next to us have hardly touched their steak, she thinks this is criminal. Ours arrive & it really is delicious, which just spurs JTs horror at the wasted meat next her. Now Jo is never happier than when she has a mouthful of meat, other than when she has grabbed hold of meat in each hand ready to gobble some more. So she doesn’t take too much encouragement to reach around for some more meat the girls have careless left behind. Having said that, as much as it is a waste she realises it’s a pretty hobo thing to do so pulls out at the last moment. Anyhoo, we draw the beef curtains closed, drain the last of the wine & decide where we’re having our last nightcap in Kyoto.
Pop upstairs to freshen up then, while Kyoto is the city of a thousand bars as well as temples, there really is only one late night drinking establishment for us, Hello Dolly. We make the familiar trot down Pontocho street to find there’s a bit of a queue outside our favourite jazz club. Fortunately most saunter off leaving us peering in the hallway to see if there’s space at the bar, there’s not so just hang around. A couple come in just after us & are ushered straight through, how can this be, shirley we should be shown to our regular table since this our third time this week! Seems the couple have made a reservation, got to hand it to them for that. But then momentarily we are ushered through, seems the swingers have invited us to join them. Now no one likes a Saffa, but I have to say they are a fun, gregarious couple. She was brought up just down the round the corner to us in Woodford & has a brother in Sidcup, really small world since we met a girl in here last year that went to the same school as Jemma. They’re a little intense but seemingly genuine & we chat until the wee hours about travel, our tips for Tokyo, visits to England & life in Saffa land while I talk Leon into having yet another Suntory for the road (he thinks I’m a connoisseur but really I just know it from Lost in Translation). We say goodnight on the crossroads to our respective hotels, with invitations to stay with them in Durban as long as we like, guess they must like us too, not sure why we hardly got a word in, maybe they’re going to hunt us on their game reserve.
Stagger back to our place, somehow remember the entry code, then it’s upstairs with shoes in hand & fall into futon.
Invitations to stay in South Africa - 1 (so far)
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - 6
Kahluas - 5
Negronis - 4
Whiskies - 2
Wines: France 4 - 8 Chile
Last night’s excesses are forgotten as we’re up & atom this morning ready for the next adventure. Teeth cleaned & face shaved, cases closed, rucksacks on shoulders we head downstairs. Our favourite lovely is waiting to see us off, I think she may have had a tear in her eye. We bid a fond farewell as she tells us she is visiting London next year, I tell her she has our email address so she should look us up, not quite understanding she runs off excitedly, returning with a pen & card for me to write down our address, guess we’ll have another lodger next year.
It’s a short jog to the tube, one change, one fare adjustment & we’re at kyoto station just as the ticket office is opening at 8. Efficient as always, we’re checked through Kanazawa & onto Toyama. We’ll need to get another ticket there on the Dentetsutoyama line to our final destination of Tateyama. Next is the bakery where we get a savoury & sweet for breakfast, a sausage thing for lunch then finally Maccy Ds for a coffee, Starbucks is too far to reach safely. Bit of a faff to find platform 0 but that’s why we’ve allowed plenty of time & in any case we’re still there with nearly half an hour to spare. Do a bit of trainspotting (that is looking at trains not taking heroin), JT goes to the front of our Thunderbird for a sleek, sexy picture, only it’s rather ordinary so she doesn’t bother. We are quite fond of the old bird though as she was our first trip on Japan rail last year. All very comfortable as we tuck into breakfast, juice & coffee, my matcha almond croissant was amazing. Before you know it two hours have past, it’s a quick platform change at Kanazawa, then 25 mins to Toyama. It’s a bit tight here as we need to find the other station, buy a ticket & find the train in 15 mins. Need not have worried, we’ve got enough time in hand to get a couple of lattes, have a chat to Mr Myaggie & find a double seat on the all stations to Tateyama. This I find a much more interesting journey as we travel trough towns & local farmland at sub-warp speeds. Scenery becomes quite mountainy towards the end of our journey, unfortunately also very drab & raining. Pull into Tateyama after about 50 minutes, which is the end of one journey & the start of the next.
I have planned a rather eclectic adventure across the Japanese alps from Tateyama to Ogizawa utilising as many modes of transport as possible. Hop along to the ticket office & manage to get tickets all the way along the route, this is going to be easier than I imagined. Our first mode is a funicular which takes us up 500m in about 10 mins to Bijodaira where we connect straight onto the waiting bus. The bus winds up the switchbacks, through the forest, above the tree line & into the tundra. As promised autumn comes early in this region & we’re treated to beautiful orange, reds & yellow foliage, that is what you can see out through the steady rain & thick cloud mist. It really is grimmer than a grim weekend in Grimsby out there. We pass the impressive sight of the highest waterfall in Japan, according to the Aussie bus guide voice, unfortunately today we just see more cloud. Arrive at Murodo 50 mins later where you can just about make out the buildings from 10m away.
We’re quite pleased with ourselves, while it all seems to be rather straightforward we are the only non Japanese we’ve seen since we left Toyama, have made every one of our five connections in just under 6 hours. We also might be the only ones under 100 to be checking into the hotel. Front desk has our booking & we’re getting along famously, he’s nattering away at me in Japanese, I look politely like I’m listening but try not to nod as that would look like I’ve got the faintest idea what he’s on about. Eventually he realises this & asks me what time we’re going for dinner, this time in English. Head up to our room, it’s all far bigger & nicer than I was expecting, I thought it would be a basic alpine lodge but it’s quite a big hotel, kinda looks like the one in The Shining, the rooms are reminiscent of 1950s American modern homes, all wood panelling & desk lamps. Have a little unpack & rest before our 4:15 tour.
