Diary for lushblog


where does all the time go?

2018-05-14 to 2018-05-20

​last week, it seems to me, it was winter...we had snow in april (to quote prince...and i dont mean harry!)...the blossom didnt come out till the first week of may, and there were no leaves on the trees....

​now, its almost june, the blossom has gone, so have the students, and the school kids will soon follow. the trees all burst out in their greenery in what seems like a week, and the meadows has been like woodstock, with disposable barbeques! it is only a month to the longest day (unless you are in the tomorrow-land of the southern hemisphere, where it is the shortest!)...so i reitterate...where does all the time go? 

​i realise that some of you, oh, my zillions of avid readers, have got there already, but the idea that i will be 60 in a mere 3 and a half years, just blows my mind! or is that the dementy kicking in? in 2022 my mortgage will be paid off, and i will finally own a part of the planet outright! i often say to my teenage staff members, one of whom wasnt even born in the same millenium as the rest of us....make the most of your youth....one day you will wake up and look in the mirror and you will be in your fifties, and wonder how the hell you got there so quickly! obviously they look at me blankly, realising that i am, in fact, even older than their mother...and so therefore, may as well have lived before there were cars, or electricity...if their feeble facebook-engorged minds can even imagine such a time. 

and then....i think of bill! 

​now bill is going to be 85 this year, quite a feat in itself. but the phrase 'you cant teach an old dog new tricks' comes to mind, as bill is the proof that you can...and you can also excell at said tricks. 

​if you study the photos posted with this literary masterpiece of diary writing, you will see the bill has worked his way up to monthly  NO 1 IN THE WORLD on one of his VR games. NO1!!!!! how the other players would laugh, i imagine, if they realised that they had been trounced by an 84 year old ex-teacher sitting by a wood stove with a blankey over his knees!!!! hahahaha! 

​so with this in mind, i have decided to enjoy being older, in some ways it is such a freedom, and i so dont want to turn into madonna...arriving at a party with my 60 year old arse hanging out of my dress to show im still fit! i would prefer to just start wearing purple! not just literally, i mean...i have done coloured hair, dyeing my doc martens, and wearing ridiculous clothes a zillion times in past lives, but figuratively. 

​i now, generally just wear my greggs uniform all the time, we are now officially allowed to wear it to work, so, to save on time, washing, and having to make a decision at 5am...i just wear my uniform. so the only times i get to wear my own clothes is on my day off....and i make the most of it. i may not be wearing purple, but im feeling it inside my head...and no one knows or cares what batty old women do anyway. 

​i am reminded of proust going back to his home town in 'remembrance of times past' and meeting all the people he had known when they, and he, were young. he describes them in the way that make me think of chairs in chernobyl with the stuffing hanging out, or pastries that are weeks old, but the one thing about his description is that he doesnt see himself in this way....he is still young, inside his head, and it is only them who have changed. vanity or delusion? 

​i have been vain for my whole life, but luckily, im not so delusional that i dont see myself as i really am. and that is pushing 60.....god...how did we all get so old. 

last week i was only 45!