apart from the sheer pleaure of working 13 days in a row, and three 50hours weeks since i came back from turkey, what joy, here are some of the other magic moments that have occured...
1. we had a rat running around in the shop...actually it was a baby, and wasnt really running as much as strolling, but 2 customers saw it, and i had to call health and safety, my sales manager and our pest control guys. h&s told me that the pest men would be out within the hour...but when they hadnt turned up for 2 days, and we, yet again saw our house-guest strolling around in the back shop, i decided enough was enough. got a box, cornered it, threw the box over it, shimmied the box onto some silicone paper that we use to bake the pasties, taped the paper to the box, picked it up carried it outside and threw it into the big bin on the street. the next morning the pest man showed up, and when i told him what we had done, he said 'oh, great, i'll just be on my way then'....'mmm, so are you not even going to check the traps or baitboxes, what if it didnt come alone'....'oh, i suppose i may as well do that, since im here..'! 'well, you have a really easy job, considering that a couple of women did it for you'...'well, you can just have it if you want...but have to warn you, the pay is shite'. 'no kidding!'.
2. my sandwich maker called up my sales manager in a strop and told her she 'could stick her fucking job up her fucking arse!' how we did laugh! its because every takeaway person ive worked with is verging on asbergers behaviour, and ruth just cant stand not being able to do her batch because she has to load and unload the ovens, serve, or tray up bacon because we are so short-staffed. eileen in nicolson street had to have her sandwich batch in even numbers, and when i looked at it a day that kevin had made it up, i realised that she had really pissed him off about something, as the entire list to make up was in odd numbers! ruth does the whole batch in the same order at the same time every day, and if there is a deviation she gets jittery...if she has to leave the bench too many times she gets in a fury, starts slamming doors and smashing things down...then she eventually just loses it, bursts into tears and has to go home. then, of course, i had liz on the phone telling me that i wasnt controlling my staff properly...but as i said to her, its common knowledge that ruth has had a breakdown, and is teetering on the edge at all times. i realise it is against the 'greggs values' to speak to a sales manager in a swearing fury...but shit happens, and we are all stressed, tired and overworked in a really hot, steamy environment...what do they expect?
3. and in a similar vein...i burst into tears on the phone to liz yesterday...and she said 'i dont know why you are getting so upset'...'liz, im not actually upset, im just totally exhausted..its the 10th and i havent had a day off since the 1st'...'oh dont worry dearie (this woman is the same age as me and she calls me dearie!!!), im interviewing on the 24th....!' 'oh right, well that just solves everything, i might take back the 5 lieu days im due next week then...HAHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHA!' pah...interviewing on the 24th...so perhaps by christmas i will have someone who can run the shop to give me a day off....'oh dont worry' says liz '
4. our average spend is £2.84 but we are making about £2400 a day....you do the math! it is so busy at 8.30am that the queue is out the door and along the street! we sell around 12 catering packs of bacon a day, and tray it up the night before, on silicon paper piled in a white delivery crate. the packs have 45 slices. that is a fuck of a lot of pig meat! on top of this ruth, the swearing take-away maker can produce 65 sandwiches an hour, and make about 400 a day. she also does salads, yoghurts and our star new product burritos...(we do a firey chicken fajita one that is just heaven!). over lunch we toast about 100 sandwiches, including around 35 ham and cheese baguettes...every one of which is not only made, but baked in the shop. we also pour around 500 coffees a day, butter about 100 rolls and scones, sell pan au chocolate and crossiants that are also baked by us, box up donuts and bag at least 10 bags of 5 different sweet items. on top of this we bake around a thousand pasties a day, sell 10 bags of soup, and spend an inordinately huge time filling the drinks fridge which can, literally, be totally empty at 2.10pm. on top of this we have to fill and clean down the condiment unit of sugar, stirrers and napkins, and clean down the terrible mess people make on our tables. then we have to clean everything down in the afternoon and sanitise it so that this madness can start all over again tomorrow. on top of this im training 4 minors which is just exhausting. then there is ordering once a day, cash continually, conference calls, making up the rota, unloading cages, fmd...how the hell do i fit it all in! i tells ya its just so lucky that we work from 6am to 6.30pm or im not sure we could fit it all in!HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
5. TODAY IM HAVING MY FIRST DAY OFF SINCE THE 1ST OF THE MONTH!!! and strangely woke up at 04:30 just like normal...happy happy joy joy!!!
and, derek, im sure you will be happy to hear that i have now started waving to the old guy on my way to work.