Get our wet weather gear on & meet our ageing Asian friends in the lobby for the guided tour, which is all in Japanese, which to be fair is only reasonable. First up there’s lots of pointing at maps, then to the observation deck, down to a statue of some bloke, then finally out into the driving rain. JT & I are standing out getting soaked, unable to see the hand in front of our face or understand a word being said. Decide to have a little trot to the top of the steps, have a little wander then head back in, skipping the next hour in the rain. No tour is complete without a trip to the gift shop which is exactly what we do next. Help ourselves to the free samples on offer, browse the tat before getting a Japanese doll magnet for Jo & a North Face T-shirt for me. Pop into the bathing area, which is very much your traditional Japanese communal baths, which while we’re no English prudes these days, really isn’t for us. Do spot they have a bar on the 5th floor, French restaurant too, this really is a rather superior mountain lodge.
Change into the jammies back in the room so our gear can dry out, then snuggle up on my bed to watch another episode of Maniac. It’s again quirky, stylish but odd, we haven’t worked out whether we like it or not so I guess we’ll keep going until we decide or the series ends. The little hand winds round to 7 which means dinner time. Head down to the restaurant where surprisingly they recognise the only big nose in town. Its quite a big dining room in a sort of wedding breakfast style as seems to be the way in Asia. As ever the staff are friendly & efficient, one chap is even a West Australian expert. We have more courses & dishes than I can remember, even if I knew what they all were. Snapper sashimi is good, as are the “world famous” Toyama bay shrimps, the pickled squid is an acquired taste. Finish up with some sort of matcha pudding before escaping sniffy mcsnifferson for the lounge bar upstairs.
It’s more 50s kitch up here in the lounge while I grab a G&T and a Kahlua from the old dears playing pumping hip-hop in the bar. With our drinks downed & the rain still lashing at the windows we ensconce ourselves with more TV in our room before packing down for the night.
Invitations to stay - 2 (1 each way)
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - 10 (at least)
Places visited - 10 (Tokyo, Nagoya, Shiroko, Suzuka, Kyoto, Kanazawa, Toyama, Tateyama, Bijodaira, Murodo)
Kahluas - 6
Gins - 7
Wake up in the night to find a ghostly figure standing in front of the open window, decide its either Jo or the girl from The Ring, doze off before I find out. Awake from not a great night sleep to stories of Jo prowling the room as it was too hot & her bed was too hard. Light is streaming through the curtains so hopeful, I wander over to take a look, well it’s not raining but visibility doesn’t extend to the ground & we’re on the 2nd floor. What can you do that’s the mountains for you. Get washed up & shave with BAs razor, which is mighty uncomfortable. Decide to stay in my jammies for breakfast & wear my thongs, the platform slippers might make my legs look good but they were a bitch to walk in. Big buffet style breakfast & it ain’t half bad. Get some cornflakes, juice, scrambled eggs, a selection of sausage products & some pastries for afters. They have a little toaster oven next to the pastries which works well & they’re all good, plus they’re not playing French accordion music like they were at dinner. Stick our stuff back in the packs, check out & hit the trail.
Well we had planned to do a bit of exploring around Tateyama mountain this morning to make up for missing out last night, alas the visibility is no better so decide to get on the road & hope for better vis further down. We just head for the connecting trolley bus that takes us through the mountain to continue our journey on the other side. From here we jump straight onto the cable car, which would be great but again alas we are still engulfed in cloud. It’s still thick at the bottom but hop up to the observation deck nonetheless, theres not much to see but do get some good shots of the cable cars appearing & disappearing into the mist. Next we’re in another funicular, which completely travels through a tunnel so doesn’t really matter what it’s like outside. We arrive down at Kurobe dam & things are looking up. The weather has cleared somewhat & what clouds do remain make for dramatic scenes against the backdrop of the jagged cliffs. The dam itself is by no means the biggest (oh we have seen some big ones), but it is very dramatic with the ability to see both sides, one high & serene, the other a raging torrent spewing out of dramatic concrete cliffs. We have a good old mooch about, taking loads of photos from every angle & setting, we even take a selfie. To a certain extent, this has made up for the terrible weather & lack of views further up but then again it was always about the journey.
File in for the trolley bus where they trot out a giant mole character for grown men to take selfies with. Hop on another electric bus to take us through Mt Akazawadake & onto Ogizawa. This is the end of our ticketed route so pick up a local bus tickets & head for Shinano Omachi, which departs momentarily. We stop in a few alpine towns en route & it really is an interesting 30 min trip. Dropped off at the station which is on Japan Rail, bonus we can use our JR passes, only we can’t because they expired yesterday, doesn’t stop me arguing with the ticket chap as I hadn’t realised. He doesn’t hold it against me though as he directs us to the platform & the waiting train to Matsumoto. It’s 19 stops from here on the local commuter train, Jo makes use of the time by studying the carriage floor, through her eyelids.
Hop off at the end of the line at the metropolis of Matsumoto. It’s been a long journey & bloomin cold most of the time so surely we have earned a treat from the tax dodging coffee pusher from Seattle. Settle with our lattes while I struggle to make contact with the next ryokan on our list, Tobira Onsen Myojinkan. We were booked on the 4:30 pickup but such is the weather & our efficiency we want to get on the 3:15. Finally get through as we stumble around the bus stop outside the station until we stumble across their bus & we’re on. 20 mins later we’ve wound up to our mountain Onsen retreat. We’re ushered into the lounge where a chap takes us through the check in & shows us round the various baths, I cause a kerfuffle when I step inside one to have a look with my indoor slipper on, what a heathen! We arrive at our delightful, very traditional room, we have a dining table & chairs on the tatami mat floor with sliding doors overlooking the forest below. Miraculously this becomes our futon bedroom while we’re at dinner & best of all we have our own private Onsen bath, also overlooking the forest. Everything is so beautiful we have to take a picture of it all before getting unpacked & messing it all up.
Since we have such a delightful Onsen all to ourselves it would be a shame to waste it so shower & climb in (that is, Mr Malster, Jo climbs in while I play mahjong in the lounge). Feeling rather hot but revitalised by the 19 minerals we jump out, get dressed in a variety of the clobber they’ve laid out for us before settling on just the traditional yukatas. We’re off to the club lounge we somehow have access to, which has free booze! Tis a delightful lounge, all leather armchairs & wood panel, can’t find the gin so have to settle for the endless supply of Tattinger champagne they have out. 7 o/c comes round, the champagne stops flowing so time to head for dinner. The dining room is elegant, the sake is delicious & the food amazing, all 9 courses & 14 dishes. The sashimi of local trout & bonito were the highlights. We both have food babies, Jo calls hers Ichiban.
Just about manage to shuffle upstairs & fall onto our futons which have indeed miraculously appeared where our table was earlier. Watch another episode of Maniac, then fall asleep to the sound of the river below us.
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - it’d be easier to say what we did know
Places visited - 17 (Tokyo, Nagoya, Shiroko, Suzuka, Kyoto, Kanazawa, Toyama, Tateyama, Bijodaira, Murodo, Daikanbo, Kurobedaira, Kurobeko, Kurobe, Ogizawa, Shinano Omachi, Matsumoto)
Modes of transport - 10 (plane, skytrain, car, bullet train, train, tube, funicular, bus, trolley bus, cable car) - haven’t seen a rickshaw yet Tony but if we do we’ll jump on
Wines, Chile - 9
Sake - 8
Wake up in yet another bed in another location, Verona Beach on the alarm seems to be the only constant. Getting washed up I think what the heck, why not have a pre breakfast Onsen & it is delightful. Get dressed & along to the French dining room in our traditional yukatas, turns out we are the only ones, everyone else is in jeans. Tis a lovely space with full length windows overlooking the forest. We get a shot plank to start us off, carrot juice, apple juice, milk mixed with lemon & honey, interesting. Vegetable soup, then a bizarre interpretation of eggs benedict - bacon, ham & salmon on the side (I can dig that), muffin bottom (fair enough), egg on top (pretty much as nature intended).....mashed potato middle (what the hell are you thinking chef)! Toast & jam is fine, yoghurt with fruit is nice. Finish up & head back to the room for a little futon rest, which somehow manages to turn into an hour of watching idiots on YouTube.
After that guilty pleasure we must do something useful with our time here. We don’t really have much interest in going back to Matsumoto, even though it does have a nice castle apparently, no for us it must be a walk in the hills. Try to get more details or detailed map from reception but looks like we’re on our own. Head up the path for the 15 walk, which after 5 minutes ends in a deserted hotel, this must be where the map says no trespassing. Now despite what the map says & the fact a disgruntled Japanese spirit like The Grudge dwells here (I checked with Kayla, she says 100%), we have a nose round the back. It’s pretty overgrown round the back & plenty of old wooden boxes that probably contain bodies, so I head through to where I can hear the river. Better still there’s a two step waterfall up ahead which surely is worth the risk of the narrow moss covered path overlooking the sheer drop, anyhoo Jo is probably now possessed by Asian demons. Get some great shots without falling to my death & neither of us seems to have been bedevilled, so guess it was worth it. Make it back to the junction of paths, Jo draws the line at moving the barrier with the big red sign, apparently just because it’s in Japanese isn’t an excuse. However, we do find the 3 hour hiking trail through the forest, not sure we have 6 hours but we’ll give it a go.
Path is steep at first but levels off, we’ll be making good time, except we’re following the path of the river rapids which is quite spectacular & extremely photogenic. Every 100 metres I’m scrambling down the bank, faffing with filters, aperture & shutter speed. Jo gets herself lined up on one of the old bridges, I find a rock in the middle of the river to get just the right shot & I’m pretty pleased with it. Hang on, I think, this branch pretty much spans the river, I don’t need to walk 20 metres I can climb across. Guess what, the branch breaks & I fall into the river, who’d of thunk it. Fortunately I swing mostly onto the other bank so it’s only my shoes & ass that gets really wet. The path gets tougher the other side of the bridge, until we realise it’s not actually a path at all, so back track to the bridge & pick up the high path. This path winds up the hill as the river drops further so pretty soon it’s 100m or so below us, only to end up next to us again, guess that’s why the rapids are flowing so fast below. Decide to turn around after 1 hour 45 mins to allow time to get back for Jo’s spa treatment. It’s easier going on the way back, we take far fewer photos & no idiot falls in the river, so we’re back at the Ryokan by 2:30. Quick shower, another Onsen for me then we are off to enjoy our separate treatments.
JT is off to the spa where they offer “special hand technique which gives you proper stimulations”, I’m headed for the club lounge which offers booze. I’m in search of gin but have to settle for a pint of merlot as I set myself up with a plate of meats & salad in front of the window. I spend the next hour drinking & contacting friends from all over the world through various media, I have been terribly remiss lately, I hope they still remember me. JT joins me, resplendent in her yukata & radiant from her therapy, whereas I’m a tad squiffy & dopey from my therapy. JT joins me for a glass of red while I rescue the giant spider (as big as your hand) by letting him out the bifolding doors before someone takes a slipper to him.
Head up to wake up & freshen up before pre-dinner drinks, which is different to afternoon drinks in case you’re wondering. Time for a little Onsen? oh go on then, after all it’s just here, this time with the fragrant crabapples supplied, the ones I tried to eat yesterday before Jo stooped me. Right time to get our gowns on again & head to the Japanese dining room for yet another delightfully elegant dinner. We’re seated on beautiful cushion covered bench seats next to the window as we are again treated to 9 courses of impeccably prepared & presented cuisine. Try taking things a bit slower today as we speculate on the relationship of the couple opposite. He’s in his late fifties (at least), a bit craggy, she’s twentysomething, quite pretty without being stunning. I vote father - daughter, JT being cynical thinks mistress, just as he produces a beautifully wrapped gift box containing enormous sparkling gold earrings & she immediately puts them on, hmmm.
Jo rolls me out of the restaurant after I finished the litre of sake I started last night & seemed to go on forever. Have a little wander on the terrace where I discover the whiskey bar, goodness knows what state I would have been in if I’d found it this afternoon. Upstairs I put on the critically acclaimed Shin Godzilla. I can see why, the subtext of political impotence in today’s risk adverse climate & clever fast paced dialogue overcomes the 1950s special effects, or perhaps that’s part of its charm. However, the clever fast paced dialogue is all in Japanese & I’m struggling to keep up with the subtitles so call it a night, will try to finish on the train.
Things we’ve eaten but don’t know what they are - 50 would be conservative
Number of times I’ve hit my head on the low arch to the bathroom - 7
Onsens - 5
Wines, Chile - 14
Sake - 10
Thanks Krish, glad you like the photos, there’s a few hundred more to show you when we get back!
Not for the first time, I wake up on the floor, then remember it’s ok because this time I’m on a futon, that’s how it works. Feeling a little tired I want to snooze but then remember the pre-breakfast Onsen, that’s worth getting up for. Washed, onsensd & shaved its time to head for breakfast, in our civvies today. Have a little wait till they open then get seated by the window & its is even more delightful. Soup is followed by a choice of mains, we go for pancakes, anything but that mashed potato benedict would be fine. They’re still served with ham, bacon & salmon but it’s all good. Yoghurt then warmed bread finishes us off nicely for our quick get away. Final pack back in the room, then thinking how empty breakfast was we may be the only ones on the coach & we can get away early so downstairs pronto. Loaded up in the mini bus we are the one & onlys so get off a few minutes early. The reason for our rush is there’s a train to Nagano at 10:07 which gets us in to Tokyo just after 1pm, otherwise wait a hour in Matsumoto. They reckon it takes 40 mins but we’re hoping the Sunday traffic will help. Its touch & go but pull into the station at 10:03, four minutes to get inside, buy our ticket & get to the platform, the train ain’t going to wait for us. A little queue in the ticket office, JT makes an excellent suggestion keeping it simple & getting just a ticket to Nagano, which I do & we make it with seconds to spare.
While away an hour or so blogging & chatting, then we’re pulling into Nagano with 20 mins between trains. Confuse the heck out of the chap at the Shinkansen ticket office but manage to get ticketed through to Tokyo with enough time to pop into the concourse for coffee, get back, seated & ready for the off. It’s 40 mins to Tokyo so I settle back to finish off Shin Godzilla. (spoiler alert...) I’m so absorbed & so enthralled by the realism of the film I’m surprised when we get to Tokyo station to find it hasn’t been destroyed by a giant lizard now sleeping & having freezing coagulant sprayed down its gullet. Anyhoo, jump off the train ready to join forces with Satomi Ishihara & the rest of the disaster recovery team (I imagine they’re just like our own BCM team at work). Negotiate our route out of the Shinkansen part of the station, wind through several km of tunnels to reach the Marunouchi line where we buy our shiny new Pasmo cards then one stop to Ginza & four on the Hibiya line to Roppongi. We haven’t seen the outside world since leaving Matsumoto but can pretty much guarantee that was 10 times faster than getting a cab in Tokyo traffic so well worth lugging the cases round the tube, cheaper too!
Arrive at the Grand Hyatt, where we had drinks with Chick & David last year and is a bit closer to the action than the wonderful Park Hyatt. Anyhoo, get checked in & shown to our room, a room full of the western luxuries our soft & lazy western bodies crave. We loved the traditional ryokans & enjoyed sleeping on futons but you can’t beat a big hotel bed with soft sheets (I have the put up bed in the corner Mr Malster). Similarly, while we enjoyed the excitement of moving round & seeing different places, it will be nice to actually unpack rather than dipping into the suitcase & choosing what to wear based on what you can find a corner of. Well that & we’re running out of clean clobber so thats the excitement for us in this most exciting of cities, we’re off to the coin laundry. It’s about 10 mins walk down the street, doesn't seem to be where the action is but we’re looking for good clean fun & we find it in the basement. Bit of a faff getting the right change but we’re soon swanning off for coffee leaving the homeless person in charge of our smalls. Give up on coffee, duck into the ice cream parlour instead, which is all good as we settle upstairs watching the super cars go by & chatting to the octogenarian party next to us, the Japanese equivalent of the St James FAF group. Pop back to transfer our wash into the dryer while we research dinner options for tonight. After 3 nights of more courses of stuff which we can only guess its origins we really fancy something simple, like a burger, a wagu burger mind, we’re not animals.
Back in the room Jo gets the ironing board set up & sends me downstairs to the bar for a gin. This seems terribly indulgent & chauvinistic but I swear she made me & I probably won’t beat her when I get back. They have Roku gin in the bar, along with three unattended ladies, which somewhat curtails my research into dinner options, sorry Jo that was my only deliverable. Bid farewell to the ladies & my new cigar smoking chum then pop down to concierge, who aren’t much help in somewhere nice but simple. Arrive back in the room just as JT is finishing the last of my shirts, so I take off her leg iron to allow her to get ready for the evening.
We decide we’ll just head out & find somewhere in the bustling Roppongi nightlife. Well we’re indeed not short of nightlife, but after 45 minutes of searching we’ve found plenty of casual local eats, empty fancy restaurants, girlie bars & our favourite dive bar Geronimos, but nothing that fits the bill. No matter I have the Oak Door back at the Hyatt up my sleeve so after a pleasant stroll, back we go. JT is eager to check out the restaurants in the mall as she really doesn’t approve of eating in the hotel but its now 8:15 & I haven’t had anything since my danish on the 11:20 from Nagano. Return to the Oak Door where I’m greeted by the lovely like a long lost loved one & despite what I just said about being hungry, we go straight to the bar for a drink where the three girls are still drinking. G&T for me and a beer for the lady we peruse every menu they have but still can’t find a burger, so just ask & they say of course, would you like it here or at your table, we finish up & go to the table. I must say, God damn these are tasty burgers, exactly what we wanted & I’m relived because JT was just about to smother my arm with BBQ sauce. The half bottle of Californian Merlot wasn’t half bad either. Chat about Argentina with the waiter from Columbia, who gives us his Tokyo sightseeing tips before returning to the bar for a nightcap. Enjoy another Roku gin with some of the best people watching we’ve had in ages, and Japan is bloody good for people watching. The bar seems to be frequented by the hookers & beautiful socialites later in the evening, it’s fascinating trying to distinguish the two. The James May lookalike did well to leave with his “date” for the evening and what was keeping those puppies in that dress is a mystery to me, along with most of the bar.
Still as entertaining as that all is, the clock ticks round to pumpkin time & I must get this young lady upstairs before she turns into a large orange vegetable.
Brasses 2 - Socialites 4
Beers - 23 (the first since day 7!)
Wines: USA - 4
Gins - 10
Once again Viola Beach wake us up from beyond the grave singing Boys That Sing. I really can’t orientate myself so get JT to raise the blackout curtains, it is indeed morning so get ourselves up. Washed, brushed & headache tablet sees us ready for our first blow out breakfast since our first morning in Japan some 11 days ago. We are not disappointed, this is hotel buffet fare of the finest calibre. Feeling rather full of croissants & coffee we head upstairs for a little rest & plan for outing today. Today we’re off to the Red Bunny tattoo for Jo’s ink.
Head out, grab the Toei tube & JR line out to Kichijoji, about half an hour. It’s a short walk through the local streets, up to the third floor where Akatsuki greets us with the designs we discussed over email. The place is trendy but smart, there’s a smell of disinfectant in the air, which is reassuring. We have a quick chat about colour & size then JT is whisked into her studio. I sit with her for the first hour while Akatsuki does the outline, very delicate & intricate in white. I can tell it’s painful in places but JT had taken a big dose of MTFU before she came so deals with it with her usual resolve. We take a break on the roof then it’s back in the studio for Jo & the sofa for me. While away another hour on the iPad while the shading is done & time for another break, then I head out for a wander for the final session. Find a smokey little local cafe to sit in for a change of scenery before heading back to see if JT has had both sleeves done, everything pieced, drinking Jack Daniels & smoking cigarettes with Pete Doherty. She’s still in the studio when I arrive so I poke my head round, the outline shading is pretty much finished, the inside shading will have to be completed when we meet up in London in March. Everyone takes photos of Jo’s leg then we settle up & head off to find the cream they recommend. There’s a chemist two doors down so show the picture to the lady who grabs us a box from under the counter, Jo reads the box as we’re leaving, seems it’s haemorrhoid cream. Jo says “Oh no, she thinks I’ve got haemorrhoids!”, yes dear like we’re ever going to see her again.
Get in about 6:30 via the JR, the tube & the 7/11 for a little pick me up, JT is crashing. JT does indeed crash after her Kit Kat & has a well earned nap. I watch Man Utd vs Newcastle, while I know the come back is coming, it doesn’t make for good viewing. Pretty soon its nearly 8, with JT still strapped up & wrapped in cling film I take the executive decision we’re heading back to the Oak Door this evening. Washed & a little glammed up we’re at the bar where everyone knows our name & drink order....... maybe a little concerning after only one day. Our Roku & tonics are waiting for us as we take our seats at the bar. Now we must chat about the tattoo strategy, I think Jo should get hers finished here in Tokyo tomorrow, mine can wait till Akatsuki is in London. JT wants us to share the experience, have us both started here & both finished in London, I must admit it makes sense & also gives some time for Jo’s to settle down. With that thrashed out we’re joined by Greg, an American businessman who’s been in Tokyo for 20 years, an interesting & nice chap as we chat about office furniture, manufacturing & whether the US or UK are making the bigger mess of their economy. Anyhoo, we can’t sit at the bar drinking gin & talking world politics all evening, we’ve got dinner to attend to.
JT already knows she’s having the beef cheek, I debate for a while but I know if I don’t have the same I will be looking longingly at Jo’s plate & she sure as heck ain’t going to give me any. We go Nappa Valley again with the wine & it is all delightful, the beef cheek, dare I say it rivals Plateau in the Wharf. Return to the bar for a nightcap & of course some people watching. The Pretty Woman pair of girls are attracting a fair bit of interest & are also very interested in the Negroni I have ordered, but decide it would not be in my best interests to send a couple over. JT & Jem enjoy some sisterly banter as they decide to get matching Gonzo & Camilla tattoos. Meanwhile the girl that met her date here last night is back, this time her date doesn't hang around, she spends the rest of the time checking business on her phone, alone. I compliment the barmaid on my Negroni, so she offers to make me a martini on the house, she actually seems quite excited by my exact order, bless her. She is indeed skilled at gin based cocktails, however based on the volume & taste it is four parts gin, two parts martini & one part vermouth, not one to miss out on a free drink but if I drank the lot my liver would up sticks & move out.
While we would like to see if the young lady found another date for tonight, all good things must come to an end & JT is rightly concerned I might get another free drink & fall off my stool. She carts me upstairs, rolls me into bed & turns on my nightlight.
Brasses 3 - Socialites 6
Wines: USA - 7
Gins - 12
Negronis - 5
Martinis - 3
Wake again knowing it’s too early to get up & suspecting it’s still the middle of the night as JT favours the blackout. Well I’ll be, as the blinds raise slightly, morning has indeed come round again. Get ourselves washed & dressed for another blow out breakfast, it’s quite busy today. Go for omelette man who imparts his eggy wisdom upon us, I try some fermented rice, other than that followed our tried & trusted strategy.
Head out on our familiar commute to Kichijoji, arrive 20 minutes early so get our coffee supply & head up to Red Bunny. It’s all pretty efficient & familiar, my design is ready, about the right size, Akatsuki says same colours, I say yeah so we get going. Now its got to be at least 20 years since my last tattoo, so I’m pretty much in the same category as JT was yesterday. I’m settled & Akatsuki gets to work, Jo sits, noses & natters through my first session. Ferris Bueller keeps me company through the second & third sessions, even though I’ve seen this about 50 times I still hope Cameron doesn’t wreck his dad’s Ferrari (no spoiler alert as you really should have seen it by now). I watch some Dark Tourist documentary with a pretentious Kiwi going to Fukushima, the suicide woods near Mt Fuji & a abandoned island off the coast of Nagasaki. The tattooing goes fine, its painful in the soft & tender places or near the bone but otherwise I manfully sit though the full four hours. Get up & we all admire Akatsuki’s work, it looks really good, we’re very pleased.
Its nearly 6 as we head back through the Tokyo rush hour, but its not too bad going back into town. Decide as time is getting on we’ll eat on the way through rather than going back to the hotel, although another night of dinner & drinks in the Oak Door does sound good. Nevertheless we plot a route from Roppongi Crossing to Abe Sushi, walk past hundreds of good looking beer & burger places we wanted so much but couldn’t find on Sunday night. As it happens Abe is closed for a function so we double back to RRR, a rather nice looking steak restaurant. Order a couple of beers as we peruse the menu, then I have a chat with Rachael while we’re waiting for our dinner to be prepared. Now we could go for the amazing Kobe or the 45 day old dry aged Nakasai, but the Wagu will do just fine & it really is good. Obvs not as amazing as Seryna but it does have an intense smokey taste all the way though. We both wash down with Cabernet Sauvignon, France for me while JT sticks with her new love of California.
It’s still relatively early as we return to the Hyatt so would be rude not to have a nightcap or two. JT trustingly leaves me at the bar while she pops up to dump the bag & freshen up. Despite sitting next to the girl with the puppies from Sunday night, I only have a Roku in my hand when Jo returns with a full change of outfit & jewellery. Puppies girl is not looking nearly as striking tonight but is joined by an absolute stunner moments later, along with a couple of munter blokes, now what did they say in Red Sparrow. Meanwhile we have the American Vanessa Feltz to our left preying on her junior James Cordon lookalike, that boy is going to be completely smothered if he wants that promotion.
We leave the bar without seeing our regular brass, maybe she has the night off, ah but then bump into her as we’re getting in the lift. I say to JT we should have struck up a conversation, yeah says JT, & what exactly would you have said. Thing is I never think that far ahead when I speak to girls, that explains a lot. Get in & get myself cleaned up with my shoulder covered so the sheets don’t look like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the morning.
Brasses 4 - Socialites 8
Wines: USA - 8, France - 5
Gins - 14
Beers - 25
My arm is a little sore when I wake up, but looking forward to getting in the shower & washing the gunk off. Feeling clean, I put the haemorrhoid cream on my arm. We’ve decided to abstain from the blow out breakfast this morning so just have a coffee from the Nespresso machine while I soak. Head out before 9, first to the bakery where we pick up a selection of sweet & savoury, then onto Tulley’s where we grab a coffee & sit on the artificial grass with views of the flyover.
Jump on the Toei line one stop back, then on the Namboku line up to Ichigaya. Today we’re visiting Yushukan, Japan’s equivalent of the Imperial War Museum. Grab some snaps of the delightful grounds with traditional buildings before heading into the entrance & grab our tickets. There’s a cannon, a train used in the Thai-Burma railway & Zero fighter plane in the main hall, all very nicely done. Buy a notepad to collect the stamps they have round the museum (because I’m 8 years old), then head upstairs to the rest of the exhibitions. Starts off in the 19th century with conflicts between Shoganates & the Emperors, then onto the first contact with the West, the disputes & the battles that ensued. This gives the first glimpse into the attitude to conflicts with the outside world, by the museum & potentially the country. The British, American, French & Dutch swept across Asia conquering nations & enslaving their people, which is undoubtedly what happened but it is all put rather starkly in the text. Japan is referred to as a peaceful land, distanced from the rest of the world until these aggressors appeared demanding unfair trade agreements. However it seems that Korea, sections of China & Russia were considered part of Japan’s lands, so not sure how that makes Japan any different.
There is a short section on World War I, which as in the West, the results of which made WWII inevitable. We are most interested in this section to see the reflection of the other main Axis power on the war, while Germany is understandably hugely apologetic for the Nazi atrocities, Japan puts a very different spin than we’re used to in the West. America’s trade embargoes, particularly on oil & iron which Japan was dependent on, along with Britain’s refusal to allow them to trade with her Asian colonies, left Japan with no option but to declare war on the two nations. After tireless negotiations by the Prime Minister were ignored by Churchill & Roosevelt, Japan was forced to launch a surprise attack on the American fleet in Pearl Harbour. I fully appreciate we in the West are similarly fed a version of history & I’m sure there is important context here, but again just not particularly balanced. There is a sense of patriotism in the context of all the sections we are just not used to in museums at home, or maybe we just don’t notice it because that’s our view. This is all fine & interesting recognising you are in a foreign country that fundamentally had an opposing view, however the text that really grated was how foreign civilians welcomed the Japanese troops because they were fair & honourable, unlike the Westerners. The stark reality of the number & different types of Kamikaze suicide squads was quite sobering. Anyhoo, with lots to think about we collect the last of the stamps & head to the gift shop where we do not buy any of the WWII memorabilia.
Wander round the grounds for a while which extend out with a temple & a stage with gender fluid geisha dancers. Continue through the grounds till they connect with the Imperial Palace East Gardens. These are also very nice grounds, which is good because its a bloody long walk to the palace. It’s also a bloody faff to find the way in, which ultimately we fail to find at all, give up & head for a coffee in Tokyo station (Jo researches later & finds out you have to apply in advance for a timed ticket). Sit outside the station with our coffee & treat in the pleasant late afternoon before heading back to Roppongi. This turns into a very frustrating & very long journey as we make the mistake of entering the station through the JR barrier, follow the signs for the Toei line, which we eventually find on the other side of the JR barrier & we cant get out, speak to the girl who tells us we have to pay Y140 or go back the way we came. Like idiots we don’t pay the pound, hike back back out to find we’re on the wrong side of the station & this station is bigger than some cities, so all in all we’re walking round for 45 minutes before we eventually find the almost mythical Toei line. The journey on the tube is pretty quick though so we’re rejuvenated for our search for the Roppongi Lego store, which also turns out to be a faff & to top it all didn’t have any Tokyo Lego so sorry kids you’re not getting any.
Feeling rather hot & knackered we flomp on the bed for a bit until through incredible willpower I drag my lazy butt into the shower. All in all its nearly 8 when we’re heading out, later than planned but surely not too late to enjoy a pre-dinner drink in the Brew Dog we passed the other night. Prop ourselves at the bar & peruse the range of craft beers, should I have a local pint or a pint of Punk like I have in my local? I start with the Japanese Miyana, while JT goes for a Trashy Blonde (just as well considering she’s with me), JT orders some chicken cause she’s peckish so I have a half of the rather strong Restorative Beverage recommended by our Geordie bartender. Drink up & head for another fruitless attempt to get into Abe Sushi, they’ve ether got another function on or they lock the door when its full. No matter JT always comes prepared & has a backup on the main street, its a bit of a sushi shop but its all good & full of Japanese which is good in this area inhabited by tourists & expats. Grab a couple of beers, then go for tuna sashimi three ways, blacken cod, then a wonderful sushi trio of sardine, benito & salmon, which is so good we order a repeat.
It’s about 10:30 now, a respectable time to go into Geronimos I think. Regular readers will recall Geronimos is the dive bar we found ourselves in until 3am last time. It’s pretty quiet when we arrive, but dark, good rockin tunes & Arnie in Total Recall on the small screen in the corner. Order a G&T for me and a beer for JT as we settle in to see where this phase of the evening takes us. It ebbs & flows as we chat with a funny Spanish couple & a group of shipping brokers before the place falls rather quiet around midnight & we agree to finish up & head out. Then it kicks off, we’re joined by two Americans & a Brit who are equally rocked by the tunes, then a collection of girls from Brazil & all of a sudden the pla ce is packed & rocking. Paul, the Brit, is keen on ringing the gong, which according to the rules of Geronimos means he has to buy everyone in the bar a drink, he does this once when we’re the only ones in there then three more times as it fills up, I’m mighty impressed that JT knocks back the triple shot Jack Daniels in one every time. The party continues through the wee hours while more pile in & we’re encouraged to show off our tattoos, I’m treated like a piece of meat with girls mauling me. Get chatting to a Hungarian-Romanian girl living in Kyoto (I said she sounded lost) until I’m summoned back by JT, seems we’re heading for Karaoke with the Americans, Brazilians & Paul, if we can tear him away from some girl. Karaoke is fun but not quite what we expected, we were the only ones in there & given the break in proceedings we feel it really is time to head home, at 4:30. Literally staggering all over the pavement, we bump into a couple of young English chaps outside Maccy Ds on the way home, one is living in Singapore & convinced his mate to meet him in Tokyo. Funnily enough they seem to be having a good time but are also a little worse for wear & are staying a ways away so order them an Uber to make sure they get home safe.
For us its a very short stagger on the legless last leg home where we both fall through the door & pass out.
Brasses significantly outnumber socialites outside the glitz of the Hyatt
I’m not really sure keeping tally of drinks is such a good idea anymore
JT stirs to tell me to turn the alarm off as she doesn't want to be woken after 2 hours sleep, I tell her the alarm went off at 7, now its 9 & I’ve set the alarm for 10, Jo groans & goes back to sleep. When the alarm does eventually go off there’s more groaning & shuffling than in a George A Romero film. The shower, bottle of water & handful of headache tablets brings some relief, I need breakfast, ideally the Elm Park cafe, JT doesn’t know if she can face anything. Just make it in time for breakfast at Tully’s for 11:25, I go for the eclectic trio of hot dog, scrambled egg sandwich & ring doughnut along with a large strong coffee. JT just goes for a coffee & a cookie as we sit in our dark glasses under the flyover.
Feeling moderately human we head off to Harajuku, where the cool & trendy shops are. It’s about 20 minutes then we’re into the hustle & bustle. It’s not too crazy today, only a few girls dressed as dolls, one as a slutty cabin crew that alas I missed, lots of school kids though, how do the Japanese stay so slim when their kids spend there lunchtime browsing the sweet shops & ice cream parlours. Although this does give me some inspiration, I reckon a crepe & coffee will see me return to normality, unfortunately JT says she’s still a long way off that state. Anyhoo, have a browse of the tourist stuff as amazingly we still have some presents to get, head for our favourite B Side Label store where we hope to goodness the staff are a little less excitable. Have an enjoyable browse of the merch, we’ve got most of the stuff we like in various formats but I still find a couple of trinkets. Have a look at the mural wall, looks about the same as last year, a brief fruitless search for the cool Vans store, then back along Takeshita-dori Street, pick up the last gifts & some thongs for JT then back on the train home. Get a sandwich & Orangina from the 7 Eleven, then back to the room for a flomp. JT is recovering slowly but still volunteers to get all the packing done while I blog & research the airport transfer tomorrow. She does a fine job especially considering we’ve doubled our stuff with souvenirs & gifts.
Get glammed up for our last night / anniversary treat to our favourite Seryna, which handily is walking distance from our Roppongi bolthole. Quite busy at the counter today, glad we booked, makes for a good atmosphere though, apart from the Americans, they’re always so bloody loud aren’t they. Our young lady chef confirms the much pondered life status of the prawns as she puts it quite bluntly, “the prawns they are alive, ok?”. Hmm not sure what she’ll do if we’re not, smother them with a pillow, lethal injection? I’m transfixed as they twitch on the hotplate but they are invertebrates right & they are darn tasty. Everything is delicious, but of course the combination of Kobe & Wagu is spectacular. We’re a little more reserved with our wine this evening, not surprising all things considered. Finish up with a creme brûlée in the lounge which is all good too. After dinner we hit the now familiar streets of Roppongi in search of the karaoke bar where we left Jo’s jacket last night. Considering the state we arrived & left in, we have no idea what its called or what street its on but we piece together bits of memories between us.... we crossed a street, it was downhill, there were bicycles outside. It’s kinda like the Hangover, without Mike Tyson or a tiger, or indeed our ability to find the lost article / groom. Somewhat disheartened we head back, we could have been out all night searching the various legs from Roppongi Crossing, streets off side streets & still not find it, or for it to be closed or for the jacket to not be there.
Back in the hotel for a last nightcap in the Oak Door, but its heaving, there’s not even standing room. Settle in the restaurant with our espresso martinis, with a view of the local brass sitting alone at the bar. We speculate that perhaps we do her a disservice, maybe she’s here on business & just likes to sit in the bar with a glass of wine catching up on emails...impeccably made up & is dressed up, until late in the evening, hmmm. I offer to utilise the one spare stool next to her to find out, JT doesn't think thats a good idea. While the martinis are good & we get a glimpse of the people watching we have enjoyed, its not really the atmosphere we were hoping for so decide not to wait around & call it a night. Upstairs we’re settled at a much more reasonable time & ready for the home leg of our adventure tomorrow.
Straight up at 7, wash up, haemorrhoid cream the tattoos then down for the final breakfast of the trip. I get a ham eggs benedict with lashings of extra bacon & sausage followed by pastries. While my haul is below par, JT is even more reserved, still feeling the effects of Wednesday night & the combined effects of eating & drinking for 16 days solid. We’re done by 8:30 so time to check on transfer options, the transport desk doesn’t recommend the Skyliner we took on the way in, what we gain in a faster train journey we lose in the time to get to Ueno station, tube or taxi is going to take over 30 minutes so better off getting the Narita express from Tokyo station which is 10 mins away by taxi. Final sweep of the room, check out & in the luxury Lexus which as always drops us at the right entrance of these vast Japanese stations. Down to the JR ticket office we get two green car tickets for the express which unfortunately doesn’t leave till 10:03, 40 mins to wait. I leave JT with the cases outside Starbucks & head to get the Pasmo card refund from the station office a couple of km away through the tunnels. Return Y1,450 richer, which I use some of to purchase a latte before making our way to the platform. However there is no 10:03 on the board, we ask the station staff who tell us its been derailed so we need to get the 10:13 for the fastest route, so hang around for that I guess. Bit of a faff finding the green car, which is not particularly green but will do & we do need to get to the airport. This express takes an age, I’m sure we were overtaken by the 10:33 at one point. That’s the one thing with Tokyo, getting to / from the airport is expensive & has takes forever which ever way you go.
Finally arrive at Narita feeling rather stressed but we’re speedy up the succession of escalators & the checkin Doris-san is well aware of the train delays today, in fact she was too on her commute. Not sure if we find the fast track but we’re shortly through security & onto immigration, where our series of minor frustrations continue when we’re selected to try out the automated passport checks they’re implementing for the olympics. Oh dear Japan, why are you going down the same route as the UK, replacing proper boarder control professionals with machines that only work half the time. We do get a free pen though & everyone likes a free pen. Jo deposits me in the lounge while she hunts down the Roku gin, which is in a very attractive gift box, we will enjoy that gift. It’s only a short stop in the lounge while I try to convince JT that my glass of sake is water, she’s not convinced. Momentarily we board, are shown to our seats & have a glass of bubbly in hand. I go for a quick change before take off then its a bumpy old take off run before we’re in the air with a Bloody Mary.
Dinner is served shortly after take off, I go full Japanese as is my way, selection of sashimi starters, followed by Wagu beef & rice. I’m not even going to go there with comparisons to Seryna but its rather tasty as is the chocolate fondant desert. We both watch A Quiet Place, a gripping alien thriller, hardly any dialogue but works very well & does have my Emily Blunt. JT promotes the post film cat nap which sounds like a jolly fine idea.
Rise from our naps, I go to visit JT who graciously accepts me, we discuss film & second lunch strategy. We pop to the galley together to order, chat with the cabin crew, freshen up ready for the film. We watch Unsane, which is another gritty drama with plenty of twists, just not quite sure how many. On the lunch front we both go for something fancy we cant pronounce to start, my salmon cakes are very tasty, as is JTs mushroom risotto. My Californian Complicated Pinot Noir is really rather nice & as the name suggests, rather complex, I may have had the whole bottle, hope JT is going easier otherwise we may have to spend several hours in the arrivals lounge before driving home. Just time for another film, they’ve hardly been a laugh a minute so far so I go for Deadpool 2, which is silly & action packed as expected but bloody funny in places too. Jo watches the Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society”, which she also says is good but does it have lines like “it’s like he’s a muppet from the waist down, Grover’s got a penis” (only they don’t say penis).
As we approach Heathrow there’s a rather long info-film on how to transfer, so we change into our civvies before settling back down for spectacular views over London, it is a glorious day to be home. Landing is with a bump & the co-pilot is rather heavy on the brakes, I’m rather critical so Jo cruelty points out my landings can be a little bumpy too. We’re delayed at the gate as apparently the pilot needs lights to guide him, in broad daylight, I hit back with he should try squeezing in outside the clubhouse steering with your feet! Anyhoo, that all being said we’re off shortly & grab the train & then the lift before the hoards descend. Quick through passport, Jo gets straight through with her new eyes. Bump into Paul from Geronimos at the luggage carousel, tell him we’re glad to see him alive, he says the same about us! All our luggages arrive so we’re off for JT to collect the coffees, me to collect the car & Paul to collect, well whatever people called Paul collect.
We’re on the road within 15 mins of landing but straight into the Friday night M25 traffic, oh & Jo was indeed much more reserved on the flight so steers us home.
What we will miss…
Not having to go to work
The wonderful restaurants & wonderful food
Seeing something new & exciting just about every day
The incredibly efficient transport system
Why we’re glad to be home…
The faces of our adoring family
Being able to pop into the kitchen for a cup of tea
Just knowing how everything works
So we don’t turn into giant alcoholic hippos
Places visited - 17 (Tokyo, Nagoya, Shiroko, Suzuka, Kyoto, Kanazawa, Toyama, Tateyama, Bijodaira, Murodo, Daikanbo, Kurobedaira, Kurobeko, Kurobe, Ogizawa, Shinano Omachi, Matsumoto)
Modes of transport - 11 (plane, skytrain, taxi, Uber, car, bullet train, train, tube, funicular, bus, trolley bus, cable car) - sorry Tony no rickshaw